Creating Your Spiritual Spa

8/7/2019 Creating Your Spiritual Spa

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Creating Your

Spiritual SpaA Guide to Living a Self-Caring Lifestyle as Women of Faith

April D. Richmond


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CREATING YOUR SPIRITUAL SPA. Copyright 2005 by April Dawn Richmond. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without writtenpermission from the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articlesand reviews.

First Edition Published 2006

Printed in the United States of America


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This book is dedicated to my two little

Pampered Princesses Autumn & Alexis!


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Acknowledgements

To the magnificent women whose courage, strength and

sacrifice paved the road for me: Mrs. Coretta Scott King, Ms.Maya Angelou, Mrs. Rosa Parks, and Ms. Oprah WinfreyThankyou!

Eyvon Gaines, Grandmother Extraordinaire! Everything I am isbecause of you! I love you!

Auntie Dinah Perry: Aunt by blood; friend by choice! Thanksfor always supporting me! Love ya girl!

Gloria Rahmaan: My beautiful, amazing step-mom withoutthe step! Thank you for always going above & beyond! I loveyou so much!

Temple, Kimberly, Mignon, Bilal & Akim: Im so proud tobe your big sister! I love yall!

Yusef Joe Rahmaan: I love you daddy!

Frank Gaines: My favorite Grampy I love you!

Autumn & Alexis: Thank you for changing my life! I lovebeing your mommy.


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Contents

Introduction 1

Chapter 1: Self Care 101 2

The 5 Ws of Self Care 2

Chapter 2: The Syndrome 4

Chapter 3: Me Stressed? 8

Stress -vs- Self Care 8

10 Stress Busters 11

Chapter 4: Beginning Your Self Care Journey 15

Nurturing The Mind, Body & Spirit 15

Physical Self-Care 16Mental Self-Care 20

Spiritual Self-Care 24

Chapter 5: Let Go 25

Forgiveness & Self-Care 26

Chapter 6: Pampering: The Ultimate Indulgence 28

PAMPER 29

Pampering On The Go 30

Pampering On A Budget 31

Partner Pampering 33

Sister-Friend Pampering 34

Chapter 7: Creating Your Spiritual Spa 35

Part 1 36

Part 2 37

Your Change of Address 39


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Chapter 8: Walk The Walk & Talk The Talk 39

Living As An Empowered Superwoman 39

Chapter 9: Resources 40

Tips For A Successful Journey 41

12-Step Plan For Self-Care Recovery 43

Aprils Fabulous Favorites 44

Epilogue 45


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IntroductionI believe it was the extraordinary Oprah Winfrey who coined thephrase ah-ha moment. As I progressed through this book I

was overwhelmed by ah-ha moments! So many things cametogether for me emotionally and spiritually I am still amazed.Although this is the introduction to Creating Your Spiritual Spa,Im writing it afterI finished the book.

My self-care journey has been long, sometimes painful, alwaysinsightful, never dull. It has included death, birth, awakening,

solace, peace, sadness, joy and bliss. Through it all, this bookhas emerged as my testimonial as well as a guide for total self-care.

This wonderful poem was written by Audrey Hepburn whenasked to share her "beauty tips." Remember and embracethese words of wisdom as you read this book.

FOR ATTRACTIVE LIPS, speak words of kindness...

FOR LOVELY EYES, seek out the good in people.

FOR A SLIM FIGURE, share your food with the hungry.

FOR BEAUTIFUL HAIR, let a child run his/her fingers through itonce a day.

FOR POISE, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone...People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed,revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you willfind one at the end of each of your arms. As you growolder, you will discover that you have two hands; one

for helping yourself, and the other for helping others


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1

Self-Care 101!

The 5 Ws of Self-Care

You cant begin your self-care journey without having a fullunderstanding of the term self-care. The simplest way to

explain self-care is by going back to the basics (who, what,

when, why and where)! Not as an insult to your intelligence,

but to put everyone on the same page. Most women think self-

care is merely having your hair done, getting a manicure,pedicure and a massage. A trip to the spa is not self-care. Its

a small piece of living a self-caring lifestyle, but its a moot

process if youre not taking care of your entire self. Until you

get your mental, physical and spiritual self in order, the spa is

nothing more than a temporary cover-up.

1. What is self-care? Simply put, self-care is the art of

creating and maintaining a lifestyle that is conducive to

developing a healthy mind, body and spirit as well as a

beautiful appearance. In other words, your interior

should be just as healthy and beautiful and your exterior.


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2. Who needs self-care? Every mother, sister, aunt, and

daughter you know! It doesnt matter if youre married or

single. With children or without. Black or white. Blue

collar or White collar. A CEO, MBA, MD, PhD, RN or CPA.

Self-employed or employee. Stay at home mom or single

mom. You need self-care.

3. When is a good time for self-care? Self-care is actually a

lifestyle as opposed to task. Your self-care should be part

of your everyday way of living. My goal for you is that

eventually a self-caring lifestyle will be your normal

routine.

4. Where do I begin? Surprise! Youve already begun!

Reading this book is your first step. Whether youve

purchased your own copy or youve borrowed this from

someone else, you are now on your way!

5. Why should I be concerned about my self-care?

Because if youre not caring for your entire self, who else

is going to do it? No one knows your needs better than

you. If youre not meeting your self-care needs (eating

right, exercising, controlling your stress,

praying/meditating, forgiving others) you are not truly

meeting the needs of those who count on you.


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The SyndromeAt some point in our journey as women, we embraced the

notion that we should be superwomen. The more tasks we

could conquer the better. Remember I can bring home the

bacon, fry it up in a pan and never ever let him forget hes a

man? For so long those song lyrics along with I am woman

hear me roar were almost an anthem for every woman on the

move. Unfortunately, what no one ever realized is there are

consequences and serious effects when we choose to put on

our cape and don the capital S on our chest. We become

casualties of an internal battle we must constantly fight.

