Bringing Up a Muslim Child

7/31/2019 Bringing Up a Muslim Child

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Bringing up a

Muslim childOwning a sacred responsibility

Mirza Yawar Baig


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Bringing up a Muslim child

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The first and biggest mistake that Muslim parents make

is to believe that their responsibility is like that of any

other parent. As was the practice of the kings of old,

princes and princesses were taught differently from

ordinary people. This is not about any misplaced

arrogance or sense of false superiority but ofrecognizing ones responsibility as a parent and doing

what it takes to fulfill this trust.

A good way to understand this is to see how child

prodigies are brought up. They are not given the same

education as everyone else. The entire focus of their

education, both formal and informal, is based on the

eventual role that they must play. Only then can the

true glory of the gift that they have been bestowed

with, come forth. Children born to Muslims have been

gifted with Imaan. They are not ordinary children. To

treat them as if they were is to deny them their

opportunity to make a mark in the world. With the gift

of Imaan comes the responsibility of conveying it to


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others. Muslim parents must be conscious of this sense

of mission and accomplish it as the highest priority.

I believe that it is essential for Muslims to ensure that

their children are taught 5 foundational essentials:

1. Who they are: being Standard Bearers of Islam2. Connection with Allah : Tawheed & Uboodiya3. Connection with Rasoolullah : Sunnah & Being a

member of the Ummah

4. How to take from the treasures of Allah : Salah &dua

5. Giving to the world: Charity & Daawa

Who they are: being a Standard Bearer of Islam

Allah said:


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Aal Imraan 3:110. You [Muslims] are the best of

peoples ever raised up for mankind; you enjoin Al-

Ma'rf (good) and forbid Al-Munkar (evil), and you

believe in Allh.

Muslim children therefore must be brought up always

with the final aim of leading the world into Jannah, in

mind. They must be carefully watched, nurtured and

mentored from the earliest age.

This is the meaning of Tarbiyya. They must be given

tasks of graduated difficulty so that they learn to win on

their own. They must be allowed to face their fears and

to conquer them. They must be supported but not

protected. They must be advised but not told what to

do. They must be allowed to take their own decisions

but not without the benefit of the frame of reference of

the value of Tawheed, Sunnah, honor, fairness,responsibility, accountability, nurturing and trusteeship.

They must be allowed to feel, to cry in the night for the

hardships that others undergo, to build friendships and

relationships that span the boundaries of color, race,


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religion, nationality and much more difficult, social order

and prejudice.

Akhlaaq: The Key Differentiator

It is when parents bring up self centered children

focused on consumption, that in their fight to get the

most for themselves, they think nothing of breaking

family ties. When children are focused to what they can

contribute and with a constant awareness of Al Aakhira,

they will work for the benefit of others and win hearts

and minds to Islam in the process. It is the connection

with Allah that is the primary responsibility of the

parent to build and constantly strengthen and which is

the biggest and best protection against all the evil that

seems to surround us, ever more closely.

The biggest mistake that parents make is not to defineboundaries. Parents must parent. Many parents today

seem to be too focused on being friends to their

children at the expense of parenting. In this endeavor

they bend over backward trying to be nice to the


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children and basically do whatever the children want

them to. Boundaries are therefore never firm and clear.

They are always open to negotiation and children push

the boundaries until they get what they want from

parents who have confused parenting with being

friendly. Parents must remember that their children can

have many friends but they have only 2 parents.

Parents have been assigned the role of parenting.

Every other role is optional. The only assigned role is

that of parenting and so they need to do that first and

foremost.

Children are forever testing boundaries. So these must

be clear. For example, that you can disagree with

parents on issues provided you do it in the right way by

being respectful and not cheeky. That cheekiness is not

cute, it is insulting. That joking and insulting are two

different things. That assertiveness is to insist on yourrights without violating the rights of others. That

aggressiveness is to violate the rights of others. One is

commendable, the other is reprehensible. That caring

for your environment (read: home, office, bathroom,


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car, garden, pets etc.) is your job and not the job of

parents, or servants. Servants are supposed to clean the

home once in a day. Not every time the child makes a

mess. It is a common sight in the East, especially in

wealthy family homes, to see the mother or a servant

picking up after the child who is a moving litter creator.

