Blitz Weekly

FEBRUARY 1 – 7, 2012 VOL. 4 – ISSUE 21

VISIT US ONLINE AT WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM

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VOL. 4 – ISSUE 21 FEBRUARY 1 – 7, 2012

FOLLOW BLITZ WEEKLY ON TWITTER AND FACEBOOK

SPORTS NEWSON DECK 3BAD BOYS BAD BOYS 3UFC 143 PREVIEW 4MAVERICKS NEWS 6STARS NEWS 7THE PERFECT TWEET 8

COVER STORY ULTIMATE SUPER BOWL PARTY 9 SUPER BOWL PATROL 10 SUPER BOWL PREVIEW 10-11 SUPER BOWL DRINKING GAMES 11BLITZ BABE OF THE WEEK

ASHLEY 12BLITZ ENTERTAINMENT

Keys to Success 13Seven Things in Seven Days 13Restaurant Review 14Trail of Whiskey 14Hollywood Shuffle 15Hollywood Profile 15Movie Review 15Auto Review 16Gadgets 16Joystick 16

BLITZ FUNNYSJokes/Horrorscopes/Weird News 17

THE CLOSERWeekend Relaxer 18The Perfect Candidate 182-Minute Drill 18

Publisher

Kelly G. Reed

Editor

C. Patterson

Graphic Designer

Damien Mayfi eld

Photo Editor

Darryl Briggs

Cover Photographer

Keith Allison

Cover Design

Damien Mayfi eld

Staff PhotographersGregg Case, Steven Hendrix,

Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, JoeLorenzini, Chuck Majors

Staff WritersHannah Allen, Tony Barone, GeoffCase, Judy Chamberlain, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, David Goodspeed, Frank LaCosta, Mark Miller, Tommy Smith, Jesse Whitman

Contributing PhotographersKeith Allison, Kris Bowers, Dominic Ceraldi, Greg Chow, Adam Cohn, Cliff Cooper, Shane L. Cuthbert, Tom Ducat-White, David Goodspeed, AJ Guel, Jef Harris, Jamie McCarthy, Jason Persse, John Pozadzides, Neil Skylar, Simon Thomas, Dustin Wax, DonkeyHotey, GeeJ, jmaldona, leah1201I

Contributing WritersBrian Beard, Jay Betsill, Sonny Capps, Keysha Hogan, Mateeka Lanee, Aeryn Ripley, Darnell Scribes, Jonathan Sullivan, Joe Stumpo,The Bum

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Copyright 2012 YK Publishing, LLC. No portion of BLITZ Weekly may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the express written permission of the Publisher. BLITZ Weekly is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. BLITZ Weekly may be distributed only by BLITZ Weekly’s authorized independent contractors or BLITZ Weekly’s authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of BLITZ Weekly, take more than one copy of each BLITZ Weekly issue. Articles printed in this publication may express opinions or views not necessarily the opinions of BLITZ Weekly. The BLITZ Weekly is not responsible for the content or claims of advertisements or editorial in this publication. Story reprints are available for $1 plus postage; call the offi ce at 214-529-7370 to place an order or check our archives at www.blitzweekly.com.

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YAY, YOU’RE FAMOUS! SO YOURCELLMATES WILL KNOW YOUR NAME!

Flag On The Play San Francisco 49ers’ linebacker Aldon Smith knows how to party – as a matter of fact he parties so hard the cops had to take notice. Smith was pulled over in Miami for driving under the infl uence last Saturday. Miami Beach police arrested the ’11 seventh overall draft pick and he was held on $1,000 bond. Goodell will not be pleased.

By Keysha Hogan @TheKeysha

Ian Mahinmi @ianmahinmiDa Ring is just too shiny my brothers ur eyes just can’t handle dem diamonds. Put some shades on b4 u check pics G.

SPORTS NEWS

THE SUPER BOWL: A GAMBLER’S PARADISE

On Sunday, an estimated 100 million peo-ple will tune into Super Bowl XLVI. There are many Giants and Patriot fans that will watch because they crave gridiron glory, but many other’s will watch because its one of the biggest betting days in all of sports. In Las Vegas, betting parlors are expecting to take in roughly $90 million in wagers. Millions more will be gam-bled online, at off-shore casinos, in the break rooms at work, and over tables of wings and beer. Rap-per Brian “Birdman” Williams recently tweeted that he was ready to place a $5 million dollar bet for the Patriots because his nephew BenJar-vus Green-Ellis is their starting running back. I know the In-ternet collectively rolled their eyes, but the man once paid $500,000 for white gold-plated, diamond-encrusted teeth. That’s right, he literally put his money where his mouth is. Although you probably aren’t betting a fortune on the game or fancy mouth jew-elry, it’s smart to do your research before breaking the bank. According to Jimmy Vaccaro, the director of sports operations at Lucky’s Race and Sportsbook in Las Vegas, placing multiple bets is the way to go. It will be tempting to use your money to cheer on your favorite team, but if you hedge your bet you’ll lessen the damage if things don’t go your way. Try placing proposi-tion bets on each team’s total yardage or how many sacks a defensive end will have. For example, if you favor the Patriots then place smaller bets on the Giants’ defense or Brady’s passing game.

Many of you will decide to take the ever-popular over-under bet and guess the total number of points scored. Just keep in mind that this game will be played on an artifi cial surface, with no impact from the elements,

so it’s likely to be a high scoring affair. Professional gambler Lem Banker has often said that most people lose when betting on sports. He advises everyone to listen closely to what oth-ers are doing, and then do the opposite. Personally, I’m not much of a gam-bler. When I spend my money I need to get something in return other than anxiety and high blood pressure. But I do love the kitsch that comes with big high stakes games. This year maybe you could take the advice of Princess, the cam-el, from New Jersey. She has correctly predicted fi ve of the last six Super Bowl

winners and went 14-6 during the regular and postseason. In case you’re curious, Princess has put her hump on the line and has foreseen a Giants victory. So this year, if you do decide to brave the gambling waters, why not try sweeten-ing the pot. I’m certain if you upped the ante by throwing in a tank of gas or a Shake Weight you’ll get a few takers. And make sure to spend this week doing plenty of re-search. The data out there is limitless and hyper specifi c to any weird small wagers you decide to take. No matter how you pick the winner or how it all turns out, I sincerely hope lady luck is on your side. Just make sure to strut proudly as you waltz into work on Monday and collected crumpled 20-dol-lar bills from your bitter coworkers.

Photo Courtesy: Greg Chow

A Rose by Any Other Name When you name yourself after one of the most notorious gangsters in American his-tory one should expect some extra attention from our friends with badges from time to time. As was the case for the Cleveland-born rapper Machine Gun Kelly last weekend when he was busted in St. Petersburg, FL for misdemeanor disorderly conduct. If you’re going to name yourself Machine Gun you should have higher aspirations than just misdemeanors. What a waste.



Nick Diaz (27-7-1) vs. Carlos “Natural Born Killer” Condit (27-5-0):Wow. WOw. WOW! This will be a fi ght to remember! It is no secret that Diaz is my favorite fi ghter of all time, but I will try not to be biased here. These two really have similar styles as they are aggressive as hell! Diaz has great hands/boxing, but does not like to move his head much. He just eats punch after punch and keeps his hands in his op-ponents face in the meantime. Condit swings for the fences and has been known to knock a mofo out! He drops his opponents in one punch. Diaz will hit his op-ponent 1,497 times and wear them completely out. Diaz will be intense and talking a ton of sh!t in the cage. Condit will be more down to business. I worry about Diaz taking a good shot that drops him but I will never pick against him. I call Diaz via TKO in the third! Diaz will have more endurance. This cat is a machine. Stockton motherf*cker!

