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A 30-Day Plan

to Get Noticed,

Get Promoted,

and Get Ahead

A 30-Day Plan

to Get Noticed,

Get Promoted,

and Get Ahead

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Praise for

T H E A RT O F B U S I N E S S S E D U C T I O N

“Mark Jeffries’s unique communication approach has great value in the business world. Simple, usable, and effective ideas!”

—Robin Ashbrook, Vice President, Reveille Productions

“These are methods that just work! Mark Jeffries has captured smart techniques that are an essential part of business success.”

—Alison Masters, Group Director, Central Marketing, Microsoft

“Being successful in life is all about grabbing an opportunity and running with it. The Art of Business Seduction clearly shows you how.

This is a must-buy book!”

—Mel Robbins, syndicated radio host

“This is the ultimate guide to success! I am going to encourage my whole team to read this book!”

—Michael Holtz, CEO, smartfl yer

Become a

MASTER OF BUSINESS

SEDUCTION in just

30 DAYS

In business, you need an edge. In every business situation—to get that job, get that promotion,

lead that negotiation, make that sale—you need to win people over. In highly competitive situa-tions, you need to stand out, get noticed, and be remembered. The Art of Business Seduction gives you the edge you need.

This is a concise personal success plan that teach-es you how to make the smart moves and say the right things to succeed in any business setting. As the “Business Seducer,” Mark Jeffries utilizes the raw power of seduction to provide you with a proven system for becoming a Master of Business Seduction, giving you the tools to size up any busi-ness situation, think and act on your feet, and get exactly what you want.

After only thirty days of using the author’s straight-forward L-WAR (Listen, Watch, Anticipate, React) approach, you’ll be able to:

■ Translate the subtle clues in the voice, body language, and handshake of whoever you’re engaging

■ Maximize the persuasiveness of what you say and how you say it

■ Use networking secrets to seize opportunities and beat your competitors

■ Hone your “elevator pitch”■ Deploy your Personal Brand■ And more!

So much in business success depends on fi rst impressions, personal interactions, and other intangible aspects of your behavior. Embrace this important skill-set, develop your abilities, and remove those habits that work against you. Get The Art of Business Seduction and give yourself the tools to attract and win people over, so you can enjoy breakthrough results in business and life.

MARK JEFFRIES is a trusted advisor and communications consultant to the world’s largest and most successful corporations, agencies, and accounting and law fi rms. As a keynote speaker and executive coach, Mark has built a business addressing professional conferences around the world and coaching top business executives, lawyers, and politicians. His leading clients include Ernst & Young, Microsoft, IBM, Boeing, Royal Bank of Canada, HSBC, and McDonald’s. As a leader in the fi elds of strategic communication, infl uence, and soft skills, Mark’s advice is widely sought in the corporate world as well as on TV and radio.

Visit www.markjeffries.com

ISBN: 978-0-470-59618-0

$22.95 USA/$27.95 CAN

Author Photograph: Chris Macke

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The

ARTof

BUSINESSSEDUCTION

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The

ARTof

BUSINESSSEDUCTION

M A R K J E F F R I E S

John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

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Copyright C© 2010 by Mark Jeffries. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.Published simultaneously in Canada.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, ortransmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 ofthe 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission ofthe Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee tothe Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923,(978) 750-8400, fax (978) 646-8600, or on the web at www.copyright.com. Requeststo the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department,John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, (201) 748-6011, fax(201) 748-6008, or online at http://www.wiley.com/go/permissions.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have usedtheir best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warrantieswith respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book andspecifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for aparticular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representativesor written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not besuitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional whereappropriate. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit orany other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental,consequential, or other damages.

For general information on our other products and services or for technical support,please contact our Customer Care Department within the United States at (800)762-2974, outside the United States at (317) 572-3993 or fax (317) 572-4002.

Wiley also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content thatappears in print may not be available in electronic books. For more informationabout Wiley products, visit our web site at www.wiley.com.

