Chapter Eight Enhancing Relationships

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Chapter #8 Enhancing Relationships

Stages of relational escalation

Stages of relational de-escalation

Interpersonal conflict styles

PUGSS Model of conflict

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Stages of Relational Development

• Five Stages of Relational Escalation

• Five Stages of Relational De-Escalation

• Most often applied to romantic relationship but can be applied to friends, family, or colleagues

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Elevator Model

Floors can be skipped

Floors can be revisited

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Relational Escalation

Intimacy Intensification Exploration Initiation Pre-

Interaction Awareness

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Pre-Interaction Awareness Aware of attraction

Start observation

Talk with others about that person

No direct interaction yet

Note: You may never move to the next floor if your impressions of the person are not favorable

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Initiation Stage Initiate contact directly

First date type questions and answers Nonverbal behavior will indicate

interest

Trying to find common ground

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Exploration Stage Share more in depth info

Minimal physical contact

Limit amount of time spent together

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Intensification Partners begin to depend on each other for

confirmation of self-concept

More time spent together

More intimate physical distance and contact

Personalize language

Increase breadth and depth

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Intimacy Partners provide primary confirmation of

each other’s self-concept

Highly personalized verbal language

Great deal of physical contact Understand each other without words

Know anything and everything about each other

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Relational De-Escalation

Turmoil Stagnation De-

Intensification Individualization Separation Post-Interaction

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Turmoil Stage Increase conflict Find faults with each other Relationship loses clarity

Interactions are difficult and forced

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Stagnation Stage Take each other for granted

Communication and physical contact between partners decreases

Spend less time together

Don’t necessarily engage in conflict

Go through the motions without joy

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De-intensification Stage Significantly decreased interaction

Increased physical emotional and psychological distance

Decreased dependence on each other

May discuss definition of relationship Hard to move back to intimacy at this point

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Individualization Stage Define their lives as individuals

Don’t view the other as partner anymore

Interaction limited

Changes from we to you and me

Physical intimacy all time low15

Separation Stage Intentional decision to eliminate

further interaction

Divide property/resources/friends

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Post-interaction Stage Lasting effects of the relationship

Baggage

Public statement for people who ask why we broke up

Sense of self gets battered work hard to regain a healthy sense of self

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Assessing Your Learning

Selena and Paulina are exchanging routine information about their hometowns, music preferences, and mutual acquaintances. This reflects which stage of relational development?• A.) Pre-interaction• B.) Initiation• C.) Exploration• D.) Intensification

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Power and RelationshipsComplementary One up, one down One partner always has the power

Symmetrical Both up, both down Both partners compete to have power or to

relinquish power

Parallel Give and take Alternates between partners depending on who is

better equipped

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Styles of Conflict

Non-confrontational style Avoid conflict / give in

Confrontational style Win-lose approach / seek to always

win

Cooperative style Win-win climate

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PUGSS Conflict Model

P = Problem: Describe It

U = Understanding: Achieve It

G = Goals: Identify Them

S = Solutions: Brainstorm

S = Solution: Select the Best One

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PUGSS Model Guidebook Page 48

Describe the problem Descriptive VS evaluative language (self-disclosure)

Achieve mutual understanding Paraphrase or ask questions

Identify goals What you want and your partner wants

Brainstorm possible solutions Don’t evaluate and list all possible options

Select best solution Compromise, work to meet part of both goals

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Assessing Your Learning Matt is on the “fast track” at work and receives

a promotion every year. He spends little time with his wife Katie. Katie’s career is equally demanding of her time, however she finds time to spend with her husband. She is upset that he doesn’t find time to spend with her. After discussing the issue with Matt, she asks him to paraphrase what she has said to see if he can see her perspective.

What stage in PUGSS are they working through?

A. Identifying the ProblemB. Achieving Understanding C. Identifying GoalsD. Brainstorming Solutions

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Important TEST MATERIAL Read 43-48

Page 49 bold vocabulary very important

Become familiar with PUGSS using case studies

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