Communication Skills - 101 Tips for Business, Management and Leadership

E-BOOK SERIESAdvanced Interpersonal

Communication Skills

INTERPERSONALCOMMUNICATIONINTERPERSONALCOMMUNICATION

101 TIPS

Maximising your relationship

building effectiveness‘Your best investment is yourself’

101Interpersonal

Communication Tips

We communicate with others in every aspect of our lives.

How many of us have every been taught how to be highly effectivein the communication process or howdifferent people have different ways ofhearing, seeing and feeling?

Effective communicators are powerful vehicles for change in organisations, families and the wider community.

We have compiled 101 simple andhighly effective InterpersonalCommunication Tips that you can putinto practice immediately andexperience the positive impact theseTips have on your communicationand ultimately your relationships.

‘Your best investment is yourself’ Network Matters Australia • SuperSelfABN 44 086 516 010

© Copyright 2005

E-Book SeriesAdvanced Interpersonal Communication Skills

Welcome

I have created this guide for you for the purposeof enhancing your interpersonal communicationskills toolkit for improved personal and businessrelationships with others.

The tips in this guide are a result of substantialresearch, coaching clients and training groups ofpeople over many years.

I encourage you to put these interpersonal communication strategies into action and experiencethe amazing results you will get.

I wish you all the success you desire!

Mark

101 Interpersonal Communication Tips

Mark CoburnWorkshop Program Director

and Facilitator, Business/Executive

Coach

‘Your best investment is yourself’Network Matters Australia • SuperSelfABN 44 086 516 010

© Copyright 2005 1

________________________________________________________

1. Build rapport by matching the person’s behaviourYou can match some of the words they say, how they speak andtheir body language. People find it easier to get along withsomeone who is similar to them. ________________________________________________________

2. Match behaviour without mimickingIt is important to learn how to match someone’s behaviour withoutmimicking them. The art of matching is to engage similar behaviourwithout copying them. Otherwise they may think you are makingfun of them.________________________________________________________

3. Show an interest in the personPeople like to tell others about themselves and what they do. It isalso important for you to learn about them, so you can betterunderstand their needs and how you can help them.________________________________________________________

4. Show appreciation and respectEveryone likes to be respected and appreciated. Expressingappreciation goes a long way to developing trust and rapport.________________________________________________________

5. Develop a solid platform of rapport and understanding of someone’s needs before suggesting an idea or solution.________________________________________________________

6. Develop your rapport building skills by focusing on one rapportbuilding technique at a timeWhen you have mastered one, you can start developing the next.________________________________________________________

7. Test for rapport by observing the other person’s behaviourFor example, if you are in rapport with someone, they may crosstheir legs after you have just crossed yours.________________________________________________________

8. Communicate face to face with someone as much as practicableThis is because up to 100% of effective communication is availableto you in this situation. Effective communication comprises of thewords we use (7%), how we use our voice (38%) and body lan-guage we reveal (55%).________________________________________________________

9. During written communication, be very precise in articulatingexactly what you mean to sayThe reason this is important is because only 7% of highly effectivecommunication is the words you use, so they must be good.________________________________________________________


A wise man will make more

opportunities than he finds.

Francis Bacon


© Copyright 2005 2

________________________________________________________

10. Ask a quality question to get a quality answerThe more specific you can be with your question, the more likelyyou are to get an accurate answer.________________________________________________________

11. Start the conversation with easy to answer questionsFor example, “Hi Joe, how are you today? Do you have amoment?”________________________________________________________

12. Paraphrase to confirm your understandingIn your own words, summarise what the other person has said.________________________________________________________

13. Use ‘I’ statements when speaking about your own thoughts orexperienceTake ownership of what you are saying. Avoid using ‘you’ state-ments in these situations.________________________________________________________

14. Let the other person finish their sentence or communicationAvoid interrupting someone while they are still talking, unless youhave very good reason to do so._____________________________________________________________

15. Clarify any assumptions or uncertainty you are holdingIf you are uncertain about someone’s message, ask questions toeliminate any possible incorrect assumptions you may be making._____________________________________________________________

