© Gladeana McMahon, 2014 1
CONFIDENCE AT WORK
Gladeana McMahon FBACP, FAC, FIMS, FRSA. FISMA.
© Gladeana McMahon, 2014 1
Why does Confidence Matter?
• Reaching full potential
• Taking risks
• Communicating and engaging
• Effective leadership
• Personal well-being
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Confidence
• What is Confidence?
• How do you know if someone is
confident?
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Confidence Programme
Has 4 parts:
Confident Manner (Body Language and social
skills)
Confident Thoughts (thinking styles)
Confident Feelings (emotions)
Confident Behaviour (acting confidently)
© Gladeana McMahon, 2014 1
Confidence and Genetics
The Bad News 50% Genetic 10% Life Experiences
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Confidence and Genetics
The good news 40% is within your control
Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9, 111-131. USA.
© Gladeana McMahon, 2014 1
Confident manner Body Language
Understanding First impressions
•Body language
•Eye contact
•Facial expressions
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Confident Manner Body Language
•Posture
•Gestures
•Modelling confident people
•Standing in front of the mirror to practice
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Confident Manner Social Skills
•Open Questions what, where, when, how and
why?
•OPEN Model (occupation, personal relationships,
environment, non-work time)
•Risk Taking
•Listening skills (LEARN - Listen, Evaluate and
Respond Now)
Confident Manner A Different Perspective
Useful Feedback
Choose two people and ask them 4 questions:
• What do you like most about me?
• What aspect about my personality would you like
to change and why?
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Confident Manner A Different Perspective
• How do you think I come across to new people?
• What could I do to give new people a better
impression of me?
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Confident Manner What motivates you?
Money
Status
Security
Achievement
Power
Friendship
Love
Praise
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Confident Thoughts Keeping a Diary
• Event (date, time, where, when, who was involved?) • Appraisal (the thoughts that go through your
mind) • Emotion (what you felt) • Response (what you did) • Review of What you could have done differently? (e.g. thoughts, actions etc.)
© Gladeana McMahon, 2014 1
Confident Thoughts Robinson’s Learning Stages
STAGE ONE
Unconsciously incompetent
STAGE TWO
Unconsciously incompetent
STAGE THREE
Consciously competent
STAGE FOUR
Unconsciously competent
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Confident Thoughts Optimism versus Pessimism
Exercise • Name 3 people you feel optimistic around and say why? • Name 3 situations where you have felt optimistic and say why?
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Confident Thoughts Optimism versus Pessimism
Exercise • Name 3 people you feel pessimistic around and say why? • Name 3 situations you feel pessimistic about and say why?
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Confident Thoughts Optimism versus Pessimism
Exercise
• Improve your optimism
• List 3 good things that have happened to you at the end of each day and say why they were good
• Replace negative thinking with realistic thinking
• Make a list of positive “inner dialogue” and repeat on a daily basis e.g. “I am getting better at x and can do more than I could before”
© Gladeana McMahon, 2014 1
Confident Thoughts Types of Cognitive Distortions
• All or nothing thinking ("I pass or I fail", "you win or you lose"," it's right or it's wrong") • Mind reading ("she didn't look at me therefore she I must have done something to
upset her") • Fortune telling ("I just know they think I am boring") • Magnification
("Oh my God this is SO dreadful")
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Confident Thoughts Types of Cognitive Distortions
• Blame ("It's all his/her/my fault") • Overgeneralization
("all men/women are untrustworthy", “people will always laugh at me")
• Shoulds, Musts, Have to's and Ought
("I/you/she/he/they must..have to..ought to”)
• Emotive language (strong language to self reducing confidence)
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Confident Thoughts Thought Stopping
• Imagine a “stop sign” • Shout “stop” in your head • Place an elastic band round your wrist and “ping” it
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Confident Thoughts Helping Yourself
• Put it in writing - identify error
• Find counter examples • Befriend your self • Test your assumptions • Think in increments
• Talk to other people • Clarify your meaning • Edit your thoughts • Broaden the picture • Visualization
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Confident Thoughts Other Techniques
• Modelling yourself on someone you think handles situations well - what to they do/say?
