8/14/2019 Chaotic Paramour--Chapter one: "Your heart will." http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/chaotic-paramour-chapter-one-your-heart-will 1/22 My eyes swung open. I flew across my room and slammed the button to turn off my alarm. oh, how I hated that sound. It rang in my ears like nails on a chalk board notifying me that I was still alive. Somewhere deep inside my heart I had hoped each night when I fell asleep, that I would not wake up, that I would not have to face another day. The California sun shone brightly through my second story window as if to give me a false hope that today would be different. I stood in my full body mirror searching for myself. My crimson, plaid pajama top had somehow come unbuttoned again and it was draping off my shoulder partially exposing the breasts I had been so excited to grow. Maybe I just sleep too rough, I told myself with doubt swimming around in my head. I couldn't be sure because I did not remember anything after the nightly beating I had received. My brown waist length hair was in such a mess. I could see the sorrow in my eyes, causing them to tear. The old bruises that had covered most of my body were starting to turn yellow, making room for the new ones, I knew were still to come. beep, beep, beep, beep. My alarm went off again. I guess I had hit the snooze button. I grabbed the cord with all my frustration and ripped it out of the wall. "Lil?" my step father, kapolo, yelled up the stairs. My heart stopped, my body filled with fear. I hurried to my door and threw it open, ran down the stairs skipping every other step till I was face to face with him. I knew better than to answer from my room. "Yes, sir?" I asked in a monotone voice. I could never put any personality behind my voice when I spoke to him because I feared he would see it as disrespectful or sarcastic. He taught me better than that. "Just making sure you were awake... Go get dressed. You look like a little whore" kepolo insulted. My mother just went about her morning routine, not even a second
My eyes swung open. I flew across my room and slammed thebutton to turn off my alarm. oh, how I hated that sound. It rang in myears like nails on a chalk board notifying me that I was still alive.Somewhere deep inside my heart I had hoped each night when I fellasleep, that I would not wake up, that I would not have to faceanother day.
The California sun shone brightly through my second story windowas if to give me a false hope that today would be different.
I stood in my full body mirror searching for myself. My crimson,plaid pajama top had somehow come unbuttoned again and it wasdraping off my shoulder partially exposing the breasts I had been soexcited to grow. Maybe I just sleep too rough, I told myself with
doubt swimming around in my head. I couldn't be sure because I didnot remember anything after the nightly beating I had received. Mybrown waist length hair was in such a mess. I could see the sorrowin my eyes, causing them to tear. The old bruises that had coveredmost of my body were starting to turn yellow, making room for thenew ones, I knew were still to come.
beep, beep, beep, beep. My alarm went off again. I guess I had hitthe snooze button. I grabbed the cord with all my frustration andripped it out of the wall.
"Lil?" my step father, kapolo, yelled up the stairs.
My heart stopped, my body filled with fear. I hurried to my door andthrew it open, ran down the stairs skipping every other step till I wasface to face with him. I knew better than to answer from my room.
"Yes, sir?" I asked in a monotone voice.
I could never put any personality behind my voice when I spoke to
him because I feared he would see it as disrespectful or sarcastic.He taught me better than that.
"Just making sure you were awake... Go get dressed. You looklike a little whore" kepolo insulted.
My mother just went about her morning routine, not even a second
thought about the name kapolo had just called me in front of her. Ithink the space where her heart was supposed to be, was now avacant space. The only time she ever spoke to me was when sheneeded attention. She would climb under the kitchen table with aknife and tell me goodbye while holding it up to her wrists, slowlycutting until I would beg her not to. Of course, when I was in apuddle of tears and lying about what a great mother she was, shewould stop and go about her day just fine. I had called the police somany times because my mother took some pills....well, lied to meabout taking a bottle of pills, anyway. She felt nothing for anyoneexcept herself much like a text book sociopath.
"Yes, sir" I replied again,
but only because I was not allowed to speak unless spoken too andif I had dared to say anything more I would be looking forward tomore punishment when I got home from school.
I proceeded upstairs holding back the tears that wanted ever somuch to caress my cheek. I was used to being called names by nowbut that didn't make them hurt any less. when I got to my room Iclosed the door ever so softly in fear that he would accuse me of slamming it and I was not going to give him an excuse to hurt meagain, not today.
