The Essential Five-Point Marriage Check Up

Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!The Essential Five-Point Marriage Check Up

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"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,whose confidence is in him.

He will be like a tree planted by the waterthat sends out its roots by the stream.It does not fear when heat comes;its leaves are always green.It has no worries in a year of droughtand never fails to bear fruit."and never fails to bear fruit."

The heart is deceitful above all thingsand beyond cure.Who can understand it?

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Blessed is the manwho does not walk in the counsel of the wickedor stand in the way of sinnersor sit in the seat of mockers.

But his delight is in the law of the LORD,and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water,He is like a tree planted by streams of water,which yields its fruit in seasonand whose leaf does not wither.Whatever he does prospers.

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Trusts in the LORDDelights in the law of the LORDOn his law meditates day and night

Leaves are always greenNever fails to bear fruitDoes not wither in the heat

Does not walk in the counsel of the wickedHeart is deceitful above all things

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Question: How do youknow the health of your marriage?

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marriage?

Brian Brian RhenRhen::•• Pastor•Marriage Coach•Married• Kids

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• Kids

The Bloom The Bloom FiveFive--Point Marriage Point Marriage

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FiveFive--Point Marriage Point Marriage Check UpCheck Up

What it takes to BLOOM!What it takes to BLOOM!The 5 key nutrients:The 5 key nutrients:

••Commit to LoveCommit to Love••Cherish & RespectCherish & Respect

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••Cherish & RespectCherish & Respect••Be Gracious & ForgiveBe Gracious & Forgive••Choose the Right WordsChoose the Right Words••Seek a Greater PurposeSeek a Greater Purpose

COMMIT To “sacrificial” LOVECOMMIT To “sacrificial” LOVE

DAILY

This is my command: Love (agape) each other. John 15:17

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YEARLY

SEASONALLY

COMMIT TO “sacrificial” LOVECOMMIT TO “sacrificial” LOVE

-WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT -QUALITY TIME -GIFTS

5 Love Languages

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-GIFTS-ACTS OF SERVICE -PHYSICAL TOUCH

CHECKUP QUESTION #1

How committed are you to love?

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you to love?

Committed to love?wife

complete

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Committed to love?

husband

completeroom to improve

room to improve

CHERISH & RESPECT CHERISH & RESPECT However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself,

and the wife must respect her husband. Eph. 5:33

with cherish

she he

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with respect

she responds

he responds

she reacts

he reacts

without respect

without cherish

CHECKUP QUESTION #2

What is the degree you feel cherished (wife) and

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cherished (wife) and respected (husband?)

Cherished and Respected?

wife

cherished

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Respected?

husband

respectedroom to improve

room to improve

BE GRACIOUS & FORGIVEBE GRACIOUS & FORGIVEBear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you

may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Colossians 3:13

Grace leaves space for

Forgivenessreleases

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space for error

“an attitude”

releases

“a process”

CHECKUP QUESTION #3

How capable are you of being gracious and of forgiving?

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gracious and of forgiving?

Gracious and Forgiving?

wife

complete

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husband

completeroom to improve

room to improve

CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSEveryone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

James 1:19

Argument REACTING the other

Destructive offensive, names, sarcasm, violent = scarring

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Disagreement REACTING issue

Harsh defensive, personalities arise = separating

Normal dialogue RESPONDING each other

Kind attentive, encouraging = supporting

CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCIRCUMSTANCE

EMOTIONS Hurt, Fear, Want, Joy

THOUGHTS

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Hurt, Fear, Want, Joy

3 sec.

with self REACT“FLESH”

with GodRESPOND “SPIRIT”

CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDS

REACT: “STAND OFF” REACT: “TELL OFF”

RESPOND

“GRACE

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REACT: “GIVE UP” REACT: “HOLD ON ”

“GRACE

&

TRUTH”

CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDS

REACT: “STAND OFF” REACT: “TELL OFF”

Listen

Clarify Thoughts

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REACT: “GIVE UP” REACT: “HOLD ON ”

Clarify Thoughts

Identify Feelings

Right Tone, Time, Words

Find Compromise

CHECKUP QUESTION #4

Are you using the right words in your communication?

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in your communication?

SEEK A GREATER PURPOSESEEK A GREATER PURPOSEThe LORD will fulfill his purpose for me. Psalm 138:8

People

seldom hit

what they

do not

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do not

aim at.”

Thoreau

SEEK A GREATER PURPOSESEEK A GREATER PURPOSE

•Marriage Purpose Statement•Marriage Verse•Values (being)

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me. Psalm 138:8

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•Values (being)•Goals (doing)•Dreams•Prayer

CHECKUP QUESTION #5

How purposeful is your marriage?

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your marriage?

BLOOM!

Where are you?

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Where are you?

FINAL CHECKUP FINAL CHECKUP Rank each on a scale of 1(weak) Rank each on a scale of 1(weak) -- 5(strong)5(strong)

___Commit to Love___Commit to Love___Cherish & Respect___Cherish & Respect

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___Cherish & Respect___Cherish & Respect___Be Gracious & Forgive___Be Gracious & Forgive___Choose the Right Words___Choose the Right Words___Seek a Greater Purpose___Seek a Greater Purpose

Do you want to grow in Do you want to grow in any of these five areas?any of these five areas?

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A 5-WEEK TUNE-UP FOR ANY MARRIAGE

Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!A 5-WEEK TUNE-UP FOR ANY MARRIAGE

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•• 55--weeksweeks of live webinars of live webinars (1 per week)•• 11--yearyear of group of group teletele--coaching coaching (1 per month)•• LifetimeLifetime access to recorded materials access to recorded materials (including updated materials)•• 55--weeks weeks of follow-up e-course (1 per •• 55--weeks weeks of follow-up e-course (1 per week)

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•• ConvenientConvenient –– take from home

•• RepeatableRepeatable –– review anytime

•• Normally Normally $625 for 5-weeks

•• Only Only $249 $249 for signing up today

•• < $50 < $50 per session per couple

•• 60 day 60 day moneymoney--backback guaranteeguarantee

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•• 15% 15% of proceeds donated

•• Vision Abolition Vision Abolition –– building homes and

providing care for girls in Fiji

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When is Bloom?When is Bloom?

5 Wednesdays

Time: 7:30 PM – 9:00 PST

Starts February 2, 2011Starts February 2, 2011

February 9, February 16

March 2, March 9

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Sign up todaySign up today

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