Children must learn that making a mess of the home or

your own room is not acceptable. That your room is

your own but not to do with or in as you please. That

the rules of the home apply even inside your room.

Children must be taught how to speak to elders and

teachers and to their own younger siblings. They must

learn that respect is due to age, learning and character;

not due to possessions and money. They must learn

that their behavior will define them and that when they

show respect for others they are merely demonstrating

their own upbringing and bringing honor to themselvesand those who brought them up. When they are

disrespectful the contrary is equally true. Being

disrespectful is not insulting to the other person; it

merely demonstrates the dishonorable nature of the


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doer. It is strange that today it is very common to ask

someone, How are you? Only to hear the rude

answer, Good!. Thats all. No, Very well, thank you.

And how are you? It is common for people to speak

without saying, Please or to take things without asking

permission or to simply walk away after having stamped

your foot or kicked your briefcase or sneeze in your

face; and not bothering to say, Im sorry. Muslim

children were once known for their upbringing. Not any

more.

Children must be taught that meal times are sacred

because the home is not a hotel where one can simply

order room service. Meals, especially the one meal at

which the whole family eats together, may not be

missed or interrupted. Mealtime is for the family and

any family guests. It is okay to invite friends to a meal

at home but not okay to talk to them on the phonewhile the rest of the family eats. Children must learn

that their guests must also follow the rules of the family

home. That exams, games, TV shows, football, cricket


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or basketball matches and so on are not acceptable

excuses for missing the family meal.

Naturally it is the parents who have to set the norm. If

the father misses the meal without comment, then so

will the child. If the father sits in front of the TV

because he wants to see what happened to his favorite

team and to be able to do that, moves the meal to the

living room so that everyone eats mechanically with

eyes glued to the screen, then this will become the

norm and he will have no moral authority to insist that

the children do something different. If parents sit in

their favorite chair and shout out to the servant to get

this or that, so will the children. If parents litter, children

will too.

If parents pay children to wash cars, mow lawns, clean

attics or garages, instead of personally doing thesethings taking the children along with them, then children

will learn that as long as they can throw money at some

poor person to do their work, they need not care for

their own environment. Not only will they not learn to


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take care of their common spaces but they will also

learn to treat some jobs with disrespect and to look

down on those who do those jobs.

Each of these things above can be linked to one or more

of the evils of our society. A society that is stratified

according to economic circumstances, not according to

knowledge, moral values or being honorable. A society

where people dont care for other people. Where the

self is worshipped and indulgence is the supreme goal.

Where freedom is defined as the ability to indulge your

whims with impunity, even when some of this

indulgence may be breaking the laws of God or country.

Where the law is applied differently based on who has

the money to circumvent it or to get out of trouble by

paying their way. Where the ones who create the

corruption by paying to get benefits out of turn, then

turn around and whine about what a corrupt society wehave. Where justice is denied to some because others

pay speed money to an educated judge and then they

complain about how corrupt the judiciary has become.

Where the fact that the effect of ones own activity,


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speech or conduct may be infringing on the rights of

others, is not even part of any discussion.

They must be taught Akhlaaq (manners) that will

differentiate them from the rest and make them stand

out as Standard Bearers of Islam. Apart from all things

to do with social graces and politeness a Muslim child

must be taught those things that Allah considered

important enough to mention in the Quran. Allah said:


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Al Hujuraat 49:10. The believers are nothing else

than brothers (in Islm). So make reconciliation

between your brothers, and fear Allh, that you may

receive mercy.11. O you who believe! Let not a group

scoff at another group, it may be that the latter are

better than the former; nor let (some) women scoff atother women, it may be that the latter are better than

the former, nor defame one another, nor insult one

another by nicknames. How bad is it, to insult one's

brother after having Faith [cursing, using bad

language]. And whosoever does not repent, then such

are indeed Zlimn (wrong-doers).12. O you who

believe! Avoid suspicion, indeed some suspicions are

sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would

one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You

would hate it (so hate backbiting) . And fear Allh.


