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Cyanide Kills Rats

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Two children find themselves being raised by an alcoholic stepfather.
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Page 1: Cyanide Kills Rats

Created by Rich Eubanks

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Prologue

“Oh, Kay, I’m going to miss you so much. Now you be

sure to write me every week. Promise?” Ann held back tears

that were begging to come out as she spoke.

Ann just really didn’t want her favorite granddaughter

to move away. She and little Kay had become so close in

eight years. Larry had actually been her first grandchild

and she had been so excited when he was born, but when a

year later Kay was born, she couldn’t help feeling a little

closer to her. Kay was just special. Not only because she

was her namesake, Kay was actually named Karen Ann, Karen

after her paternal aunt, and Ann, after her. She was

nicknamed K.A. at first, but then it was spoken simply as

Kay. So to Ann, Kay was just a very special and beautiful

little girl.

“Grandma, I don’t want to go. Can I stay here with you

and Grandpa?”

“I would love for you to, Sweetie, but I don’t think

your parents would like that at all. Now give me a great

big kiss and remember that I’m only a phone call away. I

love you, Sweetie.”

Larry had already kissed his grandparents goodbye and

was waiting by the car ready to go. He loved his

grandparents very much but he was excited about the move.

He just couldn’t understand girls. Why was Kay being so

silly?

After all, they were moving to the neatest town he’d

ever seen. When they’d all visited a few weeks ago, he just

couldn’t believe what a lucky kid he was. They’d not only

have a great big house and he and Kay would even have their

own rooms with their own bathrooms, but they were also going

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to have ten acres of huge trees. It would be the first time

they hadn’t lived in apartments and he just wanted to hurry

and get there and start building the tree house that he and

his dad had talked about. Larry just wanted to get going.

“Janie,” Ann, still holding onto Kay with one arm,

reached for her daughter as she spoke in a very serious

tone, “promise me that you’ll come home for Christmas.”

“Mom, you know Tom said we would. And you also know

that if he said it, then we will. It’s only a few months

from now.”

“I know it’s only a few months but your father and I

are sure going to be lonesome without you all.” Ann’s voice

was starting to fail as she spoke.

Janie then turned and kissed her father goodbye. Tom

hugged Ann and shook Bob’s, his father-in-law’s, hand. Then

they pulled Kay to the car where Larry had been impatiently

waiting.

Even after they were all in the car Larry thought it

would take forever to get out of the driveway. Every time

his dad moved the car a few feet someone would think of

something else to say and his dad would have to stop the car

for someone to finish a sentence. Larry was sure glad when

they finally got out of sight of his grandparents’ house.

Larry’s mom and sister were in the back seat. His mom

was holding Kay in her arms because Kay was crying like a

baby.

He and his dad were in the front seat not saying a

word, but they both seemed very happy that they were finally

on the way.

Tom had spent the last ten years working for this day.

He’d met Janie in high school and they’d gotten married

right after graduation. At first he’d planned on going full

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time to college but the extra expenses of Larry’s arrival

that first year of marriage kept him from it. He and Janie

had decided they wanted to have children and felt like they

should try to have them while they were still young, which

they did, but it kept him from going to college until the

kids were both in school so Janie could work. It’d really

been a struggle and they couldn’t have done it without the

help of Bob and Ann. But now they were on their way. He’d

finally made it. No more cheap apartments. He was so eager

to get to his first real job. He knew he would be the best

design engineer that company had ever had.

It was over a hundred miles to the interstate highway.

Nobody had been talking and Janie and Kay were both asleep

in the back seat by the time the car was on the interstate

and the car’s cruise control was set.

“Are you going to miss Springfield, Larry?” Tom broke

the long silence as he relaxed, leaned back in his seat, and

looked at his son sitting in the passenger seat beside him.

“A little bit, I guess, Dad, but I’m sure looking

forward to get to our new home. Are you going to have time

to help me build the tree house right away?” Larry’s eyes

lit up as he finished.

“I’ll make the time. I know how important it is to

you.” Tom smiled as he thought back to when he was the age

Larry is now. “I remember when I was your age. I was going

to build one with a couple of friends of mine but never got

around to it.”

“Why not?” Larry sounded sincerely interested and

looked at his dad as he spoke.

“Well, the summer we were going to build it I had to

move and never had another chance.” Tom let it drop there

thinking that his son probably wasn’t that interested.

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“Where were you living then, Daddy?” Larry immediately

came back.

“I lived in a town named Glendale until I was your age.

Then we moved to Fairmont, a town in the same state but

quite a ways apart.” Tom looked at his son, surprised at

his young son’s interest.

“Did you live in a nice house with a lot of trees?”

Larry was smiling as he asked this, thinking of the trees on

the acreage waiting for him.

“It was a nice house but the trees were in a nearby

field where we were going to build our tree house.”

“What were your parents like, Daddy?”

“My parents, your grandparents, were really great

people, Larry. I guess I’ve never really talked very much

about them, but they were great people that you would

certainly have loved.” Tom looked at his son, smiled, and

added, “And they’d certainly have loved you too.”

“What happened to them, Daddy?” Larry hesitated,

afraid he might be stepping out of bounds before he

continued. “How did they die?”

“Do you really want to know, Larry?” Tom looked into

his son’s eyes to see if this was just idle chat or if the

boy really wanted to know. “It’s really a long story. Are

you sure you want to hear about it now?”

Larry could tell that his dad was troubled but he’d

wondered about the grandparents he’d only known through

family picture albums for a long time. And he’d also

wondered why his Aunt Karen had been in that hospital for so

long. He’d never said anything but he was really curious

what had happened to cause his Aunt to have so many mental

problems. He knew it had to be something really bad and as

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much as he didn’t want to upset his father he did want to

know all about it.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind telling me,” Larry looked at

his Dad’s reaction before he finished, “I’d really like to

know.”

“Well, your grandparents were both killed.” Tom

blurted it out as though it’d been something he’d been

laboring to keep in for years.

Larry didn’t respond. His dad was almost in tears just

thinking about it and Larry felt badly about asking in the

first place.

They drove in silence for quite a while, both simply

watching the white lines of the interstate move steadily

past the car, before anything else was spoken. Larry was

really starting to feel sorry that he’d brought it up at

all.

“Larry,” Tom finally broke the silence after he had

regained his composure and thoughts, “you have every right

to know what happened. After all, they were your family

too, even though you never met them. Kay is still a little

young but you’re old enough to know.”

As the miles of interstate highway passed behind them

Larry, for the first time, began hearing from his dad the

tragic story of his Aunt Karen’s and his dad’s childhood.

Chapter One

“Your Aunt Karen hadn’t really been old enough to

remember our dad,” Tom began explaining to his son. “I can

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remember him since I was already eight when he was killed in

the plane crash. I guess there’s a big of difference

between eight and four because when we talk about what he

was like, she only asks questions. To me he’s a fond memory

but to your Aunt Karen he was just a vague dream

“My mother was devastated when we heard. I don’t think

Karen and I would’ve been quite that upset if it hadn’t been

for Mother’s absolute grief. The funeral was one of the

most confusing times of my life. I don’t guess I was old

enough to really understand what was happening. I remember

looking into the grave and being scared. It wasn’t really

as though Daddy were there to me, but I knew something was

terribly wrong. By all of the talk the night before by my

Dad’s relatives, I felt something was going to happen at the

graveyard but I didn’t know what. My dad’s family belonged

to a very unusual religious group and they can tend to be

frightening at occasions like that. I’ll never forget the

spooky moaning.”

“Were you scared, Daddy?”

“Well, maybe a little, Larry.” Tom had been so

much into his own thoughts that he’d almost forgotten whom

he was telling the story to. “But mostly just nervous and

confused.”

“What religion were they?” Larry had never heard about

that part of his family and was genuinely curious now.

“Were they a cult or something?”

“Oh, they’re really not that bad,” Tom realized that he

might have gone a little too far and didn’t want his son to

think any religion was wrong or bad just because of the way

they preferred to worship, “it’s just that they acted

different from what I was used to.”

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Tom couldn’t help but notice how intently Larry

was watching him. He was glad, in a way, that he could

finally tell his son this part of their heritage. As Tom

looked back toward the long interstate highway ahead, he

began to speak again, remembering and sharing his childhood.

It was as much as though he were telling himself as telling

his son.

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*****

It took a while before my Mom got back to, sort of,

normal. We were in total turmoil for several months. When

we finally moved from our house poor little Karen cried

through the whole move. That house was all that Karen and I

had known. I remember my Uncle Charlie asking Mom why she

was so intent on moving from such a nice house where her

kids felt so safe. He’d told her that it wasn’t fair to us

kids, to upset our lives even more right then. But Mom said

she just couldn’t bear to stay where she and Tom had shared

so many memories. She wanted to get away and try to get her

life back together. After all, she was just twenty-eight

and she thought she would use some of the insurance money to

go to school and try to become an accountant. There was

plenty of money for now, but with two children it could

never be enough to last forever.

We moved to a middle-sized town with a university and

found a nice house with a swimming pool for Karen and me. I

think the novelty of a swimming pool made Karen quickly

forget our problems. I enjoyed it too but I sure missed all

of my buddies at the other school I had attending. My

friends and I had planned to build our tree house by a creek

that ran near our homes in Glendale, the town I moved from.

I remember my friend Jimmy saying that he and Barry would

come to visit, but I think we all three knew that we were

saying goodbye forever. I sure missed those guys that first

summer.

Karen would have neighborhood friends over to our pool

when Mother would let her, but I didn’t really try to make

new friends. I just kept hoping we’d be going back to visit

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Dad’s family in Glendale and I could see Jimmy and Barry

again. But we never did.

I did make one friend that summer though. Mr. Barton

lived next door to us. He was a really nice man and he was

always working on something in his garage. He wasn’t

married, and he worked the evening shift at the bicycle

factory near town. I remember I was sitting in our front

yard, not long after we moved there, watching him when he

came out of his house and he smiled and asked me my name. I

told him my name was Tommy and he said his was Larry Barton.

Although he always told me to just call him Larry, I still

said Mr. Barton. After all, he was about my mother’s age.

He explained that he was a design engineer and what that

was. He said he enjoyed experimenting with new things and

was always making something in his garage when he wasn’t at

work. He showed me his garage and all his neat equipment

and tools and asked if I’d like to help him work. We spent

that summer making a go-cart out of an old riding lawn

mower. I really liked working with him. He was the

smartest man I’d ever met and I couldn’t wait to get to ride

that go-cart.

The day we finished it he drove it first. I watched as

he went down the street to the dead-end and back up to his

house. My heart was pounding with anticipation as I

watched. He really looked funny with his knees sticking

straight up because he was much too large for that little

go-cart.

“Well, it seems safe enough, but I think it needs a

license.” Mr. Barton smiled at me, then he continued.

“When’s your birthday, Tommy?”

We painted the license number on the little tag, my

birthday 7-24, and he asked me if I’d like to take it on its

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first official drive. I got in and he showed me the

controls, but I was so nervous that I got it all wrong and

took off at full throttle with the steering wheel the wrong

way. It didn’t turn over because he caught me, but my

mother had been watching. She came running toward us and

was screaming at Mr. Barton.

“What in the world do you think you’re doing?” She

sounded really mad and then screamed again. “Tommy is only

nine years old and not ready to be driving a contraption

like that!”

Mr. Barton said that he was sorry he hadn’t checked

with her first but that it was actually very safe. He only

needed to teach me the controls better. He also took the

opportunity to introduce himself to my mom.

“Hi, I’m Larry Barton and Tommy has told me that your

name is Susan. I’m pleased to finally meet you. I’ve

noticed you several times and…”

He’d been holding out his hand for her but she not only

didn’t offer him hers, she stopped him mid-sentence.

“Mr. Barton, I appreciate you spending time with Tommy

but I don’t appreciate you risking his life with this

contraption! I lost my husband and I don’t want to lose my

son!”

I looked at Mr. Barton apologetically as Mother dragged

me back to our house. I surely wanted to drive that go-

cart, but now it was going to be impossible. I tried to

explain to Mom but she just didn’t want to hear me.

I still visited Mr. Barton in his garage occasionally,

but it wasn’t the same. He told me that he would park the

go-cart and it would be mine when my mom said it was all

right to have it. Mr. Barton tried so hard to be friendly

to Mom, but she didn’t want any part of him after that.

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When it was time for school to start that year

everything was so busy. Mother had enrolled in college and

she had to get Karen started in kindergarten and me enrolled

in the fifth grade at the new school. I remember how

worried Mom was that she’d be at school too. And the school

might not be able to call her if something was wrong with

Karen. I hated the thought of having to hang around the

little kids but I told Mom I would watch out for Karen

anyway.

I couldn’t believe we had to ride a bus to a school

that wasn’t any farther from home than the school in

Glendale had been. In Glendale I could ride my bicycle even

in kindergarten. But Mom said that in a larger town, like

Fairmont, it was much too dangerous and, besides, she wanted

me to ride with Karen. I just knew that everyone would make

fun of me, but when I got on the bus that first morning I

noticed that all of the kids, even much older ones from the

neighborhood were also getting on, so I felt a little

better. I sure wished that I’d been riding my bike with

Jimmy and Barry though. And going to my old school.

After a few weeks things did settle down and get back

to normal. Every morning before Karen and I would catch the

bus to school, Mom would kiss us goodbye and get in the car

to go to her first class at the university. We got home a

little before Mom every day, and I had talked Mom into

letting us stay there instead of having to go to the after

school program. She’d been real hesitant but Mr. Barton and

I talked to Mom about how he didn’t go to work until well

after she got home, and he said he’d be happy to watch out

for us every day until she got there. Mr. Barton still

liked Mom even though she was mean to him.

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I asked Mom once if she thought Mr. Barton was nice.

She said that he was a good-looking man, but she didn’t care

for something about him, even though she didn’t really know

what it was. I think I would have liked it if she had been

friendlier to him. He was really good to me, and Karen

seemed to like him too. His friendship sure meant a lot to

me back then.

That first semester went by pretty fast. I remember

when the Christmas break came and we all three got our

report cards, and how we compared grades. Mother won! She

was so happy to have her first semester out of the way, and

we were all having so much fun until we started getting out

the Christmas stuff. Everything we’d get out reminded us of

Daddy and we wound up crying the whole time we were putting

things up.

The second semester went by, and I still hadn’t made

any close friends even though I played with some of the boys

at recess every day. When summer finally came, Mr. Barton

helped me get onto a little league baseball team. Mother

was going to summer school full time and had gotten a lady

to come over and watch Karen. Her name was Miss, and she

didn’t like to be called ‘Mrs.’, Evans. I didn’t really

like her that much. All she did was lie around the pool and

sun bathe. She was younger than Mom and real, real skinny.

She was so skinny that I wondered if she was sick. And to

top that off she would never eat anything because she said

it would make her fatter. The worst thing about her was

that she was always trying to talk to, and get close to, Mr.

