Communication and SexualityCommunication and Sexuality

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2 Communication and SexualityLO1: Identify two ways that communication has changed over the last few years. LO2: Explain the onion theory of communication. LO3: Describe three positive results of good communication in relationships. LO4: Identify three goals that people have when communicating with others. LO5: Identify two or three positive and negative communication strategies that children may learn from their

families of origin. LO6: Identify the difference between male and female styles of communication as described by linguist Deborah

Tannen. LO7: Cite a major criticism of the assumption that men and women communicate differently. LO8: Explain the influence of same-sex play groups on the differences in the rules and assumptions about

communication learned by girls and boys. LO9: Explain why persons from an individualistic and collectivist culture might have difficulty communicating. LO10: Identify two differences in the communication styles of heterosexual and same-sex couples. LO11: Define nonverbal communication and explain how it can change the meaning of verbal communication. LO12: List the three variables that affect our use of nonverbal communication. LO13: Compare the advantages and disadvantages of verbal and nonverbal communication during sex. LO14: Identify the advantages and disadvantages of computer-mediated communication in a relationship. LO15: Identify the advantages and disadvantages of using emoticons and avatars in computer-mediated

communication. LO16: Identify and define the key components of healthy sexual communication. LO17: Identify and describe two key obstacles to sexual communication. LO22: Cite two constructive contributions to communication, and explain why they are not always easy to

practice in a relationship. LO23: Describe three types of communication patterns that can lead to conflicts in a relationship. LO24: List three characteristics that a happy couple exhibits during communication that would not be found in an

unhappy couple.

2 The Importance of Communication

2.1 The Importance of Communication

> In the past, communication was periodic, face-to-face, by telephone or by letter.

> Today, many communicate on a daily basis through social media methods such as texting and Facebook.

2 Onion Theory of Communication

2.1 The Importance of Communication

> The Onion Theory of Communication is an analogy that relates to the development of intimacy and trust in new and newer relationships

2 Good Communication and Relationships

2.1 The Importance of Communication

> Good communication is one of the most important factors in a satisfying relationship> communication fosters mutual understanding,

increases emotional intimacy, and helps deepen feelings of love and intimacy.

> poor communication skills contribute to many serious relationships problems, including physical and emotional abuse.

2 Goals of Communication

2.1 The Importance of Communication

> (1) communicate a message> (2) maintain the relationship and not hurt or offend the

person with our message> (3) project a certain image of ourselves

> All of these goals compete with one another, making the job of communicating our thoughts, needs, or desires even that much tougher.

2 Families, Children and Modeled Communication Strategies

2.1 The Importance of Communication

> Our ability to communicate, and the strategies we use to do so, were often learned through our interactions within our families.

> Family communication helps children develop a social and emotional understanding of the world.

2 Tannen’s Gender Differences in Communication

2.2 Gender Differences in Communication Styles

> Linguist Deborah Tannen coined the term genderlects> Tannen suggests that women tend to communicate to

establish relationships and connections, whereas men use more report-talk to impart knowledge and establish status.

> Tannen also found that women use less assertiveness in their communication

> Research also suggests that women use disclaimers, question statements and hedge words.

2 Alternative Explanation: Differences in Communication Skills

2.2 Gender Differences in Communication Styles

> The stereotype that women talk more than men was initially supported by a study conducted by a neuropsychiatrist that suggested women used 20,000 words per day, whereas men used only 7,000. > However, researchers aiming to replicate this study

using college students found that men and women both used about 16,000 words a day.

2 Alternative Explanation: Differences in Communication Skills

2.2 Gender Differences in Communication Styles

> Numerous studies contend that overall gender differences in many areas of communication are small, and many other factors, such as social philosophies, gender roles, dominance, power, and family of origin, contribute to our ability to communicate.

2 Same-Sex Play Groups and Communication Assumptions by Gender

2.2 Gender Differences in Communication Styles

> Maltz and Borker (1982) believe that American men and women come from different “sociolinguistic subcultures” and learn different communication rules in childhood.

2 Individualism vs. Collectivism and Communication Differences

2.3 Other Communication Differences and Similarities

2 Heterosexual vs. Same-Sex Conversational Styles

2.3 Other Communication Differences and Similarities

> Most research has studied heterosexual couples> Although, conversational styles in gay and

lesbian relationships are found to reflect power differences more than biological sex.

2 Nonverbal Communication

2.4 Nonverbal Communication

> Nonverbal communication includes facial expressions, hand and arm gestures, postures, body positioning, movements, speech rates, speech durations and speech intensities.

2> Age

> The ability to identify emotions through nonverbal expressions increases with age in childhood and then decreases in older age.

