Regenesis means making new beginnings using eternal principles in innovative ways. Regenesis believes that the goal of every home- owner association board should be to promote harmony by effective planning, communication and compassion. The Regenesis Report provides resources and management tools for just that purpose. Every month, articles of common interest to homeowner associations nationwide are offered along with innovative strategies for addressing common problems. Managing an HOA can be a lonely and frustrating task. Take heart. Help is on the way. RICHARD L. THOMPSON EDITOR & PUBLISHER [email protected]Regenesis, Inc. PO Box 19605 Portland OR 97280 www.Regenesis.net PH 503.481.7974 Regenesis.net The world’s best information resource for condominium and homeowner associations. Includes Ask the HOA Expert™. Unlock the vault of knowledge for pennies a day. Subscribe Today! The Regenesis Report Portland Edition Innovative Homeowner Association Management Strategies Priceless Dealing with a Crazy Board Usually, the number of irrational or unreasonable owners greatly outweighs the number of irrational boards. That said, there are instances where boards or individual board members act outside their authority, act irrationally, or simply ignore legitimate complaints or calls for action by homeowners. What should be done when a board or manager fail to enforce the governing documents fairly and consistently? What if a board or manager refuse an owner's request to review HOA documents? Or denies an owner's request for a hearing? In each of these circumstances, the owner should be able to point to particular provisions of the governing documents which require explicit action and compliance by the board. If a homeowner believes the board is failing to respond appropriately or acting irrationally, they should: 1. Articulate the issue(s) in writing as succinctly as possible; 2. Gather all relevant written documentation; 3. Review the HOA's governing documents (Articles of Incorporation; Declaration, Bylaws, Rules & Regulations) and identify which provisions control over the issue(s); and 4. Identify all relevant persons who are witnesses, parties or have other persons with knowledge of the facts and circumstances giving rise to the issue. The owner should then draft a concise written letter or request to the board that embodies the four factors described above. If the HOA is professionally managed, then a copy of the letter should be sent to the manager. The homeowner association's governing documents should have a process already in place to resolve the dispute. If so, the owner should identify the process and insist on board compliance. If not, and if the board does not respond adequately to the owner's letter, then the owner can request a meeting with the board. If the board continues to dismiss or ignore the owner and if the manager is ineffective in helping to resolve the dispute, then the owner should seek legal counsel. Keep in mind that many association governing documents require mediation or similar dispute resolution process be conducted prior to a lawsuit being filed. If an owner does not wish to seek legal assistance, and if they feel the board is failing to follow its governing documents and otherwise acting irresponsibly or irrationally, then the owner may wish to try to unseat the board through a special election. An HOA's governing documents ordinarily outline the process for removing a board member or entire board. The key to reducing and resolving disputes between the "crazies" (whether homeowners or boards) is to rely strictly upon the homeowner association's governing documents. A modicum of common sense and reasonableness also go a long way to solving the problem. If all else fails and the board cannot be removed via special election, then mediation or court interaction may be required. If so, in claims arising from enforcement or disputes, many governing documents allow the prevailing party to recover reasonable attorney's fees and costs. By Dan Zimberoff of Barker Martin The Regenesis Report June 2020 1
Transcript
Regenesis means makingnew beginnings usingeternal principles ininnovative ways. Regenesis believes that the goal of every home-owner association boardshould be to promoteharmony by effectiveplanning, communicationand compassion.
The Regenesis Reportprovides resources andmanagement tools for just that purpose. Everym on t h , a r t i c les o fcommon interest tohomeowner associationsnationwide are offeredalong with innovativestrategies for addressingcommon problems.
Managing an HOA can bea lonely and frustratingtask. Take heart. Help ison the way.
resource for condominiumand homeowner associations.
Includes Ask the HOAExpert™. Unlock the vault ofknowledge for pennies a day.
Subscribe Today!
