Break Up Free Chapter

7/31/2019 Break Up Free Chapter

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First Published in Great Britain in 2008 by

The Relationship Gym Ltd.

Palladium House,1-4 Argyll Street, London W1F 7LD

[email protected]

2008-2012 The Relationship Gym Ltd.

Names, characters and related indicia are copyright and trademarked

2008-2012 The Relationship Gym Ltd.

Michael Myerscough has asserted his moral rights

to be identified as the author

All rights reserved; no part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted by any

means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise without the written

permission of the publisher.
mailto:[email protected]:[email protected]


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A Word From The Author page 4

A Word From The Author

Over my years of coaching its become clear that some people experience muchmore heartache and pain than others. There are people who just get up and carry

on with their lives, following a break up, and there are those that just cant. I know

through personal experience that in the worst cases people take their own lives and I

really hate that, its such a waste. I know that it is possible to get so lost in grief that you

may forget how good life can be. It doesnt matter if you were abandoned by your love

or ended a painful relationship yourself, your pain is real! I see it as my mission to get

your head back above water as soon as possible as I do not want you to be one of

those lost souls that die of a broken heart.

Ive been where you are, I know your pain and Im truly sorry youre stuck in it

right now. I know that words cannot capture the misery that is your life at the moment,

but please let me reassure you from the bottom of my heart - one day youll look back

on this, shake your head and wonder what all the fuss was about. Im going to ask you

to dare to believe that no matter how real the end of your life is feeling now, you will

come around. Please trust that you will be feeling better very soon. I can teach you

how to become one of those people who just gets up, dusts themselves off and gets on

with living again.

As you read through this programme, please be reassured that all the names and

some of the details of their stories have been changed to protect confidentiality.

I wrote this program because its been screaming at me to write it for years. The

heartbreak section on our website is one of the smallest parts but it gets the most traffic

by far. Writing isnt the easiest thing in the world for me to do. This is born out of a

desire in me to ease suffering in the world and I sincerely hope that youll do the work I

outline here so you can be free of your pain.

My wish for you is that by the end of this program the following blessing will be true for

you.

May you be happy, may you be well and may you be safe.

May you be peaceful and at ease.


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Contents page 5

Contents

Disclaimer ................................................................................................................. 3A Word From The Author .......................................................................................... 4

Contents ....................................................................................................................... 5Step One ...................................................................................................................... 6

Remembering You Are Not Alone! ............................................................................ 6A gentle reminder .................................................................................................... 12

The Rest of the Book

Step Two - Getting The Support You Need! ............................................................ 13 Step Three - Making Time To Say Goodbye............................................................ 26Step Four - Feeling Those Feelings ........................................................................ 36Step Five - Removing The Painful Reminders ......................................................... 49Step Six - Moving Out Of Misery ............................................................................. 56Step Seven - Turning Defeat Into Victory ................................................................ 61Step Eight - Building Bombproof Boundaries ........................................................... 73Step Nine - Raising The Titanic ............................................................................... 79Step Ten - Celebrating Your Changes ..................................................................... 86


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Step 1 Remembering You Are Not Alone page 6

Step One

Remembering You Are Not Alone!

Hello, let me say right up front that Im sorry youre in so much pain right now.

Whatever words we use about whats going on for you right now, its very unlikely well

begin to even touch the reality of how bad you feel. Im writing this for you because

I want you to feel better as fast as possible . I really dont want you to feel so low

a moment longer than absolutely necessary. The great news is that you dont have

to feel bad for very much longer, as youve started the process of getting yourself back

to full strength by purchasing this programme.

I work with heartbreak

Karens story is not unusual for me; I work with heartbreak, and yes, I did fix her

broken heart. By the end of our first session, she was feeling much better about how

bad she felt. The pain didnt instantly disappear, thats just not possible, but she at least

knew why it hurt so much and how she could start recovering her sunnier side again.

