Cohabit English

8/6/2019 Cohabit English

1/28

A Pastoral Response to Cohabitation

Presented by Monica Ashour, MTS; M Hum

Executive Director and National Speaker

The Theology of the Body Evangelization Team, Inc.(TOBET) www.tobet.org [email protected]

CohabitationWhy Not?

How to Speak the Truth in a Loving Manner.

Catechetical Workshop January 29, 2011


2/28

The Plague of Cohabitation

The following statistics can be found from a

pamphlet from Ascension Press called Living

Together before Marriage by Katrina Zeno.

In 1960 there were 430,000

cohabiting couples. Today

there are more than 5.4

million. -US Census Report


3/28


Cohabiting couples report lower

levels of happiness and sexual

satisfaction, while at the sametime reporting higher levels of

sexual infidelity than married

couples. Emotional and Physical Satisfaction.

(Waite and Joyner; Brown and Booth; 1996)


4/28


62% of cohabiting couples

break up within ten years,

compared to 33% of first

marriages. Center for Disease Control and Prevention


5/28


Couples who do marry after living

together are 50% MORE likely to

divorce than those who did not. Living Together: Myths, Risks, and Answers by

Mike and Harriet McManus (Howard Books, 2008)


6/28

Points to Cover in this Talk

1. The Beauty of Marriage

2. Marriage vs. Cohabitation

3. Pastoral Responses to CohabitationBased onfirst two points in this talk.


7/28

Who God is in His Very Being


8/28

The Theology of the Body

in a Nutshell


9/28

The Diagram of the 4-Fold Communion

before The FallMan with God Man with Self Man with Other Man with Creation

God H

& Life Respect/Life

W

Virginal Communion

With each of these communions, there was relationality. But cohabitation violates all four:Ones relationship with God is broken; one need not work on virtue and sacrifice,especially in the area of sexuality; the other is not respected and loved but used;openness to life is usually not present and it is a violation of nature regarding the wayhumans are made for security.


10/28

MarriageTo Participate in Gods

Love for Us


11/28

Marriage vs. Cohabitation

Reveals Gods Inner Life

of love.

Reveals one trusts in

Gods plan. Is designed for individual

growth and sacrifice.

Its culmination is an act

of truth and worship.

For the common good

the other, self, Church,

society.

Reveals love being

conditional.

Reveals a lack of trust,

in God and each other. Breeds insecurity;

unintended selfishness.

Sex is a lie and

desecrates the act.

For only the individual

(not even for the other).


12/28

The Deepest Fear for a Woman

Am I

and

?


13/28

The Deepest Fear of a Man

Am I

and

?


14/28

Diagram of Fragmented Relationships

Taken from Dr. Bob SchuchtsTOB Healing Ministries

Passivity/Withdraw

MAN WOMAN

Am I capable? Am I desirable?

Hopeless/Isolated


15/28

Cohabitation:

Feeds Fuel to the Fire of Fears

Deep Down, she knows:

I am not worth it; otherwise, he would haveproposed. Undesirable.

I have to help him see that I am worth it.

ControllingI will act as his wife so he will want to marry me.

I will bring in money so he can see how independent Iam.

I will set aside my feelings so that he wont feelpressured; that will make me more desirable.Hopeless


16/28

Cohabitation:

Feeds Fuel to the Fire of Fear

Deep down, he knows:

I am a coward; I cant commit. Incapable

I will prove my manhood by my conquest ofher, my demands placed on her. Dominating

