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Confidence & Charm

S A L O N N O . 6

Salon No. 6 - Confidence & Charmmodern day icon

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S A L O N N O . 6

Confidence & Charm

Hello and welcome to Become A Modern Day Icon. This is Tonya Lee, the creator and your hostess. You are listening to salon number six, Charm and Confidence. Oscar Wilde said, “It is a great mistake for men to give up paying compliments for when they give up saying what is charming, they give up thinking what is charming.” Like everything we discussed in the previous five salons, charm and confidence is an internal mindset that radiates externally into everything that you do, and iconic women seem to have it in space.

It’s that spell that seduces the hearts of others. The French call it je ne sais quoi or I don’t know what, but I do know what. It’s both a combination of charm and confidence. Contrary to what you believe, these are qualities that can be cultivated easily, and you’ll begin to see results immediately. For all you note takers out there, and you know who you are, you’re going to want to get your pen and paper ready, because in this salon, I have a lot to share such as what charm is and isn’t, and why it’s an essential component of being iconic, the importance of playfulness or flirtation in your daily life, and my number one flirting tip.

How to use your charm to get a yes from the world, the myth about confidence that is keeping you stuck and what to do instead, and the only way to develop more confidence, and an immediate challenge to get you started. Let’s dive in and discover the art of charm and confidence. I’m going to be speaking on each topic separately, but please know that they are both necessary for the other for it’s difficult to have charm without confidence. However, you can’t possess confidence without much charm, but what you end up with is what a lot of people consider to be arrogance, but when the two work together, you become this unstoppable force of feminine nature that has the world at her feet.

I want to start the discussion out about self-confidence, because this is impacting every area of your life. As Virginia Woolf said, “Without self-confidence, we are mere babes in a cradle.” I’m into a brilliant and successful women from all over the world, and if I have to define the number one thing that they all seem to struggle with initially, it would be self-confidence. This is very similar to what we talked about in our last salon on self-worth. However, self-confidence, I see it as what you radiate to the external world, and it’s very much tied to your self-worth.

The fascinating thing that I’ve learned in working with these women is that they usually don’t block confidence in all areas of their lives, but in one or two. The woman who’s built a million-dollar empire may struggle with her confidence in relationships, or the woman who attracts amazing people into her life may struggle with confidence in her financial well being. Yet, to create a life you adore living requires that you have a hipping dose of self-confidence in all areas. Building a business, creating a loving relationship, caring for your body, and having a life full of experiences all require this necessary ingredient.

When a woman consistently takes actions towards her desires and course corrects along the way, she will receive beautiful results. Without self-confidence, a woman will often procrastinate and remain actionless in her life resulting in a state that she considers to

be stuckness, but she’s not stuck. She’s choosing to stay where she is because she lacks the belief in herself to get moving. The good news is that you can rebuild self-confidence just as easily as you build a wardrobe. It’s an art of letting go of beliefs that aren’t true, and taking action towards what you desire in your life.



When you think about it, we are naturally drawn towards confident people. We trust them more. They seem more credible. They have a certain presence that makes us feel safe. Why? Because they are the leader of their own lives, and we admire that quality. This is what I see in iconic women. They are basically living their lives based on their values, their passions, and they exude the sense of just being confident in who they are. I have a lot of practical steps that you can begin to take to rebuild your self-confidence.

Before I do, I want to share my story on how I began to build my own. You see, I wasn’t always the confident woman that I am today. I remember the pain of walking into a room and feeling less than. I remember being afraid to speak up because I was worried that what I had to say wasn’t worth hearing. I remember not taking action because I was afraid that I would be found out, that good old, fraud factor that stops so may women. I also remember trying to move my worth by being the best in my class, being a certain number on a scale or making the mark.

I did all of those things, and there I was still lacking confidence. The thing with confidence is that it’s about the relationship that you have with yourself and how you view the world. If you think everyone is judging you that you’ll fail or that something horrible is going to happen if you step outside and play in the world, you’ll continue to hide your radiance, and that would be such a shame because an iconic woman never does such a thing. If you want to follow your dreams, you must learn to because a confident woman.