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Verily, Allh is the One Who accepts repentance, Most

Merciful.

Muslim children must learn that Islam is not just a set of

rituals of worship but a complete way of life where

duties to people are mentioned with duties to Allah .


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Muminoon 23:1. Successful indeed are the believers.

2. Those who offer their Salt (prayers) with all

solemnity and full submissiveness.3.And those who

turn away from Al-Laghw (dirty, false, evil vain talk,

falsehood, and all that Allh has forbidden).4.And those

who pay the Zakt .5.And those who guard their

chastity6. Except from their wives or (the captives and

slaves) that their right hands possess, for then, they are

free from blame7. But whoever seeks beyond that,then those are the transgressors8. Those who are

faithfully true to their Amant (all the duties which Allh

has ordained, honesty, moral responsibility and peoples

trusts) and to their covenants;9.And those who strictly

guard their (five compulsory

congregational) Salawt (prayers) (at their fixed stated

hours).10. These are indeed the inheritors.11. Who

shall inherit the Firdaus (Jannah).They shall dwell

therein forever.


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All these things will make the Muslim child a walking,

talking example of the Way of Islam and will

differentiate him from the rest and make him a

benchmark and a role model for others.

This is the essence of Islam and the example that

Rasoolullah and his Sahaba left for us, when they

used to say to anyone who asked about Islam, Becomelike us. That was because they were Islam personified.

And that is the first duty of the Muslim parent to

mould the child in the Islamic Way by demonstrating.

Criteria for decision making

Life is full of decisions; there is seldom a time in our

lives when we arent grappling with one tough decision

or another. Whether its related to work or family, or to

any one of countless other aspects of life, we constantly

find ourselves asking questions like should I or

shouldn't I? or should I go in this direction or that? We

go back-and-forth between what seem to us to be

equally good options, not knowing which will bring us

the most benefit in the long term.


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We live in a world where access to information is ever

easier, faster and more comprehensive. There is huge

penetration of technology which has made life both easy

and more complex. We are deluged with information on

a daily basis which leaves most people bewildered and

unable to make sense of what they are seeing or

reading. The result is a society that is for the most part

ill informed if one is to translate information as

understanding. Most people simply dont have the tools

to make sense of what they are presented with. It is

therefore necessary for parents to equip their children

with these tools. I believe there are two tools which are

critical to this process: Integrity and a focus on creating

a legacy.

Integrity: I define integrity as the willingness to

become a standard bearer for your beliefs and values.

To be willing to be held to account for them and to havethe confidence that he will not be found lacking when

that happens. Integrity is the honesty to be true to

yourself. To have complete congruence between belief,

thought, word and action. To live what you believe in


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and value. Integrity is to focus on your legacy and

always to ask, What do I want to be remembered for?

Integrity is the ability to look yourself in the face and to

accept your mistakes and not make excuses for them. It

is the willingness to accept responsibility for your words

and actions and their consequences and to make

amends if those are undesirable.

Creating a legacy: The second criterion for decision

making is to differentiate between short term and long

term and to visualize what the long term effects of

present decisions are likely to be. As Muslims it is to

remember that one day we will be called to account

before Allah for what we did or chose not to do.

Children must be taught to analyze their options in

terms of their potential consequences and while we

have no knowledge of the unseen or the future, good

analysis can help us to see possible scenarios and todecide intelligently between them. When this is done it

is essential to focus on the long term and not do things

which may seem beneficial immediately but are likely to

have gravely negative consequences in the long run.


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Almost every national or international problem that we

face today is the result of making shortsighted decisions

for short term gain. All easily avoidable if only the focus

of decision making had been to create a legacy of

honor.

Connection withAllah: Tawheed & Uboodiya

Muslim children must be taught to connect with Allah .

They must be introduced to Allah , to His Majesty and

His Glory; to His accounting on the Day of Judgment. To

the duty that we owe to Him, to be grateful for all that

He has given us and to judge ourselves by the integrity

with which we fulfill this duty. They must grow up with

a profound sense of Uboodiya (sense of being a slave of

Allah ) whose only purpose in life is to submit to

Allah completely in everything that they say or do.

