Bedknobs & Broomsticks

(children enter from SL holding suitcases and looking around, one points across the stage and then all exit SR)

(Annika enters SR with a paint can and paint brush in her hand and pretends to paint a road sign standing center stage; moments later Lars enters from SL driving a wheel)

Lars - You there. Which way to Pepperinge Eye?

Annika - Couldn't say sir. It said on the wireless to paint out the signposts in case the Nazis drop in.

Lars - I'm not a Nazi. I'm a British officer.

Annika - That's what you'd say if you was a Nazi isn't it sir? Drive on corporal.

(Lars shakes his head, turns the car around and drives off SL, Annika sets down the items, admires her sign, brushes off her hands and exits SR)

(Children enter from SR)

Charlie Hello? Anyone? I cant believe the lady that was distributing the children just left like that!

Carrie Maybe she will be back.

Charlie Or maybe she didnt have a house for us to go to and didnt have the nerve to tell us.

Paul I hate the war Charlie. I just wish the war was over with and we could go home.

Charlie Lady! (looking left) Lady! Who is picking us up?

Paul She left the list over there before she left. I will check it. Rawlins. Here we are. Carrie. Charles. Paul. Says we are to go with Lindsey and Eglantine Price.

Lindsey We are Lindsey and Eglanine Price, do you have our package then?

Carrie Package? I wouldnt call us packages?

Lindsey We received a call from Mrs. Hobday, saying that our package has arrived.

Carrie It says on the chart, that you are to home us.

Price Home you? No, we are not suitable to home you! We just came here to pick up the package that Mrs. Hobday called us about.

All 3 kids: WE ARE THE PACKAGE!

Lindsey Excuse me, I will be looking in her office. Mrs. Hobday? Mrs. Hobday?

(exits SR, re-enters holding a package shaped like a broom.. there is a note on it)

Lindsey See! Our package, thank you very much.

Price Dear Lindsey & Eglantine Price, here is your package (look of see I told you to children); I also am asking that you take the three children Charlie, Carrie and Paul with you and home them. I know you have six bedrooms and can accommodate them. I would never ask unless it was absolutely necessary! Thank you and I will check in with you in a couple of days. Signed Mrs. Hobday.

Lindsey Do not say a word. (looking at children)

Charlie We told you so.

(children follow the prices off stage L)

(children follow the Prices in from SR prices still have broom) E - Bring your things inside.

Carrie - Bit murky ain't it?

Charlie - Yeah. Not another house around here for miles.

L - Wipe your feet.

Charlie - Big place this. Who else lives here? E - We live alone. It suits us.

L - All right. Come along everybody.

[HISSES]

(children drop their luggage and hide behind it) [CAT WHINES]

Carrie - Sorry miss the cat startled us.

L - No need for alarm. You just frightened him that's all. [MEOWS]

Charlie - Yeah. Scared to death. You can see that.

Paul - What do you call your cat?

E - I don't believe in giving animals ridiculous names. I call him Cosmic Creepers because that's the name he came with. (moving upstage to the bed) You will sleep in here. This was my father's bed set and I want you to be very careful.

L - What was your names again?

Carrie - It's Carrie miss. Charlie and Paul.

L - Is that all you brought?

Charlie - We ain't exactly burdened down with frillies. Travel light that's us.

E - Well I don't think this arrangement is going to work but it seems that I have no alternative.

Paul - We'll do our best miss. Really we will.

L - The bathroom is along the landing. Supper is at 6. You will wash thoroughly.

All 3 kids - Wash?

L - You will wash yourselves. Otherwise there will be no supper. Is that clear?

(L & E exit SR)

Charlie - A house of horror that's what we've come to. The faster we get out of here the better. We can take care of ourselves. Huddle up.

(kids huddle)

(L returns from SR)

L - Please don't bother to whisper. I am exceptionally keen of hearing. You are planning to run back to London. If you have any more plotting to do, please do it elsewhere where I shan't have to listen to it. I'm afraid I don't know much about what children eat. You'll have to make do as I do. Is there anything particular that you fancy for dinner tonight?

