Volume 3, May 28, 2013

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Naomi FormanJulia Kuttler

Sta� Writers

GIGI PECCOLONews EditorLANNA GIAUQUEAssitant News Editor

HANNAH GILHAMLifestyles Editor

EMMA MCKAYAssistant Lifestyles Editor

ALEX PROIETTISports Editor

ALEX JOHNSONEditor Elect

SARAH FORDManaging Editor

ANITA BALAKRISHNANEditor Emeritus

KIM NESBITTPhotography Editor

MICHAEL SNODGRASSCopy Chief

NOEL MCKILLIPCopy Editor

CHRIS BACHOpinions Editor

MEG MCINTYREEntertainment Editor

CHRISTIAN ALLENWeb Editor

Editorial Board

Maura SheaBrenda Velasquez

Contributing Writers Distribution

AssistantJacob Bockhorst

FacultyAdviserAmanda Peskin

AdvertisingRepresentativesJD AroraBrooke Edelson

Staff Photographers AdvertisingManagerAdrienne Leonard

Jake Newell

Business ManagerRoderick O’Dorisio

Senior ReportersChristian AllenAnna GauldinCarolyn Neff Kameryn TanitaDanny Zimny-Schmitt

Th e Clarion is the offi cial student publication of the University of Denver. It serves as the Voice of the Pioneers. It does not necessarily refl ect the opinions of the faculty, the staff and/or the admin-istration. Reproduction of Th e Clarion in whole or part in any form written, broadcast or electronic without written permission of Th e Clarion is pro-hibited. Th e opinions expressed by columnists and contributing writers do not necessarily refl ect those of Th e Clarion. Any photograph that has been sub-stantially altered or staged for use as a graphic will be labled as a photo illustration. Weather forecasts are of courtesy of the National Weather Service. Th e Clarion reserves the right to reject advertising, stories, columns or letters to the editor that it deems graphic, obscene or that discriminate on the basis of race, culture, gender or sexual orientation.

Th e Clarion welcomes letters to the editor. Th ose who submit letters must limit them to 350 words. Some letters may not be printed because of space limitations, or because they are similar to a number of letters already received on the same subject or are libelous. Letters may be emailed to editor@duclarion.com. You may also fi ll out a form on Th e Clarion’s website, duclarion.com.

From Red Rocks to legal marijuana, 2013 has been an-other year in which Colorado de� ned itself as edgy and hip. In fact, Colorado wears many masks, from scenic ski slopes and extreme weather changes to swing voters and high per-capita college educations. Whether it’s controversy or climbing that gets you, with 300 days of sun, most of us will admit that there’s nowhere we’d rather be than at DU, nestled in the mountains.

The Best of DU is a compilation of #realtalk from our writers and editors to students. It’s our opinions - some-times sassy, sometimes genuine - on the people, places and things that never quite made the front page, but have been topics of discussion around campus this year. Its meant to document all DU and Denver have to o� er, while re� ecting on what 2012-2013 meant to us as a campus, city, state and nation.

That’s why we chose our theme, Coloradical!. This has been a year of intense Colorado and Pioneer pride, from the Presidential debate to the Lacrosse Final Four.

Here’s to a great summer full of sunshine and micro-brews and a new school year full of academic promise and extra snow on the slopes.

Anita BalakrishnanEditor-in-chief, DU Clarion 2012-2013

Th e “Best of DU” is a Clarion tradition celebrating summer and May Days. It is the compilation of individual opinions, not desinged to represent the voice of all students or Clarion editors, or the faculty, staff and administration of the University of Denver.

Def: Radical \ ‘ra-di-kel\ (slang) Cool, Excellent.

Timeline: DU’s Radical Past

1

1970: DU students organize “Wood-stock of the West” to discuss the invasion of Cambodia and expan-sion of the Vietnam War, resulting in a 2-day strike (DU Today)

MOST DREAMY PROF: RUSSELL FIELDINGIf you are fortunate enough to take Russell Fielding’s “Our

Dynamic Earth” sequence, it’s probably not one you’ll soon forget. With piercing blue eyes, dark, intriguing hair, a body that only an active and outdoorsy thirty-something can claim, and a smile that’s cuter than a field full of puppies, he’s guar-anteed to have your full attention from day one.

After the initial shock of his invitingly good looks wears off (which, admittedly, might take a good portion of the year), you will have the opportunity to actually listen to what he’s teaching.

As much as you may have been dreading the required science sequence, you will likely find yourself pleasantly sur-prised by these courses.

The very high ratings and numerous chili peppers he re-ceived on Rate My Professor are more than well deserved, and his teaching methods and looks alike will keep you intrigued and engaged for each and every class period. His excellent and creative teaching methods will almost certainly get your juices flowing when it comes time to study, making it surprisingly fun and enjoyable.

You can certainly stick with his effective examples, such as different kinds of cars for various weather fronts, relatable Colorado events, or personal stories from his extensive out-door exploits, but I can almost guarantee you’ll have no prob-lem coming up with creative ideas of your own.

The exciting and exotic maneuvers of dangerous ani-mals? The electrifying and charged air of a dangerous thunderstorm? The hypnotic, cyclonic movements of a hur-ricane? The smoldering and raw intrigue of a forest fire?