Confidence does not mean perfection. If that was the case, I’d be doomed. I am probably the most imperfect person you will ever meet. I’m goofy. I make mistakes and fail at something probably on a daily basis, but I’m the most confident I’ve ever been. I want to share with you some of the practical ways that I’ve felt this. Number one, experience. I always tell women that confidence does not come and knock on your door. You must go out and gain experience to create more confidence. In other words, there is a first time for everything, but if your fear of failure exceeds your desire to create a life you love, you’ll stop yourself every time.

This is a catch 22. In order to create more confidence, you must gain experience to prove to yourself that you are a courageous and capable woman. This requires that you adopt this mindset. It is be willing to fail miserably. Let me just offer some of the examples on my own personal life of what does this look like for me. I remember when I was working in the critical care unit, and I was left on my own as charge nurse and having my very first code. I was literally scared to death, and death was on the line.

Yet, when I went through that experience, trusting that I have the knowledge that I needed and the expertise and staying present with the situation, I saw myself begin to gain confidence. The interesting thing is code after code, I began to feel more and more

comfortable in a literally life and death situation. What I also began to notice is that others began to depend on me too, which further increased my confidence. By the end of my critical care career, I had doctors asking me questions in really high-stress situations.

I’ve had this happen over and over in my life, because to create what you desire is always going to require that you do something for the first time, whether it’s taking art class, get up in front a crowd and speak or submit your manuscript. Your life will be full of first, and that is actually a really beautiful thing. How many people avoid having these experiences out of fear of failure? If I had not been willing to have my first experiences and be willing to fail miserably, I would have never had my first teleseminar.

I remember that to this day. It was called Health Happiness and Baggy Jeans. I had eight women on the call, and I was a hot mess. It was new technology. I had never done anything like that before, but over time, it just became something I did. It was like a new normal. I also would have never went to [inaudible] School because I knew nothing about wine, and I remember making a complete fool of myself in the first class when I was asked what my favorite wine was, and I told the entire class that my favorite wine was rose wine.



I didn’t even know how to pronounce Rosé. By the end of that class, I was number one. I passed the blind tasking with flying colors. I also would have never created my first mastermind. I remember that experience to this day. It was such a beautiful group of women who are still dear to my heart, but I failed in many ways that first year. Number one, I didn’t have an event planner. I took a group of women to Monaco on my own, and it was full of mistakes and just faux pax, but it was still such a beautiful experience.

I had to be willing to fail in order to grown and to learn more. We won’t be gathered here if I was not willing to do things for the first time. This program and everything I’ve created is the result of my willingness to fail and to do things for the first time. I’ve created affirmations for first time experiences. I’m going to share them with you now. They are number one, this feels hard only because it’s my first time. Whatever the outcome, I’m going to learn from this experience. Then finally, every time I do this, it becomes easier and easier.

The next time you’re faced with doing something for the first time, I want you to remember this discussion, and I also want you to remember these affirmations because they will serve you well. Number two, pay attention to the positive. Let me ask you a question. Why is it that Donald Trump can walk around reveling in his self-assuredness and most women walk around smothering in the negative? It’s because they have trained themselves to focus on any negative statement, belief or experience while a confident person has trained herself or, in the case of Donald Trump, himself to focus on every compliment, success, and experience in their lives.

I want you to on a daily basis over the course of the next week to list five positive compliments that you’ve received. I want you to list five positive strengths that you possess, five positive beliefs that you have about yourself, and five accomplishments

that you’re proud of. A confident person knows that what they focus on grows, and I want you to begin to train yourself to focus on the positive. Number three, know who you are. I was at my best friend’s wedding last week in Bordeaux, France. I have the chance to sit down with her father and have a really beautiful discussion about life.

