HASHTAGSRAT WROTE THIS Dear Fellow Tigers, At some point in every leader’s life, she must choose whether she will be popular or respected. It’s all fine and good to be cool and fun and popular, but every effec- tive individual must eventually make the hard choice to follow the rules, regardless of whether people will dislike them for it. Clemson Parking Services, also known as CPS or The Devil’s Servants, are to be ap- plauded for making those hard choices, for choosing social order over social success. CPS is a perfect example of the social contract. In a functioning, non-anarchical society, citizens agree to render their ani- malistic free will to law in order to obtain protection and services from their society. In other words, people stop doing what- ever ratchet shit that they want to do in order to have the advantages of belonging to a group. So can you blame that god- forsaken CPS dude for tooling around the Horseshoe in his little SmartCar and wind- breaker, just trying to maintain social order for you selfish twats? It’s not his fault that you decided to hog a 30-minute spot. Furthermore, if you’ve ever noticed the absolute joy that the parking guy derives from handing out tickets, it’s downright cruel of you to attempt to deny him such happiness. As Cher Horowitz so wisely stated, “It’s like that book I read in the 9th grade that said ‘tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people’.” It’s the high- est human pursuit to act in a way that will bring joy to others; isn’t it worth it to give both that hard-working gentleman and our university -- which works so hard to not squeeze us for cash at any chance they get- - $30 and a little derivative happiness for staying in a 30 minute spot for 35 minutes on a Sunday? It doesn’t seem like that big of a price for blatantly breaking a clearly stated rule, or for making someone’s day. Frankly, one should leave his car out any chance he gets in order to fill that beautiful CPS bastard’s time and wallet. The recent- ly-ticketed should shake the officer’s hand and thank him for his service to our univer- sity as he firmly, but lovingly places that or- ange ticket on his windshield. Considering all the parking enforcement responsibility that he’s charged with -- of the strenuous task of indiscriminately shilling tickets and citations, of all the strain he puts on himself to maintain parking order -- one must fight the urge to tenderly embrace the CPS of- ficer, thanking him for his dutiful service. Think about all of the heinous parking cita- tions that the Clemson student body com- mits daily, horribly inconveniencing all of the five people who both live on campus and use their car during the school day. In the time that CPS employees mitigate such disorder, one can’t help but get a little emotional. The man doling out the tickets is a modern hero—akin to our boys in blue, our firefighters, our elementary school teachers, our thankless civil servants. Next time you consider misusing Clemson Parking Services for whatever undoubt- edly selfish reason you have, stop to con- sider all of the hard work that CPS does for us, despite the fact that it has brought all of their workers massive unpopularity. He’s just doing his job, you rule-breaking asshats. Yours in complete and total insincerity, Hashtagsrat The Black Sheep Vol. 4, Issue 4 2/20/14 - 3/5/14 • KEEP UP WITH US! • @BLACKSHEEP_CLEM • THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM • CAN’T AFFORD TO GO ALL OUT FOR SB2K14? HERE ARE SOME SUGGESTIONS. TOP 10: SPRING BREAK ALTERNATIVES PAGE 6 KEEP YOUR LOVEY-DOVEY ANTICS WITHIN YOUR BEDROOM WALLS, PLEASE. PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF ANNOYANCE: THE DO’S AND DON’TS PAGE 4 WE CHAT WITH JEREMY SALKEN OF THE FUNKY HIP-HOP AND JAZZ DUO. THE BLACK SHEEP INTERVIEWS: BIG GIGANTIC PAGES 10-11 THE COLLEGE NEWSPAPER THAT'S ACTUALLY ABOUT COLLEGE FREE... LIKE THE FRIES AT THE BOTTOM OF YOUR FRIEND’S BAG.
Transcript
A SIMPLE NOTE ON CLEMSON PARKING SERVICES
HASHTAGSRAT WROTE THIS
Dear Fellow Tigers,
At some point in every leader’s life, she must choose whether she will be popular or respected. It’s all fine and good to be cool and fun and popular, but every effec-tive individual must eventually make the hard choice to follow the rules, regardless of whether people will dislike them for it. Clemson Parking Services, also known as CPS or The Devil’s Servants, are to be ap-plauded for making those hard choices, for choosing social order over social success.
CPS is a perfect example of the social contract. In a functioning, non-anarchical society, citizens agree to render their ani-malistic free will to law in order to obtain protection and services from their society. In other words, people stop doing what-ever ratchet shit that they want to do in order to have the advantages of belonging to a group. So can you blame that god-forsaken CPS dude for tooling around the Horseshoe in his little SmartCar and wind-breaker, just trying to maintain social order for you selfish twats? It’s not his fault that you decided to hog a 30-minute spot.