ISBN 978-0-470-59618-0 (cloth)ISBN 978-0-470-64304-4 (ebk)ISBN 978-0-470-64305-1 (ebk)ISBN 978-0-470-64306-8 (ebk)

Printed in the United States of America.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

http://www.wiley.com/go/permissions

http://www.copyright.com

http://www.wiley.com

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Contents

Acknowledgments vii

Introduction 1

Chapter 1 30-Day Master Seduction Plan Overview 11

Chapter 2 The L-WAR and Soft Skills Mindset:

Using Innovative Tools to Become a

Master of Business Seduction 23

Chapter 3 Listen 35

Chapter 4 Watching 53

Chapter 5 Anticipate and React 71

Chapter 6 Voice—Tone, Melody, Control, and the

Words You Speak 99

Chapter 7 Networking Secrets 109

Chapter 8 The Elevator Pitch—Going Up 155

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CONTENTS

Chapter 9 Techniquette—The Etiquette

of Technology 167

Chapter 10 Image 179

Chapter 11 Seduction Maintenance: Continuing to

Seduce . . . The L-WAR Journey Never Ends 191

Index 201

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Acknowledgments

First—Advice For Living—a smart and sharp team constantlyintroducing ideas, challenge, and humor and always keeping meon my toes.

Dan Ambrosio for spotting the potential of the title and trust-ing us to deliver a book worthy of the Wiley Publishing Empire!

My fabulous kids, Ollie and Hannah, who add so muchcomedy, love, and endless examples of core communication.

My beautiful wife, Karen, who is always there for me with somuch love and support.

And my wonderful clients, who trust me to stand up in frontof their people and customers at events all over the world—anexperience that keeps me learning, motivated, and brimmingwith new concepts.

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Introduction

“Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me.”In this famous scene from the movie The Graduate,

Dustin Hoffman’s character knows all too well the power ofseduction—yet he stands there unable to resist. As in that iconicscene, seduction commonly refers to romantically luring an-other into the bedroom.

But in a much broader sense, seduction can simply be aboutwinning over other people, attracting them, and enticing them.

We all have a memory of being seduced by the charms ofanother. From grade school until now it is hard to resist someonewho knows the exact right things to say and do.

I now know these things. And I will teach them to you.Imagine having that same power in a business setting. A world

where your boss, clients, and co-workers all admire you, respectyou, and are desperate to be around you and help you get whatyou want.

There is no more powerful information you need to put touse in your career. By reading my book and educating yourselfin the Art of Business Seduction you will own that power andput it to use to get you exactly what you want.

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INTRODUCTION

In today’s ultracompetitive business environment, it’s imper-ative that you have enough firepower in your arsenal to comeout ahead in any situation—especially in business. Understand-ing the powers of seduction will give you the edge you need.Whether it’s persuading a ticketing agent to bump you up tofirst class on a cross-country flight when traveling to the othercoast to meet clients, negotiating a greater salary increase duringyour annual review, talking the hostess at the hottest restaurantin town into giving you the corner table when you don’t havea reservation, or scoring a date with the best-looking man orwoman in the room even though that person is clearly out ofyour league, if you’ve had any luck under any such circum-stances, it’s undoubtedly because you were able to use yourcharms to seduce an unsuspecting party. But if you’ve beenstonewalled by the ticket agent, your boss, the hostess, or evenworse, the attractive man or woman, then your powers of seduc-tion need some fine-tuning; or perhaps need to be brought tolife. Don’t be alarmed. This isn’t a case of being unable to teachan old dog new tricks—fortunately, anyone can master the art ofseduction.

The key to being a successful seducer is understanding yourtarget audience and giving them exactly what they want. Ifthis sounds insincere, it’s not meant to be. Yes, seduction ispart performance but this does not mean your actions shouldnot be genuine. As far as I’m concerned, performance simplymeans demonstrating behavior that’s appropriate for a specificsituation—and if this behavior results in a pay raise, job or con-tract, or indeed an upgrade, a reservation, or a date, you tell mewhat’s wrong with that. After all, isn’t the goal of any business(or social) interaction to get what you want; and better yet, getwhat you deserve?

Still, most people do not appreciate that seduction can bea valuable tool in helping them achieve success in business.