Karens Story

Karen called me having been referred by a therapist friend of mine; she was having

a hard time getting her words out as she was sobbing so hard. Through the tears

she told me that she was very scared and felt more alone that shed ever felt. Her

marriage had just come to an end. Her life felt very dark and she didnt recognise

herself. She couldnt eat and was having a hard time sleeping. It was worse

because she really couldnt see an end to it; shed been in pain like this for a

couple of weeks now and as far as she was convinced she wasnt going to make it

through another day. Karen felt like she could no longer talk to her friends about

her pain, fearing shed burned up all her credit with them having the same sad

conversations for the past two weeks. Shed tried drinking herself to sleep on the

worst nights but even that didnt work because her dreams would torture her.

There was just no escape:

I hear you fix broken hearts, please can you fix mine,

its been smashed into a million pieces? she sobbed.


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At its worst, heartbreak feels literally as if your tender, beating heart has been

broken, shattered or maybe even ripped from your chest. It can feel like a very

lonely place, but Im here to tell you yourenot alone and youre going to get through

this intact so long as you can avoid doing anything stupid. Heartbreak is a horrible

kind of pain; its a lot like a really bad toothache. If youve got a toothache, its all you

can think of. Its in your head and eats at you, but no one else can see it. To the rest of

the world, you can easily appear normal, but right now a little love and sympathywouldnt go amiss. If it was a broken arm or leg in plaster, it would probably hurt a

whole lot less and people would make a much bigger fuss of you. Hardly seems fair,

does it?

In my experience, heartbreak only gets really overwhelming when you feel alone

with it. You are not alone.Im going to teach you how to reach out for the kind of help

you need, and Im going to teach you how to soothe your heart in a way that is healthy.

This programme contains all the tools which I have successfully used with many clients

to fast-track their recovery, and to help them get over heartbreak. The solution is in

sight, and hopefully, you can breathe a little easier knowing its about to get better.

You are not alone!

Truthfully, the world is full of heartbreak, literally full of it. Pretty much everyone is

loved by someone at some point. We are human beings and humans are relationship-

seeking animals. Our need to be loved is only surpassed by our need to love. So

your heart is broken, but let me put that into perspective for you. According to the

World Health Organisation, some 56 Million deaths occur each year around the world.

That works out at about 153,400 deaths per day or a little over 100 every minute. Take

a moment to think about that, lets say that 50% of those dying have been lucky

enough to have had the love youve had. Thats a huge amount of hurt and pain going

on, every minute of every day all over the world. You are not alone!

I've worked with people that felt that surviving their heart break was impossible. They

were unable to foresee a time when the pain would disappear. The truth is that it

doesn't just disappear. The pain leaves you a little day by day, week by week and at its

worst, month by month. But one day, you will wake up and realise you're having more

good days than bad days, and you know you're on the way to healing your broken

heart.

So youre heartbroken, its a powerful word,but

its just a Word


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Ive had a few pages about surviving heartbreak up on my website for many years now,

and they are without question the most popular and well read pages Ive written. I get

emails from very grateful people who say that it got them through one particularly nasty

night, and I know exactly what they mean, as do you. I wrote those pages right afterIsurvived a hugely painful breakup with someone I was totally convinced would

be the love of my life.

Whilst it may be difficult to find the good in what you are experiencing right now I think

that were lucky if weve experienced heartbreak. I say lucky because at least you

know how to love deeply, meaning that you can do it again. Just not right now, and

hopefully with someone who will value your love at the depth you deserve.

Let me share a story I tell my clients, it comes from a show called The West Wing,

a very popular political drama in its time, which was written by Aaron Sorkin. Leo, who

is one of my favourite characters ever, is talking to Josh whos got himself into a bit of

trouble.

You may have noticed that a lot of self-help books begin with several chapters telling

you that youve got a problem and how the author is qualified to help you. Well, Ill take

it as a given that you understand youve got a problem, and hopefully, Ill resist banging

on about how brilliant I am at what I do. Right now, your only concern is feeling better

fast. Ive edited this right down to the bare bones of what you must know in order for

this process to work as quickly as possible. You dont really want to know about me;

you need to know about you! Im going to assume youve checked out my website and

testimonials and know youre in safe hands, or you wouldnt have invested so much in

this solution. I designed this as a workbook to get you out of the hole youve fallen into

A Special Story

This guy is walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep

that he can't get out. A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up: 'Hey, can you

help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down the hole and moves

on. Then a Priest comes along and the guy shouts up 'Father! I'm down in his

hole. Can you help me out? The Priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the

hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. 'Hey Joe! It's me. Can you help me

out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says 'Are you stupid? Now we're

both down here. The friend says 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know

the way out.


