Dating With Dignity
Breaking Free From Your Romantic Rut Fusce mollis tempus felis.
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Vocabulary
Energy: Energy is the potential people have for success in life. However, humans don’t always put out the
same amount of energy as this potential. Our energy can be understood as our potential output, which is our
latent energy. This is based on our level of awareness about this potential.
Anabolic Energy: This type of energy is constructive. Anabolic leaders have the ability to motivate and
inspire themselves.
Catabolic Energy: Catabolic energy is destructive, and is activated when the mind perceives a threat. It can
cannibalize and break down our entire system.
Exercise: Write three intentions for this 8-week workshop.
Intention: An intention is the message you give about yourself about what you are PLANNING on doing. It is how much and what type of energy you have for a particular goal or task.
Session 1: Identifying Your Energetic Self Perception and Working Through Your “L.A.I.C.S”
Exercise: Self Doubts
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Like attracts like, and we each attract and create our world. You are the artists, and your life is a blank canvas. Whatever we put attention to will expand and thus, we have the choice to live our life by DESIGN or DEFAULT. The Core Energy Coach client learns to look at the world as an abundant place with enough resources for all.
Dating Manifesto #1: Energy Attracts Like Energy
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F.A.C.T is False Acceptance of Certain Truths.
Dating Manifesto #2: Know the difference between Truth and True.
Limiting Beliefs
Write some limiting beliefs about you, the people around you, your relationships and
dating:
L.A.I.C.S
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Assumptions:
Interpretations:
Committee of Demons:
“It’s not what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are not.”
~Denis Waitley
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A specific formula to help when your buttons are pushed:
S.B.A.
1. Stop
2. Breath
3. ASK
SKILL: Button Pushing
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What is a mistake I have made in dating? What is the lesson I have learned from this experience?
Dating Manifesto #3: There are no mistakes!
Where do you live, most of the time?
Level 1: Victim
Level 2: The other person is WRONG
Level 3: Taking responsibility
Level 4: Helping others, cooperation and compromise
Level 5: Acceptance/Less judgments
Level 6: Joy and wisdom
Level 7: No judgments, living from authentic self
Energetic Self Perception Chart
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It is easier to change a behavior, if you are aware it is happening.
Coach Directed: Keep a Judgment Journal
To find out how often you are falling into the trap of labeling people, experiences, behaviors—what you have—
as either “good” or “bad,” start a two-column journal.
In the left column, write any positive judgments you make during the day. In the right column, write any of the
negative ones. Pay attention to the variants of “good” and “bad” that you have such as “hard-working,” “lazy,”
“right,” or “wrong.” Just observe your own thoughts and any time you notice that you are either praising or
ridiculing someone, make a quick note in your journal.
Individual Empowerment:
What is my weekly goal?
For my homework this week I will:
Homework: Week 1
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There is no such think as “getting it right.” We exist in an upward spiral, growing as we move through new phases of
our life. As a result, achieving one specific “goal” does not signify the end of our journey. In fact, while goals can be
motivating, the real challenge is to live in the moment, in present time. Thus, success is the realization that the most
enlightened, self-nurturing goal is to enjoy the process of life itself.
Each moment describes who you are, and gives you the opportunity to decide if that’s who you want to be.
Session 2: Exploring New Ways of Thinking
Beginning the Journey
My Vision:
“Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing.” ~Helen Keller
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As we become empowered and live authentically, it becomes clear we must make choices that are in harmony with our beliefs, values and vision. It is from this space that we learn to date with dignity.
Dating Manifesto #4: The greatest freedom is the power of choice.
In each moment, choose how you want to experience life. How can you choose to live a life
that is not directed by the inner critic, (the L.A.I.C.s), but by love of self?
“We have thoughts, feelings and emotions, but we are NOT our thoughts, feelings and emotions.”
~Frances Vaughn
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Your Hamster Wheel.
Draw one Vicious Cycle, labeling each phase of the cycle.