UFC 143Saturday, February 4 – 9PMWATCH IT AT:

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UFC 143DIAZ VS. CONDITBy Brian [email protected]

Roy “Big Country” Nelson (17-6-0) vs. Fabricio “Vai Cavalo” Werdum (14-5-1):Battle of the big boys here! Werdum is most recently known for beating the once thought unbeatable Fedor, via triangle choke. His sub-mission game is on point! Nelson is no slouch on the ground either. Even though Nelson looks like a fat slob, he is one bad dude with surprising endurance. He can go the distance in a fi ght with just about anyone. Werdum’s only recent loss was to Alistair Overeem, who just beat the brakes off of Brock Lesnar. This is a big fi ght for both of these guys and I see Werdum winning this fi ght via submission in the second round!

Josh “Kos” Koscheck (18-5-0) vs. Mike Pierce (13-4-0):Want fi reworks? This fi ght should deliver! Two good wrestlers that are very explosive. Pierce has talked a little sh!t and Koscheck has an-swered. Pierce is the young cat and a relative newcomer to the UFC while Kos has fought for the world title and has fought the best of the best. I think Koscheck needs this more. If he loses, he may never return to the top. I think that Kos wins the wrestling aspect of the fi ght and even has an edge on the feet, but Pierce is like a Tasmanian devil and will come to bang. I see Kos winning via decision in an exciting fi ght featuring a good dose of stand up!

Photo Courtesy: 411mania.com Photo Courtesy: CagedInsider.com



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RINGING IN THENEW YEAR

The Dallas Mavericks fi nally hosted their championship ring ceremony to a packed house before playing the Minnesota Tim-berwolves last Wednesday. It was the fi nal event celebrating the Mavericks im-probable 2011 title run. Strangely, the ring ceremony was a full month after raising the banner before the season opener on Christmas Day. The rings weren’t available for the season opener be-cause Cuban waited until after the NBA lockout so he could discuss differ-ent designs with the play-ers. The end result being a championship ring that contains 250 diamonds and is a whopping 10 kar-ats that Jason Kidd, Dirk Nowitzki, and Jason Terry helped design. The inside of the band features the Mavs’ fi rst logo in honor of Don Carter, the team’s fi rst owner. It also lists the win/loss results from their four playoff series. It was a very important night for the franchise. On the top of the ring, which is made of 14-karat white gold, the edges read “World Cham-pions,” with 10 diamonds running along the right and left sides. In the middle of the ring is the Mavericks horse with “31 princess-cut dia-monds — one for each year the Dallas Mav-ericks have been in Dallas and the NBA,” according to the company that produced the ring, the Jostens jewelry company. Cu-ban said he paid a total of $1.4 million for the rings for the 15 players and the entire coaching staff. Each diamond-encrusted beauty is estimated to cost $40,000. The franchise also doled out the bling to former Mavs Derek Harper, Rolando Blackman, and Brad Davis for all their contributions to the franchise. Davis is the radio color broadcaster, Harper works on the televi-sion broadcast and Blackman works for the organization within the community. The ceremony began with an emotional video of the Mavericks being handed the NBA championship trophy at the end of the fi nals and other playoff highlights. It clearly got the fans and players excited to

reminisce on what an incredible run it was. It was the same video shown on Christmas Day, but also included new segments like the banner raising and the team’s trip to the White House to meet President Barack Obama earlier this month. There was en-

ergy and electricity in the air as the fans applauded and cheered on the re-maining members of their championship team. It was a bittersweet ceremony with so many vital players missing who helped the Mavericks capture their fi rst title. The four players from last season’s team not present to get rings were Corey Brewer, Caron But-ler, Tyson Chandler and DeShawn Stephenson. Carlisle said he looked forward to presenting rings to those players later this season. Barea, who missed his fourth consecu-tive game for Minnesota because of a sprained left ankle, received a huge ovation when he was the fi rst player introduced by Carlisle. Mark Cuban in-tentionally planned this cer-emony to coincide with the Wolves’ visit so that Barea, who was integral to captur-

ing the title, could attend. Carlisle intro-duced each player by recalling a specifi c playoff memory that the team member pro-duced. He introduced Jason Kidd as the greatest point guard in Mavericks history before getting to the fi nal player left with-out a ring. However the loudest the crowd got the entire night was when Dirk Nowit-zki received his ring. Carlisle announced his fi nal member as the “Ten-time All-Star, 2007 league MVP, 2011 Finals MVP; one day soon we’ll have a statue outside the AAC, without question, the greatest player in Mavericks history -- Dirk Nowitzki.” The crowd screamed with excitement as Now-itzki accepted his ring, held it toward the rafters, and then placed it on his fi nger. It was a touching moment between the big German and his loyal fans. It was a mo-ment that fans of the Dallas Mavericks and Dirk Nowitzki will never forget.

By Geoff Case@geoffcase

UPCOMING SCHEDULE:2/1 Thunder 7:00 p.m.2/3 Pacers 7:30 p.m.2/4 @ Cavaliers 6:30 p.m.2/8 @ Nuggets 8:00 p.m.

SCHHEEDULULULULLLLLEEEEEE:E:E:

Photo Courtesy: Dallas Mavericks



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STARS AT THEALL-STAR BREAK

The Dallas Stars hit the All-Star Break on a high note following a gritty 1-0 win over the Anaheim Ducks. The oft-injured team should welcome the chance to get away from the game for fi ve days. The win snapped their 0-4-1 slide and the Stars now fi nd themselves with a 25-21-2 record, tied with Phoenix and Calgary for 10th in the Western Conference, three points back of Minnesota who is in the eighth and fi nal playoff spot. “That was huge,” said goaltender Kari Lehtonen, who made 27 saves to earn his fi rst shutout of the season and 18th of his

career. “We talked about it a little before; we really wanted to give a good effort and give everything because there’s lots of time to rest now and enjoy our families.” Several key players are still nursing inju-ries, including All-Star Jamie Benn (Appen-dectomy) and Captain Brenden Morrow (Neck). The break will enable the Stars to heal up and come back stronger when the season resumes on February 1 in Ana-heim. “I’ll just get a good rest and try to re-cover and rejuvenate and get ready for a big stretch in February,” noted defenseman Stephane Robidas, who missed six games with a foot injury in late December. “I got a couple little nagging injuries it’ll be nice to get rid of, so it couldn’t have come at a better time,” said winger Eric Nystrom of the break. “It’s good to get a couple of days off, for sure.” A number of players will be leaving the

Metroplex during their time off, taking ad-vantage of a rare opportunity to get away from hockey, and the club’s dogfi ght for a playoff spot. “I’m going away with the family, the whole family, we’re going away to the Ba-hamas,” Robidas revealed. “So I’ll spend some time with the kids and just enjoy our-selves.” “I’m just going to rest for a couple of days, and maybe go somewhere for an-other couple of days,” added Lehtonen. “I haven’t really thought about it, it’s just to stay away from the rink. It’s been a long

year and this is good, it’s kind of halfway and you get a rest and then you get to go to work again.” Gulutzan pointed out that he encour-aged the players to get away and escape mentally from the grind of the playoff chase, but also emphasized that he ex-pects them to return fi red up and ready to roll when practice resumes. “We’re in a battle for a playoff spot,” said Gulutzan. “You don’t know what’s go-ing to happen long-term, but it only looks like possibly one or two spots are (up for grabs). We’re in a battle to get one of those spots and it’s going to be a telling month (February) for us. We haven’t made any excuses for ourselves and we have no excuses coming back - we’ll be healthy, we’ll have Bennie and everyone back and rested and we have to make a run at it”.

By Tony [email protected]

UPCOMING SCHEDULE:2/1 @ Ducks 9:30 p.m.2/2 @ Sharks 9:30 p.m.2/4 Wild 7:00 p.m.2/7 Coyotes 7:30 p.m.