He said something to me that is so true. He said, “Tonya, when you know who you are, everything else becomes easier.” You see, a confident woman knows who she is and she makes decisions based on her core values, which we’ve mentioned before. She doesn’t allow society to dictate how she should behave and the life that she should live. She creates her own rules, and because of that, she comes across as very confident, when in fact, what she is is simply a woman who knows who she sis.

I want you to revisit your core values, and ask yourself, “Are you making decisions based on what you value? What rules are you currently living by that no longer serve you?” Number four, be decisive. I’ve seen this one time and time again in my own life as well as others. The torture of remaining in indecision, and it stems from something we’ve talked about in the previous salon, a lack of belief in yourself. A confident woman doesn’t torture herself for days and weeks and months and sometimes years with making a decision, because she knows her values, and she knows who she is, she for the most part, not always, but she makes decisions pretty rapidly.

As a side note, there are times when you need more information. You need more time to process and sit with the decision before making it, but for too many women, this state if indecisiveness becomes a state of being rather than a conscious choice. I want you to practice making decisions. I invite you to start small. You can start by choosing the restaurant that you want to go to, what to have for dinner or what to wear. Then move to the bigger decisions, where to vacation, the car you want to buy, the program you want to invest in, how you want to invest your money, your time.

You see, the beauty of making decisions is that it creates a momentum. It gets the ball moving where remaining in indecision will always give you this feeling of being stuck. Want to get unstuck? Make a decision. Commit to something. Take one action step, and just watch what follows. Number five, have dreams and desires. A woman



without dreams and desires lacks joy, passion, and excitement. She wakes up with nothing really to move towards, and her human nature is to know what you want and to begin creating it.

It’s not necessarily the outcomes that’s exciting. It’s the process of creating your dreams. I often remember times when I wanted something so badly and I got it, and I was like, “Really? This is it?” I realized it was the process and who I became in that process that really meant the most to me. It’s not about getting somewhere, but it is about moving towards something that means something to you. I want you to begin to think about where do you want to be in three months? Where do you want to be in here? Where do you want to be in three years?

Begin to map out and think about what is it that you want in life, and what are the next steps in moving in the direction of those desires? Don’t get so wrapped up in the

outcome, because that often gets in the way. Don’t even get wrapped up in the how. Just begin to have those dreams and desires and be excited about who you’re going to become in the process of creating them. Number six, take inspired action. Building confidence comes from taking action towards deciding what you want. Creating a strategy to get there and taking one step at a time towards your vision.

Dissolving beliefs and doing the mindset work around self-confidence is vital, but it’s only a small part of the puzzle. The truth is that self-confidence comes from doing. It comes from taking action, but not just any doing or any action. I’m not a fan of frantic, grinding gotta go big or go home kind of action. That’s not very elegant and full ease for me. It really defeats the point. You want your action to come from a place of being that is grounded on who you want to be as an iconic woman. In looking at your three-month, one-year, and three-year vision, ask yourself this, “What are some small doable action steps that will lead me towards my desired outcome feeling and the vision itself ?”

I would love for you to actually post what step that you are committed to taking on our Facebook form. Number seven, commitment. Writing your goals and actions steps down is not enough. You must commit to creating your dreams. There is a huge difference between hoping and taking action. Anthony Robbins said, “Success is cutting off all your options for failure.” Just last week while in France, I was speaking with a very successful entrepreneur who has built and sold a multimillion dollar company. When I asked him his secret to success, he said, “I never even thought that failure was an option.”

When I launched my first mastermind, I spent far more time creating and putting energy into what I wanted my clients to experience. Then thinking about failing. Honestly, I was so in love with it that I didn’t even think that it wouldn’t work. Now, had it not, I would have figured it out, but perhaps my knowing that I would find a solution was why it’s been filled year after year with the right women. I want you to commit yourself 100% to creating what you desire. Even when you get off course, course correct and recommit.