The dark, raw power of a rotating tornado? A tsunami’s overwhelming wave of wetness? These are not concepts that you’ll soon forget, especially with Fielding’s expert experi-ence, strong and heightened methods, and eager guidance leading the way.

If you’re still worried about fulfilling that science require-ment, don’t. If you do manage to miss something, you’ll just have to visit Dr. Fielding in his office for a little extra time and encouragement. What was that scale for measuring earth-quakes again? Rocketeer? Rock-her? Richter? Doesn’t that in-volve bed-rock? Actually, the real question is: does it matter? If you fail, you’ll get to take his class again.

HONORABLE MENTION:CHIARA PIOVANI, ECONOMICS

“Th ere would be no regulation on our love. Professor Piovani could be a MNC and I could be China’s environment: she could have her way with me.”

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Timeline: DU’s Radical Past

1975-1987: Richard Lamm, DU professor, served as Colorado Governor, passing “radical” progressive legislation, such as environmental protection and abortion laws. (DU portfolio)

We’ve all had those painfully bor-ing classes – the ones where it’s a constant struggle just to keep your eyes open and the drone of your professor’s voice can seem like a twisted lullaby coaxing you into a blissful but grade-wrecking sleep. Th ere are a lot of those classes. And they absolutely, positively, without a doubt, suck.

In classes like these, I prefer to look to a distraction, something that will keep me awake and hopefully allow me to ab-sorb some of the content through osmosis or something. More oft en than not, that distraction might be readily present in the classroom, simply waiting to be pondered. My distraction of choice? Th e older, more intellectual, more interesting (and oft en, way more attractive) Teacher’s Assistant.

Okay, so I could see some of you back-ing away in disgust at this point. I’ll admit that what I just said could come off a little creepy. Who checks out their TA during class? Are you admitting to some school girl obsession with a guy that’s basically your teacher? Do you not realize how weird and gross and wildly inappropriate that is?

Yeah, that’s probably the automatic re-sponse. But let’s be real here. If you’re telling me you’ve never noticed that your TA just happens to be super attractive, and have never occasionally turned your thoughts to him or her instead of your studies, you are absolutely lying. Th is is a college, people. Not a convent.

And plus, I’ve been told that there are many drool worthy TAs residing at DU – but personally, there’s only one guy who holds my eye: Harry Katz. If you don’t know who he is, you’ve never had him as a TA. Trust me. You’d know.

But one thing’s for sure – if you’ve got a thing for the awkward yet sexy type, Harry Katz is the TA for you. He’s got an irresistible, charmingly crooked smile, which pairs per-fectly with his nerdy-chic (okay that may be a bit of an exaggeration) faded T-shirts and worn out jeans. Add in the fact that he’s fun-ny, sweet and super helpful as a TA, you’ve got a guy that’s totally crush worthy.

Plus, just consider that laugh! It’s so awkwardly adorable that it makes me want to lie down and die. Harry’s got smarts, looks, a winning personality and an infec-tious laugh – what more could you want from the star of your daydreams?

In my mind, there’s absolutely no contest; Harry Katz is the best looking TA on the DU cam-pus. If you’re plan-ning to take a class in the Geography department, you should try to fi nd out if Harry Katz will be one of your TAs. I guarantee that no matter how boring that class ends up being, you defi nitely won’t re-gret your decision to take it. If Harry Katz is present there will be plenty of other things to think (and daydream) about.

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MOST ATTRACTIVE TA: HARRY KATZ

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Timeline: DU’s Radical Past

We all know that most history courses will put you to sleep faster than you can say, “Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492.” Especially when forced to stare at the same pages of notes for two hour-with maybe a five-minute break…maybe.

Fortunately for us there is one professor that takes the entertainment value of his history lessons extremely seriously. I’m talking learn-ing about when it was so-cially acceptable to practice the ideology “an eye for an eye,” hearing all the gory details of ancient wartime battles and when conspira-cies to overthrow kings were as common as people wear-ing togas that did not in-volve a party of Korbel grad students. That’s right – Dr. Rockwell is our very own ancient world expert.

As ratemyprofessor.com refl ects, Rockwell’s classes are not for students looking for an easy A. No, no, no … students actually have to attend class, take notes and prepare for the exams. But for any history buff s out there, this is not challenging seeing as most of his lectures contain enough violence, romance and twist and turns to make a popu-lar TV show. Anyone a fan of HBO’s Rome or Games of Th rone? Th ose shows pretty much sum up Rockwell’s classes in a nutshell.

And while we’re being honest, he’s not half bad to look at either.

Take his class

Fall quarter: HIST 3305: “Warfare and politics in Ancient Greece”Tuesday/Thursday, 10 a.m.-12 p.m., CRN: 4289

May 28, 2013 3

1986: World Snowboard Cham-puipionships move to Brecken-ridge, only 5 years after the fi rst competition (Colorado Ski and Snowboard museum)

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Every year when wide-eyed former AP-ers and IB-ers innocently enter their freshman years, many of them resolutely decide to con-tinue their high academ-ic pursuits in college, thinking, “What better way to do that than join the honors program?”

Aft er reading the convincing and well-de-

signed business mailings they decide the program will be a good way to continue their in-terests, expand their horizons and take interesting classes with interesting people.

