BigSCENE 1

JOSHYou are standing in the cavern of the evil wizard. All around you are the carcasses of slain ice dwarfs...Melt the wizard. What do you want to melt him with? What do you think I want to melt him with...(Josh, don't forget to take out the garbage) Just a second! Throw the...(Josh, did you hear what your mother said?) One minute! (Josh Baskin!) Your hesitancy has cost you dearly. The wizard, sensing your apprehension, unleashes a fatal blow from the ice scepter. With luck, you will thaw in several million years. Great.

MOMC'mon Josh, it's starting to get awfully late!

JOSHOkay. Okay. Okay.

SCENE 2

JOSHTake the garbage out. Every day, take the garbage out...Rick Rodin is on the mound for the Yankees! He looks into the catcher's mitt, shakes off the first signal, takes the turn, wipes the sweat off his brow, leans back and fires...

BILLYYeah! Good-bye Mr. Spaulding! ...Here, here! Quick!

SCENE 3

JOSHGot it. Need it. Need it. Got it.

BILLYHey. Hey. Hey! You ever go by Simpson's desk when she's grading papers or somethin'? When she's leaned over, you can see right down her shirt.

JOSHNo!

BILLYSwear to God.

JOSHBra?

BILLYNo. No. She's got one of those undershirt things. So if you get real close to the board, you can see all the way down to her flowers.

JOSHWoah!

BILLYYeah. Give me your gum.

JOSH

Need it. Got it. Got it. Need it...

BILLYHey. Hey. Hey! Oh my God, it's Cynthia! How did a geek like Freddy Benson get a sister like that?

JOSHBeats me.

CYNTHIAHi Josh.

BILLYHi!...He says hi!...Unbelievable! God! She likes you! I know she likes you! I'll find out, okay!

SCENE 4

BILLY &JOSHShimmy, shimmy cocoa pop! Shimmy, shimmy rock! Shimmy, shimmy cocoa pop! Shimmy, shimmy rock! I met a girlfriend a triscuit! She said, a triscuit a biscuit! Ice cream, soda pop, vanilla on the top! Ooh, Shelly's out, walking down the street, ten times a week! I read it! I said it! I stole my momma's credit! I'm cool! I'm hot! Sock me in the stomach three more times!

JOSHDon't forget to call me after supper.

BILLYOkay.

JOSHRemember about Cynthia!

BILLYDon't worry! I'm as interested as you are.

SCENE 5

JOSHSo, will you tell me?

BILLYYou're in!

JOSHWhat do you mean, I'm in?

BILLYCynthia Benson!

JOSHWhat about her?

BILLYYou ready for this? She doesn't like Barry anymore!

JOSHSo?

BILLYSo what do you mean so?! That's it! She's available!

MOMJosh...?

JOSHIt doesn't mean...

MOMHey, it's after midnight. Now say goodnight to Billy.

JOSHGoodnight Billy. I've gotta go.

BILLYGoodnight Mrs. Baskin! Sweet dreams.

SCENE 6

DADAre you sure you want to go on this thing, Son?

JOSHYeah!

MOMNah! Nah! I don't know about this one, Bob. No, this looks too scary.

DADIt's okay.

JOSHOh my gosh!

MOMSee, I told you he doesn't want to go on it.DADSon, you know, you don't have to go on this thing if you don't feel like it.

JOSHNo! No! It's just that I...I want to go on it myself.

MOMYou do?

JOSHYeah. I think it's something...yeah, I think it's something I should do.

DADGreat! Why don't we meet you at the ferris wheel.

JOSHHalf hour.

SCENE 7

CYNTHIAJosh?

JOSHOh, hi!

CYNTHIAHi! Have you been on this before?

JOSHThis?

CYNTHIAYeah.

JOSHYes.

CYNTHIAIs it scary?

JOSHYes.

CYNTHIAAre you here alone?

JOSHYes.

CYNTHIALook. Aren't those your parents?

JOSHWhere?

MOMHoney!

CYNTHIARight over there.

MOMSmile!

JOSHWhy, yes.

DARINHey, who's this?

CYNTHIAThis is Josh Baskin.

DARINHow ya doin'?

CYNTHIAThis is Darin. He drives.

MANNext!

DARINGo ahead.

MANYo next!

DARINGo ahead!

MANYo next! Woah! Read this sign. You must be at least this big to ride this ride!

CYNTHIAWhat?

MANHey, I don't make the rules here. Next! Next!

CYNTHIAWell, it's a stupid rule.

MANLook, why don't you try the kiddy ride?

SCENE 8

JOSHDrop twenty-five cents here. C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! ...Neat! ...Make my wish....I wish I were big....Your wish is granted.

SCENE 9

MOMJosh! Josh! Josh!

JOSHWhat?

MOMIt's seven-thirty. Are you up? ...Come on Sleepy Head! You're going to miss the bus and I can't drive you today! ...What does he do in his sleep? ...Honey? I put out some clean clothes. Bring down your dungarees and stuff for the laundry, okay?

JOSHOkay.

MOMAre you getting a cold, Josh?

JOSHNo! Fine!

MOMHe's got a cold. Then Rachel's gonna get a cold and I'm gonna get a cold...

JOSHOh my God.

MOMBreakfast is ready, Josh!

JOSHBe right there!

MOMJosh! Hurry up! Your eggs are getting cold! ...Bring down Rachel with you, all right?

JOSHOkay!

MOMYou want orange juice or...What about your breakfast?!

SCENE 10

MOMOh, you...don't! Don't!

JOSHI'm sorry! ...Mom, it's me. It's Josh. Mom, I'm a grown up!

MOMStop it! Oh God!JOSHI made a wish last night...I turned into a grown up, Mom! I made this wish on a machine...