OMINGNGNG SCHEDULLE:EE:

Photo Courtesy: Dominic Ceraldi

Dallas Polo Club

LE A R N TO

PL AY PO L O

NO RIDING

EXPERIENCE

NECESSARY

WWW.DALLASPOLOCLUB.ORG

CALL214-979-0300 ext.1



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By Darnell [email protected]

THE NFL FINALLY LETS YOU PLAY WITH YOUR THUMBS

THE PERFECT TWEET

Professional and college athletes are highly visible and fans are very in-terested in the lives they lead on and

off the fi eld or the court. In our age of social media dominance never has the player and the fan been so instantly and intimately connected. Twitter happens to be the medium of choice to get the latest news directly from the person(s) creating the news. This often results in epic fails for the various leagues public relation’s de-partments to clean up. From the Carmelo Anthony inci-dent tweeting about paying someone $5,000.00 to assault Kat Stacks, an in-dustry groupie, to Rashard Mendenhall’s unpopular political ideology about the 9/11 attacks and the United States han-dling of Osama Bin Laden. “We’ll never know what really happened,” Menden-hall tweeted. “I just have a hard time be-lieving a plane could take a skyscraper down demolition style.” Communication so honest and instant can only be a prob-lem leaving some people to believe that

Twitter for athletes should be banned en-tirely. The NBA has instituted rules for when a player can tweet and the NFL also decid-ed to regulate the use of twitter on game days. So, it came as a major surprise when it was announced that a computer station would be set up on the sidelines for the Pro Bowl strickly for Twitter. The deci-sion was an easy one to make according to NFL Vice President of Football Opera-tions Merton Hanks. In an interview with 49ers.com Hanks said, “The Pro Bowl has traditionally been an opportunity for us to try new things, try new technologies, whether it’s equipment, uniforms or the style of play,” Hanks continued “I’m look-ing forward to seeing how this experience comes out.” So I decided to put my mind in the mind of 10 high profi le players featured in the 2012 Pro Bowl be their unoffi cial social media rep. and give you what I think would have been their perfect tweet.

Ben Roethlisberger SteelersMan, so many beautiful women! staying in hotel room skipping the luau and drinks #NotAgain

Cam Newton Panthersfi rst year pro bowler? I should have charged those schools more for recruiting me #MissedOpportunity

Willis McGahee Broncos#breaking the huddle Tim let’s me say amen.

Vonta Leach RavensTeammate Ray Lewis met my mama for the fi rst time. Still cracks jokes cause she named me Vonta. #RaysMean

James Harrison Steelers#thesilenttreatment

Terrell Suggs RavensI vow to never be friends with kickers #ThanksCundiff

DeMarcus Ware CowboysI just want to sack #Romo on time! and Coach Garret

Clay Matthews PackersThis weather is so much better than Wisconsin for my hair #PertPlusTalk

LeSean McCoy EaglesCan’t remember who called us the #dreamteam? should have been the “dreaming of the playoffs team.”

Nick Mangold Jets#Confession I was the one who anonymously blasted Mark SanchezLet’s hope that Roger Goddell doesn’t send me any fi nes.

What Their Tweets Could Have Been...



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Super Bowl XLVI is set as a rematch of the 2007 game that saw the New York Giants ruin the New England Patriots perfect season with a 17-14 victory highlighted by Eli Manning’s eluding a sack and floating a 32-yard pass to David Tyree. Tyree’s acrobatic catch in spite of Patriots safety Rodney Harrison’s attempts to break it up has become one of the NFL’s legendary plays that so many fans can remember exactly where they were when they saw it. As we prepare for the big game at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, we must take into ac-count that according to the Mayans, doomsday could very well be upon us and this could be our last chance as football fans to partake in a Su-per Bowl party. That being said, it is time to plan accordingly and throw the ultimate Super Bowl bash.

1) LOCATION -- You need a spot that has plenty of space for your friends and the best TV possible...Cowboys Sta-dium. After all, there is nothing going on at the big house on the corner of Collins and Randol Mill and one could imagine that the team could use a little extra revenue with only one playoff victory in 15 years. Just make sure to set up shop in the Owner’s Suite (or at the very least the fi eld-level Miller Lite Club) and NOT settle for any temporary seating to be installed on Super Bowl Sunday!

2) CATERING -- For an event like the Super Bowl, you will need multiple caterers. Get Hooters to cater the event with tons of wings and beer. And for this party, it is mandatory that the hottest of the Hooters Girls are in the house to add to the ambiance. And for the more sophisticated of your friends, it is essential to have Bob’s Steak & Chop House or Del Frisco’s in the house with steak.

3) RUNNER -- You have to have a designated runner to go across the street to Walmart at a moment’s notice should you need napkins, snacks or soft drinks. Then again you may need extra batteries for the remote control should you need to rewind the DVR for an instant replay of any possible “wardrobe malfunctions”. There is bound to be someone from high school that you can’t stand that is down on their luck and would gladly do this job for minimum wage. Then again...

4) ENTERTAINMENT -- Have your own halftime enter-tainment perform for you and your friends. I’d suggest the Black Eyed Peas as they are familiar with the locale from their performance at last year’s Super Bowl.

5) AFTER-PARTY -- You need to have a celebrity-laden post-game soiree. Former Dallas Cowboys WR Terrell Ow-ens is back in North Texas with his new gig with the Allen Wranglers. As a big of a player as he was on the Super Bowl XLV party scene a year ago, he would make the ide-al host for the party fl yer at least. Being that this is such a big bash, you need a co-host, someone along the lines of Brooklyn Decker, perhaps? Since there are no big events in DFW, the weather will likely be perfect, meaning an outdoor spot like the Joule Hotel pool deck in downtown Dallas should be the locale.

By Jay Betsill – @thefamousay

Photo

s Courtesy

: John P

ozad

zides,

Neil S

kylar, C

liff Cooper,

leah1201I, Jam

ie McC

arthy



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BLACKFINNwww.blackfi nndallas.comAn awesome bar is a good start, add in all the tvs and a friendly staff and you should be good to go. This hot spot is a magnet for lots of attrac-tive people. Be there. Be seen!

BUFFALO JOE’Swww.thebuffalojoes.comYour neighborhood sports bar is here to oblige. They’re also a Giants hangout. They have over 40 tvs for all the action and the hottest bartend-ers in town.

DUKE’S ORIGINAL ROADHOUSEwww.dukesoriginalroadhouse.comWhen you think of Dukes you think of a good time. Home of the Tower of Power, Big Duke Burger Challenge and off the hook events. Be there! It’s where your friends are.

FOX AND HOUNDwww.foxandhound.comWith several big screen tvs, plenty of seating and plenty of pregame activities, it’s easy to believe that they’ll have the best party in town.

HOOTERSwww.hooters.comThe venue that started it all is known for their wings and waitresses and is always a safe bet. This Sunday will be no different.

MCFADDEN’S ADDISONwww.mcfaddensaddison.comThis newly opened venue should still be impec-cably clean. Lots of hotties. Tons of tvs. We’re betting on their halftime show being completely awesome!

POKESwww.pokesplace.comThey’re establishing themselves as a sports watching mecca with all of their tvs, good food and uber friendly waitresses. There isn’t a bad spot in the house and they have shuffl eboard.

TEXADELPHIA ADDISONwww.texadelphia.comYou’re probably aware that they have awesome sandwiches and now you know that they have the Super Bowl!

WEST END PUBwww.westendpubdallas.netThe West End Pub is the best thing about the West End. They also possess one helluva giant HD screen. I haven’t even gotten to the beer se-lection…

THE WILD TURKEYwww.thewildturkey.netFamily owned and operated since 1978 on Walnut Hill, they just opened a new location in Lewisville. Cheer on your team and gobble…gobble…gobble up some grub.

In what has been a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde season, the New York Giants fi nd themselves one win away from be-coming Super Bowl

Champions. The Giants’ 2011 season has been both spectacular and dreadful. The G-Men began this campaign 6-2, closing out the fi rst-half of the season with a 24-20 road win over their Super Bowl XLVI foes the New England Patriots. After losing their next four games in a row, and fi ve out of six overall, the Giants found themselves shape shifting into a playoff pretender and not the Super Bowl contender they have morphed back into beginning December 24th with a 29-14 vic-tory over the Jets. Since that win, the Giants have reeled off fi ve victories in a row while punching their ticket to Indianapolis to face the Patriots in a rematch of Super Bowl XLII – the Giants remarkable 17-14 surprise upset of the 18-0 Patriots.

