Cultural Perceptions and Couple Relations in Mainland China
Professor Agnes Koon-chui LAW, PhD
Qichuang Social Service Center, Guangzhou, China
Center for Social Work Education and Research, Sun Yat-sen University, China.
Trends: Average age at marriage
National(1990)
National(2010)
Guangzhou(2010)
Guangzhou(2016)
Male 23.6 25.9 27.4 30.8
Female 22.0 23.9 25.1 28.2
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National(2000)
National(2010)
Guangdong(2010)
Guangdong(2016)
Male%
640.2760m 682.3291m 43.3817m 57.6348m
51.5% 51.3% 50.9% 52.4%
Female%
602.3363m 650.4818m 41.8433m 52.3552m
48.5% 48.7% 49.1% 47.6%
Sex ratio of married people
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National(2000)
National(2010)
20-24 31.70% 24.82%
25-29 82.34% 70.04%
35-39 95.39% 93.03%
40-44 94.97% 94.07%
Ratio of married people in each age group
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National(2000)
National(2010)
Guangdong(2010)
Guangzhou(2010)
AVG 0.90% 1.38% 0.81%
1.23%City 1.41% 2.00% 0.91%
Town 0.92% 1.33% 0.68%
Village 0.69% 1.07% 0.70%
Divorce rate of people aged 15 and above
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National(2000)
National(2010)
Primary level 80.46% 82.20%
Post-secondary 67.11% 55.39%
Educational level of married people
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The number of marriages has been decreasing continuously nationwide for the last three years:
2016 11.33m registered, 13% less than 2014
(www.hkej.com 24/1/2018)
Delaying marriage
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Decreasing birth rate
In 2016, 17.86m newborn vs 2017, 17.23m,
3.5% lower
In 2017
7.24m first children
8.83m second children
Indicating an upsurge for having a second child
(www.hkej.com 24/1/2018)
Abolishing the one-child policy
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Family is the most important social unit in the support network of Chinese society.
Traditional patriarchal values are implicit in many social, economic and political aspects.
Sustaining the family clan and its name, with male as the heir if possible, is significant.
Man’s role: in charge of affairs outside of the family
Woman’s role: in charge of household chores inside of the family
Traditional values affecting couple relationship
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Matching family backgrounds of the couple, in terms of:
Financial power of the two families
Social status of the two families
Educational backgrounds of the couple
Women prefer to marry up the social ladder
Men prefer to marry on the same rung of the ladder or downwards
Pre-condition for marriage: financial security
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（www.xinhuanet.com）
Pre-open door era: wedding ceremony
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（www.xinhuanet.com）
Pre-open door era: receiving the bride
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A wedding at Zhongshan, Guangdong (Tencent News Web 11/1/2016)
Showing off wedding gifts: in the form of gold
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Shouguang Daily 23/4/2011
Showing off wealth at the wedding
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Wedding gifts: in the form of cash
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Décor of the bedroom of the newlyweds
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Receiving the bride
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Receiving cash and golden ornaments as gifts in return.
Honoring the parents
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Wedding banquet
Good wishes of the relatives and friends: be prosperous, buy a flat and a car soon, have a baby soon….
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Property
Left: Mother-in-law: ‘No property, no talk’（Fang.com）
Right: Mother-in-law: ‘No property, no wedding’（www.nanhunnvjia.com
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In-law relationships
L: Mother and daughter-in-law: fighting for control of the son/husband
R: Mother and daughter-in-law: fighting over trivial household matters
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After school: grandparents and parents at the school gate
（edu.shenchuang.com 30/09/2013）22
Childrearing by grandparents
(js.people.com.cn 02/09/2015)23
Intergenerational childrearing
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‘Left-over’ women
To avoid being stigmatized as too-old, left-over women, young women are eager to get married as soon as possible. Men are also eager to get married in order to please the parents and for family succession.
Legally, getting married beyond the age of 23 for a woman or 25 for a man is considered “late”.
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The One-child Policy
In order to control population growth, the one child policy per married couple in urban areas had been enforced since the late 1970s.
Social issues arising:
01The child becomes the focus of attention and care of the two families, especially as both husband and wife are single children of their parents.
02 Family succession is an important goal of the couple, as well as of their parents.
03 Academic achievement of the single child is of primary importance.
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Transition to the two-child policy
This policy has invoked new social issues:
Intergenerational conflict over whether the
couple should have a second child, especially if
the first child is a girl.
Dispute between the couple over whether to
have a second child, considering the age, health
of the wife and family income.
