SMP So Much Potential

Communication Clues & Cues

The meaning of communication is the response you get!

SMP So Much PotentialSu Pilkington

http://somuchpotential.com.au

SMP So Much Potential

Definition of NLPNeuro: The nervous system (the mind), through which our experience is processed via five senses:VisualAuditoryKinestheticOlfactoryGustatory

Linguistic: Language and other nonverbal communication systems through which our neural representations are coded, ordered and given meaning. Includes:PicturesSoundsFeelingsTastesSmellsWords (Self Talk)

Programming:The ability to discover and utilise the programmes that we run (our communication to ourselves and others) in our neurological systems to achieve our specific and desired outcomes.

In other words, NLP is how to use the language of the mind to consistently achieve our specific and desired outcomes.

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How to Listen Effectively

We all know people who are good talkers, but we'd rather spend time with good listeners. A fascinating conversationalist is a person who listens intently whilst the other is speaking.Good listeners make better first impressions than good talkers.

Forty percent of people who see a doctor do so because they want someone to listen to them, not because they're ill.For the most part, angry customers, dissatisfied employees and upset friends simply want someone to listen to their problems.

To be a great conversationalist, be a great listener.

We can think three times faster than we can listen and that's why most people find it difficult to listen effectively. In business, the first step is to sell yourself and then to sell your idea, product, service or proposition. This stage is known as the 'listening stage'. Your objective is to sell yourself first and then ask relevant questions about your prospects and their needs to uncover their dominant desires or 'Hot Buttons

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The Golden Rules for Listening Use 'active listening'`Active listening' is a remarkable way of encouraging others to keep talking and to be sure you understand what they are saying to you.To use 'active listening' you simply paraphrase what a person says and feed it back to them, starting with the word 'you'.Here's an example:Mark: "My company has 1200 staff, so it's really tough to get ahead."Melissa: "You're feeling really frustrated." (active listening)If you're not sure that you've heard someone accurately, add the words, 'Am I right?' to the end.For example:Melissa: "You want others to be honest with you. Am I right?" Active listening allows others to talk openly because you are not giving opinions or being critical. It also means that you are never wondering what to say next. Use Minimal EncouragersWhen the other person is speaking, encourage them to keep talking by using these Minimal Encouragers:I see... Uh, huh...Really?Tell me more...Minimal Encouragers can triple the length of the other person's statements and the amount of information they give. Keep eye contact with the personMeet their gaze for the same length of time that they meet yours. Mirroring a person's gaze creates rapport. Lean towards the person as you listenWe lean away from people we don't like or who bore us. Lean forward — show you're interested. Don't interrupt the speaker; stick to the pointAvoid the urgency to change subjects. Let them finish what they're saying.

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What’s going on in there?Conscious 4% Unconscious 96 %

Everyone has 2 million bytes of information per second coming through all sensory channels, all inputs, into the neurology of our human nervous system through our 5 senses: seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting and smelling.

Our brain is capable of handling about 134 bytes per second, according to the Hungarian biologist Mihaly Csikszentmihaly in the book “Flow” in 1990.

In order to handle the 134 bytes of information per second, the brain then chunks them into 7 plus or minus 2 chunks of information. So we tend to take that 134 bytes of information and we tend to chunk it or group it into a group of information. The brain is an information processing unit. It processes the information that comes in.

It takes the information and makes it into an internal representation (a picture). And the internal representation (IR) is made up of a picture, sounds, feelings, smells, tastes and words you say to yourself. After the brain DDG’s it gets filtered through the “what’s important to you”, for instance, your values, memories, attitudes, beliefs and strategies.