The rewards of living a life committed to your dreams will pay off, I promise, and it leads to more self-confidence. Each morning and throughout the day, I want you to recite this to yourself, “I am committed to creating my desires.” Number eight, have fun. The journey to creating self-confidence and your dream should not be one of torture and pain. Sure, there will be challenging moments that are designed to make your more strong and more brave and more confident. However, when you commit to fulfilling your dreams, I want you to equally commit enjoying the process.

Have patience. Savor the moment, and have fun along the way. Ask yourself this question, “What are some ways that I cal add more fun into my life while creating my dreams?” Number nine, make friends with fear. I hear people talk about fearlessness, and it makes me cringe. Why? Because I’ve never met a person who is fearless. The people that I’ve met who are creating their vision, who are living the life of their dreams are full of fear. However, they take action despite fear.



Every time I do something new, I experience fear. This unfortunately is where most women is stuck, but an iconic woman does not [inaudible] stop her. Being willing to take

action despite fear is how you build your confidence. For me, fear is often a sign that I’m heading in the direction, but it is also a fine line, and it’s important for woman to know herself in order to decipher between something she really wants, that her soul really wants, or something that she’s simply afraid of. The way I determine which is which is that I hold it up to my value system.

If it’s a match, which for me means that it will bring me more beauty, connection, and love, then I ask myself this one question, “Will I regret not trying this?” If the answer is a solid yes, I know that it’s something to move toward. If it’s a no, then I know to stay away. Please accept that you’re going to have fear. You’re going to experience it, so it’s okay if you’re not fearless. However, as a modern day icon, you’re not going to let fear stop you. You are going to learn to [inaudible] right through your fear.

What is something that you’ve been avoiding due to fear that you’ll commit to taking a step towards over the next week? Perhaps it’s a phone call that you’ve been avoiding. Perhaps it’s posting a blog post that you’ve been dying to put out into the world that you’ve let fear stop you. What is that next step? I promise you that if it’s in alignment with who you desire to be in your core values, you will not be sorry. It ill definitely build your self-confidence. Number 10, expect the best. One of the things I’ve trained myself to do is change my perspective of the world.

Like most women, I used to think that the world was like a battleground, where always needed to protect myself, prove myself where doom awaited around every corner. That fun was not something that should be had. When I changed my perception of the world, everything changed. Here are the ways that I now view the world, which is very different from my old self who lack confidence. Number one, the universe is conspiring on my behalf. The world is my playground. There are so many people who want to support me.

The more I give, the more life gives me, and everyone in this room loves me. Reciting these mantras daily began to change my life drastically. Sure, I still have fear and moments of panic. However, when I go back to these affirmations, the sun shines brightly again, and I know the truth. We are all connected, and the universe wants to see us all succeed. Number 12, speak the language of confidence. As you master your internal dialogue, you’ll also want to adopt the vocabulary of confidence.

You can sense a confident person by the language they use. The beauty of learning how to speak confidently is that you’ll also be reinforcing your new beliefs. Many years ago, I joined the group Toast Masters, and I really began to appreciate the power of language. I also learned the vocabulary that kills confidence. I’m going to share with you words that you’ll not hear a modern day icon speak and words that you most definitely want to add to your vocabulary to boot your confidence. Let’s start with the words that most go first. The first word is try.

As Yoda said, there is no try only do. There isn’t an energy shift that happens when a person stops saying, “I’ll try,” to saying, “I will.” The word try implicated uncertainty. It’s a maybe. However, I will do something implicates that it’s a done deal. For example,

telling yourself, “I’ll try to participate fully in the program,” leads me and more importantly yourself to doubt. However, saying I will participate in this program fully tells me and yourself that you’re committed.

I have eliminated the word try from my vocabulary, and even if on occasion I don’t follow through with what I say I’ll do, I feel much more confident than when I was a woman filled with tries. The next word, but. My friend who is a psychiatrist at Harvard taught me this little trick, and it’s a powerful one. Eliminate the word but from your vocabulary because when you use it, it negates everything that you’ve said previously. For example, I really want to go to Paris, but I can’t afford it. A more powerful and confident statement would be, “I really want to go to Paris, and I’m choosing not to go until I can afford it.”