Muslim children must grow up hearing the name of

Allah , the recitation of His Word in all its power and

majesty. They must grow up hearing the name of His

Messenger and the stories of his life. Muslim children

must grow up with confidence in their Deen, with pride


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in being Muslim, with their hearts beating for the love of

Allah and with love for His Messenger and a senseof belonging to the global brotherhood of Islam; the

Ummah.


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Al Hashr 59: 21. Had We sent down this Qur'n on a

mountain, you would surely have seen it humbling itself

and rending asunder by the fear of Allh. Such are the

parables which We put forward to mankind that they

may reflect. 22. He is Allh, than Whom there is L

ilha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but

He) the All-Knower of the unseen and the seen (open).

He is the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful.23. He is

Allh than Whom there is L ilha illa Huwa (none has

the right to be worshipped but He) the King, the Holy,

the One Free from all defects, the Giver of security, the

Watcher over His creatures, the All-Mighty, the

Compeller, the Supreme. Glory be to Allh! (High is He)

above all that they associate as partners with

Him.24. He is Allh, the Creator, the Inventor of all

things, the Bestower of forms. To Him belong the Best

Names. All that is in the heavens and the earth glorify

Him. And He is the All-Mighty, the All-Wise.

Muslim children must grow up seeing their parents

subordinating their lives and their desires to Allah and

to the Deen that His Messenger brought. They must

grow up with the awe of nothing but Allah in their


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hearts, seeing their parents joy in submitting to Allah ,

actively seeking opportunities to do more and more. The

Muslim child must understand the meaning of

connection with Allah by seeing the look of intense

devotion and concentration on the face of his parents

when they stand in Salah. She must feel the love of

Allah kindled in her heart by listening to the Quran

recited with love, understanding and a longing to meet

its author. She must feel the trembling of her heart

even when she hears words that she may not

understand yet. Allah must not be a strange word to

her, mentioned only during worship. Allah and His

Messenger must be mentioned often and related to

the daily activities of parents and children until they

become part of their existential awareness.


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Zumar 39: 22. Is he whose breast Allh has opened to

Islm, so that he is in light from His Lord (as he who is

non-Muslim)? So, woe to those whose hearts are

hardened against remembrance of Allh! They are in

plain error!23. Allh has sent down the best statement,

a Book (this Qur'n), its parts resembling each other ingoodness and truth, oft-repeated. The skins of those

who fear their Lord shiver from it (when they recite it or

hear it). Then their skin and their heart soften to the

remembrance of Allh. That is the guidance of Allh. He

Guides therewith whom He pleases and whomever Allh

sends astray, for him there is no guide.

A Muslim child, brought up right, will yearn to learn the

Quran that hes heard his parents recite so well. He will

not need to be persuaded, much less forced, to do so.


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Children imitate and learn to respect and value what

they see their elders valuing. If they see their elders

valuing money over everything else, that is what they

will value. If they see them value Allah and the

Sunnah of Rasoolullah , that is what they learn also to

value. If they see their parents changing, justifying,

twisting or simply ignoring the rules of Islam in order to

fulfill their desires, they also learn that it is acceptable to

live a life of hypocrisy claiming to be Muslim, yet

disobeying Allah and His Messenger . If they see the

contrary then they learn the right place of everything,

the world in its place and the Creator of the world in His

place to be loved and obeyed without question or

argument. So the connection with Allah is what must

be built first.

Someone asked me this question: How can children

of this (age 4-7) be introduced to Islam through

an innovative method of teaching which inspires their

imagination to understand the Magnificence of the

Creator?


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My Answer: The best way I know to inspire the

imagination to understand the Magnificence of Allah is

to use His creation for it. Give the kids small projects,

after introducing the concept to them. For example:

Take them to a huge tree and let them see and feel it

and then show them the seed and say, 'Do you know

that this tree came out of this seed?' How do you think

that happened? Then let them talk. The key is NOT to

give them answer and NOT TO CORRECT them. Let

their imaginations flow. Give them charts and crayons

and let them draw the tree inside the seed as they think

of it. Ask them, What do you think the tree is saying to

Allah when it is inside the seed? Let them talk and talk

and talk.