• Reviewing situations and thinking what went well and what you could have done differently?
• Exercises such as a simple walk can help
• Nutrition is important caffeine, blood sugar levels etc.
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Confident Thoughts Other Techniques
• Sleep needs to be regular if possible
• Act as if you are confident
• Stress makes things worse
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Confident Thoughts Other Techniques
• Big I little I
• Thoughts Form
• Responsibility Pie
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Confident Feelings Responsibility Pie
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Cost / Benefit Analysis
Name Date Problem
COST BENEFIT
Write down the problem you are experiencing and, on the right hand side, write down all of the benefits of continuing to stay as you are. Then on the left hand side write down all the costs (emotional, practical, financial etc.) of continuing.
© Gladeana McMahon, 2014 1
Confident Feelings Confidence Draining Negative Emotions
Anxiety
Some tips for dealing with Anxiety include:
• Keeping a worry book
• Limiting worrying to half an hour a day at a specified time
• Relaxation
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Confident Acts Problem Solving
6 Stage Model:
Stage One = Identify the Problem “What’s
Wrong?”
Stage Two = Selecting Goals “What do I want
to happen?”
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Confident Acts Problem Solving
Stage Three = Options and Consequences
“How can I get what I want and what are
the pros and cons of doing this?”
Stage Four = Decision Making “This is what
I’ll do”
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Confident Acts Problem Solving
Stage Five = Action “I’m doing it now”
Stage Six = Evaluating the Outcome “What
went well and what could I have done
differently?”
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Confident Acts Assertiveness
Personality Types:
• Passive / Non-Assertive
• Aggressive
• Passive-Aggressive/Indirectly Aggressive
• Assertive
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Confident Acts Assertiveness
Impact:
• How I feel?
• What I think?
• How I behave?
• How others behave towards me?
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Confident Acts Assertiveness
Skills:
• 3 step-model
• Repetition/broken record
• Negative Feelings Assertion
• Workable Compromise
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Confident Acts Assertiveness
Skills:
• Deflecting
• Discrepancy Assertion
• Thinking it over time
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Confident Acts Assertiveness
Skills for particular situations:
• Coping with Conflict
• Dealing with Requests - saying “NO”
• Handling Criticism
• Giving Criticism
• Managing put-downs
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Confident Acts Predict and Response Plan
Predict
• What could happen
• All the things that could happen
Prepare
• What can be done to deal with the problems
Practice
• Strategies
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Confident Acts Predict and Response Plan Practice
• When will I practice?
• Where will I practice?
• With whom?
Lazarus 1992
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Confident Acts: PR Plan Worksheet
Situation:
Feeling (rate 0-10)
(1) Predict what bad things might happen if you did this.
(2) Prepare coping resources. What could you do when this happens?
A)
A)
B)
B)
C)
C)
D)
D)
E)
E)
F)
F)
© Gladeana McMahon, 2014 1
Further Reading : CBC Performance Coaching for Dummies, McMahon, G. Leimon, A. John Wiley & Sons (2008) Essential Business Coaching. Leimon, A, Moscovici, F, McMahon, G. London: Brunner Routledge (2006) Life Coaching: A Cognitive Behavioural Approach. Neenan, M. and Dryden, W. London: Brunner-Routledge. (2000) Confidence Works – Learn to be your own Life Coach. McMahon. G. London: Sheldon Press, (2001) No More Anxiety – be your own Anxiety Coach. McMahon. London: G. H, Karnac (Books) Ltd (2005) Achieving Excellence in your Coaching Practice. McMahon, G, Palmer, S, Wilding, C. London: Brunner-Routledge (2006) No More Anger, McMahon, G, Karnac (Books) Ltd (2008) No More Stress, McMahon, G, Karnac(Books) Ltd (2009) Cognitive Behavioural Coaching Techniques for Dummies, H, Whitten. John Wiley & Sons (2009)
© Gladeana McMahon, 2014 1
Thank you for listening
[email protected] www.cognitivebehaviouralcoachingworks.com