As we take on role of caregiver for our children, parents,

husbands, elders and a host of others, we routinely put our own

well-being and health on the back burner. We become burned

out from our roles as leaders in the workplace as well as at

home. Our days are spent being strong women in the office

and nurturers in the home. Were the first ones up in the


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morning, the last ones to bed, and can still only manage to

squeeze a few moments of quiet time. We leave one job at

5pm just to begin the second one at 6pm! And after weve

worked eight or more hours in the office, managed to get

dinner on the table, help with homework, gotten everyone

bathed and tucked in, and prepared everything for the next day

we crawl into bed ready to collapse only to find our mate ready

for action!

Our days and nights are an endless roller coaster ride that

never allows us to replenish our souls and bodies with the

nutrients they need. We are somewhat comforted by the fact

that weve made it through another day accomplishing a never

ending list of tasks; however our mindset is such that if we are

not completely exhausted and mentally depleted by the end of

the workday we believe we are less effective mothers,

caregivers, employees etc.

Women in general, often consider true self-care and pampering

a guilty pleasure. We often make ourselves sacrificial lambs

when it comes to our own needs. Yes I did say needs! We

need more than food, water and oxygen to survive! Self-care is

a need for our overall well-being. When we fail to acknowledge

and address these needs we fail in all of our endeavors.


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Do you think you have everything under control? Have you

convinced yourself everything is fine? I often hear the famous

Im Fine Line: Im fine, I work full-time, I get the kids to

soccer, swimming, baseball, cheerleading, dance class, and

school on time, the laundrys done, the house is clean, the

dishes are put away, dinners on the table every night, I visit my

parents on the weekend, we all attend church on Sunday and

my mate is satisfied! Well Hallelujah! Everything and everyone

on your list is well taken care of, but what about you? Dont get

me wrong, I commend you for your hard work, but Id like you

to begin rethinking the statement Im fine. I too was fine,

doing it all, never asking for help and turning it down when it

was offered. Then one day I walked into my oldest daughters

bathroom (she was 6 years old) where shes stretched out in

her bubble filled bath tub, eyes closed, and with a slow sigh and

deep breath she proclaimed, This is the life! As Im running

through the house chasing her baby sister, picking up dirty

clothes, ironing clean clothes and picking up toys, my 6 year old

is relaxing and pampering herself! That moment I thought,

when was the last time Itook a bath? The beautiful Jacuzzi

style corner tub in my bathroom was dry as a bone and covered

in dust! A bath is such a tiny pampering ritual, but the reality

wasas much as I wanted to, had even planned to take a hot

bath every night after I got the girls to bed, I was to tired, to


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depleted mentally and physically to even take 30 minutes to

simply relax in the bath tub. I too thought I was fine, but

looking back, I wasnt. My patience with my children and family

was short, I was easily irritated most of the time, when

weekends approached I had no energy to enjoy anything, I

woke up exhausted and tense, I ate poorly (often it was what

the kids left), I even spent my lunch hour running errands just

to keep up. I wasnt fine. I was far from fine.

Slow down and enjoy life. Its not only the scenery you miss by going too

fast you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.

-Eddie cantor

Im truly blessed to have a wonderful man in my life. A man

who really doesnt ask much of me, appreciates my efforts and

hard work, helps with the laundry and housework, gives me

flowers for no reason, sends me mushy emails and e-cards and

most importantly, lets me know when Im doing too much. Not

that I listen, but he knows when Im doing too much for

everyone else without taking a break for me. However; even

when he offered to give me a break I insisted on proclaiming

Im fine., I can take care of it. The reality is we all have this

syndromeSuperwoman Syndrome.to some degree whether

we see it or not. Weve all heard the saying everything in

moderation the same applies for having Superwoman

Syndrome. We can be healthy, self-caring, spirit-filled

Superwomen without sacrificing our mental and physical selves.


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This book is designed to help you recognize the Superwoman in

you, and tame her into a healthy part of your life. An

Empowered Superwoman understands the importance of

balance between the mind, body and soul. An empowered

Superwoman can be found treating herself as opposed to

cheating herself.

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Me Stressed?Be Wise. Treat yourself, your mind, sympathetically, with loving kindness.

If you are gentle with yourself, you will become gentle with others.

-Lama Thubten Yeshe

Stress -vs- Self-Care

Mentally we often associate the words self-care with self-ish,

when actually self-care = self-achievement. Self-care directly

impacts your ability to clearly see, set and achieve your dreamsand goals! It is important to fully understand the correlation

your overall well-being has with your entire lifestyle. We often

hear the famous mantra you cant love anyone else until you

learn to love yourself. This same principle applies to self-

careYou cannot give effective care and nurturing to othersuntil you care and nurture your spiritual, mental and physical


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self.

In asking women across the country the question: What keeps

you from having a regular self-care routine? the answers were

almost the same regardless of race, age, marital status, or

number of children in the homeTIME, MONEY and ENERGY!

We will spend our last ounce of time, money and energy on our

children, mates, house and employer, but not on

ourselvesSuperwoman Syndrome at its best! In addition to

time, money and energy, the biggest obstacle to self-care is

stress.

Stress is a familiar and powerful foe of the Superwoman. It

manifests in many forms, most of which we dont even

recognize as stress until its too late. The most common

symptoms of stress are headaches, sleep disorders, difficulty

concentrating, short temper, upset stomach, low morale,

depression and anxietysound familiar? Girlfriends stress is

just the devil in disguise! It robs us of the ability to be aware of

who we arechildren of God!

Or dont you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who livesin you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God

bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Unlike men who generally respond to stress with hostility,

withdrawal and anger, women are more prone to Tend and


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Befriend. In other words we become super strength caregivers

to our children/families (Tend) and we seek support from other

women (Befriend). These responses may seem innocent

enough; however when we immerse ourselves in our care

giving roles we find that our time and energy is depleted at the

end of the day leaving nothing available to deposit into our own

self-care bank. Similarly, our friends can be wonderful sources

of support, but often times an encouraging conversation can

quickly take a turn onto Gossip Avenue, which can cause even

more stress. Keep mental clutter at a minimum by seeking input

from God before consulting well-meaning friends and family.