The more experienced among us pity them. They will soon discover their unfortu-nate folly. In strict contrast to its carefully constructed hype, the “University Honors Pro-gram” on campus is perhaps the most limiting, frustrating, disappointing and time-con-suming academic option avail-able to students at DU.

With requirements that

make transfer credits irrel-evant (in a program filled with graduates of programs like AP and IB), extremely limited class options (the only option for an honors ASEM in the fall was a class entitled “Think-ing”), and professors that of-ten seem to confuse the idea of “in-depth courses” with the concept of “assign as much random and somewhat irrel-evant reading as possible”, the honors program consistently proves to disgruntle even the most academically-motivated students on campus.

For students in the honors

CAMPUS CrawlWhere to see and be seen (or not) if you’re a righteous DU dude or dudette

program, the only two ways to opt out of these limited op-tions (and take a non-honors course that might actually be interesting or relevant) are to: take several additional honors courses to make up for the one you missed, or spend several hours writing an honors con-tract that will essentially ask professors to completely re-structure their classes (many of which were more in-depth and worthwhile than available honors classes to begin with).

Th e plethora of polite and strongly worded emails alike that are sent each quarter by

MOST MADDENINGRESUME BOOSTER

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Everybody loves a good adrenaline rush. In search of an adventure, many thrill seek-ers turn to haunted houses, to sky diving, to amusement parks. Th ey ski down treacherous slopes and climb daunting mountains; they watch horror movies and raft down raging rapids.

Perhaps in an eff ort to cater to this audience, DU provided its own adventure outlet on campus, conveniently located at 2222 S. High St. Curious? Look no further than Nelson Hall.

If your goal is an adventur-ous living situation, it is tough to top Nelson Hall at DU. Th e early hours of the morning, for example, are no longer a time for sleeping. Particularly on

the coldest and the snowiest of nights, Nelson Hall fi re alarms ring proudly, dragging adventur-ous students out of their beds at 4 a.m. and sending them to the sidewalks, where a fashion show of pajamas and sweatpants com-mences immediately.

Only adding to the adven-ture is a guessing game, in which students must try to decide the cause of their evacuation. Th e answer is typically elevated lev-els of carbon monoxide—and what’s more adventurous than trying to go back to sleep with thoughts of poisonous gas seep-ing into your dreams?

If the evacuations alone aren’t enough to convince you, let us examine further the ad-

BEST PLACE TO LIVE ON THE EDGE

May 28, 20134

CAMPUS CrawlWhere to see and be seen (or not) if you’re a righteous DU dude or dudette

angry,concerned or simply in-quisitive students seem to con-sistently fall on inboxes that are both deaf and mute.

Admittedly, there are a few real benefi ts—registering before everyone else is always a good thing, honors events are quite nice (who doesn’t want to go to a play or art show downtown fol-lowed by dessert for free?), and the accolade does spruce up a resume. However, the enjoyment one can gain from these dimin-ishes signifi cantly when the gi-ant pile of busywork waiting to be fi nished still looms for an honors class the next morning.

venturous avenues down which Nelson Hall may take you.

Few things in life provide more of an adrenaline rush than submerging oneself in ice water, so the residence hall has conve-niently provided an opportunity for this in the form of showers. Th ink you are going to take a consistently hot shower anytime between 8 a.m. and 11 p.m.? Odds are typically one in three. Post-midnight bathing generally provides warmer temperatures, so there are two options for ad-venture: Risk hypothermia by showering at any normal hour of day, or defy standard sleeping habits to gamble for water heated above room temperature. Two fantastic chances for a thrill, and

it is all up to you to decide.Head downstairs, and the

opportunities for adventure mul-tiply. Doing laundry is always the most drawn out of adventures, as students must hunt for an open machine and then partake in the sacred laundry dance to pray the washer or dryer will actually work. Oft entimes, students also get to participate in the excit-ing physical activity of hauling another student’s dripping wet clothing out of a washer while avoiding underwear contact at all costs. Th is, of course, must be done at an exceptional speed, so as to avoid awkward contact if the aforementioned student fi -nally decides to complete his or her laundry process.

Move into the lobby, and you will get to participate in yet another guessing game: Will the printer be working? On occa-sion, the Nelson Hall staff will take the adventure out of it by posting a “Broken” sign. If this is the case, lucky students get to trek to one of the other residence halls, oft en braving the wilder-ness of freshman territory, to seek another printer.

On the most thrilling days, however, there is no sign, and stu-dents get to spend precious min-utes trying to access the printer’s screen, where an error message would be located, which is con-veniently located on the side of the printer furthest away from students. Of course, all of this can

only occur if students fi gure out the magical angle to swipe their IDs at to log in to their respective printing accounts.

Still not convinced? Con-tinue down the hallway to the dining hall, where the adven-ture never ends. Not only can you never guess what will be served, not only is it impos-sible to predict what those options will actually taste like, but this year, for some odd reason, students are also un-able to predict whether a table will actually be available to sit at while eating. One must also, of course, consider the thrill that is meatless Mon-days. You just can’t top that adventure.

NELSON HALL

BEST CONFUSING RENOVATIONANDERSON ACADEMIC COMMONS

Spring quarter kicked off with a grand re-opening that had the campus buzzing with anticipation. Aft er two years of frustration, DU students were able to view their new library! But hopes fell fl at as brows furrowed in confusion.