Then let them collect leaves of different trees, press

them in books so that they will have a whole scrap book

of pressed leaves at the end of the project. Then tellthem: "All these are leaves, right? So in that respect

they are all alike. But each one is different from the

other. Why do you think Allah did this?"


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Then tell them to go and find two leaves of the same

tree that are completely different from each other. They

will not be able to do that - so ask them, "What do you

think is the reason why Allah made the leaves the same,

yet different?"

Then tell them to look at each other and spot

differences - ensure that they dont make fun of each

other but do it respectfully - and ask the same question.

Then tell them, "There are two artists - one makes one

painting and then makes 100 photocopies of it. The

other makes 101 different paintings. Who is the bigger

artist? Why do you say that?

Then make them print out their finger prints and tell

them, 'Each of you has a finger print that is not only

different from others in this room but from all humanbeings anywhere in the world (expand this in narration)

and also you know what? Before you came into this

world, this finger print on your hand did not exist. And

when you are gone, it will not come back.


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Now what do you think of the artist who can do all this?

Who is that artist?

If you do it well, it will blow their minds and will be a

lifetime experience for them.

After all it was Allah who taught us to introduce Himself

like this when He said in the first Ayaat that He

revealed:

Al Alaq 96:1. Read! In the Name of your Lord, Who

has created (all that exists),

Think about this: What was there to read, when Allah is

saying Read? What there was to read, was the creation

of Allah and Allah commanded Rasoolullah (SAS) to read

His signs in the creation. So all I am doing is to follow

the same methodology. The best way to recognize the

magnificence of Allah is to look at his creation with eyes

of Imaan.


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Our problem is that we leave the tarbiyyah of children

until it is too late. When they are little we are too

anxious for them to hurry up and grow up. And they do.

Only, when that happens we dont recognize them. We

think that the only things that we have to worry about

when they are little are if they are fed and clothed and

happy. And to take them out of our hair we get them

addicted to the TV or worse still to video games. If

instead of that we had spent some time introducing

them to Allah and to His Messenger and to the

beautiful concepts of this Deen, they would have turned

into young men and women we could be proud of.


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Connection with Rasoolullah : Sense of Ummah

The child will learn that there is no way of connecting to

Allah independent of Muhammad . We know Allah

through the message of Rasoolullah and the only

proof of our love for Allah that Allah accepts is the

imitation of Muhammad .

Aal Imraan 3:31. Say (O Muhammad to mankind):

"If you (really) love Allh then follow me (imitate my

way Sunnah), then Allh will love you and forgive you

of your sins. And Allh is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Teach the child that to love Allah , His Messenger

and striving in the cause of Islam are conditions of

Imaan and far more important than anything in life,

including loving ones parents, family or wealth.


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Tawba 9:24. Say: If your fathers, your sons, your

brothers, your wives, your kindred, the wealth that you

have gained, the commerce in which you fear a decline,and the dwellings in which you delight are dearer to

you than Allh and His Messenger, and striving hard in

His Cause, then wait until Allh brings about His

Decision (torment). And Allh guides not the people

who are Al-Fsiqn (the rebellious).

Teach the child the true position of Rasoolullah and

our relationship with him, his rights on us and our duties

towards him. Allah glorified the status of


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Rasoolullah and ordered Muslims to send salaam on

him.He said:

Al Ahzab 33:56 Allh sends His Salt (Blessings,

Mercy) on the Prophet (Muhammad SAW) and also His

angels too (ask Allh to bless and forgive him). O you

who believe! Send your Salat on (ask Allh to bless) him

(Muhammad SAW), and (you should) greet (salute) him

with the Islmic way of greeting (salutation i.e. As

Salmu 'Alaikum).

Allah made obedience to Rasoolullah a condition of

Imaan. He said:


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An Nisa 4:65 But no, by your Lord, they can have no

Faith, until they make you (O MuhammadSAW) judge in

all disputes between them, and find in themselves no

resistance against your decisions, and accept (them)

with full submission.