Furthermore, if you’ve ever noticed the absolute joy that the parking guy derives from handing out tickets, it’s downright cruel of you to attempt to deny him such happiness. As Cher Horowitz so wisely stated, “It’s like that book I read in the 9th grade that said ‘tis a far, far better thing
doing stuff for other people’.” It’s the high-est human pursuit to act in a way that will bring joy to others; isn’t it worth it to give both that hard-working gentleman and our university -- which works so hard to not squeeze us for cash at any chance they get-- $30 and a little derivative happiness for staying in a 30 minute spot for 35 minutes on a Sunday? It doesn’t seem like that big of a price for blatantly breaking a clearly stated rule, or for making someone’s day.
Frankly, one should leave his car out any chance he gets in order to fill that beautiful CPS bastard’s time and wallet. The recent-ly-ticketed should shake the officer’s hand and thank him for his service to our univer-sity as he firmly, but lovingly places that or-ange ticket on his windshield. Considering all the parking enforcement responsibility that he’s charged with -- of the strenuous task of indiscriminately shilling tickets and citations, of all the strain he puts on himself to maintain parking order -- one must fight the urge to tenderly embrace the CPS of-ficer, thanking him for his dutiful service.
Think about all of the heinous parking cita-tions that the Clemson student body com-mits daily, horribly inconveniencing all of the five people who both live on campus and use their car during the school day. In the time that CPS employees mitigate such disorder, one can’t help but get a little emotional. The man doling out the tickets is a modern hero—akin to our boys in blue,
our firefighters, our elementary school teachers, our thankless civil servants.
Next time you consider misusing Clemson Parking Services for whatever undoubt-
edly selfish reason you have, stop to con-sider all of the hard work that CPS does for us, despite the fact that it has brought all of their workers massive unpopularity. He’s just doing his job, you rule-breaking
asshats.
Yours in complete and total insincerity,Hashtagsrat
The Black SheepVol. 4, Issue 4 2/20/14 - 3/5/14
• KEEP UP WITH US! • @BLACKSHEEP_CLEM • THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM •
CAN’T AFFORD TO GO ALL OUT FOR SB2K14? HERE ARE SOME SUGGESTIONS.
TOP 10: SPRING BREAK ALTERNATIVES
PAGE 6
KEEP YOUR LOVEY-DOVEY ANTICS WITHIN YOUR BEDROOM WALLS, PLEASE.
PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF ANNOYANCE: THE DO’S AND DON’TS
PAGE 4
WE CHAT WITH JEREMY SALKEN OF THE FUNKY HIP-HOP AND JAZZ DUO.
THE BLACK SHEEP INTERVIEWS: BIG GIGANTIC
PAGES 10-11
THE COLLEGE NEWSPAPER THAT'S ACTUALLY ABOUT COLLEGE
DO YOU KNOW THE NAME OF THIS FAMOUS MEME? TWEET US @BLACKSHEEP_CLEM - FIRST RIGHT ANSWER WINS A PRIZE!
CAN YOU IDENTIFY THE MYSTERIOUS MAN WITH THE SWEET ‘STACHE?
TWEET US @BLACKSHEEP_CLEMFIRST RIGHT ANSWER WINS A PRIZE!
FIRST RIGHT ANSWER WINS A PRIZE!
@BLACKSHEEP_CLEM#GOODTIMES #THEBLACKSHEEP
WORD, MANILLUSIONAL
To be perceived oneself as sick as a means of justifiably avoiding class.
“Don’t be illusional Bethany,” Maria said, “you only had a coughing fit because it
was your turn to hit the bowl.”
READ MORE ONLINE THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM
Your Fast, Fresh & Original Neighborhood Deli
Helping hangovers since 1941Go tigers!
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With the infamous Hallmark Holiday now long gone, we can say goodbye to the obnoxiously inescapable PDA it brings, at least until next February. Unfortunately, not all lovebirds possess the willpower to limit their public displays of affection to the one day of the year where it’s socially acceptable. There’s a fine line between the do’s and don’ts of PDA that even the most intimately involved lovers should be abiding by, no matter how hard it is for them to keep it in their pants.
Tongue Wrestling: Shoving your tongue down your sig-nificant other’s throat does not fall within the category of tasteful PDA. The last thing anyone needs to see after emerging from the 1st floor dungeon at 3a.m. is you and your “bae” spending your study break eating each other’s faces on Library Bridge. PDA with mouth-to-mouth inti-macy should follow the 3-second rule, detailing that hello/goodbye kisses are acceptable and full-blown make-out sessions are clear violations.
