Cappuccino Coaching

Module 15Boundaries

©Ruby McGuire 2015

Welcome & Introduction(Give a few lines of introduction about yourself)

• “In my coaching I help …” (e.g - people with relationship issues or struggling with overwhelm)

• “Through questioning & coaching skills I help people …” (e.g– determine what their life purpose is, to set boundaries, set action plans & take action in their lives)

• “I’m a bit like a plumber – I help people unblock their problems!”

©Ruby McGuire 2015

What are Cappuccino Coaching Sessions?

©Ruby McGuire 2015

• A way of learning what coaching is

• A starting point for taking action and making some small changes in your life

• Safe environment – get involved as little or as much as you choose

• In business? A way of meeting like minded people, bring your business cards & share

• Not in business? Just mingle, make new friends

What We Will Cover Today

©Ruby McGuire 2015

• What are boundaries?• Different types of boundaries• How clear are your boundaries?• The main reason we let people cross them• Parent – Adult – Child relationships• Benefits of boundary setting• Strategies for improving boundaries• Things to remember• Moving forward• Mini action plan

What are boundaries?

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Group brainstorm or individual work

Oxford Dictionary Definition

“A line which marks the limits of an area; a dividing line”

Different Types of Boundaries (WkBk)

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• Physical – space invaders• Mental – thoughts, opinions• Emotional – responsibility of yourself and

others• Sexual, spiritual, material

YOU matter, you need to choose to respect yourself

How Clear Are Your Boundaries? (WkBk)

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Where do you feel you’re pushed around?

Group work: What is / isn’t acceptable to you? •When someone is asserting their rights over yours?•Time stealers?•When people are always getting their own way – feeling like a doormat?•One way relationships?•What are your limits?

How would you like things to be instead?

What work have you done around boundariesbefore?

What was the outcome? 

The Main Reasons We Let People Cross Our Boundaries (F.O.G**) (WkBk)

• Fear – seeking approval, peacemaker – avoid conflict

• Obligation – compassion, pity

• Guilt – self doubt

• Accept your role in where you are right now!

• Notice the level of request – how does it make you feel?

•Angry? Resentful? How feel in your body?•No big deal? Feeling manipulated? Conflict with values?

Parent-Adult-Child RelationshipsPossible additional content

Eric Berne – Originator of Transactional Analysis

Three ego states – PAC

ParentParent

AdultAdult

ChildChild

In a nutshell it’s how we interact

So what? Setting boundaries in a calm way! Be firm, clear and calm

Benefits of Boundary Setting (WkBk)

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• You will gain stronger relationships• You will feel more in control of your own life and

choices you make• You will buy back some time to do things you really

want to do, rather than what you think you should do

• You won’t feel frustrated, exhausted and put upon• You might find your health improves• You will be clearer about what is and isn’t

acceptable to you

Strategies for improving boundaries (WkBk)

• Commit to change / doing things differently

• Decide where you need / want to set boundaries

• Set out clearly what is / isn’t important to you

• Notice where people pleasing / over accommodating

• Plan out some phrases, counter objections (activity?)

• Stay calm and confident, rational! (Do this with kindness – retraining)

Set Boundaries Possible additional Content – Taken From People Pleasing Module

You are going to have to re-train people so that they understand what is/isn’t acceptable to you

What boundaries do you need to set to ensure your needs get met?

Write down 1 situation where you want to say 'yes/no' but you go along with the other person/people either to keep the peace or to

meet their needs.

Work together to set a boundary around it to ensure your needs get met & commit to taking action

Just Say 'No' (singing Grange Hill yet?!)

Possible additional Content – Taken From People Pleasing Module

• Worried what people might think/say• We’ve been taught to be polite and nice• 20 rejections ☺

Say No… Easy? No - but practice makes perfect

• Say no to people who cross your boundaries• Say no to things you don’t want to do• Say no to friends/family/colleagues/negativity• Say no to people who expect too much• Say no to people you don’t know

Things To Remember

• Setting boundaries takes time• People don’t like you changing and may tell you that• You have to retrain them how to behave with you

(you’ve allowed it to happen)• They are used to you being a certain way• They may challenge you / talk about you / fall out

with you• But you are just as important – reminding yourself

and them of that is not a bad thing – it’s the right thing

Are you ready to commit to respecting your boundaries?

Moving Forward (WkBk)

• You’re setting your boundaries and getting clearer on what is and isn’t acceptable to you

• You’ve got more time!

Partner work;

• What are you going to do with your new found time?• (brainstorm some fabulous ideas!)

• How will you look after you?

Mini Action Plan (WkBk)

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Individual work: Write in your workbook • What one boundary will you set as a result of

today’s session?

What do you need to do / say to make that happen?

What support will you need?

How will you celebrate once you’ve set and stuck to your chosen boundary?

What We Have Covered Today

• What are boundaries?• Different types of boundaries• How clear are your boundaries?• The main reason we let people cross our boundaries• Parent – Adult – Child relationships• Strategies for improving boundaries• Benefits of boundary setting• Things to remember• Moving forward• Mini action plan

©Ruby McGuire 2015

Enjoyed Today’s Session?

• What was the best thing about this session?

• Come back next month for our topic on ….

• Tell your friends, follow on facebook, twitter etc.. (give business card if you have one)

• Want to work with me 1-2-1 (here’s how…)

• If you’ve left your name will add it to my mailing list – latest topics, hints/tips etc..

• I will leave you with some words of wisdom

©Ruby McGuire 2015