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Introduction

However, you are going to need more than a bit of charm anda wide-eyed and open-minded philosophy to master businessseduction. You must be willing to change your behavior andyour attitude while undergoing the 30-day success makeoverthis book prescribes. By following the lessons in this book, youwill become a master of seduction in just 30 days. It’s a gen-erally accepted scientific fact that if you incorporate behavioralchanges into your life for 30 consecutive days, then these changeswill become inculcated into your lifestyle and in turn becomepart of your routine. Day by day and week by week, this bookwill map out a game plan for making you a master of seduction.This book is both a practical guide to achieving success and ablueprint to living the life of your dreams.

This 30-day program will help you develop a sixth sense. (No,you won’t see dead people!) You will see things before they startto happen—allowing you to think quickly on your feet and reactaccordingly. You will not only become a master of seduction, butyou will also become a master of playing hunches. More to thepoint, you’ll learn to trust your gut more and more. Just as anexperienced parent knows his or her child is sick before the firstsymptoms appear, or a longtime driving instructor anticipateshis student is about to hit the curb when trying to parallel park,or a poker pro knows when to fold his hand even though he isholding a pair of Aces, as soon as you learn the lessons of businessseduction you’ll become adept at playing your hunches. Uponjoining a business crowd in a social situation, you’ll be able toimmediately read and assess the dynamics of what’s going onand your newly honed instincts will kick in, enabling you tobegin the process of seducing your target.

In the book Outliers, author Malcolm Gladwell determinedthat if you practice a certain craft (playing violin or chess, forexample) for more than 10,000 hours during the course of yourlifetime, you will become a world-class expert. The beauty of this

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INTRODUCTION

book is that it will make you a world-class expert at businessseduction in much less time than 10,000 hours. Upon commit-ting to the L-WAR program, you will learn to process informa-tion in a different light. You will soon come to understand thevaluable insights you can garner from the sound of someone’svoice or the way he makes eye contact or shakes your hand uponintroduction or from the clothes on his back. Bits of data likethese might seem insignificant if viewed on their own, but whenlooked at as parts of a whole, they are like chapters in a novel,with each helping tell a richer and more truthful story. Think ofthese details as clues, and like a detective when you piece them alltogether, you’ll see how they will help reveal how an individualis truly feeling and provide you with the opportunity to tailorhow you act for this specific interaction. As you go through the30-day behavior modification process, I promise you’ll becomeso adept at reading and understanding others that all guessworkwill vanish from the equation and soon you’ll immediately beable to make spot-on and split-second judgments on how toattack any situation. There will no longer be pausing on yourend or time for consideration. You’ll confidently let your newlyhoned instincts lead the way to success.

Presently, the world of business is a tumultuous and scarymess; and succeeding in business has never been more difficult.Many believe that this economic climate rivals that of the GreatDepression and I appreciate that it can be a difficult choiceto concentrate on seducing when so many people are simplyconcentrating on surviving. That’s why today, more than ever,you need an edge—something that gives you a leg up on thecompetition. My 30-day makeover will give you just that edge.Massive layoffs have left fewer jobs available and an incrediblydeep talent pool competing for those limited opportunities. It’sa buyer’s market, and employers are fully aware of this fact.Sometimes, the only way to beat the competition is to impress

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Introduction

the person interviewing you in the first few seconds of yourmeeting before your resume becomes the center of the conver-sation and experience and qualifications ever come in to play.This is just one example in which business seduction can andwill set you apart. And once you get the job, keeping the job isyour next battle. It’s no secret; you have to sell yourself everyday. The lessons you’ll learn from this book will train you howto get noticed for the right reasons by the right people. But evenif you’re not in business, the beauty of this book is that it lendsitself to all aspects of your life. From romantic relationships tofamily squabbles to social encounters, this book shows you howto navigate through the most difficult and awkward situations.Whether it’s business or pleasure, if it involves interacting withother individuals, you need to commit to learning the lessonsin this book so that you always get your message across in themost convincing manner possible.

