Shakespeare Can Fix That

CharactersGene: English Literature major, junior, who works as a janitor at the university library. He loves Shakespeare and quotes him often. Mark: A junior business administration major, gruff, head janitor who loves music; hates crowds and groups; likes Grace.Sally: Sophomore business marketing major, who makes bodily noises and lies about them; she believes nobody likes her, especially men.Antonio: Junior Biology major, narcoleptic, and genuinely nice guy; his narcolepsy is a coping mechanism for not dealing with lifeGrace: A non-emotional, sarcastic junior, Math major whose rough exterior is a façade Julio: A freshman undeclared major, gregarious hypochondriac, “my life is worse than yours”, although it’s not trueFrank: A freshman sociology major, cryer; he cries about everything, too sensitive Jane: A sophomore political science major, paranoid who freaks out often believing in conspiracy theories and that people are trying to get herProfessor Harmam: Counseling professor and the facilitator of the therapy group for this month

Scene 1

College library meeting room after classes, around 6:00pm. Enter Gene and Mark holding brooms and cleaning supplies. On the stage is a large table (left), a coffee small table with a table cloth, a couch (right), and another table with food and drink (under plastic wrap). Stacked against center wall are 8 chairs.

Mark: Okay, we have a bunch of things to fix before we clean (takes list out of pocket): the coffee pot, one of the chairs has a broken leg, the toilet explodes—

Gene: (sees cookies and refreshments) But soft! What cookies lie hither!

Mark: (slaps Gene playfully) Stop with the Shakespeare. I know you’re an English Lit major, but you gotta stop. Listen, that bathroom door’s broken – it locks by itself.

Gene: Aw, c’mon, Mark. Shakespeare’s the greatest writer ever. He wrote about love, hate, family, destruction, death—

Mark: So did Bon Jovi and Judas Priest.

Gene: No, that’s different.

Mark: How? Besides the music.

Gene: Well, Shakespeare wrote poetically and profoundly—

Mark: and Ozzy doesn’t?

Gene: What?

Mark: (singing) “I’m goin’ off the rails on a crazy train” (simulates guitar)

Gene: What does that even mean?

Mark: You don’t know?

Gene: (looking incredulous) No.

Mark: Well, um…it’s like when the world is closing in around you and you feel like—like a train—

Gene: A “crazy” train?

Mark: Yes! Like a crazy train – traveling crazy. . . ly . . . and it goes off the rails.

Gene: Powerful, Mark, powerful. (Mark slaps Gene) Why do you slap all the time. Is that what they teach in business administration, how to slap people? Maybe you should go to therapy for anger management. (Mark throws a rag at Gene)

Mark: Ha, ha. Okay, bad example. What about Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here: “did you exchange A walk on part in a war For a lead role in a cage?” and “We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, running over the same old ground.”

Gene: Not bad.

Mark: (sweeping) Well, it’s better than Hamlet’s bees.

Gene: Hamlet’s what?

Mark: Bees. Two bees or not two bees. . .

Gene: You waggish-rump-fed-canker-blossom. Now, that soliloquy is an amazing—

Mark: What did you call me?

Gene: A waggish-rump-fed-canker-blossom.

Mark: You really are an idiot.

Gene: No – well, I might be – but the canker-blossom is an insult from the Renaissance, Shakespeare’s time.

Mark: And that’s better than “you’re a moron”?

Gene: Yes, much. It’s less insulting and it can cause laughter instead of anger.

Mark: Whatever.

Gene: Now, as I was saying, a soliloquy is when a character speaks alone on stage so that only the audience hears.

Mark: Oh, a monologue.

Gene: Kind of, but a monologue is when one character is talking to another without interaction.

Mark: Got it. (sees note taped on bathroom door, reads it)

Gene: What’s that, my thane?

Mark: (looks at Gene quizzically) my what?

Gene: Thane – duke – boss

Mark: It’s a note from Professor Marquez. (reading) There’s a therapy group coming tonight at 7:00 (looks at phone) – aw, no! Forgot to charge my phone, too!

Gene: (as if to suggest Mark should attend) Hey!

Mark: Shut up. . . you canker blossom.

Gene: Good one!

Mark: I hate being in front of people. Let’s hurry!

Gene: Whoa! You’re not in front of people just because a group comes.

Mark: I don’t like being in with a crowd – more than 3 people, I don’t know, it freaks me out. I get all nervous and say stupid things – (Gene looks to be about to say something) – don’t! Why do you think I’m a business major? I want to be a manager at some company, not talk to people.

Gene: Well, we better get going. The group starts in 45 minutes.

Mark: (reading the note) and can we please get the food ready and the water. The food is on trays, just take off plastic wrap. Water and soda is under the table (looks). C’mon!

Gene: Okay, okay.

Mark: I’ll get the food and drink ready, you set up chairs. A few around the table. And sweep over by the window.

Gene: To sweep or not to sweep! Oh, by the way, in Hamlet’s To be or not to be speech, he is contemplating whether or not to commit suicide because the trials of life are too much. “To be or not to be, that is the question: whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or, by taking arms against a sea of troubles, oppose them. To die, to sleep, no more.” (Gene emphasizes ‘sleep’, looks to Mark)

Mark: (thinking, then as if he just got the idea) “Everybody seems to think I'm lazy, I don't mind, I think they're crazy, Running everywhere at such a speed Till they find there's no need (There's no need). Please, don't spoil my day, I'm miles away And after all I'm only sleeping” Beatles.

Gene: Nice.

Mark: Okay, we’ve gotta move. People might start showing up soon, we’re running out of time. (looks at Gene)

Gene: (thinking) “Make use of time, let not advantage slip” – Venus and Adonis.

Mark: Just remember – (singing) “don’t need nothin’, but a good time.” Poison.

Gene: Nice! Hey, can I get changed now before people come? Remember, I’m going to the Shakespeare Fest tonight with my girlfriend. It’s an all-night event, come when you can. There’s going to be people reciting sonnets, wearing period costume and Renaissance food. Then, much later tonight they’re going to perform parts of Taming of the Shrew – maybe I’ll learn a lot!

Mark: Sounds fun. How—

Gene: Maybe Petruchio will have a class from his taming school . . .

Mark: Pinocchio?

Gene: Petruchio. He tames his wife who is a real beast.

Mark: Interesting.

Gene: So, can I go get ready now?