Carrie - Sausage and mash. Bubble and squeak. Toad-in-the-hole. Fried fish. Oh anything at all.

L - I'm afraid you won't find any fried foods in this house.

All 3 kids - No fried food?

L - No.

Paul - How do you keep your health? L - Cabbage buds, rose hips, glyssop seed, elm bark, whortle yeast and stewed nettles. I will see you at dinner at 6pm, dont forget to wash.

(L exits SR)

Carrie Come on boys, looks like we are not getting out of it this time.

(children exit SL)

(L & E enter from center stage excited and with broom in hand; Lars enters and goes to front of stage; E opens the letter) Lars - "Dear madam with this shipment the Emelius Browne Correspondence College of Witchcraft sends you its heartiest congratulations on qualifying for the first degree of your chosen calling. You may now call yourself apprentice witch. Yours faithfully Emelius Browne." Our first broom. (squeal)

(Lars exit SR; they open the broom and cat crawls in) L - "Clasp the broom with both hands."

E - Yes of course.

L - "No. Never astride the broom."

E - Yes of course.

L - "Technically a witch is always a lady except when circumstances dictate otherwise. Take an easy graceful sideways position."

E - Of course that's much better. An easy graceful sideways position. There we are. How's this?

L - "To start up the broom your basic formula Lakipo nikrif scrumpet leetch"

(broom takes off, she falls on the floor she goes over to pick it up)

E - I wasn't ready!

L - "Lakipo nikrif scrumpet leetch"

(E goes crazy on broom and falls again L picks up broom, straddles it and L gets on behind it)

L - It's going to be a little different this time.

[CAT MEOWS] L - All right I know it's not ladylike. Lakipo nikrif scrumpet leetch [WHIMPERS]

(they fly downstage right with the strobe and fog machine going)

(Children enter from SL and stand upstage left looking at them and pointing)

Paul Do you see what I see?

Carrie - How does she do that?

Charlie - Because she's a witch. That's the sort of thing witches do.

Paul They don't fly to good do they?

(They fall and crash of the stage, then brush themselves off and exit with a limb and a hurt back)

Charlie - I'm having a bit of a think. A witch they are Then let's use the old loafs says I.

Paul - Let's get back to London and just leave tonight like we planned. Charlie No. What we have here is an opportunity. They don't want anyone to know their witches do they?

Carrie - Not ruddy likely.

Charlie - That's the opportunity. And I intend to make the most of it. (children exit SL)

(L & E enter SR with children following.. L & E are still hurt)

Charlie - Hurt your foot Miss Price?

L - Oh just twisted my ankle.

Carrie - Sorry to hear that.

L - Thank you. It's nothing serious.

Paul - Lovely weather for flying last night.

E - Why did you say that Paul?

Charlie - The game's upWe know what you both are.

L & E - I see.

Carrie - Don't worry Miss Price. No one's gonna pinch on you.

E - Thank you. I should be most grateful if you didn't tell anyone in the village.

Charlie - Course. There'll have to be one or two little changes made around here. I mean I'd like to see an occasional sausage on the table here. A bit of strawberry jam.

Carrie - Charlie!

Charlie - Let me handle this. And another thing Miss Price there'll be no more of this wash wash wash morning and night.

L - Anything else?

Charlie - Now you mention it, I could do with a bit of lolly. L - Lolly?

[GROWLS] Charlie - Cash. Cold hard cash. You must have buckets of it.

E - For your information the most accomplished of witches can't make money out of thin air. Have you ever heard of a rich witch?

Paul - Be that as it may you don't want us to blab do you?

L - Have you considered what danger you might be in? I am a witch you know.

[HISSES]

Charlie - What will you do turn me into a toad?

L - I might just do that.

Charlie - Go on then. I'll dare you. L - Very well Charles.