Hand Holding: We understand that hand holding is a generally accepted public practice, and passing time walk-ing between classes is one of those cases. Unacceptable cases come into play when couples deem it necessary to finger love each other during lecture. Whether your lec-ture is something small like an Edwards Hall classroom or hundreds of students crammed into Brackett 100, others will notice and they will hate you for it. There’s no need to limit your hand from note-taking during class, because we promise his hand isn’t magically going to disappear in the 50-minute time frame.
Slow Dancing: Most “cute” things you see happen in ro-mantic movies would never be remotely acceptable in real life, let alone on Clemson’s campus. Slow dancing (with or without background music), in the middle of campus for all to see isn’t a cute gesture, but rather something you should be embarrassed by. As far fetched as it may seem that such a monstrosity even happens, we regret to
inform you that it has been witnessed in the moonlight by the Reflection Pond on more than a few occasions. Atten-tion, whipped boyfriends of TigerTown: booking a surprise dance lesson for her will be just as romantic and sponta-neous, and the fact that you went out of your way and budgeted to do so will definitely get you laid in the end. Love Rubbing: Whether it be from an external stimuli or it’s just that kind of day, when hormone imbalances arise it can be fairly difficult to keep it in your pants. No matter how turned on you may be, it’s never acceptable to full on dry hump, or “love rub” your significant other in public. This isn’t as much of a public display of affection, as it is a public display of disturbance. Try limiting yourself to subtle touching like arm rubbing. As if keeping down the already questionably edible sushi from Fernow wasn’t hard enough, seeing a girl grab onto her man’s junk at the next table over definitely doesn’t aid digestion.
Dirty Talking: It’s all fun and dirty talking games until the stranger next to you can hear about your irresistible desire to stick your you-know-what in her you-know-where. Your audible dirty talking will bring embarrassment to the both of you, as well as incredible discomfort to the poor victim just trying to study anatomy from the textbook as opposed to in the flesh. In a society where sexting has become a common practice in many relationships, it’s in everyone’s best interest to type and send your dirty talk while in pub-lic, rather than to share it aloud. No matter how low the whisper, there’s a greater guarantee those dirty thoughts remain private when shared via iPhone.
Before you engage in any PDA just ask yourself: would your parents be proud to see you practically pre-sex fore-playing in public? If you have to stop and question the appropriateness of PDA to engage in, it’s probably inap-propriate. So please, for the sake of the classiness that continues to shake the Southland, keep it in your pants, or just go get a room.
Treasures on First - SenecaRabbit Box Feed Store - Central
Riddle Farm Supply - Easley
Tickets available for advance purchase until Thurdsay, March 6 at noon. Box office opens at T. Ed Garrison at noon
on Fri, March 7 and Sat, March 8
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ENTERTAiNMENT!
06
CURRENT EVENTS
DAN COLLINS WROTE THIS
Gandhi, Mother The-resa, and Colonel Sanders: The list of modern day saints who have dramati-cally changed this world for the better is quite exclusive. How-ever, another may be joining their ranks. Tracy Zeigler, a Clem-son sophomore, has been spending nearly every free minute she has serving the com-munity. After starting work with Helping Hands of Clemson, an area foster home, Zeigler has reportedly become obsessed with helping others in need. “Once I saw the effect I was having on people, I just got the itch to come back,” she said. “But not like that itch I got last semester from getting crabs. That was horrible.”
When asked what made her attack community service so vivaciously, Zeigler responded, “Well, I was watching this documentary on Mother Theresa and all the great things she did to help people… and it reminded me that I had sixty hours of community service to do in a month or my record would have two drunk and disorderly conducts permanently on it.” From then on, Zeigler committed her life to the helping others, whether they needed it or not. “She was so thorough,” said Helping Hands Director Trudy Hands. “Tracy would be out there sweeping for hours and hours, often over the same spot over and over again. But she would keep sweeping until she knew that spot was clean.”
Even though she originally only started doing service as mandated by the court, Zeigler says the experience has changed her for the better. “I just never realized how many people there were, even in the Clemson area, that need help,” said Zeigler. “In fact, I’ve even been trying to get some of my friends to come help out.” Unfortunately, some of her friends are not as saintly as Zeigler. “I know she’s only there to finish her court mandated service,” said liar and service dodger Amy Lee. “She needs to get off her high horse and stop preaching like some sort of saint because she’s forced to sweep the floor at that bastard kid depot.”
Fortunately, not everyone on campus is an Amy Lee. “I think it’s great what she’s doing,” said Comm. 150 teacher Jason Glover. “I’ve even been giving her extra credit points for her service. If there were more Tracy Zeiglers out there, the world would be a better place.”