GIANTS OFFENSECan we fi nally say that Eli Manning is an elite quarterback in the NFL? If a signal caller is truly measured on what he does in the post-season, then Manning may only be second to his counterpart in this game, Tom Brady, when it comes to playoff success. That may be a stretch, but Manning does hold the play-off record for post-season road wins. He was named the MVP of Super Bowl XLII and holds the NFL record for most game winning/over-time drives in the playoffs with six. He ac-complished that this season as well as the last time the Giants won the Super Bowl in 2007. If Manning and the Giants pull off the upset

again this year, Eli will surpass his brother and Brett Favre with two Super Bowl victories to his credit. Manning is blessed on offense with two 1,000-yard receivers in Hakeem Nicks and Victor Cruz. Cruz hauled 82 catches for 1,536 yards and nine touchdowns in his sec-ond year. Quite an emergence for a guy who posted no numbers in just three games played in his rookie campaign of 2010. The shifty Cruz compliments the big, strong Hakeem Nicks, who continues to prove he was worth the high draft pick the Giants spent on him in the fi rst-round of the ‘09 draft. Mario Manningham and tight end Jake Ballard round out the Giants passing game that ranked fi fth overall this season. If the passing game is a weapon for the Gi-ants, the running game has been a self-infl ict-ed wound for most of the season. New York ranks last in rushing offense averaging less than 90 yards per game in 2011. Running backs Ahmad Bradshaw and Brandon Jacobs tote the rock for the offense, and injuries to themselves and to the offensive line have ham-pered the Giants rushing attack all season. They had a total of four runs of 20 or more yards between them all season and Bradshaw led the team in rushing with just 659 yards. It will be critical for the Giants to get the running game going against Patriots.

GIANTS DEFENSEThe Giants don’t have the best defense, so the most effective way for them to stop the Patriots is to limit their opportunities with the ball. Tom Brady has been all but miraculous thus far in the post-season. The Giants were 29th in passing defense, giving up over 255 yards a game to opponents. That does not

bode well against the league’s second-best passing offense. The Giants depend heavily on their plethora of defensive linemen to put pressure on opposing quarterbacks. Jason Pierre-Paul became a one man wrecking crew for New York this season posting 16.5 sacks while recording 86 tackles and recovering two fumbles. Tuck, Umenyiora and Kiwanuka consistently get to the quarterback without risky blitzes that usually spell disaster against a quarterback like Brady. The Giants secondary has been playing catch up all season since starting cornerback Terrell Thomas’ season ended before it started with a knee injury. Thomas was one of fi ve Giant’s defensive backs that were lost for the season at some point during the year. Veter-ans Aaron Ross and Corey Webster formed a new starting duo at the corners, and rookie fi rst-round draft choice Prince Amukamara re-turned from a broken foot in time to lend critical depth and athleticism. Safeties Antrel Rolle and Kenny Phillips protected the back end and stayed healthy long enough to push The G-Men to the brink of another world cham-pionship.

INTANGIBLES Are the New York Giants the NFL team of des-tiny this year? The fact that they are in the Super Bowl after such an up and down season may suggest so. Unlike Super Bowl XLII when nobody was giving the 12.5-point underdog Giants a chance to beat the perfect Patriots, Big Blue may be everyone’s sexy pick to click come game time. The Patriots will defi nitely be out for revenge this time around. It is highly un-likely they will give the Giants anything easy. It is going to take more than a hope and a prayer to complete the upset in this one.

By Tomm

y Smith – tsm

ith@blitzw

eekly.com

By Frank LaCasta – fl [email protected]



11

As I fl ip through the sports channels I fi nd myself already board with basket-ball. Baseball will be here in the spring, and then just about

the time you think the summer heats killing you, well football will be ramping up again. Until then here’s a look at the AFC champion Patriots of New England. In the AFC title game the Pats did just enough on offense to eke out a win, the defense looked as good as they have all year, couple that with a missed fi eld goal from the Ravens, and back to the bowl Brady goes. To sum it up…Brady fl at stunk, and the defense was stellar.

PATRIOTS OFFENSEThis offense is still second in the league with their passing attack, but as you couple the quarterback with wide outs, the explosiveness, quick strike ability and the on-the-line audibles, this is by far the most lethal offense the NFL has seen this year. QB Brady is one of the smartest and quickest to pick a defense apart. His out-lets in the receiving pool include Wes Walker and TE Rob Gronkowski, both with over 1300+ yards each this year. This just leaves the unat-tended backfi eld which you can rest assured that with all the attention focused on this pass-ing attack, RB Green-Ellis will be given some room to run when the time is right, probably just about the time New York isn’t expecting it.

PATRIOTS DEFENSEThis defense was bad at the fi rst of the year, middle of the year, and barring the showing they gave against the Ravens; I’ll stick to my hunch…their still bad. They can stop a run here

and there but seems to be that if you want to put the ball in the air and get in a shootout with Brady go for it. It’s almost like they invite it. The pass defense isn’t the worst in the league but its close enough to the bottom of the pile to still smell. I’m still shaking my head over their last performance. They looked great, swarming to the ball, making tackles, and keeping pressure on the Ravens the entire game. If this was some-thing new I’m sure they’ll try it again. If it was just a fl uke, well Brady better ready, or maybe it’s been here all year and just never given no-tice because every game was overshadowed by the offenses. Special teams efforts will be the same duties as it has been all season…don’t make a turn over, and set up Brady. The Pats kickoff cover-age is pretty effi cient in regards to keeping the other team starting from the 20 or just outside of it, I guess when you practice and have an av-erage of about six real game kicks on Sunday, your coverage will evolve to be pretty good.

INTANGIBLESCoach Belichick is to the rest of the coaches in the NFL as Brady is to the other quarterbacks. Bottom-line…this guy’s good! I don’t want to hear all the whining about “he cheated”, “he taped practices”…blah, blah, blah….He wins! And he’ll continue to win. You give him an ex-tra week to prepare for a team he has already played and lost to this year, and the same team that took a Super Bowl away from him a few years back…this recipe spells disaster for the Giants. The defense teams are gone, what’s left is two teams that in my view are pretty similar in the fact they both have effi cient passing games, and neither one seems overly concerned about letting the other score. I don’t know if that’s what

I would want to get into facing this Pats team. QB Manning is good and comes from a qual-ity gene pool, but is this enough to get Brady to slow down? Brady stunk it up against the Ravens. I know it, you know it, and so does he. Brady has stunk it up only one other time this year and that was over a two-week streak and one of the games was against, you guessed it, the Giants. Following that short stumbling, Brady, Belichick and the rest of the Pats have run off 10 wins and during that stretch only scored less than 30+ twice. All the sport books in Vegas opened the line at either New England -4 or -3 ½. This didn’t last long; most books went to NE -3 within a day, some books are now at NE -2 ½ with this week to go before kickoff. All the talking heads are ranting about how bad the AFC is and how the Giants should be favored. Smart money, dead money, sharp money and square money is all fl owing in on the Giants, the Pats are get-ting some action but the margin is defi antly heavy on the Giants. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the line slip again before the weekend. Here’s the deal, the Giants beat this team once already this year, the Giants beat this team in Super Bowl XLII, both of these wins were by a dismal three points each. Neither team seems to be able to stable a defense, so the game may turn into a highlight reel. I don’t want to be against Brady and his squad when 1) Revenge is on the agenda for Brady and Belichick 2) You may end up in a shootout against Brady and last but not least 3) Every-one is betting the Giants. What does that mean you ask? ANSWER: The masses are asses. I’ll take the New England Patriots and be cashing my ticket as they are announced the XLVI Super Bowl Champs.