I put on a pair of my baggy blue jeans and a long sleeved, brownshirt that fit me like a nightgown, grabbed my bag and headed toschool. I walked to school everyday. I suppose I could have rode thebus, but I didn't have any reason to. I was kind of nonexistent inschool. I wasn't a loser. I just wasn't there. It was always like this asfar back as I can remember. I have always hidden in the shadowsand just had too much to think about to care what other peoplethought about me.
As I was walking, my head down, staring at the cracks in thesidewalk and trying not to step on them. For that brief amount of timeto and from school, That was my only complication in life; don't stepon the cracks. As I was walking I came across a rolled up twentydollar bill. I picked it up and put it in my pocket. I continued to schoolwith a little skip in my step. Today is going to be a good day.
I approached the door for my first class, Photography, The smilestill on my face. A boy I hadn't seen in my class before held the door open for me. He was so beautiful. He was wearing kahki pants thatlooked as though they had just come out of a package and a blueand tan plaid button up shirt. A little dressy for school, I thought, but Ididn't much care, he looked fantastic in it. His brown hair thatcaressed his face so gently to just below his temples was like acurtain to his beautiful ice blue eyes that seemed to pierce into mysoul. They were like white marble with a crystal blue shade of glasslayered beautifully on top and they were encircled with a deep deminblue ring. He had a very masculine jaw line and his lips...oh how iwanted them to be the first to touch mine. He was tall but not too tallmaybe six feet but no more. He had Pale skin that looked as soft asa new born and he smelled like fresh spring flowers after a rainfall.
Every time he walked by I would breathe him in deep and try to holdonto that intoxicating smell.
The bell rang for school to start and for the first 15 minutes I had noidea what my teacher was saying his voice blurred as it entered myears. My mind racing with thoughts about this this guy. I wanted toknow him. I was mesmerized by him.
When the teacher was done talking we all went about our ownroutines. I still had film that needed to be developed, so I made myway to the dark room. This wasn't like the ones you see in themovies, there wasn't a little purple light so you could see. This darkroom was black, no light at all, so you have to do everything blind.Iplaced the film on the counter when a knock came at the door.
"Come in" I said with a little bit of attitude.
Whoever it is....can't they see the sign on the door. -work inprogress..do not open the door- but as it swung open the light
blinding me. I saw a figure in the door way. The light glowing behindhim. His broad shoulders that tapered down to a waist almostsmaller than mine.
"Mind if I join you?" he asked In a soft tone.
His voice surging through me like electricity, Invigorating all my
"it's not my dark room. Do what you like" I huffed.
I had not meant to sound so angry but that's how it came out. He came into the room and closed the door behind him, locking it.
When I heard the metal scraping sound of the door lock, my heartwent into overdrive. I thought it would beat right out of my chest. Mybreathing deepend as I sensed he was getting closer.
"So, how come I've never seen you here before?" I snipped.
"In the dark room?" he responded. sarcasm dripping from his
tongue. pausing for just a moment before continuing."I don't go to school... the teacher is a good friend of my Mom's
and he lets me use the photo lab whenever I like."
"you don't go to school?" I inquired
"nope. I Graduated." graduated? he couldn't be much older thanI am.
"how old are you?" I asked puzzled
" I turn Eighteen in November, and you?" he continued windinghis film into the machine.
"I am gunna be sixteen next month." I said with a little grin.Taking my time finishing my film.
"October?" he asked
"yep"
I heard the cupboard open. As he put his film inside to dry I lookedin his direction straining to see him in the pitch black when I sawwhat looked to be glowing eyes sparkling like purple amethyst. Theywere only there for a second then disappeared as fast as they came.I need to stop inhaling all these chemicals all the time their making
"Are you done with your film?" he asked as he walked past metowards the door.
Breathing him in again. I pulled my film out and hung it in thecupboard.
"yeah"
He opened the door and proceeded to walk out. I wasn't far behindhim.
He sat at the table in the back of the classroom doing his own thing
while my teacher was explaining our new project. I wish I could tellyou what I learned but the rest of class was kind of blurry. I wasdaydreaming about this guy, replaying what had just happened andwhat I could have done differently. I didn't even get his name, but itdidn't make him any less beautiful to me. I spent the rest of classtrying to get another good glance at his face, without getting caught.
