Biblical Soul Care in Small Groups

Session #2

I. Love

II. Know

III. Speak

IV.  Do

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Entering the world of saints as both suffers, and sinners. Engaging in wise, compassionate, intentional heart-assessment

Know

•  Gathering information simply refers to the ongoing dynamic of normal interpersonal relationships of drawing out the relevant facts of a person’s life-experiences.

•  No meaningful relationship can be developed or sustained without gleaning vital and relevant facts about...

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Gathering Information Relevant Facts about...

•  the person •  the problems •  the person’s perspectives about...

–  himself

–  his problems

–  God

–  The solutions to his problems

•  the historical patterns of thinking and behaviors regarding those problems

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Know the Person

•  Believer? •  Unbeliever? •  Mature? •  Immature? •  Sinner? Experiencing God’s Discipline? •  Sufferer? Experiencing God’s testing and refining?

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Understanding the FACTS

•  Enables you to view the other person’s world through their eyes and feel their emotions and relate to their suffering.

•  Effective information-gathering builds Involvement

•  Models God’s way of dealing with people

•  Gives HOPE.

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Failure to Gather Information

•  It is impossible to minister to a person without accurate facts

•  Failure prevents accurate interpretations &/or discernment

•  Failure prevents sharing the hope of Christ in relevant ways to people in need.

•  Failure at gathering information is sinful

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Example of Failure

•  12As she [Hannah] continued praying before the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. 13Hannah was speaking in her heart; only her lips moved, and her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli took her to be a drunken woman. 14And Eli said to her, “How long will you go on being drunk? Put your wine away from you.” (1 Sam.1:13-14)

•  “We want to put romance back into our marriage”

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Gather Information- a Biblical Command/Warning

•  13 If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.

•  15 An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.

•  17 The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.

(Prov.18:13,15,17)

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Know Yourself!

•  Know who you are - Beggar pointing another beggar to the Bread (2 Cor. 4:7)

•  Know your role – ambassador - not a mechanic (2 Cor. 5:14-21)

•  Know your goal - reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:14-21)

•  In meekness, and humility, considering yourself (Gal. 6:1-2)

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Discerning Heart-Themes

Wisdom looks @ the Heart

Biblical World-view

Patience & time (rope)

Questions (bucket)

Discernment (tubs)

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Know Wisdom…Listen!!!!

•  Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance, (Prov. 1:5)

•  Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent. (Pr. 11:12)

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Know Wisdom – Listen!!!!

•  Pr. 17:27 Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and she who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.

•  Pr. 20:5 The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.

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Know Wisdom - Dynamics

•  Setting & Timing (Prov. 27:14)

–  Esther; Abigail

–  Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing. (Pr. 27:14)

•  Not alone –  for protection against slander, “spoken of as evil” - Ro.14:16

–  benefit of wisdom (Pr.11:14)

•  As couples (bring opposing parties into the discussion from the beginning whenever possible)

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Know What to Gather Understanding based on a biblical view of man. •  Spiritual – Like God, we will exist through eternity future •  Emotional - Like God, we experience emotions •  Relational - Like God, we relates to other people in fellowship •  Intellectual - Like God, we are rational; with a mind/heart that

thinks, reasons, considers logically; embrace philosophies & beliefs, develop attitudes & habitual thought-themes

•  Volitional/Responsible - given commands, expected to respond in worship, relationships, work, obedience.

•  Desiring being (vs. instinct-driven); Created with desires that long to be fulfilled; We do what we do because we want what we want”

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Wisdom - How to Gather

•  Asking questions

•  Observation (consciously, constantly looking for halo data)

•  Written assignments

•  Active assignments

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Gathering thru Questions & Observation

•  Directly from counselee

•  From others who are close to situation

•  Facebook, Twitter

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Knowing thru Observation

•  Consciously, constantly looking for “halo data” •  Attitude evidences •  Visual evidences •  Hygiene, weight (e.g. anorexia), smells (smoke, alcohol,

excessive perfume) •  Actions (or lack of actions), countenance, worn Bible,

home address •  Vehicle, clothing, posture, •  Language, tone, vocabulary •  Lifestyle

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Gathering thru Assignments

•  Personal Profile

•  Written Assignments; Devotion logs, Journals, to-do lists, surveys

•  Summaries of sessions, books, DVD’S, CD’s

•  Active assignments – specific things to do

•  Put-off & put-on

•  Acts of service - Demonstrations of love

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Questions Understanding the Person

•  What did you get that you didn’t want?

•  What did you loose that you ‘needed’?

•  What did you want so badly that you were willing to sin to get?

•  What did you want so badly that you were willing to sin when you lost it?

•  Questions expose motivation, idols, foundational values, traumas, pain, ideologies, etc

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Questions Understanding the Problem

•  Extensive questions (fishing net)

•  Intensive questions (fish hook)

•  “my husband and I had a fight last night”

•  What does “_____” mean?

•  Tell me about that.

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Questions Understanding the Patterns

•  How long has that been the case?

•  When did this begin?

•  What typically happens when ____________?

•  Look for learning styles; audio, visual, hands-on experience

•  Look for hot-buttons; language that paints a vivid picture in their vernacular

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Questions Teach

•  How did your circumstance prevent you from pleasing God?

•  How did his/her sin prevent you from pleasing God?

•  Do you need to have your circumstances changed in order to please God?

•  What is God more concerned about in this conversation, your responses or his/her sins?

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S.M.A.R.T. Questions Teach

•  S. tell me about the SITUATION?

•  M. What was going on in your MIND?

•  A. What were your ACTIONS?

•  R. What were the RESULTS of your actions?

•  T. Did you get the TROPHY you were after?

Did GOD get what GOD wanted?

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Questions Motivate Responses

•  Minimize defensiveness

•  Why not “Why”

•  Engage the mind/heart

•  questions appeal to the conscience – point to Christ

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Know How to Interpret The “Trouble-pie”

School-experiences

Illness

Moved around a lot; instability

Betrayal from...

Divorced Parents

Death of family-member

Going D!eper

•  Developing Healthy Relationships, article by Wayne Mack

•  S.M.A.R.T. JOURNAL •  Article: X-RAY Questions, The Journal

of Biblical Counseling • Volume 18 • Number 1 • Fall 1999

•  Book: Seeing with New Eyes, David Powlison

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Bib"ical Soul Care in S#al" Groups

July 31, 2013

Kent Kloter 27