By Sonny Capps – hhhup88@

gmail.com

NO MATTER WHICH TEAM YOU’RE GOING FOR, HERE ARE SOME SURE FIRE DRINKING GAMES TO BE PLASTERED BY THE TROPHY PRESENTATION.

TAKE A SHOT AFTER EACHOF THESE:

Every time Eli’s older brother Peyton’s name is mentioned. The guy didn’t even play a down this year.

When the cameraman spots Gisele Bundchen.

After every NBC TV show plug.

Every time Brady’s revenge for Super Bowl XLII is mentioned. (You can also include “The Catch” in this.)

Every time you hear about the greatBill Belichick or that Tom Coughlinwas about to be fi red.

Each time the Baltimore Ravens’ missed fi eld goal is mentioned.

Every time a commercial has a talking or singing animal.

By BLITZ Staff – [email protected]

Photos Courtesy: Simon Thomas, Tom Ducat-White, Keith Allison, AJ Guel



BLITZ BABE OF THE WEEK12



13

2/1FREAKS OF THE INDUSTRY Skye Bar – Dallas We’re not exactly sure what goes down at Skye Bar on Freaks of The Industry night, but we sure like the sound of it! Check out DJ Aiden and enjoy $1 drinks. 10pm.

2/24TH ANNUAL DALLAS BURLESQUE FESTIVAL House of Blues – Dallas“A Texas-sized tribute to bump and grind” …ok we’re in! There will be 75 acts with performers from all over the U.S. We don’t know about you but we’re excited. 10:30pm.

2/3GO RED HAPPY HOUR BlackFinn – Addison Pomegranate martinis, Tif-fany jewelry, a dessert buf-fet, and it’s all for a good cause. Join our buds at the Finn for a night to support the American Heart Asso-ciation. 6pm.

2/4PHENOMENON 2012 F/ SHEPARD FAIREY Dallas Contemporary – DallasFamed street artist Shepard Fairey will take his interna-tionally known skills to the design district and DJ his own party – now that’s tal-ent. 9pm.

2/5SUPER BOWL WATCH PARTY Granada Theater – DallasYou can either sit at home and watch the game with that god awful dip that your girlfriend makes or you can watch the game at the most awesome theater ever…well? 5:30pm.

2/6NOKIA MOBILE MONDAY TOUR 2012McCormick & Schmick @ Northpark– DallasThe best of CES is coming to you on Mobile Monday! Get your hands on the Lu-mina 900, winner of Best Smartphone. We’re sure you’ll run into our Almost Nerdy pals there. 6pm.

2/7STARS VS. COYOTESAmerican Airlines Center – Dallas The Stars continue their chase for Stanley (the cup that is) on Tuesday night versus the Phoenix Coyotes. This should be an awesome game. Make sure you’re there to see it. 7:30pm.

WED. THURS. FRI. SAT. SUN. MON. TUES.

Photos Courtesy: GeeJ, Dustin Wax, jmaldona, Jason Persse,Keith Allison , Adam Cohn, Dominic Ceradli, Nokia

MUSIC WITHOUT FILTERSBy Mateeka Lanee’mateekalanee.wordpress.com

“KEYS” TO SUCCESS

At 22-years-old, jazz pianist Kris Bowers hangs Julliard diplomas on his walls, names bright young music stars among his circle of friends, and is as much a fan of

underground rock and rap as he is of the music that has shaped his career. At nine-years-old, Bowers began taking piano lessons, and as an early teen, his romance with jazz sparked when taking lessons in the genre. An L.A resident, he attended the Los Angeles County High School for the Arts, and since his graduation, has been further perfecting his craft at the Julliard School in New York, receiving an undergraduate degree and now pursuing his Masters in Jazz Performance. He has performed with jazz greats including Benny Golson and Frank Wess, and for audiences, which have included Colin Powell, Aretha Franklin, and President Barack Obama. He is also using his skill and unique music perspective to places beyond jazz, including modern genres of pop music. He has had opportunities to perform with hip-hop moguls including QTip, The Roots’ rapper Black Thought, Ludacris, Mos Def, and Kanye West, whom he met while doing a show with QTip at the Brooklyn Hip Hop Festival this past July. His music was recently featured on the Billboard-topping collaboration album between West and Jay Z, called Watch the Throne. Bowers is now preparing for his fi rst studio album with Concord Records, after winning the prestigious 2011 Thelonious Monk International Jazz Competition and an award of $25,000. He jokes when I ask him how

his progress is coming: “Well, I can’t even pretend I don’t have money anymore. But it’s more kind of a mental thing. I won’t go into the studio until May. Right now I’m just trying to fi gure out what direction I want the sound to go.” Standing on the threshold of his upcoming album, Bowers says he wants to incorporate his eclectic personal music taste into his unique sound. “I want my fan base, or future fan base, to be comprised of people my age, so I feel it’s important to give them stuff [they can relate to].” His broad interests include fi lm composition, an industry he plans on working in one day. He names some of his favorite composers as “Lord of the Rings” writer Howard Shore; John Williams (“any melody that’s really, really famous, he probably wrote it”), of Jaws, E.T, Harry Potter theme, and Star Wars fame; and Ratatouille composer Michael J. Keano. Bowers takes a moment to consider when I ask him what advice he would give to other aspiring musicians, then answers unexpectedly. “It’s funny you ask that. I haven’t even fi gured that out.” He laughs. “Always stay hungry. Do as much as you can. More importantly, just [be] a good person. The reason why I got a lot of these gigs, more than [just] being good, is that it was some of my friends that recommended me.” He does, however, have a fast response when I say that it seems like he’s having fun. “The main thing is about how good it feels and trying to connect to people.” It’s a statement as simple and genuine as he himself seems to be, and a sentiment sure to continue opening many more doors in his future.

Photo

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THE TOAST OF GREENVILLE AVENUE APPROACHES THE BIG 4-0By The Bumwww.dallasrestaurantreviews.net

THE GRAPE RESTAURANT

The Grape restaurant has been a Dallas favorite since the early 1970’s, and almost 40 years later; you can fi nd it on the “Best in DFW” list of the Dallas Morn-ing News. It still has its intimate charm, its quality food, and its steady business.

SETTINGA small, 1920’s building on low-er Greenville Avenue. Within a few paces of the front door are a number of busy restaurants and bars, such as The Blue Goose, and other well-known Dallas eateries. There is parking in the rear, and also a valet. The attire is nice casual.

FOODThe Grape restaurant has not rested on its laurels. They still serve the traditional cheese board (choose from 10 chees-es), the pate’s, etc. But the menu has evolved over the years from French bistro cuisine to a “new” French – infl uenced by Asia, America, and the Southwest. A total of eight to ten creative en-trées, all under $20. No heavy creams (except in the restaurant’s famous Cream of Mushroom soup – highly recommended).

WINESA lengthy list of 200 labels – half are American.

AMBIANCEThe candle-lit interior is dim and romantic. The tables are close. It will remind you of a cozy neighborhood restaurant tucked away on a Paris side street. The Grape still has its blackboards on the back wall with the menus and specials, but written menus are also provided. I am always impressed with the service -- it is warm, smooth, relaxed in pace, and unobtrusive.

DOWNSIDEThe traffi c and parking on Greenville Avenue are always an adventure. But what the heck – a couple bucks for the valet is well worth it.

RESERVATIONSRecommended, especially on weekends. But if you are reser-vation-less and have to wait, the Grape has a quiet little bar in an adjacent room – worth arriving early for a cocktail or staying late for a coffee.

BOTTOM LINEIf you’re looking for a quiet or romantic dinner spot (or lunch), The Grape is as good as it gets.