President Clements has also taken notice to Zeigler’s great works. “When I saw the amount of work she was putting into serving her community, I knew something had to be done for her,” said Clements. “So, as one of my first major acts as president, I have decided to give Tracy an award that I am calling the Tracy Zeigler Award for Excellence in the Service of the Community, to be given each year to the student who shows the most dedication to community service.
When asked if Zeigler being given the award changed her attitudes at all, former friend Amy Lee responded, “an award? For court-ordered community service? Its just going to go to the person who gets arrested the most each year. Am I the only person who understands that? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.” Zeigler recently finished her mandated 60 hours of service and has not been seen at Helping Hands since. Trudy Hands, however, is not worried by her recent absence. “I’m sure she just needs to focus on schoolwork for a while, but she said she’d ‘totally be back’ the last time I saw her, so of course she will be.”
Unfortunately, the entire Clemson community’s worst fears were realized at the award cer-emony when Zeilger arrived drunk. While this seems to justify Lee’s claims that Zeigler was only altruistic for legal reasons, many have theorized that Lee sabotaged Zeigler in a fit of jealousy meant to tarnish Zeigler’s reputation. Zeigler, as a result of her drunken stupor, was unable to comment.
HERO STUDENT SERVES CLEMSON COMMUNITY
Considering the new vacancies appearing on the downtown strip – R.I.P Jugheads – and the numerous store-fronts that should tape up that out of business sign for the sake of us all – looking at you, 49 Clemson spirit stores – The Black Sheep finds ourselves pondering the future of our beloved miniature metropolis. Now we’ve transformed those thoughts into reality. We give to you the top ten destinations we’d like to see in downtown Clemson:
10.) A Mexican restaurant: It’s downright cruel to force us students off campus for cheap frozen death tequila concoctions, because let’s face it, your average pledge driver doesn’t make stops at Monterrey.
9.) An ironically named bar: You’ve heard of them at other schools, and you’re incredibly jealous. Wheth-er it’s “The Library,” “The Board Room,” or some other academic misnomer, this bar would capture the hearts of the student body while also capturing location tags on every girl’s Instagram.
8.) Some more darn housing: Finding off-campus housing is a giant battle that you’re always losing. With some more housing right smack dab in the middle of that oh-so-ideal location downtown, that giant battle becomes a little less giant.
7.) A dress shop: Formals are a time-honored tradition, and the ever-frustrating dress hunt has become a new tradition of its own. Considering those silly boys seem to always ask just a few days before the event, the ladies of Clemson need a quick and easy stop for their wardrobe needs, because Entourage just doesn’t always cut it.
6.) A strip club: While the majority of the community would be wholeheartedly against such a sinful establishment, the minority of drunk frat boys and resident creeps would be more than generous enough to keep this business alive. And don’t worry it could still uphold the unique culture of Clemson; we recom-mend a theme like “Your Farmer’s Daughters” or “The Girls that Shake the Southland.”
5.) An Apple Store: The moment you drop that iPhone on the cold brick sidewalk, you curse our cow college as you mentally plan yet another trip to Greenville. An Apple store could fix all your problems, no matter how cracked and water-damaged they may be.
4.) A liquor store: Forget the pain of piling 10 people in one car for the weekly alcohol run; with an ABC downtown, you can walk to buy that poison that will have you unable to walk later. Plus, you can put that would-be gas money toward some top shelf good stuff. Everyone likes the top shelf good stuff.
3.) A by-the-hour hotel: Because nobody enjoys watching two drunk co-eds go at it in the corner of the bar. Newsflash: the corner of the bar does not make you invisible and hands do not go there in public. With a by-the-hour, that couple can escape the shaming eyes of onlookers for just long enough, only to stumble back in time for a few more rounds.
2.) A costume shop: Whether it’s a thrift shop or a Party City, students need a more accessible mixer closet. Everyone wants the best costume of the evening and, more importantly, the best pictures for post-ing the next morning, and with every good costume comes a costumer.
1.) A trusty underage bar: The upperclassmen hate the no good underage drinkers at their bars, and the no good underage drinkers hate the anxiety attack that comes with handing that $50 fake I.D. to an unnecessarily large bouncer. To appease both sides, we suggest an official non-official underage bar. Or, in other words, we’d like to see Crocs reopen.
THETOP
TENCOURTNEY PAUL WROTE THIS
DREAM DESTINATIONS IN DOWNTOWN CLEMSON
READ MORE ONLINE THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM
Roommates Still Won’t Tell Friend How He Pooped His Pants Three Years Ago
“A daytime keg race seemed like a good idea,” graduating senior Tyler Warshaw whispered through a thousand-yard stare, “it was a warm spring day, birds woke me up that morning. Isn’t it funny how you remember the small things?”