MOMGo away! Go away! Please!

JOSH...and it turned me into a grown up! It was last night at the carnival! My birthday is November 3rd...I got a B on my history test!

MOMHere's my purse! You can have anything that's in it! Go away!

JOSHMy, my, my baseball team is called the Dukes! Uh, I made this for you! Who are you calling? Ah! I have a birthmark behind my left knee!

MOMYou bastard! What did you do to my son?

JOSHI am your son, Mom!

MOMWhere is my child?! Where is my son?! Police!

SCENE 11

COACHHeads up! Heads up out there!

BILLYI'm open! Here! I'm open!

COACHI want you to gather up these balls, go to the locker room and get on to your next class! Wash shirts and shorts! Billy. Do us both a favor. Put the balls in the equipment closet and you practice your lay up.

SCENE 12

JOSHBilly.

BILLYYeah? What?

JOSHIt's me. It's Josh!

BILLYCoach Burns! Coach Burns! Coach Burns!

JOSHWait a minute! Shut up! Shut up! I'm your best friend, you've gotta believe me! I'll prove it to you! Billy, please!

BILLYHelp! Help!

JOSHGod damn it Billy Kopecky! Look, I know that I don't look like myself, okay! But something really strange happened and I'm really scared and I need your help! You're my best friend! I can prove it to you! ...Ooh! The spades go, Down! Down! Baby! Down! Down the roller coaster! Sweet, sweet baby! Sweet, sweet delectable! Shimmy, shimmy cocoa pop! Shimmy, shimmy rock! Shimmy, shimmy cocoa pop! Shimmy, shimmy rock! I met a girlfriend a triscuit! She said a triscuit a biscuit! Ice cream, soda pop, vanilla on the top! Ooh Shelly, walking down the street, ten times a week! I met it! I said it! I stole my mother's credit! I'm cool! I'm hot! Sock me in the stomach three more times!

BILLYJosh? You look terrible.

JOSHI know.SCENE 13

POLICEThat's right. We're at the scene right now. Well, she's pretty upset and she's not making any sense at all. There's no ransom note, no prints, there's no nothin.' Tell you what, file a report and to be on the safe side...

KID#1I bet he ran away. Wish I could.

KID#2Want me to pack your bags?

SCENE 14

BILLYWe go to the city, we lay low for a couple of days, find that Zoltar Machine, make your wish...you'll be home by Thursday!

JOSHWell, I'm not supposed to go to New York without my folks!

BILLYC'mon! You'll be fine! ...Here.

JOSHWhere did you get this?!

BILLYFrom my Dad's top drawer!

JOSHYou stole it?!

BILLYIt's his emergency fund!

JOSHJesus Billy!

BILLYWell what do you call this?!

SCENE 15

WOMANYou lookin' for some fun tonight sweet thing?

JOSHNo, thank you.

MANHey man, can you spare some change?

JOSHNo, not really.

BILLYHey, this looks okay.

JOSHNo it doesn't.

BILLYSaint James, Josh, it's religious.

SCENE 16

BILLYHi.

JOSHHi.

MANBurp!

JOSHUh, we would like a hotel room, please.

MAN$17.50 a night for the room, $10.00 deposit for the sheets....You go straight to the top of the stairs. It's the last door on the right. Next to the bathroom. Wait a second, I'll show you.

SCENE 17

BILLYIt smells bad.

JOSHShh!

MANHave a pleasant stay....Hey Angel! Get out of that bathroom now!

JOSHI don't want to stay here by myself.

BILLYI can't help it Josh. I've gotta be home by ten. Look, I'll cut classes tomorrow and we'll find that Zoltar thing before you know it, okay? It's just one night. All right?

JOSHAll right.

BILLYGood.

JOSHWhat if I can't sleep?

BILLYIt's probably better if you don't. See you in the morning.

JOSHWell, you mean like what time?

BILLY8:30. I'd use the chain if I were you.

JOSHMom...Mom....

SCENE 18

JOSHI told you, it's not a video game.

BILLYWell, what is it?

JOSHWell, it's not a video game.

BILLYThis one's got a number on it. Does yours?

JOSHNo. Oh wait, here's one.

MANHey, what are doing? What are doing?

JOSHDo you have Zoltar?

MANNo. I told you, I looked back in the back. I've got Powerhouse, I've got ...

JOSHWe really need Zoltar.

MANWell, I haven't got it.

SCENE 19

BILLYThis is it.

JOSHThey aren't going to have it.

BILLYThey'll have it.

MANCan I help you?

JOSHYes. We would like a list of all carnivals and fairs.

BILLYAnd arcades.

JOSHYeah.

MANCarnivals and fairs...Try Consumer Affairs, down the hall, room 111.

JOSHThank you.

SCENE 20

WOMANFill this out in triplicate. $5.00 filing charge.

BILLYSee.

WOMANOne month to process. You get in six weeks.

JOSHSix weeks?

WOMANSometimes longer, but, you could get lucky....Next please!

SCENE 21

JOSHI'm gonna be thirty years old for the rest of my life.

BILLYWould you come on. We'll figure something out. By the way, you may be older than that!

JOSHSo now what?

BILLYI'll come and see you everyday after school.

JOSHHow?

BILLYI'll tell them I made the basketball team.

JOSHI won't have anything to do.

BILLYYou can get a job.

JOSHI can't get a job.

BILLYWhy? It can't be any different than school. What are you good at?

JOSHI don't know. Making spit balls?

SCENE 22

BILLYHow about a delivery man?

JOSH

I don't know how drive.BILLYOh yeah, right...Cardiological technician, civil engineer...

JOSHYou gonna eat your cherry?