Carrie - You shouldn't have said that to her.

Charlie - She don't frighten me. Neither of them can even ride a proper broom.

L - Excuse me Charles. Filigree apogee pedigree perogee

Carrie - Oh Charlie!

Paul - That's better than a toad. That's a rabbit.

E - Bother. You never seem to be able to manage toads. [MEOWS cat chase] Charlie - I'll teach you to do that to me.

E - Let Cosmic Creepers alone. Weren't his fault.

L - I'm afraid it's my fault. Bad enough not being able to manage a broom, I can't perform a simple basic spell. Carrie - You dared her to do it. I don't see why we can't all be friends.

Paul - Maybe she's not a wicked witch.L & E - Of course were not. Paul - See?

E - If only I could trust you. You see the work were doing is so important to the war effort.

Carrie - How do you mean?

E - I mean exceptionally important. Most secret.

L - What do you say Charlie? Can you keep a secret.

Charlie - Yeah. If someone made it worth our while. You give us something valuable to seal the pact.

Paul - Oh Charlie don't try to be clever again.

Charlie - It's for our own protection ain't it? If we broke the pact we'd have to give back the valuable object.

E - I think it's an excellent idea. I wonder what I could give you. Would you settle for one of my spells?

Charlie - Bet that's not worth much.

Paul Come to think of it, I like you better as a rabbit Charlie.

Charlie - Shut up you.

Paul - Well I never had a rabbit. E - When I signed for my witchcraft course there was a free bonus a certain marvelous traveling spell if you paid promptly in advance. I think I'll give you that one.

Paul - Is it valuable?

L - Certainly.

(getting a book down)

L - Ah here we are. The traveling spell. All right everybody gather around. All right now let's see. Does anyone of you have a bracelet or a ring or something that you can twist?

Carrie - No Miss Price.

L - What about you Paul?

Paul - Always carry a few things around with me. You never know when they might come in useful. Piece of blue glass. Lovely bit of string. A horseshoe nail.

Carrie - What's that?

Paul - Knob come from the bed upstairs.

Carrie- It twists don't it?

Paul - Yeah twisted right off.

L - Yes I think that will be all right.

E - Hellebore henbane aconite, Glowworm fire firefly light There. Isn't that pretty?

Paul - Is that all we get?

L - This knob will now work the famous traveling spell.

Charlie - And what's the famous traveling spell?

Carrie - How does it work?

L - Well you take this knob and put it back on the bed upstairs. Then turn it smartly a quarter turn to the left. Then in a firm clear voice tell it where you want to go and the bed will take you there.

Carrie - Will it really?

L - Well I see no reason to think otherwise.

Carrie - Oh thank you for the lovely gift.

E - Oh I'm sorry. But it does belong to Paul. He's the only one who can work the spell.

Paul - Me?

E - Yes.

Paul - That's right. Mine weren't it?

E - That's the way the spell works.

Charlie - Nice mess he'll make of things.

(knock at the door) L - Oh bother. You children run upstairs. But mind you don't try anything with the bedknob till I get back.

(Lars hands a letter in from SR seeing his arm only; L & E walk center stage and open it while Lars then enters and walks downstage left)

Lars - Dear Madams, It grieves me to inform you that due to the war we have been forced to close down our college of witchcraft. This means that we shall not be sending you the final lesson in which you expressed so much interest.

(Lars exits stage L; L& E shake heads and quickly exit stage R)

(children enter SL and go to the bed, while L & E quickly enter SL to talk to them)

E - Paul I need the bedknob back. I must get to London immediately.

Paul - No. I want to go to the jungle.

E - Now Paul ridiculous as it may seem to have to explain this to a -year-old child but I do need your help.

Paul - Go ahead.

E - I was expecting a very important spell in the mail from my teacher Professor Emelius Browne and it hasn't come.

P - What's that got to do with my knob?