As I was going through the lunch line I realized I still had thattwenty I had found. I decided to treat myself to some ice cream.When I neared the cashier a girl in front of me seemed to be short acouple dollars for her lunch. I got free lunches so I figured why nothelp her out. As I pulled the money from my pocket and began tounroll it I realized that it wasn't twenty at all, it was forty, My luckyday! I offered it to the cashier to pay for my ice cream and her lunch.
"Where did you get this much money from?" asked the cashier
"I found it on my way to school today" I replied with a smile onmy face
"oh" is all she had to say before giving me my change.
The other kids saw that I had money and began asking me for icecream and for me to pay for them to get pizza instead of what wason the menu. I obliged because I had found the money, I didn't needit for anything and maybe I'll get some friends out of it.
By the time lunch was over, I had spent over half the money, but Ididn't care. This day has been fantastic and I won't let anything bringme down. Today is my day!
I went through the rest of my classes like a robot. My heart oncloud nine dancing with my thoughts about the guy I had met inphotography class.
When school was almost over my english teacher received aphone call.
"Lillith Vaughan?" he called out to the class just after he hungup. His eyebrows curled up as though he didn't know who that was
"Yeah?" I responded with embarrassment swept across my face
"They need you in the office." he muttered before returning hiseyes to his desk.
That's my name Lillith Jaden Vaughan. My mother pretends to be
real religious, always reciting the bible, or her version of what shethought it said, in every conversation she has. She also claims to be"clairvoyant" as she calls it. Just a fancy word for psychic, although Ifelt that psycho was more befitting of her. So, according to mymother; I came to her in a dream and told her my name. She's acouple pancakes short of a stack!
word to the wise......Drugs arebad!
When I got to the office I was told to have a seat. I sat therestaring at the pictures that had to have been there since the schoolwas built asking myself if they had ever been cleaned. The dustcaked on them was so thick that Trying to see the photographsunderneath was like looking at one of those seeing eye things where
you have to almost go cross-eyed to see it.My principal walked out of his office his glasses pushed down to
the tip of his nose. He was wearing a tan overcoat and pants thatlooked like my carpet at home, they were a dark faded grey.
"Lillith?" he called out, glancing around as if there were other kids in the room.
"It's Lilly!" I snipped as I grabbed my bag and headed into hisoffice.
"Lillith.......or....um... Lilly is it?" He began. I nodded inagreement as I sat down in the brown leather chair.
"Some of the teachers have brought to my attention that youfound some money here at school and I, for one ,.... think it shouldhave been turned in to be returned to its rightful owner." he said witha smug look on his face.
"I found that money down the street from my house which isalmost a mile from here." I said so matter of fact,
bobbing my head here and there. My eyebrows almost touchingeach other in the middle as I arched them causing them to form a von my forehead. My arms crossed as I leaned back in my chair,staring him down. Today was my day and no one was going to takeit from me.
"Well, as I can see your not going to be cooperative, I amgoing to call your parents and have them deal with this situation"he responded while opening a folder that I could only assumecontained my information.
"Please don't" I begged.I tried and tried to convince him but he wouldn't budge.
On the walk home I tried to figure how that could get me intotrouble. Ok, so I found some money? who cares. I can't get in troublefor that. I tried to convince myself that I wouldn't get beat today butwith every step I took I could feel it coming. I approached my front
door, my palms sweaty, and told myself to think good thoughts. Igripped the round brass handle, took a deep breath and opened mydoor.
Kepolo was sitting on the couch, his punishment of choice layingacross his lap as if it were a beloved pet. His eyes so shallow anddark, I could hardly make out the white areas. His bushy eyebrows
slightly lifted. With his chin down he stared at me with viciousexcitement, like a lion right before the kill.
"How was your day at school?" He asked provoking me to lie tohim so he had an excuse to beat me all the more.
"Good, I found forty bucks on the ground on my way to school." Itold him, trying to convince him that there was no call for me to be introuble. He began to nod as if to approve before he said
"Where is it?"