16. Acknowledge the achievements of the other personPeople like to be acknowledged as it gives them a reality checkand someone else’s point of view on how they are doing._____________________________________________________________

17. Obtain specificity from generalisationsIf you feel the other person is being too general in what they aresaying, ask them to be more specific._____________________________________________________________

18. Emphasize key words when speakingYou can become a more effective communicator by emphasisingkey words in the conversation. This makes it easier for the otherperson to get the essence of what you are saying.________________________________________________________


"SuperSelf’s Advanced

Interpersonal Communication

Workshop has expanded and

focused my communication

abilities as well as giving me

a better understanding of

myself. I am now better

equipped to tailor my

interaction with prospects

and clients, making it more

relevant to them."

Clint McKauge, Accuity


© Copyright 2005 3

Mark Coburn is an interpersonal communications specialist andworkshop facilitator. If you would like him to present at your event,

or you require more information, email us with your details.

[email protected]

________________________________________________________

19. Match the other person’s tone of voiceIf you are speaking to someone who has a higher pitched voicethan you, raise the frequency of your voice (without mimicking) toget closer to their level._____________________________________________________________

20. Match the other person’s speaking speedSome people naturally talk faster than others. For someone whospeaks slow it can become frustrating if the other person is speaking fast._____________________________________________________________

21. Match the loudness of the other person’s voiceA soft-spoken person is most likely to be more receptive to someone else who is also soft speaking._____________________________________________________________

22. Pause occasionally while speakingThis gives the other person time to think about what you are say-ing. It also makes the delivery of your message more interesting._____________________________________________________________

23. Match voice qualityDoes the person have a clear sounding or raspy voice? Matchingquality of their voice can be a little more challenging. You mayneed to practice this. Be careful not to mimic._____________________________________________________________

24. Be confident by maintaining upright body postureGet your posture right and you’ll start feeling better almostinstantly._____________________________________________________________

25. Maintain eye contact approximately 65% of the timeThis insures you are showing an interest without over intimidatingthe other person._____________________________________________________________

26. Match handshake strengthYou should get an indication as soon as you meet someone as tohow strong or soft your handshake should be. Trust your intuition here._____________________________________________________________


The most important key to

achieving great success

is to decide upon your goal

and launch,

get started,

take action,

move.

Brian Tracy


© Copyright 2005 4

Mark Coburn is a business and executive coach.If you are a business owner, corporate manager or executive

and would like to learn more about how he will coach you to success, email us with your details at

[email protected]

_____________________________________________________________

27. Smile with your whole faceA real smile is revealed when your whole face changes. Thisincludes the muscles around the eyes and the impression that youreyes are smiling as well as your mouth._____________________________________________________________

28. Match arm postures that lead to positive situationsFor example, matching someone by placing your hand underyour chin could show you are thinking about what the otherperson is saying. _____________________________________________________________

29. Match leg postures that lead to positive situationsFor example, matching someone by crossing your legs with yourankle resting on your knee encourages open communication._____________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________

30. Tilt your head to show interestAn occasional head tilt shows the other person that you areinterested in what they are saying._____________________________________________________________

31. Express honesty with open handsWhen speaking to someone maintain an open hand posture thatencourages open communication._____________________________________________________________

32. Greet a visual person by saying‘It’s nice to see you today’The key word here is ‘see’. This will focus their thoughtstowards seeing you and most likely replying by saying somethingremarkably similar._____________________________________________________________

33. Show visual people what it is you are communicatingShow them pictures or diagrams so they can see it on paper ordescribe it to them so they can see it with their minds eye._____________________________________________________________

34. Gesture your message to visual peopleIf you are talking to a visual person use gestures to give them a visual aid to support what you are saying. ________________________________________________________


"This workshop has given

me confidence in determining

the different learning modes

and personality types. It has

enabled me to provide

better assistance to my

work colleagues and clients

in relation to negotiation

and mentoring."

