BULLYING 101:A PRESENTATION FOR PARENTS

Given by Robert Constantino & Kerry DiSimone

Definition of HIBAccording to the NJ 2011 Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights

"Harassment, intimidation or bullying" means any gesture, any written, verbal or physical act, or any electronic communication,

whether it be a single incident or a series of incidents,

that is reasonably perceived as being motivated either by any actual or perceived characteristic, such as race, color, religion, ancestry, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity and expression, or a mental, physical or sensory disability, or by any other distinguishing characteristic…

HIB Definition (cont’d)According to the NJ 2011 Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights

that takes place on school property, at any school-sponsored function, on a school bus, or off school grounds

that substantially disrupts or interferes with the orderly operation of the school or the rights of other students and that:

a. a reasonable person should know, under the circumstances, will have the effect of physically or emotionally harming a student or damaging the student's property, or placing a student in reasonable fear of physical or emotional harm to his person or damage to his property;

b. has the effect of insulting or demeaning any student or group of students; or

c. creates a hostile educational environment for the student by interfering with a student’s education or by severely or pervasively causing physical or emotional harm to the student.

Bullying Happens in Four Ways Verbal

Teasing, jokes, ignoring/isolation, gossip, threats Physical

Blocking someone’s path, physical restraint, pushing/kicking, hazing

Sexual Teasing, touching, slapping, pictures, emails,

graffiti, sexual assault Property

Hiding belongings, theft, arson, extortion, vandalism, destruction

The Dynamics of Bullying

BULLY

BYSTANDERVICTIM

Bullies

Aggressive Bullies Most common type – Physically strong, impulsive, hot-tempered,

confident, lacks empathy Motivated by power and the desire to dominate others

Passive Bullies (Anxious Bullies) Tend to be insecure, are far-less popular than aggressive bullies, have low

self-esteem, unhappy home lives Won’t typically initiate a bullying situation but readily joins in once one is

under way

Bully-victims Small percentage who have been seriously bullied themselves More likely to be both anxious and depressed Typically provoke others who are weaker than they are

Victims

Passive Victims Do not directly provoke bullies Socially withdrawn, often seem anxious, depressed, and

fearful Few, if any, friends – lonely and sad

Provocative Victims Often behave in ways that arouse negative responses

from those around them, such as anger, irritation, and exasperation

Possess a cluster of characteristics that are likely to disrupt a classroom and lead to social rejection by peers, including irritability, restlessness, off-task behavior, and hostility

Bystanders

Most students fall into this category Are afraid to associate with the victim Fear reporting bullying incidents Experience feelings of guilt and helplessness Are drawn into bullying behavior Feel unsafe

HAVE THE MOST POWER TO CHANGE THE BULLYING SITUATION!

Is My Child a Target?The Warning Signs…

Reluctant to go to school – complains of illness/headaches before school

Does not want to ride school bus Experiencing a sudden drop in grades Coming home hungry (missing lunch) Experiencing nightmares, wetting the bed, having difficulty sleeping

or excessively sleeping Refusing to leave home Waiting to get home to use the bathroom Acting nervous when an unfamiliar child approaches Showing increased anger or resentment with no obvious cause Talking about feeling lonely or about difficulty making friends Reluctant to defend himself/herself when teased or criticized Bruised, cut, or bearing scrapes that are not easily explained

What Can You Do to Help?

Do not over- or under- react Do not dismiss the experience Do not place blame on the child Encourage child to talk about the

incident Provide extra support and

encouragement Encourage child to talk to another adult If possible, encourage child to stay away

from the bully as school deals with the situation.

Discussion Prompts

Trying to have your child say more than “Greg was mean to me” can be a feat. Try these questions to get more specific information: What would an instant replay of what happened

look like? Describe what other people saw and heard during

the incident. Why today? Why do you think he/she bullied you? What was the most frustrating part of the

experience? If this happened again, what would you do

differently?

Tattling vs. Telling

If it will only get another person in trouble, then don’t tell me.

If it will get you or another child out of trouble, tell me.

If it is both, I need to know.

Tattling Telling

Is My Child a Bully?The Warning Signs… [Adapted from Why Doesn’t Anybody Like Me? (Marano, 1998)

Positive views towards violence/ aggression Marked need to control and dominate others and

situations Manipulates the relationships of others (to be mean) Hot tempered, impulsive, easily frustrated Often test limits or break rules Good at talking their way out of difficult situations Show little sympathy toward others Quick to interpret accidents or other neutral events

as deliberate acts of hostility Have two or three friends who are also aggressive

What Can You Do to Help?

Take problem seriously

Question and listen attentively

Seek reasons behind bullying behavior

Make it clear that conduct must stop immediately

What if My Child is a Bully?Ways to get your child back on track…

Teach your child how to handle frustration

Make sure aggressive behaviors are recognized as such

Teach your child better ways to handle anger

Model non-aggressive behaviors for your child

Teach your child conflict resolution skills

Shake up your interaction with your child

The Importance of Empathy

Model an awareness of how others may be feeling and your reaction to their emotions Repeatedly ask these questions:

How is that person feeling? How can you tell he/she is feeling that way? How would you feel if it happened to you?

Help your child become more effective at reading the body language, tone of voice, and non-verbal communication of others

Empathy is the cornerstone of building and maintaining successful

relationships.

Bullying vs. Peer Conflict

Equal power or are friends Happens occasionally Accidental Not serious Equal emotional reaction Not seeking power Remorse-will take

responsibility Effort to solve the problem

Imbalance of power Repeated negative actions Intentional Physical or emotional harm Unequal emotional reaction Seeking control/material

things No remorse-blames target No effort to solve the

problem

Normal Peer Conflict

Bullying

Answers to the Bully Quiz

Q&A Time