I reached for my pocket and pulled out what was left and handedit to him.
"You found forty bucks? and yet somehow you only have...." hebegan and then counted it up.
"sixteen dollars and some change left?" The anger welling up inhis eyes.
"Yes, sir" my voice became monotone again
"Explain that to me! Explain how you found forty dollars, thatshould have come home to me, and only came back with sixteen!"He demanded as his hand clenched the weapon still lying in his lap.It was his favorite to use on me. It was about the length of a baseballbat and made of pvc pipe with holes drilled down it like a wiffle ball,designed and made by kepolo himself. I knew what was coming.Never did I see this thing and not feel it.
"I bought some of my friends and I Ice cream and helped acouple kids pay for lunch." I cried. I couldn't lie, Not even if it wouldhave saved me, because I didn't know what my principal had told
him. My entire being filled with fear.
"Pull your pants down and bend over the couch" he said.
I thought about this for a second. I don't know what came over meusually I would just do as I was told, but this time I had a new foundstrength. I am almost sixteen. I am too old to pull my pants down and
bend over, what a pervert! Not that it mattered whether I bent over or not, because no matter how still I kept myself, he managed to hit meeverywhere else except my behind.
"No" I said under my breath, it just slipped out"I am too old to pull my pants down and bend over...If your going
to hit me, I'll take it standing up." I continued in a quiet voice, tryingto tell myself to shut up.
He grabbed me by my arms in one hand and my hair in the other and slammed me face first on the hard wood floor. I landed on my
jaw and it began to throb. He began to beat me with the stick and themore I cried the harder he hit me. He told me that when I stoppedcrying, he would stop hitting me. If I didn't cry at all, he would hit me
harder to make me cry, and If I cried he would hit me harder until Istopped. I had another one of those "out of body experiences" Iguess their called. I watched the rage well up in his eyes from thetop corner of the room. I saw what looked like a smile on his face ashe yelled
"Do you think I enjoy this? this hurts me more than it hurts you!"
yeah right I thought.My mother just went on cooking like nothing was going on...but
then again this is a daily ritual. I guess after a while her heart justcallused over. When he finally stopped, I was drawn back into mybody. Everything hurt I could hardly breathe my clothes were soakedin blood and tears. Then he asked
"Do you know why you are in trouble?"
I had to watch my reply because I was unsure what I could saythat would not start the whole thing all over again...
"I..."
"you spent my money." He interrupted me. I just lay therepuzzled. I found it on the ground how could it be his...but I dared notto ask.
"Anything that belongs to you or is in your possession is mine!The next time you find money you come straight home and put it intomy hands. It is not yours. Its MINE!!!"
I knew that even if I had brought the money straight home I would
have gotten beat for being late to school. It wasn't a matter of whether or not I would get beat, It was what for.
I hurt so bad all I could think of was how to kill him and get awaywith it. I should be used to this by now but when I manage to not crythe whole time, he finds something more painful to hit me with. Ihave thought about wearing several pairs of underwear and pantsbut that would only take the sting off my butt which he does not hitvery often. I thought for a second, would he think something was up
if I walked downstairs one day with several pairs of underwear on myhead? I tried to laugh but I was quickly reminded of what had justhappened when I could not get enough air in my lungs.
"Are you hungry?" he asked as I lay there on the floor.
"yes.sir" I replied. I always had to call him sir or suffer a replayof what just happened.
"Good, then you can have a big breakfast" he told me beforecontinuing
"you're lucky I am letting this whole thing slide"
let it slide? let it slide? well, thank you kind sir. I would hate to seewhat would have happened had he not let it slide.
"Thank you,sir" I replied but when I said sir I convinced myself itmeant ass hole and I said it proudly.
"Go to bed" then he pointed his finger at the stairway with asnap
as always I had fifteen minutes to fall asleep or the whole thingstarted again.
I plugged in my alarm clock and set it for seven. I got into mypajamas. I hated my pajamas they only reminded me of what was tocome. With every button I did came a tear. As I lay down in my bedwhich was right below my window and began to cry again. I don'tknow if it was because of the emotional pain or the fact that mywhole body was throbbing and laying on it was not helping.