E - We must go to London immediately and see Professor Browne. With his help we may be able to bring this war to a successful end. That is why I need the knob. What is your decision? (hands over the knob) Thank you Paul.

L - Charles you better put on something warmer. The bed may travel quite fast.

Charlie - I'm not going. I'm staying right here.

Carrie - But why Charlie?

Charlie - All that rubbish about a traveling bed it won't work. That's why. Now how's a ruddy big bed like that gonna get out of this room with those little windows?

L - I don't know Charles. There's a great many things about magic that I don't know. We'll just have to find out.

Charlie - Lovely. Just so's you leave me out of it. I don't fancy making a fool of myself.

Carrie - What's come over you lately Charlie? You're no fun anymore.

E - Help me to tidy up the bed Carrie. We don't want to go to London with an unmade bed.

L - How old is Charles?

Carrie - Eleven going on 12 our Mother would of said that he is at the age of not believing.

(Carrie to mic; all others talk in silent)

Song: The Age of Not Believing [SINGING] When you rush aroundIn hopeless circlesSearching everywhereFor something trueYou're at the age of not believing When all the make-believe is through L - That's Charlie to a T. When you set asideYour childhood heroesAnd your dreams are lost upon a shelfYou're at the age of not believingAnd worst of all you doubt yourself

You're a castawayWhere no one hears you On a barren isle in a lonely sea

Charlie - What's that supposed to be poetry?

Where did all the happy endings go?Where can all the good times be?

L - Everyone on the bed who's going.

You must face the age of not believingDoubting everything you ever knew

L - The knob Paul.

Until at last you start believingThere's something wonderful in you

L - Are you ready Paul?

Paul - Yes Miss Price.

L - Repeat after me. Take us to Professor Emelius Browne.

P - Take us to Professor Emelius Browne.

E - Very good.

E - Headmaster Correspondence College of Witchcraft London

Paul - Headmaster Correspondence College...Of Witchcraft London.

L - Now when I say go tap the knob three times and turn it a quarter turn to the left.

E - Now we better hold on tight. The behavior of the bed is something I'm not quite sure of.

L - All right Paul. Ready? Go.

Paul - One. Two. Three.

[Cat SCREECHES scares Charlie onto the Bed]

(Strobe, rewind music)

All 3 kids - Is this London?

(PB enters from SL with a cart and magic)

Paul - Look. Professor Browne.

PB - Ladies and gentlemen. Gather around please ladies and gentlemen. Please note the name Professor Emelius Browne. I am here to divert to amuse and yes even to help you.

L - That ain't the kind of professor I expected.

PB - You see it really doesn't matter what I do what I do as long as I do it... ...with a flair. What effect a little smoke is. With a dash of hocus-pocus and the scent of burning... And the scent of burning sulfur in the air.

And now Ladies and gentlemen for my next trick may I draw your attention to this solid piece of ordinary window glass framed in an ordinary unprepared frame. May I also draw your attention to this perfectly ordinary steel nail. Now I shall place the framed glass in this brown unprepared... Unprepared mark you ladies and gentlemen. Unprepared brown paper bag. I shall now attempt to drive the steel nail through the glass without breaking the glass. "Impossible" I can hear you say. We shall see. PB - You young sir. Would you care to warble like the storied nightingale? With this inexpensive device you can charm the very birds down from the trees like so. [BIRD SINGING] Paul - How much?

PB - For you sir one penny. One copper coin of the realm.

E - Is that Professor Browne?

PB - It is indeed my dear. How may I serve you? Would you be interested in the mating call of the Brazilian Matouacan bird known as the bird of love? E - You are the headmaster of the Emelius Browne Correspondence College of Witchcraft?

PB - The late headmaster. The college alas is now defunct.

E - Professor Browne, my sister and I are one of your pupils. We was shocked and dismayed when you closed down the college without that most important last lesson.

PB - I'm sorry my dear. No refunds. Look at your contract.

E - But I must have the spell that comes with the last lesson.

