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Gerry Murray CONVERSATIONS THAT MAKE A DIFFERENCE
Gerry Murray
CONVERSATIONS THAT MAKE A DIFFERENCE
–Lao Tzu
“Knowing others is intelligence, knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength, mastering yourself is true power.”
Working with individuals and teams who want to be more productive and effective so they can perform at their best.
OVERVIEW
1. Challenges
2. The BIG Idea
3. Next Steps
CONVERSATIONAL CHALLENGES• Team Dynamics
• Perception & Unconscious Bias
• Understood vs Misunderstood
• Negative Anchors
• Lack of Alignment
• Remote Working
• Elephants
OVERVIEW
1. Challenges
2. The BIG Idea
3. Next Steps
3 ESSENTIAL INGREDIENTS
Awareness
Task FocusRelationship Focus
Be Nice Follow the Rules
Delivering Results
Versatility
Awareness
Mindset
–Malcolm Gladwell
“That’s your responsibility as a person, as a human being - to constantly be updating your positions on as many things as possible. And if you don’t contradict yourself on a regular basis, then you’re not thinking.”
CONVERSATIONS THAT MAKE A DIFFERENCEAre inclusive, multi-directional, dynamic, co-
created. People speak as equals (even in a hierarchy). All people have the right to be truly listened to
Underline the importance of real two-way dialogue
Are engaged in with positive intention. There is a basis of mutual respect and trust
Allow open & safe sharing of diverse views, facts, interpretations and feelings to co-create both common understanding & shared meaning
Openness, honesty and directness and depend on the manager’s authenticity
People connect mentally and emotionally (intimacy)
Managers spend more time asking & answering questions rather than telling (listening)
There is a sense of where the conversation is going (intentionality)
RelationshipsPsychological Safety
“An employee’s sense of being able to show and employ one’s self without fear of negative
consequences to self-image, status or career.”
INDIVIDUAL PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY
“A belief that the shared environment is safe for interpersonal risk taking, which includes being able to
learn from mistakes and to suggest new ideas.”
TEAM PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY
Security
Autonomy
Fairness
You
Trust
Esteem
The S.A.F.E.T.YTM Model
Source: Dr Dan Radecki
–Robert Dilts
“You exist. I see you. You are valuable. You are important | special | unique. You are welcome. You belong here. You have something to contribute.”
Awareness
Mindset
Skills
SIX KEY CONVERSATIONS1. Social – the human touch
2. Setting Expectations – the baseline conversation
3. Assessing Progress – feedback on performance
4. Developing People – encouraging learning and autonomy
5. Celebration – acknowledging high performance and success
6. Resolving Conflict – addressing issues early to ensure a healthy work environment
What Skills do you need?
The Sweet Spot
WinMinimise
Source: Craig Weber
CONVERSATIONAL CAPACITY
Candor
Stating our clear position
Explaining the underlying thinking that informs our
position
Curiosity
Testing our perspective
Enquiring into the perspectives of others
Source: Craig Weber
UNCLEAR POSITION
• I’m wondering if we should think about doing X
• Do you think we might consider doing some things to make our meetings more effective?
• Em, are you going to stay up here as long as you can?
• I wonder if there’s a better way to do this?
• I kinda think that maybe option B is the best way to go, but I’m not sure
CLEAR POSITION
• I think we should do X
• An agenda would dramatically improve our weekly meetings
• Pull up and go round for another approach. You’re going to miss the runway
• I think there’s a better way to do this
• Option B is the best decision
State your clear position
Explain your thinkingHere’s what I think and here’s why I think that.
Test your view
★ Is there a better way to make sense of this?
★ Do you see it differently?
★ How does what I’m suggesting feel to you?
★ What’s your take on this issue?
★ What does this look like from your angle?
★ What’s your reaction to what I’ve just put forward?
Enquire about other people’s views
★ What are you seeing that leads you to that view?
★ Tell me more about how you’re looking at this issue
★ What does this look like from your (marketing/finance/engineering) perspective?
★ Could you provide some examples that illustrate your position?
★ I have to admit that I see the issue very differently, but before I jump to conclusions, please tell me what you have seen or heard that leads you to see it the way you do
Source: Craig Weber
The Sweet Spot
Testing & Enquiry (Curiosity)
Position & Thinking (Candor)
Winning (Low Curiosity)
Minimising (Low Candor)
CONVERSATIONAL CAPACITY
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Copyright ©Harrison Assessments Int’l Limited 2010 - 2019
We can measure your conversational strengths & blindspots
Interpersonal Influence Potential
Achievement (Expertise) Influence Potential
Authority (Position)Influence Potential
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Copyright ©Harrison Assessments Int’l Limited 2010 - 2019
How plans and actions are started
How we motivate ourselves and others
How we implement and innovate
How we sustain and maintain strategy, plans, and tasks
We can measure your conversational strengths & blindspots
TEAM DYNAMICSConversational Capacity
WHEN TO USE THE SKILLS?
Difficulty
Importance
Difficult but not important
Difficult and important
Not difficult and not important
Not difficult but important
How difficult is the issue?
How important is it?
One more thing…
OVERVIEW
1. Challenges
2. The BIG Idea
3. Next Steps
Next Steps★ Call me for a chat about any team
issues
★ Get actionable weekly tips on personal development, self-leadership and working with others direct to your inbox.
★ Get a copy of the slides
★ Register for the new Podcastwww.gerrymurray.com
T: +32 476 417 [email protected]
–Chris Argyris
“Learning is not simply having a new insight or a new idea. Learning occurs when we take effective action, when we detect and correct error.
How do you know that you know something? When you can reproduce what it is that you claim to know”