Allah called the Muslims, one community and honoredthem by associating His worship as the binding force.

Anbiya 21: 92. Truly! This, your Ummah [brotherhood]

is one Brotherhood (Ummah) and I am your Lord,

therefore worship Me (Alone)


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Muminoon 23: 52. And verily! This,

your Ummah [brotherhood] is one Brotherhood

(Ummah), and I am your Lord, so have Taqwa (keep

your duty) of Me.

The Muslim child must be taught to prefer Muslims over

others and to feel a sense of belonging to the global

faith based brotherhood that transcends all boundaries.

Taking from the treasures of Allah : Salah, Dua

It is when the connection with Allah is strong that the

child learns to ask only from Him and not to join others

with Allah either in His worship or in asking for help.

The child will learn that the key to the treasures of

Allah is Salah and that in any difficulty he must seek

help from Allah through Salah and experience His

proximity.


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Al Baqarah 2:152. Therefore remember Me (by

praying, glorifying). I will remember you, and be

grateful to Me (for My countless Favors on you) and

never be ungrateful to Me.153. O you who believe!

Seek help in patience and As-Salt. Truly! Allh is

with As-Sbirin (the patient ones).

She learns how to stand in the night and take from the

treasures of Allah that will be spread before them. Thechild will experience the closeness of Allah and that He

listens when she calls him.

Al Baqarah 2:186.And when My slaves ask you (O

Muhammad SAW) concerning Me, then (answer them), I


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am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond

to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me

(without any mediator). So let them obey Me and

believe in Me, so that they may be rightly guided.

He will understand the meaning of Al Ihsaan to

worship as if we can see Allah and to know that even

though we cant see Him, Allah sees us. Allah will

become real to him and His Messenger will become

the most beloved of people. He will learn the value of

following the Sunnah of Rasoolullah and how that is a

source of strength because it is the only acceptable

proof of his love for Allah . The child will learn to love

Rasoolullah and to feel proud of his identity as an

Ummati of Muhammad . The child will draw his own

sense of identity and belonging from Rasoolullah and

will experience the pleasure of instant bonding withMuslims irrespective of the manmade boundaries of

nationality and culture on the basis of the brotherhood

that Rasoolullah created and which Allah endorsed

and ascribed to Himself and His worship.


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I do because of who I am. And I become, because I do.

They must learn that our actions define us. They must

learn that people will define them on the basis of both

what they owned and what they contributed. But they

will honor them only for what they contributed. Because

we are remembered, not for what we had but for what

we gave. Only when they are taught to focus on

contribution from their earliest childhood will they be

able to fight the force of consumerism that is focused

on consumption. Blind, self centered consumption that

in the end will consume us all, if it is allowed to

proliferate unchallenged. Muslim families must bring up

children who will challenge these norms and create a

society that is focused on contribution instead of

consumption, so that in the end we leave behind a place

that is the better for our passing.

Giving to the world: Charity & Daawa

Children, especially those who come from high income

homes must be taught the value of service. They must


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endure hardship and learn that for some people air-

conditioning, cars, unlimited hot & cold running water,

fridges bursting at the seams and clean sheets on a soft

bed are not even novelties; because a novelty is

something that you do have, even if only occasionally.

But those people still live and laugh and play. Children

must be taught the value of compassion, courage and

service. They must be allowed to experience the joy of

sharing. Of giving and then seeing the light of

disbelieving delight in the eyes of the receiver. Nothing

compares to the joy of giving something to someone

who did not even dream of getting it. They must be

taught that to give someone what you dont really want

is still good but not as appreciable as giving away

something that you love because someone else needs it

more. This demonstrates genuine care and concern.

For example for a teenager to volunteer to spend timewith old people (related or not) is to give away their

time, which may not have any monetary value but

which is something that is dear to young people. This

and other such activities must be encouraged and


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appreciated. Not by giving money in exchange but by

talking to the child and asking what they believe they

gained from the action. It is only when they learn to

take pleasure in the giving of itself that this giving

becomes sustainable.