Mark: Sure. Remember, the door locks, so stick something in it so it doesn’t close.

Gene: Okay (exit to bathroom, puts broom in door to keep it ajar)

Mark: Hey, Gene?

Gene: Yeah?

Mark: Do you think there’s enough food here for me to eat some? I’m starving!

Gene: (opens door, half-dressed - broom falls) No one will know. (closes door)

Mark: You’re right (grabs and eats a cookie). I didn’t get a chance to go to the cafeteria for lunch today. I’m working on a paper about the music industry (starts stuffing face with various cookies, bites a particular one he obviously does not like and puts it back)

Gene: Hey, I think someone’s here. I heard a car door. (Mark straightens. Gene tries to open door but it is locked) Mark! The door locked!

Mark: (rushes to door, puts key in and opens door. He leaves key in the door) Yep, someone’s coming. I only ate a couple cookies – I need more time! I’m hungry – “hungry like a wolf” Duran Duran.

Gene: (opens door, pulls key out, puts in pocket. He is dressed very nicely – tie and dress pants – and has a bag of his work clothes) “Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look, He thinks too much; such men are dangerous” Julius Caesar.

Mark: Nice!

Enter Frank.

Mark: Oh, shoot! (moves faster at cleaning, sweeping, moves away from Frank)

Gene: (to Frank) Hello and good evening. Welcome and have a seat. Enjoy some refreshments.

Frank: Thanks. (goes to food table and then to couch)

Mark: (his cell phone rings, he answers it, walking to food table, grabs a cookie) Hello? Um, hi Professor. Yep, one guy just arrived. The chairs are up and the food is out. (pause) What? The facilitator will be late? So, what do we do?

Frank: (sitting on couch, takes bite of cookie and begins crying) Why? Why?......

Enter Grace, Sally, and Julio. Gene welcomes them.

Mark: Ok – hello? Shoot! My battery died! (to Gene) Hey Gene. I gotta use the bathroom and then call Professor Marquez back – my phone died. (exit into bathroom)

Gene: “Oh, he hath died” Just about any Shakespeare.

Mark: (from within) “Laugh, laugh, I nearly died” Rolling Stones.

Gene: Oh, wait! Remember that the toilet explodes!

Grace: That’s crappy.

Julio: My life is like an exploding toilet.

Sally: Yeah, that stinks! (she farts, others back away) What? (goes to food table)

Julio: Are you the facilitator tonight?

Gene: What? No. I’m— (sees Frank crying. Sits next to him) What’s wrong, Frank?

Frank: When I bit the cookie, it reminded me of my mom—

Gene: Oh, she used to make you cookies when you were little?

Frank: No, she threw them at me. (cries)

Mark: (from within. Whispers loudly) Gene! Gene!

Gene: Excuse me, Frank. Julio can you . . . (goes to bathroom door) Mark? (Unlocks door so that he can see Mark)

Mark: The toilet exploded! I’m all wet and I stink!

Gene: Holy crap! “O, my offense is rank, it smells to Heaven” Hamlet.

Mark: “Love stinks” Nazareth. Now help me!

Gene: Okay. There’s a blanket on the shelf above the toilet. See it?

Mark: Yep.

Gene: Wow, you do stink! Okay. Let me unlock the door—

Mark: Wait! Aren’t there people here?! Do I really smell that bad?

Gene: Yes. What was in the toilet?

Mark: Well, it hasn’t been used in a long time and the water is kinda green and then I—

Gene: Nevermind. Forget it. Nasty…and yes, people are her. Including Grace, the math major you like.

Mark: No! This is no good, this is bad. I’ve been trying to get her to notice me, but –

Gene: This will help.

Mark: (slaps Gene) Stop it! How am I gonna get out of here?

Gene: Here’s an idea. I’ll get everyone who’s here to go to the other side of the room, near the big window – I’ll tell them to look at the city. Then, you come running out.

Mark: Okay.

Gene: Wait one minute, then run. ( Mark sticks head out to see everyone)

Julio: (to Frank) Hey, don’t worry, buddy. (sees Gene) What’s your name?

Gene: Gene.

Julio: Gene’s here to help us.

Frank: (sobbing) Oh, okay.

Sally: So, Grace, how’s the internship at the bank going?

Grace: Okay.

Sally: How did you get into it? I mean, how do you go about getting an internship?

Grace: Tell your professor, look on the bulletin boards. Why, you want to be a banker?

Sally: Business marketing. I want to know how to get an internship at a marketing firm.

Grace: Just know that banks and marketing firms are filled with guys. Guys who like female students, like us.

Sally: Gosh . . . (shakes head in disgust)

Grace: Watch out. Why do men have to be such pigs?

Sally: (burps) Yeah.

Gene: Hey everyone! Can I get you all to come over here? (stage left) Look out at the city tonight—

(Mark opens door, takes a few steps toward exit, bathroom door shuts and locks. Antonio and Jane enter see Gene and group looking out window. Mark sees Antonio and Jane, tries to go back into the bathroom but it’s locked so he jumps behind couch. During Gene’s next line, Mark crawls to bathroom door and tries the handle again, but it’s locked.)

Gene: (looks toward bathroom door, sees it’s shut and assumes Mark has left) Okay, why don’t you all enjoy some refreshments—

Jane: ‘scuse me, sir.

Gene: Gene.

Jane: No, Jane.

Gene: No, I’m Gene. And you must be . . .

Jane: Andrea . . .

All: Jane.

Jane: (looking scared and angry at them all) What are you doing?

Sally: He’s safe, Jane. (burps) Although he does have really bad manners.

Jane: (pulls Gene close) Listen, I think the room is bugged.

Gene: No, I just cleaned it. No bugs.

Jane: Oh, do you work for the good guys?

Gene: Yes.

Jane: Well, I’m not sure about Julio. He’s has lots of issues – sicknesses – diseases, all that can be traced back to them. I think he’s guilty. Sick people are usually guilty of something.

Gene: or maybe he’s really sick?

Grace: Nope. He just thinks he’s sick. It’s all in his head.

Jane: How did she know we were talking about Julio?

Gene: Well, I’ll keep an eye on Julio. (walks to food table were Grace is)

(Jane stays, watching Julio suspiciously)

Gene: (to Grace) Do you know my friend, Mark?

Grace: No.

Gene: He’s a junior, business administration major. I think you guys have a statistics class together.

Grace: Who?