BILLYGo ahead....Clerical transcriber...

JOSHBilly?

BILLYYeah....Gross. God, that's gross!

JOSHHey, go on to the next column.

BILLYCollection agent, company clerk, computer operator, construction engineer...

JOSHComputer operator? Computer operator, read that one.

BILLYJosh, would you quit with your stupid computers!

JOSHJust read it!

BILLYMacmillan Toys...toys!

JOSHToys!

SCENE 23

WOMANMacmillan Toys, may I help you?

BILLYOkay, what's next? There.

JOSHPrevious employment.

BILLYYour paper route.

JOSHI can't put that.

BILLYPaper route circulation?

JOSHYeah!

BILLYWhat's he got? Hey, don't worry about it.

JOSHSocial Security number?

BILLY32-17-25.

JOSHWhat is that?

BILLYMy locker combination.

JOSHGreat!

WOMANMr. Baskin. Mr. Baskin?

JOSHYes. Yes.

WOMANThe Personnel Director will see you now....Uh, you son can wait out here.

JOSHYeah, okay. Son, you should sit down and don't give the lady any trouble now.

BILLYSure Dad! ...Don't forget--look him in the eye!

SCENE 24

MANCouple of numbers missing on your Social Security.

JOSHOh, uh twelve.

MANOne two. Says here you've got four years experience.

JOSHYes.

MANAll on computers?

JOSHYes.

MANWhere did you go to school?

JOSH

It was called George Washington.

MANOh, G.W. My brother-in-law got his doctorate there. Did you pledge?

JOSHYes. Every morning.

SUSANIt happened again! David, the girl is absolutely useless! You've got to get me someone who knows what she is doing! Excuse me. I'm not getting any of my mail, nothing has been filed! Ever since she got engaged, my life has been a disaster!

MANYou know, she came so highly recommended.

SUSANShe spent the last three months writing down her married name. Mrs. Judy Hicks. Mrs. Donald Hicks. Mrs. Judy Mitchleson Hicks. Sometimes with a hyphen, sometimes without a hyphen. Sometimes she spells the hyphen!

MANWell, I really don't know where I can put her.

SUSANPut her on unemployment!

MANWhen can you start?

JOSHSoon.

SCENE 25

MANI thought we'd start you out with preschoolers. Should take you a few days. Give you a chance to find your way around. Do you smoke?

JOSHWell, uh, just once, but...

MANOnly on breaks in the coffee room....Most of that is pretty straight forward stuff. If you have any questions, come to me. Good luck.

JOSHBye!

SCENE 26

SCOTTPsst! Psst! Hey! Hey! I'm Scott Brennan.

JOSHUh, I'm Josh Baskin.

SCOTT

Listen, what are you trying to do? Get us all fired?

JOSHHuh?

SCOTTYou've gotta slow down. Pace yourself. Slowly! Slowly!

JOSHSorry. Today's my first day.

SCOTTI know!

JOSHSo how long have you worked here?

SCOTTFive years. Work stinks but the fringe benefits are great! See that girl over there in the red? Say hi to her and she'll be yours. She'll wrap her legs around you so tight you'll be begging for mercy!

JOSHWell, I'll stay away from her then!

SCOTTExcuse me. Yeah Brennan. I gave it to you yesterday! Oh, here it is. I don't have time to xerox it. Let the new guy do it.

SCENE 27

MR. MThat's total bullshit Paul!

PAULLook sir, the favorability rate is...

MR. MCome on! Let's not lie to ourselves! If a kid likes a toy it sells. That's all!

SUSANBut every bit of research and focus testing...

MR. MIt works with research, it works with focus testing, it just doesn't work with the kids!

JOSHSorry! I'm sorry!

PAULWhy don't you watch where the hell you're going!

SUSANAre you okay!

MR. MI'm fine.

PAULYou could kill somebody running around here like that!

MR. MIt's all right Paul. The boss should get knocked on his ass once in a while. It's good for him.

PAULI don't know sir, maybe you should see a doctor.

MR. MFor crying out loud Paul, I'm fine! I'm fine!

PAULSorry sir! Sorry!MR. MWhere were you going anyway, son?

JOSHUh, I was going to the xerox room because they needed these by 5:00.

MR. MOh, that's good! Nothing wrong with a little hustle. Nothing at all! Right Paul?

PAULWhat does he mean? I hustle! Uh sir! Sir!

SCENE 28

MOMHello? ...Hello?

JOSHHello. Mrs. Baskin?

MOMYes.

JOSHHow are you?

MOMWho is this?

JOSHI just wanted you to know that Josh is all right. He's okay.

MOMYou have my boy?

JOSHYeah. And you're gonna get him back, just the way he was.

MOMLook, I swear to God--If you do anything to him, if you touch one hair on his head, I will spend the rest of my life making sure you suffer!

JOSHWow! Thanks!

MOMLet me talk to Josh!

JOSHOh, he can't come to the phone right now.

MOMWhy not? Why not? What did you do to him?!

JOSHI didn't do anything to him! I think he's a terrific kid!

MOMI want proof that he's all right!

JOSHUh, well, all right. Ask me something that only he would know. Then I'll ask him for you and that way you'll know that he's okay.

MOMAsk him what I used to sing to him when he was a little boy.

JOSHIsn't there something else that you would rather ask him?

MOMAsk him!

JOSHOh, I got it! I got it! Memories, like the corner of my mind. Misty water color memories, of the way we were. Scattered pictures...Look, you're gonna see him again really soon. I promise. I cross my heart. We'll talk about this later.

SCENE 29

MANHarris! Brennan! Baskin!JOSHWhat is this?

SCOTTPay day.

JOSH$187.00?! Ha! Ha!