Contact Info:The Grape Restaurant2808 Greenville AvenueDallas – 75206(214) 828-1981www.thegraperestaurant.com

14

“STOP! PLEASE DON’T ABANDON YOUR INFANT!”By Jesse [email protected]

THE TRAIL OF WHISKEY AND CHEEZ WHIZ TEARS

Gainesville, Florida used to just be a hog farm in the middle of no-where, but thanks to football mes-siah Tim Tebow and Gatorade we are now featured on the map on most Clock Restaurant place mats. Gainesville is also home to a sea of doe-eyed, binge-drinking 19-year-olds hell bent on blowing their trust funds during their time at the University of Florida. What many people don’t realize about Florida is that it’s not just the suburbs of Boca Raton and West Palm Beach where old people go to die. Simi-lar to Gainesville, much of the state is actually a land-locked, water-less island and if you are part fi sh like me, you may dry out if you stay too long.

I was in such a state one af-ternoon and so I found myself on Hawthorne Road, a tragicomic trailer park wasteland and the only thing in between here and the ocean. Hawthorne Road is truly a trail of tears, which are most likely made up of Cheez Whiz, whiskey, and Crisco. With a population of barely 500, I was shocked to see the only billboard on the road em-blazoned with the begging and pleading, “Stop! Please don’t abandon your infant!” For God’s sake, there isn’t that many people living here, so chanc-es are this must be happening of-ten enough for someone to put up a billboard about it. I can picture the major in the town hall saying,

“Goddammit, I swear, if I fi nd an-other infant in the dumpster I’m put-ting up a billboard!” Another point of interest on the trail of tears that is Hawthorne Road is Lori’s Diner, which features a photo of a meal on the sign out-side. I can make out the onion rings, but I’m still trying to fi gure out the hazy, gray-colored slop sitting next to it. One day I’ll stop and eat there so I can taste the local fl avor – which is probably fi lled with tears and cigarette ashes – much to the chagrin of my stomach, which will surely punish me afterward. I’ll just tell Lori that I want whatever is pic-tured on the sign. Noise disturbance calls are also problematic on Hawthorne Road

since A) the cops will argue that it’s the right of every American to blast a pile of leaves on their lawn for as long as they want to and B) they will want to join in on the fourth-straight hour of semi-automatic tar-get practice. You don’t see people doing much for fun around here either. But I did see an overweight kid rid-ing a lawnmower to McDonald’s,

although it didn’t look like he was really enjoying himself. It was more like, “I’m too lazy to walk half a block to McDonald’s, this place sucks, and all I have is this lawn mower to get me around.” Clearly driving a lawn mower along a busy highway was routine for this kid.

– If Hawthorne Road can teach me anything, it’s to just keep driving.

Photo Courtesy: Jef Harris

Contact Info::The Grape Restaurant2808 Greenville AvenueDallas – 752066(214) 828-19881www.thegraperestaurant.com



15

By Aeryn Ripley [email protected]

Demi Moore – Finally gave in to the stress of dear ‘ol Ashton by inhaling Nitrous Oxide known as whip-its (a pastime normally en-joyed by stoner kids). Paramed-ics were called to her home when a semi-conscious Moore started showing seizure-like symptoms. It’s unknown if any hacky sacks were found at the scene.

Pat Sajak – Catapulted himself back into relevance by divulging that in the early days of Wheel of Fortune he and Vanna use to do the show completely hammered. Pat let the world know that they were often so drunk they would “have trouble recognizing the alphabet.” Now there’s an inter-esting show!

Steve-O – May be the worst karaoke singer ever. The Jackass is on the wrong end of a lawsuit. Steve-O, host of Killer Karaoke sprayed a contestant with water and she slipped and suffered se-rious injury. On the bright side, she didn’t die – after all it is called Killer Karaoke.

Once considered the greatest smuggler in the coun-try Chris Farraday (Mark Wahlberg) has left that world behind him, choosing instead to settle down with his wife Kate (Kate Beckinsale) and his two sons and pursue his small security system business. But Chris is conned into “one last job” when his brother-in-law botches a drug shipment for local dealer Tim Briggs (Giovanni Ribisi) and everyone’s life is put in danger. Begrudgingly he boards a ship to Panama with the intent of smuggling in counterfeit bills but the situation ends up getting far more dangerous than he expected thanks to someone he trusted like family. Contraband is not the action movie you’re prob-ably expecting from the poster and trailers; save for one big action set piece, it’s all suspense and ten-

sion as Chris and his crew try to smuggle and break laws under the watchful eye of the ship captain (an excellent J.K. Simmons). Although there are moments of tension and some interesting looks into the world of contraband (the method for testing the counterfeit money was fascinating), on the whole it’s a dry run of a movie that isn’t too and interesting and, despite its “gritty” take, ends up being insanely far fetched (the whole Panama sequence is done with a specifi c time to meet, but the activities involved wouldn’t fi t in that time frame). What Contraband does have going for it, how-ever, is its casting specifi cally in its villains. Ribisi is excellent and entertaining as the over the top drug dealer, really committing to the part in a way that

would make Nicolas Cage proud. Ben Foster, who plays Chris’ former partner Sebastian, is also reli-ably great and is far more fascinating to watch than Wahlberg as the lead. Those two performances and characters alone save the movie from being a total wash. This is January so standards are low, and going by that I guess Contraband does stand out. It’s shot well and has some good performances, so instantly it catapults to the top of its competition (The Devil In-side, for instance). However this is an empty shell of a movie, with no characters to root for and an overall story that has interesting moments rather than being interesting as a whole. Wait for it to show up on FX in a couple of years.

By Jonathan Sullivan [email protected]

HOLLYWOODPROFILE: THE OSCARSBy Vivian [email protected]

Okay, so I know a lot of you out there are gearing up for the Brady vs. Manning showdown, and that’s fi ne. But my Super Bowl doesn’t take place until Sunday, February 26 when the best Hol-lywood has to offer for 2011 will stand up and claim that coveted golden statuette. This might be a good time to point out that you are only a Super Bowl champion for a year, but you’re an Oscar winner for a lifetime! The nomina-tions were announced last week, and this year, predictably, has its frontrunners like George Clooney for Best Actor for his role in The Descendants as a husband who learns that his wife, who recently suffered a traumatic accident, has been having an affair with a younger man played by Mat-thew Lillard, who I love, but let’s face it, what woman would cheat on Clooney with him? The celes-tial stars have also lined up for Octavia Spencer who has been sweeping the Best Supporting Ac-tress category for her incredible performance as the feisty house-keeper Minny Jackson in 2011’s runaway hit The Help. Every awards season has its “darling,” and I hope Spencer doesn’t lose

her glass slipper on the way up the stairs to claim her prize. There were also several nomina-tion surprises this year. Now, how tacky was it when the press let out a collective, audible gasp of disbelief at Jonah Hill’s nomination for Best Supporting Ac-tor for Moneyball. The fact that he held his own on screen with Brad Pitt is prize wor-thy in-and-of itself. Do I think he’s going to win...not really. Will I be hugely happy for him if he does...absolutely! Another shocker...Nick Nolte for Best Sup-porting Actor for a little seen but critically acclaimed fi lm Warrior. I didn’t even know Nolte was still alive to tell you the truth, but good for him! Now let’s get to the interesting stuff, who didn’t get nominated. WHERE IS LEO? I was stunned, mortifi ed and genuinely shocked

at his absence from the nomi-nations for his jaw dropping turn as FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover in Clint Eastwood’s J. Edgar. Did they miss the fact that Leo brilliantly and beautifully depict-ed decades in the

life of someone who was at one time labeled the most powerful man in the world? Also noticeably absent was Ryan Gosling. He had two critically hailed performances in Drive and The Ides of Marchthis year, but neither garnered him an invitation to the ball. And though three of his actresses re-ceived Oscar nods for the help,

Tate Taylor did not make the list in the Best Director or Best Adapted Screenplay categories. Those are just a few of the highlights from this year’s biggest night in movies. So, enjoy the big game this weekend, and then tune in for all the glitz and glamour Tin-sel town has to offer on Sunday, February 26th at 7pm on ABC. I will be enjoying all the action at my friend Cherie’s Oscar Party complete with red carpet, cham-pagne and my fl oor length Oscar de la Renta gown! If you have big plans for Oscar night email your photos to me at [email protected]. I’d love to include them in my post-Oscar highlights online!