Gene: Mark.

Grace: Who’s Mark?

Gene: My friend. And he’s the head janitor here at the library.

Grace: Oh.

Gene: Do you know him?

Grace: Mark?

Gene: Yeah.

Grace: Ah, yeah, I had a dog named Mark growing up.

Gene: Oh, how nice—

Grace: I watched a truck run him over.

Gene: Oh – “A glooming peace this morning with it brings, the sun for sorrow will not show his head” Romeo and Juliet.

Grace: Huh?

Gene: Romeo and Juliet. The Prince comes at the end of the play when everyone—

(Grace walks away to the food table to sit near Antonio; Gene follows, muttering about Romeo and Juliet)

Jane: (lifts up cookie with bite taken out) Don’t eat! We’re being poisoned!

Frank: What?! (begins crying, Antonio lifts heads)

Julio: (to Frank) Stop it! (to Jane) What are you talking about?

Jane: I found a pre-bitten cookie. All the cookies to the left of this bite mark are poisoned. I saw it in a movie.

Antonio: It was probably just Sally.

Sally: Huh? I did not fart!

Antonio: Well, we know you did, but we’re talking about the bitten cookie.

Sally: Nope. Not me.

Jane: See? It was an intruder, a spy has left a clue. (all ignore her; she goes to the window, looks out)

(Julia and Antonio sit on couch)

Frank: (sniffling) thanks Julio.

Julio: No problem, Frank. My mom hated me . . . because I had pneumonia. (Mark lifts head over couch with a look of incredulity)

Frank: Really? That’s so sad. (begins crying again)

Julio: Yeah. She would make me go to bed without dinner. (Mark’s hand reaches up and takes Julio’s cookie from the table) I mean, I could smell the hamburgers and potatoes with melted butter oozing down the side – I’d make a potato volcano and put the butter inside and then—

Mark: (pokes head above couch) Stop it!

Julio: (looks back) It was terrible going to bed hungry. (reaches for cookie and finds it missing)

Frank: Sounds it. (crying) I saw a show last night about sea otters and this one— (sobs)

Julio: Frank, it was TV.

Frank: -- this little otter couldn’t find its mother (Mark’s hand reaches up and slaps Frank’s head). I’m sorry, Julio.

Julio: No problem. You smell something?

Frank: Probably Sally.

Sally: (blowing down as if getting rid of a stink; To Antonio) Hey, do you like these cookies?

(Antonio has head down on table, no answer)

Sally: Hey, Antonio? (gently slaps his head, he stirs)

Antonio: Huh? What happened? Where am I?

Sally: At therapy.

Antonio: Oh yeah. (pause) Why does it stink?

Sally: I don’t know. Probably the new guy.

Antonio: Who?

Sally: Gene. He’s the facilitator tonight.

Antonio: Oh.

Gene: Good evening everyone. Can I have your attention, please? My name is Gene and I’ll be helping tonight. Let’s begin with everyone’s names. (looks at Grace to begin)

Grace: I’m Grace. (stands, walks toward food table pointing to each person) This is cryer, and that’s hypochondriac, and that’s stinker and sleeper—

Frank: I have a name, Grace.

Grace: No you don’t.

Frank: Yes, I do. It’s Frank.

Grace: No, it’s not. You made up that name.

Frank: (begins crying) That’s not true.

Grace: Okay, fine. That’s Julio, undeclared. Sally is business marketing and Antonio is sleeping –

Antonio: (muffled, with head still down) biology major.

Grace: and Jane is political science, but we really know she’s a CIA operative.

Jane: Don’t joke about that!

Grace: And then we come back to Frank, a sociology major.

Frank (crying and muttering) I do have a name.

Gene: “It is some relief to weep; grief is satisfied and carried off by tears” Henry the Sixth. (blank looks on all characters faces). What Shakespeare means here is that to cry can relieve a person of their grief, their sadness. To keep the sadness in is to explode – like a toilet, maybe (Mark pokes head up over the couch and gives Gene a long nasty stare) -- later on. So, Frank (looks at Grace), your tears are not bad—

Grace: Really? Really, Gene? The man cries at cookies, water, his name. Isn’t there a limit to the amount of crying one can do?

Gene: Well, Friar Laurence asks Romeo “Art thou a man? Thy tears are womanish thy wild acts denote the unreasonable fury of a beast.” In other words, there are times for crying and times for not—

Mark: (muffled) “To everything, turn, turn, turn, there is a season, turn, turn, turn” (crawls toward food table)

Gene: ( trying to cover for Mark – talks really loudly) and times for singing. Thank you, Julio. (Julio looks very confused)

Frank: Are you saying that I shouldn’t cry?

Gene: What I’m saying – what Shakespeare is saying, is that at times it is good to cry and let out your emotions. There are other times, like in Romeo’s case, where the tears are going to get in the way of progress, of moving forward. You end up looking like a wild animal, just making noise and growling, but getting nothing accomplished.

Grace: Crying over a cookie is not a good reason (at food table, holding a cookie).

Gene: And crying about Grace saying you have no name—

Frank: Well, that part is true. My parents didn’t give me a name. A neighbor came in when I was a week old and asked my name, my parents said I didn’t deserve one, so the neighbors just called me Frank.

Gene: Well, that’s nice—

Frank: after their pet hamster.

Gene: Ok, now you can cry. This is an appropriate time to grieve over your past. But, Frank, let it be done tonight. No more crying about it. You have to move on. You have to “screw your courage to the sticking post and you will not fail” – Macbeth. Do not worry about failure or doing poorly, just do it. Put your courage on display for all to see.

Sally: Wow, you are really wise (farts) What?

Gene: Thank you. Now, Grace—

Grace: Yes? (takes a sip of water, puts water down)

Gene: “God has given you one face and you make yourself another” – Hamlet. Your sarcasm is a façade, a smoke screen to hide your own fears. You are afraid of the one thing that you cannot change: yourself.

Grace: (pause) That was deep. (Mark reaches up and grabs her water)

Gene: Yes, well, Shakespeare knew people. (Grace goes for her water to find it is gone) He understood that people have different feelings, emotions, longings. Each person goes through different stages.

