BULLYINGBULLYINGLove Thy Love Thy
Neighbor as Neighbor as ThyselfThyself
Janet A. Shadid, MSW/LSWJanet A. Shadid, MSW/LSW
2012 Orthodox Christian 2012 Orthodox Christian Camp, Youth Worker & OCF Camp, Youth Worker & OCF
Chaplain ConferenceChaplain Conference
Friday, January 27, 2012 Friday, January 27, 2012
ObjectivesObjectives
What is bullyingWhat is bullying Who is bullied and how to help themWho is bullied and how to help them Why people bully and ways to help Why people bully and ways to help
themthem Silence can be deadlySilence can be deadly Adult bulliesAdult bullies Bullying StatisticsBullying Statistics QuestionsQuestions
What Is Bullying?What Is Bullying?
Bullying takes place any time a Bullying takes place any time a person or group uses physical force, person or group uses physical force, insults or threats to ignore or hold insults or threats to ignore or hold power over another.power over another.
500 years ago “bully” meant friend, 500 years ago “bully” meant friend, family member or sweetheart. The family member or sweetheart. The root comes from the Dutch, meaning root comes from the Dutch, meaning lover or brother.lover or brother.
Different Types of Different Types of BullyingBullying
PhysicalPhysical VerbalVerbal Relationship – Spread rumors, refuse Relationship – Spread rumors, refuse
to talk to someone, make someone do to talk to someone, make someone do something he/she does not want to dosomething he/she does not want to do
Cyber – Refers to embarrassment, Cyber – Refers to embarrassment, threats, and harassment taking place threats, and harassment taking place through social mediathrough social media
People at Higher Risk of People at Higher Risk of Being BulliedBeing Bullied
People with disabilities, special needs, People with disabilities, special needs, health problemshealth problems
ObeseObese Gay, lesbian, or those questioning Gay, lesbian, or those questioning
their sexual identitiestheir sexual identities Those with poor social skills/immatureThose with poor social skills/immature Those with lower IQ’sThose with lower IQ’s Those with low self-esteemThose with low self-esteem
People Who Bully Tend People Who Bully Tend to …to …
Like violenceLike violence Be impulsive and have quick tempersBe impulsive and have quick tempers Show little empathy for victimsShow little empathy for victims Be aggressive to adultsBe aggressive to adults Be involved in rule breaking activitiesBe involved in rule breaking activities Like to dominate others in a negative Like to dominate others in a negative
wayway Gain satisfaction by inflicting injury Gain satisfaction by inflicting injury
and sufferingand suffering
People Who Bully Tend People Who Bully Tend to …to …
Receive “rewards” such as prestige, Receive “rewards” such as prestige, attention, possessionsattention, possessions
Steal, vandalizeSteal, vandalize Use drugs and/or alcoholUse drugs and/or alcohol Be truantBe truant Carry a weaponCarry a weapon Do poorly academicallyDo poorly academically Be four times more likely to have three or Be four times more likely to have three or
more convictions by age 24more convictions by age 24
Bullies Want Power & Bullies Want Power & AttentionAttention
The easiest way to get attention is to The easiest way to get attention is to do something negativedo something negative
Human nature is to focus on the Human nature is to focus on the negativenegative
Need to train ourselves to focus on Need to train ourselves to focus on the positivethe positive
Need to be genuine/honestNeed to be genuine/honest Need to be strong and not let others Need to be strong and not let others
manipulate usmanipulate us
Bullies Will Respect Those Bullies Will Respect Those Who…Who…
Make them earn rights & privilegesMake them earn rights & privileges Don’t play “let’s make a deal”Don’t play “let’s make a deal” Are fair, firm, consistent, calm and Are fair, firm, consistent, calm and
positivepositive Teach by exampleTeach by example Set clear boundariesSet clear boundaries
Ways To Teach…Ways To Teach…
Be an exampleBe an example Give positive feedbackGive positive feedback Give no feedbackGive no feedback Give appropriate consequencesGive appropriate consequences Talk less and listen moreTalk less and listen more Make the person accountableMake the person accountable Be respectfulBe respectful
Ways To Teach…Ways To Teach…
ListenListen ExplainExplain ImplementImplement Don’t try to be a friend Don’t try to be a friend Be a trusted and respectable adultBe a trusted and respectable adult Don’t laugh inappropriately “to be Don’t laugh inappropriately “to be
cool”cool” Focus on their strengthsFocus on their strengths Be positiveBe positive
Ways to Help Those Being Ways to Help Those Being BulliedBullied
Make them feel safe so they will talkMake them feel safe so they will talk Listen! Listen! Listen!Listen! Listen! Listen! Validate, even when bullied by an adultValidate, even when bullied by an adult DialogueDialogue Ask what they want you to doAsk what they want you to do EmpowermentEmpowerment Ask open-ended questionsAsk open-ended questions Offer honest suggestions, i.e., silly vs. Offer honest suggestions, i.e., silly vs.
