WHEN HAVE YOU SEEN A SMALL PROBLEM BECOME A BIG PROBLEM? We must trust God when conflict disrupts your relationships. The POINT 3 Confidence During Conflict 68 Session 3 GENESIS 13:5-11,14-18 5 Now Lot, who was moving about with Abram, also had flocks and herds and tents. 6 But the land could not support them while they stayed together, for their possessions were so great that they were not able to stay together. 7 And quarreling arose between Abram’s herders and Lot’s. The Canaanites and Perizzites were also living in the land at that time. 8 So Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. 9 Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the leſt, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the leſt.” 10 Lot looked around and saw that the whole plain of the Jordan toward Zoar was well watered, like the garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt. (This was before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah.) 11 So Lot chose for himself the whole plain of the Jordan and set out toward the east. The two men parted company: 14 The Lord said to Abram aſter Lot had parted from him, “Look around from where you are, to the north and south, to the east and west. 15 All the land that you see I will give to you and your offspring forever. 16 I will make your offspring like the dust of the earth, so that if anyone could count the dust, then your offspring could be counted. 17 Go, walk through the length and breadth of the land, for I am giving it to you.” 18 So Abram went to live near the great trees of Mamre at Hebron, where he pitched his tents. There he built an altar to the Lord.
Transcript
WHEN HAVE YOU SEEN A SMALL PROBLEM BECOME A BIG PROBLEM?
We must trust God when conflict disrupts your relationships.
ThePOINT
3Confidence During Conflict
68 Session 3
GENESIS 13:5-11,14-185 Now Lot, who was moving about with Abram, also had flocks and herds and tents. 6 But the land could not support them while they stayed together, for their possessions were so great that they were not able to stay together. 7 And quarreling arose between Abram’s herders and Lot’s. The Canaanites and Perizzites were also living in the land at that time.
8 So Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. 9 Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.”
10 Lot looked around and saw that the whole plain of the Jordan toward Zoar was well watered, like the garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt. (This was before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah.) 11 So Lot chose for himself the whole plain of the Jordan and set out toward the east. The two men parted company:
14 The Lord said to Abram after Lot had parted from him, “Look around from where you are, to the north and south, to the east and west. 15 All the land that you see I will give to you and your offspring forever. 16 I will make your offspring like the dust of the earth, so that if anyone could count the dust, then your offspring could be counted. 17 Go, walk through the length and breadth of the land, for I am giving it to you.”
18 So Abram went to live near the great trees of Mamre at Hebron, where he pitched his tents. There he built an altar to the Lord.
FOR LEADERS (15 minutes)
THE POINT // WE MUST TRUST GOD WHEN CONFLICT DISRUPTS YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.
LEADER PACK ELEMENTS
If you have the optional Leader Pack, consider the following:
ITEM 9: Consider using the Ronald Reagan Quote Poster to engage students in the session.
Engage Option 1Select three student volunteers to come up front. Ask them to put on a conflict resolution seminar for the group as if they work in an office. Give them props (e.g., marker board, pictures, etc.) to make it entertaining. Say, “Conflicts can happen often in relationships, and we’re called to trust God to help us deal with them.”
Engage Option 2Spread paper and objects throughout the room to make it look messy. Say, “When we experience conflict, our lives can feel messy and difficult. Choosing to trust God in those conflicts can help us to work through them the way He intends.”
Engage Option 3Search the Internet for “and the day goes on.” Play the video as you begin the session. Say, “Life is full of conflicts that are difficult to handle, but we must keep pressing forward while trusting God.”
NOTE: Always make sure you preview any video clip you show students and ensure it is appropriate for your church and ministry.
Message to Leaders
Abram and Lot experienced conflict, and in order to resolve the issues, Abram was very gracious. It’s not uncommon for families to deal with the worst kinds of conflict, and everyone, including the children, experiences terrible consequences when families don’t love one another as God intends. Still, when we are willing to turn to God, He can bring healing to even the worst situations. Resolution is often a long and painful process, but because of God’s power and love, it can happen.
LEVELS OF BIBLICAL LEARNING // FAMILY
When families experience brokenness, such as conflict, abuse, or divorce, God desires to bring healing and unity and to use the broader family of God to minister to hurting families during difficult times.
Bible Studies for Life 69
THE BIBLE MEETS LIFETHE POINT // WE MUST TRUST GOD WHEN CONFLICT DISRUPTS YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.
Abram and Lot had returned from Egypt wealthier than when they had left, but their excessive wealth caused problems. They could not remain together because the land would not support them both. Abram graciously chose to avoid conflict by suggesting that Lot take his possessions and leave, but he allowed Lot to decide which land would be his. Lot’s choice would lead to his demise, and Abram would call on the Lord and receive new and wonderful promises.
THE SETTING
We all want a life that’s smooth and comfortable, yet it rarely works out that way.