The art of business seduction frees you to effortlessly con-nect with and influence others so that they not only come tobelieve they want you and the services you offer, but even moreimpressive, they’ll believe they need you for their own success.Let’s be honest, everybody wants something. And the path tosuccess lies in delivering to a variety of people under a varietyof circumstances what it is they want. At the same time, andwithout them being any the wiser, business seduction allowsyou to convince these people that you are the person they wantto hire or the person they want to do business with, and oncethey come to this realization, they believe all their problems willbe solved.

Easier said than done, you are probably thinking. Well, thegood news is, anyone can become a master of business se-duction. All you need to do is implement my surefire four-step process—L-WAR (Listen, Watch, Anticipate, React)—for30 days while also concentrating on fine-tuning your strategic

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INTRODUCTION

communication and soft skills. If you’re shaking your head inconfusion, let me first explain L-WAR step by step.

Step 1. Listen: It’s not about what you have to say; rather, it’sabout using what the other person has to say in order to get whatyou want. Listening is not just hearing the words that come outof someone’s mouth; listening is also being able to understandwhat those words mean. It’s essential that when listening, youalso take time to consider whether what someone says is actuallycode for something else. So, to be a great listener you also needto be an astute interpreter. For example: Your wife says I wish thekitchen weren’t such a mess. This sounds like a simple declarativestatement. But what your wife is really saying is, “Please cleanup the kitchen for me.” Listen to what people have to say, butmore importantly, listen to what they mean.

Step 2. Watch: Your audience can say whatever they like withtheir mouths; but their unspoken language—what they say withtheir eyes, hands, and bodies—will provide you with a wealthof valuable knowledge. Unfortunately, this kind of feedbackslips past most other people. If the person you are speakingwith blinks a lot, she is likely nervous; if her eyes go up beforeanswering a question, it indicates a lack of knowledge; and if hereyes look down before speaking, it can indicate someone whois lying or feels unworthy of the interaction. When it comes toyour audience, their actions speak louder than their words—sowatch and learn.

Step 3. Anticipate: Being able to foresee a problem or challengebefore it presents itself is the sign of a sharp thinker and a personwho can be trusted to help work through a challenge. Familiaritywith a subject, process, or company helps you anticipate prob-lems that might arise and offer quick-thinking solutions that cansave the day. In learning how to skillfully anticipate, one helpfulhint is to try putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and seeingthe world through his eyes. Ask yourself what would you want

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Introduction

to hear or how would you like to be treated, if your roles werereversed? This different perspective will alter and broaden yourapproach when communicating with this person and allow youto see things more clearly and stay ahead of the curve.

Step 4. React: This is the culmination of the three previoussteps and proof that you not only recognize what someonewants, but can give it to her. In a meeting, if you see your audiencesit forward, keep going—they like what they are hearing. Ifthey lean back, change course—they have lost interest. Noddingregularly might not mean they agree, but rather that they aresimply happy for you to go on. If they keep checking theirwristwatch, make your point and wrap it up. Time is importantto these people and they have other meetings and business theyneed to tend to. By being aware of these subtle clues that oftengo unrecognized, you’ll change the course of your relationshipwith this person so that you always have the upper hand.

When you decide to undertake this success makeover, think ofyourself as a state-of-the-art computer monitoring every aspectof someone’s communication process. You will no longer justlisten to what someone says, but you will watch, read, interpret,contextualize, and then adapt and react to what the situationcalls for. You should be constantly asking yourself as you observeother people: If I was that person, what would I want to see andhear? As the 30 days unfold, your eyes will become open to aworld of communication that had more than likely previouslygone unnoticed. But using this new wealth of information willallow you to seduce your target audience into both wantingto do business with you, and their believing they need youto be in business with them. By following the L-WAR mandateyou’ll become an expert at decision making. When you correctlydeploy the lessons and techniques found in this book, your mindwill begin to think in a certain way and upon each and everyencounter, whether business or pleasure, you’ll process all the

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INTRODUCTION

available information, follow your hunches and instincts, andthen act accordingly every time. And the beauty of the program isthat you won’t have to invest the 10,000 hours Malcolm Gladwellsuggests to become an expert—you’ll see the results in just30 days (which is less than 1,000 hours!).