Obviously we all have stress, its inevitable. We have brief,

short-term stressful situations like getting lost, running late, job

interviews or trying to plan errands. We also have long-term

stressful situations such as troubled relationships, terminal

illness in the family, financial difficulties, unexpected pregnancy,

and fear of losing our job. Short-term stress also has short-

term effects like making us feel worried or anxious until the

issue is resolved. Long-term stress, on the other hand can have

detrimental effects on our mental, physical and spiritual health.

Stress breaks down all of our defense mechanisms and triggers

problems that can make us sick as well as worsen health

problems we already have. Stress can cause or at the very

least play a significant role in all of the following: sleeping


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disorders, headaches, constipation, diarrhea, irritability, lack of

energy, lack of concentration, eating too much or not enough,

anger, stomach bloating or cramping, hives, acne, depression,

anxiety, weight fluctuation, high blood pressure, heart

problems, neck/back pain, less sexual desire and diabetes to

name a few.

As women, excuse me Superwomen, we carry much more of

the burden of stress than our male counterparts. We are so

consumed by everything around us we often arent even aware

of our stress levels. Dont let stress fill your mind, body and

spirit with disease!

You have the power to be an Empowered Superwoman! Stressand Self-Care are bitter enemies. As I mentioned earlier in this

chapter, stress is the spiritual equivalent of the devil. This

being true you can equate the art of self-care with the

divineness of God.

I need to take an emotional breath, step back and remind myself whosactually in charge of my life

-Judith Knowlton

The stress demon can be tamed, even conqueredThe devil is

a liar! Before you can truly embark on your self-care journey

you must first gain control of your stress. Here are 10 Stress

Busters I encourage you to master before moving forward:

1. Relax: Dont confuse this with rest or sleep! I mean


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relax your body and your mind. Stop everything youre

doing find a quiet place (or bubble bath!) and just be still

for at least 20 minutes. Pray, meditate, take deep

breaths, stretch whatever will allow you to concentrate

on nothing except relaxation. Try to incorporate this into

everyday.

2. Me Time: Designate 1 hour per day just for you. I

know this may seem impossible. If you dont think you

can start with one hour, start with 30 minutes and

gradually progress to 1 hourbaby steps will get you

there. Remember, your journey will take time. Use your

Me Time just for you, not to run errands or pay bills.

Some great me time activities you may consider: Read a

book or magazine, take yourself to lunch at your favorite

restaurant, watch your favorite television show or movie

alone! The ultimate me time (and my favorite): Take a

vacation day from work, but still take your kids to

school/daycare! You can have a full day of just enjoying

yourself.

3. Sleep: Ideally 8 hours of sleep per night is appropriate.

Realistically most of us only get around 6 hours! This is

another one that may take some time to work through. I

started by choosing two weeknights that I could go to

sleep the same time as my children. Once you can

commit to that schedule, try to adjust your sleep time to


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one hour earlier than normal for 3 nights of the week.

For example if you normally go to sleep at 11pm change

it to 10 pm. Allow yourself 2 nights per week to stay up

until your current bedtime. So if you currently go to bed

at 11pm every night, your new schedule should look

something like this (Following this schedule gives you an

extra 9 hours of sleep per week!):

*If you dont have children,try taking 1 hour off of your regular bedtime forat least 2 nights per week then gradually increase to 5 nights per week.

4. Eat: 5 small healthy meals a day is great if you can

manage your time to accommodate that type of

schedule. If not, stick to 3 meals a day, but be sure to

consume at least 16oz of water per day, fuel up on fruitsand veggies as much as possible and go easy on the

carbs!

5. Move It: Exercising your body gives you the energy you

need to exercise your mind! Brisk walks on a lunch hour,

or an aerobic work-out can really get your spirit moving!6. Talk: Dont keep negative thoughts and feelings bundled

inside. Talk to the person you have an issue with.

MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY

10pm

1 hour

early

8pm

Bedtime

with kids

10pm

1 hour early

8pm

Bedtime

with kids

11pm

Regular

Time

11pm

Regular

Time

10pm

1 hour

early


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Discuss your feelings and then give it to God to resolve.

Dont gossip with others that only adds fuel to the fire

and increases your stress level.

7. Give In: Compromise. You neednt go into battle every

time you disagree with your spouse, boss and/or

children. Instead of holding on to the my way or the

highway attitude, consider meeting someone halfway.

This doesnt mean being a pushover each time someone

asks you something, but take a minute to think about

whether or not the issue is worth the stress. It takes less

energy to simply say ok, lets do it your way this time.

8. Write It: Start a journal. Write a few sentences

everyday (this is a great activity for your Me Time!)

Remember dont beat yourself up if you miss a day on

this one. Your journaling shouldnt be a chore. Write

when youre moved to put your feelings on paper. Hint:

Journaling is a great way to channel anger. Before

approaching the person who has upset you, write your

feelings down. This will usually calm you down and give

you a better perspective.

9. Nourish: Constantly seek ways to nourish your soul.

Read an inspirational book, listen to a CD that uplifts

your spirit, attend church regularly, and/or take

advantage of self-care retreats in your area.

10.Set Limits: You cant do it all. Stop over-committing


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youre now ready to make the next turn on your Self-Care road

map.

Its important to realize that self-care is a life-changing process.

The habits we have now have taken us a lifetime to acquire so

we shouldnt have expectations that they will all go away in a

week, a month, or even a year in some cases. In fact, trying to

change everything at once could wreak havoc on your lifestyle

and eventually lead to frustration and failure. Consider yourself

a work-in-progress.