MOVIEREVIEW OF CONTRABAND

t hi b



16

MY NEW “BFF”

I am glad to see that GM is stay-ing the course when it comes to full-size SUVs. And I don’t say this just because they are produced not very far from my house. I say this because for me, and still many others in North America, full-size SUVs, while perhaps not being the most “P.C.” neighbor on the block, serve a sought-after purpose for families and other consumers. Many buyers still appreci-ate a full frame architecture underpinning their ride as they pull the boat or travel trailer.

Still others may be hauling the Boy Scouts and their gear on a camping trip or Eagle service project off the beaten path. While my needs do not in-clude any of the above I realize full-size SUVs like the Chevrolet

Tahoe and Suburban still pro-vide a valuable service in cer-tain niches other than simply fulfi lling the need to occupy as much mobile real estate as pos-sible. (I guess these buyers were the “Occupy Any Street” head-line grabbers of the previous decade.) Recently I spent a week with the 2012 Chevrolet Tahoe in fully-laden LTZ trim that includes new hard-drive navigation radio package (including Siri-usXM Weather Service for you Scoutmasters and Den Moth-ers) along with electronic trailer

sway control on the Stabilitrak stability control system and hill start assist. The blind spot alert system is also standard on the LTZ models. A few (frosty) mornings the new heated steering wheel be-

came my new “BFF” but overall I was reminded that the Chevy Tahoe is still a great vehicle. Since the total makeover sev-eral years back, the GMT900 platform has really stood out. Despite not having an inde-pendent rear suspension this is a very stable riding vehicle es-pecially given its size. And the styling is the absolute best in the models history (save for some of the early Suburban Carryalls). Tahoe is offered in two- and four-wheel drive and all mod-els are powered by the Vortec 5.3-liter V-8 engine that is E85

compatible and features GM’s Active Fuel Management cylin-der deactivation technology to improve fuel economy under light load operating condi-tions. Also enhancing fuel econo-

my, as well as ride and driving comfort, is the six-speed auto-matic gearbox. EPA fi gures for the Tahoe are 15-mpg city and 21-mpg highway. Chevrolet does offer a two-mode hybrid Tahoe for enhanced fuel econo-my around town. The Chevrolet Tahoe is very comfortable even with the 4WD models as our tester was. About the only reminder the vehicle can operate off-road is the trans-fer case switch on the dash panel.

As with all other GM models Tahoe features the latest OnStar driver safety and communica-tion technology and Chevrolet packs a host of safety equip-ment and technology into Tahoe including airbags all around, Stabilitrak electronic stability control, ultrasonic rear park as-sist with available rear camera view (for pedestrian alert as

well as hooking to a trailer), tire pressure monitor, side assist steps (power retractable avail-able on LTZ) and power rear liftgate. Pricing for the 2012 Chev-rolet Tahoe begins at $37,980 with our LTZ tester tipping the scales into our driveway at (brace yourselves) just a tick over 60 grand.

2012 CHEVY TAHOE LTZ REVIEW

By David [email protected]

MAD CATZ MLG PRO CIRCUIT Establish yourself as one gamer who’s not to be f#%ked with when you bring out the big guns by pulling your professional controller out of your backpack. The MLG lets you swap thumbstick and D-Pads, so it doesn’t matter if they want to play on Xbox 360 or PS3 the ass-whipping will be the same.

Price: $100

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MAN AND A BOY IS THE PRICE OF HIS TOYS! THIS IS SURE TO MAKE YOUR WANT LIST!

Photos Courtesy: David Goodspeed

MIMOMICRO CARD READER Mimomicro microSD card readers may just be the snazziest thing you ever poke into the side of your laptop. Not only is it a fl ash drive that has a removable memory card, but it is also a microSD card reader so you can move info from your tablet, e-reader, camera, mp3 player, and smart phone straight to your computer. You can fi nd them in DC Comics and Star Wars characters. May the Files be with you.

Price: $13

Console:PS3, Xbox 360

Rating:Teen

Developers:Square Enix Product9.5 out of 10

By Aeryn Ripley [email protected]

Final Fantasy XIII-2Final Fantasy XIII-2 has us back in love with this franchise. It’s predeces-sor FFXIII left many thinking that the Fantasy was over, but thankfully they were (myself included) wrong. This story picks up three years into the future from where the last game left off with Lightning no where to be found. There is also a new face in town, Noel Kreiss, who drops in

from 700 years in the future and also happens to be the last human being – ever. On the surface things will get a little trippy, just relax and accept the game for what it is – some things will make sense, while others will com-pletely baffl e you – ignore the urge to use rational thinking. This game is far more fl uid than FFXIII completely abolishing any trace of rigidity from the previous game. Historia Cruz System al-lows you to weave through space

and time to travel to different parts of the game. The ATB system will make combat scenarios much more enjoyable, although diffi culty varies throughout. And before I forget, you can now save for progress anywhere you want to in the game! Brilliant!

The Verdict It comes with color spectrum bending visuals, superior sound (the music is iPod worthy), and the cold hard fact that it’s just f%$king fun to play. There I said it. Now go buy it.



17

ACROSS:1. Scrabble piece5. Vipers9. Wanes13. District14. Ooze16. 3 in a yard17. Clothing18. Not fl uid19. Parasitic insect20. Escargot22. Automatic transmission of data24. Jump26. Seminal fl uid27. A prickly plant30. Complex in design33. Art lover35. Moon of Saturn37. Butter portion38. A type of small mammal41. Pair42. Narrow fi ssures45. Pachyderm

48. Poor handwriting51. Listlessness52. Labor group54. Ripped55. Courier59. Exchange62. Adjoin63. Everglades bird65. Nile bird66. Achy67. Cut68. Distinctive fl air69. Leg joint70. Depend71. Expunge

DOWN:1. Makes lace2. Weightlifters pump this3. Strictly obeying the law4. Least diffi cult5. Donkey6. Notch7. Heaps8. Grinned9. A former Turkish term of respect10. It holds up trousers11. Ale12. Remain15. Swelling under the skin 21. Strip of wood23. Encounter25. Implored27. Faucets28. Makes well29. Estimated time of arrival

31. Possible32. Yards of grass34. An uncle36. Memo39. A high alpine meadow40. Tidy43. Members of a governing board44. Rational46. Conspiracy47. Beset49. Bordeaux and Dubonnet50. Forest worker53. Audacity55. Disguise56. Black, in poetry57. Certain58. Bobbin60. Found on rotary phones61. Feudal worker64. Attempt

AquariusJanuary 20 – February 18Days after the bus crash, surrounded by the skeletal remains of hundreds of former passengers, you’ll be overcome by a rare phenomenon known as “survivor’s indigestion.”

PiscesFebruary 19 – March 20You’ll bury yourself with work this weekend, which normally wouldn’t be a problem if you weren’t a sewer maintenance supervisor.

AriesMarch 21 – April 19Everyone brags about their kids, but remember that since your kid can beat the crap out of theirs, you have ultimate bragging rights.

TaurusApril 20 – May 20Apple will have interest in your new iPod prototype that can hold up to three songs, yet fi ts comfortably inside an ordinary minivan.

GeminiMay 21 – June 21They can take your wife and they can take your children, but if they’re going to do it all it once, they’ll need a much bigger hearse.

CancerJune 22 – July 22While all may be fair in love and war, many will protest your use of nerve gas in both.

LeoJuly 23 – August 22Next Monday you’ll be rewarded with a complete two hours of ABC’s The Bachelor. Visions of Ben Flajnik will fi ll your mind…

VirgoAugust 23 – September 22While in excruciating pain and badly hurt, you will see the last 10 seconds of your life fl ash before your eyes.

LibraSeptember 23 – October 22Check with Libra in two weeks for a more detailed and fairly accurate prediction of next week’s events.

ScorpioOctober 23 – November 21Dozens will be hospitalized later this week after a bar brawl breaks out over your answer regarding the migratory patterns of Sockeye salmon.

