Building Vitality in Our Building Vitality in Our Single MissionariesSingle Missionaries

Midwest Conference on Missionary CareMidwest Conference on Missionary CareFebruary 25, 2012February 25, 2012

Debbie Klaver, MA, LMFTDebbie Klaver, MA, LMFT

What does Scripture Say about What does Scripture Say about Singleness and Kingdom Work?Singleness and Kingdom Work?

Ephesians 4:16 Ephesians 4:16

Romans 12:4-5Romans 12:4-5

Matthew 19:10-12Matthew 19:10-12

I Corinthians 7:7,35bI Corinthians 7:7,35b

A Few Good QuotesA Few Good Quotes

““In the new covenant, one is fully blessed in union with In the new covenant, one is fully blessed in union with Christ independent of marriage, family or possession Christ independent of marriage, family or possession (land)”. (Barry Danylak)(land)”. (Barry Danylak)

““In the family of God, one’s status is not improved In the family of God, one’s status is not improved through marriage.” ( Barry Danylak)through marriage.” ( Barry Danylak)

If marriage is good, singleness is also good. It’s an If marriage is good, singleness is also good. It’s an example of the balance of Scripture that, although example of the balance of Scripture that, although Genesis 2:18 indicates that it is good to marry, I Genesis 2:18 indicates that it is good to marry, I Corinthians 7:1 says that ‘it is good for a man not to Corinthians 7:1 says that ‘it is good for a man not to marry. So both the married and the single states are marry. So both the married and the single states are ‘good’, neither is in itself better or worse than the other. ‘good’, neither is in itself better or worse than the other. So whether we are single or married, we need to receive So whether we are single or married, we need to receive our situation from God as his own special grace-gift to our situation from God as his own special grace-gift to us.” (John Stott)us.” (John Stott)

A Few More Good QuotesA Few More Good Quotes

““God created us as social beings. Love is the God created us as social beings. Love is the greatest thing in the world. For God is love, and greatest thing in the world. For God is love, and when he made us in his own image, he gave us when he made us in his own image, he gave us the capacity to love and to be loved. So we the capacity to love and to be loved. So we need each other. Yet marriage and family are need each other. Yet marriage and family are not the only antidotes to loneliness.” (John Stott)not the only antidotes to loneliness.” (John Stott)

““Though Paul did not have his own wife and Though Paul did not have his own wife and family, he experienced family, he experienced profound familial profound familial intimacy intimacy within the spiritual family of God in within the spiritual family of God in which he had which he had utterly invested himself.”utterly invested himself.” (Barry Danylak)(Barry Danylak)

Single Missionary PanelSingle Missionary Panel

1. Introductions2. What is the best part of being single?3. What is most difficult about being single?4. How would you say you go about building

intimacy in your setting? (i.e. close, deep personal friends).

5. What contributes most to resilience?

The Blessings of Serving SingleThe Blessings of Serving Single

More time to develop a close More time to develop a close relationship with the Lord and to relationship with the Lord and to minister to others (I Cor. 7:32-35)minister to others (I Cor. 7:32-35)

More opportunities to integrate into More opportunities to integrate into local culture and learn the languagelocal culture and learn the language

More freedom to travel, to change More freedom to travel, to change work assignments and locations, to work assignments and locations, to pursue other interestspursue other interests

Ability to live with greater Ability to live with greater spontaneityspontaneity

The Challenges of Serving The Challenges of Serving SingleSingle

Learning to “Go It Alone”Learning to “Go It Alone”

Developing Close FriendshipsDeveloping Close Friendships

Finding Validation and AffirmationFinding Validation and Affirmation

Host CultureHost Culture

Missionary SubcultureMissionary Subculture

The Possibility of Never MarryingThe Possibility of Never Marrying

Developing Healthy Relationships with Those of the Developing Healthy Relationships with Those of the Opposite SexOpposite Sex

Healthy SexualityHealthy Sexuality

Physical TouchPhysical Touch

More Challenges to Serving More Challenges to Serving SingleSingle

Good Living ArrangementsGood Living Arrangements

Aging ParentsAging Parents

Security in Later LifeSecurity in Later Life

Learning to Live with Unmet NeedsLearning to Live with Unmet Needs

What contributes most to What contributes most to resilience?resilience?

Close relationship to God and spiritual Close relationship to God and spiritual resourcesresources

Strong, loving relationshipsStrong, loving relationships

Sense of God’s call—knowing I’m exactly Sense of God’s call—knowing I’m exactly where God wants mewhere God wants me

Member Care for Single Member Care for Single MissionariesMissionaries

Pre-field, on-field, post-fieldPre-field, on-field, post-field

Prevention Services: in selection and Prevention Services: in selection and clarifying/validating a callclarifying/validating a call

Development Services: equip with skills Development Services: equip with skills needed to deal with cross-cultural life and needed to deal with cross-cultural life and work, conflict resolution skillswork, conflict resolution skills

Support Services: praying, visits, counseling, Support Services: praying, visits, counseling, retreatsretreats

Restoration Services: medical and counseling Restoration Services: medical and counseling carecare

How Churches Can Provide How Churches Can Provide Member Care to Single Member Care to Single

MissionariesMissionaries

Connect the Single Missionary with a few safe Connect the Single Missionary with a few safe and caring people in the congregation who can and caring people in the congregation who can guard confidentialityguard confidentiality

The member caregivers can find out the type The member caregivers can find out the type of stressors that your single missionary is of stressors that your single missionary is dealing with: dealing with: cultural, crises, historical, occupational, cultural, crises, historical, occupational, organizational, physical, psychological, support, organizational, physical, psychological, support, spiritual, etc.spiritual, etc.

LISTEN!!! WITHOUT GIVING ADVICE.LISTEN!!! WITHOUT GIVING ADVICE.

Next, encourage the single missionary to look Next, encourage the single missionary to look for resources on the field to help resolve the for resources on the field to help resolve the stress and distress, and also offer to help seek stress and distress, and also offer to help seek resources and information to share with themresources and information to share with them

More Ways Churches can Provide More Ways Churches can Provide Member Care for Single Member Care for Single

MissionariesMissionaries

Ask the single missionary what if anything she or Ask the single missionary what if anything she or he wants shared with the congregation, mission he wants shared with the congregation, mission committee, pastorcommittee, pastor

Help set up and/or provide development, support Help set up and/or provide development, support and restoration services as neededand restoration services as needed

When your missionary comes back on home When your missionary comes back on home assignment, invite him or her to participate in your assignment, invite him or her to participate in your family activities, meals, events for families and family activities, meals, events for families and singlessingles

Don’t judge them, show them grace!Don’t judge them, show them grace!

Pray for them regularlyPray for them regularly

Some Good ResourcesSome Good Resources

Enhancing Missionary VitalityEnhancing Missionary Vitality - Powell & Bowers - Powell & Bowers

Too Valuable to Lose Too Valuable to Lose - ed. by William Taylor- ed. by William Taylor

Overcoming LonelinessOvercoming Loneliness - David Jeremiah - David Jeremiah

Single Adult Passages: Uncharted TerritoriesSingle Adult Passages: Uncharted Territories - - Koons and AnthonyKoons and Anthony

Redeeming Singleness Redeeming Singleness – Barry Danylak (2010)– Barry Danylak (2010)

John Stott on Singleness, John Stott on Singleness, Christianity Today, Christianity Today, John John Stott & Al HsuStott & Al Hsu

dklaver@wmpl.orgdklaver@wmpl.org