Chemical Dependency in the Family

Affects on the family:

Addiction in the family affects any family member in any area of their life – now or in the future.

Affects on the family:

It affects their view of a family

How they relate to each other in their family

How they communicate with each other

How they handle their problems and conflicts

It affects future relationships – usually carries over from what they learn

Family Roles:

The family will take on roles to reduce stress in the family.

They are used as a defense mechanism to try to have a “normal” family.

Chemically Dependent Person

Things Others See:

Charming person who gets others to do things.

Perfectionist

Inner Feelings:

Pain

Guilt

Fear of what might happen

Chemically Dependent Person

Job in the family:

Focal point: everything revolves around them. Depends on if they had been drinking, what mood are they in…

Characteristics:

Blames others for their problem

Makes excuses for their use/abuse

Chief Enabler

Things Others See:

Overly responsible for the family

Easily manipulated by the chemically dependent person

Inner Feelings:

Fear

Anger

Guilt

Chief Enabler

Job in the family:

Try the best to keep the family together

Characteristics:

Makes excuses and covers up for the addict

Pays off debts for them, call in sick for them, etc.

Family Hero

Things Others See:

Very successful and always does what’s right

Inner Feelings:

Inadequate

Confusion

Anger - all of this conflicts with what others see

Family Hero

Job in the family:

Gives the family something to be proud of

Characteristics:

Very high achiever – has to be the best in grades, sports, etc.

VERY STRESSFUL ROLE

Family Scapegoat

Things Others See:

Angry

Defiant

Aggressive

Inner Feelings:

Lonely

Hurt

Guilty

Rejection

Resentment

Family Scapegoat

Job in the family:

Take focus off the addict

Family takes out anger on them

Family Scapegoat

Characteristics:

Can’t compete with the hero, so goes for negative attention. Gets in trouble – suspended, arrested, flunking classes.

Strong ties to friends that are also trouble

At risk to use/abuse drugs – their escape

Lost Child

Things Others See:

Withdrawn

Loner

Passive

Inner Feelings:

Feel as if they are unimportant

Lost Child

Job in the family:

Appreciated because they are not looking for any attention

Characteristics:

Escapes into a fantasy world – books, TV. A daydreamer.

Very quiet, not a lot of friends.

May be attached to an object like a doll.

Family Mascot

Things Others See:

Immature, a “class clown”

Inner Feelings:

Anger

Insecure

Confusion

Low self-esteem

Family Mascot

Job in the family:

Make everyone laugh – even in tense situations

Characteristics:

Hyperactive

Short attention span

Needs to be the center of attention

Stages Family MAY Go Through:

Stage one: Denial “We have no problem”

Try to hide the problem from themselves and others, embarrassed and worried about their reputation. Makes excuses for the addicts’ behavior.

Tries to create the “perfect family” illusion

Stages Family MAY Go Through:

Stage two: Home Treatment “We can handle it ourselves”

They try to control the addict themselves – nagging, threatening, getting rid of the supply, etc. They become socially isolated

They blame each other and themselves when this fails

Stages Family MAY Go Through:

Stage three: Chaos and Disorganization

A crisis occurs because of the addict’s abuse of drugs – can no longer deny or hide the problem.

Family feels helpless, violence may occur, frightened

May look for help – want “magic solution”

Stages Family MAY Go Through:

Stage four: Reorganize Family gets help for themselves – not waiting

for the addict to want help

Ignore the addict or treat them like a child

Conflicting feelings – love, fear, anger, shame and resentment