“What you left in those drawers of yours was no small thing,” friend, former roommate, and tormentor Bryce Montaw heckles, elbowing Warshaw in his ribs.
It’s been almost three years since Warshaw arrived home at his apartment reeking of raw sewage fermented in beer farts. To this day, neither of his roommates accompanying
Tyler to the party will tell him about the incident.
“It was super-gross,” Bryce notes, “[roommate] Dan and I made him sleep in the shower. We set our alarm clocks so we could get up in the middle of the night to turn the shower on just to mess with him. Drunk idiot.”
“Listen, I’m just looking for answers,” Tyler pleads with Bryce, “like, did I poop my pants at the party and then leave, or was it on my way home or what? It’s killing me, man.”
“I dunno,” Montaw wryly responds.
“I KNOW YOU KNOW!” Tyler cries out through tears.
“You guys are such assholes,” Tyler moans, “I had to stop hanging out with that whole group because I don’t know if they know I pooped my pants. I was pretty close with those guys! I went on spring break with them that year!”
Montaw cracks a smile, “Speaking of assholes, remember that time your asshole had a bunch of poop come out of it and then it went into your pants like you’re a fuckin’ 4-year-old or something?”
Brendan wrote this
FEMINIST LEARNS TO TAKE A JOKEAfter several painstaking weeks of passive-aggressive and backhanded comments between the men and women of the Intro to Gender and Women’s Studies lecture, the tension finally broke when a feminist laughed at a sexist joke. At approximately 2:34 p.m., avid women’s activist and feminazi Jackie Goldman was sent into a giggle fit after pledge bitch Rob Ignolia muttered a simple chauvinistic comment.
“She was going on about how fraternities are ‘incubators of the perpetuating gender roles’ and that our university promoted misogyny through a strong, male-centric Greek life,” commented Ignolia, “She was pissing me off so all I said was, ‘Who let her out of the kitchen?’”
Sources report that Goldman stared at Ignolia for a few moments before she burst into tears from laugher. In a mixture of shock from the men and disgust from the women, the entire class could only watch as her laughs shook the very foundation of feminism.
According to the Feminist Manifesto, acknowledgement of a kitchen joke by a woman r e g r e s s e s t h e w o m e n’s movement by at least fifty years. Dire consequences such as these provide a comprehensive explanation as to why many feminists have a perpetual stick up their ass.
When asked to comment on her episode, Goldman stated, “After years of ignoring bigoted comments and enduring anti-feminism jokes, I couldn’t take it anymore. All I’ve ever wanted was
to be treated as an equal. I guess that means learning to laugh with the boys.”
After the incident, GWS professor Dr. Sarah Alback immediately dismissed the class and promptly failed Goldman for breaking the GWS Code of Conduct. Unfazed by the ordeal, Goldman reportedly returned to her dorm room to replace her shrine of Hillary Clinton with Twilight books and a vinyl copy of the single “Blurred Lines.”
Staff wrote this
The Grid Friends Cafe
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Open for Lunch! Mon- Sat: 11:30am - 11pm
Happy Hour Monday - Friday: $9 Liquor Pitchers after Happy Hour every night
MONDAYS: $3 Long Islands
Special: Bucket of Chicken and Fries for $15
Every Night! $0.50 Wings$2 12oz Bud Light and Bud,
$2 16oz Busch Light and PBR, $7.50 Liquor Pitchers
THURSDAY $3.56 Sushi$5 Champagne Bottles
Burger and a Beer Night! $7.50 Backstreets Burgers or $8.50 Specialty Burgers and Your Choice of Selected
Beers, Happy Hour Mon-Fri: $8.75 Liquor Pitchers
$3.50 Fireball,$5 Liquor Pitchers
$2 Well Drinks$0.50 Wings, $2 12oz Bud Light
and Bud,$2 16oz Busch Light and PBR, $7.50 Liquor Pitchers
FRIDAY $6 Liquor Pitchers until 8PM$1.50 Mystery Beers at 10PM
$2.50 Fireball ShotsHappy Hour Monday - Friday:
$4.75 PBR Pitchers, $8.75 Liquor Pitchers
$3 Sex on the Beach,$3 Blue Motorcycles
Live Bands and DJs!$0.50 Wings, $2 12oz Bud Light and Bud,$2 16oz Busch Light
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Burger and a Beer Night! $7.50 Backstreets Burgers or $8.50 Specialty Burgers and Your Choice of Selected
Beers, Happy Hour Mon-Fri: $8.75 Liquor Pitchers
$3.50 Fireball,$5 Liquor Pitchers
$2 Well Drinks$0.50 Wings, $2 12oz Bud Light and Bud,$2 16oz Busch Light
and PBR, $7.50 Liquor Pitchers
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Burger and a Beer Night! $7.50 Backstreets Burgers or $8.50 specialty burgers and
your choice of selected beers
All Day - Double Decker: Pulled Pork and Beef Brisket Sandwich with side for $8.99$1 off Margaritas after 5pm
Buy 6, Get 6 Wings After 4pm Go Tigers!