"Daddy" I called out to the stars through my window in a lowsobbing voice. I didn't really know my dad. I had only seen him acouple times but i didn't care that he was neglectful. I just didn't wantto be here anymore.
"Daddy. Where are you?" I so wished he would barge through myfront door and save me from all this. Save me from them.
Thirteen minutes. I told myself. I have about thirteen minutes left.
The stars looked like little pin pricks in a blanket of beautiful blackvelvet. one, two, three, four.....I began to count the stars in anattempt to fall asleep.
Soon the sound of foot steps coming up the stairs seemed tomatch my counting. I rolled over on my stomach, Flung the coversover my head and tried to pretend I was asleep. The door to myroom creaked open.
"lil?" he called out, But I did not answer.I could hear each footstep creaking towards me. My heart began to
pound like a drum in a marching band. Not tonight I told myself.Tonight he will think I am asleep and leave me alone. He sat on thebed next to me and I forgot to breathe for what seemed like aneternity. He Patted me on the back and the pain forced me to finallybreathe and cry out.
"I knew you were faking, Do you think I'm such an idiot that I
can't tell when your faking it?" he said in a voice that made metremble.
"I was asleep..." I pleaded
"and Now your going to lie to me?..." he said, his voice calm andmalicious
that abomination that married my mother, but hate for even beingborn. I wanted to die. Hundreds of ways to do it cycled through myhead. Hang myself, drive a knife through my heart, drink bleach.There were so many options.
I got into the shower. the water was ice cold, I jarred the handle allthe way to the left. It slowly became warm and then scolding, but Istood there anyway, every inch of me burning. I scrubbed andscrubbed but no matter how hot the water was or how much soap Iused I still felt contaminated by him. I got out of the shower, mysorrow dissolved and indignation took its place. Now I wascontemplating ways to kill him. I didn't care about jail time I just knewthat I would be doing everyone a favor by wiping him from the face of the earth, but how. Stab him in his sleep? yeah right he would catchme and kill me. Hey, wait...If I succeed then he is gone for good I'll
never have to see him again. If I fail I'm gone for good...sameoutcome.
I knew I didn't have the guts to take his life but it made me feelbetter to imagine the ways I could. I got dressed and and went intomy room. I tore my sheets off my bed and contemplated burningthem and the house along with 'em. I threw myself around my roomknocking everything on my dresser over. I pulled each drawer outand flung it accross my room. I knew kepolo would not hit me beforeI went to school, he never had before, probably because it wouldbring attention to him if I couldn't breathe in class. I was ripping myposters off my wall when....My mother came in
"What the hell is going on in here?" she demanded
"Whats it matter to you? you don't FUCKING care!" I said in a lowgrowl
"You don't talk to me like to that..." she began before I cut her off
"OR WHAT?? You'll have that piece of shit RAPE me again?? DOIT!!! I fuckin' dare you."
"rape you??...you are such a LIAR! you'll say anything to ruin myhappiness! wont you you little bitch?"
"OH I'M THE BITCH??? you are the most self centered person I
However, I decided that he was not worth me thinking aboutanymore today and I blocked him from my mind.
Once he was gone all I could think about was this new guy andhow he gave me butterflies throughout my entire being. He seemedto be able to take my pain away without even knowing it. I inhaledmy hamburger and french fries, which usually tasted like I imaginedroad kill would taste and had all the texture of a rubber tire, but I wasso hungry it tasted like steak and lobster to me. When I was done Iclosed my eyes and began daydreaming about my blue eyed angelagain. Our first kiss, The prom, Marriage, what our kids might looklike. I pulled out my note book and began drawing hearts and writingthe word Love all over the place when I felt a tap on my shoulder.
WHAM! I slammed my notebook closed so hard my pen flew acrosscafeteria.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you" said the Angel of mydreams in a laughing tone
"oh....um...no ya...you didn't scare me." I replied in a shaky voiceeven I had never heard before.
For some reason I felt terrifyingly nervous just talking to him today.
He put his food down and began to walk away.
"where are you going?" I yelled with panic on my tongue. I couldswear the whole cafeteria stopped and looked at me.
"Relax sweetheart. I was just getting your pen," as he handed itto me
sweetheart? O my god! Did he just call me sweetheart? I chokedon my milk.
