Conflict is . . .

any situation

in which your

concerns or desires

differ from those of

another person

What kinds of conflicts do you see in AID/your office?

With your table group, identify other examples in the office where people can have different concerns and/or desires which can cause conflicts.

What individuals tend to differ about…

Values-different beliefs

Objectives-What is to be done

Methods-How something is to be done

Facts-different perception of data

Which of the above categories of conflict has the potential of creating the strongest emotions and is the hardest to resolve?

What happens when conflicts are not dealt with effectively?

At your tables identify some of the results of poorly managed conflict between people at work?

Results of Good and Poor Management of ConflictGood Management

Direct conversation between the parties moves toward resolutionIssues are “dealt with”Minimum of negative feelings are generatedWork team functions after the conflictAgreements are met—parties do what they sayTrust is higher as a result of dealing with each other in a successful manner

Poor ManagementIndirect conversations with others, not with the persons directly involvedIf conversation does occur, issues are unresolved or go unrecognized—all issues not dealt with clearlyLeftover feelings of anger, fear, desire for revengePeople in isolated “camps”—taking sides, lots of energy is wastedPeople say one thing, do anotherTrust decreases

Two basic aspects of all Conflict-handling modes

Ass

ert

iven

ess

cooperativeness

The Five Conflict-Handling Modes

From Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument by K. W. Thomas and R. H. Kilmann, 1974, 2000. Palo Alto, CA: Xicom, Incorporated, subsidiary of CPP, Inc. Copyright 1974, 2000 by CPP, Inc. Used with permission.

Predict your scores

Which mode do you think you use the most?

Which one do you think you use the least?

From Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument by K. W. Thomas and R. H. Kilmann, 1974, 2000. Palo Alto, CA: Xicom, Incorporated, subsidiary of CPP, Inc. Copyright 1974, 2000 by CPP, Inc. Used with permission.

From Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument by K. W. Thomas and R. H. Kilmann, 1974, 2000. Palo Alto, CA: Xicom, Incorporated, subsidiary of CPP, Inc. Copyright 1974, 2000 by CPP, Inc. Used with permission.

Competing

Taking quick action

Making unpopular decisions

Standing up for vital issues

Protecting yourself

“My way or the highway”

Competing Skills

Arguing or debating

Using rank, position, or influence

Asserting your opinions and feelings

Standing your ground

Stating your position clearly

Accommodating

Showing reasonableness

Developing performance

Creating goodwill

Keeping “peace”

Retreating

Maintaining perspective

“It would be my pleasure”

Accommodating Skills

Forgoing your desires

Selflessness

Obedience

Ability to yield

Avoiding

Leaving unimportant issues alone

Reducing tensions

Buying time

Knowing your limitations

Allowing others ownership

Recognizing issues as symptoms

“I’ll think about it tomorrow”

Avoiding Skills

Withdrawing

Sidestepping

Sense of timing

Ability to leave things unresolved

Collaborating

Integrating solutions

Learning

Merging perspectives

Gaining commitment

Improving relationships

“Two heads are better than one”

Collaborating Skills

Ability to listen, understand, and

empathize

Non-threatening confrontation

Input analysis

Identifying underlying concerns

Compromising

Resolving issues of moderate importanceReaching resolution with equal power and strong commitmentCreating temporary solutionsDealing with time constraintsBacking up competing/ collaborating

“Let’s make a deal”

Compromising Skills

Negotiating

Finding a “middle ground”

Making concessions

Assessing value

Assertiveness Skills

Stating clearly what you need and want, using disclosing to tell others what you are feeling.Being careful to depersonalize the issue(s)—reminding yourself that the other person is not out to “get you!” Organizing your thoughts and presenting your understanding of the issue, the facts, your analysis of what has happened and putting forth solutions for the other’s consideration. Thinking about what the other person(s) interests are, being prepared to say why you think your solution is the best. Being prepared to repeat your proposed solution and the reasons why—several times if necessary.

Cooperativeness Skills

Actively listening to the other with empathy—imagining “yourself in the other person’s shoes”—seeing the conflict from his/her perspective.Repeating in your own words his/her perspective and feelings.Inquiring—asking open ended question to surface more information about the issue in the spirit of trying to better understand each other’s perspective about the conflict.Acknowledge your own feelings-disclose your concerns, fears, etc. Show your willingness to explore other solutions, look for ways to “give” freely, places to say “I’ll cooperate” or “I agree with you”, come up with alternative solutions.

Practice Cooperativeness

Your supervisor wants you to work more overtime this weekend in order to get the glitches out of a new system the mission is installing. Your spouse feels like you already work too much and she wants you to spend more time with the family this weekend—it’s a special time because relatives are coming to visit and you are looking forward to their visit.

Practice Assertiveness

The Democracy and Governance team leader is leaving. The mission director is unsure about naming a FSN as the new team leader. He is concerned that other staff won’t follow a FSN team leader’s direction, that the ADS won’t allow it, and the ministry counterparts would see it as a downgrading of their relationship with the mission. You are a senior FSN on the Democracy and Governance team and you think it’s time for the director to appoint a FSN as a Team Leader. The weekly staff meeting has just ended and you have asked for a meeting with the mission director to discuss your concern. The meeting is beginning.

Collaborativeness Skills

Before the meeting or conversationBe clear in your own mind what you need/want and are feeling

Anticipate what the other is needing/wanting/feeling

Identify where there is potential common ground and interests

Collaborativeness continued…

During the meetingTell the other person that you want to collaborate – state it at the beginningDescribe what you think is potential common State incentives for resolving this conflict with a collaborative approachPut forth your win/win proposals—ask for his/hersDisclose --Be open about your own feelingsBack up proposals with three reasons why you think your proposal will satisfy both of you. Avoid "irritators"Inquire-ask open-ended, trustful questionsAcknowledge the other’s needs by paraphrasing and summarizingExplore alternatives If situation prevents collaboration (e.g. tension becomes too high, disengage and plan to re-engagePay attention to when you both seem to be saying the same thing—moving toward a win/win solutionCheck for agreement, summarize, and ask if the other is agreeingAgree and note any decisions or tasks that each of you need to do to move toward closure. Recognize your hard work and express appreciation for the conversation! Check in later with each other—ensure that agreements are being kept.

Practice

Straight Talk-The Art of Assertiveness

Day Two Reflections

Turn to page 22What has been the most interesting for you today?What can you use from today that would help you be more comfortable and perhaps more successful in dealing with conflict?How might you benefit by more effectively dealing with conflict as it arises in your work and in your life?