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$5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers Monday - Friday
That equals 3 drinks for only $5.50!
Ribeye Steak Night! $1 off any Steak Topping
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Plus live entertainment!FRIDAY
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line at midnight!
$10 Bottomless Mimosas from 11am-2pm, Low Country and Crawfish Boil after 5pm, $8 Domestic Pitchers, $10
Imported PitchersBIG Nasty Chicken Biscuit
with side for $8.99
$0.50 Wings All Day! Your Tigers Headquarters! Largest Bloody Mary bar in town! SATURDAY
Open 6:00 pm - 2:00 am Members can buy
beer and wine to go.
Signature Dish Combo: Choose two (shrimp and grits, creole jambalaya,
Brunswick stew) and a salad.
Follow us on Twitter! @TDsFoodAndDrink
Visit the Top of Tiger Town Tavern’s Private Club!
Follow us on Twitter! @CUWings SUNDAY
$8 for a dozen wings, 1/2 off appetizers
$5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers Monday - Friday
That equals 3 drinks for only $5.50!
Oyster Bash & Shrimp Jam:Oysters: $0.75 Raw & Steamed, $1 Grilled and Buffalo, $1.50 Dragos or Rednecks, Shrimp: $0.75 Steamed, Blackened, Grilled, Buffalo, or BBQ,
$1 Bud Light Drafts
All You Can Eat Wings! Stiffest drinks in town!Where the Big Tigers Play...
$6 Weekly Special 104.9 will be in the house
for a Radio Show! MONDAY
$5.75 Large Pizzas, $5 Bud Light Pitchers and $5.50
Mini Liquor Pitchers all night
Low Country and Crawfish Boil
$3 VodkasKaraoke With Fred Rock Bingo at 10pm!
Twosday! Two burger baskets & a pitcher of beer for $12!
TUESDAY
Yeungs and Wings! $5 Yeungling Pitchers, $6.75 for a Dozen Wings and $5.50
Mini Liquor Pitchers
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with Pulled Pork, Baked Beans, and Onion Straws with a side for $8.99
$3 Bourbons after 5pm
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Burger and a Beer Night! $7.50 Backstreets Burgers or $8.50 specialty burgers and
your choice of selected beers
All Day - Double Decker: Pulled Pork and Beef Brisket Sandwich with side for $8.99$1 off Margaritas after 5pm
Buy 6, Get 6 Wings After 4pm
Stiffest drinks in town!Where the Big Tigers Play...
$6 Draft Beer and House Liquor Pitchers during Happy Hour Plus live entertainment!
THURS.
The Black Sheep Interviews
By: Barney Thompson
The Black Sheep: Early on when you guys were still trying to get your name out there, were promoters ap-prehensive to book a hip-hop/jazz live electronic act?
Jeremy Salken: It was definitely a chal-lenge in the beginning. Both of us had been in groups before so we had a lot of experience looking for promoters, digging through JamBase, looking for venues, and trying to find contacts. We were super lucky that early on we kind of both said to each other that we want to do this right. We didn’t want to pick just any show, we wanted to make sure we’re making the most of any gig we do and that we’re getting in front of the audience that we needed.
Kind of along with that, we were lucky to team up with Sound Tribe in the be-ginning of our career and that got us in front of a crowd that had similar music taste, so we weren’t just in front of ran-dom people staring at us like, “What the hell are you doing?”
TBS: How has the demographic of your crowds changed since Big Gi-gantic started touring?
JS: Oh man, it’s interesting; it actu-ally got a lot younger. In the begin-ning the focus was on a lot of over-21 shows. All our shows went from twelve to two or one to three in the morn-ing, we’d play these super late shows. That was the thing, especially open-ing for Sound Tribe and then doing late nights for them, we’d be playing to these older kids. Then we noticed as EDM got a lot more popular that the age dropped and all the sudden there were freshmen and sophomores in col-lege coming out, then there were high schoolers. As it got younger we started playing earlier to accommodate doing 18+ shows.