SCOTTYeah. They really screw you, don't they?

SCENE 30

JOSHHi.

WOMANHi. Okay, so how would you like that?

JOSH

Three dimes, a hundred dollar bill, and eighty seven ones.

WOMANOne, two, three...

SCENE 31

JOSHI'm never eating again.

BILLYIt wasn't that bad.

JOSHIt was the boat ride that did it.

BILLYNo, it was the pork rinds.

JOSHPork rinds! Aghh! We sure had fun, didn't we?

BILLYYeah, we sure did.

SCENE 32

BOYGot you!

JOSHWhat's your name?

BOYJordan, what's yours?

JOSHMine's Josh.

BOYI'm gonna blow you away Josh!

JOSHBut I just got you!

BOYNo way! Get back here!

SCENE 33

MR. MYou work for me, don't you?

JOSHYes.

MR. MI thought so. What, are you here with your kids?

JOSH

No. I was just looking around.

MR. MOh. Me too. I come here every Saturday. Can't see this on a marketing report.

JOSHWhat's a marketing report?

MR. MExactly. Come on. What do you think of that?

JOSHThe Championship Hockey? Oh, I love it. Only the...

MR. MOnly what?

JOSHWell, the pieces don't move.

MR. MWhat do you mean?

JOSHWell, on the old set you could slide the men up and down the ice, and now all they do is spin around. It was more like real hockey the old way. Why did they change it?

MR. MI don't know.

JOSHYou see, the Star Fighters are good because you can change all the pieces. But I never liked the Galactakons. You only get one robot, and they don't come with a vehicle.

MR. MI see.

JOSHPlus you can't take them underwater. And if you do they...Neat!

MR. MOkay, let's check out the...Piano lessons?

JOSHThree years.

MR. MMe too. Everyday, after school....Chopsticks....What department did you say you were in?

JOSHOh, I'm in computers.

MR. MComputers? You just saved me a trip to the gym Son.

SCENE 34

SUSANVice President in charge of Product Development.

PAULVice President! He's only been here a week! Vice President?!

SUSANAnd he came from data processing!

PAULHe's out of his mind! The old man has finally lost it!

SUSANDid you know they gave him Bob's old office?

PAULBob's office?! Bob's office is bigger than my office! There's got to be a reason. Things like this don't happen unless there's a reason.

SCENE 35

BILLYThat means if the president dies you get to take over?

JOSHNo. No. They got a hundred of them. Are we ready?

WOMANYes Mr. Baskin.

JOSHCome on in.

BILLYLook at this place! It's bigger than the principal's office!

JOSHHow would you know?

BILLYRemember that explosion in science?

JOSHOh yes!

BILLYTruck-a-Killer! $59.95?

JOSHYou know that only costs 10 bucks to make.

BILLYGet out of here! ...What is this?

JOSHOh, well, this is just...They just put this in here...it doesn't mean anything.

BILLY

So what do they make you do for all this?

JOSHWell, I play with all of this stuff and then, I go in there and tell them what I think.

BILLYThat's it?

JOSHYeah.

BILLYAnd they pay you for that?

JOSHYeah.

BILLYSuckers!

JOSHOh, thank you Miss Patterson. Hey! Miss Patterson. Could you call down to Media and have them send up a video tape of the Giants Broncos Super Bowl? And have them edit out all the commercials and talkin' and stuff?

WOMANYes Mr. Baskin.

JOSHMiss Patterson.

BILLYYou're the luckiest guy I know.

SCENE 36

PAULDid you check Mattel?

SUSANNothing.

PAULColleco?

SUSANZero.

PAULHe can't come from nowhere Susan. He has to come from somewhere. How about Hasbro?

SUSANYes. And Fisher Price and Worlds of Wonder. I have called everywhere. Nobody's ever heard of him!

PAULGreat!

SUSANFace it Paul. The guy comes from data processing.

PAULTerrific. That is just terrific! This is just terrific!

SUSANYou're being paranoid Paul.

SCENE 37

PAULThese tests were conducted over a six month period using a double-blind format of eight over-lapping demographic groups. Every region of the country was sampled, the focus testing showed a solid base in the 9 to 11-year old bracket--with a possible carry-over into the 12-year olds. When you consider that Nobots and Transformers pull over 37 percent market share, and that we are targeting the same area, I think that we should see one quarter of that and that is one fifth of the total revenue from all of last year. Any questions? Yes? Yes?

JOSHI don't get it.

PAULWhat exactly don't you get?

JOSHIt turns from a building into a robot, right?

PAULPrecisely.

JOSHWell, what's fun about that?

PAULWell, if you had read your industry breakdown, you would see that our success in the action figure area has climbed from 27 percent to 45 percent in the last two years. There, that might help.

JOSHOh.

PAULYes?

JOSHI still don't get it.

PAULWhat?!

MR. MWhat don't you get Josh?

JOSHWell, there's a million robots that turn into something. And this is a building that turns into a robot. So what's so fun about playing with

a building? That's not any fun!

PAULThis is a skyscraper.

JOSHWell, couldn't it be like a robot that turns into something like a bug or something?

PAULA bug?JOSHYeah! Like a big prehistoric insect with maybe like giant claws that could pick up a car and crush it like that!

MANA prehistoric transformer?

MR. MInteresting.

PAULGentlemen!

MANSo the robot turns into a bug.

PAULAh, gentlemen, listen...

MANListen to him. He's got a very good idea here. The robot turns into a bug.

MANThis is a great idea!

JOSHDifferent sizes and things. And...you could have them wreck something...

MANA lady bug. Transformers for girls!

MR. MThis is a bug that moves....It's got all kinds of possibilities.

PAULThis doesn't just happen. This doesn't happen. You don't just come to a meeting and say "bugs."