"My name is Angelo" what a perfect name for an angel, I thought.Repeating that name in my head
"So are you gunna tell me your name? or should I just call yousweetheart?"
"Do you have one?" he said in a sarcastic tone before continuing"I didn't catch one yesterday and I wasn't going to ask. You didn't
seem like you were in a very good mood."
"Ask what" I said defensively...brain; still not in gear
"A name, sweetheart. Do you have a name?" he asked again witha quirky smile on his face.
He just called me sweetheart again! I thought in disbelief
"uh huh" I replied before taking another drink of my milk
"well??"
"oh, Yeah, Lilly. my name is Lilly" I replied. Brain status? In gear,but not full throttle.
"Lilly? That's a beautiful name" And it was only because he wasthe one who said it. It just rolled off his tongue like a soft, coolbreeze. My butterflies turned into hummingbirds now.
"What are you doing here? I thought you didn't go to school?" Iasked quite confused.
"You looked like something was on your mind...so I stayed hopingyou would allow me to have lunch with you" His smile widened
"Of course." I responded almost too eager. He took a seat accross
from me.
"So what's on your mind, beautiful?"
"Nothin." I answered plainly. I didn't want to think about it anymore.
"Look, I don't wanna talk about it,ok?" I snapped. We sat in silencefor a while. I felt bad for talking to him like that, but I just guess if youdon't let them in it's not hard to let them go.
Just then the bell rang. lunch was over. Thank god. Now I havetime to figure out how to explain that.
"Talk to you later, sweetheart....oh I mean...Lilly" he said with aslight head bow without allowing his eyes to leave mine.
I gave a little smile and hurried back to class.
For the next hour or so I tried to figure out which I liked him callingme more... sweetheart or lilly. Either one sounded beautiful coming
from him. I think he could have called me fido and I would still lovethe way it sounded coming from his enchanting voice.
I finished out the day at school, I allowed nothing but thoughts of him to swim around in my head but they were transforming,morphing into nightmares. I would think of him and I kissing for thefirst time and my mind would turn as we finished and he would justbegin hitting me. I pictured him holding me up by the throat callingme a little whore. As much as I fought, these thoughts kept coming.When the bell rang and school was over I walked out of myclassroom and began to walk across the grass towards Adaline st.As I approached the parking lot, still in my own little world,attempting to keep the nightmares at bay.
"Hey lilly." I heard him call. In that intoxicating voice that sentshocks like a bolt of lightning starting from my Heart and spreadingout in all directions. They shot through my arms till they reached myfingertips leaving nothing but goosebumps behind, like a love notefrom myself, telling me to give him a chance.
I kept walking. Telling myself he'll just turn out like my step dad,he'll just wind up hurting me like everyone else. Don't turn around, Itold myself over and over again until I felt his hand grab mine,causing me to drop my bag. He pulled, spinning me around to facehim.
Eyes locked to each others, as if our souls were trying to
communicate, with or without our permission. The sun was waning,submitting to the clouds, as I was submitting to him. It began tosprinkle delicate raindrops in the warm air. looking deep into his soul,I was comforted by him. He seemed to wipe doubt completely frommy mind, wipe everything from my mind. In that moment no one andnothing existed. My hand still in his, he lifted his other hand andsoftly brushed the bangs out of my face. His fingers followed theoutline of my face down past my temple, he caressed my cheekboneever so sweetly with his thumb before reaching with his fingers like acomb into the back of my hair. His thumb resting on my cheek. Thescenery behind him blurred, till all I saw was his alluring face,enticing me, begging me to get closer. He let go of my hand but onlyto rest it on the small of my back. we both pulled closer to oneanother, until I could feel his heart against mine, the two beats
becoming one, creating a beautiful melody, only we could feel. Iclosed my eyes to bask in the feelings of it all. My lips hungry withanticipation for his. He pulled me into him, hard, as though he never wanted to let go.