Julio: I fell off a stage once, broke my collarbone—

Gene: “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players” – that means actors – “All the world's a stage: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages. At first the infant, Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms. And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel And shining morning face, creeping like snail Unwillingly to school. And then the lover, Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier, Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard, Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel, Seeking the bubble reputation Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice, In fair round belly with good capon lined, With eyes severe and beard of formal cut, Full of wise saws and modern instances; And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon, With spectacles on nose and pouch on side, His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice, Turning again toward childish treble, pipes And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all, That ends this strange eventful history, Is second childishness and mere oblivion, Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.”

Grace: (Frank and Julio slide to the left, sits on couch) Wow . . . (Mark replaces the water glass empty, Grace reaches for it, takes a sip and realizes it’s empty).

Sally: Can you explain that? (grunts) Antonio! (his head is down; she slaps his shoulder)

Antonio: Huh? Where are we?

Gene: This is a speech about the different stages of a person’s life. First, we begin as a baby where we eat, sleep, puke, and poop which is followed by going to school. Next comes the lover phase, where we fall in love. Then we become a soldier, fighting for what we believe in. Next we become more wise, our bodies become more saggy and wrinkly. The last stage, stage 7, is the one where we turn back into big babies – eating, sleeping, puking, and pooping. All a big circle.

Antonio: So I’m stuck in the baby phase and the old man phase?

Gene: Oh, you can hear when you’re asleep? No. Your problem is different.

Grace: Wait. I think someone took my water.

Jane: I knew it! They’re here. (starts looking for cameras, bugs, etc)

Gene: No, Jane. Grace, you are wearing a mask, a way to hide who you are. You don’t know what stage you’re in because you don’t know who you are.

Grace: What?

Gene: Your sarcasm, your “I-don’t-care” attitude is only a screen so people won’t see the real you. You’re like a cymbal crashing, hurting people’s ears.

Grace: Am I that bad?

Gene: I’ve only known you for a few minutes and already your sarcasm and biting communication is like, like a guitar solo that won’t stop. (simulates guitar solo)

Grace: Really?

Gene: Yeah. I’m sorry to be that harsh, but it seems you respond well to it. Why are you so hard? Why won’t you let people in to see the real you?

Grace: Because they won’t like me.

Sally: That’s okay. No one likes me.

Grace: That’s because you fart and burp.

Sally: (highly offended) That is not true. (farts) What?

Grace: See? Are you telling me you didn’t hear that—

Julio: or feel it?

Frank: or smell it?

Sally: This is crazy.

Gene: Wait, wait. We’ll get to Sally in a minute. Right now, let’s help Grace. “False face must hide what the false heart doth know” – Macbeth. Here, Macbeth has just decided to kill the king. In order to carry out this murder, he must not let the king, who is a friend, know that Macbeth is going to do this horrible crime. So he says that he must use a ‘false face’ – one that is not real, a face that can fake the king out. This hiding of his true nature will also hide his ‘false heart’ – the heart that wants to kill.

Grace: So, I am hiding my true self so that I won’t kill people?

Julio: No, Grace. He is saying that you are hiding your true nature so that we won’t see you – your true nature because you are afraid that we will see it and run away.

Gene: That was good, Julio.

Antonio: Can we fix Sally now? It’s starting to really stink.

(Mark has crawled back behind the couch and is now reaching up to grab one of the cookies on coffee table)

Sally: It’s not me! (burps)

Gene: Do you know you just burped, Sally?

Sally: What?

Gene: You burped. Just now.

Sally: No. Really?

Antonio: Yes. You burped for the hundredth time – and they all stink. What did you have for dinner?

Gene: Antonio, that doesn’t help.

Antonio: Is there a Shakespeare quote for burping or farting?

Gene: Well . . . oh yeah. A Comedy of Errors. “A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind, Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.”

Antonio: Hmmm, sounds like Sally’s been breaking wind behind.

Gene: And Othello. Emilia says that men “are all but stomachs, and we are all but food. They eat us hungrily, and when they are full.” Do you have problems with men, Sally?

Sally: (embarrassed) They don’t like me. I don’t get asked out much.

Antonio: No duh!

Julio: (turns to Frank, fake farts, and imitating Sally) Hey, big boy wanna go out?

Frank: (burps) Sure thing, sweetheart!

Gene: Guys! Not helpful.

Sally: See?!

Gene: How long have you had this issue with bodily noises?

Sally: I don’t know. The summer before my freshman year.

Gene: And you had a bad date or a guy treated you badly?

Sally: Yes. He was mean and teased me a lot. I was just another girl to him. I really loved him, though.

Gene: Ah, unrequited love. . .

Sally: Huh?

Gene: Unrequited love – when someone you love doesn’t love you back. Helena from A Midsummer Night’s Dream says, “love looks not with the eyes but with the mind. And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.” The one who she loves, loves another. In this, she is trying to convince herself that love is blind.

Julio: But we all know it’s not. If the girl is ugly, who would want to be with her?

Antonio: Or if she farts and burps, who would want that?

Gene: Gentlemen? Ignore them, Sally. Love is blind—

Antonio: But it can still smell.

Gene: Love is blind, but infatuation sees all too well. During the dating phase of a relationship, it is the physicality that attracts more than any other thing.

Sally: So, if I stop making noises, men might be interested in me?

Gene: Yes. And after he loves you, none of the noises will matter.

Sally: Does your girlfriend make those noises?

Gene: No.

Jane: Ahhhhhh! (screaming and pointing behind the couch)

Frank: What is it!?

Jane: A man! There’s a man behind the couch!

Frank: Oh, Jane!

Julio: Man, I think I just peed my pants. I have a kidney problem and I, uh, well, sometimes it just—

Jane: There is a man! I swear. Look!

Frank: There’s no one there, Jane. It’s all in your head. Gene, can you fix her next?

Gene: I’m sure there’s no one behind the couch.

Julio: (clutching his heart) Oh, my heart.

Grace: Julio. Julio. Stop. You’re not having a heart attack again. Last month we spent the entire evening convincing you that you had no heart issue.

Julio: You did? Oh, then it’s probably just acid reflux. I need a cookie. (gets up and goes to food table)

Gene: I think we all need a cookie. Let’s take a few minute break for some refreshments.

Jane: Eat at your own risk!

All: Oh Jane!

Scene 2

All are at food table talking and eating except Jane who is peering around the table (stage left) to behind the couch. She eventually sits in the chair closest to the coffee table, looking at Mark who is still hidden behind the table.

Jane: I see you.

Mark: I’m not real. You are imagining this.

Jane: No, I see you – and smell you. You’re all wet and you stink.

