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Being Esther | A Novel by Miriam Karmel

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    Being Esther

    A Novel

    Miriam Karmel

    Order NowMilkweed Editions

    Being Estheris Distributed to the trade

    by Publishers Group West.

    Amazon

    Barnes & NoblePowells

    IndieBound

    http://www.milkweed.org/shop/product/313/being-esther/http://www.amazon.com/Being-Esther-Novel-Miriam-Karmel/dp/1571310967http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/being-esther-miriam-karmel/1112368923%3Fean%3D9781571310965http://www.powells.com/biblio/62-9781571310965-0http://www.indiebound.org/book/9781571310965http://www.indiebound.org/book/9781571310965http://www.powells.com/biblio/62-9781571310965-0http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/being-esther-miriam-karmel/1112368923%3Fean%3D9781571310965http://www.amazon.com/Being-Esther-Novel-Miriam-Karmel/dp/1571310967http://www.milkweed.org/shop/product/313/being-esther/
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    Te characters and events in this book are ctitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is

    coincidental and not intended by the author.

    2013, ext by Miriam Karmel

    All rights reserved. Except or brie quotations in critical articles or reviews, no part o this book may

    be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission rom the publisher: Milkweed Editions,

    1011 Washington Avenue South, Suite 300, Minneapolis, Minnesota 55415.

    (800) 520-6455

    www.milkweed.org

    Published 2013 by Milkweed Editions

    Printed in CanadaCover design by Christian Fuenfausen

    Cover image Margie Hurwich/Arcangel Images

    Author photo by Richard Migot

    13 14 15 16 17 5 4 3 2 1

    First Edition

    Milkweed Editions, an independent nonprot publisher, grateully acknowledges sustaining support

    rom the Bush Foundation; the Patrick and Aimee Butler Foundation; the Dougherty Family Founda-

    tion; the Jerome Foundation; the Lindquist & Vennum Foundation; the McKnight Foundation; the voters

    o Minnesota through a Minnesota State Arts Board Operating Support grant, thanks to a legislative

    appropriation rom the arts and cultural heritage und; the National Endowment or the Arts; the arget

    Foundation; and other generous contributions rom oundations, corporations, and individuals. For a

    ull listing o Milkweed Editions supporters, please visit www.milkweed.org.

    Library o Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

    Karmel, Miriam.

    Being Esther : a novel / Miriam Karmel. 1st ed.

    p. cm.

    ISBN 978-1-57131-096-5 (acid-ree paper)

    1. Older womenFiction. 2. Sel-realization in womenFiction. I. itle.

    PS3611.A7839B45 2013

    813'.6dc23

    2012025933

    Milkweed Editions is committed to ecological stewardship. We strive to align our book production

    practices with this principle, and to reduce the impact o our operations in the environment. We are a

    member o the Green Press Initiative, a nonprot coalition o publishers, manuacturers, and authors

    working to protect the worlds endangered orests and conserve natural resources. Being Esther was

    printed on acid-ree 100% postconsumer-waste paper by Friesens Corporation.

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    my riend said ace it thats how it goes one by one

    till theres no one lef on this bench in the sun

    Grace Paley

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    3

    Prologue

    Tey named her Esther.

    As a child, Esther believed she was named or the Persian

    queen who risked her lie saving her people rom a wicked man.Every year, on the holiday commemorating that miraculous res-

    cue, children in costume ock to synagogues to hear the story o

    Esther. Tey rattle noisemakers whenever the wicked ones name

    is uttered; they hiss and boo. Esther had loved parading around

    her shul in a long dress, lipstick, and a tinoil crown, pretending

    to be the earless, noble queen.When she was older, Esther enjoyed telling people that shed

    been named or Esther Williams, which, given her age, was

    impossible.

    Te act that Esther was named or neither the amous swim-

    ming beauty nor the savior o her people was o no concern to

    Esthers mother, who simply shrugged and said, I dont remem-ber whenever Esther asked the origin o her name. I Esther

    were to plead with her mother to remember, Mrs. Glass would

    merely say, Oy, please. Cant you see Im busy? Ten she would

    instruct Esther, in Yiddish, to go play in the street or go hit her

    head against a wall.

    One day, worn down by Esthers nagging, Mrs. Glass nally

    allowed that Esther had been named aer Esther Jo Berman,

    the daughter o Mrs. Glasss best riend, Lottie. Not that she was

    namedorEsther Jo. But when Esther was born, a better name

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    4 Miriam Karmel

    had not presented itsel. It seemed like a good idea at the time,

    her mother said.