SagittariusNovember 22 – December 21 Stranger things have happened but for the third straight night you’ll actually crawl into bed by 11:30pm and wake up the next morning refreshed and energized.

CapricornDecember 22 – January 19After back-to-back nights of anxiety and stress, you’ll be mistakenly relieved to know that your medical tests came back positive.

BLITZ FUNNYS

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Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver’s License?A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: What do a gynecologist and a pizza boy have in common?A: They can smell it but they can’t eat it!

Q: What’s brown and sits on a piano bench?A: Beethoven’s First Movement.

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Nuts Over Chicken Nuggets - The U.K.’s Daily Mail tells of Stacey Irvine, 17, of Castle Vale, Birmingham. She’d collapsed with a swol-len tongue and been diagnosed suffering ane-mia (lack of blood). When asked about her daily diet, Stacey admitted that soon after eating her fi rst McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets, at age two, other than occasional french fries, she’d eaten basically nothing but chicken nuggets for 15 years. (Though she never ate fruits or veg-etables, Irvine had enjoyed a “variety” by oc-casionally getting her nuggets at KFC.)

Tough Titty! - A Pravda (Russian news service) English language translation from the Moskovsky Komsomolets newspaper, October 5, 2011, re-ported plastic surgeon Sergei Blokhin told police if a 40-year-old female patient hadn’t listened to her husband, and had her breasts enlarged 5-years earlier, she would now be dead. That’s because this same husband had recently tried stabbing her to death, but the blade was shield-ed from her thorax by one of the two state-of-the-art silicone implants Blokhin had inserted.

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Embarrassing SituationsA very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he fi nally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?” To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.” To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200?!”

Dirty Dirt - Famous environmentalist Erin Brockovich told USA Today she would investigate a mys-terious illness affecting about a dozen teens in Le Roy, New York. Parents and friends of these young people say they suffer uncontrollable facial tics and verbal outbursts, and fear it may be caused by a 1970 train derailment near their high school, which allowed 35,000 gallons of trichloroethene (C2HCl3) to soak into the soil.



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Day Job I work with a couple of sports dorks- Richie Whitt & Greggo Williams on the afternoon show on 105.3 The Fan. I don’t do sports, though. No, really.

Unexpected Perk of Your JobWe get to go to a lot of cool events- Super Bowls, World Series games, Cowboys games, red carpets, etc. Plus, we get free t-shirts!

Coolest Radio ExperienceHaving a menu item named after me (chili) at

The Fan Sports Lounge. That or getting to comb Greggo’s goatee every day before the show.

One job in your life that you turned downBeing a sugarbaby to an Arabian guy who owned a liquor store.

Board game you kick ass inTribond. Wanna play?

MentorsGreggo, Richie, Brad Gillie, Gavin Spittle, Bruce Gilbert, Doug Rice, Russ Martin

Last thing you built with your bare handsA sammich. I do plan to build a doghouse this year, though. I’ll send you a picture when it’s fi nished.

Smurfs or Oompa Loompas Smurfs all the way. I’m a product of the ‘80s, but I do love me some Snooki.

Tell us a secretI didn’t have time to take a shower today, so I took a hooker bath. Wanna sniff?

THE CLOSER

By Joe Stumpowww.darthstumpo.com

“When are you going to learn that in presiden-tial elections there is no such thing as the perfect candidate?” That was the response I sent a friend of mine after an email he sent me about the ABC’s Nightline interview that aired January 19 with Newt Gingrich’s ex-wife Marianne where it was revealed the presidential candidate had asked her for an open marriage while he was having an affair with his current wife, Calista. I did not watch the Nightline interview as I saw it as nothing more than tabloid trash. It’s not Gingrich’s “open marriage” proposal that I fi nd appallingly, sad that South Carolina vot-ers thought the best candidate to beat President Obama this November happens to be someone with questionable moral character (whether Newt Gingrich is now a changed person or not). What I fi nd more troubling is the fact Gin-grich was brought up on ethics violations during his term as Speaker of the House back in 1997 and eventually resigned. That alone to me raises red fl ags. “We all know the record,” said New Jersey Governor Chris Christie on Meet the Press who endorses Republican frontrunner Mitt Romney. “He was run out of the speakership by his own party. He was fi ned $300,000 for ethics viola-tions. This is a guy who has had a very diffi cult political career at times and has been an embar-rassment to the party ...I don’t need to regale the country with that entire list again except to say this: I’m not saying he will do it again in the future, but sometimes past is prologue.” Unfortunately, as much as I am loathe to ad-mit it, Newt Gingrich made a few good points Thursday night when he went on a tirade against CNN moderator John King when he asked the candidate if he would like to comment on the “open marriage” issue. “I think the destructive, vicious, negative na-

ture of much of the news media makes it harder to govern this country, harder to attract decent people to run for public offi ce. And I am appalled that you would begin a presidential de-bate on a topic like that,” Gingrich said. “Every per-son in here knows personal pain. Ev-ery person in here has had someone close to them go through painful things. To take an ex-wife and make it --two days before the primary -- a sig-nifi cant question in a presidential campaign is as close to despicable as anything I can imagine.” Considering I have no love for the liberally biased “drive-by” news media in how they go after conservatives with a vengeance every time someone is involved is some scandal and do their damnedest to bury any negative stories about Democrats I felt like joining the South Carolina voters as they cheered. “The story is false,” Gingrich went on. “Ev-ery personal friend I have who knew us in that period says the story was false. We offered several of them to ABC to prove it was false. They weren’t interested, because they would

like to attack any Republican. They’re attacking the gover-nor, they’re attacking me. I’m sure they’ll probably get around to Senator Santorum and Congressman Paul. I am tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by at-tacking Republicans.” That’s what South Carolina voters were fed up with when Gin-grich spoke and that’s the only reason why he won. This election is no longer about how many skeletons a candidate has in his closet. I don’t believe that has ever been the case. There is not a single president this country has elected who has not exhibited some sort of question-able moral fl aw that

upon fi nding out the supposed truth might have made one wonder why they voted for them in the fi rst place. I have no idea who I am going to vote for at this point. I probably won’t even make a deci-sion until Election Day this November. I will say this: As much as it pains me to say it, whoever it is I vote for my decision will be based on who I think can do the job as leader of the country and not so much on their negative past, despite my wish that there was someone out there who has some moral character to be president.

THE PERFECT CANDIDATE?

WarkaBrewed by: Browary Warka Sp. z o.o.ABV: 5.60This brew has Polish roots. It pours light amber in color with minimal head and not much lacing. Scents of grainy malt, bread, syrup fi ll the air. Upon your fi rst sip you’ll notice the crisp mouthfeel that is saved by a dry bitterness which helps to balance this beer. The texture is smooth but with little carbonation. Warka is very drinkable and is descent but won’t “wow” you in any way.

Brick House Mighty MightyWrapper: Havana SubidoBinder: NicaraguaFiller: NicaraguaStrength: Medium-Full BodiedThis stick is densely packed and fi rm with no soft spots. The fi rst notes are a bit peppery. The burn is even. The second third you’ll pick up on the sweet aroma and even sweeter taste. As the end of the smoke approaches the sweet notes are replaced by nutty fl avors. Overall the fl avors are easy to pick out and the fi nish is long and smooth.

Ice BombIngredients:2 oz UV Blue Raspberry Vodka2 oz Orange Vodka2 oz Vodka1 - 2 oz Sprite Soda

Mixing Instructions:Pour all liquors into a highball glass fi lled with ice cubes. Fill with Sprite and serve.

Photo Courtesy: DonkeyHotey

Name: Sybil Summers Team: 105.3 The FanStats: The sidekick of RAGE on 105.3 The Fan and quite possibly one of the coolest ladies to ever be known as “Hot”. Smart, down to earth, and gorgeous…Is it possible to be sexy on the radio? Lets play a game of Sybil Says.



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Date post:	28-Mar-2016
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