Mark: Okay, okay.

Jane: Who are you after?

Mark: What?

Jane: Who are you spying on? Who’s the target?

Mark: Well, I do have my eye on Grace.

Jane: I knew it! She always looked squirrely to me. Probably with the KGB, Russian underground.

Mark: What?

Jane: Is she an agent, an enemy spy or a domestic threat?

Mark: What are you talking about? I like her.

Jane: Oh, never cloud your judgment with emotions. When you fall for your enemy, that’s a problem.

Mark: I have no idea what you are talking about. Grace is a woman who I think is beautiful.

Jane: Right . . . good cover story. Of course the wet and stinky doesn’t help you get close to her, but, that’s your style. Oh, the others are coming. I won’t let them know you are here. Shhh.

Mark: No, wait—

Jane: False alarm. So, how are you gonna, you know (draws her finger across her throat).

Mark: Huh?

Jane: Poison. Ah yes, probably poison her drink or cookies—(gasps) the pre-bitten cookie is yours!

Mark: Yes, sorry. I don’t like—

Jane: Yikes! Are they all going to die! (stands, speaks to everyone at food table) Hey! Don’t eat the cookies! They’re—

Mark: Stop it! No—

Jane: (looks down) Never mind. The man behind the couch did NOT poison the food.

Mark: Stop it! Just find a way for me to get out of here, please. (Jane sits)

Jane: No, sir. I will not let you escape without completing your mission. So, are you going to strangle her, from behind. Oh, she sits on the couch and you take out a rope and—(stands, to Grace) Hey, Grace! Come sit here. (points to the couch where Mark could get her)

Mark: Hey! Stop it! No—

Jane: Sorry, Grace. Don’t mind me. This is a safe place to sit. (sits again)

Mark: No, I am not a spy or a bad guy assassin! I’m the janitor who got stuck in the bathroom and the toilet exploded.

Jane: Oh my gosh – you have a bomb! Just please let me know when it is about to go off so I can run.

Mark: You are nuts! I have no bomb.

Jane: Oh, a gun – with a silencer. But when Grace hits the floor we’ll all know. Maybe a knife – no, too much blood.

Mark: (exhausted, giving up) Can you just stop, please.

Jane: Right. If I talk too much, I’ll be next. Oh, here they come.

All going back to their seats.

Gene: Alright, everybody. That was a good break. Now, where were we?

Julio: You were going to fix me because I’m sick all the time. Actually, I have a bunch of illnesses. I’m probably going to die, tonight.

Jane: (looks behind couch at Mark) Him too?

Julio: What?

Jane: Nothing.

Gene: Right, Julio and your sicknesses. I do think that many of them may be in your head.

Julio: Well, I do feel like I have a brain tumor—

Gene: No, that’s not what I meant. I meant that you think you’re sick when you’re really not.

Julio: Oh.

Gene: You have a “dagger of the mind, a false creation” says Macbeth with which you cut up your own thoughts and that makes you feel sick. This is also called hypochondria.

Julio: You mean that I am not really sick? But how come I feel the pain?

Gene: That’s how powerful the mind is.

Jane: I think Julio was taken by the men in black and they tweaked his mind. Right? (looks at Mark) Aliens maybe?

Gene: Thanks Jane, but no. Shakespeare knew the human spirit.

Julio: Such brilliance.

Gene: In Julius Caesar, Portia says to her husband, Brutus, “You have some sick offense within your mind.”

Julio: So, it’s all in my mind?

Gene: That’s right. Why do you pretend to be sick?

Julio: I am one of seven kids – a middle child. The only way I got people to notice me was to be sick.

Frank: Really? (begins to cry but Gene gives him a look)

Julio: That people only notice me when I’m sick? Yeah.

Gene: That’s why you come to therapy?

Julio: Yeah. The school nurse, Margaret – really sweet lady, well, I see her almost every day – she told me to come to this group.

Frank: Don’t you live with your parents, Julio?

Julio: Yeah…it’s tough. They sometimes don’t know I’m there.

Gene: So you pretend to be sick to get their attention and since it works with them, you have continued being sick to be noticed by others.

Julio: Gene, what do I do?

Gene: Well, count your blessings. Find what things you have that you’re thankful for.

Frank: Like us, Julio.

Antonio: Yeah, and your health (smiles)

Sally: And you do have a nice car.

Jane: And the FBI experimented with your brain and you’re still alive.

Julio: Yeah, thanks guys. You are so right. I am blessed. The more I think about it, I am rich – not with money necessarily, but with a good life!

Gene: That’s great, Julio.

Julio: I attend a great college, have a nice room at home, my parents give me my space, my bed is cool, I like my computer – wow! I feel great!

Gene: We’re happy for you, Julio.

Julio: Man, Shakespeare is awesome!

Gene: That’s the wisdom of the bard.

Frank: The wisdom of a fart?

Grace: Isn’t that what Sally does?

Sally: Yes, I did, sorry.

Frank: So, Sally is wise?

Julio: No, Gene said a bard.

Gene: Yes, I said bard. A bard is a professional poet. One who would travel and tell stories. Shakespeare is called the Bard, because he was one of the best poets and storytellers in history.

Frank: So, Sally isn’t wise? Is she a storyteller?

Gene: No, Frank, she isn’t. She’s a woman who didn’t trust men but now will try to. She used to use her bodily noises as a shield to protect herself from the nastiness of romance. “The course of love never did run smooth” – A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Sally: Thanks, Gene.

Antonio: Okay, Mr. Shakespeare, what’s my problem. I fall asleep all the time. I’m a narcoleptic.

Grace: No you’re not. You just don’t want to deal with your problems.

Antonio: What?

Frank: Yep, that’s true.

Julio: Sorry, Antonio.

Sally: I always thought it was just me.

Antonio: Nope. I get tired of listening to everyone.

Gene: “He that sleeps feels not the toothache” – Cymbaline. In other words, you feel nothing when you sleep.

Antonio: That is true.

Gene: So, to escape the pain of life, Antonio sleeps; or, he pretends to sleep.

Jane: Or he did something he’s guilty about and it gnaws at his belly so he doesn’t sleep at night and falls asleep during the day.

Grace: Jane, talk to the guy behind the couch, would you?

Jane: You see him, too? (to Mark) Hey, your enemy sees you. How are you gonna kill her now?