    Te truth came as a disappointment. Still, Esther was grate-

    ul that her parents hadnt given her the middle name o Jo. Shecould almost hear her ather say, What kind o name is Jo or a

    Jewish girl?

    And so she was Esther, with no middle name.

    Recently, Esther has begun to wonder whether her lie might

    have turned out dierently had her name been deliberately cho-

    sen. Not that anything untoward had beallen her. Shed raisedtwo healthy children; traveled some. Sometimes she wishes

    she had done more, had a career, like her daughter and grand-

    daughter. Yet shes wanted or nothing. It even embarrasses her

    to think that people might envy the ease with which she has

    sailed through lie.

    Still, she cant shake the eeling that i only her parents hadnamed her with intention, she might have grown into her name,

    as i it were an inheritance that mustnt be squandered. Instead,

    Esther has gone through lie with a borrowed name, like some

    o-the-rack garment or countereit designer handbag, a name

    like the ake Seiko watch she purchased on a trip to Mexico with

    her daughter, Ceely, whose name had been deliberately chosen.

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    5

    Five people. Te Markels, should they answer, will make sixand seven.

    Esther has been working her way through the alphabet, phon-ing the numbers in the tooled-leather address book her mother

    once brought back rom a temple tour to Israel, one shed picked

    up in the souk and gave to Esther or her twenty-ninth birthday.

    It took Esther a year beore she dared to write on the creamy

    vellum, making the rst entries with the silver ountain pen her

    mother-in-law had given her as an engagement present. Soonenough, she was using anything at handpencils, ballpoints,

    elt-tip pens that bled through to the other side.

    Now the pages are riddled with slashes. In y-ve years

    people movelike the Markels, who le Chicago or Phoenix

    aer Buddy retired. Her sister Anna moved so oen Esther

    had to start a second page, though she still hasnt drawn a linethrough Annas last entry, the place on Fourteenth Street in

    Santa Monica.

    Esther makes her calls rom the kitchen table, where she can

    gaze out the window at the changing sky or at the pedestrians

    passing by. In the other direction she can see, across the divider

    into the living room, the ew amiliar urnishings she and Marty

    had moved rom the house on Shady Hill Roadthe mahogany

    breakront, one o the matching love seats theyd bought on sale at

    Marshall Fields, the red leather easy chair, a couple o paintings.

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    6 Miriam Karmel

    Te gilt-ramed mirror that used to grace their old oyer is now

    wedged onto a patch o wall between the two small rooms.

    Teyd moved the old rotary phone, too. Esther preers it to

    the inantilizing portable phone with the oversized buttons thatCeely gave her or Mothers Day. She misplaces it. And she nds

    it disconcerting that she can be anywhereeven the bathroom

    while speaking to some unsuspecting person on the other end.

    Besides, she enjoys the mild exertion o rotating a dial, the

    steadying eect it has on her trembling hand.

    Te Markels phone is ringing. Esther resists the urge to hangup, telling hersel the odds are in her avor; this time somebody

    will answer. wice already, as she has worked her way through

    the book, answering machines have inormed Esther that the

    number she dialed was, in act, the number she dialed. Te rst

    time she got a machine she panicked and hung up. Te second

    time, she was prepared. Hi! Tis is Esther Lustig. Rememberme? I was just calling . . .

    Ten Marty interrupts. Even in death his gravelly voice in-

    trudes. Essie, Essie. Aer all these years, a person doesnt call

    just like that. Out o the blue. Use your head.

    Setting the receiver down, she looks across the table, as i her

    husband were sitting there working the crossword puzzle or n-ishing his second cup o coee. And why not out o the blue?

    she demands.

    Marty is orever looking over her shoulder, monitoring her

    every move, oering unsolicited advice. Aer he died, aer she

    le him at Waldheim on that bitter aernoon wrapped in his

    imsy prayer shawl, le him with the gravediggers who were o

    to the side, not so patiently revving their backhoes as the last

    mourners tossed dirt on his cofn, aer all that, she had ex-

    pected that nally shed get some peace and quiet. Not that she

    doesnt miss him. Martys absence is palpable.