We want to make good grades, but homework is a grind and memorizing material for tests can be agonizing.
We really do want to please our parents, but they just won’t let us do the things we want to do.
We want to get along with our friends, but they can be so selfish and say such hurtful things.
Though we want life to be peaceful, the truth is that we will face tension and conflict almost all the time. Sometimes, it will be with the world and others, but it could also be more internal.
What really matters, though, is how we manage the tensions in our lives. Though we can’t escape it, we can manage it well. Abram faced relational conflict, and the ways he handled it serve as a great example of how we can handle our own conflicts.
FACT:Chimpanzees, after a squabble, actually make sure to be physically close, engaging in grooming and other forms of contact. They know that to survive, they must resolve their conflicts quickly.1
70 Session 3
GENESIS 13:5-8Now Lot, who was moving about with Abram, also had flocks and herds and tents. But the land could not support them while they stayed together, for their possessions were so great that they were not able to stay together. And quarreling arose between Abram’s herders and Lot’s. The Canaanites and Perizzites were also living in the land at that time. So Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. GENESIS 13:5-8
As we saw in our last session, Abram displayed a lack of trust when he took his family to Egypt. Even so, God allowed Abram to acquire more wealth and property during that journey (Gen. 12:16). And his nephew Lot apparently did too.
Their collective wealth made traveling together extremely difficult. This created tension between Abram and Lot’s herdsmen. The tension was heating up, and as leader of the large assembly, Abram had a choice: he could ignore the conflict, or he could confront it. Abram made the right choice and addressed the tension. Abram didn’t run from the conflict. He had the courage to face it head on, and at the center of his thinking was his relationship with Lot (Gen 13:8).
Anytime conflict arises in our relationships we face the same decision. Do we ignore the issue or confront it? As Christians, we are to make “every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:3). We can’t control the attitudes and actions of others, but we are certainly responsible for ourselves. When there is conflict, we must ask ourselves, “Am I doing my part to maintain peace and resolve any conflict?” And we must do all we can to bring reconciliation.
That’s what Abram did with Lot. They talked, and Abram confronted the issue. When done well—with honesty, humility, and a heart to hear others’ perspectives—addressing a conflict can show others that we care.
The alternative approach of ignoring the issue does not solve anything. In fact, by ignoring even small issues, we allow them to fester and grow. At times, the right choice may be to excuse the small ways others might offend us. But more often than not, a kind and patient conversation is a better choice. We may be tempted to think we are making a big deal out of nothing, but if there is conflict, we must address it before it does become a big deal. Abram modeled that for us in his relationship with Lot.
THE POINT // WE MUST TRUST GOD WHEN CONFLICT DISRUPTS YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.
IMPART (30 minutes)
DAILY DISCIPLESHIP GUIDE (P. 72)
1 What are some common causes of conflict or tension in our world?
2 What are potential consequences of choosing to ignore conflict instead of addressing it?
Bible Studies for Life 71
IMPART
God’s timing isn’t always in line with our schedules. #BSFLConfidence
THE POINT // WE MUST TRUST GOD WHEN CONFLICT DISRUPTS YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.
GENESIS 13:9-11Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.” Lot looked around and saw that the whole plain of the Jordan toward Zoar was well watered, like the garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt. (This was before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah.) So Lot chose for himself the whole plain of the Jordan and set out toward the east. The two men parted company … GENESIS 13:9-11
A lot of times, when we have disagreements with others, we simply want to “win.” This wasn’t Abram’s approach at all. The issue isn’t so much who’s right or wrong, but about bringing reconciliation to the relationship. In order to make things right, we must be willing to put others first.
Abram demonstrated the importance of putting others before ourselves by allowing Lot to pick first. Paul later spelled out this principle in his letter to the Philippians: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Phil. 2:3-4). We might know this is true, but let’s be honest, living it out isn’t always easy. No matter how difficult it may be, we must be humble and put others first. A humble attitude does not dismiss or ignore others’ wrongs. But it does require that we are willing to forgive.
Consider the position Abram was in—God had given the land to him! Abram did not have to make Lot such an offer. Abram could have chosen the best parts and given Lot the worst. He could have given Lot nothing at all. He could have told Lot to get his quarreling herdsmen off his property. But as an act of generosity, Abram allowed Lot the freedom to choose.
As humble as Abram was, Jesus (Abram’s descendant) was an even greater model of humility. Jesus willingly laid down His life for us, taking the death we deserve as His own. As Jesus’ followers, we are to follow His example, living generously and sacrificially that others would be reconciled to God. We must recognize that it’s possible to live in humility only when we remain in Christ, living by the power of the Spirit. Then we’ll find it’s possible to avoid many conflicts. But when we do face conflict, we seek forgiveness and reconciliation. Most importantly, when we live humbly as Jesus did, God will use us to see the lost restored to a relationship with God.