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Dating with Dignity Tool #1: The Dating Fast
The Dating Fast allows us to recover from the vicious
cycles of the past. It allows us to heal, reflect, and research,
which leads to self-renewal and manifestation of anabolic
energy.
My thoughts a feelings in regard to the Dating Fast:
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Coach Directed:
1. Write out 2-4 vicious cycles that keep you stuck in romantic ruts.
2. Make a list of all the NEW limiting beliefs, assumptions and inner-critic messages you uncover through
completing the vicious cycle assignment.
Individual Empowerment:
What is my weekly goal?
For my homework this week I will:
Homework: Week 2
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Role True Self shines True Self hides
Who is “my who?”
Session 3: Who am I, and what are my needs?
Who are you being, now?
The various aspects of your world are reflections of who you are being. Look at the different
roles you play in your life. Perhaps you are a spouse, a parent, a volunteer, a worker, a
sibling, or a friend. List the roles you play in the first column below.
Dating with Dignity Tool #2: Creating Your “Who”
This is the phase of the 10-step process in which you
begin to discover your authentic self.
Often, we don’t let our “true” Selves shine. For each role above, indicate whether you let your true
Self shine or not.
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For the roles in which your True Self shines:
How can you be even more of your true self in
these roles?
For the roles in which your True Self hides:
What aspects of the role hold you back from
being your true self?
What changes can you make to shift how you
are being in these roles to move closer to your
potential?
What is one specific thing you can do to make one of the changes you identified? Write it below, and commit to doing it this week. Record the result of your change in your journal
This week…
I am calling my “who” by this name:
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Strategies I can use to connect to my “who”:
Your Personal “Who” Training Program 1. Start each day by acknowledging three things for which you are grateful. Train yourself to focus on your
blessings each morning and your list will grow.
2. Check in with your “who,” and ask it to lead you throughout the day.
3. Ask for a “who-directed” intention each day.
4. Live your day from “who,” re-connecting when necessary.
5. End each day acknowledging your “who,” and acknowledging three things for which you are grateful.
6. Other things I can do to customize my “who” workout program:
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Dating with Dignity Tool #3: Choose to live your life by design, not by default
Be + Do = Have Who + How = Result
Some guidelines for Creating the Life You Love: 1. Outward actions are driven by your “who.
2. Select other players with intension.
3. Establish new expectations.
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Coach Directed:
1. You will receive an audio download called Deep Centering Technique. Listen to it 2-3 times during the
week. Also, you will receive an MP3 of Reverse Visioning. Listen to it and record your thoughts.
2. Make a list of all the NEW limiting beliefs, assumptions and inner-critic messages you uncover through
completing the vicious cycle assignment.
3. Complete DBA Exercise below.
Individual Empowerment:
What is my weekly goal?
For my homework this week I will:
Homework: Week 3
D.B.A Worksheet. Desire: What specifically do I truly want?
My Desire Statement:
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Belief: I believe I can have what I desire.
The following blocks are holding me back from
believing that I can have what I desire:
Where did these blocks come from? How can I
break through them?
My Belief Statement
Create a positive statement using a belief that
works to assist you in reaching your goal.
Acceptance: I believe that I already have that
which I desire. This is my plan to BE the change
I desire and believe.
My Acceptance Statement
Create this statement as if the goal is already a
reality. For example, “I access a part of me that
knows the truth, and I listen to it carefully.”
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My Vision:
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My Vision:
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My Vision:
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My Vision:
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Session 4: Begin to Identify Your Relationship Goals
“People either have or need the things they feel are important to them, and most forget that having or needing is a perception which comes from within.”
~Bruce Schneider, Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching
My Vision:
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Dating with Dignity Tool #4: Identify Your Relationship Goals
Identifying your relationship goals enables you to become intentional about what kind of
relationships you want to create in your life. In doing so, you can ensure that your
dignity is always in tact.