In view of the rising ageing population and relatively low birth rate (1.6),
the government decided in 2015 to relinquish the one-child policy and
allow married couples in urban areas to have two children.
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Case – We want a son
Five years ago, Ling left her home village to seek work in
Guangzhou, the capital city of Guangdong Province.
She met her boyfriend, who is also from the rural area. Soon
she got pregnant. Her boyfriend’s parents claimed that if the
child was a boy, they could get married. Not wanting to have
an abortion, she took the chance, but gave birth to a girl. The
boyfriend then disappeared and cut off all connection with
her.
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Case – Married to one’s equal
Ming, a single child, with good academic ability, eventually
became a paediatrician. She married a lawyer three months
after they were introduced to each other. She is now 33, and
her husband 39, and they have a one-year-old daughter.
The husband is always away on business trips and shows little
interest in family life. He resents her calling him when he is at
work, as it would make him lose face in front of his colleagues.
He thinks the wife should take care of the family
independently.
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Case – A spoiled son
Six months ago, Wah married a man who, being the only son,
has his daily needs and requirements attended to by his
parents, down to the last detail.
The husband is always absent from home and has been having
an extramarital relationship with another young girl. The
parents-in-law told Wah that if she wishes to divorce their son,
they will compensate her, as they have done so previously
when their son got into trouble with other women, such as
arranging an abortion and paying for the expenses.
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Case – Patriarchal dominance
A couple, both university graduates, married a few years ago. Before marriage, the husband always shared the same bedroom with his parents.
After the wife had given birth to a baby boy, the parents
moved into their bedroom, saying that the air conditioner in their room was out of order. The wife strongly objected. But the husband compromised, allowing them to move in. Only after a fierce fight with the daughter-in-law did the father-in-law move back to his own room.
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Case – Fighting for an heir for one’s family
A couple are both lecturers at a university. The wife is a single
child of a rather well-off family. The husband has a brother. So
the wife’s family demanded that their grandchild should bear
their family name as their heir. The wife gave birth to a baby
girl and named her after the wife’s family. The two-child policy
was enacted when the first daughter was 10. The couple tried
to have a second child.
When she was already seven months pregnant, and guessing it
was also a girl, the father of the wife urged her to have an
abortion and try for another pregnancy. The young mother
refused and gave birth to a second baby girl.
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Case – Fighting for an heir
Another similar case. A couple came from a village that has a
strong preference for sons. When the young couple, also
university lecturers, gave birth to a son, both families wanted
the grandchild to bear their family name. The husband’s family
threatened that their son would divorce her. So the wife gave
in, letting their daughter use the husband’s surname.
For health reasons, the wife, aged 38, was medically advised
not to have another child. Her own parents would not give up,
but constantly encouraged her to try for another baby, hoping
to have a child to bear their family name.
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Material conditions versus psychological and emotional conditions
Getting married is a much felt social pressure for young people
and their parents. When the young man and woman are
beyond their late 20s, they are pressed to make a hasty
decision to marry any seemingly suitable candidate.
Insufficient understanding and acceptance of each other’s
personalities, values, and lifestyles are likely to induce
relational conflicts and communication difficulties between
the couple and with their in-laws at a later stage.
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Parental dominance over couple relations
Parents often play a dominant role in structuring couple
relationships, including choosing a spouse, the format of the
wedding, where to reside, when to buy a property and what
type of property, how to raise a child and whether or not to
have a second child.
To have the understanding and support of parents of both
sides in childrearing practices is a vital factor for a harmonious
couple relationship and intergenerational relationship.
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Preference for son over daughter
The strong preference for son over
daughter has had a profound effect on
the social, economic and political
system. It is widely accepted that men
tend to have higher social status and
greater economic and political power.
Having a son as heir is not only a matter of cultural
significance, but it is also believed that he will bring tangible
benefits to the family.
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Social pressures relating to childrearing
‘To win at the starting line of the race’ is a motto of childrearing.
The families of both sides would readily exhaust their available means to help the couple buy a property with access to a good school, and to pay for additional educational facilities and coaching after school.
The academic achievement of the child is valued as the most important life goal for the parents, as well as the child. Character building and vocational or practical ability are often neglected.
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Reflections
Drastic social change has led to many incongruent social consequences, and impacted on the institutions of the family and marriage.
Traditional agrarian, patriarchal values are incompatible with the expectations of the younger generation, especially those with better education and career aspirations.
More young people are attempting to explore alternative ideas about marriage and love, and to establish their marital relationship on an egalitarian basis.
Eliminating gender stereotypes, promoting awareness of gender equality, and reexamining the criteria for quality of life are part of the new social agenda to be pursued in the long term.
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