Barton whenever he was around. I hated the way she smiled

at him and the way she was always trying to get so close to

him. She started wearing bathing suits that were too skimpy

and she found every reason in the world to come over to his

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garage, most of the time saying she was just checking on me.

Whenever she came over it was as though I weren’t even

there. I always made a point of trying to talk to Mr.

Barton about how skinny she was, and how weird she was.

He’d always tell me that she was just a kid, and he thought

she was a little thin but cute. I’d always ask him if he

thought Mom was cute, and he’d always answer that my mother

was a very pretty lady. I guessed that meant the mean girls

are cute and the really nice girls are pretty.

I was surely glad when summer school was over, and Miss

Evans wasn’t around anymore. At baseball we had one game

left, and Mom and Karen were going to go with Mr. Barton and

me. I didn’t do very well that day. I’d spent all my time

watching them sitting together instead of paying attention

to the game. I was really feeling a little embarrassed but

they didn’t seem to notice how poorly I’d played. It was

nice seeing Mr. Barton and Mom talking and laughing

together.

After the game we went for pizza and I did my best to

keep Karen busy so Mom and Mr. Barton could talk some more.

We all had a really good time and I was so excited that Mr.

Barton and Mom were getting along so well. Within a week

she let me ride the go-cart.

The rest of that summer went by fast and it seemed that

everywhere we went, Mr. Barton would go. I asked Mom if she

like Mr. Barton and she told me that she liked him for a

friend, and that he was a very good neighbor.

Well, I guess that was a start, but I knew that Mr.

Barton really liked her. He was always asking me things

about her. After every time we went somewhere, he would ask

me what she had said about him afterwards. Things were

really going great!

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When school started back, things got busy again. We

didn’t go places with Mr. Barton as much as we had during

the summer. When Mr. Barton would suggest going somewhere,

Mother would always tell him that she had to study. I

talked Mom into asking him over for Christmas though. He’d

told me that he usually went to his family’s gathering, but

this year he couldn’t go out of state because of his work.

They were just so busy this year at the factory that he

couldn’t get enough time off. Mother had been reluctant,

but agreed when Karen said that she would also like for him

to come over.

It was really the best day I remember since Daddy had

died. Mr. Barton was already there when I woke up Christmas

morning. He and Mom were drinking coffee in the den when I

came down the stairs, and right there under the tree was the

best bicycle in the world. They said it was from both of

them together. I sure liked the bike, and I think I liked

them saying “them together” even more!

It wasn’t even light out but I rolled it out onto the

driveway and just sat on my new bike. I couldn’t believe it

was mine. I wished I had Jimmy and Barry there to show it

off to. After it got light enough to see I left the drive

and just kept going around and around the block. It was

almost time to eat when I finally got tired and came back to

the house.

Mother looked happier than I’d seen her in a long time.

When I walked in Karen was playing with her new doll and

Mother and Mr. Barton were sitting in the kitchen still

drinking coffee and laughing. It was the first I could

remember hearing her call him Larry.

Dinner was great and afterwards I took off on my bike

again. It was almost dark when I got back and I was so

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tired I fell asleep on the couch. Karen had gone upstairs

to bed and it was fairly quiet except for the stereo. When

I woke up and opened my eyes, I got the best Christmas

surprise of all. Mr. Barton and Mom were dancing real close.

I pretended to still be asleep but I kept watching them and

for the first time I thought of how great it would be if Mr.

Barton were to be my dad. Between songs they went to the

kitchen to get another glass of wine and I went up to bed.

I sure slept well that night.

After Christmas they started going places alone

together and leaving us with Miss Evans. As much as I

didn’t like Miss Evans, I was glad they were getting along

so well. Whenever I brought it up, Mother would still

insist that they were just friends. But, I could tell Mom

didn’t care for it when Miss Evans would flirt with Mr.

Barton.

“Mr. Barton was really a good friend, Larry, and I know

he’s one of the main reasons that I made it through those

years.” I looked at my son sitting, listening so intently

to what I’d been saying and continued, “In fact, he’s the

one I named you after,” I could see the cute smile begin to

spread across my son’s face as I spoke, “he’s your

namesake.”

Chapter Two

“Hi, Jim, come on in,” Mom said as she led the young

man through the hall and into the den where Karen and I were

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sitting. “Jim, this is my daughter Karen,” Mom smiled as

she held her hand and pointed toward Karen and then motioned

to me and added, “and my son Tommy.”

The man smiled broadly and winked at Karen and said,

“You’re going to be just as cute as your mother when you

grow up.” He then, without warning, stepped over to me and

squeezing my arm so hard it hurt said, “and, Johnny, you

sure are a big kid, I’ll bet nobody gives you any trouble at

school.”

Then he made an obnoxious noise that sounded more like

a pig grunting than a laugh.

“My name is Tommy,” I corrected him and went right back

to the book I’d been studying.

I already didn’t like this man.

“Mr. Randall is teaching my psychology class and

offered to help me study. He’s going to school too, like

us, but wants to be a professor someday at the college.”

Mom and the man went into the kitchen and laid out

their books on the table.

“Would you like something to drink, Jim? I have

lemonade made or I can make some coffee if you’d like.” Mom

was walking to the refrigerator as she spoke.

Jim did his stupid imitation of a pig grunting again.

“Sweetheart, we aren’t in class now, don’t you have any

adult drinks?”

Mom, being caught a little off guard, nervously looked

in the refrigerator.

“I think I have a few beers, if that’s okay?”

“That’ll be great,” the pig-man answered and grunted

again.

Mom fixed herself a glass of water and, before they

even got started studying, the three beers were nothing more

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than recyclable aluminum. I wasn’t really reading my

geography book anymore. The man talked so loudly that I

couldn’t concentrate anyway. I didn’t like how he was

talking to Mom one little bit. He was a little younger than

she was, and, he had a real smart-mouth. I knew Mom

wouldn’t like him either. I’d bet that she was as eager for

him to leave as I was.

The next morning I went to Larry’s garage to work with

him.

“Mom had a guy over last night to study with.” I

looked at Larry to see what his reaction would be then

added, “I didn’t like him at all!”

“Yeah, I know,” Larry answered without looking up from

what he was doing, “he’s a graduate assistant at the

college.” Larry noticed my questioning look and explained,

“A Grad Assistant, or G.A., is a student who’s finished

their first degree and is paid to help teach while they get

another degree.” After he could tell I understood he added,

“Your mom is having trouble with psychology and he’s helping

her.” Larry then looked at me straight in the eyes and

asked. “Why didn’t you like him, Tommy?”

“He kept calling her ‘Sweetheart’ and ‘Babe’ and he

wasn’t very nice to me,” I spoke sarcastically and made a

disgusted look as I continued, “and besides, he wasn’t even

being very nice to her either.”

“Well, I’m sure your mom just wants to study with him

so she can make a good grade in her class.” Larry looked

back down at his work and I could tell he didn’t want to

continue this conversation.

We got to working on a model airplane that we’d been

making and soon had forgotten all about Jim Randall. Larry

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was my best friend I guess. He always had something

interesting and fun to do.

It was Saturday and that evening Larry was going to

come over for dinner. When he got there he winked at me

before turning to Mom.

“Tommy said that your date with the professor went

pretty well last night.”

He was smiling but it quickly faded when we all noticed

that Mom didn’t smile back.

“Jim Randall is a very intelligent young man. He is a

graduate assistant at twenty-two years old and will probably

be the youngest full professor the college has ever had. I

only wish that other people around here could be as

ambitious as he is!”

I couldn’t believe how she’d come down on Larry that

way. I also couldn’t believe how she could stand up for

that jerk! I knew she’d hurt Larry’s feelings and it got

really quiet for a few minutes and then remained

uncomfortably tense until time to eat.

Larry told her he was only kidding and kept trying to

change the subject but all through dinner that night Mom

kept talking about school and Jim Randall! Larry didn’t say

much at first but I guess he finally got fed up.

“If this Jim Randall is so great then why didn’t you

invite him over to dinner instead of me?”

“Well, next time I just might!” Mom spoke with a scowl

on her face. “I’m sure he would be a lot more enjoyable

company!”

There wasn’t another word spoken by any of us and as

soon as we finished eating, Larry said he needed to be

getting home without even offering to help with the dishes,

which he’d always done before.

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After he left I told Mom that I thought she had hurt

Larry’s feelings, and she said that she didn’t care. If he

couldn’t understand that she was in college to improve her

self then he wasn’t really a friend anyway. And, she could

have other friends, too, without his approval.

I went to bed but couldn’t sleep. I’d thought that Mom

and Larry were more than friends and I knew that Larry had

thought the same thing. I’d seen them kissing several times

and Larry was always giving Mom flowers and things. Why

had Mom talked to Larry that way? Why had Mom taken sides

with that jerk Jim? I couldn’t help crying a little and

when I finally went to sleep I had a bad dream about Daddy.

He was in a lake drowning and was too far out for me to

swim and try to help him. Mom and that Jim were laughing

and talking and wouldn’t listen to him calling for help. I

tried to tell them but Jim just started his stupid pig-laugh

and was poking me in the stomach and saying that I was too

nervous. Mom told me that Jim knew what he was talking

about and that Daddy would be all right. They went back to

talking and laughing and I watched as Daddy kept going down

in the water. I started calling for Larry to come help but

he was nowhere around.

I finally dove into the water to do whatever I could

but when I went in I felt the wetness of the lake and woke

up instantly. It took me a while to figure it all out. I

knew it’d been a nightmare, and I was awake now, but I could

still feel the wetness. I was so scared still, but suddenly

so embarrassed too. My sheets were soaked. I must have wet

the bed in my sleep.

Mom didn’t say anything to me the next morning as she

stripped my bed to wash the sheets. I helped her carry the

mattress out beside the pool to dry in the sun. I thought

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that nothing could ever be worse than my embarrassment right

then. But, the worst part was when I heard her on the phone

a little later.

“Jim, this is Susan,” there was a pause as she listened

to the other person, “well, actually not so good,” another

pause, “I’m afraid I might have a problem and thought you

could help. We had this friend of Tommy’s over last night

for dinner, you know the neighbor man I told you about, and

we got into an argument that upset Tommy and last night he

wet the bed.” She paused for several minutes this time. “I

know you’d warned me about Tommy making such good friends

with an older man like that but it had always made him so

happy until now. What do you think I should do?” There was

a long pause this time. “Okay, that sounds best to me too.

Thanks, Jim, and I’ll see you tonight.”

Mom didn’t know I had been listening. She hung up the

phone and came into the den where I was sitting.

“Tommy, I don’t think you should be seeing Mr. Barton

for a while. He has upset you, and I want you to stay away

from him and his house.”

I was too upset to say anything and went out into the

backyard and spent the rest of the day alone.

Chapter Three

“Jim, don’t! The kids must still be awake and I don’t

feel comfortable with this with them right upstairs. What

if they were to come back down?”

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“Sue, Sue, Sue, they won’t come back down and even if

they did, it would be good for them to see their mom is

human and has a good romantic relationship. Many prominent

therapists believe that it is a good practice to let the

children see you in romantic situations.”

“I don’t care what prominent therapists think; I’m not

comfortable with it!”

I could hear Mom walking toward the kitchen as she was

speaking, and then the water running in the sink.

“While you’re in there, would you get me some more

scotch? I need something to help me release my tension.”

Jim sounded drunk already. I doubted that Mom would

give him anything except an invitation to leave. I got out

of bed and sneaked to the top of the stairs so I could watch

her throw him out of the house. I couldn’t believe my eyes

when I saw her walking back into the room with a glass in

her hand. And, to top it off, she was telling him that she

was sorry for getting onto him! She told him how lucky she

was to have him and how he could probably have any of the

younger girls on campus and she was lucky he was with her.

He started his dumb laughing again and started saying things

about how he liked an older gal who knew what she wanted,

and Mom sat close by him and acted like a stupid puppy being

petted. I went on back to bed and cried myself to sleep.

The next morning, after Mom stripped the sheets and

helped me carry the mattress outside again, we sat down to

breakfast. I didn’t even look at Jim, much less talk to

him. I cringed when Mom told me that she wanted me to go

for a ride with Mr. Randall after breakfast.

I really didn’t want to go at all but, but I did. We

drove in silence for several blocks before he spoke.

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“Tommy, I know you have been through a lot with your

father dying.”

What did he know? If Daddy were here right now I’ll

bet he would get rid of this jerk!

“Why don’t you think of me as your new dad? If you

have any problems you can tell me about them.” As he was

talking he pulled into a convenience store parking lot.

“What would you like to drink? Coke? Pepsi?”

“I don’t care; anything,” I answered real abruptly.

“Come on now, Tommy, let me at least be your friend.”

He went in the store and when he got to the counter I

saw him talking with the clerk. She was smiling at him and

he was taking a long time to pay for whatever he had. When

he got back into Mom’s car with me he handed me a Mountain

Dew. I hate Mountain Dew! He had also gotten himself a big

can of beer. We drove around for a while; then he drove our

car back to our house. When we got there Mom was waiting at

the door.

“Well, did you boys work things out?”

Before I could even tell her how he had flirted with

that clerk, he answered, “We had a great time! I think

Tommy and I are going to be great friends now.”

I didn’t quite know what to say, so I said nothing. I

didn’t like him when I first met him, I haven’t liked him

since, and I sure didn’t like him now!

Miss Evans started coming to visit very often. It

seemed that Mom and Jim were always going somewhere and

staying out late. He didn’t sleep at our house, but he was

always asking to stay over. Mom, at least, was putting her

foot down about him sleeping there with her.

One evening, about four months after Jim started coming

over, Mom was still upstairs getting ready when he got

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there. Miss Evans answered the door and told Jim that Mom

wasn’t ready yet. Jim winked at her and said that he didn’t

mind at all and that she was welcome to keep him entertained

while he waited. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing!

She went over to him and got real close and started

pretending to dance with him.

“I can be real entertaining!” she spoke while

practically rubbing herself on him.

“I’ll just bet you can, Sweetheart,” Jim answered in a

very low voice.

They kept dancing and holding each other until they

heard Mom coming down the steps. They didn’t think anyone

had heard them, but I had heard! I heard it very clearly!

And I’d seen how they were acting, too.

But the next morning when I told Mom about it, she

slapped me on the face and said that I was making things up

to cause trouble for her and Jim. I had been spanked

before, but I was really shocked about how she had hit me on

the face this time. I guess I learned right then that Jim

was first with her and I might as well accept it. But I

didn’t have to like it!

Jim was using our car most of the time now. He only

had a bicycle that he would ride, and lately he’d stop by

only to get the car. I didn’t mind that much going on my

bike to the store for Mom and Karen, but it really made me

mad that Jim was always in our car. And to make things

worse, he even asked Mom for gas money, on a regular basis!

Mom had told Karen that we couldn’t afford for her to take

ballet lessons, but she could afford to give this jerk our

car and gas money. He probably spent the money on beer

anyway!