DAILY DISCIPLESHIP GUIDE (P. 73)
3 Why is it sometimes difficult to respond to conflict with humility?
4 What do you appreciate about the way Abram resolved his differences with Lot?
5 What makes placing others’ needs before our own so challenging?
72 Session 3
IMPARTTHE POINT // WE MUST TRUST GOD WHEN CONFLICT DISRUPTS YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.
GENESIS 13:14-18The Lord said to Abram after Lot had parted from him, “Look around from where you are, to the north and south, to the east and west. All the land that you see I will give to you and your offspring forever. I will make your offspring like the dust of the earth, so that if anyone could count the dust, then your offspring could be counted. Go, walk through the length and breadth of the land, for I am giving it to you.” So Abram went to live near the great trees of Mamre at Hebron, where he pitched his tents. There he built an altar to the Lord. GENESIS 13:14-18
Though Abram had generously given Lot the opportunity to choose the land he wanted, tragically, Lot made a poor decision. He may have thought he was getting the better land (Gen. 13:10), but the decision moved Lot away from his uncle, whom God had blessed, and into a place of compromise. Notice Lot’s downward progression:
He chose land that was outside the promised land. He set up his tent near Sodom (v. 12). Later, we find him living in Sodom (14:12). Finally, we see him sitting in Sodom’s gateway among the city leaders (19:1).
Lot eventually moved from being connected with Abram, who was blessed by God, to being counted among the leaders in a wicked city. Abram, however, remained devoted to God, and God reaffirmed His promise to Abram. He told Abram to open his eyes and look in every direction. All the land, as far as he could see, would be given to Abram and his descendants. Even though the land was still in the hands of the Canaanites and Sarai had not yet conceived, nothing had changed in regard to God’s promise. Setting aside our own human viewpoint to see things from God’s perspective can be difficult, especially when things seem to be so far out of reach and a solution seems unimaginable. Thankfully, Jesus has said that, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matt. 19:26).
God keeps His word to us, but His timing isn’t always in line with our schedules. When we feel let down or things don’t go as planned, the last thing we should do is shut down, close our eyes, and exclude God. Instead, we should do what God told Abram to do: Look. Look around. Look up. God is still there, and He will not abandon His people or His promises.
Abram responded by moving his tent to Hebron, where he built another altar—a place of worship. Scripture doesn’t record specifically the things Abram said or prayed as he worshiped, but it makes sense that he would have reflected on his recent experiences, thanking God for His faithfulness, even when Abraham struggled to see how the promises would become reality.
We, too, are to make sure that even when we face struggles and uncertainties, we devote ourselves to worshiping God, waiting humbly for God to work according to His plan. A continual attitude of worship and prayer keeps us connected with Christ and gives us confidence in the midst of conflict.
DAILY DISCIPLESHIP GUIDE (P. 73)
6 When has God proven to you that He will take care of you?
7 How can we approach conflict in a godly way?
8 What does this passage teach us about God’s promises in our lives?
Bible Studies for Life 73
CHRIST
LIVE IT OUT (10 minutes)
At times, our pride and selfishness will cause us to experience tension, conflict, or distance in our relationship with Christ.
9 When have you experienced these things? What specifically caused it?
10 How will you demonstrate humility in order to grow closer in your relationship with Jesus this week?
THE POINT // WE MUST TRUST GOD WHEN CONFLICT DISRUPTS YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.
GOD
JESUS
HOLY SPIRIT
BIBLE
SALVATION
CREATION
CHURCH
PEOPLE
FAMILY
COMMUNITY & WORLD
LEVELS OF BIBLICAL LEARNING // FAMILYWhen families experience brokenness, such as conflict, abuse, or divorce, God desires to bring healing and unity and to use the broader family of God to minister to hurting families during difficult times.
Abram and Lot experienced conflict, and in order to resolve the issues, Abram was very gracious. It’s not uncommon for families to deal with the worst kinds of conflict, and everyone, including the children, experiences terrible consequences when families don’t love one another as God intends. Still, when we are willing to turn to God, He can bring healing to even the worst situations. Resolution is often a long and painful process, but because of God’s power and love, it can happen.
74 Session 3
COMMUNITY
CULTURE
LIVE IT OUT
Even though Christians are called to live at peace with one another, because of our sin, we will experience conflict. And the ways we respond are incredibly important. We should respond with grace and forgiveness.
11 Where are you experiencing conflict?
12 What steps will you take to make things right?
Because our world doesn’t value the things of God, we will live in conflict with our world. However, we should never compromise when it comes to issues of sin. We can’t love both the world and God.
13 Where are you experiencing conflict with the world’s values?
14 How does this tempt you to sin?
Share with an unsaved friend this week why you can never make compromises in matters of faith.
THE POINT // WE MUST TRUST GOD WHEN CONFLICT DISRUPTS YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. THE POINT // WE MUST TRUST GOD WHEN CONFLICT DISRUPTS YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.