Belinda Giles, Boeing


© Copyright 2005 5

Mark Coburn is an interpersonal communications specialistand workshop facilitator. If you would like him to present at

your event, or you require more information, email us with your details at

[email protected]

________________________________________________________

35. Don’t give too many verbal instructions to a visual personVisual people get challenged when it comes to remembering verbalinstructions. Remember, paint the picture and allow them to see it._____________________________________________________________

36. Be well dressed and groomed when you meet a visual personThey like others who are neat, tidy and well organized._____________________________________________________________

37. Maintain good eye to eye contact with a visual personA visual person will want to see you eye to eye. This helps themfocus their communications with you. _____________________________________________________________

38. Take a visual person to nice placesThey get stimulated by fully engaging their visual senses amongstpleasant and colorful surroundings. _____________________________________________________________

39. Farewell a visual person by saying ‘I’ll see you later’The visual word here that they will relate to is ‘see’._____________________________________________________________

40. Greet an auditory person by saying ‘It’s nice to hear the soundof your voice’The key word here is ‘hear’. This will allow them to tune into theirauditory receptors._____________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________

41. Explain what it is you are saying to an auditory personThey are good listeners and need to hear what you have to say.Talk to them, clearly articulating the words of your desiredcommunication._____________________________________________________________

42. Modulate the tone of your voice when speaking to an auditory personIt’s important that what you say sounds interesting as well as theactual information itself.________________________________________________________


You are your greatest asset.

Put your time,

effort and money

into training, grooming,

and encouraging your

greatest asset.

Tom Hopkins


© Copyright 2005 6

For more information about the 4 different learning modes(visual, auditory, kinesthetic and auditory digital) and how to

discern which is the preferred mode of another person, enquire about our Advanced Interpersonal Communication

Skills eCourse. Email us today with your details at

[email protected]

_____________________________________________________________

43. Let auditory people talkThey like to be heard. We have two ears and only one mouth.Listen to them and hear what it is they are saying to you._____________________________________________________________

44. Ask an auditory person what music they likeThey may even appreciate background music playing while you arewith them._____________________________________________________________

45. Praise auditory people verbally

Thank them by telling them either in person or over the telephone.They like to hear your acknowledgement._____________________________________________________________

46. Farewell an auditory person by saying ‘I’ll talk to you later’The auditory word here that they will relate to is ‘talk’._____________________________________________________________

47. Connect with a kinesthetic person by saying ‘How are youfeeling today’The key word here is ‘feeling’. This will support them to tap intotheir feelings._____________________________________________________________

48. Speak relatively slowly to a kinesthetic personso they can feel what you are saying._____________________________________________________________

49. Speak with feeling to a kinesthetic personThey will respond well to you if they feel a heart to heart connection._____________________________________________________________

50. Demonstrate your point to a kinesthetic person with apractical exampleThey like to take a ‘hands on’ approach so it is easy for them torelate to a tactile experience._____________________________________________________________

51. Be empathetic towards a kinesthetic person’s feelingsby saying ‘I appreciate how you feel about the situation’._____________________________________________________________

52. Physically reward a kinesthetic personThis could be by means of a gift, a pat on the back or a handshake._____________________________________________________________

53. Allow a kinesthetic person to stand in your personal spaceThis is because they have a need to get a feel for you at anenergetic level to help them connect and build rapport.________________________________________________________


"The Advanced Interpersonal


workshop has given me the

benefit of being able to bet-

ter deal with the different

personality types. I would

recommend this workshop

because it really explains

a solid foundation to the

sales process."

Robert Bauman,

Count Wealth Accountants


© Copyright 2005 7

_____________________________________________________________

54. Farewell a kinesthetic person by saying ‘ I’ll catch you later’The kinesthetic word here that they will relate to is ‘catch’._____________________________________________________________

55. Provide a detailed account of a situation to an auditory digital personThese people like lots of information so they can formulate theirunderstanding._____________________________________________________________

56. Make sure you make sense of a situation when communicatingwith an auditory digital personThey need to figure it all out so it needs to make sense. _____________________________________________________________

57. Take notes when you are communicating with an auditory digital personThis gives them an indication you are keeping an accurate recordof the situation._____________________________________________________________

58. Communicate your message in a sequential or logical way to anauditory digital personThese people process and memorise information in sequences. _____________________________________________________________

59. Give an auditory digital person something interesting to considerThese people like mental stimulation and something to think about._____________________________________________________________

60. Ask an auditory digital person ‘What are your thoughts?’Create an opportunity for them to reflect on the situation andshare their thoughts._____________________________________________________________


The future depends on what

we do in the present.