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    Being Esther 7

    Now she consoles hersel that riends lose touch, not inten-

    tionally, but because eleven years ago you made a mental note to

    give someone a call and then the days slipped by. O course, that

    wouldnt satisy Marty, who always had to analyze every littlething, examine it rom this angle and that. I Esther lost her tem-

    per, burned a pot roast, orgot to pick up the dry cleaninghe

    would draw a line clear back to her childhood.

    While the Markels phone rings, Esther glances at her leather

    book, the blur o lines running through the names. What i

    Sonia isnt there?Gently, she sets the receiver back in its cradle. Te last num-

    ber she dialed had been reassigned, though Esther still wasnt

    ready to draw a line through Charlene Finks name. And when

    she phoned Sadie Sherman, Emily answered, all grown-up and

    pleasant enough, though Esther still recalled the colicky baby

    who had grown into a churlish child and then an insubordinateteen. Emily inormed Esther that she and her sisters were sorting

    through their mothers belongings. Mom moved to assisted living

    last month. Windy Shores or Cedar Hollowthe name sounds

    like the overnight camps the children once attended. Esther tries

    picturing Sadie, whod run a successul travel agency or twenty-

    nine years, making lanyards or pot holders or clay pinch pots.Esther takes a deep breath as she prepares to redial the

    Markels. She hopes that Sonia will be the one to pick up, though

    at this point it will be a relie to get anyone on the other end, even

    prickly old Buddy. BM, theyd called him behind his back.

    Te phone rings twice. Tree times. Four. She is about to hang

    up, when someone answers. A man. Hello! she blurts. Tis is

    Esther Lustig calling. When the man doesnt reply, she repeats

    her name, and then, always quick on his eet (Buddy and Sonia

    were remarkable dancerstango, cha-cha, rumba, you name it),

    Buddy cries, Esther! Esther Lustig! Is that really you?

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    8 Miriam Karmel

    Giddy with excitement, she practically bursts rom her seat,

    as i they were rushing headlong to embrace. I suppose it is! she

    exclaims, her hand ying to her head as i to afrm her identity.

    Oddly, she eels reassured by the so nimbus o hair, which isas amiliar as the sound o her own voice. Ten she catches her

    reection in the old gilt-ramed mirror. Tere she is, the same

    basic model: green eyes, coppery-blond hair, broad orehead,

    and the ull mouth, which she has been painting the same shade

    o red since college. With her ree hand, she adjusts her silver

    glasses and recalls Marty saying that when she removed themshe looked like Judy Holliday. Aer Marty got sick she let the

    blond go, but the steely gray reminded her o cloistered nuns,

    and soon she was coloring it again.

    Shes held on to her gure, more or less, careully selecting

    her garments to compensate or the less. Other than the loss o

    an inch or twoshe stands just a bit over ve eeteverything isthe same. Yet nothing is. She has become a caricature o hersel.

    Yes, its me, she sighs, sinking back into her chair. Its

    Esther. Esther Lustig.

    Ten Marty is back, accusing her, in a high-pitched alsetto,

    o behaving like a schoolgirl. I suppose it is. Esther. Esther Lustig.

    Placing her hand over the receiver, she tells him to shut up.Am-scray! Get out o my hair!

    What was that, Esther? Buddy says.

    Te cat, she lies. He was clawing the soa.

    Animated by her anger and pleased with the convincing

    riposte (Buddy wouldnt know, but Sonia would, that Esther

    loathes cats, that she once drove the amily tabby, whod been

    clawing the urniture, to a secluded ravine o Sheridan Road,

    where she released it into the wild), Esther launches into her

    spiel, the one shes been honing since the rst ew awkward calls.

    She no longer lets on that she is going through her address book,

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    Being Esther 9

    checking to see who is here and who has gone to the other side.

    Aer that rather indelicate attempt at gallows humor ell at, she

    started telling people that shes been sorting through boxes o

    old photos. And youll never guess what I came across, she says.Te picture she describes to Buddy was taken at a college

    dance. Sonias in it, she tells him. Along with me and Ruthie

    and Helen. We were the Starrlites. With a double r, like Brenda

    Starr! And that silly play on light. Teyd adored Brenda, she

    tells Buddy. She was so thoroughly modern, and she had that

    boyriend with the mysterious eye patch and the dashing name.Basil. Basil St. John. Esther repeats Basils name, as i she were

    under a spell induced to unleash ancient memories. She studies

    the picture. Tere they are, the our Starrlitesand their dates.