The Regenesis Report
Portland Edition Innovative Homeowner Association Management Strategies Priceless
Dealing with a Crazy BoardUsually, the number of irrational orunreasonable owners greatly outweighs thenumber of irrational boards. That said,there are instances where boards orindividual board members act outside theirauthority, act irrationally, or simply ignorelegitimate complaints or calls for action byhomeowners.
What should be done when a board ormanager fail to enforce the governingdocuments fairly and consistently? What ifa board or manager refuse an owner'srequest to review HOA documents? Ordenies an owner's request for a hearing? Ineach of these circumstances, the ownershould be able to point to particularprovisions of the governing documentswhich require explicit action andcompliance by the board.
If a homeowner believes the board isfailing to respond appropriately or actingirrationally, they should:
1. Articulate the issue(s) in writing assuccinctly as possible;
2. Gather al l relevant writtendocumentation;
3. Review the HOA's governing documents(Articles of Incorporation; Declaration,Bylaws, Rules & Regulations) and identifywhich provisions control over the issue(s);and
4. Identify all relevant persons who arewitnesses, parties or have other personswith knowledge of the facts andcircumstances giving rise to the issue.
The owner should then draft a concisewritten letter or request to the board thatembodies the four factors described above.If the HOA is professionally managed, thena copy of the letter should be sent to themanager.
The homeowner association's governingdocuments should have a process alreadyin place to resolve the dispute. If so, theowner should identify the process and
insist on board compliance. If not, and if theboard does not respond adequately to theowner's letter, then the owner can request ameeting with the board.
If the board continues to dismiss or ignorethe owner and if the manager is ineffectivein helping to resolve the dispute, then theowner should seek legal counsel. Keep inmind that many association governingdocuments require mediation or similardispute resolution process be conductedprior to a lawsuit being filed.
If an owner does not wish to seek legalassistance, and if they feel the board isfailing to follow its governing documentsand otherwise acting irresponsibly orirrationally, then the owner may wish to tryto unseat the board through a specialelection. An HOA's governing documentsordinarily outline the process for removing aboard member or entire board.
The key to reducing and resolving disputesbetween the "crazies" (whether homeownersor boards) is to rely strictly upon thehomeowner association's governingdocuments. A modicum of common senseand reasonableness also go a long way tosolving the problem. If all else fails and theboard cannot be removed via specialelection, then mediation or court interactionmay be required. If so, in claims arising fromenforcement or disputes, many governingdocuments allow the prevailing party torecover reasonable attorney's fees and costs.
By Dan Zimberoff of Barker Martin
The Regenesis Report June 20201
Ask the HOA Expert
QIn our HOA, many of theoriginal old wooden fencesneed to be replaced. Thegoverning documents address
fence design and material but do notmention height. The board has issuedfence guidelines which state that themaximum height is five feet. Some ofour members have challenged theboard’s policy since they want a sixfoot fence.
AArchitectural and designpolicies like fences are oftenenacted by the board. If theboard has a reasonable basis for
setting the five foot limit (like that hasbeen the standard for years), it hasevery right to do so. The fact that somemay not agree is no surprise. Welcometo America. But the board has theauthority to set such policies andamend them later if there is acompelling reason to do so.
QOur HOA has a strict policy inorder to preserve thestreetscape and preventclear-cutting. The board gets
requests from time to time frommembers asking permission to cuttrees. We will inspect and sometimesapprove the cutting if there is disease ordamage. If not, the requests are denied.
We now have a resident who isrequesting to cut two tall pine trees thatare close to his house due to thepotential of the trees falling. He isstating that the HOA will be liable ifthe tree falls. Is the HOA exempt fromsuch liability if the governingdocuments state that significant treescannot be cut?
ABesides the falling tree issue isthe potential fire hazard. Treesshould be located at least 30feet from structures, especially
if they are highly flammable like pinetrees. There is also the issue of treelimbs damaging the roof and the treescausing foundation damage when theysway in the wind.
But to address a specific request, itwould be prudent to get a licensedarborist to review the trees in question.