PB - The matter is closed. I bid you good day. I have an appointment.

E - The matter is not closed. Filigree apogee pedigree perigee Now I trust you will listen to me a bit more closely.

PB - What was that about?

L She changed you into a rabbit with one of your own spells.

PB - My spell? From my school?

L - Not one of your best spells in point of fact. It doesn't last very long. Some of your others are much better.

PB - But I don't understand. My spell? They were just nonsense words that I got out of an old book.

L - Well they work perfectly well for us.

PB - They work for you? Some kind of destiny has brought us together.

E - You got the words for these spells out of some old book you say?

PB - Well more or less. I changed them round a bit. I gave them a bit of my own style as it were. The old sorcerers did have a bit of a tendency to waffle on. But dear ladies I never thought I'd meet somebody like you both using them!

E - Mr. Browne will you please stick to the point? I would like to see this book immediately.

PB - Certainly. It's at my new townhouse. Would you care to join me for luncheon? We can discuss my ideas at the same time.

E - Thank you. We'd be delighted. We shall all go together.

Paul - On the bed everyone!

E - Will you give the address to Paul please?

PB - My traveling spell? That works as well? (pause) 8 Winchfield Road. P - Bed take us to 8 Winchfield Road.

(strobe and fog)

L (getting out of the bed) Alright we are here. Mr. Browne the book. Where is it?

PB Dears you are relentless. The book is in the library and we shall proceed there now. I have no desire to delay you.

Paul Is this really your place Mr. Browne?

PB Actually, funny story.

L We are trespassing! Oh Mr. Browne!

PB No one has been here in hundreds of years. I see no reason to not put it to good use.

Paul I bet a sorcerer use to live here.

(out comes the book cart)

PB Here is the library.

Charlie thats a small library.

L Use your imagination (looking at audience)PB - Just think how successful I could be with an assistant who can really do magic. Have you ever considered entering what some of us call "show business"?

E - The what business?

(while people are looking at the book shelf)

PB - The theater. Pantomimes, village fairs, the sea side, Brighton Blackpool, follies on the prom.

E - Mr. Browne we have very important work to do. Charlie I dont know, he just might be onto something.

(Charlie to mic remember how you changed the lyrics) [SINGING]Let us strike a bargainYou possess a giftBut I can speak the jargonThat will give your gift the needed lift Oh?

You possess the know-howAnd I command the show-howOh how successful you could beWith me

I'm afraid we're wasting valuable time.

What's your name?

Miss Price.

No no your first name my dear.

Eglantine. Eglantine.

Eglantine, EglantineOh how you'll shineYour lot and my lotHave got to combine

Eglantine, Eglantine hark to the starsDestiny calls us the future is ours

As the shine sells the bootAnd the blossoms the fruitAll you need to succeed in your plan

Is the proper ally upon whom to relyAnd I'm your man

For I have an acumenThat's nigh superhumanI sell things that nobody canSo I humbly suggestYou accept my behestI'm your man

Eglantine, Eglantine

Mr. Browne. Oh how you'll shine

Mr. Browne, Will you please stop?

Your lot and my lotHave got to combineEglantine, Eglantine hark to the stars

Mr. Browne do you hear me?

Destiny calls us the future is ours

(Paul pulls a book off the shelf and goes to read it downstage right)

Charlie - What are you reading? Isle of Naboombu. There be no such place.

Paul - There is to such a place. These pictures proves it dont it.

Carrie - Bid weird aint it animals wearing hats and things L - Now where is the book? Well where is it? (he hands her the book) At last Mr. Browne.

[MISS PRICE READS TITLE]

E - The Spells of Astoroth, Of course. Oh here's the traveling spell. This is where you got it.

L - Ah here we are "Substitutiary locomotion." "The ancient art of..." Et cetera. "The spell which creates this force is five mystic words. These words are..." But the rest of the book is missing.

PB - Now you see why I closed down the college.

L - But where are the other pages?