Mahatma Gandhi


© Copyright 2005 8

To learn how to discern which is the primary personality type of another person (dominant, inspiring, steady or

conscientious), enquire about our Advanced Interpersonal Communication

Skills eCourse or our Personality Profiling service.

Email us today with your details at

[email protected]

________________________________________________________

61. Learn to understand and auditory digital person’s perspective

on a situationAsk them questions, be thoughtful, be curious and be‘the discoverer’._____________________________________________________________

62. Allow an auditory digital person to question the situationQuestioning allows them to formulate a precise understanding._____________________________________________________________

63. Farewell an auditory digital person by saying

‘I am really appreciative of this experience’The auditory Digital words here that they will relate to are‘appreciative’ and ‘experience’._____________________________________________________________

64. Be direct and straight to the point with dominant peopleThe dominant personality type respects this type of approach._____________________________________________________________

65. Be decisive with dominant peopleThey don’t like wasting time or time wasters. _____________________________________________________________

66. Set a clear purpose at the beginning of the discussion with a

dominant personThis also shows your decisiveness and leadership which will earn you respect._____________________________________________________________

67. Show a dominant person how they can be successfulThe dominant personality type is highly motivated by resultsand success._____________________________________________________________

68. Be clear, concise and time efficient when communicating with a

dominant person._____________________________________________________________

69. Provide a dominant person with clear choicesThe dominant personality type has a need to be in charge.Providing clear and concise choices leads them towards making adecisive decision._____________________________________________________________

70. Focus any disagreements you may have with a dominant person

based on the facts._____________________________________________________________


"I have gained some solid

skills to apply to strengthen-

ing client relationships and

building sound new ones. As

a result of this workshop, I

have an increased under-

standing on how to max-

imise client business through

better understanding how

they operate as individuals.

The workshop was fun, prac-

tical and educational."

Tricia Quan, ImpactPR.


© Copyright 2005 9

________________________________________________________

71. Motivate a dominant person by being energetic and illustratingthe bottom lineThe dominant personality type will need to get the sense that youare energetic and driven towards showing them the end goal._____________________________________________________________

72. Do what you say you are going to do with a dominant personYou must demonstrate the ability to follow through on the task athand, otherwise you may lose trust and respect with the dominantpersonality type._____________________________________________________________

73. Greet an inspiring person by saying ‘I am thrilled to meet you.’The key word here for the inspiring personality type is ‘thrilled’._____________________________________________________________

74. Have fun when interacting with an inspiring personThe inspiring personality type likes fun, entertainment and enjoyment._____________________________________________________________

75. Acknowledge the accomplishments of an inspiring personThis personality type thrives on recognition._____________________________________________________________

76. Be animated when speaking to an inspiring personYou need to keep up the level of interest with the inspiringpersonality type. They sometimes have a tendency to get boredduring a conversation._____________________________________________________________

77. Make an impression with an inspiring person. _____________________________________________________________

78. Focus on the goals of an inspiring personThe facts and figures can be boring to the inspiring personality type, so keep them focused on the positive consequences of theirfuture accomplishments._____________________________________________________________

79. Interact frequently with an inspiring personThis may be a chat on the phone or at a coffee shop._____________________________________________________________

80. Motivate an inspiring person by helping them translate talk andideas into specific actions._____________________________________________________________

81. Listen to the ideas of an inspiring personThe inspiring personality type likes to come up with new ideas. This stimulates and excites them._____________________________________________________________


Every great leap forward

in your life comes

after you have made

a clear decision of some

kind.

