THE SURVIVAL

GUIDE

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A Girl’s Essential Guide to

Surviving the City:

I know it may not seem like there’s much more to working in the City

than there is to any other industry, but truth be told, there are a few

things a girl must know in order to keep herself sane. Allow me to

provide you with a few examples.

1. Watch your calorie intake. There is so much food floating around

on a daily basis, and none of it is particularly healthy. Once, I

declined barbeque ribs in lieu of salad and was told, “salad is what

food eats.” Like it or not, unless you are metabolically blessed,

eating the same food as the 6’4’’, 200 pound man sitting next to

you will not end well.

2. Keep an extra sweater in your drawer at all times. You never know

when you will have an emergency wardrobe malfunction: a

missed button, an unnoticed hole, or if someone spills coffee all

over your white shirt.

3. Always carry backup make-up, a hairbrush and even perfume in

your bag. Yes, that means you will probably be lugging around a

twenty pound bag with you everywhere you go, but you never know

when you’re going to be asked at the last minute to attend

something, and the make-up you applied twelve hours earlier has

long since melted away. A multitude of sins can be cured with

fresh eyeliner.

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4. Be careful who you give your mobile number to. If people have a

way of contacting you twenty-four hours a day, they probably will.

It’s important to be able to fall off the grid when you need to.

5. Don’t date a co-worker.

6. Don’t date a co-worker.

7. I repeat, don’t date a co-worker.

8. Be comfortable. Listen, not everyone is adept at walking in very

high heels. If you can’t do it, don’t, no matter what the current

fashion trend is. The worst thing imaginable would be to trip and

fall in the office because you roll your ankle. No one will let you

forget it.

9. Be able to laugh, mostly at yourself. You need to be able to take a

joke. If you are overly serious, you are going to be in for a rough

ride.

10. Have two alarm clocks. Set one to go off exactly ten minutes after

the first one and at the loudest decibel possible. Being late to

work is a serious offense. Plus, this way if you accidentally forget

to set one, the backup one has you covered.

11. Keep ibuprofen in your desk at all times. I found this item more

useful on more than one occasion than my actual computer.

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12. Don’t leave your phone lying around. If guys have easy access to

it when you aren’t there, you never know what new pictures will

end up on your camera.

13. Read the newspaper, or at least carry one. Perception is

everything. Even if you don’t know what the front page of the

paper said, carrying one will at least trick people into thinking

you are following current events.

14. Never tell anyone your biggest fears. If people know you hate

sharks, for the rest of your career they will somehow manage to

appear in stuffed animal form in your drawers, or become your

new screensaver. Don’t give anyone ammunition to torture you.

15. Respect your elders. The people who are senior are senior for a

reason. They know more than you, listen to them, and never

comment on the fact that their fly is down.

16. Follow sports. If you can comment on the latest football match

you will win instant bonus points with your male colleagues.

17. Keep your personal life to yourself. These guys are dealing with their

own wives and girlfriends at home. When they come to work, they

don’t want to hear your problems. Plus, they’re guys, so they don’t

have anything useful to say anyway.

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18. Stay away from the office letch. Every firm has one. Sure, he’s

charming, funny, and typically, good-looking, but he’s only going

to make your already difficult job harder for you. Avoid him like

the plague.

19. Make girlfriends at work. One or two is plenty. You will need each

other and no one will ever be able to understand the nature of

your days except other girls going through the same thing. My

girlfriends from work are invaluable.

20. Have fun. The City is a lot of things, but it’s a great place to work.

If you want to survive it, you better enjoy it.

Erin Duffy

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CITY

DATING 101

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City Dating 101

It has come to my attention that there are a lot of girls out there who

are struggling with the pitfalls of dating a guy who works in the City.

No worries, ladies. Consider me your mole. Class is in session.

There are a few things you need to know if you want to have a

relationship with a City guy. First and foremost, DON’T call him at the

office eight times a day. It makes his co-workers think he’s under the

thumb and opens him up to inhumane ridicule. Never, ever do this.

Put it right up there on the list with running with scissors and playing

in traffic. On the rare occasion that you are actually able to get your

boyfriend on the phone during the day, don’t be offended if he hangs

up on you mid-sentence. No, he’s not mad at you; simply put, he had

another phone call that was more important than yours, (one that pays

him). Poor phone habits are a by-product of the job. The sooner you

accept them, the better.

Next up: be prepared for a lot of alone time. When your boyfriend

apologizes for missing your mother’s birthday on a Sunday because he

has to go to a golf outing for work, he’s telling the truth. Sure, no one

likes coming in second to a putting green, but you need to understand

that mandatory sporting events are a part of the job description.

This lesson is a particularly hard one for girls to understand. You can’t

be surprised if your boyfriend goes to every nice restaurant in the city

during the week without you, and then on Friday wants to sit on the

couch and order in pizza. I know it’s not fair. You have been waiting

patiently all week for the work obligations to end, and now he’s too

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tired to put on trousers? The short answer is, yes. As a male friend of

mine so perfectly put it, “I leave everything on the field during the

week. I’m not moving off my couch on a Friday for anything less than

my apartment catching fire.”

Lastly, City guys have multi-tasking down to an art form. If you are

talking to your boyfriend and he’s simultaneously checking his iPad,

writing a text message and reading an email all the while assuring you

he is listening to your every word, he probably is. Our brains have been

reconditioned to absorb information from ten different sources at

once. This should be good news. You aren’t being ignored nearly as

much as you think you are.

If you find yourself dating a City guy, and remember these rules, you

will be much better off. Believe me, he will love you all the more for it.

Class dismissed.

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