    Was it on a dare that theyd all hopped up on the bandstand dur-

    ing the musicians break and mugged or the camera, pretending

    to play the instruments? Shes orgotten the names o the youngmen, except or her dateJackson Pug. Who can orget a name

    like that? Sonia will remember the others, though she prob-

    ably wont recall any better than Esther how theyd managed

    to round up our men in those days. Esther probably encour-

    aged Jackson to dance with the girls who came alone because she

    remembers dancing with Sonia, wishing she were with Marty,who had been shipped o to Holland shortly aer theyd met.

    Sonia smelled aintly o lily o the valley, and when Esther rested

    her head on Sonias shoulder and elt Sonias sweet, warm breath

    on her neck while the band played Ill Be Seeing You, she was

    glad Jackson was dancing with some other girl. Poor Jack. In two

    months, he would be killed in the Siege o Bastogne.

    I dont know what got into us, she tells Buddy. You should

    see Helen, perched on the piano, legs crossed, open-toed shoes

    peeking out rom under a long, owing skirt. Remember Ruthie?

    Shes blowing a sax. Im at the drums. And Sonia. Sonia is

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    10 Miriam Karmel

    hugging the bass, beaming. Her hair is swept up to one side, with

    a ower pinned in it.

    A ower! Buddy exclaims, as i hes never heard anything so

    extraordinary. What kind?Why, I dont know, Esther stammers, irritated that hed ask

    about a ower, rather than the name o Sonias date or even what

    Sonia was wearing, until she remembers that Buddy is a land-

    scape architect and might reasonably wonder about such things.

    Ten it occurs to her that Buddy is retired, in which case it might

    be more accurate to say, He was a landscape architect. Is. Was.She wishes there were better road maps or growing old.

    Lately, Esther has been preoccupied with such thoughts,

    though she keeps them to hersel. I Ceely knew, shed have her

    in assisted living aster than you can say Bingo! Esther plans

    to die rst.

    Buddy is still going on about the ower. Should she makesomething up? Gardenia? Orchid? Esthers earliest (and un-

    happy) exposure to owers occurred during the two weeks each

    summer when her parents rented a room in the Dunes rom

    Mrs. Zaretsky, a sharp-tongued woman who used to come tear-

    ing out o her kitchen, apron apping, to scold the children in

    Russian i they got anywhere near her dusty ower bed. Later,when Esther and Marty started to travel, she expanded her un-

    derstanding o ora, but it was mostly limited to the names o

    plants that grew abundantly in sultry placesbird-o-paradise,

    calla lily, jacaranda.

    Hastening to change the subject, she reports that Sonia is

    wearing an embroidered blouse with ounce sleeves. Its the

    kind you might bring back rom a oreign market, she tells

    Buddy. Ten one day, you see it hanging in your closet and won-

    der, What on earth was I thinking? But Sonia had air. On her,

    it doesnt look like a costume.

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    Being Esther 11

    Sonias uncle lived in Mexico City, Buddy says. Her olks

    drove down there once a year. Teyd return with a carload o

    silver pins and bracelets, straw chairs or the children, wool

    shawls, and embroidered blouses. Lou had dreams o starting animport-export business.

    I remember, Esther lies. Ten she reminds Buddy o the

    winters their group spent in San Miguel. Every January, once all

    the kids were in college, the Starrlites and their husbands took

    rooms at the old Aristos Hotel. Tey set up house or a month,

    with their toasters and coee pots and electric ry pans. In theevenings, they gathered or cocktails.

    Sonia made the best margaritas, Esther says.

    It was the limes, Buddy remarks, and suddenly Esther re-

    members how stingy hed been with praise. It wasnt the limes,

    she wants to say. Instead, she asks i he remembers the parrot

    that lived in the Aristos courtyard, and when he says, Cant saythat I do, she decides shes had about all she can take o Buddy

    Markel.

    It was time to put Sonia on. Shell remember. Whats more,

    i Esther were to say, Parrot, Sonia will mock the bird and cry,

    Hola! And Esther will eel as i shes come home, that at long

    last shes returned to the place where you dont need remindingthat the ront door sticks or the toilet handle needs jiggling or the

    third runner on the staircase is loose. Sonia will recall how the

    parrot squawked until Lolita, the hotels duenna, ed it breakast.

    Ten Esther will say, Papaya and banana.

    Yes, Sonia will exclaim. Te same ruits she le in baskets

    outside our doors each morning.

    With the bread.