I will let her do what she wants with the

apartment; I will do my duties to keep herquiet. Passivity


17/28

The Diagram of License vs. Freedom

License (Doing Whatever) Freedom freedom to indulge compulsions freedom from compulsion

to indulge freedom to sin freedomfrom sin

do whatfeels good do what is good

sees law as the tyrant seessin as the tyrant

law feels imposed law is written on the heart

breaks the law fulfills the law

any choice is a good choice choice between good and evil

negates love affords love

*From "Fill These Hearts" by Christopher West, MTS


18/28

The Diagram of Lust vs. Love

LUST LOVE

directed toward self-gratification directed toward self-donation

sees the body as something respects the body as someone

sacrifices others for oneself sacrifices oneself for others

grasps at fleeting pleasure yearns for eternal joy

enslaves us liberates us

manipulates and controls respects people's freedom

aimed at any pleasing outlet reserved for one and only

aimed at repeatable "qualities aimed at the unrepeatable person

*From "Fill These Hearts" by Christopher West MTS


19/28

The Way to Live a Moral Life:

Through The Heart of the World


20/28


21/28

Pastoral Responses

See my HandoutElaborations/Other ?s

TodayMy focus

Asking to be received in the Church/OppositeLiving

The Language of the Body/Opposite Living

Giving Person him/herself/Opposite Living

Long for Love, not use/Opposite Living

Strong Relationship-Family/Opposite Living

because recourse to contraception


22/28

Pastora Response:

Wanting to Become Catholic but

Living Opposite of Teachings

Ask questions/make loving challenges:

I am so glad you are in RCIA. Tell me why you want to

become Catholic.

That is great. Now I wonder what you think marriage is

about.

So, you want to be Catholic and you see that marriage isa reflection of Christs love for the Church

irrevocable.yet, by living together, it seems that you

are saying the opposite. Do you see that? What would it

take to move out?


23/28

Pastoral Response: Opposite of

Language of the Body Gosh, when I learned about the Theology of theBody and that marital intercourse was a way of

worshipping God and renewing my marriage vows, it

changed the way I lived. The body speaks alanguage, Pope John Paul saysand with

intercourse, it says, I am yours and you are mine

forever. And it renews the vows said on the altar. In

fact, until a married couple engages in sexual love ontheir honeymoon night, the Church says they are not

yet totally married. Most people havent heard about

such an amazing understanding of marital love

have you? What do you think?


24/28

Pastoral Response:

You Become Less of Who You Are Marriage becomes the context for growth

through security and sacrifice.

With cohabitation, there is a way out. This breeds

insecurity, the opposite of what marriage does.

With cohabitation, if the going gets tough, the

tough dont get goinghe/she leaves. Sacrifice for

the other and for the marriage and kids makesdemands, but the person doesnt have to stay

faithful; the eject button is always available.

(Draw Diagram of Fragmented Relationships)


25/28

Pastoral Response:

We All Want Love not Use The opposite of love, according to Pope John

Paul, is not hatred but use. Cohabitation is

two people mutually using each other, usually

guys for physical pleasure and women for

emotional pleasure. But the problem isboth

are fleeting in cohabitation. So, what we really

want is not available.


26/28

Pastoral Response:

The Lies of Contraception The bedfellow of cohabitation is

contraception; that is, cohabitation would not

be an option without contraception. So, here

are some thoughts you might give about

contraception.

Act out the baggie routine.

When do you take a pillwomens fertility is adisease.

Personal storiesbefore and after contracepting.

NFPAllows for love. SPICE.


27/28

The Stages of Love (cont)

A total surrender to the other to form a communion of persons.

HUSBAND POPE JOHN PAULs Words WIFE

Last Stage: BETROTHED LOVEI give you my whole self. *This love is beyond friendship, for it surrenders ones I.* I give you my whole self.

I commit to you for life. *Betrothed love is never a fortuitous event. It is chosen.* I commit to you for life.

I give to you in all things. *The gift of self relegated to sex only makes it utilitarian.* I give to you in all things.

This is my body, given. *Marital love becomes in a sense a liturgical act of worship.* This is my body, given.


28/28

Marriage is Holy!!

Date post:	07-Apr-2018
Category:	Documents
Upload:	madeline-balconi-lamica
View:	217 times
Download:	0 times

Cohabit English

Documents