Looking at the new An-derson Academic Commons, it doesn’t seem very “new” at all. Large chunks of the origi-nal Penrose (like the tan-col-ored walls with their salm-on-tinted squares) off set the cream and grey stone façade - the promising beginnings of an uncompleted renova-tion. Sections of bronze met-al strips reveal the library’s underlying infrastructure as if the construction team ran out of materials to cover it with. And in fact, two entire backsides facing Evans re-main wholly untouched.

But students were will-ing to forgive this disappoint-ment if the inside made up for it. Aft er all, we’re taught not to judge a book by its cover, right? Unfortunately, the in-side is just as pock-marked

interactive screen, stand-ing proudly in the lobby as a preview of the excessive high-tech decorations per-meating the rest of the li-brary: a large fl at-screen TV adorns every work table area in the basement level-all of which remain turned off .

As you examine the li-brary’s interior, you may feel a hint of nostalgia. Th ink Th at 70s Show meets Th e Jetsons. Why this eclectic combination? “To remind anyone who knew Penrose Library that its spirit still lives on here,” states the DU website, under an article titled “40 Th ings to Love [about the AAC].”

In the end, the two-year renovation process is estimated to have cost ap-proximately $32 million, re-ceiving support from 5,464 donors. Looking at the rising price of tuition, the return of Penrose ameni-ties combined with the new features of Anderson might take this writer a while to fall in love with.

as the exterior, featuring mis-matched furniture.

Some of the more prom-ising new features include rows of student lockers, movable bookcases, “Cones of Silence” hanging from the ceiling and the Perched Classroom, or “Th e Loft ”, where thrill-seeking students can get their fi x in the class-room’s mid-air suspension. Alas, the movable bookcases provide a frustrating barrier to reach books, the “Cones of Silence” look odd and alien, and “Th e Loft ” is used mostly for library staff meetings.

Librarians are excited about the AAC’s bountiful collection of books stretching eight miles long! But given the argument used to support the decision of transporting half of Penrose’s books off -campus last year (insisting that students never checked those books out anyway), it’s likely that the majority of these new texts will never see the light of day.

And last but not least, students walking into the li-brary are greeted by a giant

May 28, 2013 5

May 28, 20136

BEST CLUB SPORTS TO CRUSH ONPI NEERS!

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RUGBYDU Men’s Club Rugby has everything you want in a sport: a rich his-

tory, a bright future, aggressive wins and short shorts. Originally founded in 1968 (a mere seven years aft er the abolishment of football at DU), the rugby team has experienced a spirited revival in the past decade. Th eir well-maintained website updates their die-hard fans multiple times a week on the latest scores, refl ecting the dedication and support provided by the coaches and Rugger Huggers, who raise money to fund a near-varsity level practice and travel schedule (their season lasts almost the entire school year.)

And Rugger Huggers’ support, matched with the team’s truly brutal practice schedule, has paid off with a highly successful 2012-2013 sea-son. According to their website, they fi nished highest in club history in the NSCRO rankings, landing 4th out of 211 teams. Further, fi ve of the 15 players chosen for the NSCRO all-tournament team were DU players. Given that the Final Four tourney was held right here in Glendale, there has never been more excitement surrounding their hard work and success.

Needless to say, his team plows through challenges like it does the rival team’s players. Th e fact that there is no D1 Varsity or NCAA level of competition (and all the resources and scholarships that come with it), or that most athletes come in to school with no exposure to rugby, doesn’t stop them from recruiting and molding a large and dedicated team. Coach Allan Wilson has been with the team on and off for 20 years, working on building the team up to its original glory, according to a May 14, 2012 article in the DU Clarion by Marley Schaefer.

Th ese editors would say he’s done pretty well. Not only is rugby ex-citing to watch, but the muscular, passionate, committed guys? Certainly arouses some Pioneer spirit.

RowingOur J. Crew, Ralph Lauren and Lacoste-clad hearts are a-twitter –

DU has crew. Just a month into their inaugural season, this co-ed team combines prep-school polish with massive upper arms and cold, sunrise practices on the lake – the makings of either a romantic Ryan Gosling fi lm or the start of a competitive DU tradition. Looks aside, this team already has the dedication, sprit and teamwork of a well-established club sport, making the brand-new club a big contender for our attention (and hearts) in years to come.

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So, you fi nally made it to the gym. You’re wearing a dirty gray shirt from orien-tation week with some random gym shorts that you’re fairly sure were from the high school sport you quit, aft er citing political diff erences, but really because it interfered with the LOST season fi nale.

But now you’re an ‘adult’ and ‘adults’ are supposed to be healthy and work out and blah blah blah. It doesn’t help that Denver is full of runners, bikers and tele-marathoners, skiers and mothers who lift weights while pushing a double baby stroller in the park while you sit in the grass drinking wine and reading trashy magazines on a Saturday af-ternoon.

So you’re here: Th e gym. Th e golden path to beauty, fi tness, health, and looking so-damn-hot. Right?

Wrong. Because the girl next to you is not sweating or breathing hard and she is wearing the newest and most attractive Vic-toria’s Secret sports bra and rocking her per-

fect abs and perfectly done hair. How is this happening? You look down

at the weight-lift ing area (does it have an of-fi cial name? I don’t even know) and there are 20 fi t and aggressive looking males who are somehow tan and attractive as well. Wait, where are the freshman 15-ers? I want to work out with them.