Grace: What? (Checks behind the couch and screams) Ahhh, there is a man back there!

Mark stands up, all heads turn to see him. Frank screams and begins to cry, looks at Gene who shakes his head to calm down; Grace, Jane stand, Frank jumps and hides behind Grace.

Julio: Hey, I get to eat out twice a week. Isn’t that great?

Mark: Yes, yes. I am no killer or assassin or spy, just a business admin major.

Jane: (whispers) good cover!

Grace: Why are you all wet?

Antonio: and why do you stink? (walks to get a cookie)

Mark: I was in the bathroom and the toilet exploded.

Grace: That stinks.

Antonio: Holy crap!

Julio: Look on the bright side . . . (all look at him waiting for him to finish) I don’t know.

Gene: Mark, what happened? You didn’t make it out?

Jane: You’re working together? Wait, you killed the real facilitator! Is he tied up in the bathroom?! (goes to the bathroom, opens door and walks in)

Grace: Oh, so you’re Mark. The head janitor.

Mark: (smiling) Yes, I’m Mark.

Jane: (door shuts, she’s locked in) Hey! I knew it! You were after me the whole time!

Gene: Aw, it looks like we have our star-crossed lovers (Romeo and Juliet).

Mark: Yeah, too bad I’m wet and stinky. I’m sure Romeo wasn’t like this.

Gene: Hey, wait a minute. I’ve got my work clothes in that bag by the door. Go get changed and I’ll take you home.

Frank: What? You’re gonna leave us? (begins crying)

Gene: Later, Frank, not now. What did we say about crying?

Frank: But . . .

Gene: No! These are womanish tears and need to be stopped!

Frank: Okay (whimpering)

Gene: Grace, you seem to like Mark, even though he is all wet and he stinks.

Sally: And it’s not me, this time!

Gene: Right, thanks Sally. Now, Grace (nods to her so she walks behind couch to be next to Mark)

Grace: (looking into Mark’s eyes) Yes?

Gene: Now is the time to practice saying what you’re really feeling – not hiding behind the mask of sarcasm. (walks toward them, near food)

Grace: (pause) I don’t know what to say.

Julio: How about, “You da bomb!”

Antonio: No one talks like that. Or is that ‘stupid mouth’ disease?

Sally: No, try this: Mark, you are so handsome—

Antonio: -- and wet.

Julio: -- and stinky.

Gene: Okay, this is going nowhere.

Mark: That’s fine, Grace. I do like you and think you are beautiful and I’d like to go out with you some time.

Sally: That was nice.

Frank: Yeah. That was sweet. (begins to cry)

Gene: Frank!

Frank: But he—

Gene: Ah-ahh (like no-no)

Mark: You know what, I’m going to get changed, but first, I have to eat. I’m starving.

Grace: (handing Mark a cookie) Here.

Mark: Thanks.

Antonio: (grabs cookie out of Mark’s mouth) Hey! Can we get back to fixing my narcolepsy?

Mark leaves, grabs bag.

Gene: Yes, sorry Antonio. Where were we?

Sally: He escapes by pretending to be asleep.

Gene: Ah, yes. Now, what are you escaping from? That is the question. Is there something that makes you feel alone? Something that troubles you?

Antonio: This group troubles me. (goes and sits next to Sally at table)

Sally: (slapping him gently) Antonio!

Antonio: Just kidding.

Julio: What about when your house burned down when you were 5 years old and you had to move in with your fat aunt who pinched your cheeks until they were red?

Antonio : What?

Julio: Oh, nevermind.

Gene: Can you share a time when you felt isolated or embarrassed? Maybe high school or middle school?

Antonio: Well, people used to pick on me all the time when I was in high school. They used to call me names and push me around. It was horrible. (head falls to the table with a thud)

Gene: Antonio? Are you okay?

Antonio: (muffled) Yeah. I’m just hiding.

Gene: You can come out now. “O God, I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space” (Hamlet). In other words, you feel as if you want to run into your shell and hide because there you are a king, the master. The problem is, the world keeps moving. It doesn’t care that you hide in your shell, it only kicks you around more. (Antonio lifts his head). So, face the world, face the issues. Only then will you demonstrate your strength and power.

Sally: And we’re here to help you.

Grace: And support you.

Gene: Nice, Grace.

Grace: Thanks.

Gene: Those students who mistreated you in school are still holding power over you. You have to break their power. Don’t let them control you anymore.

Antonio: What?

Gene: You are thinking about them and what they did to you, but they’re not thinking about you at all. They are controlling you by what they did all those years ago. You are allowing them to manipulate you. You are here because of them, right?

Antonio: (realizing the reality of Gene’s words) Yeah, you’re right.

Gene: So, don’t let them control you.

Antonio: Yeah . . . (stands slowly)

Gene: Yeah.

Antonio: Yeah! I’m free! Jimmy Holowitz, you don’t own me! (stands on chair) Neil Jorgenson, you don’t control me!

All: Go Antonio!

Antonio: Yeah!

Gene: I’m proud of you, Antonio.

Enter Mark, cleaned up.

Mark: I could hear you from the other room, Gene. You’ve done well with everyone.

All: Yeah /thanks /you’re the best

Gene: Thanks, guys. Really, the wisdom from Shakespeare is amazing. He’s the one who helped you all out. I was just a passionate reader.

Julio: I think it was more than just reading, Gene. You really studied the stuff, understood it, and took the time to apply to real life.

Antonio: Yeah, and because of you and Shakespeare, Johnny Coltrain can’t pick on me anymore!

Sally: I never realized that the bard could help my, um, issue –

Julio: You mean your farting and burping and grunting?

Antonio: And Billy “The Grunt” Dobson, you can’t control me anymore! I am free!

Gene: But I think we need to do one more thing, one more “exercise” for our star-crossed lovers.

Mark: No, Gene, that’s not necessary—

Gene: Yes it is. Grace has removed her mask and decided, because of you, no doubt, that she wants to be seen for the first time in a long time for who she really is. We need to validate that and encourage it.

Grace: Gene, thank you, but—

Gene: Don’t ‘but’ me! We need to erect a balcony for Romeo and Juliet! (delegating others to create a makeshift balcony from the tables and chairs)

Antonio: (During the creation of the balcony, stands on chair) And you, Mr. Garcia, who made me sit under the table during class, you can’t control me anymore!