“When human love relationships fail (relationships never truly fail, except in the strictly human sense that they did not produce what you want}, they fail because they were entered into for the wrong reasons.” The question is then, what is the right reason? To help you answer this question, you must understand how society
impacts your image of “perfect,” or even an acceptable relationship. But these standards are not always congruent
with what is TRUE for YOU. Your authentic self needs all types of relationships to grow. Each and every type of
relationship offers this opportunity.
STEP 1: Identify where you are in the cycle of change.
a. Toss in:
b. Shuffle:
c. Deal:
d. Playing the game:
STEP 2: State an Intention
My Relationship Goal NOW is:
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Step 3: Words (Thoughts and Feelings) MUST Match Actions (Behaviors)
Saying yes—Saying no
By Saying YES To:
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I Am Saying NO To:
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By Saying NO To:
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I Am Saying YES To:
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The Pain/Gain Model Of Action.
CURRENT
FUTURE
What is missing from the current situation and why is that desired and important?
How does the client benefit from the current situation?
What costs have to be paid in order to make the change?
What are the benefits for the desired change and why are they important?
1 2
3 4
The pain/gain model is a powerful decision making tool to use when you are struggling with making the sacrifices
necessary to achieve your long term goals. In using it we explore four factors—the current and future pain and gain.
The key to success for this tool is to clearly state the current situation and what would be the change. Be careful not
to put negatives in the future situation—because we don’t want bias, it is important to always state the future in the
positive. For example: For deciding whether or not to continue dating “bad boys”:
Current=Continue to date “bad boys”
Future=Date men who are
Fill out the boxes in the following order—1,4,2,3.
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Coach Directed:
1. Complete chart.
Individual Empowerment:
What is my weekly goal?
For my homework this week I will:
Homework: Week 4
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Session 5: Choosing who I want through understanding who I am.
Dating with Dignity Tool #5: Create negotiables and non-negotiables list.
“Relationship is an art. The dream that two create is more difficult to master than one. To keep the two of you happy, you have to keep your half perfect.”
~Don Miguel Ruiz—The Mastery of Love
To understand and become aware of what we truly want from relationship, we must identify those values we hold important. We must be certain that our values determine our actions and behaviors. We may not be clear about what we value, but the choices we make are dependent on what we feel is most important to us. In other words, all decision-making is based on VALUES CLARIFICATION.
Step 1: Imagine or picture a relationship you admire. Write a list of those things that you admire most about this relationship:
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Step 2: Now, create a list of YOUR values using the attached list as a resource:
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Step 3: From this list of values, what are those things you desire in a partner? Create
a free-flowing list of attributes based on the lists of values you created in steps 1 and
2 above:
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Step 4: Go through the list and circle those attributes that are NON-NEGOTIABLE.
Step 5: In order to achieve success, date with an open mind, and honor your boundaries, it is important to narrow down the list so that it includes only 3-5 non-negotiables.
This is my current list of non-negotiables, meaning I will NOT date men who do not meet this criterion. I will “data date” with intention to appropriately discover if a potential partner meets these NN’s within the first 3-4 dates.
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Dating with Dignity Tool #6: Feeling comfortable with expectations.
Ditching the “cool girl” mentality is paramount to
dating with intention. You must become comfortable with
having boundaries and expectations. In addition,
practice stating your needs and expectations when they are not
met.
“Spiritual maturity is an acceptance of life in relationship.”
~Jack Kornfield
Some Guidelines:
1. Words and actions must match.
2. “The benefit of the doubt.” What has he “earned?”
3. If your expectations are not met, POLITELY explain this is not where you are in your life. Move on.
4. Use your tools—meditation, breathe. Check if you are beginning to engage in a vicious cycle.
5. Listen to your authentic self. Begin to TRUST your judgment.
6. Do not wait if you hear your TRUTH. Act now. Create space for someone new.
These are my NEW expectations for someone I might date:
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Coach Directed:
1. Listen to recording and write new vision 1-2 times.
2. Continue to use centering techniques and practice connecting to “who.”
3. Complete pain/gain model for a situation in which you are currently struggling.
4. Identify 3-5 strategies you can use to help you remember to make the sacrifices necessary (future pain)
to get to your future gain.