Th en, the beautiful yoga girls descend the staircase, talking about vegan burritos and Skinny-Girl cocktails and “omg, how epic was that vinyasa?”

It’s ok, just focus. Keep running. You will never be able to compete with these strange, alien members of gym society. Because they are the elite. And most of us, the ones who actually work out- we look disgusting. And we don’t have the breath to talk about veg-anism or to do our Poli-Sci reading or to do much of anything but try to remember that working out is good for you and not absolute torture against your body. Why does it hurt so much?

S o m e p e o p l e are blessed to get away with “going to the gym” which translates to walking half heartedly on one of those Star Wars walker things and never breaking a sweat or losing their breath but somehow still fi tting in a size 0 dress and having perfectly clear skin.

Th ese are robots. Do not try and compete with them. Day

drinking in the park is much more fun, any-way.

Determined to stay healthy anyway?Coors Fitness Center Summer hours June 10 - Aug. 315 a.m. – 10 p.m. Monday – Th ursday5 a.m. – 9 p.m. Friday6 a.m. – 7 p.m. Saturday6 a.m. – 9 p.m. Sunday

BEST SELF-ESTEEM KILLER: COORS FITNESS CENTER

May 28, 2013 7

YOU TELL US How Clarion editors stack up against readers’ choice

Editors’ picks Reader’s choice

May 28, 20138

BEST STUDENT ORG

Editors’ picks Reader’s choiceBEST FRATERNITY

Reader’s choiceEditors’ picks BEST SORORITY

Th e Alpine Club does over 20 outdoor trips a year, from downhill skiing to ice climb-ing, mountain biking and backpacking, what more could you ask for from DU’s largest student organization?

Th e PB&J club meets every Th ursday night to make pea-nut butter and jelly sandwich-es for the homeless, which they pack up in sack lunches and hand out in downtown Denver on Fridays.

The DU Grilling Society shows up at most big on campus events, prepared to serve students a tasty grilled meal.

Sigma Chi is responsible for one of the Greek System’s favor-ite events: Derby Days, which is sure to be a good time – as it pits sorority against sorority, fun is had by all (in the name of a good cause).

Th eta Chi is full of sweet-hearts and guys who are al-ways fun to be around. Th ey haven’t got the biggest chap-ter on campus, nor do they have a house, but they make up for it in personality.

Date-A-Beta is defi nitely a favorite, especially when ro-mantic balloon rides and four course meals are up for bid. Th en there’s the fact they held their formal in Las Vegas this year – can you say extravagant?

DUPB115 votes

SIGMA CHI65 votes

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Editors’ picks Reader’s choiceBEST ATHLETE

Delta Zeta reeled in the most awards of any Greek organiza-tion at Greek Awards this year, totaling seven in all. Th ey also throw Big Man on Campus, in which the fraternity men of DU strut their stuff . Provocative dancing, well dressed men and hilarious talent acts: all in the name of a good cause.

Delta Delta Delta: Th ese girls are totally chill. TriDelts are always up for fun and they get along with everyone. Plus, they provide DU’s campus with one of its favorite events – DHOP. Who doesn’t love pancakes in the middle of the night? Th anks for your syr-upy goodness, Tri Delt.

Alpha Phi: What’s not to like about Alpha Phi? The girls are sweet, the events are awesome (Tacos!) and they definitely know how to have a good time. Plus they’ve got the advantage of being based right in the middle of campus.

EDITORS NOTE: Since the May 14 release of this poll, the Mascot Steering Committee has narrowed down the fi nal mascot choices to 3, as opposed to the 7 initially presented in this poll. It plans to release an offi cial poll this summer to DU students based on these choices. However, the Clarion is commited to giving each reader a voice. We have forwarded your answers to the com-mittee in light of their decision. Results of the poll are available on request and letters to the editor are welcomed. For questions about the upcoming survey, please contact mascot@du.edu.

Sophomore guard Brett Olson was named WAC Player of the Week 3 times, named to the All-WAC 3rd Team and fi nished 1st in the WAC in 3 point fi eld goal percentage, 1st in assist-turnover ratio and 7th in minutes played.

Senior defender Kate Hen-rich was named to the Inter-collegiate Women’s Lacrosse Coaches Association All-America Second Team, Syn-apse Sports All-America Sec-ond Team, among others.

Junior Moriah Martin was the lone Pioneer to advance to the NCAA Championships, where she placed second on vault and 16th in all-around and was a First Team All-America hon-oree on vault.

Reader’s choiceEditors’ picks BEST HAPPY HOUR

Illegal Pete’s Happy Hour is ev-ery day, 3-8 p.m. Free chips and salsa, $4 margaritas and $2.50 Coors. With an outdoor patio for soaking up sun and people watching, the hipster bearded employees and dancey tunes, Il-legal Pete’s takes the gold.

Th e Stadium is the ultimate bar for casual conversa-tion, pool and getting far too intoxicated. $10 credit card minimum=5 Beam & Cokes=Game Changer. Se-riously, Jim Beam whiskey drinks are $2 all day, everyday.