Physical Self-Care

Indeed our physical needs must be met to keep our mental and

spiritual selves healthy. A weak body only houses a weak mind

and spirit. A few years ago I visited my physician for a check-up. He asked if I had any complaints or concerns, my reply

was, Im always tired. No matter how much sleep I get, Im

always tired. He continued my exam and ran a full battery of

blood tests, but could find nothing wrong with me. His

suggestion: exercise! My immediate thought was how can Iexercise, Im too tired to exercise! If I had energy to exercise I

wouldnt have a problem! But, I adore my doctor and respect

his opinions so I took his advice. Of course I was working full-

time and busy taking care of my family so I had no idea where I

would find the time. As a result, I ended up purchasing a work-out (Pilates) DVD. I would do it a few times a week, and I

started to notice a difference almost immediately. Keep in


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mind, I am hardly an exercise guru, and I hardly believed

exercise would make any difference in my energy level but after

a week there was really a difference. If I did the work out in

the morning (which was challenging) I was energized and ready

to go about my day with a renewed spirit. If I did the work out

in the evenings I was rejuvenated and able to finish the day

without losing my patience with my family. And most

importantly, because my body was releasing stress when I

exercised, I went to bed with less tension which allowed my

body to truly rest. Did you know that you can sleep for twelve

hours and still wake up exhausted if your body doesnt truly

rest? Stress is a horrible bed partner! He steals the covers,

kicks, pushes and tosses all over the bed. As long as you allow

stress into your bed, youll always deprive yourself of a restful

night. You may sleep, but your body is unable to fully shut

down when youre sleeping with stress. You may find that

when you wake up the next morning, not only are you still tired,

your back and muscles are tight and/or aching, your joints are

stiff and you may even have a headache. Start working on your

physical self instead of letting the stress demon work on you!

Make a commitment to work on these four steps for Physical

Well-Being:

1. Diet: You must nourish your body with the fuel it needs

to operate efficiently. Now dont rush off to start some

fad diet that may or may not work! Thats not what I


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mean when I say diet. I mean eat right, and dont skip

meals. This is a huge obstacle for me, and I am still a

work-in-progress in the area. I often wait until Im

starving to finally eat a real meal by which time Im

usually at the point of desperation so I end up eating

whatever is handy (usually a bowl of cereal). Im

improving my habits, taking baby steps, but making

progress. In the case of diet, make sure you are not

dieting. The goal of this step is to have a healthy diet.

Sometimes we treat our vehicles better than we do our

bodys. You wouldnt fill your gas tank with syrup, so

why would you fill your body with greasy junk food? Try

to fuel up with fruits, veggies and proteins. Peanut

butter, chicken and tuna salad are great sources of

protein. Eat wholegrains like wheat breads and crackers.

Avoid large amounts of caffeinated beverages, Im a

self-confessed coffee-holic so this is a major challenge

for me! Dont be fooled by the temporary energy jolt you

get from caffeine or sugar. Your energy will wear off,

and eventually your body will become immune to its

effects altogether. The bottom line eat right, try not to

skip meals, avoid foods and beverages that have no

nutritional value.

2. Exercise: Walk, run, jogMOVE! I cant stress this one

enough! Youve got to get off of your bump if you really


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want to change your physical self! Exercise, especially

aerobic exercise lets our body know we mean business!

It gets our mental and physical juices flowing and our

hearts pumping! Take a brisk walk on your lunch break,

or find a workout DVDI love Donna Richardsons

Sweatin in The Spirit DVD! Remember, youre not

training for the Olympic Games, youre just taking control

of your body! Physical activity not only gets your body in

shape, but it also puts you in a better mood! Its true!

Your body makes an increased amount of chemicals

called endorphins after you work out. They relieve stress

and improve your mood. In a pinch, you can even turn

on your favorite CD and dance your way into a good

mood. I do this sometimes with my girls just to get our

energy (and moods) up and running after a long day!

3. Massage: Or should I say mass-aaah-ge? Just saying

the word invokes calm. The power of touch is amazing.

No matter how young or old you are, we all respond to

human touch. A massage is such a powerful tool it can

bring about complete relaxation and peacein a matter of

minutes. Even a seemingly simple foot and leg massage

relax your entire body. The following diagram illustrates

how much of your body is affected through one foot!


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Mental Self-Care

A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Mental health is quickly

becoming one of the biggest health concerns in the UnitedStates. Were coming to learn that Mental Health is more than

whether or not youre sane. It is a vast universe of situations

and states of mind. Assuming you are not already diagnosed

with a mental health problem, this peace of the self-care

journey, focuses on achieving and maintaining optimal mentalhealth as it relates to your total self-care transformation.

1. Know and Accept Yourself: As little girls growing up we

all dreamed of being someone elsea Princess, an

actress, a singer or even someone we knew at school.

As women we still possess this little girl mentality to

some degree. We still compare ourselves to the


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unrealistic standards we see on television and in print

media. For you to progress successfully through your

self-care journey it is important for you to know who you

are, where youve come from and where you are going.

This is a personal journey, but once you know and

understand the beauty of you its so much easier to

accept yourself regardless of what the world thinks or

says! You can be satisfied knowing you are what God has

made you to be! Consider yourself a jigsaw puzzle;

every piece of you is unique. None of your pieces will fit

anyone other than you similarly no one elses pieces will

fit you.

2. Improve Self-Esteem:

Imagine me loving what I see when the mirror looks at me cause I

imagine me in a place of no insecurities and I'm finally happy cause I

imagine me Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me cause they never

did deserve me, can you imagine me?.Being strong and not lettingpeople break me down, you won't get that joy this time around. Lord

Can you imagine me?... Imagine me, being free, trusting You totally,

finally I can imagine me, I admit it was hard to see You being in love

with someone like me, finally I can imagine me.

-Lyrics from Imagine Me by Kirk Franklin

Once you can accept and know yourself, you can appreciate

who you are. Appreciating yourself gives you the confidence

and strength you need to overcome everyday andunexpected obstacles. The dictionary defines self-esteem as

A confidence and satisfaction in oneself. One thing I hear


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regularly from women in passing is I know Im a strong,

independent woman, Im a survivor, Im beautiful, Im

intelligent.I have it going on! Honestly, I think sometimes

these are simply statements we use to convince ourselves of

who we are as opposed to everyone around us. A woman

with high self-esteem who truly knows and is satisfied with

herself, never needs to proclaim her attributes. Its

comparable to the fact that a beautiful woman never needs

to actually tell anyone how pretty she isits obvious. High

self-esteem shines like a beam of light. It shows itself in the

way you walk, talk, listen, and interact with the world.