SUSANI, uh....

MR. MWell done, Josh. Well done.

SCENE 38

PAUL

Ho! Ho! Ho! He is vicious!

SUSANHe's not vicious.

PAULOh, come on Susan, don't kid yourself. That man is a killer!

SUSANAll he said was "I don't get it."

PAULI don't get it! I don't get! I don't get! He's going for the throat, trying to eviscerate me! Did you see the look on Macmillan's face?!

SUSANMmm Hmm.

SCENE 39

REALTORIt's quite a unique space. The lines are so clean and you don't get any of that partition quality. It has 50-foot ceilings, all hardwood floors, ample closet space, a modern kitchen, a brand new bathroom with a jet stream jacuzzi.

BILLYWe'll take it.

SCENE 40

MANBaskin. Rental delivery!

JOSHDear Mom and Dad. They said that I could write you and let you know I was okay. So far, they're treating me fine. I've got enough to eat and I'm perfectly safe. They say that I'll get out of here in about a month. In the mean time, it's a lot like camp! I watch TV and even get outside once in a while. I know you miss me. But try not to worry. I think this experience might even be good for me. I love you very much and I know that I'll see you soon. Your son, Joshua. P.S. Give Rachel a kiss from her big brother.

SCENE 41

WOMANIt's very beautiful and I'm having a lovely time.

MR. MI'm glad Miss Patterson.

WOMANIt's much better than last year. I just wanted to tell you that.

MR. MI'll have another scotch....Susan.

SUSANLove your tux.

MR. MI think it's the same as the maitre's.

SUSANHave you decided what you're doing on the Danberry line?

MR. MNo, I haven't.

SUSANWell, uh, I think if you got everyone's input up front, I mean right from the beginning....

MR. MSusan, have a drink.

SUSANWhat?

MR. MHave a couple drinks. It's a party.

SCENE 42

MR. MJosh! Glad you could make it.

MANBet he gets another raise.

MR. MNow that's what I call a tuxedo.

JOSHI rented it. This is a real bow tie though. I tied it myself. And that's why I was late.

MR. MNo, you're not late at all. Come on, let me show you around.

JOSHHey, there's Miss Patterson! Hi! There's the guy from the meeting! Hi!

SCENE 43

PAULThe guy's a damn knock-off artist.

MANWhat do you mean?

PAULThe Amphibian? He takes 10,000 G. I. Joes, slaps some gills on them, webs their feet, and packages them in seaweed....So I show him the schedule and he says, "It's not correct accounting procedure!" Give me a goddamn break!

MAN

But the toy sold Paul.

SUSANExcuse me.

SCENE 44

SUSANHi.

JOSHHi.

SUSANAll the same people having all the same discussion. It's like they cloned some party in 1983 and kept spinning it out again and again and again. I loved your ideas on the Squeezy Doll line.

JOSHThanks.

SUSANThey were so, incisive. It's Beluga. Macmillan orders it every year....You all right? You okay? You want a glass of water? You want something to drink?

JOSHCould I have a milkshake or something?

SUSANI've got a car outside. You want to get out of here?

JOSHUh Huh.

SUSANLet's go.

SCENE 45

SUSANI'm not really a big one for parties. You know, I like things that are a little more intimate.

JOSHWow! Is this your car?

SUSANWell, it's the company's car.

JOSHOh, this is the coolest thing I've ever seen!

SUSANI mean, just seeing someone in the office, you don't really get a chance to know them. I mean, just being with you here tonight, I really get a sense of who you are.

JOSHAre you gonna eat these fries?

SUSANNo. No....

JOSHHey mister? You want some of these fries? We're not going to eat them.

DRIVERNo, thank you.

SUSANYou see, it's hard in a business situation...I mean there's this invisible line and even you're attracted to someone...What, are you going to call someone before...?

JOSHNo.

SUSANUh, I mean at this point in my life I...Don't...Don't play with the radio...Leave the uh...Don't...I'm really vulnerable right now! You know...I mean, I love my job and I....

JOSHEjector seat! This is great! Hey! Come on up! Hey, that was my apartment.

SUSANReally? I'd love to see where you live.

SCENE 46

SUSANSo have you always lived alone?

JOSHNo, not always.

SUSANAh. Is it just recently or...?

JOSHYeah.

SUSANGive yourself a couple of days, it'll pass.

JOSHWell, they said it was gonna take six weeks.

SUSANWell, it can be painful but, that's what they invented Xanax for, right?

JOSHWatch your step.

SUSANI'm not sure we should do this yet.

JOSHDo what?

SUSANWell, I mean I like you and I want to spend the night with you....

JOSHDo you mean sleep over?

SUSANWell,...yeah!

JOSHOkay! But I get to be on top!

SCENE 47

SUSANYou live here?

JOSHYeah. It's nice, isn't it?

SUSANYeah.

JOSHYou uh, want a soda?

SUSANHuh?

JOSHSoda? You want one?

SUSANYeah, sure.

JOSHThey rigged this up so you don't need any quarters....Don't! Don't...!

SUSANWhat?

JOSHThe glue's not dry. Sorry.

SUSANSorry.

JOSHIt's okay....You wanna play pinball?

SUSANNo.

JOSHYou don't need quarters for this either. It's free.

SUSANNo, thank you.

JOSHOkay.

SUSANIs that a trampoline?

JOSHYeah. You wanna try it?

SUSANNo.

JOSHYou should. It's really fun. It's simple, too. Come on! Come on! You'll like it and it's really easy to do.

SUSANNo, I don't think...

JOSHI'm serious...

SUSANDo have some wine?

JOSHTake off your shoes...It's really easy....Let me get rid of these balls.