If the arborist believes they are adanger, they should be removed.Otherwise, they should not. The boardis not responsible for acts of God, onlyfor handling business in a prudentmanner. Use experts to your advantage.
QWhat do you think aboutplacing a time limit on theboard meetings? There aresome members that believe that
there should be no time limit and othersthat believe there should be.
AGenerally, board meetingsshould not go longer than twohours. This seems to be theaverage time limit for sustained
human concentration. Board meetingsshould always have a set agendatogether with proposals, informationand recommendations circulated inadvance to the directors for review. Inother words, the directors should notarrive at the meeting cold and clueless. They should have a good idea about thetopics of discussion and be preparedonly to clarify the issues before an upor down vote. Board meetings shouldnever involve rambling discussion. Board meetings are intended to transactbusiness. Stick to the agenda, getbusiness done and adjourn the meetingin two hours or less.
Having short board meetings is aneffective recruiting tool for good boardmembers. Successful business peoplevalue their own personal time and willbe more inclined to volunteer if themeetings are run in a businesslike way.
QOur pool and clubhouse are 15years old. The board wants tobuild a larger pool and upgradethe clubhouse which would
require a $200,000 special assessmentand drain our reserves.
AThe board has no authority toexpand the common areaamenities. Its authority is tomaintain existing amenities in
good condition. However, if anappropriate majority of the membersare in favor of raising and spending thismoney for this purpose, that isa cc e p t a bl e . Howe ve r , t he“appropriate” majority may be a supermajority of two thirds or moredepending on how your governingdocuments read. This requirementcould effectively kill the proposal.
QWe did not have a quorum atour last annual meeting. So, themanager passed out blankproxies for people to sign just
in case they couldn’t attend therescheduled meeting. When I askedwho would be the appointee for theproxies, I was told that they would bedivided among the board members. Isthis the way it is usually done?
AProxies should have beendistributed and collected inadvance of the original annualmeeting to ensure there was a
quorum. It’s up to the board andmanager to make sure those proxies arecollected before the meeting to makesure a quorum is secured, not simply hope enough people show up. Gettingmembers to return proxies in advancetakes persistence but is extremelyimportant.
As far as the proxy process itself isconcerned, a member has the right todesignate a representative to act ontheir behalf at an annual or specialmember meeting. If that member eitherdoes not select a representative or thechosen representative fails to attend themeeting, the proxy could include an
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alternative to allow “one of thedirectors of the board” to vote on theirbehalf. If a member isn’t comfortablewith a board member voting, the proxyshould include another alternativewhich states “If my designatedrepresentative fails to attend themeeting, this proxy is to be used forquorum purposes only.” This way, theshow can still go on.
F o r a s a mp l e p r o x y , s e ewww.Regenesis.net Forms sections.
Going It AloneWhether due to rugged individualism,frugality or lack of viable alternatives,most homeowner associations are self-managed. One might suspect that mostself-directed HOAs are small or lackingin common area amenities. Actually,many are quite large, complex and thekind that would typically haveprofessional management. What causedthem to go solo and what are some ofthe dynamics of self management?
According to The Owner’s andManager’s Guide to CondominiumManagement "For self-management tobe successful, unit owners must haveplenty of time and experience, and aprofessional attitude toward their workfor the association. For example, thetreasurer must understand accountingand be willing to devote a significantamount of time to the maintenance ofproper financial records and timelycollections. The chair of the landscapecommittee should have gardeningexperience so that either a landscapecontractor or a gardener can beproperly supervised. If the associationis fortunate enough to have memberswho have the three main attributes--talent, time and concern--self-management may be the best choice.”
Size of the development is an importantfactor. Although it should not be theultimate factor in deciding to self-manage, a sound case can be made for
limiting self-management to HOAs offewer than 30 units with limitedcommon area space and no recreationalfacilities. The larger HOAs have morework. Most volunteers don’t want orneed another job, particularly an unpaidone.