Gene: Okay, I think Antonio has some demons he needs to fight. So, Julio and Frank, how about you guys play Claudius—

Antonio: Claude Vander Hoken, you have no power over me!

Gene: and Laertes from Hamlet.

Julio and Frank: Okay. What do we do?

Gene: Antonio, come here. Listen, you still have some things to work out here, so Julio is going to pretend to be Claudius and Frank will be Laertes.

Antonio: Larry Bomberhide—

Gene: Not yet, Antonio! Wait. Let me get you guys all set. Okay, Claudius is the new king who married Hamlet’s mother just after he killed the former king, Hamlet senior. Antonio, you will be Hamlet. You are angry and mad that Claudius killed your father and married your mother.

Antonio: You son of a—

Gene: Ah-ah! Let’s use Shakepearean insults: evil-eyed rabbit-sucker or prating scullion or yeasty miscreant Or, one of my favorites, reeky dog-hearted hempseed! And you can make up your own variations.

Antonio: (to Julio) You reeky, evil-eyed scullion!

Gene: Great! Save it for the fighting. Okay, Frank, you will be Laertes, the brother of Hamlet’s former lover, Ophelia—

Sally: Oh, can I play her?

Gene: Excellent idea. Sally, you are Ophelia, Hamlet’s girlfriend, but Hamlet has been acting crazy because of what Claudius has done. At one point, Hamlet tells Ophelia to enter a nunnery, to become a nun and that he does not love her! Hamlet also accidentally killed her father, Polonius—

Antonio: Paul Martin, you are a lilly-livered, dog-hearted miscreant! You have no—

Gene: Antonio! Save it.

Sally: and . . .?

Gene: Yes, so Ophelia goes insane and drowns. So, act all crazy – depressed and melancholy crazy.

Sally: (smiling) Okay. (wanders the room acting insane)

Gene: (to Frank) Now, Laertes, because your sister has been hurt by Hamlet and she commits suicide because of the way he treated her, you want revenge. (to Frank, Julio, and Antonio) You all fight and all die. What I want you to get from this exercise is primarily for Antonio to be rid of his past, to “kill” the demons that haunt him. Also, that fighting to the death is not a good solution to problems. Remember, you all die.

Antonio, Julio, Frank: Got it / Okay /Yep

Gene: Good, grab the brooms and use them as swords.

(Sally is wandering the room acting disturbed, mumbling to herself. She has disheveled her hair and pulled her clothes to appear crazy. The three fighters are yelling Shakespearean insults as they fake stab each other [Antonio stabbing Julio and Frank].

(to Grace and Mark) Okay, my lovers. Grace, you are on the balcony dreaming of Romeo. Mark, you are Romeo dreaming of Juliet who you just met at a party a few hours ago but your friends are giving you a hard time about it. You walk about the town escaping from them and stumble upon a house, after climbing the walls to get into the backyard. From there, you look up at the window of the house and begin a beautiful speech about Juliet and then you realize that it is Juliet.

Mark: Okay. I can do that. Is that the ‘But soft!’ speech you say all the time?

Gene: Yes! You were listening?

Mark: But soft! What light through yonder window breaks.

Gene: Excellent, Mark. Well, go to it.

(Mark and Grace act out the balcony scene as best they can)

Antonio: . . . and you Phillip Fitzpatrick, you are a yeasty, shag-eared canker-blossom! Die! (stabs Julio/Claudius who has a nice death scene). And you, Mrs. Fung-shu, you made me write “I am a weenie with a capital W” 150 times! You are a jaded rump-fed, rampallion! Die! (stabs Frank, who dies. Frank and Julio get up and do it again)

Sally: (babbling) and the walls, like men, have been shut off from me. You have heard my roar, you have smelt my stink, but no more. No more. I will to the grave with my anger, my pity, my shame . . .

Gene: You are all doing really well!

Grace: Gene? How does Romeo and Juliet end? I mean, I know they die, but how?

Mark: Yeah, we were talking and we thought that we should end the story and start our own.

Gene: Nice! Okay, Romeo finds the body of Juliet in the vault or tomb. She is not dead, but merely sleeping under a heavy potion that makes her appear as if she were dead. Romeo sees her body, thinking she was dead, kisses her pale lips saying, “Thus with a kiss I die” and drinks a powerful poison. She wakes up, expecting to see her lover, but instead she sees his dead body. She weeps, kissing his lips to see if any poison is left on them, but, alas, there is none. She grabs his dagger and says, “Oh happy dagger, this is thy sheath. There rust and let me die.”

Grace: and she dies . . . (she is obviously moved by the scene)

Mark: Wow, that is a powerful scene.

Gene: Yes, it is. Now, go ahead and die together.

Enter Professor Harman, the facilitator.

Antonio: (stabbing Julio) Die, you saucy knave! (Julio dies. Next, Antonio stabs Frank) And you, you waggish sour-faced malkin! Die!

Sally: (to Professor) and you must be my love--

Professor: No, I’m Professor Harman, the Facilitator—

Sally: -- my only love that spurns my heart. In your evil tempered and blackened mind, I die a thousand deaths, drowning in my tears. (falls at his feet as if dead, clutching his foot)

Professor: What the . . .

Sally: (whispering loudly) Are you married, Professor?

Professor: Yes.

Sally: Does your wife make bodily noises?

Professor: (Disgusted, pulls leg away from Sally’s clutches) No! (sees Mark and Grace)

Mark: Thus with a kiss, I die. (kisses Grace who is lying on table. He falls and dies. Grace wakes up)

Grace: What is this? (begins to cry) No! (grabs knife from food table and stabs herself) Oh happy dagger, here is thy sheath. There rust and let me die. (dies)

Antonio: (grabbing at Professor) And for you, Jerry Baldwin—

Professor: It’s Professor Harman—

Antonio: -- the last of my accusers, I die. (stabs himself and dies)

Professor: (frightened, confused, walks to back of couch, looking at Gene) What have you done –

Jane: (bursting out of the bathroom, tackles Professor. Both topple over couch landing on the floor. Jane sits on his chest. She sees the dead bodies around) What have you done?! You have killed all my friends!

Gene: No! Jane, no!

Jane: But, Gene, he killed Grace and the other spy, and look, there’s Frank and Julio (begins crying) and Sally, too? (to Professor) You beast!

Gene: No, Jane. He’s Professor—

Professor: -- Harman

Gene: Professor Harman, the facilitator.