SUSANNo, I'm...I'm...I'll watch.

JOSHCome on. It's fun. I'll do it with you. Up you go. Excellent.

SUSANHelp me up?

JOSHSure.

SUSANOkay.

JOSHOkay. Jump.

SUSANYou want me to jump?

JOSHYes.

SUSANThere. Now can we have a drink?

JOSH

No! No! No! I mean really jump. Now get some air between you and the trampoline.

SUSANThere.

JOSHOh, come on! I'll do it with you! All right? I'll show you how to do it. You ready? Come on. Jump. See? There it is. That's all there is to it. There you go. There you go. Yeah! It's easy! Anybody could do this!

SCENE 48

JOSHHere. Pick one....It's for you. It's a glow in the dark compass ring...so you won't get lost....Goodnight.

SCENE 49

PAULDid you have fun last night?

SUSANSure. Yeah.

PAULYeah...You left pretty quick.

SUSANI gave him a ride home Paul.

PAULOh, did he enjoy it?

SUSANDon't be ridiculous.

PAULAh, that's me, Mr. Ridiculous. Just a silly old guy.

SUSANI don't feel like going out tonight.

PAULWhat do you mean? They're your friends....Come on! Leave it! Leave it! Would you quit it! Do you have to play with everything?

SCENE 50

PAULBaskin? Baskin!

JOSHWouldn't you rather play basketball? I know how to play that. We could be like a team for the Macmillan Company.

PAULNo.

JOSHI'm not very good at sports, but I'll give it a try. My best sport is video hockey.

PAULThat isn't a sport.

JOSHWell, it takes eye to hand coordination.

PAULIt's not a sport if you don't sweat!

JOSHWhat about golf? You don't sweat and that's a sport.

PAULYeah, and you're not sittin' there letting some machine do all the work!

JOSHWhat about car racing?

PAULAw shut up Baskin!

JOSHWhat are the rules again?

PAULI told you. Over the line to serve. Yellow is out of bounds. Play to 21--ready?

JOSHSorry. Sorry.

PAULOne nothing. Come on! Get it! Get it! Get it!

JOSHOkay.

PAULThatta boy! Okay, you ready? All right....Ho ho! Nice try! That was in! Two zip. Just made it. Two zip. Ready? Okay! Here we go!...19/18.

JOSHUh, that was under the line.

PAULWhat?

JOSHThat was under the line. You said it had to be over the line on a serve.

PAULNo I didn't.

JOSHYeah you did! You said it had to be over the line on a serve!

PAULNo I did not, now give me the goddamn ball!

JOSHWell that's cheating!

PAULGive me the goddamn ball, will ya!

JOSHNo!

PAULGive me the ball you little shit!

JOSHIt's my serve.

PAULGive me the ball! Give me the goddamn ball! I never said that!

JOSHYes you did.

PAULGive me the...Give me the ball! Give me the ball!

JOSHCheater! You cheat!

PAULI did not cheat!

JOSHYou cheat! You cheat!

PAULGive me the ball! Give me the ball! Give me it! Give me the ball!

SCENE 51

JOSHHe didn't have to punch me.

SUSANI know. He's scared of you. You don't play his game.

JOSHI tried to play his game. He beat me up. If he's scared of me then why did he punch me?

SUSANHe punched you because he's scared of you.

JOSHI don't get it.

SUSANIt's just the way he is. Everything is a fight with him. Everyone's an enemy. It's not just a job for him, it's a war.

JOSHWell how come you're so nice?

SUSANWhat?

JOSHWell, you work just as hard as he does and you're not like that.

SUSANYou don't...you don't know me that well.

JOSHYes I do. You're one of the nicest people I've met.

SUSANHow do you do it?

SCENE 52

PAULWhat's this?

SUSANWhat does it look like?! Shampoo, razor, toothpaste, two neckties and your exercise tape! Oh, and I want my keys back!

PAULSure. It's just some scratches. He'll get over it.

SUSANOh, it has nothing to do with him.

PAULOh come on Susan! He's just another link in the chain! First it was Tom Caulfield, then Handlen. Then Golding, then me! Am I missing somebody?

SUSANIt's not like that anymore!

PAULWhat is so special about Baskin?

SUSANHe's a grown up!

PAULSusan.

SUSANI can't believe you brought up Golding.

SCENE 53

BILLY

And many more! What are you going to wish for this time?

SCENE 54

BILLYI know what we can do! We can go out and get some beers, some dirty magazines and go back...

JOSHUh, I can't Billy.

BILLYWhat you mean you can't? Of course you can! It's your birthday!

JOSHNo, I can't...I have to go somewhere.

BILLYWhere?

JOSHUm...well, I have to go meet somebody and...

BILLYSo, you got all night!

JOSHYeah I know, but it's just...well I can't right now okay, but I'll call you, all right? Okay? I'll give you a call. Thanks again Billy, it was fun!

SCENE 55

SUSANHi....Do you want to come in?

JOSHSure.

SUSANSit down....Want to go?

JOSHYeah! Yeah!

SCENE 56

JOSHWant to go again?!

SCENE 57

JOSHSo they have these cars that you can actually drive them except they're on this rail so you can't get off the road...You have a really big gob of mustard right, right...

SUSANWhat?

JOSHMustard right....

SUSANWhere?

JOSHRight there.

SUSANIs it gone?

JOSHWell,....

SUSANIs that...gone?

JOSHYeah.

SUSANListen.

JOSHWhat? Music?

SUSANWanna dance?

JOSHDance?

SUSANWell we don't have to if you don't want to.

JOSHOkay. Okay.

SUSANAll right.JOSHOkay....Are you cold?

SUSANMm Mm.