5. Use Individual Growth Plan to create Individual Empowerment Goals
Individual Empowerment:
What is my weekly goal?
For my homework this week I will:
Homework: Week 5
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Growth Areas: General issues on which I am going to work:
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2.
3.
Date: Initial:
Specific Goals Strategies, WHEN Support Structure Evidence of “win
Individual Growth Plan.
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Session 6: Realizing your relationship vision.
Dating with Dignity Tool #7: The Costanza: STOP-THINK-CHOOSE
It is imperative that once you become aware of your patterns and negative
behaviors that you STOP, THINK about what action you
want to take, and then CHOOSE to date with dignity.
“Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out if they’ve got a second. Give your dreams all you’ve got and you’ll be amazed at the energy that comes out of you.”
~William James
Create a list of possible triggers that typically cause you to make choices that are not in harmony with your vision:
1. Trigger situation:
a. Possible negative consequence:
b. Best choice/course of action will be:
2. Trigger situation:
a. Possible negative consequence:
b. Best choice/course of action will be:
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3. Trigger situation:
c. Possible negative consequence:
d. Best choice/course of action will be:
4. Trigger situation:
c. Possible negative consequence:
d. Best choice/course of action will be:
5. Trigger situation:
e. Possible negative consequence:
f. Best choice/course of action will be:
6. Trigger situation:
e. Possible negative consequence:
f. Best choice/course of action will be:
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Shifting your belief system and looking at new possibilities and ways to view the painful things in life helps you move up towards the higher levels of consciousness.
All of us experience low points in our lives. What’s important to realize is that it’s how you look at those low points, those painful experiences, that matters.
How do you tend to handle “bad things” in your life?
How would changing the way you think about painful
experiences affect the way you are being?
Are your experiences stepping stones or stumbling
blocks and why?
Paradigm & Possibilities: Pain
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Dating with Dignity Tool #8: Creating Confidence
It is critical that as you continue your journey towards manifesting the
relationship of your heart’s desire, you intentionally begin to practice
these tools consistently. In doing so your self esteem and confidence will
blossom and your energetic self perceptional levels will increase
markedly.
During the past 8 weeks I set this as one of my goals:
When I achieved this goal, the result was:
It made me feel confident that I could Date with Dignity. The next time this situation occurred, I:
I began to become increasingly competent. To celebrate my success I:
My victories, however small, prove I am a person who Dates with Dignity. As a result, I will be able to achieve my next goal, which is:
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Coach Directed:
1. Create a success journal and begin to document experiences in which you create confidence. Be prepared
to email your coach 3-5 examples by the beginning of the next class.
Individual Empowerment:
What is my weekly goal?
For my homework this week I will:
Homework: Week 6
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Session 7: How to Date With Dignity.
Dating with Dignity Tool #9: Date With Dignity
In identifying and asking others to meet appropriate
expectations, understanding who I am, in all my glory, beauty and magnificence, I am able to make choices based on loving myself. As a result, I Date With Dignity,
presence and peace of mind.
A few guidelines:
What is NOT a date:
1. The Power of No—The Rule of 60
2. Do Not Create Opportunities for Pseudo-Intimacy
3. Dates end at THE DOOR, vertical and clothed.
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4. What is YOUR contract?
5. What are your Date Mantras?
I don’t call men until the 4th date has occurred.
I don’t EVER initiate contact
I acknowledge and react appropriately to red flags.
I am dating as part of my OWN life; I don’t live life around dating.
He books in advance.
He pays.
I don’t skip classes, work or change plans to go out with him.
I don’t date men who don’t meet my top 5 non-negotiables.
I listen for, and don’t accept ANY form of the disclaimer.
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Dating with Dignity Tool #10: Data Dating: Collect Data and Have Fun.