So, there were things like that, that were sort of techniques we were us-ing to get everyone we could involved, because ultimately we just want to play for everybody that we possibly can. There’s no reason to cut anybody out. It’s been cool to see the younger fanbase come into the genre, ‘cause they’re all really positive. Our shows are some of the first concerts they’ve ever been to, and I think you get a different
bond with the band because of that. It’s nothing but love and you guys just wanna have a good time.
TBS: Totally. How have you guys evolved your writing process and kept your sound fresh over the years?
JS: Dom handles the writing, and while it’s evolved a little bit, it’s always pretty much been the same. He’s really into checking out as many different styles of music as possible, and that’s what we both did on our instruments grow-ing up. We would want to learn a style, or if you were in a group you’d try to play that and mimic it. He’s taken that concept into producing and he’ll hear a tone that Skrillex or Bassnectar or Dylan does, you know anybody really. He’ll be like, “Okay cool. I want to see if I can take that and put my own spin on it and make it my own.”
The way he writes, because he’s so knowledgeable with music since he went to school for that is probably a little different than most producers. He has a really heavy knowledge of chords, structure, modes and all those things that evoke different emotions which really helps him write more in-tricate, emotional songs. Not that one approach is better than the other; we’re just trying to do something new with it.
TBS: That’s really the whole point of it, right? Creating something unique to you.
JS: Yeah, exactly. The songs evolve and that’s got us psyched about the new album. It’s another evolution of Big G.
TBS: Talking about the next evolu-tion, for your new album The Night is Young did you guys go in with a theme or concept behind it?
JS: Not really. It started pretty organi-cally with Dom trying to make these tracks about what he’s feeling at that time, trying to stay true to the Big G sound but also push it forward at the same time. I mean, we’ve been work-ing on it for the last year and a half. He’s really been working on these tracks, we’ve been playing them live for a little bit and tweaking them based on crowd reactions. We’re constantly in the pro-
cess of evolving the tune and finally we reached a spot where we’re like, “this is good, let’s put it out.”
TBS: Big Gigantic’s been around for a while now, it’s essentially a staple in the live electronic scene. How did it feel when you realized that this was something you were going to be able to do as a career?
JS: It’s still crazy to me that we’re able to do what we do. When we first went into it, we had both been in bands before and had done pretty much every kind of gig you could do from weddings to jazz clubs, I’ve even played a gig at Target before. When I was doing that I’d make $50 here and there, if I made $100 I was psyched. My reality then was that if I wanted to play music I was go-ing to have to find a job to supplement my income.
We were really fortunate that with Big G after about a two year span we real-ized that this is not only a full time job but a realistic way to support ourselves. Obviously, you have to keep touring to do that.
TBS: That’s something I’ve noticed. You guys do some serious touring. On your current tour you’ve got maybe four days off throughout the whole thing.
JS: Yeah, it’s kind of crazy. We’re liter-ally doing like 20-something shows in 25 days, but it’s gonna be really fun. We’re hitting some really good mar-kets, everybody’s psyched and the dates are selling really well. We’re only going for about three and a half weeks so we wanted to make it as action packed as we could and little digs just kept popping up, we have a run of like nine shows back to back. It’s gonna be a good one for sure.
TBS: How planned out are your sets since you have the live instruments, sax and drums, to work with?
JS: There’s sort of a general outline of that Dom has in his Ableton set, but the way he has Ableton set up he can bounce around between pretty much all of our tracks. So, there isn’t really setlist that a band might have, but
there’s an outline that he can adjust depending on what the crowd is into.
TBS: On the album’s title track, you guys collaborated with Cherub. How’d that come about?
JS: Well those guys have been homies for a while and Dom has worked on tracks of theirs before and we’ve always talked about doing a track with them. This new album just seemed like a per-fect time to do something, so we hit those guys up and were really lucky to get them on. I think that track is some-thing people are gonna love. It’s some-thing a little different, we never really do stuff with vocals.
TBS: Any news acts coming up that you’re really excited about?
JS: Man, there’s so much stuff out there. Cashmere Cat is super dope. Really into Flume, he’s great and definitely push-ing boundaries. The guys opening up for us on the tour, Manic Focus and Gladiator, they’re doing some really cool shit. There’s just a lot of good mu-sic out there right now.
12
Are You SMARTER THAN?
AMBER of LOOSE CHANGE Amber’s Score: 8 out of 10
Correct AnswersAmber’s Answers1) Andrew Johnson 2) Novel 3) Istanbul, Turkey
1) US Presidents: Who succeeded Abraham Lincoln after he was assassinated in 1865?
2) Words: What is the proper name for a short story which illustrates a lesson or principle?
