By: Galman, Jalene C.

Introduction :

Breakups can be so hard, and they can be amicable; no matter what, no one really wants to go through them.

The loss of your relationship can bring on intense heartache and stress. But

if you're looking for some help getting through it and want some suggestions about how to make it a little easier,

CHAPTER 1 :How to Get Over a Break Up ?

read on

Steps :

Think througheverything thoroughly, but not obsessively.

Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. Even if it sometimes seems as if there wasn't a good reason, there certainly was one - and probably more than one. Understand that you enjoyed being together for a while, but if the relationship was not what both you and your partner wanted for life, it would have ended eventually, no matter what.

In this case, better sooner than later. Thinking about the reasons why it ended can make it much clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but just one discordant person is enough to end it.

Steps :

Don't rethink your

decision. If the breakup was your

decision, keep in mind that only thinking about all the good times you had with your partner may cause you to forget the reasons why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second-guess the situation if the decision to end things was not yours.

It's very common to romanticize the good parts of the relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts weren't so bad after all, that maybe you could just live with them. Or that maybe if your ex would know just how you feel, he/she wouldn't want to break up after all.

Don't play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and work on moving forward.

Keep your space. Even

if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, break away completely from each other right after the breakup. This means not seeing each other, not being around his/her family members,

Steps :

no phone calls, no e-mails, no text messages, no Facebook, and no IMs - not necessarily as a permanent measure, but until you feel that you can converse with him/her on a purely platonic level, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive).

Steps :

Cope with the pain

appropriately.

It's okay to feel like you

have messed up -

accepting responsibility f

or your mistakes or

shortcomings is healthy.

On the other hand, you must also accept that you are a good person, and that you did your best and you're not the only one who made mistakes.

Of course, a stage of denial is completely

natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to

start moving on.

Steps :

Deal with the hate phase.

Steps :

Talk to your friends.You want people around you who love you and who will help you feel good about yourself. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile person, and you'll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net.

Steps :

Write all your feelings down.

Write in a journal or try writing poems. The most important thing is to be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring it all out onto paper.

No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be.

Steps :

Make a list of reminders.One of the best tricks to help you

stick to your resolve is to make a list of all the reasons your ex was not the one for you. Be ruthless and clear––this is not the time to be forgiving.

What you're doing is creating a picture for yourself that will call up an emotional response when you feel tempted to think that "maybe if you just did this or that, it would work out..." Write down what happened and how it made you feel, being clear about the things you never want to feel again.

Out with the old,

in with the new. A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning and organizing your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The

added bonus is that

keeping busy with tidying

your space doesn't require

a lot of brain power, but

does require just enough

focus to keep you from

recycling pain.

Remove memory

triggers.There are all kinds of things that remind you of your ex––a song, a smell, a sound, a place. Once the grieving period has had some time to process, don't dwell on painful feelings or memories.

Try walking around each

room in your house with a box and

removing things that make your

heart ache or your stomach turn.

Find happiness in other

areas of your life.Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, signing up for that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that a relationship is one part of life, but even when you are in one, there are personal pleasures that you can always enjoy on your own. Indulge in those things now.

Steps :

Stay active.Exercise improves your mood and alleviates depression, and the distraction will help keep your mind off your situation. Go running outside, visit (or join) the gym, or just go for a walk, maybe with a friend, and think of releasing the anger or sadness with every step. If you don't exercise regularly, here are some ways to motivate yourself to work out.

Let go of the negative

emotions. Understand that there

is no benefit in holding on to

heartache, regret, and hatred toward

another person. Realize that although

it is over, your relationship with that

person was unique and special in a lot

of ways. You can congratulate

yourself for being brave enough to

take a risk and fall in love, and

encourage your heart that even

though love didn't work out this time,

there will be a next time.

Steps :

Not necessarily all negative, but the

"turn-offs" of that person. For example,

the less attractive you find them, the

quicker you'll get over them. Your

mentality has to strictly be all bad

characteristics about this person,

without sounding hateful, or "hating" on

this person. (Ex. his/her hair always had

a funny smell to it, he/she never

brushed his teeth, he/she never bought

anything for my birthday, he/she had

the ugliest smile I've ever seen, he/she

had the most annoying laugh, ETC).

Remind yourself of the negative things.

CHAPTER 2:

Let Take A Quiz !

True

False

Let Take A Quiz !

Oops! That's incorrect.

Avoid focusing on pleasant

memories of your

relationship. The last thing

you want to do is waver after

you've had the courage to

confront your breakup.

Let Take A Quiz !

Correct! Well done.

Avoid focusing on pleasant

memories of your

relationship. The last thing

you want to do is waver after

you've had the courage to

confront your breakup.

Let Take A Quiz !

Smart

Unwise

Let Take A Quiz !

Oops! That's incorrect.

Cutting off contact is smart.

You need to give yourself

every chance to move on,

and your ex deserves the

same. Stay strong.

Let Take A Quiz !

Correct! Well done.

Cutting off contact is smart.

You need to give yourself

every chance to move on,

and your ex deserves the

same. Stay strong.

Let Take A Quiz !

Pop it in the mail

Keep it for yourself

Let Take A Quiz !

Oops! That's incorrect.

Keep the heartfelt letter for

yourself. After all, you

probably wrote it to help sort

out your feelings and provide

some level of comfort. Plus,

the act of writing the letter is

much more satisfying than

the act of sending it.

Let Take A Quiz !

Correct! Well done.

Keep the heartfelt letter for

yourself. After all, you

probably wrote it to help sort

out your feelings and provide

some level of comfort. Plus,

the act of writing the letter is

much more satisfying than

the act of sending it.

Congratulations !

CHAPTER 3:10 Lies People Will Tell You After A Breakup

1. “It has nothing to do with you.”

2. “You’re better off without them.”

It’s an unfortunate reality that many

people who are dumped, despite

being utterly broken up over the whole

ordeal, were unwittingly the cause of

things not working out.

There is no need to qualify people as being “better” or “worse” in the context of a relationship every time there is a breakup. Sure, there are going to come obvious times when someone has escaped from a situation that was hurtful or damaging, but that doesn’t meant that every time a relationship comes to an end, you are automatically better for being single.

3. “They’ll never find someone as

good as you.” It’s a very hard thing to hear, but

someone who isn’t like you may

be exactly what your recent ex needs,

and they may be better than you —

not in some objective, ultimate way,

but for your ex.

4. “The new

person] is a

bitch/loser/as

shole.”

Especially when a breakup stems from someone finding someone else, the temptation to demonize the new person who came between the two of you is extremely high.

5. “You’ll find someone

again soon.”

You might not find someone soon. In

fact, you could go years without

meeting someone with whom you

want to be in any serious way.

6. “There’s nothing you

could have done.”What if you did do something wrong? What if you were neglectful, or

harsh, or disingenuous, or cold? What if you truly hurt them? It’s

possible that you had absolutely no fault in the breakup, but there is

also a high chance that you did something at some point that

contributed to things ending.

7. “You just need to get out

there!”

There is going to come a

time when people —

likely your well-meaning

friends — will encourage

you to just “get out

there.”

8. “They are going to

regret this.”

They might not

regret it at all.

9. “Now you get to enjoy

the single life!”

If you go through

a period in which

you find it

difficult to enjoy

being alone and

getting used to

doing things by

yourself, there is

no reason to feel

like you’re some

terrible hermit

who should be

locked in a bell

tower.

10. “You’ll forget all

about this one day.”

There are some people that you’re simply not going to forget. You will always think of the person they were, the person you were when you were with them, and everything you created between the two of you.

By: Galman, Jalene C.