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One day, while Mom and Jim were gone somewhere, I was

in the front yard and saw Larry in his garage. I looked and

Miss Evans was in the backyard with Karen so I decided to go

talk with him.

“Hi Larry, what you been doing?”

“Tommy, it sure is good to see you,” Larry looked past

me at our house, then finished his sentence, “but won’t your

Mom get mad that you’re here?”

“She’s not home. She and that jerk went to the river

or something and Miss Evans isn’t looking,” I had a devious

smile as I talked to my old friend.

“I don’t think you should call him a jerk, Tommy,” Mr.

Barton spoke out loud; then, with a sad smile he added sort

of under his breath, “I think rat is a better description.

A rat is a rodent that takes advantage of a free meal

anywhere he can find one!”

I don’t think he intended me to hear that and I didn’t

let on that I had, but I sure remembered it for a long time.

The jerk made sounds like a pig but he was actually a rat!

We had a nice visit, but Mr. Barton told me that he

didn’t want to see me get in trouble and maybe I shouldn’t

come over again until my mom said it was OK.

Well, Mom and the rat got home late that night and he

sounded loud and drunk when they came in, and it woke me up.

“Gina!” Jim practically shouted out Miss Evan’s first

name. “You can be the first to congratulate us on our

engagement!”

“Oh Jim, you are going to embarrass her,” Mom said as I

heard her walking into the den.

“Everyone kisses the bride but how about a kiss for the

groom-to-be?”

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After a brief pause I heard Mom shout, “Hey! What’s

taking you two so long?”

The next morning Mom stripped the sheets from my bed

and as we were carrying the mattress down toward the back

door, Jim shouted from the kitchen, “Don’t help him hide his

problem! Take that mattress out to the front yard to dry!”

Mom argued a little, but finally gave in and we had to

put the wet, stained mattress in the front yard for everyone

to see. I was so embarrassed.

They then told Karen and me what I already knew. Karen

didn’t seem to mind, and I didn’t say anything. I just

wanted to die!

Chapter Four

“Why do I have to have my name changed?”

“Because Jim and I decided that we are going to be a

real family. And I want you to start calling him Daddy too,

Tommy. He loves you and your sister, and I know you’ll love

him back if you give it a chance.”

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I didn’t want to be adopted, especially by this jerk!

I didn’t want to be Tommy Randall! I wouldn’t have minded

at all being Tommy Barton but I really, really didn’t want

to be Tommy Randall! They had only been married three days

and were gone for two, and now they wanted me, and Karen, to

start calling him Daddy! When he came into the kitchen for

breakfast, I excused myself and went to the den.

“Well, good morning, honey,” I heard Mom say in the

kitchen. “What would my baby like for his first breakfast

in his home?”

“First of all some coffee, then whatever you fix will

be just great. How did Tommy take the news about the

adoption?”

“Oh, he’s being a little stubborn about it, but I know

he will adjust to it. I just want everything to get to

normal as quickly as possible.”

“Sue, I do think we are right in getting everything

done as quickly as possible. That will be the best for

everyone. After breakfast, let’s call Gina to come and

watch the kids so we can do all of the business today. I

have a list of things, and I’ll bet we can do them all in

one day. We can have my name added to the home and car

insurance and you and the kids added to my medical

insurance, by phone. Then we can go to the courthouse and

file the adoption papers and have my name put on the house

and car titles. The only other stop will be the bank to add

me to the checking, savings and bankcard. I’ll bet by early

afternoon we can really be a family!”

“Jim, you are so organized. I’m so glad to have

someone to help me with all of the business things. I

really love you.”

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It was nearly six o’clock, and Miss Evans was really

pacing the floor.

“Where are they? I told Susan I had a date tonight,

and she said they should be back by two or three.”

She wasn’t really talking to me, but I answered her

anyway, “Maybe Mom decided to take him out of state and drop

him off.”

Miss Evans gave me a look of disgust, then went back to

pacing and looking out the front window.

“Well, finally!” Miss Evans said as we saw Mom’s car

pull into the drive.

My heart leaped when I saw he wasn’t with her. I hoped

that somehow I had been right, and she had gotten rid of the

rat!

“Gina, I’m so sorry we’re late. We lost track of time

with so much to do. Jim will be here in a little bit and he

has the money. If you can’t wait, I’ll pay you tomorrow

morning. Sorry.”

Miss Evans hurried out the door; then, Mom turned to

Karen and me and smiling said, “You two want to go for a

ride in a brand new convertible?”

At that moment I saw Jim pull into the drive behind our

old station wagon in a sports car.

“We are going to need another car anyway, and Jim has

always wanted one like that,” Mom smiled, pointed at the car

that the jerk was driving, then finished, “so we bought it

for him.” Mom’s smile couldn’t hide her slight apprehension

that I could see, and she tried to brush it aside by quickly

adding, “Now go hop in and we’ll all go cruising.”

I have to admit it was fun riding around with the top

down. He was even sort of fun too. He and Mom were

drinking wine or something and they had gotten sodas for

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Karen and me. We drove for hours. When we finally came

home, we were all exhausted and went straight to bed.

Except for him. He stayed outside, just sitting in the car.

I thought about when Mr. Barton and Mom had given me the

bicycle Christmas before last and how I had wanted to stay

outside on it all night.

The next morning was Monday. Mom fixed breakfast and,

having an early class, had to leave early.

“Jim, the wagon is blocked in. Can I drive the new car

to school?”

“No, I’ll move it out of the way,” Jim said quickly,

“I don’t mind, and besides I have plans for the car today.”

Mom seemed a little put off but didn’t say anything

else. She kissed us goodbye, said to do good in school, and

gave him a quick kiss as they passed in the yard when he was

coming back in from moving the convertible. He came back

into the kitchen and went straight to the phone.

“Hi, Judy, this is Jim Randall. Can you ask Ed to

teach my classes today? I have something really important

that I need to do today. Thanks, sweetheart, and I’ll see

you tomorrow.”

He immediately looked in the directory by the phone

then started dialing again.

“This is Jim Randall, Tommy and Karen Randall’s father.

Well yes, but the adoption papers are filed and I prefer

they start being called by their new last name. Anyway, the

reason I’m calling is to say they won’t be at school today.

We have something that we need to do and I wanted to let you

know. Yes, they will be there in the morning. Thank you.”

I wondered what was going on but didn’t say anything.

Karen was not so quiet.

“Why aren’t we going to school, Mr., uh, Daddy?”

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Karen and I had just finished breakfast and had put our

things in the sink.

“We’re going to play hooky today, kids. Tommy, go get

the ice chest and you two put on some more comfortable

clothes.”

I ran upstairs and put on some shorts. I then ran out

to the shed and got the ice chest and brought it into the

kitchen where Jim was getting soda and beer out of the

refrigerator. We put the top down on the car and headed

out.

“Where are we going?” I asked him as he pulled into the

convenience store on the corner to get ice.

“Where do you want to go? This is your day and I’m

just along to drive.”

“I want to go to Ride-World!” Karen yelled out.

Ride-World was a kiddie park and I quickly suggested

that I would rather go to the arcade at the mall.

He smiled and said, “Well, rather than argue, what do

you say we go to both?”

We really had fun that day. We went to Ride-World

first and then had lunch at the really neat pizza place at

the mall before going to the arcade. ‘Dad’ was pretty good

at the games but I could beat him most of the time. When we

were leaving and walking toward the exit of the mall we

passed an electronics store and I noticed a video game, I’d

been wanting, on display in the window. We went in and

looked at it, saw another we both liked better, and left

with it and a robot for Karen. When we got home it took us

a while to hook it up to the TV, but we finally did and we

were playing it intently when Mom walked in.

“Just where were you today, Jim?” Mom spoke sternly,

paused, and added, “And why weren’t you at work?”

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She seemed upset by her tone of voice, but stopped

abruptly when she came in the den and saw Karen playing with

the robot and us playing the video game.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Dad spoke quietly, “I should

have told you what I was planning but I really didn’t know

until you were leaving this morning, and I wasn’t sure until

you had already left.”

It was obvious that Mom was upset, still, but I think

she was also happy to see Dad and I getting along so she

didn’t say any more about it.

Chapter Five

“Tommy, now can we get rid of that dangerous old go-

cart?”

Dad had wanted me to stop riding it ever since he moved

in. Looking back I wonder if safety was really the reason

though. Maybe it was just because Larry Barton had made it

for me. Or possibly because it was too small for him to

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ride too! Well, whatever the reason, I was ready to say

goodbye to it now! I just couldn’t believe that I had my

own, brand new, Honda three-wheeler!

------------------------

When I had gone downstairs that morning before anyone

got up I just knew that they had forgotten me. There was

not a single package under the tree with my name on it. Was

the first Christmas with him here going to be the first of

many bad ones? Then about six o’clock Mom and Dad got up

and went into the kitchen to make their coffee. They’d been

friendly with me but not a word had been said about any gift

for me. Karen came down and she had several neat things

under the tree. While she was opening her stuff Mom and Jim

had some eggnog and exchanged their gifts to each other.

They were all friendly to me, but that was all I seemed to

be going to get. I didn’t say a word though. If that was

how it would be then I didn’t care!

Then Karen looked around the room, turned to me, and

loudly enough for everyone to hear, asked me where my

presents were.

Mom and Jim both got this confused look on their faces

and both started looking under the tree and around the den.

They were asking each other if either of them had remembered

me. Then Jim looked at me and said that sometimes people

just don’t, for whatever reason, get any presents under the

tree, and that he was sorry and wanted to talk with me about

it. He led me outside to the garage saying he wanted us to

be alone. I just knew that I was going to get one of his

psychology talks. But then, there in the garage by his

convertible, it was!

---------------------

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“Oh Dad! I just can’t believe it! It’s really

perfect! Yes! I don’t think I will want the go-cart

anymore.”

Dad showed me how it worked and I took off. It had so

much power, and I hated it that I couldn’t leave our street.

I knew it could outrun a lot of the cars on the streets, and

I wanted to go faster than I could there on our short

street. Dad told me that when it got light I could go into

the field at the end of the subdivision but until then to

stay on the street and pull off if any cars came by. The

go-cart had been fun but on this, my three-wheeler, I could

sit up higher and it went so fast! This was the best day of

my life.

“Tommy is on cloud nine out there.”

“He was sure getting worried there for a while, wasn’t

he?”

“It was funny to watch him but I did feel a little

cruel.”

Mom and Dad both came outside just about the time it

was getting light, and after watching me go up and down the

street a few more times signaled me back into the drive.

“Come on in and have breakfast, Tommy,” Mom said with a

smile.

Before I could complain Dad added, “Right after we eat,

you and I can go down to the field and really give it a

try.”

My excitement, and still feeling the vibrations from

the handlebars in my arms, made it a little hard to eat. I

kept dropping my fork and spilled milk all over the table

when I dropped my glass. It took forever for everyone to

eat breakfast. I knew I couldn’t get up until everyone

finished and Karen was just so slow!

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“Mommy, can I have some more toast, please?”

“Karen, if you don’t hurry and get through I’m going to

break your new dollhouse!” I blurted it out before I could

stop myself, and knew I shouldn’t have said it.

“Tommy, don’t talk to your sister that way! If you are

going to be hateful, then you can’t go back outside!” Mom

gave me a very stern look as she spoke, then turned to Karen

with a smile and finished, “Karen, of course you can, and

take your time if you want.”

I felt terrible. I knew I shouldn’t have jumped on

Karen that way but she is just so slow!

“Sue, darling, I know that we always eat our entire

meal together but this one time, would you two ladies excuse

the men?”

Mom started to object but Dad was kissing her on the

ear and as she fought him away, she gave in.

“Oh all right, you two little boys are being too rowdy

for ladies anyway.”

Dad rode his bike behind me to the street that dead-

ended at the field. There was no way he could possibly keep

up though and I got there a long time before he did.

I turned around and went back to where he was, then

turned and passed him again. I made the trip to the field

and back to pass him several more times before we both got

there. This was the fastest three-wheeler in town! Dad and

I walked through the field and marked off a track with tree

limbs sticking in the ground. We made sure that there were

no hidden holes or rocks and after we felt sure it was OK,

Dad said he would make the first trip.

“Dad, Dad!” I yelled as loud as I could as he made his

third pass, “I want to ride now!”

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He finally stopped after the fourth circle, and talking

loudly above the beautiful vrumm-ta-da-da-da of the engine

said, “I made some pretty good tracts in the grass so it’ll

be easy to see the route. Are you ready now? Here you

are.”

He got off and let me jump on. “Go slow at first until

you get used to it and be careful.”

It was great! It cornered so well and it would

actually leave the ground on the three small hills. After a

few trips around I had learned to give it full throttle just

before the top of each hill and it was like I was flying. I

could feel the vibration, and my ears sang with the sounds

of the engine. I knew that if I were in a real race that I

would already be the best rider there. I went around the

hairpin curve, flying over three hills, then down the

straightaway toward the street again, and again, and again.

Then it happened! My heart sank into my stomach! It

just couldn’t be true! Had I lost consciousness? All of my

feeling was gone. The whole world just seemed to stop.

“Hey! What are you doing, Tommy?”

Dad’s voice broke the silence. Then I realized that

the engine had stopped and I was sitting on the stopped bike

in the middle of the field.

“It must have run out of gas, Tommy. Push it over

here.”

When I got back to the street, Dad looked in the tank

and, sure enough, it was empty.

“I’ll go back to the house and get the gas can, you

wait here with your bike.”

I still felt numb as I watched Dad ride away. I just

sat on my bike, still almost able to feel the vibrations

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even though the engine was dead. I couldn’t believe it was

mine, really mine!

Chapter Six

“Sue, there will be plenty of time for me to finish my

Ph.D. later. Right now I just want to spend more time with

the kids.”

“But Jim, you are so close now, and if you don’t take

those courses this semester they may not be offered next

fall.”

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“Honey, they will be offered when I’m ready to take

them. Don’t worry about it. Besides, with the two classes

I’m teaching this semester I don’t have enough time anyway.

Plus, this is your last semester, and with the load you’re

taking it’ll give me more time to help you.”

Mom and Dad had been arguing about it all evening. I

wished they’d stop. It was really the first argument they

had gotten into that I could remember and it was upsetting

Karen. I don’t know what the big deal was anyway about Dad

being a “doctor.” They had sort of explained that even when

he finished he wouldn’t be able to operate on people or even

help us with a cold. Big deal!

I didn’t want to go to school today either. I just

wanted to stay home and ride my three-wheeler. Dad and I

had been riding it all day, every day, since Christmas and I

was getting pretty good on it. Dad rode it a lot too but I

guess he had the right to since he bought it for me.

The day sure dragged by and by the time school was out

I was more than ready to get home. I never realized before

how slow the bus went. I know that by the time it had made

the rounds I could have already been home if I had just

walked home from school.