Those among us who are shouting our independence,

strength, and intelligence, are more than likely the ones who

are the unhappiest with themselves and their situations.

This doesnt imply that they are not independent, strong and

intelligent women, but if youre repeating it over and over

you yourself are probably the one that needs convincing, not

everyone else.

When your self-esteem is not at a level that allows you to

appreciate you and where youve come from, its natural for

you to allow others to dictate and decide your worth. Low

self-esteem can result in serious depression and can cause

you to have dysfunctional relationships (romantic and

platonic). Your level of esteem is based on you and how you


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view yourself. It is not dependent on how the world sees

you. You are your most valuable asset! If your self-esteem

is where you think it should beyou go girl! If youre still a

work-in-progress, dont give upyour self-esteem can

always be improved! Imagine You:

Believing in Yourself!

Internalizing positive affirmations

Planning lifelong goals that are attainable

Loving yourself and those around you

unconditionally

Letting go of past short-comings, disappointments

and failures

Accepting your mistakes, learning from them and

moving on

Visualizing and internalizing being prosperous

mentally, physically and emotionally

Not letting finances (or lack of) determine your

self-worth

3. Be Optimistic: An Optimistic attitude is your biggest ally! If

you think negative thoughts, you will exist in a negative cloud.

Once you start thinking positive, positive things will start

happening. At the very least, youll be able to see something

positive in everything.


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Spiritual Self-Care

Meeting your mental and physical self-care needs will naturally

improve your spiritual self. However; there is still more to be

done in relation to your Spiritual Self-Care. Our spirit is

essentially the foundation of who we are. When you have a

spirit of peace and compassion you are able toexperience

peace and compassion in everything and everyone you

encounter. Your spiritual work out should be practiced daily.

It will probably be the most difficult road to follow on your self-

care journey. Not because it requires a lot, but because it

requires something most people have a difficult time mastering:

the S words: Stillness and Silence. Stillness helps us

experience our body as a sacred temple of the spirit. In

stillness we must resist the urge to think beyond the present

moment and disregard everything outside of ourselves. In

silence we can evaluate our total self and our life situation.

Remember, your spiritual self knows your needs! To keep

yourself healthy spiritually use the art of Stillness and Silence as

tools in practicing regular Prayer and/or Meditation.

I prefer to combine both Prayer and Meditation (Meditative

Prayer). Schedule two times during the day that you canpractice your Meditative Prayer without interruption (early

morning and late evening). The ultimate goals of meditative


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prayer are to interrupt the stress and/or stressful situations,

become closer to God and to have a period of relaxation,

stillness and silence. Following these steps will help you

develop your Meditative Prayer style. As you begin to master

the process you can create your own personalized spiritual

work-out.

Find a comfortable quiet place for your Meditative Prayer

Sit still and allow yourself to breath deeply. Inhale through your

nose, making sure to fill your lungs, and exhale slowly through

your mouth.

Close your eyes

Listen with your whole being

Begin your prayer

Pray humbly without making demands Pray with an open heart and spirit

Upon completion of your prayer allow yourself to sit still and

silent while you continue your cleansing breaths. It may take a

few minutes or up to an hour for you to feel ready to get up

This is a good time to write your thoughts down in a journal

5

Let Go


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Forgiveness and Self-Care

To err is human; to forgive is divine. Our most unlikely

obstacle to self-care is holding on to past hurts. Not being able

to forgive those who have hurt us takes a huge toll on our

physical, mental and spiritual health. As women we have the

gift of being able to hold a grudge. In our lifetime we will

experience hurts and disappoints because of someone elses

decisions. Even those who are our loved ones can and will be

hurtful at times. It is our responsibility to make a healthy

choice about how these situations will affect our overall well-

being. Remember, our God is a forgiving God, if he can forgive

us for all of our sins who are we to hold grudges against one

another?

I am truly a witness to the power of forgiveness and how

empowering forgiving someone is. For most women the

ultimate pain is to be betrayed by your mate regardless of thesituation (infidelity, abuse, addiction, etc). Once that line has

been crossed it is difficult to grow beyond those circumstances.

As most women do, instead of sitting down and having a

reasonable conversation with the person I said I cared so much

about, I used every argument we had as a platform to bring upevery painful thing he had ever done. What made it worse was

the fact that it wasnt days or weeks, but years that this


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lasted. I absolutely couldnt even consider forgiving and moving

on, and that bitterness and frustration and pain came out in

every interaction we had. I refused to even consider forgiving

him, until I felt like he had suffered as much as, if not more

than, I had. My heart and spirit became so toxic it began to

change the person I knew I was. So I prayed. I had prayed

before, but it was what I call a surface prayer. A prayer that

would sound good on the outside; but really had no substance.

A prayer that said everything a prayer should say, but really

didnt come from the depths of my heart. But the last time my

prayer was real, it came from my heart. I asked God to give

me peace in my relationship and in my heart. I asked Him to

take away the bitterness and the malice. I asked Him to forgive

me for not having a forgiving heart, and I asked Him to help me

to make the best decision about my relationship afterI have

forgiven.

In case you didnt knowour God is an awesome God! He can

be so discreet that you dont even know youve been blessed!

All of a sudden, I began to see this man as a person, as

opposed to the man who had betrayed me. When he told me

he was going somewhere I didnt doubt or question it anymore.

When he said caring things to me I didnt roll my eyes and turn

away anymore. I wasnt carrying the burden at all. Girlfriends,

I simply gave it to God, and asked him to give us the strength

and wisdom to make the best decisions about our relationship.


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How divine! Once you honestly and freely forgive someone for

past hurts and misunderstandings something divine happens to

everyone involved! Your ability to love and show compassion to

each other soars on the barometer.

Dont let not being able to forgive cost you valuable

relationships. If its a friend, a sister, a mother, an aunt, a

husband, a boyfriendforgive. If theyve lied, cheated, stolen,

abusedforgive.