Every Th ursday from 5-10 p.m. Jordan’s off ers half priced wine bottles ($11-13, normally $22-25 per bottle.) Also $5 ap-petizer pizza with your choice of three toppings makes Jor-dan’s a contender in the battle for best Happy Hour.

GAMMA PHI BETA

251 votes

CHRIS UDOFIA71 votes

ILLEGAL PETE’S

73 votes

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Ah, the email signature – every college student’s attempt at the impossible task of garnering ethos with little to no real job experience. While some struggle to make it past the purple Comic Sans text and “yahoo.com” addresses, other rise to in-timidating – if not incredulous - heights of email . For our graduating class enter-ing the real world, there are a few standout students who send us deep into the throes of an existential crisis about our lack of qualifications straight from their Black-berries. These gargantuan gestures may be over the top, but they are also a digi-tal reassurance that at least a few of us DU Millenials are prepared to be gainfully and meaningfully employed.

Vanessa Teck – Not only is her Google + profi le picture completely stunning, but she has not three, not four, but 12 titles under her name in her email signature. Highlights include co-founding her own non-profi t, Project Ava, designed to showcase youth and the issues that motivate them (“Social entre-preneurs empower, inspire youth” by Hsing Tseng for the DU Clarion, January 15), but also her own about.me anchored web page and multitudes of both on- and off -campus positions. Beautiful, passionate, charismatic - it’s no surprise she’s electable, boasting positions in Undergraduate Student Gov-ernment, AHSS Student Advisory Council and Asian Student Alliance. But don’t sell her

short – service to the Asian Pacifi c Ameri-cans for Progress Colorado, Miss Asian American Colorado Leadership, Collabo-ration of Asian American Student Leaders, And the Center for Multicultural Excellence – this girl’s serious about what she believes and isn’t afraid to work hard to show it. Bal-lin’ resume aside, the long and short of it is that this girl’s got it going on.

Craig Hirokawa – Teck’s partner in crime, Hirokawa also lends his (probably too many) waking hours to Asian Student Alli-ance, USG, AHSS Student advisory Council, the Collaboration of Asian American Lead-ers and the Honors Program. In addition, he carries the arduous weight of being the Nelson Hall DM. He’s also part of the Colo-rado Dragon Boat Festival Emerging Leaders program. It’s not entirely clear from the get-go what this could be, but if there’s one thing we’ve learned from Game of Th rones, its’ that not to mess with a dragon. He’s carrying his skills from DU forward to join Teach for America this summer, according to the May 2013 AHSS Expressions newsletter – which means he’ll be using all those accolades to make a diff erence for years to come.

Sam Estenson – While this USG presi-dent keeps his signatures short and catered to the recipient, he packs a real punch with his trademark sign-off , “In Pioneer spirit.” While a CV at the bottom of an email stabs at our egos and vanity, this one digs deep at

the soul. Once Pioneer spirit leaves the realm of the LAX stands and the graduation cer-emonies, one has to wonder – “Am I, in this very moment, in Pioneer spirit? What are the signs? Does it matter if I’m baptized?” Th ese are the questions that haunt those of us that have been blessed with Estensonian corre-spondence. With profound aphorisms and the resume to back it up, it’ll be no surprise if this Pioneer has a bright future in business or politics.

Honorable mentions - While there are too many qualifi ed Pioneers to list here (don’t worry, we’ll endorse your LinkedIns later) , here are a couple of signoff ’s that couldn’t escape mention

Ryan Schultz – While Shultz’s emails are classy, short and well-written, it’s a dif-ferent kind of signature that gives him away, present at DUPB fi lms, residence halls and USG meetings, among his many other so-cieties and commitments. Th at’s right – it’s the signature laugh. Th is hearty bellow never ceases to bring a smile to our faces, putting the stamp of Pioneer fun into all campus events. You’ll be missed.

Sean McNi� – Any student org vet knows McNiff as the student comptroller. Th ough he’s leaving the post to fi nish up his MBA at Daniels’, we know that any guy who signs off on thousands of dollars of deposits and withdrawals on the reg has to be ready for real-world responsibilities.

BEST EMAIL SIGNATURES DESTINED FOR GREATNESS

TECK, HIROKAWA, ESTENSON

BEST DU LIFER: STEVE FISHERHONORABLE MENTION: PUCK SWAMI, ORIGINS UNKNOWNAny Facebook user has felt his magnani-mous presence, commenting deeply and thoughtfully on DU pages, profi les and blogs, faithfully cheering on Pioneer ath-letics. Oh, Puck Swami - who are you?

Steve Fisher, University Historian, has been on staff at DU since 1977 and the head Curator of Special Collections since 1981. In that time, the university – and the world – has changed drastically.

With the 150th anniversary of DU coming up, he’s hard at work digitizing the many archives of DU photographs and publications, while managing to squeeze in attendance to almost every athletic and school spirit event.

Anyone who has worked with Fisher will tell you that he goes above and beyond the call of duty in every respect. If you ask for a single fact about DU history, Fisher will provide con-tacts, articles and archives. He’s knowledge ex-ceeds simple competence and interest to ency-clopedic prowess and contagious enthusiasm. To take a tour around DU with this man would be to enter the DU Matrix.