The main advantage of self-management is cost. However, if themotivation for adopting self-management is purely economic, theboard should consider that decisionclosely. It makes little sense to saveeach owner a few dollars a month inmanagement fees when the value oftheir property many decrease bythousands of dollars as a result of thatdecision.
Equally important is the question ofwho directs contractors, employees andvolunteers. Supervision cannot comefrom an owner who simply wants to bethe boss. Supervision should come onlyfrom a person with time and experienceto oversee and control workperformance properly.
The board must consider the legalimplications of self-management, sincethe board itself is liable for itsdecisions or indecision. The board’sresponsibility is to both fellow ownersand the general public.
Although many governing documentscontain a hold harmless clause thatseeks to protect board members fromlegal repercussions for their actions,this does not prevent their being suedfor mismanagement.
If the members consider self-management to be an adventure,enthusiasm may be high enough to besuccessful. However, that initialenthusiasm usually wanes as thedemands on volunteers increase. Abreakdown in the volunteer systemspells disaster for continuity. Today’s"house-afire" is tomorrow’s "burn-out".
Consider the two really nasty aspects ofself-management: having to enforcerules on or collect past due fees fromyour neighbors. Suddenly, the neighborrelationship becomes a master-servantrelationship and neither party enjoysthe new role it must play.
Controlling one’s own destiny in ahomeowner association is a sea fraughtwith storms and smooth sailing. Underthe right set of circumstances, self-management can work. As long as theapproach is professional and business-like with a positive, affirming attitude,it can click. If it isn’t clicking, considerthe alternatives that professionals canoffer.
Rule Enforcement GuideOne of the functions of a homeownerassociation (HOA) is to enforce certainrules and covenants. It's good toperiodically review old practices andcheck against established norms toconfirm that your HOA runs a soundenforcement program.
Generally, it is the board's fiduciaryduty to enforce the rules but the boardhas some latitude when and what toenforce based on its best businessjudgment. The key is for the board notto be selective, arbitrary or capriciousin how it handles enforcement. It isimpractical to expect that a board canmaintain absolute vigilance and catcheach and every rule violation. Instead,the board should react when informedby a reliable source.
Here is a list of the typical remediesavailable to an HOA that seeks toenforce its rules:
1. Impose a Fine. This power istypically derived from the governingdocuments. A fine could be monetaryor a suspension of privileges like poolor clubhouse. Of course, suspension ofprivileges is only effective if themember actually uses the amenities. Monetary fines can be escalating (like
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$5/day until cured).
2. Impose a Lien. If a fine is not paid,the HOA usually has the right to file alien against a member’s HOA property. This may not immediately get the finepaid but in most cases, the threat offiling a lien alone will. The HOA isusually entitled to reasonable attorney,collection and related fees as wellwhich will increase the amount owed. This is also a great incentive to gettingthe fine paid early.
3. County Court or District Court. The HOA is always represented by anattorney since these courts have rulesand procedures which only lawyersunderstand. Court litigation isexpensive and should not beundertaken lightly. Make sure theexpense and effort fits the crime. We’ve all read about the time, emotionand money squandered on “matters ofprinciple”. The board has the power tocompromise when it’s in the best andfinancial interest of the HOA.
4. Self-Help. In certain circumstances,the HOA can self-help by correctingthe violation. Examples includehauling a junk vehicle, cleaning up anovergrown lot and removing a violatingfence. Rather than ratcheting up legaland collection fees, it makes sense totake action and bill the offendingmember which, granted, may requirelegal action to collect. Even so, at leastthe offending issue is dealt with. Ifself-help is contemplated, make sure tokeep copies of all correspondence thatoutlines that option if the member doesnot respond. Take photos of theoffense for the record as well.
5. Mediation. Mediation can be verycost-effective and less confrontationalway to cure a violation when a memberhas dug in their heels. Mediators aretrained in the art of compromise. Manyjurisdictions provide mediation services free or cheaply.