PB - Haven't the foggiest.

L - Listen to me Mr. Browne.

PB - I'm all ears.

L - You will be if you don't pay attention. Where did you get this book?

PB - Well I bought it from a chap in the street market. There was a sort of scuffle the book tore he got one half and I got the other.

L - But where's the other half now?

PB - Oh it's probably been thrown away. But if it still exists there's only one place to find it.

(All Cast not PB) Where is that?

Music - Song: Portobello Road (song and dance) EMELIUS [SINGING]Portobello Road, Portobello RoadStreet where the richesOf ages are stowed

Anything and everythingA chap can unloadIs sold off the barrowIn Portobello Road You'll find what you wantIn the Portobello Road

(in the song and dance, Children exit stage R)

(stranger enters)

E Excuse me, I am looking for the other half of this book.

Stranger Hey guvnor. Oi tosh. Something for the lady friend? Nylons?

PB - No thank you.

Stranger - coupons? Chocolates?

PB - No.

S - Would you fancy this then? (pulling out a knife)

PB - Ah, now you have my undivided attention. What can I do for you friend?

Stranger - You're to get over to the Bookman straightaway. He wants to see you. You too.

L - Who is the Bookman? And what right has he got to order me about?

PB - Under the circumstances I think we better ask questions later. Excuse me.(they circle around the stage)

(the bookman enters from SL)

E - Mr. Browne isn't that the section of the manuscript that we've been looking for?

Book - Who is this person?

PB - Miss Eglantine Price a charming young woman of my acquaintance.

Book - Miss Price I've been looking for this other bit a long time. Mr. Swinburne told me you were in the market making inquiries. And here we are. I don't mind saying to see it all together at last there isn't much I wouldn't do...

Stranger - Or haven't done for that matter. Right guv?

Book - You'll close your mouth Swinburne. Is that clear? It's all rather like a jolly detective story or jigsaw puzzle isn't it? We're both after the same spell. You have one clue I have the other.

E - Yes. In that case the sensible thing seems to be for us to cooperate.

Book - I assume you're looking for the same thing I am. May I? This is quite a moment for both of us. "Substitutiary locomotion the lost miracle of the ancients." And so on and so forth. Ah here we are. "The spell which creates this force is five mystic words. These words are..."

E - "Engraved on the star that was always worn by the sorcerer Astoroth."

Book - But where are the words of the spell?

E - I assumed they'd be in your half of the manuscript.

Book - But I thought they'd be in yours.

L - Once again a dead end.

Book - I shall never know the secret.

PB - Isn't that old Astoroth? And there's his star. It's a pity it's so small you can't read the writing.

L - But why the animals?

Book - Towards the end of his life Astoroth kept animals in cages and searched for the spells that would make them more like humans. The legend is that finally the animals rebelled at the experiment killed Astoroth and stole many of his powers.

L - Including the star with the spell on it.

Book - Possibly. They found a ship sailed away and were never heard of again. However there is a final notation in my half of the book saying that in the 17th century a shipwrecked lascar was taken from the sea half mad with thirst and exposure to the sun. Before he died he swore he had seen an island ruled by animals.

L - Where?

Book - There is I regret to say no such island. I looked for it in every chart. The Isle of Naboombu does not exist.

(Paul enters from SR)

Paul I have been listening.. in hopes to save you both and it does too. Got me own... There is too such a place. Got me own book. There. Real pretty letters ain't it?

Book - Let me see it.

E - You're not interested Bookman. It's just a simple children's book.

Stranger - I'll be the judge of that. Give it to me.

Paul - No.

Stranger - Please don't annoy me. Give me the book boy.

Paul - Not likely.

Stranger - Bit of a stalemate isn't it?

E - Come along Paul. I believe it's time to go.

Book - Go? How my dear? The door is locked.

PB - Observe the fundamental weakness of the criminal mind. You will believe no one or anything.

L - The knob Paul.