Just a heads up, I still let this one slip. It’s an ongoing process, so be fascinated with yourself, and more importantly, be compassionate. The last word is a little tricky, because it’s one that makes us feel good. It gives us a warm, fuzzy feeling, and yet, it is a sign of a lack of confidence. That word is hope. Hoping for things is not the same as doing them. Many people hope that their lives will change. However, a modern day icon doesn’t hope. She commits. For example, I’ve had women tell me, “I hope to do your society next year.”

A much more powerful statement would be, “I am creating a plan to be a part of your society next year.” The thing with the latter statement is that it builds belief and confidence in yourself. You get out of a place of hoping that your life will be different, and you begin to take steps and create a strategy to making it different. Take action and expect the best. Finally, the word should has to go. The word should indicates that you’re taking action out of expectation, and not by your own inspired choice.

It’s a very limiting word, and it’s not the vocabulary of a modern day icon. For example, I shouldn’t eat this piece of cake keeps you stuck in a state of limited choices and what you’ve been taught you should or shouldn’t do. A much more powerful statement would be, “I’m choosing to or not to eat the cake.” This puts you back in the power seat of your own life. Just notice when this word should comes out, and begin to eliminate it because it’s not serving you at all. Now, I want to talk about the words that build confidence. I have found myself using these words more and more with fabulous results.

When I use them, the true gift is what it creates for me internally. It is like a boost in my own self-confidence every time I use them. I also know that it has an impact on all of those around me. They believe in me more. They trust me more, and they turn to me for guidance. Here are some of those words, absolutely. For example, I will absolutely be there. Can you sense the certainty that I’m going to show up? Can you sense that I’m confident in my choice? The word absolutely is a very confident word to add to your vocabulary.

The other one is of course. For example, of course I know how to do that. Again, a huge confidence booster. The next word is certainly. For example, I will certainly make those

reservations. The last one is guaranteed. For example, if you show up and do the work in my programs, you will receive results, guaranteed. As you begin to use a vocabulary of confidence, notice how it makes you feel. It is almost like you begin to create a strong deep belief in yourself, and you also begin to create confidence in others. Begin to adopt these words of confidence, because I promise you that you will see results.

Number 13, dress the part. Now, you know this is one of my favorites because I love style. I love seeing women show up in the world as a true expression of who they are. You’ll also know that this course is going from our internal world to our outside world. It’s really us working on our internal dialog so that we can be a true expression of who we are. The way you present yourself to the world is an integral part of your self-confidence. If you’re wearing clothes that don’t flatter you and express who you are, you’re going to step out into the world not feeling really confident in yourself.

Each morning, ask yourself, “What would my most confident self wear today?” Wear that. Now, we’re going to move into the second part of this salon. We’re going to talk about one of my favorite topics, which is charm. I’m going to talk about what it is and isn’t, and offer you some practical ways to become more charming in your everyday life. When I speak of charm, what I’m really speaking about is charisma. It’s that super power that acts like a magnet to people and opportunities and experiences. Charismatic people possess a certain je ne sais quoi that inspires devotion from others.

Charm and charisma are so illusive that it’s difficult to define, and yet, you know it when you’ve encountered a charming person by how you feel when you’re around him or her. It feels like you’ve fallen a little bit in love within minutes. Maya Angelou said, “I have learned that people will forget what you said. People will forget what you did,



but people will never forget how you made them feel.” While some people naturally seem to possess charisma and charm, it’s also a learned skill.

One of the great benefits of being raised in the south is that we were taught politeness and charm at very young ages, but what I’ve come to realize is that what matters most is the intention behind everything you do. As a kid, I was taught to be charming, but it was out of fear of what would happen if my mother heard me leave out the sir or the ma’am when saying yes. Now, it comes from a very different place of a deep love for people. I think that is a very important note for you to take when it comes to charm.