    From thepanaderia down the road!

    Sonia will remember it all. Shell vouch or Esthers memo-

    ries; she will validate Esthers existence.

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    12 Miriam Karmel

    Te rst time Sonia ollowed Esther home aer school, a

    carp, which Esthers mother had bought at the kosher market

    on Kedzie Avenue, was swimming in the bathtub. Esther hadnt

    wanted Sonia to see the sh opping around in the rusty tub.Shed already been to her riends home where Sonias mother

    had been seated at a desk writing letters on pale blue stationery,

    a cardigan with pearl buttons draped across her shoulders.

    Esther told her new riend that until the ateul day when her

    mother knocked the sh out with a wooden mallet, chopped it

    up, ground it and shaped it into sh patties, she loved perchingon the toilet seat and reaching into the tub to eed it bits o let-

    tuce and crusts o bread. It was the closest thing we ever had to

    a amily pet, she conessed.

    Te carp had ascinated and delighted Sonia, whod never

    known anyone who made gelte sh rom scratch. And though

    Esther knew such people existed (her amily mocked and pitiedthem), she hadnt known anyone who bought the sh in jars.

    Sonia will remember it all: Esthers aversion to cats, the par-

    rot, the sh, the names o those grinning young men.

    Put her on, she says to Buddy. Put Sonia on.

    Oh, Esther, he moans.

    A heavy silence enguls the space between them. How couldshe have been so reckless? So presumptuous? Put Sonia on! As i

    they were in Mexico and she just dialed the Markels room (they

    always stayed in number 7).

    Yet she can still hear the squawking parrot, taste the papaya,

    smell the sweet panaderia breads. She has been so transported

    by memory that when Buddy says, Im araid that wont be pos-

    sible, Esther expects him to explain that Sonia has run out to

    the market or more limes.

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    13

    Ceely wants Esther to move to Cedar Shores. Aer Martydied, Ceely started placing glossy brochures on Esthers coee

    table, her nightstand, and even tucked between the pages o herlatest book. Te other day, she held one open and pointed to the

    pictures. Look, Ma. Youll have your own room. Teres even

    a small kitchen. But you wont need to bother. Teres a dining

    room or all your meals. Te dining room tables were draped

    with white cloths. Mauve napkins bloomed rom water goblets.

    Esthers old riend, Helen Pearlman, whod loved martinis,cooked with lemongrass, and played a mean game o tennis, is

    stashed away in a studio apartment at Cedar Shores, where they

    serve blush wine beore dinner on Saturdays and hold nightly

    bingo games in the party room. Once a week a bus arrives or

    anyone wanting a ride to the supermarket.

    Not long ago, Esther visited Helen. Te two women sat acrossrom each other on matching mauve love seats in the am-

    ily room, straining to talk above the din o the V. Actually,

    Esther held up both ends o the conversation, while Helens at-

    tention dried between Oprah and a group o card players at a

    table near the bay window. Esther asked Helen i shed heard

    about Oprahs great car giveaway? Everyone in the audience

    got a brand-new Pontiac, she said. When Helens eyes bright-

    ened, Esther thought shed guided her riend saely back home

    through the og. Ten Helen said, You know, Esther, I nally

    divorced Jimmy, and Esther wondered whether there was any

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    14 Miriam Karmel

    point in reminding her riend that Jimmy had been dead or

    eleven years. When Helen said, He came home with powder on

    his shirt one too many times, Esther rose, kissed her riends

    papery cheek and said goodbye.No. Esther is staying put. She has no intention o joining her

    riend in Bingoville. Tank you, very much, she told Ceely, as

    she handed back the brochure. Im happy just where I am.

    She and Marty moved here not long aer Ceely ran o to

    a commune in Vermont. Barry was in dental school. Te move

    back to the city had been Martys idea. Gamely, Esther agreed,though not beore spending a day in the basement crying into a

    pile o reshly laundered towels.

    Shed loved her old house, but the city proved to be a tonic.

    Esther and Marty elt reer, lighter, as i city living was like one o

    the miracle diets Esther was always trying. Tey enjoyed learn-

    ing their way around the new neighborhood, though it was verynear to the one they had le years ago when they joined the great

    migration north to the suburbs. Tey discovered the joy o walk-

    ingto restaurants, the hardware store, movies, the library.

