Christ-centred families in the 21st Century

3. Marriage and ecclesial life

Starting a family

• They should get used to being married and living together as a couple. Not that if it does happen that it is a bad thing but it can be hard to be raising a baby after only 10 or 11 months of being married and still getting used to being together.

• Children bind a husband and wife in a strong and special way. Having kids gives parents the chance to love their kids, demonstrating the greater love of our heavenly Father.

• You need to develop as a couple before taking on a new identity as someone's parent. Once you have kids, they consume your world...

Wonderful benefits• It is so nice when ecclesias have family activities in

which all the members can participate. We always go home talking about the fun we have had. It helps to make the members of the ecclesia "bond".

• Also, activities for the children/teens are vital! CYC, trips and fun activities help the kids to "bond" together!

• It is also wonderful when a family is having difficulties for other members to support without criticism. Cards, phone calls, flowers, etc., are all reminders of the loving support of our ecclesial family.

• Just so wonderful to be able to meet with our ecclesial family and be welcomed by everyone, sharing fellowship each time, breaking bread, praying together.

Blessings and pressures

• Being around other families with similar beliefs and values, and spending time with them is important, because most of the time you're bombarded with worldly images and values.

• However, I do think that sometimes younger parents with young kids can be overwhelmed trying to keep up with ecclesial duties while also working to provide for their families.

Giving and receiving help

• I've seen the ecclesia try to help families who desperately needed help and didn't want it and became very offended, agitated and angry about the help that was being offered.

Preparation for marriage

• Much more should be done with counselling before marriage. Many people think that just because both are baptised that they will have a successful marriage. It takes much more than just having the same faith to make a marriage a success. I also don't think that we as a community freely discuss some of the problems we face in this world because we are often too embarrassed.

Welcoming new members

• Coming in from the "outside" I have had a very difficult time connecting to many Christadelphians since so many of them are blood related and have that family bond. I don't see a lot of effort by many brothers and sisters to extend themselves to those from the "outside".

Room for improvement• Some people do not seem to welcome children at

ecclesial activities, others are appalled if you don't attend everything. It's hard as a mother to determine which action will offend the least amount of people.

• There is so much finger pointing and critical statements that children tend to believe that the ecclesia is not the foundation of a happy place to be.

• Many ecclesias will not change the schedule they have had in place for 100 years. I believe that ‘all things should be done decently and in order’ but board members should have minds open to some of the youth's problems and try to get inside their heads about what God requires, making it pleasant and joyful and not demanding.

Supporting one another• I think families who have extended family in the

meeting are very well taken care of, but those who have no other family can be alone.

• It is up to certain age groups to organize themselves and help their group... single adults, young mothers who stay at home, seniors, families with teens, families with small children.

• We need to support one another. An awareness of encouraging more family style activities outside of Sunday School and Memorial service is helpful. Being more understanding of where everyone is in their "season" of life.

Learning to be Christ-like• It often seems as if we as a body emphasize "study" and

"classes" whereby we learn lots of "facts" and not necessarily the application of what we have learned to our lives and how we can be more Christ-like in our walk to the Kingdom. The learning of facts seems to be the "end all." We have a weekly "class" and a weekend "Study" once or twice a year.

• Neither of these is wrong of course, and both are needed. But that is basically all we do. We have next to no social interaction or strengthening of families and individuals.

• The arranging brethren have no idea how my family is doing spiritually (my ecclesia is not large). Unfortunately it usually takes someone having a spiritual crisis before action is taken. We can tend to be reactive instead of pro-active.

The wider ecclesial family

• We need to ensure that the children are able to socialise as much as possible with a range of other Christadelphian children at camps and Bible schools and youth groups etc.

• This hopefully ensures that the children have their true base of friends as believers, rather than depending on school friends for social support.