Jane: Professor?

Professor: Yes, Professor. I’m the facilitator for this month’s sessions.

Jane: Professor, why did you kill Antonio? (sobbing)

Gene: Professor didn’t kill anyone, Jane. Guys, get up, you’re freaking Jane out.

Everyone starts to rise.

Jane: What? What’s. . .

Gene: It was all acting.

Antonio: Yeah, I killed all my childhood demons. I really am free.

Sally: Me too, Jane. I went crazy because of men, and now I am a new person – not crazy.

Grace: And Mark and I were acting out Romeo and Juliet—

Jane: Oh, the spy has a name . . . hi.

Mark: Hi. Grace and I have fallen for each other and we want to be free to express it.

Jane: Really? And Frank and Julio?

Julio and Frank: Right here / Not dead.

Jane: Frank, you’re not crying about any of this? (to Gene) Wow, you really did cure us, didn’t you?

Gene: Well, I think we all helped each other. Why don’t you get off Professor and we can talk about it.

Jane: So, none of this chaos was real?

Gene: Nope.

Jane: Mark isn’t a spy? (Gene shakes head) And Professor isn’t the CIA? (Gene shakes head) And this room isn’t bugged or being watched?

Gene: That’s right. All of the paranoia is in your mind.

Jane: Can you fix me – or can Shakespeare fix me?

Gene: Let me answer you with Shakespeare. Macbeth’s wife has gone crazy and he asks a doctor about her: “Canst thou not minister to a mind diseased; Pluck from the memory a rooted sorrow; Raze out the written troubles of the brain; And, with some sweet oblivious antidote, Cleanse the stuffed bosom of that perilous stuff Which weighs upon the heart?”

Jane: Well?

Gene: and the doctor replies: “Therein the patient must minister to herself.” Which means, no. Something of the mind like that must be healed by the patient.

Jane: So, I have to heal myself?

Professor: Gene is correct—

Antonio: You mean Shakespeare.

Professor: Yes, Shakespeare. (motions for Jane to get off his chest. She does) What Shakespeare was saying so eloquently is that something like your paranoia is in your mind and only you can unlock the door of your mind.

Mark: Hey, speaking of locked doors, how do you get out of the bathroom?

Jane: I took the doorknob apart. I’ve seen lots of 007 movies, the Bourne series, and a whole host of CIA-type flicks.

Mark: Then you did see the water all over the floor. That proves my story about the toilet. And the door locking, too. I don’t just stink, okay?

Jane: Oh, I see.

Professor: All of the things you think you see, Jane, can be explained. But, truly, to be paranoid as a pathology, I don’t see the other symptoms.

Jane: Like what?

Professor: You seem to trust these friends, right?

Jane: Yes.

Professor: A truly paranoid person distrusts his friends and is suspicious of them. And you don’t seem to be angry with anyone here. Do you feel as if your friends attack your reputation? Do you feel as if they insult you?

Jane: No.

Professor: You don’t have any grudges against them.

Jane: No. They’re all very nice to me.

Professor: Again, a paranoid person often holds grudges persistently and believes his or her friends are out to get them. I think, Jane, that your paranoia is a coping mechanism for something else.

Gene: That’s good work, Professor.

Professor: Thanks. Jane, is there anything in your childhood that is difficult to talk about? Tell me about your growing up.

Jane: To be honest, Professor, I just want attention. It seems that people don’t listen to me, they kind of ignore me. So, about a two years ago I decided to act paranoid. People laughed at me, but they paid attention to me.

Frank: Can I cry now, Gene?

Gene: Yes.

Sally: Jane? We listen to you.

Antonio: Yeah. I like you, Jane.

Julio: You creep me out a lot, but now that I know you’re just playing, I can work with that.

Grace: I haven’t felt this good in a long time. I’ve been waiting for this.

Mark: Me either, Grace. (starts singing to her) “I’ve been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life” (Foreigner).

All: Yeah/ Great / yee-haw

Mark: Hey, let’s all go out somewhere.

All: Yeah / Great / yee-haw

Mark: Wait! I can’t believe I didn’t do this earlier. (Gets on his knee in front of Grace. Begins singing) “Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me”

Gene: “O momentary grace of mortal men, Which we more hunt for than the grace of God!” Richard the 3 rd.

Mark: How about we all go to the Shakespeare Fest?

Julio: That’s a great idea!

Sally: Now that we’re all fixed.

Antonio: and friends!

Mark: “Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song, And I'll try not to sing out of key. I get by with a little help from my friends” Beatles.

Gene: “I count myself in nothing else so happy As in a soul remembering my good friends” (Richard the 2nd).

Mark: Nice! Hey, I gotta clean the bathroom up a little. Go ahead, I’ll just mop it p and finish tomorrow morning.

Gene: Okay. We’ll meet you upstairs.

All exit. Mark goes into bathroom. He tries to open door, but it is locked.

Mark: Gene? Grace? Anyone? Help! (Finally door opens. Mark is holding the door knob) Thank you, Jane!

Enter Gene

Gene: Hey, you all right?

Mark: Yeah. Just scared myself, that’s all.

Gene: Reminds me of one last quote from Shakespeare from The Tempest: “Be not afeared; the isle is full of noises, sounds, and sweet airs—“

Mark: Sounds like Sally.

Gene: (continues) “sometimes a thousand twangling instruments will hum about my ears—“

Mark: Grace!

Gene: “and sometimes voices—“

Mark: Jane!

Gene: “That if I then had waked after long sleep will make me sleep again—“

Mark: Antonio.

Gene: “and then in dreaming, the clouds methought would open, and show riches ready to drop on me—“

Mark: Julio.

Gene: “that when I waked I cried to dream again.”

Mark: Frank . . . wow.

Gene: We are living on Prospero’s island . . .

Mark: What?

Gene: From Shakespeare’s The Tempest. That’s where the story takes place, on an island and Prospero is the main guy. How weird.

Mark: Really weird.

All: (from within) Hey, you guys! Let’s go! / Come on! / Hurry up!

Mark: I guess it’s true, we really are just actors in the drama of the world.

Gene: This has been one remarkable evening.

Mark: A memorable night (emphasizes ‘night’, looks at Gene)

Gene: Romeo and Juliet - “a thousand times good night”

Mark: Frank Sinatra - “Strangers in the night, exchanging glances, wondering in the night what were the chances”

Gene: Nice!

All exit.