    Tey rediscovered the joy o sex. Marty reerred to that time

    as our second honeymoon, but to Esther, their couplings elt

    nothing like their early awkward intimacies. She and Marty be-came eager and playul, but also patient and considerate with

    one another. At the same time, their sex elt X-rated, illicit.

    Esther enjoyed pretending they were lovers sneaking o or an

    assignation in a borrowed room. In bed, she elt as i she were

    somebody else, somebody she would like to know. Suddenly she

    was that somebody! Nothing had prepared her or how good

    she would eel.

    Ten one day, Marty said, I cant believe we wasted all those

    years living in the sticks.

    Esther, who couldnt believe shed ever cried into the towels,

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    Being Esther 15

    hated to think that shed rittered away her lie. Wasted? she

    rowned. Lets just say it was nice while it lasted. She reminded

    Marty o the trees that ormed a canopy over the quiet roads; the

    expanses o green; the tranquil village where the children couldride their bikes to the playground or the ice cream parlor and she

    never had to worry. And hadnt they made interesting riends?

    She was orever entertaining, and like-minded people recipro-

    cated. It elt right at the time, she told Marty.

    I hated every minute o it, he declared, at which point

    Esther retreated to the kitchen and started chopping onions ora pot roast.

    Esther reused to let Marty ruin her joy. She had ew re-

    grets about the past, and she took pleasure in the present.

    Shed loved everything about their new lie, even the build-

    ings name. Te Devonshire Arms was a typical Chicago-style

    buildingthree wings, our stories, dusty yellow brick. Yetshe appreciated the act that there were no lingering cooking

    smells in the hallway as there were in her sister-in-law Claras

    building, where garlic, ried meat, and scorched oil seeped

    into the hallway carpets, the wooden lintels, the paint on the

    wall. Not once has Esther smelled the curries rom the Singhs

    apartment across the hall.And what a surprise and a pleasure it was to encounter

    Lorraine aer all these years, in an apartment across the court-

    yard. Next door to Lorraine lives a young boy who practices

    piano every morning and sometimes at night. In the summer,

    with the windows open, Esther eels as i she is being serenaded.

    And i she asks Milo, the super, to x a leaky aucet or

    change a bulb in the hallway, he responds as i hes been wait-

    ing all day or her call. No. Esther isnt moving. Whats more,

    shell have no part in her daughters get-out-and-do-more

    campaign. Ceely wants Esther to join the mall walkers, take

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    16 Miriam Karmel

    up water aerobics or yoga. Just the other day, while unloading

    a bag o groceries in Esthers kitchen, Ceely remarked that a

    riends eighty-our-year-old mother had taken up tai chi and

    still mowed her own lawn.Ceely has always tried to improve Esther. When she was

    ten years old she hounded Esther to play mah-jongg with the

    other mothers. And why didnt Esther wear eyeshadow and get

    her hair done once a week like Susie Gordons mom? And did

    she have to wear a sweatshirt and corduroy slippers around the

    house? Ceely had a way o making Esther eel like the old loveseat theyd moved to the basement rec room aer the stufng

    started to show.

    All these years later, Esther is still on the deensive. You

    wouldnt believe how much exercise I get just walking around

    the house, she said, as Ceely nished unpacking the grocer-

    ies. Besides, I dont have a lawn to mow. She reminded herdaughter that she walked to the library and the drugstore

    and that she and Lorraine walked to Wing Yees on a regu-

    lar basis. She walked to the market on Devon a ew times a

    week. Tough she doesnt need much, Esther enjoys steering a

    cart up and down the aisles, examining all the products that

    werent available when she was a young woman running a busyhousehold. Te year she took up Chinese cooking, she drove

    halway across Chicago or gingerroot and ve-spice powder.

    Now, when she has little appetite and nobody to cook or, she

    can load her basket with ve kinds o goat cheese, purple pep-

    pers, yellow tomatoes.

    Te supermarket doesnt count, Ceely said, as she stued

    the empty bag under the kitchen sink. She called grocery shop-

    ping an add on, something Esther would do no matter what.

    You need to do more, she declared.

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    Being Esther 17

    And i I dont? How can Esther tell her daughter that some-

    times she is content sitting by the window, looking out at her

    neighbors coming and going, or staring across the courtyard

    and watching Lorraines cat sunning itsel on the windowsill?She can sit without her knitting or a book. She is content doing

    nothing, and she cant explain why.

  • 7/23/2019 Being Esther | A Novel by Miriam Karmel

    20/20

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