SMP So Much Potential

The Power of Rapport BuildingThe power of building rapport should be important to you and has obvious benefits for someone in a sales career. Think about how building rapport could help someone move up the corporate ladder if that person has the ability to quickly build rapport with their superiors and business associates for example.A doctor who is building rapport with patients is likely to build a large clientele more quickly, and is likely to retain those people as patients longer than a doctor who doesn’t bother. In nearly any career, rapport building can be applied in some fashion. One who knows how to build rapport can make things happen. What is it?Have you ever met someone and instantly, or at least within the first few minutes, felt a connection with them? Perhaps you quickly discovered that you had something in common with that person, or you felt at ease with them. You may not even know what it was, but something made you trust them. That feeling of ease and establishment of trust is rapport. Many times we cannot explain why we trust someone, especially when it’s someone that we just met. Perhaps they intended it that way, or perhaps it was on accident. Either way, trust was established by building rapport, no matter whether the person knew what they were doing and intended it that way, or not. One way or another, they were able to successfully build rapport with you.We can think of building rapport as a subconscious connection where, for one reason or another, our subconscious tells our conscious that we like, or in some cases, dislike a person within the first few minutes of meeting them, based on what our subconscious senses from their subconscious.

SMP So Much Potential

This initial bond (or lack thereof) is what we tend to call our “impression” of people. If someone gives you a good impression, it is because they have built good rapport with you. If a person gives you a bad impression, it is not because they have built “bad rapport” with you. It is because they didn’t do a good job of building rapport with you. When one fails to build rapport, it is often very difficult to undo, as our first impressions stick with us. A first impression holds a lot of gravity. That is why it is so important to make a good first impression!Why does rapport building work?People tend to conduct business with people that they trust, or at least people that they like (many people assume that when they like someone, trust will come with time). Think about this for a moment. Have you ever bought a car from someone you didn’t like? What about furniture? Have you ever made any large purchase from someone you didn’t like?Let’s turn it around now. Have you ever decided against buying something, because you disliked the person who was selling it? These questions have hopefully helped you to realize the effect of building rapport. Deals, sales, job promotions, and more are made every day thanks to the effects of building rapport. Knowing how to build rapport puts you in control.How can one work on building rapport?Learn how to control the conversation. If the person you’re talking to changes the subject to a topic you’re unfamiliar with, know how to subtly change it to a topic that you are familiar with. Be well versed. Know what’s going on in the world, both globally and locally. This will always give you something to talk about.People love to talk about kids as well. If you don’t have kids, talk about nieces and nephews, or your friends’ kids, or how you hope to have kids soon. Have a response ready for the primary topics that will engage people. Know how to listen actively and how to be engaged.At some point during this process of making small talk, you will find something that you have in common with the person that you’re talking to. This is where the rapport building really begins. We like people who understand us, and we like people who agree with us. Don’t be obvious about it, or this will be very counter-productive. It needs to come naturally. It needs to be something that you actually agree with them on. This builds trust. If you’re faking it, it will be obvious and building trust, and thus building rapport, will be lost.

SMP So Much Potential

Building rapport through body language

Body language is also a very important part of the process of building rapport. We may discuss this in more depth at a later time, but for now, learn to be cognizant of their body language and yours. Pay attention to their gestures and facial expressions, and mirror them, along with their speech patterns.This is simpler than it sounds, yet it is critical to successfully build rapport. Match their tone of voice and the pace at which they are speaking for starters. Mimic posture, head positioning, facial expressions, and hand gestures.Again, don’t be obvious. Subtlety is the key. 

Rapport = Trust = ResponsivenessCommunication: 55% BODY LANGUAGE

38% TONALITY

7% WORDS

Don’t imitate the other person. Simply reflect small instances of their body language and aspects of their speech patterns to send signals to their subconscious that you are like them.

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RapportTheory:Communication is: 7% WORDS

38% TONALITY55% PHYSIOLOGY

When people are like each other, they like each other. Rapport is a process of responsiveness, not necessarily "liking".

Process: Rapport is established by matching & mirroringThe major elements of rapport:

MirroringMatching

PHYSIOLOGY (55%) Posture, Gestures, Facial expression & blinking, BreathingTONALITY Voice (38%)

Tone (pitch)Tempo (speed)Timbre (quality)Volume (loudness)

WORDS (7%) Predicates, Key words, Common experiences & associationsActual Content

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Intonation Patterns:Tonality

In the English LanguageThe arrows indicate the direction of tone of voice used in the progress and then ending tone of the sentence.

Question

Statement

Command

You can also form a sentence in a syntactic pattern in the form of Question, Statement and Command, while using any of the above tonalities.By far, the most powerful syntax in the English Language is a Questioning Syntax AND a Command Tonality

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Toward versus Away Motivation

The Stick“This is what we need to

avoid...”“I don’t know

if you’ll be able to do this

or not...”