6

Pampering

The Ultimate Indulgence

Pampering and self-care are not one and the same as most tend

to think. Pampering is actually part of self-carearguably the

most indulgent part! Throughout this book youve learned how

to take care of your mental, physical and spiritual self.

Pampering combines all three of these areas. When you truly

PAMPER yourself you are indulging your mind, body and soul.


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Pedicure (and manicure)

Aromatherapy

Moisturize

Polish

Exfoliate

Read

Pedicure (and manicure): If youre walking that walk makesure youre doing it on beautiful feet! Keep your hands smoothwith a hand exfoliant, make sure your finger and toe nails stayclean and well-groomed whether you keep them polished ornot!

Aromatherapy: Aromatherapy is the use of essential oils totreat ailments. These conditions range from physical conditionsto emotional problems, from headaches to herpes, dry skin to

acne and arthritis to asthma.

Aromas actually trigger the release of chemicals in the brainthat create a feeling of well-being. Scientists say your body'sresponse to an aroma takes just four seconds. The affect ofscents differ from person to person however; aromatherapistshave developed a dictionary of scents with their most

probable effects:Aphrodisiacs:jasmine, ylang ylang, patchouli

Energizers:lemon, basil, bergamot, sweet orange, peppermint, eucalyptus,tangerine

Soothing PMS:

cedarwood, clary sage, fennel, geranium, nerali, Romanchamomile

Relaxation:lavender, myrrh, cardamom, cedarwood, German chamomile,


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clary sage, frankincense

Skin care:lavender, geranium, ylang ylang (all skin types); rosemary,rosewood, carrot seed, sandalwood, peppermint, rosemary (dry

skin); basil, eucalyptus, cedarwood, cypress, lemongrass, ylangylang, sage (oily skin)

Moisturize: Every inch of your skin needs hydration. Make sureyou have moisturizers that are specifically formulated for theface or body. In other words, dont use your body lotion onyour face! Moisture is the key to keeping a youthful, radiantglow.

Polish: Invest in a decadent body scrub (try a sugar scrub). Tryto use it 1-2 times per week to polish your entire body. Youllbe amazed at how wonderful this process feels. For a real treatgo to a spa and ask for a body scrub treatment; it is pure bliss.Dont go cheap on this, splurge on a good scrub its worth it!

Exfoliate: Like your body, your face also requires polishing.Exfoliating your face is necessary to remove dead skin cells andleave your skin glowing. Frequency on this will depend on thetype of exfoliant you choose and your skin type.

Read: Whether its a good book or your favorite magazine, readsomething that allows you to escape your everyday routine.

Make a commitment to read a book a week (or month) or starta new subscription to a magazine that focuses on your favoritesubject.

Pampering On The Go

If you travel frequently, theres no need to neglect your regular

pampering routine. Keep a separate toiletry bag just for your

pampering supplies. You can even keep it in your suitcase all

the time so youll never forget it! You should always keep an


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ample supply of at least your basic pampering products. Im

sure you keep a sewing kit, and a tool kit at home now you

need to build your Pamper kit. The next time youre in your

favorite all-purpose store (Target is my favorite!) look for a

small cosmetic bag to store all of your goodies. Here are some

pamper-kit essentials:

A Manicure/Pedicure set

Body Polish/Scrub

Body Lotion, Cream or Butter

Face Exfoliant and Cleanser

Your favorite facial

Eye Pillow

Foot Scrub and Moisturizer

Moisturizing Shower Gel or Bar Soap

Pampering On a Budget!

As my fabulous southern relatives would say We all aint able!

As much I would love to make a trip to a spa every week, hire a

personal trainer to whip me into shape, a dietician to prepare all

of my meals and my own personal pilates instructors, the reality

isnone of that is happening anytime soon! On the upside

though, being broke or on a tight budget does not mean you

have to sacrifice your self-care. All things are possible! If you

can find the best deals on shoes, clothes, accessories, laundry

detergent, and groceries, you can find the best deals on

pampering too! Try these ideas for pampering yourself without


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going bankrupt!

Purchase some of your basic supplies (foot pumice, loofah

sponges, cosmetic bag, etc.) from a 99 cents store.

Consider making your own spa bath and body products.

Soaps, candles, lotions, bath crystals, body oils. Scented

oils can be purchased at your local craft store, but youll

get a better selection and better quality from an online

supplier. Soap and candle making supplies can also bepurchased at your local craft store. You can purchase a

nice moisturizing lotion (unscented) and add your own

scented oil. Bath crystals are simple to make with a

combination of Epsom salts and Dead Sea Salts both of

which can be purchased at most grocery stores; all youneed to do is add your scented oil.

Contact your local massage school, to see if they offer

massages to the public. These massages are usually from

advanced students, and are normally free or considerably

less than what youd pay at a spa.

Instead of paying for a pricey gym membership, invest

$30-$40 in a good work-out DVD, a set of 10 lb. weights,

and a Yoga/Pilates mat! Add a brisk walk or jog and its

money well spent.

Turn your bathroom into a mini spa! Its the smallest room

in the house, but you can do wonders with it! Go to a


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local super discount store (Big Lots!, dds discount, AJ

Wright, Ross) to buy things like baskets, candles, clear

vases, a new shower curtain, and rug for your spa-to-be.

Use a relaxing spa color like aqua blue, lavender or even

white. Use one of the baskets for magazines, and fill the

others with some of your home made bath products. You

can use the vases as containers to show off your bath

crystals (the crystals will also fill the bathroom with your

favorite scent)!

Partner Pampering

Share the joy! Recruit your significant other as a partner for

your pampering! If the new you impresses the one you love,

dont let him miss out! Most spas offer couples packages if you

really want to splurge, but if you want to keep it simple and add

partner pampering to your self-care lifestyle go for it!

Designate one night a week (or month) that is just for you and

your sweetie to pamper each other. You can alternate who

plans the day/evening, and whether or not youll do your

pampering at home or at a spa.