Dating should be a fun, investigative and thrilling process. If, for some
reason, you begin to think of dates as drudgery, conflicted or difficult, it
is a sign to ask appropriate questions and take action. It is your
mission to stay off the hamster wheel at all costs. Remember to STOP,
THINK and CHOOSE.
Some questions to consider:
1. Are you Dating With Dignity using the criterion listed above?
2. Does this person appear to meet your criteria?
3. Are you Dating With Dignity using the criterion listed above?
4. Does this person appear to meet your criteria?
Most importantly, when Data Dating, remember to:
1. Use the DWD 10 Tools if you feel “stuck.”
~Circle the DWD Tools that are most helpful for you:
a. Dating fast b. Create your “who” c. Choose to live your life by design, not by default d. Identify your relationship goals e. Create negotiables and non-negotiables list f. Feeling comfortable with expectations g. The Costanza: STOP—THINK—CHOOSE h. Creating confidence i. Date With Dignity j. Data Collecting: Collect data and have fun
2. Connect to your integrity, your WHO and ask for guidance from spirit. Meditate. Center yourself. Remember your vision for this and what is at stake.
3. Create rules for YOURSELF! Live by them consistently. These are YOUR rules.
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Coach Directed:
1. Create your personal rule-book. Abide by your rules at all costs, even when you hear advice from
other sources, you begin to hear yourself say, “he seems different,” or you begin to rationalize why,
despite the fact that his actions aren’t in harmony with your vision, he is “different,” than the others.
What are your rules?
2. What is your spiritual practice? Describe ways in which you consistently connect to your authentic self
and your wisdom.
Prepare any questions you have for the last class.
Homework: Week 7
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Individual Empowerment:
What is my weekly goal?
For my homework this week I will:
“It is better to follow the voice inside and be at war with the whole world, than to follow the ways of the world and be at war with your deepest self.”
~Michael Pastore
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Session 8: Living your vision, manifesting love.
DWD Completion Exercises: Living Your Vision, Manifesting Love.
Creating Your Mandala
I am always, and in all ways, greater than I think…. I AM.
Welcome to the Dating With Dignity community. You have engaged in a deep, exploratory process in which you have come to love yourself in new ways. In an effort to anchor this experience, we will complete this eight-week course by creating your unique Mandala.
In Sanskrit, the word Mandala means circle. A Mandala is far more than a simple shape. It represents wholeness, and can be seen as a model for the organizational structure of life itself—a cosmic diagram that reminds us of our relation to the infinite, the world that extends both beyond and within our bodies and minds. What you put in the center of the Mandala represents the most important part of your WHO.
1. Identify the key descriptors of who you are. Begin each sentence with the words. a.
b.
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e.
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g.
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k.
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2. Convert your 5 most important descriptors into nouns. (e.g., loving = love, honest = honesty)
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3. Take these nouns and make them into “I Am” statements. Feel free to combine more than one concept or idea in each statement. Write them in order of importance. a.
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What is a master?
A master someone who resonates with success; whose way of being automatically attracts amazing people, places, events, and opportunities. Masters jump into opportunities with gusto, and without fear or hesitation.
While each of us can do many things well, there is really only one thing that you can truly master, and that is being you.
You are uniquely perfect, and when you tap into your true core, your real gift to the world is revealed.
When you share that gift with the world, you can be considered a Self-Master.
Think about your “I am” statements and all the insights you’ve gained so far with this program. What do you believe are 10 ways that you can share your true gift—you—with the world?
I can share the gift that I am by…
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My Journey to Self Mastery
Releasing negative thoughts feelings and actions.
What I am:
What I am not:
What I take away:
What I got:
Coach Directed:
1. Forgiveness walk.
Individual Empowerment:
What is my weekly goal?
For my homework this week I will:
Homework: Week 8
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Session 9: Bonus Man Panel.
Email your questions to Marni 48 hours prior to the call.