When Karen and I got off the bus, I tried to get her to

hurry with me to the house. We turned the corner to our

street and noticed Miss Evan’s car in the drive. I thought

Dad was going to be home, and I also knew I couldn’t take my

bike to the field by myself. I felt terrible. I bet he was

out driving around town in his convertible drinking beer.

Then I saw his car in the drive in front of hers. Maybe he

was home waiting for me and called her to watch Karen. We

ran through the yard and opened the door.

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“Kids, come in the den and sit down.” Miss Evans

sounded and looked worried. “Jim, uh, your dad was in an

accident and is in the hospital. Your mom is on the way

there from school. I talked to the hospital people, and

they said he would be fine but would have to stay a couple

of days. He has a broken leg and some cuts, but that is

all.”

I didn’t know quite what to say, but then I remembered

that his car was in the drive and it had looked all right.

“What happened? How did he get hurt?”

“They said something about a motorcycle, but I’m not

sure.”

My mind whirled, and then I jumped up off the sofa and

ran to the garage. When I opened the door I didn’t see my

three-wheeler anywhere. I screamed toward the open door,

“Miss Evans, where is my bike!”

“I don’t know, Tommy. I told you everything that they

told me.”

It couldn’t be! He wouldn’t have taken my bike without

me. It must be at the shop getting adjustments or

something. It had been running a little rough yesterday.

I’ll bet he was at the cycle shop and when he was coming

out, had been hit with someone else’s bike. My train of

thought was broken when the phone rang and Miss Evans

answered it.

“Hello, this is the Randall residence… Oh hi, Sue, how

is he? No, I don’t mind at all, we’ll be right there.”

She hung up the phone and turned to us. “Your mom

wants me to take you to the hospital. Put up your books and

let’s go.”

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We walked in the room and Dad was lying in bed with

bandages all over him. Mom seemed more like she was angry

than she seemed worried.

“Dad, what happened?” I asked, then immediately added,

“And where is my three-wheeler?”

“Your dad wrecked your three-wheeler, Tommy! He was

drunk and he wrecked it!”

Dad didn’t say a word and he wouldn’t even look at me.

I was eleven years old, and knew I was too old, but I

started crying anyway. I just couldn’t believe that my

three-wheeler was wrecked. Dad finally spoke in a slurred

voice.

“Don’t worry, Tommy. We’ll get it fixed for you.”

“No, we won’t!” Mom yelled loud enough for practically

everyone on the floor to hear. “It wasn’t insured and the

shop said that it was too badly damaged to repair. Besides,

this proves that it is too dangerous anyway!”

He didn’t have the right to wreck my bike. Why was he

always drinking and messing things up? I knew Mom well

enough to know it would do no good to argue. I hated Jim!

He’s such a jerk, just such a rat jerk!

On Friday, he came home from the hospital and it didn’t

take long for Mom and him to make up. He promised that he

wouldn’t drink anymore, but still he couldn’t talk her into

getting me a new bike. He tried so hard that I couldn’t

stay mad at him either. But I sure missed my bike.

Early that spring he bought a small boat and trailer.

It was just large enough for all four of us to go out on the

river. Mom and Karen didn’t like to fish so they didn’t go

very often but Dad and I went nearly every Saturday. I had

never caught a fish before, and Dad said he hadn’t caught

many either, but we had fun.

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One Saturday we had just been fishing for a short while

when Dad asked, “Tommy, we are real close and I think we can

trust each other, and I wondered if you could keep a

secret?”

“Sure, Dad. Guys have to stick together.”

“Well, you know that I promised your mom that I

wouldn’t drink anymore to try to talk her into letting me

get you another bike. And I know that I shouldn’t have been

drinking that much. But I sure would love to drink an

occasional beer while we fish. If we go to the marina and

get some beer and sodas, would you promise not to tell?”

I promised and he even let me sip one of the beers, but

I preferred my soda. I don’t know why he liked the beer. I

guess you have to be a grown-up to like it. We had a ball

drinking, fishing, and just cruising the river that day. We

even started going a couple of times a week after that.

Chapter Seven

“I think it is very important to go to the ceremony,

Sue. It’s the finale, the conclusion, no, the closure of a

very important episode in your life. My fondest memory was

my own graduation from college.”

“Well, that lets me know where our marriage stands!”

I could tell Mom was only joking, but I don’t think Dad

caught on.

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“No, that’s not what I meant. It’s different. Of

course our wedding day was important. But a graduation is…”

“Jim!” Mom interrupted Dad’s rambling. “I was just

kidding, now calm down. I just don’t want to do it.

Remember, you were younger when you graduated, but I’ll bet

you will feel differently if, I mean when, you get your

Ph.D.”

“Well, maybe,” Jim paused and thought before

continuing, “I guess so, but I still think it’s important!”

“Jim,” Mom spoke seriously, “I really think what’s

important right now is that I get a good job.” Mom

hesitated as if she weren’t sure if she should continue,

then did, “You, I mean we, have been spending money like

it’s going out of style and our savings account is getting

pretty low.”

“Oh Sue, we still have plenty of money left and we

don’t owe anything on the house and cars. Besides, an

accountant makes a lot, and with your grades, you won’t have

any trouble getting a good job. Plus, with the little bit

of money I make, we’ll be able to put back money into our

savings account.”

“You don’t make enough to pay for the utilities and

groceries, Jim,” Mom was quick to reply, “much less all the

things you have been buying lately.”

“Well, when I get my Ph.D. it will be different. A

professor makes a lot of money!”

I could feel the family vacation going down the drain.

We had been planning for a month or so on taking a really

great trip when Mom graduated, but it was sounding like we

couldn’t afford it now. When Dad first suggested that we

take a really neat trip together, we’d had trouble deciding

where to go. Karen wanted to see Mickey Mouse. I wanted to

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go to Yellowstone, and Mom wanted to go on a sea cruise.

But Dad won. He said that there was a really neat amusement

park for Karen, and we could take a long boat trip on Lake

Meade, and we could drive over to see the Grand Canyon and

even go down into it on mules for me. So we decided to go

to Las Vegas.

Mom and Dad had even gone out and traded the old

station wagon for a brand new van and everything was set.

But now could we afford it? Mom wasn’t joking anymore

and they both started talking really loud. When Karen began

crying, they both stopped arguing and told me and Karen to

go to bed.

I couldn’t go to sleep and I couldn’t quite hear what

they were saying, but I knew they were still arguing. I

strained my ears but they were talking so low I couldn’t

make out what they were saying.

I finally fell asleep and remember dreaming about being

in the new van on a highway. Mom and Dad were arguing about

which turns to take and where we would go. I needed to use

the bathroom, but they were arguing so much they didn’t hear

me when I told them. I was about to burst, and then finally

they stopped at a gas station. I ran as fast as I could to

the bathroom, but it was locked and before I could make it

to the office to get the key I just couldn’t hold it any

longer and my pants were getting wet. Just then I woke up

and realized that I’d wet my bed again.

It had been so long since I’d had an accident, but I

remembered how we had put the mattress in the front yard the

last time. It had been so embarrassing. I don’t know how I

managed it by myself, but I had it out by the pool before

anyone woke up. Nothing was said, not even when Dad helped

me carry it back up that afternoon.

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Mom took her last exam on that Thursday. Everything

was either in the van or packed and ready. Miss Evans made

Karen and me go to bed at the regular time, but I couldn’t

go to sleep. I was still awake when Mom and Dad got home,

but as loud as Dad was I would have woken up anyway.

“Gina! Sweetheart! You ought to go with us! We are

going to have a ball in old Vegas. You could easily get a

job as a showgirl,” I heard the pause before Dad finished

his sentence, “as good looking as you are.”

“Gina, ignore him. He’s just drunk.”

Mom sounded a little drunk too, but she was trying to

hide it. It didn’t take long for them to get to sleep and

the house got really quiet. Too quiet! Every time I almost

dozed off the refrigerator would come on and wake me up. I

don’t know if I ever really slept at all that night.

I was up and had the rest of my stuff in the van before

Karen got up. I helped her put her things in and then fixed

us both some cereal and toast. While she was in the den

watching cartoons, I went out front to double check the van.

I noticed Larry in his driveway getting ready to go to work

and yelled at him.

“Larry, did you know that we are going to the Grand

Canyon?”

“Really, Tommy? That sounds like a lot of fun. How

have you been doing? I surely have missed you and Karen.

Is she doing okay?”

“Yeah, she’s fine.”

“How is your mom, Tommy? I hope she is doing all

right.”

“She just graduated. We are taking the trip to

celebrate.”

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“Tommy, is Jim doing okay? I saw him get into the

accident on the three-wheeler that day. He was drunk when

he pulled out of the drive, and I tried to talk him out of

riding it drunk, but couldn’t. He drinks a lot, doesn’t

he?”

“Not anymore,” I said remembering my promise to Dad,

“and he doesn’t even limp anymore.”

“Well, Tommy, I have to go to work now, but you guys

have a wonderful trip, and I’ll keep an eye on the house

while you are gone. And,” Larry looked at me very seriously

and added just before getting into his car to leave, “Tommy,

if you or Karen need anything, ever, you just give me a

call, okay?”

I waved goodbye to Larry as he drove down the street.

We finally got out on the interstate and on our way.

The highway sounds quickly made me sleepy. The big chairs

in the van were so comfortable that I went to sleep before I

knew what happened.

“But Jim! You promised!” I heard Mom’s voice and knew

she wasn’t very happy.

“I know, but this is a vacation.” Dad sounded like a

kid begging for something. “It’s different, like last

night! And all I want is a six-pack for the road. Please?”

“Well, all right, but I am going to drive.” Mom had

given in, but I knew her well enough to know that she wasn’t

going to forget it.

We pulled into the next station and got gas, went to

the restrooms, and filled the ice chest with soft drinks,

ice, and Dad’s twelve-pack.

I had never slept in a motel before. I could hear

Dad’s snoring and I was sure Mom was asleep in the bed also,

but Karen and I were both wide awake in our sleeping bags on

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the floor of the room watching TV. Karen had slept most of

the day too. After a while Karen finally went to sleep, but

I just wasn’t sleepy. I finally got up and, real quietly so

as not to wake anyone up, got the keys to the van and went

outside.

I could see all the cars and trucks on the highway, not

far away, and sort of wished we were still driving toward

the Grand Canyon. I still wished we’d gone to Yellowstone

instead, but was eager to see the Grand Canyon too. I was

almost twelve and thought I probably could have driven while

everyone slept in the van. I got up in the driver’s seat

and pretended to be driving. I imagined that Mom and Dad

were asleep in the back seats and Karen on the back couch.

I was going down the highway and having no trouble passing

all of the slower cars. I looked down between the front

captain chairs and saw the ice chest. I opened it up and

down in the ice, which was now mostly water, were two Cokes,

a Mountain Dew, and one beer. I reached in and got the beer

out and opened it. I had a hold on the steering wheel with

my left hand, leaned back in the seat, and my right hand

held the beer. I pretended to be just cruising down the

road. I instinctively raised my right hand, bringing the

can to my mouth and took a drink. It still didn’t taste

good at all but after a while I forced myself to take

another, larger drink. I don’t know why grown-ups like it!

I suddenly panicked and got out of the van, ran to the

corner of the motel and threw the can as far as I could,

then sneaked back into the room. Crawling into my sleeping

bag, I hoped nobody had heard me and I lay very still for a

long time. I guess I finally went to sleep because I was

startled when Mom yelled.

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“Come on, everyone! If we don’t get moving we will

have to pay for another night!”

We all got ready and were in the van by nine o’clock.

We drove to the restaurant where we had eaten dinner the

night before and had breakfast and were back on the highway,

heading for the Grand Canyon, by ten.

My heart stopped, I couldn’t breathe, and I felt so

dizzy when I heard Dad. “Hey, I know that there were some

beers left in here last night!”

I started to speak up and say that there had only been

one, but caught myself.

“Well, it doesn’t surprise me, the way you were pouring

them down yesterday, Jim! Why don’t you do without beer for

at least one day?”

When Dad didn’t reply, I felt a little bit better. The

way Mom is always getting onto him about drinking, I know

that she would have killed me for what I had done.

By that afternoon we were within a few hours of the

Grand Canyon. I didn’t want to stop but was out-voted.

When we got off the highway we found a grocery store and

bought some picnic stuff. Dad had slipped another twelve-

pack in the cart, and Mom had given him a dirty look when

she noticed it at the check-out register.

We got back on the highway, but stopped at the next

rest area and had a picnic. Dad didn’t really eat anything.

He just drank a few beers while we ate. Mom didn’t say a

word, but when we started getting back into the van she

insisted on driving. I don’t think she looked at him or

spoke a single word to him all afternoon.

It was four o’clock when we got to the ridge of the

canyon. It was really cool. As many pictures as I’d seen

of it, I just couldn’t believe how cool it was.

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“Respirational!” Mom was the first to break the total

silence as we all stood and looked down into the deep, vast

network of canyons.

“Respir what?” I’d never heard any words like that and

was really confused about what Mom meant.

“Well,” Mom looked at me and grinned before explaining

herself, “Respiration is what breathing is called,” she

explained and I remembered it from school, “so when I look

at this, “she waved her arm at the Grand Canyon, “it takes

my breath away.” Mom seemed pleased with herself as she

finished, “So, this is truly respirational.”

There wasn’t enough time to take the mules down that

day but I just knew that we’d surely spend the night and go

tomorrow.

“You promised Tommy that you would go with him on the

mules.” Mom had a tone of disbelief in her voice.

“I know,” Dad agreed but added, “but our reservations

in the hotel start tonight and we have to pay whether we are

there or not. Maybe we can stop on the way back. If we

keep driving we can be there by nine or ten.”

But I wanted to stay. I was afraid something would

happen and we wouldn’t come back. But it was no use. We

loaded up and headed away. I looked back until it was out

of sight. It was really so respirational.

“One of the professors at school came out here last

year and won over three thousand dollars on the crap

tables.”

“Jim, I am going along with your drinking on this

trip,” Mom sounded really concerned as she spoke, “but I

don’t want you gambling away our money!”

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“Oh, don’t worry. I know when to quit! Besides, I

just want to have fun in the casinos, not make work out of

it. I’m not really a gambler anyway.”

The hotel was really neat. I couldn’t believe that a

hotel room could be this fancy. Karen and I had two beds

set up in a sort-of living room and Mom and Dad had a great

big bedroom with a huge bathroom with a shower and also a

tub that made bubbles. We called for room service and the

people brought our food up to us in the room. It was real

fancy and, even though they hadn’t ordered it, the hotel

sent up a big bottle of something for Mom and Dad. After we

ate, Karen and I figured out how to work the TV. We could

make it play almost any movie we wanted to see. It took a

while but we finally decided on one we both wanted to see

and lay down to watch it together.