What I know is that with a little practice, you can also become a woman of charm if you’re not already. I suspect all of you are, but let’s talk about why charm matters. Connie Brockway said, “Charm is getting people to say yes without ever having to ask them a question.” Anyone that deals with people can benefit from learning the art of charm. As it allows you to connect and influence others, the skill will improve your relationships, business, career, and overall wellbeing. Plus, there’s a warmth and inviting atmosphere to charm that makes people feel welcome and cared for.

In this modern day world, people are starving for this kind of connection. A charismatic person is a magnet for opportunities and more abundance. Why is that? Well, remember, everything is energy, and a truly charming person carries a very high

vibration because it’s coming from a place of abundance, curiosity and love. Think about the people who have charm. I had the opportunity to meet Bill Clinton, and even though he is not a woman, he is very, very charming. What I remember about my interaction with him was that for that brief moment, I felt like I was the only person in the room. He gave me his undivided attention.

It was literally for a handshake and, “How are you?” It was just that connection, and you could sense that this is a very charismatic man that has the ability to connect with others really easily. Oprah Winfrey is another person that I consider to be very charming. I think her charm comes from her being so open and vulnerable and yet so confident in who she is. I remember watching an interview from an actor. I can’t remember his name, but he was working on a set with Oprah. He said what he remembers about her is that when they were on set and they were in a conversation, again, he felt like he was the only person in the room with her.

That is a sign of someone who is very charming. What stands between you and charm? Most women spend more time constructing and hiding rather than radiating and shining. To be charming and charismatic commands a lot of attention. If you’re avoiding people seeing the real you because you’re afraid they’ll also see your shortcomings, you’re also avoiding being a woman of charm. The truth is I’ve learned that your weaknesses or your perceived flaws are often what makes you so charming and so magnetic because it makes you a really real woman.

On the other hand, when you stand in your own power and can hold the attention that your charisma will definitely bring and fall in love with engaging with others, you have no choice but to be charming. I want to offer you some practical tips that you can begin to practice in your daily life to bring more charm into your being. The first one is so simple, and yet, we struggle with it so much. That is be authentic. To be someone you’re not to try to gain the affection of others is not charming. It’s manipulative. The most charming people are unapologetically who they are.

Number two, be light. There’s nothing less charming than being around Debbie Downer. Charm possesses a lightness that tells other all is well. Practice being that source of inspiration for others. Number three, find a charm mentor. There is no better way to understand charisma and charm than to watch her in action. Consider someone that you think is charming, perhaps it’s a celebrity or someone at work or just someone that you know. I want to you to take note, “How does she stand, speak? How does she engage with others? How does she listen?”



I promise you by watching someone that exhibits charm, you will have some valuable information that you can begin to implement in your own life. Number four, be passionate. We talked about in the previous salon the fact that passion lives within you. It’s not something you do but who you are. When you bring that beautiful energy into a situation, you are charming. As you embody more passion, you’ll also notice that you begin to notice what lights you up. These are the things that you can easily talk about when you’re in a room full of people.

Regardless of whether your passion is knitting or travel, there is a magnetism about a person who is turned on by life. People are in all of the passionate person because it’s something that is being craved by so many. I’ve never been around the charming person who didn’t possess a sense of living passionately. Number five, turn the camera out. One of the biggest killers of charm is comparison. It’s that feeling of walking into a room and thinking that everyone is judging you. This causes you to shrink and avoid people because you feel separate.

Walking into a room focusing on how you feel, look, and what others are thinking of you is actually the antithesis of charm. I love to use the turn the camera out technique. Meaning, take the focus off of you, and focus on others. Charismatic people walk into a room with a genuine curiosity of others. In a world where people simply desire to be seen and heard, the charming person allows each person to have the spotlight even if it’s just for a brief moment.

Number six, watch your body language. Slumping shoulders, no eye contact, and arms across the chest are signs of a huge wall. Where there is a wall, there is no charm. Practice exuding a warm energy. Shoulders back, looking people in the eyes, and keeping your arms open and possibly a light touch, these are all very charming physical gestures. Number seven, ask questions. I’m often accused of being the woman who always has the most questions at the table, but it’s because I have a genuine curiosity about people and their lives.