JOSHWe could get some hot chocolate....You can wear my jacket if you want.

SCENE 58

SUSANOh, I haven't done this in a long time....What were you like when you were younger?

JOSHOh, I wasn't much different.

SUSAN

I believe that about you....I've been thinking about you a lot....It's crazy....In my car, lying in bed....I've just never gone out with someone like you....With all the other men there was so much to hide....I feel like I can tell you anything.

JOSHSusan? There's something I think I should tell you.

SUSANWhat?

SCENE 59

SUSANYou want the light on?

SCENE 60

JOSHHey Frank, how are you? Good morning everybody!

WOMANGood morning Sir.

JOSHI'd like some coffee please Miss Patterson.

WOMANBut you don't drink coffee.

JOSHAnd uh, make it black.

SCENE 61

WOMANYou know, you two should come to Vermont. It is so pretty up there.

MANDid anyone happen to see that great documentary about Columbus on PBS the other night?

WOMANUh, no. Was it good?

MANI had no idea he had a fourth ship.

JOSHYeah, the Santa Christina.

MANThat's right.

JOSHHe only had that on his second trip, though.

MANYou saw it, too.

JOSHNo, but I used to study...stuff.

MANReally?

BOYDad, I need some help.

MANAll right, but not now Adam.

BOYYeah, but Dad you said...

MANAdam we have guests.

WOMANHe's had the roughest time with algebra. We've tried tutors, everything.

JOSHAlgebra? I used to study that, too.

SCENE 62

JOSHAll right, let's say Larry Bird is going to score 10 points in the first quarter.

BOYOkay?

JOSHHow many is he going to score in the whole game?

BOYThat's easy, that's 40 points.

JOSHProbably. Okay. And that's algebra.

BOYRight! It is?

JOSHYeah! See. Okay. One quarter is to ten points that he scores in that quarter. Just as four....

WOMANYou're right. He's wonderful!

SUSANI know.

SCENE 63

BILLYDepartment of Consumer Affairs? Yeah Buddy it came!

SCENE 64

MANHe's never done this before.

MANKind of like a sweepstakes.

PAULGet the Art Department on the phone. Get them!

SUSANSend out for some sandwiches.

MR. MMaybe next year, all right? Next year.

SCENE 65

SUSANYou can do it. I know you can!

JOSHI cannot plan a whole line!

SUSANWhy? Nobody knows more about toys in the entire company!JOSHSusan, doing that means marketing and strategy and stuff like that!

SUSANAll he wants is a proposal!

JOSHI can't!

SUSANLook, you come up with the ideas and I'll handle the marketing.

JOSHBut it's....

SUSANCome on. It'll be neat.

JOSHAll right...I don't know...I don't have any new ideas for toys or anything.

SUSANYou've got great ideas!

SCENE 66

BILLYYeah, well tell him I called again. Kopecky! K-O-P...Yeah right...well tell him it's important!

SCENE 67

JOSHYou see it won't be like these where you just follow the story along. You would actually make a whole different story appear just by pressing these buttons.

SUSANAn electronic comic book? That's amazing!

JOSHYeah. An electric comic book. It's gonna be different every time.

SUSANThis is incredible. You're brilliant--you know that?

JOSHIf you like one you could see it, you know, over and over and over again.

SUSANYou're wonderful.

JOSHYou really like it?...You think Mac will like it? You know, what we could do...We could do like sports comics...or like if you're going to steal second or something like that...You'd have sports books...baseball, football...really, it work with almost any sport there is. Hockey!

SUSANWhat...What is it we're doing? ...What's going on here?

JOSHYou know, we're....Is something wrong? You don't like it?

SUSANNo! No! It's...I mean if it's an affair, that's one thing. But if it's something else...I mean, not that we have to know right now, we don't...but if we think that it could turn into something else...well....How do you feel about all of this?

JOSHHow do I feel about what?

SUSANHow do you feel about me?

JOSHWhat is that supposed to mean?

SCENE 68

JOSHWell, Wednesday would be better than Thursday...

WOMANMr. Baskin can't be disturbed!

JOSHYeah, I have the Keating example right here...

BILLYWhere've you been? I've been trying to reach you forever!

JOSHShh! I'm right in the middle of something okay?

BILLYThat's the list. All you've got to do is call!

JOSHCan you give me just a minute, please?

BILLYWhat are you talking about? This is the list!

JOSHWould you come back at lunch? All right, I'm a little bit busy right now...Hello?

BILLYBusy?!

JOSHBilly!

BILLYAre you out of your mind?!

JOSHJesus, Billy! Miss Patterson, could you get them on the phone again....

BILLYThis is the list we've been waiting for!

JOSHI've got work to do! Can't you understand that? I've got a deadline to meet. God!

BILLYWho the fuck do you think you are?!

JOSHHey!

BILLYHey, you're Josh Baskin! Remember? You broke your arm on my roof! You hid in my basement when Robert Diceman was about to rip your head off!

JOSHYou don't get it, do you? This is important!

BILLYI'm your best friend. What's more important than that, huh? I'm three months older than you are--asshole!

SCENE 69

JOSHYou are standing in the cavern of the evil wizard. All around you are the carcasses of slain ice dwarfs....Melt wizard....What do you want to melt him with? ...Throw thermal pod.

SUSANJosh, what's wrong? What is it?

JOSHI haven't told you something because if I did, I didn't think you'd believe me. And even if you did believe me, I didn't think you were going to like me anymore, so....

SUSANOh, Honey, come here. You can tell me anything. What?

JOSHSusan, I'm not what you think I am.SUSANWhat do you mean?

JOSHBefore I met you I was in little league. I was in little league and I rode my bike to school and I played with my friends and hung out with them and....