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just as fast as possible. So lets just get right down to the business of getting you out of

the misery youre feeling right now.

None of my writing is ever theoretical. If Im willing to put it down on paper and put my

name to it, you can be sure Ive experienced it and thoroughly explored it. I think

heartbreak is an almost universal experience. If youve ever dared to love anyone, then

the chances are that youre going to get heartbroken at some point. Loving someone

and being loved back is the one thing we all crave. Its imprinted deep into our nature.

Its also a risk because you may well lose them. Lets face it, it happens. Its certainly

happened to me, and heres the brief version of my biggest heartbreak. I share this

piece of my history only so you know Ive been there, too.

My Story

I got into a relationship with a woman Ill call Maria. She really was the full

package as far as I was concerned. I was wild about her, and she appeared to be

wild about me. The truth is that my time with Maria was a total nightmare from

beginning to end and for a lot of reasons, that there isnt time to explain. I fell for

her with wild abandon. I basically handed her my heart and proclaimed that it was

hers forever, and Id do whatever it took to make our love work . Maria was an

actress and model, she was also a good deal younger than me, and I really should

have known better. One of the first things she ever said to me was that she was

terrible at relationships, and they never lasted. I, being a fledgling relationship

coach, thought I had the necessary tools and skills for both of us. Lets just say that

this was a serious error of judgement, and it all went horribly wrong.

When Id eventually had enough of her ambivalence and decided to end it, I really

came undone. Suddenly, I became one of those poor wretches that counted the

minutes, wondering if the pain would ever pass. I would look at the sofa where we

used cuddle and see a great big hole that mirrored the emptiness in my guts. I

couldnt get to sleep because I was so miserable, and when I did sleep, I dreamt of

Maria. For a while, it felt absolutely relentless. Id wake up at 4 a.m. in the morning

to begin a long day of obsessive thinking about what Maria might be doing or how I

could have behaved better, so I wouldnt have lost her.

Id had relationships end before and thought I was heartbroken when they failed to

work out, but this was grief on a wholly different scale. It seemed never-ending.

Given youve bought this programme; I think its important that you know I really do

understand how you feel right now. Ive been where you are now.


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As a result of this experience, I promised myself that Id become an expert on

getting people over that kind of pain as fast as possible. I know people regularly

kill themselves due to heartbreak. Some even go as far as killing whole families due to

their pain. This programme is the result of my desire to make a contribution and easesuffering in the world. Im going to help you get your perspective back because even in

the depths of your misery, I suspect you understand that youre not being entirely

rational right now.

You will love again

Ive worked with clients and had enough of my own experiences to know the symptoms

can vary widely, but generally there is a deep sense of suffering. You may find

yourself lying face down on the carpet, crying uncontrollably - unable to see how youre

going to carry on. You could find yourselfstruggling to take the next breath, havingbrief fantasies about how death or even murder would be preferable to suffering this

pain a moment longer. Or you may feel that the bottomless feeling of emptiness and

loneliness or even living in fear of going places you used to go together because that

would only make it feel worse. I absolutely know how convincing the pain you are in is

truly I do. But, Im going to ask you to dig deep and understand that no matter how

real the end of your life feels right now, you will come around, and dare I say it

you will love again. I know that hurts to even think about right now, but Im serious.

As a result of losing your love, youre suddenly missing some very important hormones

in your system and it leaves you a little (or in some cases) very crazy. This hormonal

imbalance, which Ill explain in step two is a physical reality, there is a solid reason

youre feeling so terrible right now.

I hate to say it, but the only way out is through, and Im going to work with you in such a

way that you dont get mired in your grief for any extended periods. Were going to

maintain an intelligent balance between grieving what youve lost and beginning to

think about how youre going to get on with your life whilst going through the process of

letting go of your loved one. Youve experienced a death here; your pain isnt

necessarily all about you and your Ex. Theres a third entity that we could call your

relationship or your dreams. That piece of your life has died, and its painful. This is

why it can be just as painful for the one doing the leaving. All those dreams you

dreamed of together have died. Of course, youre in pain. If you werent, Id wonder

about your emotional health.