Brian Tracy


© Copyright 2005 10

_____________________________________________________________

82. Finish the intended discussion with an inspiring personThis is important, even if it takes a little longer than planned.Avoid abruptly closing the discussion._____________________________________________________________

83. Open the discussion with a steady person by asking how theirfamily is, or a specific family memberThe steady personality type appreciates this as you are showing aninterest in their personal situation and the people they care for._____________________________________________________________

84. Ask a steady person ‘How can I support you?’The steady personality type is very supportive of other and willappreciate the same in return._____________________________________________________________

85. Be friendly and comforting with a steady person._____________________________________________________________

86. Avoid imposing too much change too quickly with a steady personThe steady personality type likes stability. Status quo suits them well._____________________________________________________________

87. Take the initiative and provide leadership and direction with asteady personThe steady personality type feels comfortable in following theleadership of others._____________________________________________________________

88. Avoid rushing a steady personYou’ll need to go at their pace, otherwise they may feel uncomfortable._____________________________________________________________

89. During a time of change, help a steady person put their mind atease by offering a safe and seamless transition_____________________________________________________________


"The Advanced

Interpersonal


workshop has enabled me to

deal more effectively with

people of all personality

types.

I recommend this workshop

because it was informative,

well structured, fun and

interactive. It was very

professional in terms of the

presentation, the venue and

the handout material.

I have learnt a lot of great

information that I need to

continue to absorb over

time."

Marni Taylor, 2005



Mark Coburn is an interpersonal communications expert

and workshop facilitator. If you would like to experience his

full day Advanced Interpersonal Communication Skills

workshop where you will learn how to put all of these tips

into action, email us at [email protected] your details or go to www.superself.com.au

to book into the next event.

_____________________________________________________________

90. Avoid conflict as much as possible with a steady personOne of the biggest fears of the steady personality type is conflict._____________________________________________________________

91. Provide reassurance about what you are offering a steady personIt can also be useful to offer a personal guarantee to the steady personality type._____________________________________________________________

92. Prove your credibility with a conscientious person to earn their respectOtherwise, the conscientious personality type will be cautiousabout making decisions that involve you._____________________________________________________________

93. Be on time when meeting with a conscientious personThey like precision and punctuality._____________________________________________________________

94. Communicate in a logical way to the conscientious personIt needs to make sense to them._____________________________________________________________

95. Be objective with a conscientious personClearly state your objectives upfront and make sure you achievethese objectives on time and as agreed._____________________________________________________________

96. Be patient with a conscientious personThey are not likely to make a quick decision, but when they dothey are usually very committed._____________________________________________________________

97. Ensure you provide a comprehensive answer for the conscientious personThis personality type appreciates a detailed and well thought out response._____________________________________________________________

98. Ask a conscientious person ‘Do you require further information?’This also demonstrates your dedication towards beingcomprehensive and thorough._____________________________________________________________

99. Be accurate and precise when communicating with a conscientious personThis personality type responds well to quality, perfection and accuracy.________________________________________________________


If you always do what

you've always done,

you'll always get what

you've always got.

Anonymous



_____________________________________________________________

100. Clearly present value for money to the conscientious personThe conscientious personality type needs to understand the facts,figures and benefits of what you are suggesting._____________________________________________________________

101. Finally, to ALL people, be fully present and highly focused during a conversationAvoid allowing your thoughts to drift off somewhere else.Otherwise, you may miss something the other person is saying.___________________________________________________________________

Feel free to contact us if you would like to learn more aboutour products, services or workshops from one of our coaches.

PO Box 627 Spring HillQueensland 4004Australia

Freecall 1800 005 013(Australian residents)

International Tel +617 3276 0108Fax +617 3276 0622

E-mail [email protected]

www.superself.com.au

EXECUTIVE & BUSINESS COACHING • INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION • FACILITATION

7 STEPS TO SUCCESS • ‘SMARTER’ GOALS • STRESS MANAGEMENT • PERSONALITY PROFILING

TEAM EMPOWERMENT • PROFESSIONAL SPEAKING • SELF DEVELOPMENT WORKSHOP


"Advanced Interpersonal

Communication Skills has

given me the ability to

understand who I am and

my makeup. I now realise

that people are not just

their face. I will always look

back into the workshop

manual to confirm my

understanding of certain

people."

Paul McCandless,

Prestigious Indoor Plants



‘Your best investment is yourself’

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Communication Skills - 101 Tips for Business, Management and Leadership

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