In fact, Fisher has written a book on the subject: “A Brief History of South Denver and University Park,” according to the DU website. He’s also a DU parent, as both his children went through DU. Fisher is even brave enough to reside on High Street, deep in the heart of DU she-nanigans.

Fisher has called his job “per-fect” and “his calling.” We tend to agree. His loyal readership of the Clarion, sup-port of Pioneer athletics and academic and historical expertise make him the perfect match for the job, and one of DU’s (and our) sweethearts.

May 28, 2013 11

Thank you 2013 Senior Class Donors

Haven’t made your gift to the Senior Class Campaign yet?Get your name on the donor honor roll by giving any amount at:

du.edu/ascend/seniorgift2013*Donor honor roll represents gifts and completed pledges as of May 24, 2013

Thanks to the generosity of 155 graduating seniors, the Class of 2013 is already at 13.1% participation towards our goal of 15%

Jason AldersonRobert BarrettKaitlin BastLogie BeckAlexandra BefusBailey BeinsSophia BergnerFabio BiasionMegan BobroskeAndrew BonusJoshua BrewerKristina BuckinghamElizabeth BunkerJillian BurghoffParker CalbertLara CampbellChase CarraroSimona Castro LazoRegina Chilton-ParrisKimberly ChristiansenMikayla ClarkRachel ContizanoLauren CooperIan CornishJeffrey CoxKelli DavisKristine DietrichChristian DoodyAndrew DoughertyKelly DrackMichelle Earley

Samson EberhartNicholas EggemeyerMari EldenKaren EscobarJacqueline FaustCameron FlintBlake FoemanMatthew FouracreMolly GaschLeah GetchellMikaela GibsonJulia GodshawMarc GoldenbergJackson GossardSara GrabowskiJessica GringAna GutierrezNicole GuzofskyChase HallamJillian HaltermanQuinn HarmonJonathan HaveyPatrick HennessyKate HenrichLeah HenryKyle HercherTheresa HernandezJames HillsCraig HirokawaYifeng HongFrancis Hope

Lori HuffakerEmma IsbergNicholas IwanickiMeredith JacksonBonnie-Jean JenkinsJana JohnsonLyndi JohnsonMark JonesDylan JonesMegan KellyMaria KhanFaimie-Rose KingsleyMontana KnappChristopher KnowltonEric LawJudy LazoAndrew LeeYao LeiTimothy LeuschnerShuyi LiaoRobin LindgrenMegan LloydBrian LloydErica MaddoxMark MaguireLingshuang MaoSteven MarchettoMatthew MarkhamTrygve MarksetMelissa MartinKevin McFarling

Kirsten MilbergCimone MinerKelli MowreyAdam MurrayCameron NewellHulya O'BrienShawn OstrowJorge Palma-FragaNicole PattersonBenjamin PetersNgoc PhanPaul PhillipsSarah PomerantzStuart PortmanXihe QinVanessa RacehorseJordan RathStefanie RathJustin RitterMary RogersLisa RollinsMichelle RosengrantAshley RuizVictoria RuizAlicia SanchezHayden SchuetteRyan SchultzColin ScottKara SecoraBlake ShannonDevin Sharp

George SimoudisEmiko SmithSean SnodgrassNadia SonkinaKristian SorlundBrianna SpringerGrace SteinJackson StevensCatherine SuffolettaAlexandra SuppanTaylor SutcliffeClark TappyVanessa TeckMolly TomkinsCamila Toscana RodriguezTia ToturaKyle UnderrinerKathryn Van LieshoutFrank VarneyKalie VaughnClaudia VillalbaJens VorkefeldMeryl WarnerMark WeigandBrittany WilhelmAnne WoolmanColeton WorsleyJoshua WrenFlorence YaegerTaylor Young Pamela Young

If you don’t like garlic … go home! Printed along the bottom of its trade-mark red and white canopy, Th e Saucy Noodle’s slogan warns passersby that its dishes are not for the fainthearted.

With nearly 50 years of experience in serving Cherry Creek, Washington Park and Bonnie Brae locals, the Saucy Noodle has perfected the use of garlic in its home-style Italian dishes, ranging from hand-tossed pizza covered in garlic marinara sauce to baked ravioli comple-mented by fi st-sized meatballs.

In 1964, Sam Badis purchased the restaurant, then known as Jim Sa-no’s, and ownership has passed down through his family for nearly fi ve de-cades. For the entirety of that period,

While the prices are aff ordable, the restaurant itself provides a classy, cozy and romantic atmosphere, perfect for date night or an evening out with friends. It is also an ideal location for family dinners when parents come into town. Th e service is fast and friendly, and the dim lighting allows for easy entrance into the leisurely state associated with the best meals.

Th e dessert menu is phenomenal, including chocolate ganache cake and a cinnamon roll sundae, in addition to Ital-ian classics such as tiramisu and choco-late chip cannoli. Th e Saucy Noodle also off ers a lunch menu, served 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Monday through Saturday, with dinner service beginning at 4:30 p.m. daily. Th ere is a gluten free menu, and whole grain pasta can be substituted in most meals, so diners of all preferences are sure to fi nd something appetizing.

With nearly 50 years to build its repu-tation, Th e Saucy Noodle is oft en packed full on weekends, so it is best to make a reservation. To do so, diners can either call 303-733-6977 or visit Th e Saucy Noo-dle’s website at www.saucynoodle.com.

