Chapter 4

Writing for Effect

Read the following letter.Dear Mr. Morley:

Your December 3rd complaint was received and contents noted. After reviewing the facts, I regret to report that I must refuse your claim. If you will read the warranty brochure, you will see that the shelving you bought is designed for light loads --- a maximum of 800 pounds. You should have bought the heavy-duty product.

I regret the damage this mistake caused you and trust that you will see our position. Hoping to be of service o you in the future, I remain,

Sincerely yours,

In this message you detect more than just the readability problem you saw in Max’s reports.

The words are not polite. Instead of showing concern for the reader, they are blunt, tactless, and unfriendly.

Overall, they leave a bad impression in the reader’s mind --- the impression of a writer, and a business, unconcerned about the needs for good human relations.

Business Etiquette and the Need for Effect Written communication within a business primarily

requires clarity. Business writing requires clarity and planned effect. The goodwill effect is valuable to business. Wise business leaders know that the success of their

business is affected by what people think about the business.

They know that what people think about a business is influenced by their human contact with that business: the services they receive, how they are treated, the manners (etiquette) displayed, and such. The written word is a major form of human contact.

Most people enjoy building goodwill.

Conversational Style

One technique that helps build the goodwill effect is to write in conversational language.

By conversational language we mean language that resembles conversation.

It is warm and natural. Such language leaves an impression that people

like. It is also the language we use most and understand

best. Because it is easily understood, it is good business

etiquette to use it.

Resisting the Tendency to Be Formal Writing in conversational language is not

easy, for we tend to be stiff and formal. We seek the big word, the difficult word. The

result is cold and unnatural style --- one that doesn’t produce the goodwill effect you want your messages to have.

The following examples illustrate this problem and how to correct it.

Stiff and Dull Conversational

Reference is made to your May 7 email, in which you describe the approved procedure for initiating a claim.

Please refer to your May 7 email, in which you tell how to file a claim.

Enclosed herewith is the brochure about which you make inquiry.

Enclosed is the brochure you asked about.

I shall be most pleased to avail (gain) myself of your kind suggestion when and if prices decline.

I’ll gladly follow your suggestion if the price falls.

Cutting Out “Rubber Stamps” Rubber stamps (also called clichés) are expressions

used by habit every time a certain type of situation occurs. They are used without thought and do not fit the present situation exclusively.

These phrases, while once quite appropriate, have become stale with overuse. A blessing in disguise As good as gold Last but not the least Back against the wall

Cutting Out “Rubber Stamps” Expressions from the old language of

business are rubber stamps. Some new ones exist. I am happy to be able to answer your message. I have received your message. This will acknowledge receipt of …. According to our records… This is to inform you that…. In accordance with your instructions…

You can avoid rubber stamps by writing in your conversational vocabulary.

Dull and Stiff Friendly and Conversational

Please be advised that you should sign the form before the 1st.

You should sign the form before the 1st.

Hoping this meets with your approval….

I hope you approve

I deem it advisable.… I suggest…

Kindly advise at an early date.

Please let me know soon.

You-Viewpoint

Writing from the you-viewpoint (also called you-attitude) is another technique for building goodwill in written messages.

You-viewpoint writing emphasizes the reader’s interests and concerns.

It is an attitude of mind involving more than the use of you and yours.

You-Viewpoint

Example:I am happy to report…..

You-viewpoint: You will be happy to know….

Example:We make Kodak digital cameras in three levels: beginner, intermediate, and professional.

You-viewpoint:Kodak makes cameras for you in three models: basic, standard, and full-featured.

You-Viewpoint

Even a bad-news situation can benefit from you-viewpoint wording.

We cannot comply with your request to use our staff on your project, for it would cost us more than we can afford.

You-viewpoint:

As a business professor, you will understand why we must limit our staff to work in our office.

We-Viewpoint You-Viewpoint

We have been quite tolerant of your past-due account and must now demand payment.

If you are to continue to enjoy the benefits of credit buying, you must clear your account now.

We have received your report of May 1.

Thank you for your report of May 1.

We require that you sign the sales slip before we will charge to your account.

For your protection, you are charged only after you have signed the sales slip.

You-Viewpoint

Some say that the you-viewpoint is insincere and manipulative.

It can be insincere, but it need not be. Using the you-viewpoint is just being

courteous. Research supports its use.

Accent on Positive Language Of the many ways of saying anything, each

has a unique meaning. Positive words are usually best for message

goals, especially where persuasion and goodwill is needed.

Negative words stir up resistance and hurt goodwill.

So beware of strongly negative words (mistake, problems), words that deny (no, do not), and ugly words (itch, guts).

Example:

We regret to inform you that we cannot permit you to use our auditorium for your meeting, as the Ladies Investment Club asked for it first. We can, however, let you use our conference room, but it seats only 60.

Compared to

Although the Ladies Investment Club has reserved the auditorium for Saturday, we can instead offer you our conference room, which seats 60.

Negative Positive

Smoking is not permitted anywhere except in the lobby.

Smoking is permitted in the lobby only.

We cannot deliver until Friday.

We can deliver the goods on Friday.

We regret to inform you that we must deny your request for credit.

For the time being, we can serve you on a cash basis only.

Courtesy

Courtesy is a major contributor to goodwill in business documents.

Courtesy involves the preceding goodwill techniques, and also some other techniques discussed below.

Courtesy

1. Singling out your reader: It involves writing directly for the one reader. This means writing for the one situation.

2. Refraining from preaching: The effect of courtesy is helped by not preaching (lecturing). Usually preaching is not intended. It often results from efforts to persuade.Elementary, flat, and obvious statements often sound preachy.

Courtesy

Example:You must take advantage of savings like this if you are to be successful. The pennies you save pile up. In time you will have dollars.

It is insulting to tell the reader something quite elementary as if it were not known. Such obvious information should be omitted.

Another form of preachiness takes this obvious question-and-answer pattern:

“Would you like to make a deal that would make you a 38% profit? Of course you would!”

Courtesy

3. Doing more than is expected: for example, at the end of question paper, some teachers write “Good luck!”

4. Avoiding anger: It destroys goodwill.Example: If you had read Section IV of your policy, you

would know that you are not covered on accidents that occur on water.

Compared toAs a review of Section IV of your policy indicates,

you are covered on accidents that occur on the grounds of your residence only.

Courtesy

Other examples:

I cannot understand your negligence.

We will not tolerate this condition.

Your careless attitude has caused us a loss in sales.

5. Being sincere: Too much you-viewpoint sounds insincere. Exaggerated statements are obviously insincere. Superlatives (greatest, finest, strongest, etc.) often suggest exaggeration.

Courtesy

Examples: Never has there been, nor will there be, a

fan as smooth running and whispering quiet as the North Wind.

Everywhere coffee drinkers meet, they are talking about the amazing whiteness of Colgate gives their teeth.

The Role of Emphasis Emphasis also determines effect. Every item

communicated should get the proper emphasis.

There are four basic emphasis techniques.1. Emphasis by position: Position determines

emphasis. Beginnings and endings carry emphasis.

The first and last sentences of a message, the first and last sentences of a paragraph, and the first and last words of a sentence all carry more importance than the middle parts.

The Role of Emphasis

2. Space and emphasis: The more space a topic is given, the more emphasis the topic receives.

3. Sentence structure and emphasis: Short, simple sentences emphasize content; long, involved ones do not.

4. Mechanical means of emphasis: Mechanical devices (underscore, color, diagrams, etc.) also give emphasis to content.