6. Using the Police. All municipalitieshave ordinances against nuisances,inoperable vehicles, disorderly conduct,disturbing the peace, etc. The HOAshould always consider contacting thelocal authorities when handling certainviolations as these agencies are betterequipped and authorized to deal with
some matters. At the very least, theHOA should maintain a good rapportwith local law enforcement andgovernment offices and cooperate withthem when these entities are brought into investigate a resident's misconduct.
By William G. Gammon
Pool School RulesThe climate in many northern statesoffers limited access to outdoor poolfacilities, generally from Memorial Daythrough Labor Day. Without the properprecautions and safety measures inplace, swimming pools can be hazardous for both adults and children.
Many elements such as weather,temperature, rain, sunshine, oils,lotions, sweat and urine, etc., have aninfluence on water clarity and purity. Itis important that regular inspections ofthe water and mechanical equipment beperformed and recorded on a log incompliance with local or staterequirements. A regular review of themaintenance and chemical treatmentlogs, combined with needed preventivemaintenance adjustments, will assure aseason of uninterrupted fun andenjoyment.
Pool Safety Considerations:
• There is no substitute for adequatesupervision. The “buddy system” isalways a good practice. Even goodswimmers can drown if they bumptheir head, become entrapped, or havea medical emergency.
• Pools are an “attractive nuisance” andmost state and local statutes require,at minimum, a four foot fence with aself closing and lockable mechanismon the gate.
• Pool rules should also be prominentlydisplayed. Rules and regulations canbe community specific and shouldalways be board approved.
• Rescue equipment should be readilyaccessible and include a ring buoy,life hook and backboard. First aid kitsshould be visible and nearby.
• Alcohol consumption should becarefully controlled or prohibited inthe pool area.
Chemical Storage Considerations:• Store in a cool, dry, well ventilated
area that is kept locked. Do not leavechemicals sitting in the sun or in anenclosed area in which heat builds up.
• Keep chemicals separate from eachother and from other chemicals.Violent reactions such as explosions,fire or noxious gas production canoccur. Never mix chemicals together.
• Do not stack chemicals containers ontop of each other.
• Always replace lids and capsimmediately and firmly after eachuse.
• Post Material Safety Data Sheets(MSDS) data and emergencyinformation and telephone numbersnear by.
• Never allow smoking around thechemicals; fire or explosion couldresult.
Facts and Statistics Considerations:• 75% of drowning victims studied by
the Consumer Product Safety Councilwere between 1 and 2 years old; 65%of this group were boys.
• Drowning incidents involvingchildren happen quickly. A child candrown in the time it takes to answer atelephone. 75% of the victims hadbeen missing for less than fiveminutes.
• Child drowning is a silent death; thereis rarely splashing to alert anyone thatthere is trouble.
• Survival for a child or an adultdepends on rescuing quickly andrestarting the breathing process;seconds count in preventing death orbrain damage.
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Pools are a great way to socialize withneighbors and friends. Properlymaintained and controlled pools canoffer many hours of fun and games. Enjoy!
Paint a Montana SunsetHave you ever stood awestruck by aMontana sunset? Firey gold dissolvesto a burnt orange chased by a sultry red sliding into fleeting blue and then aswarming purple dotted with a twinkleof impending starlight. It leaves eventhe hardest heart speechless.
Color is a wonderful and inspiring gift. Using paint to color your homeownerassociation can provide a profound anduplifting psychological boost to theresidents. Artfully chosen, color canturn a dungeon into a delight and astuck-in-the past look into a liberatingtrend setter. Here are some thoughts.
Create Space. Off whites and palepastels can be used to create alarger-than-life effect on exteriorfacades. Because light colors don'tassert themselves, they open spaces.This is why white ceilings create anexpansive feeling.
Outline for emphasis. To accentarchitectural details, paint them with acolor that contrasts the background andimmediately draws the eye. Exteriorfeatures like railings and window peaksare good candidates for such emphasis.