Avoid telling people what you think they should do and talking about yourself until the wee hours of the morning, and instead become curious as to why people do what they do. Take the focus off of you and ask questions that encourage people to open up and share their story. Learn to ask thoughtful questions, and you will charm the room. Number eight, zip it and listen. Talking nonstop especially about yourself is more narcissistic than charming. Learn how to really listen to what others are saying.

This may require that you also become comfortable with silence, but I will tell you that charming people know how to listen on a really deep level. It’s not a superficial pretend to listen. It’s really tuning in and noticing what that person is saying. Number nine, offer sincere compliments. If your compliments are not sincere, people will notice. Don’t give compliments expecting one in return. Give them because you’re secure enough in yourself and truly desire that people see their strengths.

Train yourself to see the best in people and praise them for their qualities. Number 10, be present. Nothing is more annoying than speaking to a person and watch their attention stray to their cellphone or to another conversation. That is not charming at all. Train yourself to be fully engaged with whomever you’re speaking with. If you cannot give someone your full attention, politely excuse yourself. Number 11, learn how to mirror. This technique is extremely powerful, and I’m surprised by how few people know how to use it. By learning how to mirror, you instantly establish rapport with people.

In working with horses around energy, I’ve learned the importance of congruence, making sure your words, your tone, and your body language are all in alignment. By mirroring someone, you match their body language. You match their tone and their mannerisms with the person that you’re engaging with. Someone that I’ve seen do this brilliantly again is Bill Clinton. I don’t know if you ever saw the speech where he was down in the south, and he naturally just picked up a southern accent to really get on the same level as the people he was engaging with.

It’s important that you understand that this technique is not about manipulation. It is about creating a connection with people. Number 12, make eye contact. When you look someone in the eyes, you become trustworthy and



more approachable. Practice noticing the color of people’s eyes. Always make eye contact when shaking hands, when toasting, when being introduced to someone, and when engaging in a conversation. Number 13, make a good first impression. Studies have shown that people decide on the closeness of a potential connection within the first 10 minutes of meeting someone.

For this reason, it’s important to use all of the above skills to make a strong first impression. Number 14, have fun. Have you ever noticed that you’re drawn to the person who seems to be having the most fun? The charismatic and charming person has this super power of taking people out of the stressful and oftentimes mundane worlds in which they live. By being passionate, by exuding a lightness and focusing on the positive, you become a woman that others will aspire to. Finally, actually, no, we have two more.

The next one, number 15, is let go of outcomes. Practicing charm is not about getting. It’s about giving, giving of your presence, your time, and your attention. If you try to use charm to manipulate, it will most likely backfire on you, but if you’re using it to practice opening up your heart more to learn more about others and to just have more fun in relationships, you’ll receive the same in return. Finally, one of my personal favorites, number 16, flirt. Flirting is very charming.

Contrary to what many people believe, it’s not about trying to seduce someone into bed. Of course, it can be used for that, but you may get yourself in a little bit of a trouble. Flirting is about playing with life. It’s about seducing everything from the puppy on the street to the baker at your local bakery to the moment that you’re in. It’s about engaging in the play and the sensuality of life. The best flirting tip that I have is actually very simple. It’s this, look a person in the eyes and smile.

Not only is it charming, it’s also a huge sign of self-confidence. It’s stating, “I am happy with myself. I am happy in this world, and I want to share the joie de vivre with you.” Are you ready to practice charm? In this week’s play sheet, I encourage you to look charm and confidence as a practice. It is a skill that is easily learned if you’re willing to practice it on a daily basis. As a modern day icon, I want you to approach it with a sense of play and ease. This isn’t a test. This isn’t about you proving your worth. This is about you becoming the most radiant, powerful, and confident you.

Go out there and be your most charming, confident, and iconic self. I will see you in the next salon. Cheers.

Date post:	30-Jun-2020
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