The possibilities are endless when you pamper at home. Im a

firm believer that just about anything you do with someone you

love can be romantic and relaxing as long as you have the right

ambiancecandle light, a soothing CD, and a perfectly scented

aromatherapy candle. Add any pampering activity to this and

watch out! Some ideas for you and your partner to enjoy from


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the comforts of home: Pedicure (with a foot/leg massage),

Manicure (with a hand/arm massage), scalp and face massage,

a shower together using a decadent sugar scrub on each other,

or A hot bath or hot tub soak together. To make the

experience even more interesting, partake in your pampering in

different rooms throughout the house. More than likely youll

end up in the bedroom, so you may as well have fun working

your way there!

Sister-Friend Pampering

Girls night/day can always include a bit of pampering! Again,

you can plan a day at a local spa or you can be creative with

your time (and money)! Instead of (or in addition to) a book

club start a Spa Club! Get a group of friends, family and co-

workers together and plan to meet once a month (or week) at

each others home for a day or evening of pampering! Some

ideas for your Spa Club set-up:

Location: In the Spring and Summer consider using your patio

to set up your pampering activities. During the colder months a

living or family room is fine. Depending on what type of

activities you have planned you can even use your kitchen. Also,

if you plan to have multiple activities theres no rule that says

you have to keep everyone confined to one space.

Menu: Prepare or purchase pre-made dishes that are light, butfilling. A salad and fruit buffet is nice, but so is a dessert buffet!


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Use your best judgment, just make sure you dont fill your

guests with heavy foods.

Activities: Guests can make their own facials and use them!

Have a massage night by asking a massage therapist over to do

15-20 minute massages for all of your guests. Make sure you

agree on a price beforehand and let your guests know how

much they should be prepared to spend. Pedicures on the

Patio! Ask everyone to bring their own foot baths, and the host

can supply nail polishes, files (new), foot soaks and scrubs, and

towels!

7

Creating Your Spiritual Spa

Thus far, youve been building the new you throughout this

book. We started out with the blue prints (The 5 Ws and

Understanding Super Woman Syndrome). We laid thefoundation (Mastering the 10 Stress Busters). Next we put up

the walls and roof (Physical, Mental and Spiritual self-care).

Then came the insulation, wiring and plumbing (Learning to

Forgive); Weve done all the landscaping (Pampering); and now

its time to furnish our new dwelling (Creating Your SpiritualSpa)!

To really experience and benefit from this book you have to


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actually create a plan. Your Spiritual Spa is your get-a-away

everyday! It should incorporate everything youve embraced on

your journey. This is a 2-Part process:

Part 1 is creating a written self-care schedule. Your schedule

should be a map of your self-care activities. The wonderful

thing about your Spiritual Spa is that it incorporates everything

weve mapped out in this book. Each chapters activities relates

somehow to the next. Exercising is a stress buster, but its also

part of your physical self-care; Meditative Prayer is part of your

spiritual self-care, but its also a wonderful Me Time activity.

Your self-care schedule should be written down and posted

where you (and everyone else) can review it daily. Here is a

sample:

Monday:

Morning Pilates & Meditative Prayer (Morning & Evening)

Facial

Hot Bath (Me Time)!

Tuesday:

Morning & Evening Meditative Prayer

Gym

Read Magazine (Me Time)!

Wednesday:


Pedicure/Manicure (Me Time)!

Thursday:



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Gym

Body Scrub

Massage Appointment (Me Time)!

Friday:


Partner Pampering

Saturday:


Hair Appointment (Me Time)!

Sunday:Morning & Evening Meditative Prayer

Part 2 is actually creating your physical spa space! If you

have a limited amount of extra space at home, this can be

challenging (but not impossible!). Everyone has a

bathroomuse yours to your advantage. If youre fortunate

enough to have a Master Bathroom great! If youre

adventurous you can turn your entire bedroom into a little spa

sanctuary for you and your mate (or just for you if youre

single!).

Fill your bathroom with tranquil colored towels, rugs and

accessories. Lavender, aqua blue, and white are soothing

choices. Extra special touches include lightly fragrant potpourri,

sea shells in a dish or lying on the counter, aromatic glycerin

soaps (in soft colors), scented candles in various sizes and

shapes (try to stick to one color). If you can, splurge on a

luxurious rug. Its absolutely decadent to step out of a bath tub


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onto a plush rug! If youre really short on space dont fret, here

are some other ideas:

Patios/Balconies: Transform this space into a little oasisusing an abundance of tropical plants and a smallfountain. You can even put down an inexpensive outdoorrug and use the area for your own meditation garden, acozy reading area, or a quiet spot to give yourself apedicure!

Have Mat Will Travel!: Purchase a nice yoga/pilates matand you can set up your Spiritual Spa in any corner of thehouse! When youre ready for your spa space lay yourmat in a quiet spot in the house burn a few candles orincense nearby (make sure you put these where theywont be easily knocked over!); use the mat formeditative prayer and/or stretching exercises!

Be creative with your spa space. Theres no right or wrong wayas long as it meets your needs!

Your Change of Address

Youve built your Spiritual Spa from the foundation up! Now its

time to let everyone know your new address! Send out notices

via email, or make a flyer just to introduce the new you!


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IIvvee MMoovveedd!!Dearest Friends & Family:

My old address:

1313 Syndrome Street

Stressed Out, CA 90909

Is a thing of the past! You can now find me relaxing at:

777 Renewed Road

Rejoicing, CA 90210

Now Celebrate By Hosting a Housewarming Spa Party!

8

Walk The Walk & Talk The Talk

Living as an Empowered Superwoman

You can read a million inspirational, self-help, motivational tell

me what I want to hear books, but if you dont utilize the

information or if you only use bits and pieces of the message

they have no value. From this point I want you to not only


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know howto live a self-caring lifestyle I want you to actively

livea self-caring lifestyle. Everyone you encounter should see

the renewed you. The relaxed, rejuvenated rejoicing you! From

the soles of your feet to the tops of your head you are

empowered! What will everyone notice?