“Not tonight, Jim.” Mom must have been arguing with

Dad again about something and I heard her as she finished

her sentence, “I’m tired and I don’t’ think we should leave

the kids in the room by themselves. We have plenty of time

anyway. We’re going to be here three days, after all.”

“Well, would you mind if I went down for just an hour

or so alone?” Dad was talking like a little kid and added

in even a more childish tone, “Please? I’ve never been here

before and just want to see it.”

“Oh, you’re such a child!” Mom shook her head as she

spoke. “I guess it would be OK, but just an hour,” Mom

agreed but quickly added, “and don’t gamble too much of our

money.”

I don’t know if Mom was awake when Dad got back but he

woke me up when he almost fell over my bed. I looked at the

clock and it was two-thirty. I didn’t hear anything from

the bedroom so I guess Mom didn’t wake up.

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“Honey, why don’t you take the kids to the amusement

park and I’ll stay here?” Dad didn’t sound like he wanted

to go at all.

“No, absolutely not! You told Karen that we would all

go with her and we’re ‘all’ going!” Mom didn’t leave much

room for argument with the way she spoke.

I was pretty bored. Karen had a pretty good time and wanted

to stay longer. But I was on Dad’s side and, after both of

us begged enough, we went back to the room early.

Mom, Karen and I put on our swimming suits and were

ready to go to the pool but Dad said he didn’t want to swim.

Mom didn’t argue and told him that we would meet him at the

restaurant at seven for dinner together.

Dad didn’t give Mom a chance to change her mind and was

out the door before us. He did meet us at seven in the

restaurant though for dinner.

After we ate dinner, I assured Mom that I was old

enough to watch out for myself and Karen and that we had

picked two good movies to watch anyway. Mom and Dad left,

but Mom called the room every five minutes during both

movies. She finally came back to the room around eleven

o’clock that night, but Dad wasn’t with her. I was still

awake and asked her where he was.

“Oh, he’ll be up in a little bit. He just couldn’t

leave the game right now and I was getting tired. Don’t

worry, and go on to sleep.”

I never did hear Dad come in that night. But the next

morning when we were ready to go to the lake he did finally

get up and join us in the restaurant for breakfast.

The boat trip was really neat. It was the most

beautiful lake I had ever seen, and we cruised around it all

day. Dad was really quiet that whole day. I guess he was

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tired, and Mom just ignored him. But we had a good time

anyway, as though he wasn’t even there.

That night we all went to a magic show. It was neat

the way the guy could make lions and tigers appear and

disappear. But the really best part were the girls that

were helping him. Man, were they beautiful! I couldn’t

believe how they were dressed! They were beautiful! They

were absolutely beautiful! I don’t think I’d ever seen

girls that beautiful.

After the show Mom said she was tired and went back to

the room with us, but Dad stayed downstairs again.

When we got up the next morning Dad still wasn’t back.

Mom was worried, and after she ordered us breakfast in the

restaurant, told us to wait there and she was going to look

for him. It wasn’t long before the two of them came back to

our table together, and Dad looked terrible. Mom never

looked at him or said a word during breakfast. After we

ate, we went back to the room and packed, then went down and

got into the van. Mom still hadn’t said a word to Dad and

if I hadn’t been able to see him, I would have sworn he

wasn’t even there.

“Well, I had a really fun time,” I said as we were

getting back on the highway. “Are we going back to the

Grand Canyon now? Are we still going to take the mules down

into it?”

Mom, driving the van, looked over her shoulder at me,

“No, Tommy. We can’t afford the detour. Jim spent a lot

more money than he should have, so you won’t be able to go

down into the canyon like he had promised you.

As Mom finished her sentence she smiled sympathetically

at me, then turned and glared at Jim before returning to

watching the road ahead.

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It was sure a lot longer trip home than the trip out

had been!

Chapter Eight

Mom and Dad didn’t seem to be getting along very well for

several weeks. I didn’t know if it was about the vacation

or just that Mom was so busy with her new job.

She had been hired at the very first place she went to

after we got back. At first she was so excited but her new

job was really hard and she seemed really tired all the

time. She said that it would get easier after she settled

in. I just wish she would settle in soon because we all

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missed her; even though she was home every evening by six or

seven, it seemed like we never got to talk to her anymore.

The college was making some cutbacks, and Dad wasn’t

hired to teach that summer. Mom had told him he should take

some classes, but he said nothing was offered that he wanted

to take that semester. Mom refused to let us call Miss

Evans to baby sit Karen so Dad and I could go fishing.

Karen didn’t like going fishing at all, so we didn’t go

anymore. I don’t think Dad really wanted to go that much

because if Karen was along he couldn’t drink. We both knew

that Karen would tell Mom anything and everything. Girls

stuck together too, like us guys, I guess.

“Susan, the day after tomorrow is Tommy’s birthday.

Would you mind if I called Gina to watch Karen so I can take

Tommy fishing?”

“Well, sure. I guess that’d be OK. If Tommy really

wants to go; it is his birthday, so sure. But you two be

sure to be home early. Remember, I am taking off a little

early and plan on fixing a special dinner and cake for him.”

The morning of the twenty-fourth we got up early and

had the boat ready long before Miss Evans got there. Mom

had already left for work and Karen was still in bed.

“Hi guys!” Miss Evans said as she came in the door

with nothing on but a bikini that showed everything.

When neither of us said a word, she suddenly stopped

walking and turned around to see what was wrong.

“Hi, uh, Gina. Thanks for coming over,” Dad stuttered,

then added, “Karen is still upstairs and there is sandwich

stuff and sodas in the fridge.”

When we got in the car and pulled out I mentioned how

small her bathing suit had been.

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“Yeah, it makes it kind of hard for guys to

concentrate, doesn’t it?”

“It was about as skimpy as the girls at that show in

Las Vegas,” I added and couldn’t hide my grin.

“So, Tommy,” Dad grinned back at me as he spoke, “you

were watching that too, huh?”

I probably turned a little red, and he knew good and

well that I had been more interested in the girls than the

magician.

We stopped and got beer and sodas then headed out to

the river. When we got on the water and started fishing Dad

asked me how long I had been interested in pretty girls.

“I like girls, Dad. I don’t know how long, but I have

liked girls for quite a while.”

“Well, you are growing up, Tommy. In fact, in a lot of

cultures around the world twelve is the age of manhood.”

“Really?” I asked. “Do you think I am a man now?”

“Well, you are nearly as tall as me already, and the

way you’re noticing the great-looking gals, I would say so.”

“Dad, do you think Miss Evans is good looking?”

“Sure I do,” Dad paused and obviously gave it some

thought before continuing, “and evidently you do too the way

you were looking at her in that little swimming suit she had

on today.”

“Well, yeah, I guess so.” I pictured Gina in her

swimsuit before going on with my original thought. “But do

you think Mom is still good looking too?”

“Why yes, of course, Tommy!” Dad looked at me with a

puzzled look, then finished. “She is a very beautiful

woman!”

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“If you think Mom is so beautiful, and you are married

to her,” I hesitated a moment before finishing my question,

“then why would you look at other girls, like Ms. Evans?”

“Well, Tommy,” Dad smiled as he explained, “a beautiful

girl is always fun to look at, and besides, being married

doesn’t mean that you are always happy,” Dad looked at me

and winked before adding, “in every way.”

I didn’t think I wanted to hear any more about that, so

I didn’t ask any more questions. Dad reached in the ice

chest and got a beer, opened it and took a long drink. Then

he set it down on the seat beside him and reached in and got

another. He opened it, handed it to me.

“Welcome to adulthood, Tom. Here’s an adult drink for

you.”

I had never been called Tom before. I knew that it was

my father’s name and it made me feel good to be called Tom.

I drank that whole beer and even part of another that day.

Dad had only gotten a six-pack and he only drank three that

day.

We talked about a lot of things. I asked him things

that I had always wanted to know, but had been embarrassed

to ask anyone. We didn’t catch any fish but it was a really

good day. At about one o’clock we threw away the remaining

beer and empty cans, loaded up, and drove home.

That evening Mom fixed a really great dinner and my

cake was really good. During dinner I noticed that Dad was

being really nice to Mom and she even seemed to be feeling

better too. They went to bed before Karen and I did. That

was the first time I could remember that ever happening. It

was really nice to see them happy again and it was a really

nice birthday for me.

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A couple of weeks later we all loaded into the van to

go for a Saturday drive. It was the first whole weekend Mom

had gotten off since she started her job and we were

celebrating.

We didn’t really have a destination. It was a pretty

day and we just went wherever we wanted to go. After we

stopped for lunch we pulled into a gas station to fill up

and get something to drink. Dad was pumping the gas and Mom

went in to pay and get the drinks. Just before she opened

the door to go in, she looked back over her shoulder and

yelled.

“Jim, honey, would you like beer instead? I’m so glad

you haven’t been dinking alcohol lately, and if you’d like a

beer now I think it’d be OK.”

“No,” Dad spoke without hesitation but he thought a

second before he confirmed what he’d said, “no thanks,

sweetheart. A soda is fine.”

It sure was a fun day. We all had a great time and

didn’t get back home until very late. I slept really well

that night.

“Sue, are you sure you’re all right?” Dad sounded

worried as he spoke to Mom.

“Oh, I think so,” Mom answered but realized she didn’t

sound too convincing so added, “I’m probably just not used

to working full time yet. I did make an appointment at the

doctor’s for Thursday though,” she hesitated before again

adding, “just to make sure. It has been over a year since I

had a physical anyway.”

Dad must have been real worried because he called Miss

Evans to come over on Thursday so he could go with Mom.

They were home by noon and, when they came in, they

were both acting really silly. They had all three of us,

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me, Karen and Miss Evans, sit on the couch in the den and

both of them were standing, or more like wiggling, in front

of us.

“Gina,” Mom spoke first, “I want you to hear this too.

Tommy, Karen, how would you like to have a new brother or

sister?”

I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t upset, or happy.

I just didn’t know how I felt. Gina instantly jumped up and

hugged Mom, then Dad.

“How wonderful for you both! I’m so happy! Plus I’ll

get a raise when I baby-sit.”

Mom and Dad seemed so happy that I guess it made me

happy too. Karen didn’t smile though. I don’t know why,

but she wasn’t happy.

When Mom noticed, she reached for her and asked,

“What’s the matter, baby? Don’t you want a little brother

or sister to play with?”

Karen pulled away and ran to the stairs crying and

saying, “We don’t need a baby! I thought I was the baby!”

Mom quickly ran after her and they went up the stairs

together.

Dad looked a little upset too but Gina hugged him again

and said, “Don’t worry, Jim. She’ll get over it. A lot of

kids act that way.”

Dad hugged her back and smiled. It seemed like they

hugged for a long time, and I couldn’t help thinking about

our little talk about how married men can still look at

other girls. I guessed they could also still hug the girls

they think are cute too.

Gina left, but said she’d be back by seven. Dad had

asked her to sit with us tonight because he and Mom were

going out to celebrate one last time. After all, with a

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baby on the way, they wouldn’t be able to go out again for a

while and Mom wouldn’t be able to drink anymore because she

was pregnant. Even tonight she said she was only going to

have a couple.

Dad was on cloud nine. Mom and Karen finally came back

down and Karen seemed a little bit happier. I wondered what

Mom had talked to her about to make things better. Mom said

she had an errand to run and would be right back. Dad was

still pacing around the house. It was funny watching him.

When Mom got back she had some stuff from the grocery store

and a bottle from the liquor store.

She mixed some frozen lime juice and rum in the

blender, added some ice, and turned the blender on. She

poured one large glass and two small ones. Then she made

another batch without the rum and poured a small glass. She

called us into the kitchen and gave Karen the last glass and

me one of the other small ones and Dad the large one.

“Tommy, you are twelve and going to get the

responsibility of being a big brother again, so I think you

are old enough for your first real toast.”

If she only knew! I was thinking about the beer with

Dad as I took the glass from Mom as she continued to talk.

“Here is to our ever-growing family.”

She and Dad raised their glasses so Karen and I did the

same. When we all took a sip, Karen said, “Ooh, this is

good.”

I had to admit that mine was pretty good too. Mom and

Dad kissed for so long that it embarrassed us. So, Karen

and I excused ourselves and left the room.

After a few minutes I yelled back into the kitchen,

“Hey, can I have another?”

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“Don’t push it, Tommy!” Mom yelled back and we all

laughed.

Dad continued to float around the house and Mom kept

fixing him more of the frozen drinks, laughing at him, and

not seeming to mind his drinking at all.

At seven they were ready and as soon as Miss Evans

came, they left saying that they might be late if it was all

right with her. Miss Evans just smiled and told them to

have a good time.

As they were going out the door Mom said, “Jim, maybe I

should drive tonight.”

Dad, getting the convertible keys out of his pocket,

replied rather loudly, “Oh, don’t worry. I’ll be careful.

Let’s put the top down and really enjoy this beautiful,

beautiful night!”

Chapter Nine

“Tommy, what’s in the blender?”

As I went into the kitchen I explained to Miss Evans

what it was and how good it was.

“Well, I think I’ll try a glass instead of just pouring

it out.” Ms. Evans took a glass out of the cabinet and

poured about half of the remaining drink in her glass.

“Can I have some more too? Please?”

“Why Tommy, your mother would kill you, and me too!”

Ms. Evans looked surprised that I’d even ask her

something like that.

I explained that I’d already had one glass, and after

she made me promise not to tell, she poured the rest of the

drink into my glass, and we sat at the table and drank them

together.

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While we drank and talked, I couldn’t help but imagine

what it would be like to be her boyfriend. I think, for the

first time, I noticed that she was, like Dad had said,

really cute.

We could sit here and fix another batch of this drink

and talk. I’ll bet she would start liking me a lot.

Then we could put Karen to bed and turn the stereo on

and dance. I wondered what it would be like to dance with

her. I wouldn’t let on that I had never really danced or

anything before. While I was daydreaming, I guess I was

sort of staring at her.

“Tommy! What are you staring at?

Miss Evans broke my trance. I didn’t know what to say.

I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t say anything.

I quickly got up and took my not yet empty glass to the

sink, poured out what was left, and left the room.

Miss Evans came in a few minutes later and joined Karen

and me. We all three watched a movie together that was on

TV, and when it was over, Karen and I went up to bed. I was

still thinking about Miss Evans as I went to sleep.

I was dreaming about being older and being Miss Evans’

boyfriend when my dream was interrupted.

Then the doorbell rang! I woke up and then heard it

ring twice more real fast. Then I heard a knocking on the

door. I figured it was Mom and Dad and they had, maybe,

left the house keys here. I started to get up, but I heard

Miss Evans going down the hallway. There was another ring

of the bell and more knocking.

“I’m coming, just a minute!”

I heard Miss Evan’s voice as she was hurrying to the

door. I heard the door open and some voices, too low to

understand, from my bed.

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“Oh no! No, no!” I heard Ms. Evans cried out loudly.