funnyfunny
Ways to Help Those Ways to Help Those Being BulliedBeing Bullied
Explore what they can do differentlyExplore what they can do differently Be proactiveBe proactive Get others, such as peers, involvedGet others, such as peers, involved NEVERNEVER tell them how to feel or that tell them how to feel or that
they are over reactingthey are over reacting
A Bullied Person Tends A Bullied Person Tends to …to …
Perceive silence and inaction as Perceive silence and inaction as deserving of treatmentdeserving of treatment
Blame/bully selfBlame/bully self Believe what they are being told b/c Believe what they are being told b/c
they hear it enoughthey hear it enough Isolate, which leads to depression, Isolate, which leads to depression,
which can lead to suicidewhich can lead to suicide
A Bullied Person Tends A Bullied Person Tends to …to …
Become a bully because he/she…Become a bully because he/she… Wants to be acceptedWants to be accepted Thinks kids are laughing WITH him/her, Thinks kids are laughing WITH him/her,
not AT him/hernot AT him/her Finds it easier to do the wrong thing Finds it easier to do the wrong thing
rather than the right thingrather than the right thing Lies to him/herself and othersLies to him/herself and others
THE LADDER EXERCISETHE LADDER EXERCISE
Dealing with Adults Who Dealing with Adults Who BullyBully
Teach through our actionsTeach through our actions Tone of voiceTone of voice Little things turn into big thingsLittle things turn into big things Positivity growsPositivity grows Negativity growsNegativity grows
Dealing with Adults Who Dealing with Adults Who BullyBully
Be approachableBe approachable Watch body language/facial Watch body language/facial
expressionsexpressions Respectfully and privately approach Respectfully and privately approach
adult bulliesadult bullies Diffuse the situationDiffuse the situation
Food for ThoughtFood for Thought
WE CANNOT CHANGE A PERSON WE CANNOT CHANGE A PERSON OR SITUATION BUT WE CAN OR SITUATION BUT WE CAN CHANGE HOW WE REACT TO THE CHANGE HOW WE REACT TO THE PERSON OR SITUATIONPERSON OR SITUATION
More Food for ThoughtMore Food for Thought
Balance is the keyBalance is the key We cannot save everyone, we can only try We cannot save everyone, we can only try
our bestour best We need to consider the whole situationWe need to consider the whole situation Little steps turn into big stepsLittle steps turn into big steps We need to take care of ourselves We need to take care of ourselves St. Seraphim of Sarov: “Acquire the Spirit of St. Seraphim of Sarov: “Acquire the Spirit of
Peace and you will save a thousand souls Peace and you will save a thousand souls around you”around you”
ASK GOD FOR GUIDANCEASK GOD FOR GUIDANCE
BULLYING STATISTICSBULLYING STATISTICS
160,000 students miss school every day 160,000 students miss school every day due to fear of attack or intimidationdue to fear of attack or intimidation
15% of all school absenteeism is 15% of all school absenteeism is directly related to fears of being bullieddirectly related to fears of being bullied
71% of students report incidents of 71% of students report incidents of bullying as a problem at their schoolbullying as a problem at their school
1 out of 20 students has seen a student 1 out of 20 students has seen a student with a gun at schoolwith a gun at school
BULLYING STATISTICSBULLYING STATISTICS 30% of students who reported they had 30% of students who reported they had
been bullied had, at times, brought been bullied had, at times, brought weapons to schoolweapons to school
282,000 students are physically attacked 282,000 students are physically attacked in secondary schools each monthin secondary schools each month
90% of 490% of 4thth through 8 through 8thth graders report graders report being victims of bullyingbeing victims of bullying
Revenge is the strongest motivation for Revenge is the strongest motivation for school shootingsschool shootings
100,000 students carry a gun to school100,000 students carry a gun to school
BULLYING STATISTICSBULLYING STATISTICS
2/3 of students who are targets 2/3 of students who are targets become bulliesbecome bullies
20% of high school students have 20% of high school students have SERIOUSLY considered suicideSERIOUSLY considered suicide
Every seven minutes a child is bulliedEvery seven minutes a child is bullied Adult intervention Adult intervention 4%4% Peer intervention Peer intervention 11%11% No intervention No intervention 85%85%
BULLYING STATISTICSBULLYING STATISTICS
Bullying was a factor in 2/3 of the 37 Bullying was a factor in 2/3 of the 37 school shootings reviewed by the U.S. school shootings reviewed by the U.S. Secret ServiceSecret Service
Kids become more tolerant of bullying Kids become more tolerant of bullying as they grow olderas they grow older
Many kids don’t believe there is a Many kids don’t believe there is a system in place to protect themsystem in place to protect them
Much bullying takes place even when Much bullying takes place even when an adult is presentan adult is present
BULLYING STATISTICSBULLYING STATISTICS
The older kids get, the less likely they are The older kids get, the less likely they are to talk to their parents and teachers about to talk to their parents and teachers about bullyingbullying
Bullying is happening at earlier ages, more Bullying is happening at earlier ages, more frequently and incidents are more violentfrequently and incidents are more violent
According to a bullying study in 2007, the According to a bullying study in 2007, the top 5 worst states to live in are CA, NY, IL, top 5 worst states to live in are CA, NY, IL, PA, WAPA, WA
Over ½ of all bullying incidents go Over ½ of all bullying incidents go unreported; Cyber bullying is even lessunreported; Cyber bullying is even less
BULLYING STATISTICSBULLYING STATISTICS
A bully is 5 times more likely to have A bully is 5 times more likely to have a serious criminal record when a serious criminal record when he/she grows uphe/she grows up
The average child has watched The average child has watched 8,000 televised murders and 8,000 televised murders and 100,000 acts of violence before 100,000 acts of violence before finishing elementary schoolfinishing elementary school
QUESTIONSQUESTIONS
COMMENTSCOMMENTS