A new walkbecause you are taking strides full of pride, withyour shoulders held high, not carrying the heavy burdens ofstress.

A new talkyour words are filled with encouragement and

peace, not the malice and spitefulness of gossip.

A new energyyoure uplifting and energizing your soul byeating right, exercising, praying and meditating.

A new lookand girlfriend it looks good! Youre polished andglowing and you know it because your self-esteem is at itspeak! Hair, make-up, manicure, pedicureDONE!

A new thought-processyou understand that to be at youroptimal physical, mental and spiritual level you must nurtureyourself first. You can validate that self-care has nothing to dowith being self-ish, but everything to do with creating a healthy,harmonious, complete self!

A new heartA heart that has forgiven, and continues to allowforgiveness into its home, workplace, and ministry.

A new smileIts a new genuine smile, thats not trying tohide the stress of being everything to everyone, while doingnothing for yourself.

Are your children ready? Are your co-workers ready? Is your

employer ready? Is your mate ready? And most importantly are

youready? Its time! I say YES you are ready to start living as

an Empowered Superwoman!


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9

Resources

TIPS FOR A SUCCESSFUL JOURNEY

DO NOT attempt to change your life in a

week! You will set yourself up for failure.

How many New Years resolutions have you abandoned after a

few weeks? One of the most common reasons for giving up

on self-care is that we jump in head first, and try to give up

habits weve had for years in two weeks! Habits take just as

long to change as they are to start. If you smoke you didnt

start off smoking a pack a day you worked up to that. If you

drink too much coffee, you didnt start off with four cups a

day. If youre overweight you didnt just wake up with an

extra 30 pounds one morning. Get my point? You know

yourself better than anyone else so set reasonable and

realistic expectations for yourself.

Make gradual modifications to your

lifestyle. For example, start with exercising 3 days per


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week instead of everyday. Make adjustments to your diet on

a meal-by-meal basis. Start with having a healthy breakfast

instead of just coffee, then the following week, try changing to

a healthy lunch, change your dinner menu last. Give yourselfa month to completely change your dietary habits.

Set Goals: track your progress and set reasonable goals

for yourself using a 12-Step Recovery Plan similar to the one

illustrated on the next page. Its always rewarding to see an

illustration of your progress.

Be Encouraged! No matter how quickly or slowly you

progress down the self-care highway be proud of yourself!

Reward yourself with something special each time you reach

your goal! Remember its not a raceyoure the only winner!


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12-Step Plan

For Self-Care Recovery

Steps To Master RecommendedTime Frame

MyRecoveryTime Goal

Goal Met Reward

1. 10 Stress Busters 3-6 weeks

2. Eat Right 4 weeks

3. Exercise 2-4 weeks

4. Know Yourself 2-4 weeks

5. Improve Self-Esteem 4-6 weeks

6. Be Optimistic 1-2 weeks

7. Meditative Prayer 1-2 weeks

8. Forgive On-going

9. Self-Care Tool Kit 1-3 weeks

10. Learn to PAMPER 3 weeks

11. Your Spiritual Spa 1-2 weeks

12. Live daily as an

Empowered Superwoman!

On-going


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AprilsFabulous FavoritesSpa Treatment

Full Body Massage w/Body Wrap & Facial

Pilates DVD

THE METHOD Pilates

Aerobic DVD

Donna Richardsons Sweatin In The Spirit

Inspirational CD

HERO by Kirk Franklin

Power Drink

Jamba Juice: Orange Dream

Body Scrub

Anahitas Brown Sugar Scrub

Aromatherapy CandleIdris & Paisley by Warm Spirit

Face Moisturizer

Kindness Cream by Warm Spirit

Exfoliating Face Scrub

St. Ives Renew and Firm Apricot ScrubBody Moisturizer

Sweet Love Body Souffle by Warm Spirit


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Epilogue

As I was in the midst of writing this book a friend sent me this prayer

via email. I was immediately touched by the simplicity and

profoundness of the words and how much the message details so

many of the obstacles we encounter when it comes to self-care:

relationships, finances, debt, jobs, mental health, physical health!

What better epilogue than this prayer. I pray this for every woman

who touches this book and is touched by this book. I pray this prayer

for myself as I continue my self-care journey. I pray this prayer for

the beautiful friend who blessed me with these words and for Bishop

T.D. Jakes for speaking them.

Continue on your journey.

Be Encouraged.

Thank you for letting me share myself with you.

Imagine You!


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NAME IT and CLAIM IT,

BELIEVE IT AND RECEIVE IT!!!!!!

Prayer by Bishop T.D. Jakes"When you are DOWN to nothing ... God is UP to something"Father, in the Name of Jesus, bless me even while I'm reading this prayerand bless the one that sent this to me in a special way. Open supernaturaldoors in our lives today. Save and set free!Give us a double portion of your Spirit as we take back everything that the

devil has stolen: Emotional Health, Physical Health, Finances,Relationships, Children, Jobs, Homes, Marriages.

I cancel every plot, plan and scheme the enemy has devised Against us inthe MATCHLESS NAME OF JESUS. And I declare: NO WEAPON FORMEDAGAINST US WILL PROSPER.I speak LIFE into every dead situation. And, I thank you that nothing is overuntil YOU say it's over! I speak prophetically into our lives and to oursituations:

Our households are blessed;Our health is blessed;

Our marriages are blessed;Our finances are blessed;Our businesses are blessed,Our jobs are blessed;

Our children are blessed;Our grandchildren are blessed;

Our parents are blessed;Our siblings are blessed;Our ministries are blessed; and,Our decisions are blessed.Husbands are on the way;Wives are on the way;Mortgages are paid and debts cancelled;Our hearts' desires are on the way;According to YOUR perfect will and plan for our lives. YOU SAID YOU'LL

NEVER FORSAKE US! In Jesus name AMEN!


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For information on speaking engagements, seminars and retreats featuring

April Dawn Richmond or to invite her to speak at your next event please email

her at [email protected]

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Creating Your Spiritual Spa

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