SUSANJosh. Josh. What are you talking about?

JOSHI want to go home. I miss my family Susan and I want to go home.

SUSANOh my God! You're married!

JOSHNo! No!

SUSANI knew that this was too good to be true! I knew that there had to be something!

JOSHNo. No. Susan, I'm not married.

SUSANYou're not?

JOSHNo. I'm a child!

SUSANWhat?

JOSHI'm a child Susan, and I'm not ready for all this.

SUSANOh that's fine. That is just great!

JOSHWell, you see what happened....

SUSANNo. I understand. I'm not ready to make a commitment!

JOSHNo! No! No!

SUSANI'm not ready to accept responsibility!

JOSHNo! You don't understand! I mean, I'm thirteen years old!

SUSANOh! And who isn't? You think that there isn't a frightened kid inside of me, too!

JOSHNo! I mean I really am thirteen! I went to bed one night and I was a kid, and when I woke up the next morning I was a grown up.

SUSANOh right! And just yesterday I was a school girl with pigtails! Why are you doing this Josh?

JOSHThere was this carnival in New Jersey. I made a wish on this machine. It was called a Zoltar Machine...

SUSANOh stop it!

JOSHIt was called a Zoltar Machine! It had this bobbing head that looked just like a devil and if you got a quarter in the devil's mouth you could make a wish and I did! So I made a wish to be big! That is what I'm trying to tell you! I changed into a grown up but I'm really just a kid!

SUSANFine Josh! You're a kid! Look, I really don't know what it is that you're trying to tell me. But we have a very big presentation to give tomorrow, so I'm going to get some sleep.

SCENE 70

BILLYJosh? Josh! Oh, hi Mrs. Baskin.

MOMHi. I was just looking around and...Your hair is getting longer.

BILLYI got it cut yesterday.

MOMHe had a birthday.

BILLYYeah, I know. He'll be coming back real soon. Everything is going to be okay.

MOMThanks.

BILLYGoodnight.

SCENE 71

BILLYRight there. Sea Point Park, New York! Well?

JOSHYes?

WOMANThey're waiting for you Mr. Baskin.

JOSHThanks.

BILLYSee you around.

SCENE 72

JOSHThere's this flat screen inside with pictures on it and you read it. And when you get down to the bottom you have to make a choice of what the character's going to do...Like if he going to go in and fight the dragon then you have to push one of the buttons.

PAULExcuse me.

JOSHPaul.

PAULI don't get it.

JOSHWell, it's a comic book that....

SUSANSee, there's a computer chip inside which stores the choices, so when you reach the end of the page, you decide where the story goes. That's the point.

MR. MTerrific Susan.

SUSANA kid makes his own decision.

MR. MThis is really possible?

SUSANYeah. In fact, it's a very simple program. Isn't that right?MANSo what happens when you run out of choices?

SUSANWell, that's the great thing. You can just sell different adventures. Just pop in a new disk and you get a whole new set of options.

MANWe could market this on a comic book rack.

JOSHI'll be right back.

SCENE 73

MR. MHow much would the unit cost?

SUSANWell, our initial figure is around...around $7.00, with a retail cost of around $18.95.

PAULYou expect a kid to pay $19.00 for a comic book?

SUSANI think a kid....Would you excuse me?

SCENE 74

SUSANJosh! Josh!

SCENE 75

JOSHWill you take me to Sea Point Park, New York?

BILLYSea Point Park? Josh!....Josh! Josh!...Yes!

SCENE 76

SUSANExcuse me. You know him? You know Josh?

BILLYYeah.

SUSANLook, you have to tell me where he went.

BILLYWho are you?

SUSANI'm his girlfriend.

BILLYBilly Kopecky.

SUSANLook, you have to tell me where he went. Where did he go? Please, tell me. Tell me!

SCENE 77

JOSHWork! Damn it!....I wish I was a kid.

SUSANJosh!

JOSHSusan!

SUSANYou know, you don't walk out on somebody! You don't just get up and leave and walk out like that! You don't do that!

JOSHI know. I know. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry but I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say.

SUSANOh God. You got your wish.

JOSHI tried to tell you.

SUSANI didn't listen, I guess. I didn't hear you...

JOSHI tried to tell you last night.

SUSAN...or want to...or how would I have...or even if I did listen, why would I know? Why would I know that?!

JOSHI've been thinking about this and there are a million reasons for me to go home but there is only one reason for me to stay.

SUSANWhat? What reason is that?

JOSHWell, you...Oh, come on. Don't cry.

SUSANSo, what are you? 15? 16?

JOSHI'm 13.

SUSAN

Well, that explains it.

JOSHMaybe you could come with me.

SUSANNo. No.

JOSHWhy not?

SUSANI've been there before. It's hard enough the first time. You know what I mean? You don't know what I mean....Come on, I'll drive you home.

JOSHI'm sorry.

SUSANNo, I'll be okay. You'll be fine. In ten years, who knows? Maybe you should hold on to my number.

SCENE 78

SUSANSo this is where you live. Which one is it?

JOSHThe one right there.

SUSANOh. It's nice. I'm gonna miss you.

JOSHI'm gonna miss you, too.

SUSANYou won't even remember me.

JOSHOh yes I will.

SCENE 79

JOSHMom? Hello!MOMJosh? Josh! Josh! Oh my God! Oh, thank God you're home!

JOSHOh Ma, I missed you all so much!

SCENE 80

JOSHI'm just not good enough.

BILLYWhat are you talking about? You've been hitting the ball over the

fence almost every time in stick ball. You just got to get used to a fatter bat.

JOSHYou really think I could do it?

BILLYYeah!

JOSHCome on. We'll hit some after supper.

BILLYOkay. I'll call you.1

34