Miss Evans was talking loud but the other voices were

still too low to understand. I heard the movement as they

all went into the den and could now make out what the other

voices were saying too.

“The truck hit the passenger side of the car. It

happened so fast that I know she didn’t suffer. It just

happened so fast.”

“Is he going to be all right?” Ms. Evans asked after a

moment or two.

“We think so,” the other man’s voice said. “He is

pretty shaken up, but not seriously injured. They took him

to Memorial Hospital.”

“Should I get the kids up and take them there now?”

“No, they couldn’t see him tonight anyway.” One of the

men spoke a little louder now. “It might be best to wait

until morning. There’s really nothing any of you can do

tonight.”

My mind was racing, figuring out what they could be

talking about. But every time I tried to believe something

different, it came back to what it just had to mean.

I got out of bed and put my pants on as I heard the men

leaving. I staggered down the stairs. My legs weren’t

working right. I saw Miss Evans sitting on the couch with

her head in her hands crying. I managed to make it to the

couch and sat down beside her.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” I asked nearly crying

myself.

Miss Evans hadn’t heard me come down and really broke

down crying harder when she saw me.

“Oh, Tommy, it’s terrible, so terrible! There’s been

an accident and Sue, your mom, is gone.”

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Even though I’d heard the men talking. Even thought I

knew what had happened. Even though I knew that Mom was

dead, I started laughing! I had tears in my eyes that were

running down my face, but I was laughing. Not the type of

laugh that comes from something funny, but a laugh that

couldn’t be controlled. I just knew Miss Evans would think

I was something terrible and bad. I just knew she would

probably hit me for being so weird, but I couldn’t stop

laughing.

My insides hurt. I felt as though I might throw up.

My legs grew weak and my muscles started to shake

uncontrollably. Instead of hitting me or telling me off,

Miss Evans just sat patiently. She must have understood my

hysteria.

Then as Miss Evans put her arms around me and held me

tight, we both started crying. After what seemed like a

very long time, we mostly stopped, but every time we tried

to talk about Mom, we started crying again. We wanted to

talk about things, but just couldn’t, so we held each other

and cried.

When Karen got up, Miss Evans had to explain all over

again and started us all crying again. We just sat and

cried together until it was almost light outside.

Miss Evans called the hospital; then, she told us to

get dressed and that we could go pick Dad up.

We were all real quiet on the way to the hospital.

When we got there Dad was waiting in the lobby. Miss Evans

ran to him and gave him a hug. He had some bandages on his

face and his arm was in a sling.

“Oh Jim, it’s so horrible. We’re just glad that you’re

okay.”

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Dad started to cry and, hugging her back, said, “My

baby, my only baby, he’s gone, he’s gone!”

------------------

“So,” young Larry had been silently listening to his

Dad tell the story but couldn’t help asking, “my Grandma

died in a car wreck?”

“Yes,” Tom looked at his son and added, “and your other

aunt or uncle too.”

Chapter Ten

Uncle Charlie had told me on the phone that he and Aunt

Irene wanted us to stay with them in Glendale during our

visit. I hadn’t seen them in four years and Karen didn’t

really remember them. Karen and I had both wanted to stay

there, but Dad decided that we should stay in a motel

instead. He said that he’d never met them and would feel

uncomfortable in their house.

The trip to Glendale was a lot longer than I thought it

would be. Dad hadn’t said much since the accident, and the

van was silent except for the usual road noises that you

hear on an interstate highway.

When we got there, and checked into the motel, Dad told

us to stay in the room and that he would be in the club if

we needed him. Karen and I were so tired that we went

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straight to sleep, and I didn’t even wake up when Dad came

back.

The next morning Dad looked terrible. His eyes were

red and he seemed to be in a really bad mood.

“You kids better hurry if you want to eat breakfast

before the funeral.” Dad spoke as we were getting dressed.

“Are we coming back here afterwards?” I asked.

“No, I think we’ll probably just load up and head back

tonight.” Dad grabbed a couple of the suitcases that were

on the floor and added as he went to the door, “Let’s go

ahead and check out. I have a meeting with someone at home

tomorrow afternoon.”

We loaded up the van, and it was eleven o’clock by the

time we got to the restaurant. We were too late for

breakfast, but we really weren’t very hungry anyway.

We drove in that same silence to church. I recognized

most of the streets on the way, and even saw the school I

had attended years before.

I wondered if my old friends, Jimmy and Barry,

were still around. I wondered if they’d built that tree

house. I wished we’d never moved away from here.

Glendale was about the same as I remembered, but it

didn’t seem nearly as large as it was before.

The funeral was at the Methodist Church. I remembered

how frightening Daddy’s funeral had been at the other Church

and was sort of relieved that it wasn’t going to be there.

As we walked in, everyone came over and started crying

and hugging Karen and me. People that we didn’t remember at

all. I could tell they were Mom’s family because of the way

they were carrying on.

Then I saw Uncle Charlie and Aunt Irene. I managed to

get away from the others and ran over to them.

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“Oh, Tommy, you have grown so tall, just like your

father.”

Uncle Charlie held his hand out to shake mine but I

grabbed him and hugged him. I wanted him to make everything

change and for Mommy and Daddy to be here. Aunt Irene

reached over and took me from Uncle Charlie and was crying

as she too hugged and kissed me. After a long while, she

let me go and, stepping back a little, looked at me.

“Tommy, you are really growing up and look just like

Tom did…”

She burst into tears. I felt a tug on my jacket and

saw poor Karen standing behind me. She didn’t really

remember anyone and looked really scared.

Uncle Charlie and Aunt Irene both hugged Karen and I

think that made her feel a little better, but I could tell

she was still confused about everything. I really felt

sorry for her.

We sat by Uncle Charlie and Aunt Irene at the funeral

with Dad sitting by me on the end of the front aisle. I sat

through the whole thing staring at the coffin. I knew that

Mom was supposed to be in it, but I just couldn’t believe

it. It was closed.

We rode in the car with Uncle Charlie, Aunt Irene and Dad to

the cemetery. When we got to the place with the tent and

walked to it, I saw a tombstone by the hole in the ground.

It was Daddy’s grave. I really started to cry when I saw

it. I felt so abandoned, so lost and so empty.

I heard someone behind us whisper that now “they” were

together again, and I felt like I wanted to just die and be

with them too. It just wasn’t fair to me!

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“Jim, Irene and I have talked about it and Tommy and

Karen are more than welcome to stay with us.” Uncle Charlie

spoke to Dad right after the service.

“I don’t know,” Dad answered in a quiet voice, thought

a moment, then added, “I did adopt them and, he hesitated

again before finishing, “it is my responsibility.”

I was sitting in the passenger seat of the van, but

could hear very well what they were saying through the

driver’s window. I think that I really wanted to just get

out, take Karen, and go with them. But I didn’t say

anything as they continued talking.

“You are young, Jim, and the kids need a mom and more

of a family right now,” Aunt Irene added standing beside

Uncle Charlie.

Karen and I both listened carefully as the three of

them continued until finally Dad agreed that maybe we should

give it a try.

“Well, we’ll come to Fairmont next weekend and pick

them up,” Uncle Charlie spoke last as our van pulled away.

“You kids will be better off with your aunt and uncle

for now,” Dad said as we drove away from the cemetery. “It

will just be for a trial and if you don’t like it, then I

will come and get you. After all, I did adopt you.”

I was sort of glad, but also a little confused, and

Karen looked totally blank. She didn’t seem to understand

any of it.

The trip back to Fairmont was just as quiet as the ride

to Glendale had been. We got back late that night and just

left the stuff in the van and went into the house.

Karen and I just wanted to go to bed.

Dad went straight to the kitchen and was getting a

bottle out of the cabinet as we went up the stairs.

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It was almost noon when I woke up the next morning, and

Karen was already in the den watching TV when I came down.

Dad was still in bed so I fixed sandwiches for Karen

and me. I saw the empty bottle on the counter and threw it

in the trash. It was nearly two when Dad finally staggered

down the stairs.

“Why didn’t you wake me up sooner, Tommy?” Dad was

really grumpy and continued, “You knew I had a meeting

today. He’ll be here any minute!”

Dad was fixing coffee when the doorbell rang. I opened

the door and a man in a suit was standing there.

“Hello, you must be Tommy. Is your father home?”

Before I could answer Dad was coming through the

hallway to the front door.

“Hi, Mr. Lawrence. Thanks so much for coming over

here. Would you like a cup of coffee or anything?”

“No, thanks. I’m coffee’d out for the day,” the man

answered as Dad led him into the kitchen.

Karen was still watching the TV, but I could hear the

two men talking from where I sat on the couch.

“Mr. Randall, you know now that this is not going to go

easy for you. You have the previous D.U.I. and this time

there was a fatality involved.”

“But I was just a kid then.” Dad spoke defensively.

“They can’t use something that happened when I was only

seventeen, can they?”

“The courts are getting very serious about this sort of

thing,” Mr. Lawrence spoke with authority as he continued,

“and I assure you it will be considered.”

“Mr. Lawrence, how expensive will it be?” Dad sounded

really worried, “I have a little money left, but not that

much.”

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“I’m afraid the main concern at this point isn’t how

much money,” Mr. Lawrence then added, “and it will cost a

great deal,” Mr. Lawrence hesitated a moment before

finishing, “but the real concern is whether or not we can

keep you out of jail.” Mr. Lawrence didn’t wait for a reply

before he continued, “The one thing that will make a big

difference is the children. I don’t think the judge will

want to put them through any more than is necessary, so he’s

not going to want to see them without a father too. I think

that’ll be the best bet to get you only probation and not

actual jail time.”

They talked for a long time about different things and

Mr. Lawrence finally left.

Dad got another bottle out of the cabinet. After about

an hour Dad picked up the phone and dialed.

“Hello, Irene?” Dad hesitated a moment as he listened.

“This is Jim Randall,” he paused again, “the kids and I

talked on the way home yesterday and decided that for now we

should stay together.” There was a longer pause this time

before Dad continued, “They are in school here, and I don’t

think any more changes would be good.” This time there was

a much longer pause before he finished. “Well, we’ll just

have to see. Maybe later. Well, okay, I’ll let you know.

Goodbye.”

I don’t think Dad knew I had heard because he came in

the den and explained to us that right now Uncle Charlie,

Aunt Irene and he had decided that we shouldn’t move.

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Chapter Eleven

“Why do we have to move? My friends are here and I

don’t want to switch schools.” Karen sounded really sad.

“Now Karen, your brother isn’t putting up a fuss. We

need the money, and you’ll like the apartment. It has a

playground and a swimming pool too.” Dad tried to reassure

Karen.

“But we have a swimming pool here. I don’t want to

move!” Karen objected but finally gave up when she realized

it was no use.

The six months since Mom had died had gone by fast.

Jim had made us go to court with him every time he had to

go. He had said it was because he would feel better with us

there and wanted us to be aware of how a court works.

But I knew the real reason! The judge had given him

six years probation under the condition that he didn’t drink

or get in any other trouble during that time.

I felt so much like speaking up in court, but I didn’t.

He had already sold the van and bought an old Chevy

Chevette. Now that our house was sold most of the money was

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going to his lawyer and the court. He hadn’t been mean to

Karen or me, but he wasn’t doing anything for, or with, us

either.

I’d been fixing most of the meals, and all he did was

drink late every night and sleep all day. Except on the

court days, and then he pretended to be such a great guy.

If the judge had only known! He was a just a jerk! He was

just a rat-jerk! A drunken rat-jerk!

The day the moving people came, I left the house.

I’d been out just walking around the neighborhood and

was almost home when a car stopped and I heard a familiar

voice.

“Tommy, do you want a ride home?”

“Yeah, sure… Thanks Mr., uh,” I thought a moment and

decided to call my friend by his first name, “Larry.”

I got in Larry Barton’s car and he started to drive but

didn’t turn down our street.

“Tommy, what do you say we have a soda?”

“Sure, I’d like one. But I don’t have any money.”

“Don’t worry about that. It’ll be my treat.” Larry

looked over at me and smiled, then continued, “I understand

that you guys are moving?”

“Yeah, the van is there now. We have to move into an

apartment because Jim spent all of our money on his court

costs.”

“Well, sometimes things just happen, Tommy. I wish I

could help you, but I can’t. I hope you understand. I want

to but I can’t.” Larry was shaking his head back and forth

as he talked.

“I know, Larry. He is such a jerk. He only makes us

live with him so he can stay out of jail.”

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“Tommy, don’t say things like that. He is your dad and

you are going to have to live with him,” Larry thought a

second, then added, “whether you like it or not.”

“He is not really my dad! My daddy died a long time

ago. He is a jerk! He’s what you called him a long time

ago? You know, when Mom first started dating him?”

“I don’t remember, Tommy.” Larry shook his head again,

then added, “But I think you should try to get along with

him the best you can. And if things ever, ever get too bad,

you know that you can call me and I will do whatever I can

for you and Karen.”

“Thanks, Larry. I know that. And I also have an aunt

and uncle in Glendale who will help too. But why can’t we

stay here with you now?”

“Tommy, he did adopt you. And there’s nothing I can do

right now. If I could, I would. I hope you know that!”

We stopped and got a soda, and then Larry drove on home

and I got out of his car, said goodbye, and then went in our

old house.

Karen was still crying and Jim was drinking beer and

yelling at the movers when I walked in. They were just

about finished, and I think they were glad too. They

weren’t saying anything to him but Jim was really getting on

their case about everything. When they took out the last of

our things, that weren’t already sold in the garage sale,

Jim told us that we needed to go through the house and clean

up.

We worked the whole afternoon while he drank. The

house was still really dirty that evening, but he said it

was good enough. The people who had bought it hadn’t paid

enough anyway. If that was the case, I don’t know why he

made us work so hard all day in the first place.

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We drove to the apartment, and Karen and I saw it for

the first time. It was OK, but all the rooms were really

small. Our furniture didn’t really fit in the tiny

bedrooms.

The next day he dropped me off at the same school and

took Karen to enroll her in a different elementary school.

I felt so sorry for her. I was lucky, getting to stay in

the same school, and she hadn’t wanted to change.

He told us that he might be late getting home, if that

is what it was, and that I should fix supper for Karen and

me.

I had to ride a different bus home that day and hoped

Karen wouldn’t have trouble getting home by her self.

When I got to the apartment complex, I waited at the

place the buses stopped until Karen got off the bus. I was

so relieved to see her, and I could tell she was just as

glad to see me there!

“Tommy, I want to go live with Uncle Charlie and Aunt

Irene.” Karen spoke as we walked to the apartment.

“I know. So do I. Or at least go back and stay with

Larry Barton.” I had to agree with her even though I knew I

should be trying to make her think things would be fine.

“Could we live with him? In our old neighborhood?”

Karen asked and sounded so hopeful.

“He wouldn’t mind but I don’t think Jim would let us.”