> Culture> Although negative emotions are generally identified

across cultures, positive emotions are often expressed in culturally-specific ways.

> Gender> Women, rather than men, are better at decoding and

translating nonverbal information and use more nonverbal “encouragers.”

Age, Culture, Gender and Nonverbal Communication

2.4 Nonverbal Communication

2 Verbal and Nonverbal Sexual Communication

2.4 Nonverbal Communication

> Verbal communication regarding sex expresses likes and needs more clearly

2 Computers, Communication, and Relationships

2.5 Computer-Mediated Communication

> Do you find it easier to meet people online?> The key is to take it slow.

> Can they communicate offline?

Research has found that information posted on people’s Facebook pages can provide fairly accurate information about a person’s personality.

2 “Emoticons” and Avatars

2.5 Computer-Mediated Communication

> Women were found to have an easier time making their voices heard online than in face-to-face conversations> they also use more “smileys” and other emoticons

> Avatars have increasingly been used to express emotions or feelings in online communication

2 Healthy Sexual Communication

2.6 Sexual Communication

> Approaching the subject of sex for the first time in a relationship implies moving on to a new level of intimacy, which can be scary.

> Sex can be one of the hardest things to discuss, and research reports that the majority of couples show their consent to engage in sexual intercourse by saying nothing at all.

2 Healthy Sexual Communication

2.6 Sexual Communication

> Before anyone else can accept us, we need to accept ourselves since anxieties can interfere with our ability to let go, relax, and enjoy the sexual experience

> Opening up and talking to your partner and sharing feelings, or self-disclosure, helps deepen intimacy and sexual satisfaction

> If we trust our partner and feel confident and secure in our relationship, self-disclosure will be much easier

2 Active Listening

2.7 Listening

> Listening is one of the most important communication skills

> Active listening involves using nonverbal communication to let your partner know that you are attentive and present in the conversation, exemplified by eye contact.

2 Nondefensive Listening

2.7 Listening

> One of the most important skills is nondefensive listening, which involves focusing your attention on what your partner is saying without being defensive.

> Relies on self-restraint to not interrupt

2 Interference with Effective Listening

2.7 Listening

> Information Overload> Because we hear so much all day it can be

difficult to listen clearly to everything we hear

> Preoccupation with our own concerns> We can’t be wrapped up with our own thoughts

and issues

> Rapid thoughts> Tune out other activity around you – TV,

conversations, etc.

2 What shows you are listening?

2.7 Listening

> When your partner is finished talking, it is important to summarize what your partner has told you as accurately as possible to let your partner know that you heard what he or she was saying and to correct any misunderstandings.

> It is also important to validate their statement by saying something like, “I know what you mean.”

2 Message Interpretation

2.7 Listening

> In all conversations, the recipient of the message must interpret the intended meaning of the message> However, the message is also dependent upon other

factors such as the nature of your relationship and your mood at the time.

> In one study, women who were preoccupied with their weight were more likely to interpret ambiguous sentences with negative or “fat” meanings, while women who were not preoccupied with their weight did not.

2 Constructive Communication

2.8 Constructive and Nonconstructive Communication

> Effective contributions include:> Controlling one’s temper

> anger is often fueled if harsh vs. soft words are used at the beginning of a conversation

> Accepting criticism graciously> defensive responses to things said (e.g., through denying

criticism, making excuses, not taking responsibility, or responding with righteous indignation) often block effective listening.

2 Nonconstructive Communication

2.8 Constructive and Nonconstructive Communication

> Individuals should try to be specific about complaints and avoid overgeneralizations that generally exaggerate an issue.

> like “why do you always…” or “you never…”> Overkill is another common mistake that

couples make in conversation when they threaten the worst even when it’s not true

> for example, “If you don’t do that, I will leave you.”

> It is also important to stay away from name-calling or stereotyping words that will only help escalate anger and frustration.

2 Nonconstructive Communication

2.8 Constructive and Nonconstructive Communication

> Staying away from past arguments and accusations is also important to increase healthy communication.

> Try not to throw too many issues in the conversation at once

> Avoid yelling or screaming, as both can break down all communication efforts, leading partners to get very defensive and angry.

> Verbal disagreements are a common part of intimate relationships and are much more likely during times of stress.

2 Happy Partners and Communication

2.8 Constructive and Nonconstructive Communication

> Couples that disagree are usually happier than those who say that they never fight.

> Research has shown that happier couples think more positive thoughts about each other during their disagreements, whereas unhappy couples think negatively about each other.

> Forgiveness is another important aspect of healthy couples, and couples who positively rate their relationships are more likely to forgive than those who are less invested in a relationship and withhold forgiveness.