3) World Cities: What world capital—the third largest city in the world—straddles the Bospo-rus Strait between Europe and Asia?
4) The Internet: What popular website re-cently celebrated its 10th?
5) Celebrity: George Zimmerman recently made news again when agreeing to a celebrity boxing match with whom?
6) Sexual Reproduction: What are the internal body parts by which a female’s eggs travel from her ovaries to her uterus.
7) Physics: The change in frequency of a wave relative to an observer is known by what phenomenon?
8) Cartoons: Ash Ketchum is the main pro-tagonist in what TV show?
9) Sports: Sochi, Russia councilmen passed a resolution to shoot what prior to the begin-ning of the Winter Olympics?
10) Cooking: A stock, often seen in soups, is made by simmering an animal’s what?
DRINKING GAME
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Bar Hop Hide-n-SeekYeah, drinking in a bar can be fun, but doesn’t it get a little boring after a while? That’s why you need to bar hop across campus. And not only that, but bar hop in style as well. Here’s a game that will keep you interested… and drunk!
What You’ll Need: A group of friends, $10-15 per person and enough energy to bar hop for a few hours.Number of Players: Preferably at least seven people – one person to hide and six others to split into groups of two or three.Level of Intoxication: Depends on how good of a guesser you are!
How to Play:- Meet your friends at your favorite bar on campus. Find a place to sit and order a drink.- Have everyone take out $10-15 and throw it in the middle of the table.- Chug your drinks. First one to finish grabs the money in the pot and heads out to a different bar.- The losers must stay behind and order at least one more drink.- The person with the money hides at another bar on campus, drinking with the money given to him or her. Don’t be a dick, though. Don’t buy rounds for the whole bar.- After waiting 20 minutes and finishing their drinks, the losers must split up into two teams to go out to find the hidden friend.- Every time a team enters a bar to find the person with the pot money, they must order at least one drink while searching there.-The teams continue to search for the missing friend, going from bar to bar on campus.- The person with the pot money is not allowed to leave their bar once they have gone inside.
The Game Ends When: A team finds the hidden friend and continues to drink away the re-maining money in the pot with him or her.
THIS IS (YO MOMMA) JEOPARDY!Welcome to Jeopardy!, I’m your host, Alex Trebek. Today’s game features a special theme: Yo momma jokes. Can you identify the four categories
of yo momma jokes portrayed here? Email us at [email protected] with the four correct categories and you’ll win a prize!
15
ON THE STREETS
WHAT’S THE WORST THING YOU’VE EVER BEEN
WOKEN UP BY?
“My barking dog.”
Hudson
Jimmy
“The girl next to me snoring.”
Brandon
“Water thrown in my face.”
the madlib: scrolling through twitter
1) Friend2) Type of beer3) Old-school game4) Young female celebrity5) Liquor6) Gangster rapper7) Slang for intoxicated8) Major city
9) Derogatory term for women10) Career11) World leader12) Hard major13) Main library name14) Cigarette brand15) Friend from #1
16) Annoying acquain-tance17) Year you graduated from high school18) Fruity drink19) Popular liquor20) Dessert
Whoops, here we go again. I was sitting on the bus, on my way to ___1___’s apartment, trying to drink some ___2___ and maybe play some ___3___, you know, really chill out for a bit. But then I got on Twitter and I became stressed.
___4___ tweeted a picture of herself licking a bottle of ___5___ with her legs wrapped around ___6___ with the caption, “YOLO, gettin’ mad ___7___and getting turnt up in ___8___!” I was like, okay that ___9___ but low-key I was jealous. Should I be doing the same?
Then I saw The Onion tweeted a headline, “19-year-old Says Her Future as a ___10___ Will Go Well, ___11___ Laughs.” But that’s what I’m studying!!! What, should I change my major to ___12___ and never drink and stay in ___13___ all day and night and just chain smoke ___14___??? UGH.
So then I tweeted, “Heading to ___15___’s to zen out. Namaste.”
Almost instantly ___16___ favorited my tweet and I instantly felt self-con-scious. Namaste? What the fuck! I’ve only done yoga once and it was during spring break ___17___ and I ended up leaving half way through because I was___18___-hungover and puking.
By the time I got off the bus, all I wanted to do was rip shots of ___19___. And wouldn’t you know it, I walked into my friend’s living room and saw her drink-ing from a fifth.
“I was just sitting on Facebook and started feeling really bad about myself,” she said, looking at me with already glossed-over eyes. “And I have ___20___ in the oven.” I walked over to her, took a swig, gave her a hug, and realized everything was alright.
Now Available at Hart’s Cove: Free Shuttle to Campus