I thought about telling Karen the whole, real, reason but

decided not to. “And he’s already said we can’t go live in

Glendale with Uncle Charlie and Aunt Irene.”

“Why not, Tommy?” Karen sounded really sad. “Just why

not?”

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“We just can’t, Karen!” I finally decided to end this

useless conversation. It was just too frustrating to dwell

on it. “We can’t, and that’s all there is to it!”

I fixed us some canned spaghetti, and we were watching

television when he came home.

“Hi, kids. I’m home early, and I have some great

news!” Jim looked at us smiling and, I guess, expected us

to smile with him as he spoke. “I’m going to be teaching

summer school at the college this summer and we will have

some money again.”

We both continued watching TV and practically ignored

him.

“Hey, come on.” Jim tried again to get us to smile.

“At least look at me.” When he realized we just weren’t

interested, he spoke under his breath as he turned to walk

away, “I am trying, you know!”

We finally did turn and look at him and noticed a grocery

bag in his hands. He had sat it on the kitchen table, which

was really part of the living room, and was taking out some

ice cream and stuff to make banana splits.

It looked good and I was up and on my way before I

realized what I was doing, but Karen was already ahead of

me.

We had fun seeing who could make the best banana

concoction. Jim didn’t drink at all that night, and we had

a fairly good time. After our treat, we sat down at the

table and played Monopoly until bedtime.

It was only a few more weeks until school was out for

the summer. Jim helped us with our homework and we went to

the movies and even did other things together. It was going

better and Jim was only drinking on weekends. He hadn’t

liked it too much when I started calling him Jim, but I told

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him that I was growing up and too old to be saying Dad. He

had said he understood, even though he didn’t, and even

started calling me Tom, instead of Tommy, which I preferred.

When school was finally out, he started to work. I was

in charge of the apartment and took care of Karen. We had

decided that I was old enough, and besides, we couldn’t

really afford a sitter anyway.

The first Saturday his job started, we decided to go to

the river for a picnic.

I got up before it was even light outside and Karen was

up soon afterward. By the time Jim got up we had everything

ready. We stopped at a fried chicken place and got our

lunch, and then stopped at the convenience store and got

soft drinks, ice, and beer.

It was a really pretty day, and we found a beautiful

spot on a hill overlooking the river. Jim and I played

Frisbee, and Karen sat and watched us and kept the score.

After we ate, we all went on a long walk along the

trail beside the riverbank. The water was so clear in the

river we could actually see the fish swimming.

“Tom, man, don’t you wish we’d brought the fishing

gear?”

Jim didn’t sound like he needed an answer so I didn’t.

But I agreed. I wish we could go fishing again like we’d

done before.

We made our way back to the table, and Karen grabbed a

cold soda out of the ice chest. Jim reached in and got a

beer, then reached back in and got another and handed it my

way.

“I think you deserve this, Tom. After all the things

you are doing that an adult is supposed to do, you deserve

an adult drink.”

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“No,” I thought a second then, with more certainty said

again, “no thanks, I just want a soda.”

I knew the beer wouldn’t taste good anyway and I just

didn’t like what they made people, like Jim, do. I didn’t

ever say anything, but I didn’t really like him drinking

beer either.

He just shrugged his shoulders and got me a soda

instead. He didn’t get drunk that day and we had a really

nice time. Maybe things were going to get better for Karen

and me.

---------------------

“Oh,” young Larry whispered so he wouldn’t wake his Mom

and Sister in the back seat, “I hope so.”

Hearing his son’s voice reminded Tom that he was

telling, and not just remembering, the story. He forced a

weak smile at his son before continuing his story.

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Chapter Twelve

Thirteen years old! A teenager!

I guess thirteen is sort of an unlucky number because that

summer wasn’t the best for a brand new teenager.

Sure, I got to sleep in every morning. Then every

afternoon I got to put on my swimsuit and head to the pool,

which was filled with girls in their swimsuits.

But the girls were all Karen’s age or younger! And

when an occasional older girl came to the pool, she wouldn’t

stay long because of all the noise and splashing of the

younger kids.

The only older gal who stayed most of the time was Mrs.

Dinkins. She was the mother of three of the kids and the

self-appointed lifeguard of the apartment complex. She just

lay by the pool like a walrus, she was as big as one and had

as many whiskers too, and read books. A lot of the other

parents trusted her to watch their kids, but I just didn’t

trust her to watch Karen. If something happened to Karen, I

don’t know what I would have done. I just couldn’t bear to

risk leaving her alone. She was really all I felt I had.

So even though I wanted to go hang out at the mall, where

the girls were, I didn’t. I spent every afternoon during

the week having kids splash water on me.

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The first month or so of the summer, Jim was teaching

something other than psychology and was having a little

trouble with his lessons at first. It was something for

students who were right out of high school, to help them get

ready for college in the fall.

On Saturdays, he would stay home and let me go do what

I wanted to though. The kids at the mall were there all

week and didn’t want me to be in their group only on

Saturdays, so I would usually just walk around town doing

really nothing at all. Anyway, it was sure nice to, at

least one day a week, be away from the little kids. The

closest thing to a girlfriend that I had was a couple of

Karen’s little friends who said I was their boyfriend.

On most Sundays, the three of us would go to the river.

It was OK, but Jim usually drank too much beer and most of

the time he would get mad about something or the other and

spoil the day. He could really be a jerk when he drank too

much. And that was really often.

Now it was the end of July and the summer was nearly

over. This Saturday Jim said that we would go to Water-

World to celebrate my birthday. It was a really neat place

and there would be girls my age there. I could hardly wait.

“Tommy, do you like my new bathing suit? I got it

especially for your birthday trip.” Denise smiled and did a

little turn around as she spoke.

Denise was going with us. She was one of Karen’s

friends. One of the little girls that thought I was her

boyfriend.

“It’s OK, Denise. Karen will be right down.” I didn’t

really know how to respond to her statement so I just, sort

of, changed the subject.

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I’d thought it would be a good idea for Karen to take a

friend along. Sort of keep her occupied and away from me

but now I wished she hadn’t asked Denise. I only hoped that

Karen and Denise didn’t try to follow me around the whole

day. We loaded into the Chevette and headed out.

“Tommy,” Denise spoke from the back seat where she and

Karen were riding, “can I ride the double slide with you?”

I didn’t answer her and instead turned to Jim.

“Don’t let them follow me around all day, Jim. Would

you please, please stay with them and let me be alone?”

“Hey girls!” Jim looked over his shoulder and winked

at Denise and Karen. “The three of us will have a good time

together, and we can let Tom go chase the women, okay?”

Denise looked like her feelings were hurt, but I didn’t

care. I wasn’t going to spend this whole day baby-sitting.

Water-World is a very large place with a lot of

different things to do and it didn’t take me long to lose

the children and Jim. I tried most of the things at least

once, but decided I liked the high waterslide the best. It

had a timer for speed competition against everyone else.

Plus, the starter, the person who said when to go and set

the clock, wasn’t much older than I was and she was so

pretty. My time was getting faster each trip and by the

fourth trip I could tell she was impressed and seemed to

like me.

“You’re getting pretty good.” She smiled and spoke to

me about the fifth or sixth time I climbed up to the

starting point. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Tom,” I answered her, but my mind just went blank

and I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Well, Tom, my name’s Jeanie.” She smiled and didn’t

hesitate a second before adding, “Get ready and go!”

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This wasn’t a very good run for me. I was a little

slow getting off the ramp and onto the slide. Jeanie is

such a cute name. I don’t know if I’ve ever known a Jeanie

before. I’ll bet she’s not that much older than me, and

besides, everyone says I am so tall that I look much older

than twelve, now thirteen, anyway.

I kept going on that slide over and over, and each time

she would talk with me more and more. She didn’t seem to be

talking with the other boys nearly as much as with me,

either. She would sort of talk with all the kids a little

bit, but she knew my name, and I knew hers!

Then it happened. I had completely forgotten about the

children being at Water-World too. I’d just gotten back in

line at the bottom of the stairs when I heard them.

“There’s Tommy. Hurry, we can be right behind him.”

Before I knew what was happening, Denise was in line

right behind me with Karen and then, Jim, behind her. I

started to get out of line and go somewhere else but I

wanted to see Jeanie again. I tried to ignore Denise and I

looked back and gave Jim sort of a dirty look. He looked

back at me apologetically and shrugged his shoulders to let

me know that it was an accident. I hoped he could manage to

get them away from here after this trip.

We all four got to the top and were in line together

when I stepped up beside Jeanie. Denise was still talking

to me so Jeanie didn’t say anything special. Then I heard

her say pretty loudly.

“Well, hi there, good-looking!”

I felt so proud but as I turned around to look at her I

noticed that she wasn’t looking at me at all. I was shocked

when I saw that she was looking straight at Jim.

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“Well, hi Jeanie.” Jim smiled as soon as he saw her

and then added, “I didn’t know you worked here.”

I was stunned. How did they know each other? On the

way down the slide I kept trying to figure it out. Maybe

she was the daughter of one of the professors at the

college. Denise, Karen and Jim were right behind me again

on the next trip up the stairs. I hadn’t said a word to any

of them on the way up the stairs, but I was really curious.

When it was my turn again, Jeanie took the opportunity to

explain things to me.

“Tom, I’m in your dad’s class at the college. I was

just telling him how fast you’ve been going.”

I didn’t even wait for her to set the clock before I started

this time. I got to the bottom and out of the water before

Denise, or the others, could get down to me and, quickly,

took off to another slide. I figured I would wait until

Karen, Denise and Jim left that slide for another one, then

go back and talk to Jeanie some more.

She was older than I thought she was if she was in

college, but I knew she liked me. I did wonder why she

called Jim ‘good looking’ though. She was much too young

for him!

I finally noticed Jim, Karen, and Denise had gone to

another area and headed back to the timed slide where Jeanie

was. When I got to the top, and up to Jeanie, she asked me

about Jim.

“Tom, I know your dad isn’t married.” She smiled and

looked away from me as she asked the next question. “Is he

dating anyone now?”

“No, he doesn’t date, I don’t think,” I answered just

as I took off down the slide again.

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Why was she so interested in Jim’s dating? What

difference could it make if a guy’s dad dated? Each trip

after that she would ask me about Jim or Karen or about

things we all did. It was getting close to the time we’d

agreed to meet at the pavilion for lunch. The next time up

the slide, Jeanie said that she was almost ready for a break

and wondered if I’d like to have a soda or something with

her. I couldn’t believe it. I told her that I would love

to, but that I had to go meet the others for lunch.

“Would it be okay if I went with you?” Jeanie asked in

a way that nobody could have refused.

“Sure, yeah, sure.” I was surprised at first but

quickly agreed. “I’ll wait for you at the stairs.”

When I saw her coming down the stairs, it was the first

time I had seen her standing up. She was really beautiful!

While we walked toward the pavilion area, she was still

asking questions about me, and my family.

“Mr. Randall, Tom said it would be okay if I joined you

for lunch.”

“Why, of course, Jeanie. And just call me Jim.”

“Or I guess I could just call you what every girl in

class calls you, good looking!”

Jeanie was smiling at him as she spoke. We set out the

things we’d brought for lunch on the table and Jeanie sat

down beside Jim. Before I could get to that side, Karen sat

on Jeanie’s other side, which left me on the other side of

the picnic table with Denise, who didn’t seem to mind at

all. It didn’t take me long to figure out that Jeanie was

more interested in Jim than she was in me. I couldn’t

believe that he would steal her away from me that way! I

was really ready to go on home right after lunch, but the

others wanted to stay longer. I finally gave in and let

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Denise follow me around, and we had a pretty good time on

all the other slides and stuff. Jim and Karen kept going on

the timed slide the rest of the day. I was really pretty

glad when we finally went home.

Chapter Thirteen

I think Denise had talked to Karen before we left

because when we loaded into the car Karen started to get

into the front seat with Jim.

“Karen, you never ride in the front! Get out of there

and in the back! I mean it!” I probably sounded more

hateful than I’d intended, but I’d just gone past my limit.

“Tom, don’t you talk to your sister that way. She

isn’t hurting anything, and if she wants to ride up here,

she can.” Jim gave me a really stern look as he spoke.

Jim sounded annoyed but I was not going to give in to

this ploy.

“Well, I’ll just walk home then.” I stepped back away

from the car and folded my arms across my chest and stood

still after I’d spoken.

“Sure, sure, it’s only nine or ten miles.” Jim shook

his head in disbelief as he spoke, then he added with a tone

that didn’t allow for argument, “Now get in the car. We’re

all tired and want to get home.”

This had been a terrible day. And it was my birthday

too! I went ahead and got in the backseat but let Denise

know, with a look, that her plan wouldn’t work. She moved

closer to her side of the back seat and I leaned against the

door on mine. But as small as a Chevette’s backseat is, we

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were still closer than I wanted to be. After a short while

I glanced over at her and did feel a little bad. It really

wasn’t her fault and she looked so hurt.

“Well, damn! Damn, damn, damn! I know good and well I

wasn’t speeding. Damn!”

I’d never heard Jim talk that way before and couldn’t

imagine what had happened. He was looking up in the

rearview mirror as he pulled off the road. I looked back

over my shoulder and saw the police car with its lights

flashing behind us and pulling over right behind us.

Jim just sat in the driver’s seat silently as the

officer walked up to the car.

“I need to see your license, sir.”

“But officer, I know I wasn’t speeding.” Jim sounded

really anxious and defensive and then added, “In fact, I was

going slower than fifty-five.”

“Sir, you failed to signal your turn at the last

intersection.” The officer had his ticket book out as he

explained and then asked again. “Could I see your license,

please?”

Jim reached into his back pocket and pulled out his

billfold still pleading with the officer.

“We’ve been to Water-World all day and are tired,

officer. I guess I just forgot to signal. I will be more

careful next time.” Jim finally got out his license and

handed it to the officer.

“This is a restricted license, Mr. Randall. Wait here

and I’ll be back.”

The officer went back to the patrol car and we sat in

total silence. After what seemed like a very long time, the

officer came back to the car.

“Mr. Randall, would you get out of the car, please?”

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Jim got out and the officer continued, “Mr. Randall,

you are driving with a suspended license and I am going to

have to take you in.”

“But it isn’t suspended!” Jim now sounded very

frightened. As Jim opened the door and started to get out

of the car to the officer’s orders, he added, “I am allowed

to drive in the daytime!”

“Sir, your restriction only allows you to drive to and

from work, appointments, or for household goods and

shopping.” The officer explained what he knew that Jim must

also know, then continued, “Please turn around and place

your hands behind you.”

Jim continued to plead as the officer put the handcuffs

on him and led him back to the patrol car where he put Jim

in the backseat.

I was really scared, and Karen and Denise were crying

when the officer came back.

“Now, kids, it’s going to be OK. I have to take your

dad in to take care of this matter, but another car is on

the way to give you kids a ride.”