This is a power that is given in the hands of those who

have resources, who actually hold the resources of

others in trust, to be delivered on call, when they need

it. Those who use these resources for themselves

without any concern for others are really violating their

trust for which they will be held accountable. This is the

concept of Amana that is the essence of Islam Imaan

is an Amana to be conveyed, so are resources to pass

on benefits to others only for the pleasure of Allah .

Children must be taught that value is not equal to cost.

For example that the cost of learning may be negligiblebut the value of knowledge is immeasurable. And so the

scholar must be respected and honored for his

knowledge even if he is poor. Children must be taught

that the mud and brick structure that they live in is a


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house, not a home. And no matter how big yours is,

there is always another somewhere else which is bigger,

shinier, taller, wider or more beautiful. How expensive

or big it is, does not show how happy and contented are

those who live in it. And it is this happiness and

contentment that make the home, not mud and brick.

Children must be taught that humans have more

intrinsic value than anything material which can be

bought, sold or junked. That cars, branded clothing,

watches, gadgets, material possessions, expensive

houses dont add value to the people who use them.

Possessions add cost, not value. Anyone sensible

will seek to add value to himself, not cost. People who

believe that possessions add value or seek to convince

others of this, have no value for themselves. They have

low self esteem and are seeking to lower the value of

the human being. Children must be taught that a car,no matter how expensive, is transportation, not a

symbol. Except of bad judgment which makes someone

put huge amounts of money into a depreciating asset.


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A shirt is clothing, a watch is meant to tell the time and

shoes are meant to walk in. None of these define you,

are not statements, nor indicators of what kind of

human being you are. It is your character, your actions,

what you stand for, your principles and your values,

which define you. Not what you possess. What you

possess can be stolen or taken away from you.

Your character, your values, your principles are the stuff

of memories that you leave behind. By these you will be

remembered, honorably or otherwise. Live a life such

that you will be remembered with honor. Teach children

these things by personal example. Because that is the

only way to teach them.

Muslim children must be taught that with Allah the

only consideration is piety, not possessions and that

wealth and possessions are a test to see what we will

do.


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Al Hujuraat 49:13. O mankind! We have created you

from a male and a female, and made you into nations

and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the

most honourable of you with Allh is that (believer) who

has At-Taqwa. Verily, Allh is All-Knowing, All-Aware.

Children must be taught the value of money. The valueof earning it, of investing it, of making it earn for you.

They must learn the difference between spending and

investing. They must be trained to be wealth creators,

not wealth spenders. They must be taught that

spending is to incur an expense for something that can

give no return but instead, itself depreciates in value.

Investing is to incur an expense for something that

gives a return on your investment. Children learn to

handle money by actually handling money. So give them

an allowance and then ask them to present monthly P&L


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accounts and an annual Balance Sheet. See what the

headings are, under which they spent their allowance.

See if they have found ways to make their allowance

earn for them instead of simply spending it on

consumables. Show them the alternatives they may

have missed. Warren Buffet started trading when he

was in his teens. When asked he said that his only

regret was that he had not started earlier. Once children

see how they will actually gain and have more money

by this kind of thinking, you have won. Inculcate charity

consciously and emphatically. See if they spent some

money on the welfare of others. Guide them by

example. When children see parents spending to help

others, they will be inspired to do the same. Reward

and encourage children to spend in charity by matching

their donations, donating to their preferred causes and

appreciating their generosity. Teach them to share withothers, their toys, resources and learning. Teach them

that Muslims are the pipeline that conveys the bounties

of Allah to His creatures. As long as the pipeline is

clear and water flows through it smoothly, the pipeline


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will also be wet and cool. But if it gets blocked, then

Allah will either blast it clear or will replace it

altogether. Muslims came to give Imaan, justice,

peace, harmony, safety and moral values. Islam came

to create a responsible, moral and sincere society.

Muslims did not come to take. When we forgot this

position of ours and also started chasing the material

world we lost our primary position as the Givers. The

world loves Givers and hates Takers.