Paul - Right.

(strobe light and fog stranger and bookman exit and change back into kids)

(lights normal )

Paul Come on, we have to get out of here fast, no more shopping at the market. Charlie, Carrie get on the bed! Where to?

L - To the island of Naboombu.

E - I'm very curious about that place.

Paul - Good. Bed take us to the island of Naboombu.

(strobe light and fog)

PB - Beastly climate. I never did fancy the sea.

Charlie - Where are we?

Paul - Naboombu of course.

Carrie - Ain't never seen no island like this before.

Charlie - I'm afraid we may have fallen into the lagoon.

Paul - That's right. Here we are on page three. Oi, Mr. Codfish.

Tati - Hello young fellow. Welcome to Naboombu Lagoon.

Charlie - Now I'm hearing things. Fish don't talk.

Tati - Ahem. Not too bright is he?

Paul - He's me brother.

Tati - Oh? Sorry.

Paul - Mr. Codfish where is the island of Naboombu?

Tati - You mean the land part? Oh that. Straight up. You can't miss it. None of my business of course but I shouldn't go there if I were you. Having troubles they are.

All - Troubles?

Paul - He's right you know. A lot of trouble.

L - Well trouble or not we should be getting along.

E - I wish to see who is in charge.

PB - What's the rush? It's really rather splendid down here.

Paul For once I have to agree with Professor Browne I like it down here too!

(Paul to mic)

Song: Briny Sea [SINGING]How pleasant bobbing alongBobbing along on the bottomOf the beautiful briny sea

What a chance to get a better peepAt the plantsAnd creatures of the deep

We glideFar below the rolling tideSereneThrough the bubbly blue and green

It's lovely bobbing alongBobbing along on the bottomOf the beautiful briny sea

What if the octopusThe flounder and the codThink we're rather odd?It's fun to promenade

Bobbing along, singing a songOn the bottom of the beautiful briny sea

Look. [ALL LAUGHING] [FISH GURGLING]

It's lovelyBobbing along Bobbing alongOn the bottom of the beautiful briny sea What a chance to get a better peepAt the plants and creatures of the deep

It's grandWhen you're dancing on the sand

Each glanceBubbles over with romance

It's lovely bobbing alongBobbing along through the waterWhere we get along swimmingly

Far from the frenzyOf the frantic world above

Two beneath the blueCould even fall in love

Bobbing along singing a songOn the bottom of the beautiful briny sea

Bobbing along singing a songOn the bottom of the beautiful brinyShimmery shinyBeautiful briny sea

L Excuse me Cod fish have you seen the other half of this book any where?

Tati Why yes. There was some yelling above on the island. It was the talk of the sea you know. And then in goes the other half of the book into the sea. They dove in and looked for it for a while. But I never did share it with them. They would just go back to fighting over it again. Them been doing that for years.

L Could we just have a gander at it? If you wouldnt mind.

Tati Sure, but only because she sang so pretty about us.

(gives book)

Charlie What does this spell that we have been chasing after do anyway?

E Well Charlie it stops the war. It will stop any war. Its a very powerful spell.

L and we intend to stop the current war!

(all look at the fish)

Tati I am getting the book

(gets the book and gives it to E)

E Look right here. Its the whole spell. Shall we say it all together?

(adlib yes) Treguna mekoides trecorum satis deeTreguna mekoides trecorum satis deeTreguna mekoides trecorum satis dee Charlie Thats it and the war is over.

L Simple, thats it.

Carrie But how do we know?

L Every other spell worked in the book, so this one should be just the same. There is no reason to doubt it.

PB I admire your confidence.

Charlie I think its foolish.

Carrie If the war was over with, does that mean we get to go home?

E Yes, yes it does!

Carrie Paul, take us home!

Paul Bedknob take us to 5593 sw Sunnyside Road

(strobe lights and fog, blackout)

(in the dark)

Carrie, Paul and Charlie Mom, Dad! The war is over with!