AROUND townWhere to see and be seen (or not) if you’re a righteous DU dude or dudette

the Saucy Noodle has been located in the same picturesque building at 727 S. University Blvd.

Now owned by Badis’ grand-daughter, Erin Markham, and her husband, Nathan, the restaurant has doubled in size. Many things have re-mained constant over the decades, however, such as the trademark red velvet walls. Antiques cover the color-ful interior, many of which were col-lected by Badis in the 60s and 70s from across the country.

Easily fi tting into a college stu-dent’s budget, Th e Saucy Noodle off ers numerous meals for $15 or less, includ-ing meat lover’s pizza, chicken parmi-giana and spaghetti and meatballs. One of the best deals is the Maestro’s Com-bination Plate, which includes rigatoni, ravioli and the choice of spaghetti or homemade linguine, in addition to a giant meatball or hot Italian sausage. Like the majority of the meals, the combination plate also includes garlic bread and a salad, and the half-order ($14.95) leaves plenty for left overs.

towntown

BEST LOCAL RESTAURANT

THE S

AUCY

NOO

DLE

Like that infectious, dorm-living-cough that just won’t go away, Th e Border has lingered - or festered - somewhere near the hearts DU students since forever.

It’s uncanny, really, that this estab-lishment has not been bulldozed by health codes or the mayor of Denver or Coombe Daddy or anybody with regard to the sexual, moral and mental wellbeing of DU students.

Th e source of many wild college nights, the Border has a rich history, vi-brant with stabbings, vomiting on tables, bathrooms and dance fl oors and many last memories of a Th ursday evening before waking up at a random High Street house on Friday morning. We’ve all had our fair share of fun evenings at Th e Border, ac-

companied by our matching Maine or Arizona “IDs.”

However, that doesn’t stop Th e Bor-der from obtaining a symbolic and Rocky-esque quality. Th e underdog bar; the nos-talgic infestation of humanity.

So, why can’t we shake Th e Bor-der? Is it the sticky booths stained by all kinds of bodily and alcoholic fl uids? Is it the recently removed stripper pole? Perhaps the terrible DJ who somehow always manages to mishear your song request? Or the bar-tenders who are not really nice or necessar-ily mean, but are not good at their jobs?

Call it “Th e Border” or “Mer-chants Mile High Saloon,” or whatever you like; does it really matter?

Th e Border is the seedy underbelly of DU. It has, and likely always will have, that train-wreck aff ect on students and Den-verites alike; we just can’t look away from the debauchery. You can’t kill that kind of place, despite multiple shut downs due to underage drinking.

So hang tight kids, Th e Border is here to stay. All Vodka vomit, stained hearts and broken dreams. Cue “Eye of the Tiger.”

BEST ROCKY-STYLE COMEBACK

THE BORDER

May 28, 201312

AROUND townWhere to see and be seen (or not) if you’re a righteous DU dude or dudette

May 28, 2013 13

Any caffeine addict (and we jour-nalists have many among us) will tell you that Starbucks is to coffee as Taco Bell is to Mexican Food – that is, if Taco Bell charged $10 a chalupa. Sodexo, too, leaves much to be desired (no offense, Donald, Kim and Ebeneezer, we love you!). So what’s a night-owl or early riser to do to avoid charred beans?

Enter Beantree, which opened a new location in February on University. The beans are fresh, local (roasted fresh and delivered from Boulder), come in a wide variety and your java is made to order. These guys know coffee – from Sumatra to Java to French Roast, there’s no need for sugar on these smooth, lay-ered blends.

Plus, they have actual food – not

just pastries – including crepes, waffles and Korean fare. And boba tea –lots of it, both milk tea and snow. If you have the need for late night snacks and cof-fee for a long night of studying, they are open til 11 p.m. (just as late as Stel-

la’s but more convenient, more tasty and less crowded.) Need we say more?

Oh yes, we do. The prices are rea-sonable, and in comparison to their competitors on the corner, you actu-ally get more than you pay for.

BEST COFFEE SHOP: BEANTREE COFFEE

townBEST PLACE TO FEEL

LIKE AN ADULT

Sure, we all loved those moments playing Frisbee on the JMAC beach in our bras or running down the alley behind High Street blowing an airhorn at 4 a.m.. But once in a while, it’s nice to feel like an adult. I recently had this somewhat-transcendental experience while I was wasting away over a latte, waiting to meet a grad student at Beans, located conveniently in the Knoebel School of Hospitality. Suddenly, coff ees and newspapers were cleared away and replaced with immaculately staged hor d’oeuvres (free) and good, high quality wine and beer ($5 and $6 a glass, respectively).

Turns out this thing, Beans aft er Dark, happens every Th ursday from 4:30-7 p.m. Mostly attended by grad students, its classy, elegant and a great place to network or unwind right on campus. And run entirely by students (many Hospitality ma-jors – they know their stuff ), it supports student enterprise and learning. In fact, Beans has become totally self-suffi cient this year. Whether you’re dabbling in adulthood or just thinking of hosting a theme party on the subject, Beans aft er Dark is a great place to try out classy conversation while staying in your campus comfort zone.

Visit du.bkstr.comfor buyback hours and locations

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