Teach them the value of the best investment of them

all, the investment with Allah An investment that will

not only earn them a return as long as they live but a

return that will continue long after they are dead. Teach

them also that this return is the highest of any return in

this world for it ranges from 1:10 to 1:700 to a return

without account. And finally that this return is the surest

of all because it is guaranteed by Allah himself. Nowwhat can be more certain than that?


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Al Baqarah 2:245. Who is he that will lend to Allh a

goodly loan so that He may multiply it to him many

times? And it is Allh that decreases or increases (your

provisions), and unto Him you shall return.

Finally the most important duty, that of conveying Islam

to others; once again demonstrate by example both the

importance of doing it, as well as the way to do it.

Children must be taught the power of demonstrating; of

daawa through personal example. They must be taught

to practice Islam completely and with confidence, in

terms of their dressing, their manners, their dealings,

what they will see, say or do. They must learn that

others watch them and that if people appreciate them,then they will be drawn to Islam. Children must be

taught the power of politeness, kindness and of smiling

and being agreeable. They must understand that before

one can talk about Allah to anyone else, it is essential


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to first win their hearts over. If people dont even like

you they are hardly likely to listen to what you have to

say about religion. People tend to associate the religion

with the practitioner and accept or reject both together.

It is also necessary to spend quality time and pay close

attention to the religious education of children.

If a child does not even know his own religion properly

how can he or she convey it to anyone else? Yet it is

common to see Muslim parents spend huge amounts of

money and time on their childrens worldly education

and treat religious education as a necessary nuisance at

best. There is no sense of shame that their grown child

cant even read the Quran fluently or lead Salah

comfortably. Guidance can only come with correct

knowledge and it is the parents primary responsibility

for which they will be questioned and punished if found

negligent; to ensure that their children are properlyeducated in Islam. Its high time we paid attention to

this.


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As we bring up our children, so we create the society

we live in. We have succeeded in creating a society that

is rich in resources and poor in the willingness to share.

That is why we have hunger and poverty. Our society is

rich in material and poor in morals and spirit. That is

why we have evil and sin. Our society is rich in

information but poor in wisdom. That is why the most

educated nations among us are the most barbaric. That

is why we have people in some countries starving to

death while in 2007-8 more than 1 billion worth of

food was thrown away in Britain alone. Is this an issue

of food production, distribution or simply of lack of

concern for others?

We have created a society that has concentrated power

and wealth in the hands of a few who have no concern

for others. These are people who have the resources to

actually create a world without hunger, educated, withproper medical care, where there are none homeless

and which is free from crime. But instead they have

created a world that has the capability of destroying


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itself 40 times over. Nobody stops to ask how this will

happen the second time, let alone for another 38 times.

The correction has to begin in the home.


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ABOUT THEAUTHOR

Mirza Yawar Baig is an International

Speaker, Trainer, Corporate Consultant,

specializing in Leadership Development

helping technical specialists transition

into Management and Leadership roles.

Founder & President of Yawar Baig &

Associates He received his initial

Islamic education at the Jamia Ilahiyaat

Nooria in Hyderabad and later at the

feet of Ulama and Shuyookh in Saudi

Arabia, India and America.

Thanks to his openness, competence, value-based professionalism

and the ability to speak five languages, Yawar has instilled

leadership and management fundamentals within many local,

national and global organizations. Yawar Baig teaches leadership inthe United States, India, South Africa, Sri Lanka and Malaysia. Yawar

has extensive multicultural teaching experience having taught

managers, teachers, students, administrators, NGOs and clergy in

three continents. With his own background in Islamic education and

a global perspective, Yawar speaks internationally on Islam and

Muslim issues, especially about the need for Muslims to become

Standard Bearers of Islam.

Advisor, Jamiat ul Ulama , South Africa Advisor, Jamiat ul Ulama, Sri Lanka Advisor, Jamia Syed Ahmed Shaheed, India Advisor, Al Mahad Al Islami, Hyderabad, India Advisor, Association of Muslim Schools, South Africawww yawarbaig in

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Bringing Up a Muslim Child

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