Think of the four steps (L-WAR) as the engines of yoursuccess. These engines need fuel, and this is where soft skillscome in. Soft skills are strategic communication techniques thatcomplement your hard skills—which are specific abilities andqualifications that allow you to practice your profession. For asoftware developer, a hard skill is the ability to write code; for anaccountant, it’s an aptitude for numbers; and for a lawyer, it’sthe knowledge of law and the ability to argue a case. If you thinkof your life as a meal, hard skills are the meat and potatoes. Softskills, on the other hand, are the sauce that enriches what’s onthe plate by adding a variety of flavors, spice, and sweetness—theotherwise key component in turning an ordinary meal into anextraordinary dining experience.

Soft skills energize business seduction and can be applied tothe way you dress and your personal style. Soft skills consist ofeverything from how you enter a room to how you shake hands.It’s networking, but much more than collecting business cardsor connecting to others on LinkedIn. Most important, soft skillshelp introduce your promise and potential that help elevate youabove the crowd. Effectively implementing this variety of softskills allows you to control what you have to offer, and moreimportantly, how others perceive you. Every scenario allows fora different variety of seduction.

In front of a CEO, you’ll want to appear confident, competent,and in control. In front of a new client, you are inspirationaland motivating—helping them visualize how you can help.

Remember: Your confidence inspires their confidence.

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Introduction

How do I know this? Well, not only do I talk the talk, I walkthe walk. I guess the million-dollar question is how did I givemyself a success makeover and become a master of the art ofseduction? It’s simple: I failed at a lot of things first. And indoing so, I learned that failure is not the end of a road, but just abend in it. Failure is a crucial part of our learning curve, but thesting of rejection can also point us in a more fruitful direction.As I struggled through the early part of my career, I began to seea pattern as I watched some colleagues succeed and others fail.Not only did the winners individually excel in their hard skills,they all applied the same collection of behaviors, attitudes, andapproaches that gave them an edge on the rest of us. They alllistened, watched, anticipated, and reacted their way up the cor-porate ladder. At first, these observations seemed abstract, butslowly, and over time, I recognized the commonalities shared bymy peers and I began to formulate my own ideas concerning softskills and seduction. When the light bulb finally went off overmy head, I couldn’t believe many of these common sense prac-tices had escaped me for so many years. Once I made changesto my approach at work and implemented the same practicesmy more successful colleagues used, success was soon mine andthis one-time stock broker quickly became a highly in-demandspeaker and an expert on strategic communications and softskills. After years of struggles and many ups and downs, successwas finally mine. And the same can, and will, happen to you injust 30 days if you adopt the plan I lay out for you in this book.Have you ever found yourself sitting at your desk, staring out thewindow of your office contemplating your career trajectory? Orbetter yet, and perhaps more than likely, have you found your-self staring at the walls of your cubicle wondering just whereyou should be (and how you’ve arrived) at this point in yourlife? If so, this book will prove that you have far greater control

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INTRODUCTION

over your destiny than you ever imagined and the success youso rightfully crave is only 30 short days away. So, if you are readyand willing to put in 30 days of hard work, you’ll be rewardedwith a lifetime of happiness and success. This is a trade-off that’sjust too good to pass up. This is the truth, I promise. I’m nottrying to seduce you. Okay, maybe a little. But if you don’t readthis book, you’ll never know.

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1

30-Day MasterSeduction

Plan Overview

You must be willing to make major behavioral changes wheninteracting with other people in order to become a master se-ducer. Not only that, but these changes must become part ofyour everyday routine. I know old habits die hard, but commit-ting wholeheartedly to making the changes in this 30-day planis not only the first step in your makeover, it is the most crucialstep in reinventing your business personality. You’ll immedi-ately learn the benefits of tempering your natural instincts tospeak first—no longer will you always try to get in the first word.You will now approach each encounter with an open mind anda closed mouth—taking your time to assess and observe thesituation and reacting to what you are able to take in during thisdiscovery phase. More specific, you will alter your approach inbusiness encounters so that you first and foremost act as a virtualsounding board absorbing the stream of clues, body language,

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