Hide Flaws. Just as color can accent,it can also camouflage. To makeunwanted architectural distractionsdisappear, simply paint them the samecolor as the walls. Misplaced doorsvanish quickly when treated like anextension of the wall they interrupt. Bypainting them the same color, the eyedoesn't have as compelling a reason tostop and dwell, so it searches for acontrasting element.
No Rules. There are no hard, fastrules for paint and color selection, justgeneral guidelines. It's best to work
with a quality paint supplier within-house design consultants who canmaximize product and colorcapabilities. They are often willing toprepare color boards with alternatechoices for the Board's or owners'consideration. at no extra charge. They can also recommend reliablepainting contractors which work wellwith homeowner associations.
Paint color options are as numerous asthe stars in a Montana night sky. Consider the rainbow of possibilities asyou approach your next major paintingproject.
Electing the WorthyHomeowner associations are designedto be representative democraciesgoverned by a board of directorselected by the members. Electingdirectors to the board that canthoughtfully govern is extremelyimportant. To accomplish this,elections must be carefully planned, nothatched at the last minute. Here areimportant components of a successfulelection process:
Find Worthy Candidates. Whenseeking nominations, a job descriptionshould be prepared so potentialcandidates know what is expected ofthem. Some refuse to run because theyfear the unknown or an open-endedcommitment. The director job and termof office can easily be summarized in aparagraph as can the descriptions ofofficer jobs (president, treasurer andsecretary). Take the time to make sureall potential candidates understand andcommit to fulfilling the job descriptionby informing them of expectations inadvance.
Candidates are identified a number ofways:
1. By a Nominating Committee. Theboard can appoint a NominatingCommittee which can identify,interview and recommend certainindividuals for election. While theN o m i n a t i n g C o m m i t t e e ’ s
recommendations are worth ofconsidering, any member in goodstanding is still entitled to run for officeeven if not recommended by theCommittee.
2. Nominated by Self or Others. Anymember may nominate themselves orbe nominated by another member. It’sbest to do this as soon as thenomination process begins, far inadvance of the annual meeting, so thename and credentials can be known toall members. Since it is common forsome members not to attend themeeting and to provide a proxy tosomeone that does, if a candidate is notknown in advance, those not attendingthe meeting will not have the ability tosupport that candidate.
3. Nominated at the Annual Meeting. Nominations are usually accepted fromthe floor at the annual meeting. Unfortunately, this option fails toinform members who have not attendedthe meeting, It is often difficult to getelected when nominated from the floorunless there are not enough candidatesto fill vacancies.
4. Write-in Candidate. Writingsomeone’s name on a ballot does notensure that person is actually qualifiedfor the job or interested in runningunless the person was nominated fromthe floor.
Candidate Qualifications. Candidatesshould present their qualifications andplatforms to the members in writing. This can be done door to door, byemail, by letter, in the HOA newsletter,by the HOA website and at the annualmeeting where the candidates can alsoanswer questions posed by owners. Since some members may not be ableto attend the meeting, circulatingcandidate qualifications before themeeting is very important.
It is definitely in the HOA’s bestinterest to identify candidates who haveexperience that will benefit the HOAsuch as:
• Having an organized president isessential. Seek those that arecomfortable in that role.
• Having a treasurer who regularlyworks with financial matters like abookkeeper or CPA.
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• Having a secretary who understandsor can learn the art of minutes taking.
• Having directors that are availableand committed to attend all boardmeetings. This requirement cannot beunderstated. If board meetings fail toachieve a quorum or directors,official business cannot be done.
Conducting an Election. This is arelatively straight forward process. Remind the voters that all candidatesare running for director positions, notoffices (president, treasurer orsecretary). Officer positions aredecided by the board itself and subjectto board majority vote. While certaincandidates may be running for electionand hoping for a certain office, itdoesn’t always turn out that way ifthere are two or more directors vyingfor the same office.