Without being overly dramatic, I want to address the potential for suicidal

thoughts outright. If you really are feeling like you want to kill yourself, then you

need to get professional help right now. That is not tomorrow or next week, that is

right now! Im serious. If youre thinking about killing yourself, you need serious

support,and you need it now

.


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In the UK, we have the Samaritans and they can be very good at being your friend in a

pinch (you need to figure out what you have available in your own country). The best

news is that they are always there. Those tricky hours when it feels like the rest of

the world is asleep, theres someone waiting for your call thats a much better choicethan your Ex. If you manage to get someone who seems unhelpful, just put the phone

down and call up again, youll get someone different. There is absolutely no shame in

admitting youre not coping. Im friends with several of their counsellors and they are

brilliant at listening without judgement. Wherever in the world you are, Id encourage

you to look into finding the support you need, just as fast as you can get it.

Ill talk more about this later, but let me say that Im a huge fan of better living through

pharmacology. We have come a long way when it comes to prescribing anti-

depressants that actually do the trick and dont leave you drooling, acting stoned or

addicted. This phase ofwithdrawing and grieving the loss of your love will only lastso long. It doesnt have to be agony. If life is feeling unliveable even after youve

done the feeling reduction work in Step Five, then getting some meds is an excellent

choice. I recently had a root canal done. Later that day it really started to ache. There

was a time when I would have stoically suffered my way through and had a bad nights

sleep, but not anymore. I took a couple of sensibly priced pain killers, and my life was

perfect again. But dont throw this book away and start demanding a refund quite yet - I

didnt say you hadto go on medication. There are other fantastic options too of course,

mood can also be managed with exercise and nutrition which Ill talk about later. I

would just like you to know its no longer such a bad choice. Just work your way

through this programme, and lets see how you feel in a day or two.

Lets get to work

So, thats my introduction!Its time to get on with putting you to work. As I said, I

know youre looking for solutions that break this cycle of feeling bad, not just

stuff to read to make the book a little thicker. Skim through the steps first to

give you an overview of the process ahead of you in dealing with your

relationship break-up. Then youll have a sense of exactly where you want to

begin. You need to decide whether to get on with reading from the beginning, or

get straight into some of the feeling reduction type exercises in Step Five, or get

on with the grieving in Step Four.

Let me take you through the same programme that Ive taken hundreds of people

through. I might not be able to work with you in person, but well be doing exactly the

same exercises and so long as you do the work, you will get the results. Feeling

better is just around the corner. I cant force you to do the exercises, but if its in

the programme, its because its brilliant. I wouldnt waste your time or mine with

anything less. I really wish I could be there for you in person, and I hope youve got

someone great holding your hand through this time. Worst case scenario, there aresome video clips which are linked to this programme so Ill see you there. You are not

alone!


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A gentle reminder page 12

A gentle reminder

I just want to repeat that Im sorry youre in so much pain right now. Time and again in

my work with clients its clear to me that whatever words we use about whats going on

for you right now, its very unlikely well even begin to touch on the reality of how bad

you really feel. The great news is that you dont have to feel bad for very much longer.

Youve started the process of getting yourself back to full strength by reading this first

step.

Im sad to say that there is no magic wand I can wave to heal your heart. I can only

show you how to do it. There are some things you have to know and some things you

really must do. I can guarantee to ease your pain because Ive seen it happen time and

time again over the years. All my heartbroken clients who faithfully do their part feel

better fast.

However, if you approach this right there is so much more on offer than feeling better.

Handled properly this heartbreak is going to allow you to understand where you went

wrong and youll come back better and stronger. From that place you can then make a

healthy decision about what to do with your ex.

Remember you can get and read How To Get Over A Break Up! without risking a

cent. If youre not absolutely convinced that putting the knowledge and exercises into

practice will help you, I will refund every cent of your purchase. No questions asked, no

quibbling.

I hope you feel better soon, I know the place youre in; I know it can feel unbearable

and Id like to dig you out of that hole as fast as possible. Take good care of yourself;

you dont deserve the pain youre in. As I said at the beginning, if you do this right, you

will be OK.

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