The Carrot“Here are the

goals...”

“You can do it!”

MODAL OPERATOR SEQUENCE:How did you get up this morning? What did you say to yourself? __________________________________________(Words: can, must, have to, want to, got to, should, etc.)

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What are you motivated by?6 CORE NEEDS

Certainty Variety

Significance Connection

Growth Contribution

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Representational Systems

• We pay attention to the outside world and gather information using our five senses:

Visual – seeing Auditory – hearing Kinesthetic – feeling• And to a lesser degree: olfactory (smelling) and gustatory (tasting).• Just as we see, hear, touch, taste and smell the outside world, so we

recreate those same sensations in our mind, re-presenting the world to ourselves using our senses inwardly. We use our representational systems in everything we do – memory, planning, fantasizing and problem solving.

Visual

40%

Auditory

20%

Kinesthetic

40%

Auditory Digital

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Dress smartlyVery neat

Colour CoordinatedHas to look good

Love Brand names

“See”“Show”“Look”

“Imagine”“Does this look good to you?’

“This looks good?”

Learn best by seeing picturesInterested in how a program looks

Need a minimum of detail

Dress smartlyVery neat

Colour CoordinatedHas to look good

Love Brand names

Fast talkingSit/stand upright

Walk quickly

Visual

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“Tell”“Hear”

“Sounds like”“Rings a bell”

“Does this sound good to you?’“This sounds good!”

Learn best by talking it throughEnjoys talking on the phone or in

personEasily distracted by noise

Will use the phone to contact you.Tilt head to the side when listening to

you

Fast to moderate talkingMelodic voice

Auditory

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“Feel”“Get in Touch with”

“Grasp”“Get a handle on it”

“Does this feel good to you?’“This feels good!”

Learn best by doing itRespond best to physical rewards and

touchingWill not give an indication of understanding unless you ask

Comfortable shoesComfortable clothing

Not aware/not important if there are holes or dirt on their clothing

Very slow talkingPauses in the speech

Need to be comfortable – enjoy moving their body

Kinesthetic

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“Understand”“Motivate”“Consider”“Process”

“Does this make sense to you?’“This makes sense!”

Learn best by step by step process – written down

Needs procedures & processesAttention to detail

Clothing is practicalGreys – beige colours

Monotone voiceRather slow

Always email – with bullet points

Auditory Digital

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How to identify the Behavioural Styles

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This Behavioural Analysis divides all of the different behavioural styles into four main styles.

Dominance / Directive - D styles are competitive, aggressive decisive and results-oriented, and can also be impatient, overbearing and even rude.Influence / Interactive - I styles are talkative, sociable, optimistic and friendly, and can also be inattentive to detail, overly talkative and emotional.Steadiness / Supportive - S styles are calm, helpful, patient, modest and laid back, and also need stability and security and, therefore, help with change.Compliance / Cautious - C styles are precise, logical, matter of fact, analytical and careful, and can also focus too much on details becoming nitpicking, slow and lose the big picture.

These styles are not better or worse. Each of the styles has its own positives and not so positives.

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+ Same wavelength (if no overlapping responsibilities)

+ Presentation+ Influence- Makes a lot of fuss- Butterfly

+ Reliable+ Peaceful- Resists change- Slow, unimaginative

+ Expertise+ Professional skills-Focuses on nitty gritty- Non-enterprising

+ Results oriented+ Holds direction- Doesn’t understand people- Uncooperative

+ Humane+ Nice person

+ Reliable+ Sustainable- Depresses- Spoils the fun- Distant

+ Accuracy+ Amount of knowledge- Boring, cold

+ Courage+ Ability to take risks- Inconsiderate- Disturbs

+ Takes care oftalking

+ Presents well- Unreliable- High flyer

+ Reasonable + Good teammate- Cold, sober

+ Clear opinion+ Responsible- Autocrat - Full of steam

+ Social skills+ Sympathetic- Rambler- Superficial

+ Not a threat+ Neutral- Committee-minded- Not sharp enough

+ Doesn’t disturb

D

D

I

I S

S

C

CBehavioural Style