Our lips met, wet from the beautiful rain. My heart racing to catchup to his. My whole body tingled with waves of excitement. My handfollowed up his arm that was around me, exploring every detail of iton my way up to his collar bone when my hand stopped on his chest
just over his heart. In that moment...I felt whole, complete. My bodyfelt weightless like the first drop on a roller coaster. In that moment Ihad forgotten who I was, and I didn't care. In his arms I becamesomeone else... I became his and that's all I wanted to be, with allmy heart, might, mind, body and soul. I never wanted this feeling toend. Something awakened inside me and I couldn't explain it, but Ididn't have to. This was pure, untouched, Undying love. It was afeeling I wasn't accustomed to, but I planned to never again livewithout it. Living without love, is not living at all and I would rather diewith love on my lips, than live with hate in my heart.
Our kiss seemed to go on for eternity, but it was still over all toosoon. His kiss still fresh on my lips. When it was over all I wantedwas more. I craved it. I bit my bottom lip to taste his sweet kiss onemore time. Breathing in deep I replayed it in my mind. He graspedmy head in his soft hands and kissed me on the forehead. I was soovercome with emotion I swung my arms around his waist resting myhead on his chest. I began to cry. Its funny how any extreme feeling
brings tears, Happiness, Hate, Love, Anger and pain. I was taught tohide my tears with shame, but I refuse, I wore these tears with pride.
He leaned in, his cheek against mine and whispered
"come with me, I want to show you something"
Oh, how I wanted to go. I would go anywhere with him, but I wasalready going to suffer enormously when I got to my house becauseof the scene I had made and I was sure if I did not come straighthome he would undoubtedly KILL me. Which, on any other day buttoday would have been just fine, but now I wanted to live, if only totaste Angelo's kiss one more time. I wanted to live.
"I can't, my step father" I sighed "he'll kill me" fear surging
through my body.
"Your trembling. that didn't sound like a figure of speech. Whatare you so afraid of?" he said with concern written on his face
"Look, don't worry about it...I just...I need to get home" I tried toconvince him
"I'll walk you then.. let's go" he offered
"NO!" I shouted. I have no idea how kepolo would respond and Ididn't want to provoke him. He would probably think I had told angeloand I didn't want him to get hurt too.
"Lilly" he said looking in my eyes "Sweetheart, tell me what'swrong. Why are you so scared?"
"I'm not...I just have things to do. I gotta do my homework...."Itried to convince him, when he interrupted me
"Your homework?" he began giggling under his breath "You can'tlie to me, but if your gunna try, at least come up with somethingbetter than homework" he said smiling at me
"I'm not lying!" I yelled defensively pushing him away. I grabbedmy bag, flung it over my shoulder and began to walk home.
I heard him yell from about twenty feet behind me"If you wont tell me....." he seemed to appear right in front of me,
and whispered".......Your heart will"
He grasped my head in his hands, his fingers in my hair. He gazedinto my eyes as if to look for something. I froze in place, staring backinto his eyes as they changed from Aquamarine to bright glowinggreen with hints of ocean blue like Tsavorite Garnet, silver shardsswam around in his eyes causing small bolts of lightning to flicker like candles on a windy day. I may have been frightened if I had notbeen so mesmerized.
My mind reawakened by him. My whole body surging with energy.
Suddenly I was seeing all my horrible memories one after the other in flashes. like my mind was on fast forward. Only, this time I was onthe outside looking in. what is he doing to me? I watched thememories one after the other. I realized I did have memories of ALLthe things that had ever happened. I guess I had blocked them frommy mind but watching them now I understand why I had locked themaway. All my pain resurfaced. Tears seemed to pour from my eyesas I watched all the things I had forgotten, all the things I didn't wantto remember had happened.
A few minutes passed and I snapped out of it. Still in his hands, our eyes still locked, My body still frozen in place.
Small, glowing black, orbs began lifting out of my chest. Angelo letgo of me and snatched them out of the air. Cupping them in hishands he whispered something to them that I couldn't quite makeout, It seemed to be some other language. He opened his hands andthey flew out going in all directions. I felt weak and dizzy.
I looked at Angelo as I began to fall. He threw his arms around mywaist, catching me, then he put an arm under my knees and picked
me up. I gazed up at the sky, the rain falling like snowflakes, soft andgraceful. I closed my eyes... my thoughts taking me back to our kissas I fell asleep from the overwhelming exhaustion I felt from whathad just happened.