If the HOA has many voting members,elections should be conducted early inthe meeting so the results can be tabulated and announced during themeeting. Election inspectors should beappointed to count the ballots andcertify that the results are accurate.Inspectors should have no interest inthe election outcome. Winners shouldbe announced during the AnnualMeeting with terms to startimmediately following the meeting.
Voting in Person or by Proxy. Ideally, each member should attend theannual meeting in person to cast aballot. However, for a variety ofreasons, some may choose to assigntheir voting rights to a “proxy”. Aproxy is the written authorization thatallows one person to appoint another(the proxy holder) to vote on his behalf. A proxy holder can usually be any oneof legal age and is not required to be anHOA member. So proxies can be givento relatives, friends, attorneys andothers.
State law and the HOA’s governingdocuments may specify whether proxyvoting may be used and may addressthe type of proxy (general or directed)and content of the proxy. A generalproxy allows the proxy holder to makethe decision on behalf of the proxygiver while a directed proxy requiresthe proxy holder to carry out the proxygiver’s specific directions. For as a m p l e p r o x y , g o t owww.Regenesis.net
Good board members act to protect theinterests of all members. Handle thecandidate selection process carefully byseeking out the best candidatesavailable. When it comes to boardelections, rather than expect a trainwreck, elect the worthy!
Enhancing a RelationshipWhen it comes to expressing feelings,many long-term relationships fall intopatterns of complacency andpredictability. You may be able toenhance your relationship by doingthese things:
Go for a walk together. This gets youaway from distractions and opens thedoor for conversation.
Show your appreciation. Expressthanks for something your partner doeswell, especially if you haven't said itlately.
Listen attentively. Be open to hearingyour partner's thoughts and feelings.Truly consider what your partner saysrather than debate or immediately try tomake your own point.
Just say it: "I love you". But don't stopthere. Come up with specific reasons. Ifthis is too difficult to do in person, pena thoughtful letter.
Do something your partner likes butyou usually wouldn't do. Be open toenjoying it. Don't tease, gripe or mockyour partner's interest.
Become curious. Ask what your partnerthinks, wants and feels. Listen forthings that might surprise you, and letyour partner know that you enjoyedhearing about it.
Try something new together. Explorean activity that neither of you has donebefore. Learn a new game or take afitness class together..
Dr. Daniel Roberts Mayo Clinic HealthLetter
Three QuestionsThe day finally arrived: Forrest Gumpdies and goes to Heaven. He is met bySt. Peter who says, "Well, Forrest,we’ve certainly have heard a lot aboutyou. Part of the check-in procedureincludes a short test to determine whereyou fit best. There are three questions:
1. What two days of the week beginwith the letter "T"?2. How many seconds are there in ayear? and,3. What is God's first name?"
Forrest mulls it over and replies: "Well,the first one is easy. The two dayswould be Today and Tomorrow."Peter’s eyes open wide, he smiles andsays, "Forrest, that’s not the answer Iwas looking for but you do have apoint, so I'll give you credit for it."
Forrest beams and says, "And theanswer to the second question istwelve". Astounded, Peter says,"Twelve? How in heaven's name couldyou come up with twelve seconds in ayear?" Forrest says "Shucks, there'sgotta be twelve: January 2nd, February2nd, March 2nd..." "Hold it, " interruptsPeter. "Again, that wasn't quite what Ihad in mind, but I'll give you credit forthat one too."
"So", says Peter. "Can you tell meGod's first name"? "Sure" says Forrest."It’s Andy." "Andy?" exclaims theexasperated Peter. "How did you comeup with the name Andy?" "Heck, thatwas the easiest one of all," Forrestreplied. "I learned it at Sunday Schoolfrom a song: "Andy walks with me,Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I’mhis own"
Peter slowly cast his eyes heavenward,opened the Pearly Gates and boomed:"Run, Forrest...RUN!".
"I tell you the truth, unless you becomelike little children, you will never enterthe kingdom of heaven." Jesus
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