About that time another patrol car pulled up in front

of our Chevette. A lady officer got out of the police car

and came back to our car. She was trying so hard to be nice

but we were scared. She tried to tell us that everything

was going to be fine, but her words did nothing to take away

our fears.

She took us to a juvenile detention center, and I just

knew that we were in trouble too. We figured we’d be locked

up even though there weren’t any cells or bars inside.

Instead we were placed in a room with a television, but we

didn’t feel like watching it. The lady officer was talking

to the warden at the front desk, and they were both looking

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over at us as they talked. I couldn’t hear what they were

saying though. Finally, the warden came to us and asked if

our mother was at home. I told her that my mother was dead;

Karen nodded as I spoke. Then, Denise said that her Mom was

probably home. I sure wished my Mom had been at home to

come get us and make things OK.

Why had Mom married him? Why had she left us with him?

He was nothing but trouble!

The warden wrote down Denise’s mom’s name and the phone

number, and then went back to the desk.

Were we going to have to stay here? Were they going to

take us to jail? For what seemed like hours, I kept

thinking about all of the things that might happen to us.

Finally, we saw Denise’s mom walk through the front

door, and Denise ran to her crying. I guessed that she was

going to be released, but what was going to happen to Karen

and me?

Denise’s mom talked for a long time with the warden

before she came over to us.

“Why don’t you two come stay with me until this is

settled?” She looked worried but did try to smile.

She didn’t have to ask again. Karen jumped up and

hugged her. We were so glad to leave that place, and on the

way home Denise’s mom said that we could spend the night if

it was necessary. I just wanted to go home. But I

couldn’t.

It was late when Jim showed up at Denise’s apartment.

He didn’t say much. He thanked Denise’s mom and we walked

to our apartment.

“Where’s the car, Jim?” I asked as we passed the empty

parking spot in front of our apartment.

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“They impounded it.” Jim hesitated then added, “It’ll

be Monday before I can get it.” He hesitated again, “But

I’m probably going to have to sell it anyway.” Jim bent his

head and looked down as he finished, “I can’t drive it any

more!”

He sounded upset so I didn’t ask him anything else. We

walked into the apartment and Karen went straight to her

room. I sat down in the living room and turned the

television on but wasn’t really watching it. Jim went to

the kitchen and opened a bottle and sat there silently

drinking.

On Monday Jim called in and said that he couldn’t make

it in to work. A man he knew came and got him and he told

us they would be back later.

“Tommy, what’s going to happen? What will we do

without a car?” Karen had been keeping quiet but as soon as

Jim left she immediately asked.

“I don’t know, Karen.” I shook my head and then added,

“But I won’t let anything bad happen to you. Don’t worry.

I’ll always take care of you!”

We just sat in the apartment that day.

Late that afternoon Jim came back. The man that had

taken him to work came in with him, and they sat in the

kitchen drinking beer and talking.

I heard them talking about getting the car out of

impound and selling it at a car lot. I knew from what they

were saying that the money from selling the car hadn’t been

enough to pay for the fines and everything and Jim was

worried about where he would get the rest of the money he

needed. The two of them must have each had six beers before

the man left; then, Jim got out his bottle of liquor and was

still drinking when Karen and I went to bed.

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During the next week, Jim rode to work almost every day

with someone different. I also noticed that he was taking

different things from the apartment each day and not

bringing them back in the afternoon. I guessed he was

selling our things to get the money for court the next

Monday. He must have finally sold enough because the day of

court he did come back home. I didn’t know what I would

have done if he hadn’t. I had thought a lot about calling

Larry, or Uncle Charlie, but hadn’t.

About a week later, while he was at work, the phone

rang and I answered it.

“Is Mr. Randall there?”

“No, he isn’t right now.” I knew not to say he was at

work in case it was someone, bad, who might come over

knowing no parents were home for the day.

“Would you tell him to call Mr. Lennox at First Bank

when he gets in?”

“OK, I’ll tell him.” I spoke as I was writing down the

number that he gave me.

The man thanked me and hung up. I knew that was the

bank where Mom had her checking and bankcard.

That night I told Jim about the call, gave him the

note, and he looked worried but didn’t say anything else.

The next afternoon Mr. Lennox called again. He said

that it was urgent that Jim give him a call. I told Jim

again, and after about four more days of this, Mr. Lennox

finally just told me that we were overdrawn on the checking

and bankcard and if he didn’t hear from Jim soon, that he

would simply have to take action. I told Jim that night and

he didn’t say anything. He just shook his head as he went

to the cabinet, opened the door, and opened another bottle.

It seems he always had enough money to buy those bottles

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even if there wasn’t enough for Karen and me to go to the

movies or anything.

That Saturday, which was now nearly the middle of

August, the apartment manager came to the door. It was

early and I was in the living room with Karen watching

television. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but I

could tell they were both upset. When the manager left, Jim

came into the living room and told us that we needed to move

closer to the campus. He said that without a car he needed

to be close enough to ride a bike, or even walk, to and from

work. He said he’d find a place but we should start packing

our stuff up during the next week and get ready to move.

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Chapter Fourteen

“Tommy, why do we have to move?” Karen asked but then

made a disgusting face and added, “I don’t like that old

house at all. It’s filthy and old and ugly.”

“Karen, I don’t like it either but we don’t have any

choice. Jim has spent all of Mom’s money and that old house

is all he can afford.”

“Why don’t we go live with Uncle Charlie and Aunt

Irene?” Karen was trying desperately to figure some other

way. “Or go back to our old neighborhood and live with Mr.

Barton?”

“I wish we could too, Karen,” I was in complete

agreement with her, but I knew we couldn’t and I tried to

explain it to Karen, “but Jim adopted us and there is

nothing anyone can do to help. He needs us to live with him

or the judge will send him to jail.”

“I wish they would send him to jail so we wouldn’t have

to live in that creepy old house.”

Karen was really upset about moving. I wasn’t happy

about it either. We had been working for two days moving

our belongings into that old house. Jim had a friend with a

pickup truck helping us, and this was the last load.

It almost seemed like Jim was enjoying it. He had

bought a lot of beer for himself and the friend to drink

while we moved. On every trip to the old house, he would

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talk about living near the college and all of the “party”

houses that were in that neighborhood.

We finally loaded up and, at least this time, Jim told

us not to bother to clean up. He said the manager had been

a creep and wouldn’t give us back the deposit anyway.

Denise came over to say goodbye to Karen as we were

about to leave for the last time. They were still talking,

and wanting to talk some more, when Jim told the guy driving

to go.

Karen and I were in the back of the pickup with the

furniture and Karen waved at Denise as we pulled out.

As we were leaving Denise called out at us, “Karen,

I’ll miss you…, and you too, Tommy!”

I waved at her and smiled.

The street that the house was on wasn’t even paved. It

was just a couple of blocks from campus. Most of the

streets around the campus were nice but this was just sort

of an alley that had little houses with no yards built on

each side of it. Actually most of them were just old

garages that had been converted into apartments. With all

the broken windows and so many boards falling off the sides,

nobody would think anyone even lived in them, but people

did, and I guess we would too.

The one we were moving into had been a house someplace

else. It had been moved there and put on blocks. It leaned

a little to one end and I wondered if it would fall over if

a storm came. It had a screen door, but the screen was

mostly gone. The door itself had a hole in the bottom that

looked like someone had kicked it. The living room was

small and Jim had put his bed there with the couch because

the house only had two small bedrooms. At least Karen and I

were going to get them! The bathroom was terrible. Even

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though we had cleaned it as well we could, the sink, toilet,

and tub still looked filthy. There were stains that looked

disgusting on all of them. The toilet didn’t flush right

and it took several times to get anything to go down. Plus,

you had to mop the floor every time you flushed because the

toilet leaked. The kitchen was just as bad. But at least

we still had our good refrigerator.

The cabinets were filled with roaches even after we

sprayed, and there was a hole in the wood floor under the

sink and you could tell that rats had been living there.

We did still have the television, but without cable or

even a real antenna, we could only get two fuzzy channels.

We tried to adjust that cheap little antenna so we could get

more channels, but it was just not going to work.

Jim said that we would get a phone later on, but we

just couldn’t afford it right then.

That first night was a nightmare. I wasn’t asleep yet

when I heard Karen scream. I ran into her room and she was

standing on her bed screaming and crying. I saw the rat on

the floor. It was huge! Jim was right behind me and as he

came into the room he grabbed the broom that was by Karen’s

door and started chasing the rat around the room. The rat

made it to the kitchen and under the sink where the rat

disappeared through the hole. We left the lights on the

rest of the night. Karen slept in my room with me, but I

never did go to sleep at all. Every time I thought I might

be able to sleep I’d hear a creak and thought it might be

that rat, or some of its friends, coming back. I just hoped

that rats were as afraid of the light, as humans were of the

dark. And, I wondered if the rats liked Jim. After all,

they were a lot alike.

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The next day Jim went to work and Karen and I worked on

cleaning the house some more. She was still trying to clean

the tub but the porcelain was almost gone and I kept telling

her she was wasting her time. I found some boards outside

that had fallen off the side of the house and nailed one

over the hole under the sink. I searched the house and

found several more holes and did the same to each of them.

I hoped I’d found them all.

When Jim got home that afternoon he had a grocery bag

under one arm and another small sack in his other hand. He

sat them on the table and I looked inside. He had bought

some sandwich stuff at the little store on the corner and

there was some bluish/white powder in a little jar in the

other bag.

“Tom, be careful with that!” Jim yelled at me and came

over and took it away from me when he saw I was looking at

it. “That’s poison, it’s cyanide.” He relaxed a little

when he had it in his hands, and then continued to explain,

“I got it from the chemistry lab from a friend of mine. I’m

going to mix it with cheese and get that rat.”

After we ate our sandwiches and had put everything

away, Jim rolled some of the powder into the leftover slices

of cheese. We all three went around the old house looking

for just where to put the poison. Jim wanted to make sure

we all saw every place he put it.

“You two be careful because this stuff is strong!” Jim

spoke with real concern and added, “But even just a tiny bit

of cyanide will kill any rat!”

That was the last week of summer school for Jim. He

went to work every day and I had found a park close by and

took Karen there every day. We sure didn’t want to stay in

that house any more than we had to.

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There was a library a few blocks away and we could get

books there, and then go to the park to read them. The

books were a kind of escape from the terrible things at that

old house. Reading those adventures helped take our minds

off the house and the rats and roaches. I guess our own

adventure would have probably made a good book too, but I

just didn’t want to have to even think about it anymore than

necessary.

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Chapter Fifteen

“Where are you two going?”

Jim was still in bed. We woke him when I bumped into

his bed as we were going to the door.

“To the park.” I tried to sound as calm as possible

even though he’d startled me. “We go to the park every

day.”

I kept walking as I spoke and Karen was right behind

me. We spent that day as we’d spent the last week, reading

at the park.

When we got home, Jim was already drinking again, and

he was on his way to becoming getting pretty drunk. As he

was getting dressed he told us he might be home, I couldn’t

believe he called that dump home, late. He told us that he

was going to some beginning-of-semester party.

We watched television until about ten o’clock that

night. But around ten Karen went to bed. About midnight I

finally fell asleep too, but woke up when Jim came in around

three in the morning. I could hear him stumbling over the

furniture and mumbling to himself. I hoped he wouldn’t wake

Karen up. She’d been having enough trouble sleeping as it

was. She just couldn’t forget that rat.

I heard him in the kitchen and I knew he was looking

for a bottle. He still managed to always keep plenty around

even though he said we were always broke.

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After about half an hour he finally got quiet. I guess

he went to sleep. Maybe he’d just keep sleeping and

wouldn’t wake up again. Ever!

Every night that week he went to some party, somewhere.

Half the time when he’d get back and start drinking in the

kitchen, he’d be so noisy that it would wake Karen up.

She’d always sneak into my room because she was afraid. Jim

never threatened or hurt Karen, or me for that matter, but

we just didn’t trust him. We especially didn’t trust him

when he was so drunk. If only he would just stay out all

night and let her sleep!

On Saturday he left earlier than usual. He said that a

bunch of the students he knew were meeting at a fraternity

house for a barbecue. He told us it was an early party and

he shouldn’t be too late getting home.

After he left the house I looked in the cabinet and saw

that he only had one bottle there, and it was about half

empty. I poured all but a little out in the sink so he

wouldn’t stay up drinking so late. Maybe that would help

Karen get a good night’s sleep.

That night he got back around midnight. I heard him go

straight to the cabinet and get the bottle. It didn’t take

him long to finish what little was left and he went to

sleep. Karen hadn’t been awakened.

For the next two nights I did the same thing with the

new bottles he’d bring home, and it worked again on both

nights.

The third night I found an unopened bottle and didn’t

think I should break the seal. I knew he’d figure that out.

He came in and after about an hour of drinking got really

loud again. Poor Karen woke up, and I guess she had taken

all she could take.

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“Would you just shut up?” Karen yelled at Jim as she

came out of her room and rounded the corner to come into

mine.

“What do you mean shut up?” Jim snarled back quickly,

hesitated, and then added, “Little lady.” Jim’s speech was

slurred badly, but I could tell he was mad. “Young lady, I

pay the rent here and I’ll be as loud as I want to be!”

He was yelling at her at the top of his drunken voice.

I quickly jumped out of bed and ran to the door and got

between Karen and him.

“You leave my sister alone!” I was as tall as Jim, and

at that moment wondered if I weren’t as strong too. “You’re

not our father! You only want us here to keep yourself out

of jail!”

“Why, you little punk…”

He had started toward me but I shut the bedroom door in

his face. I was really afraid he was going to come in and

hurt us both, but he didn’t.

We both sat on the bed and listened as he sat back down

and drank, and cussed, and drank.

The next night he was gone again to some other party.

I poured most of what was in the only bottle we found into

the sink, and then brought Karen into my room with me.

“Why did you pour it out, Tommy?”

I explained to her what I’d been doing and we both

laughed at how stupid he was. We were both still awake when

he got in that night. We’d left the door to my room partly

open so we could watch him.

He came in and staggered to the kitchen. He opened the

cabinet and got out the bottle. This time he did notice

that some of it was gone and started yelling at the top of

his lungs. I just knew that we were in real trouble.

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“Someone has been drinking my liquor! I thought so

before, and now I know it! I marked this bottle before I

left tonight and now most of it is gone!” Jim was mad but

he also had a very evil grin as he yelled at us. “Tommy!

Karen! Get your butts in here! Right now!”

I was really scared. I told Karen to stay in the

bedroom and I went into the kitchen alone.

“Tommy,” Jim looked right at me and held out the bottle

as he spoke, “has anyone been coming in here when I’m gone?”

“No,” I could hear my voice cracking with fear as I

continued to answer him, “no, I don’t think so.” I thought

really fast and then added, “But Karen and I go to the park

a every day and the lock on the front door doesn’t work that

well.”

“Well, I want you to keep a closer eye on the house,

from now on, when I’m not here. You hear me?”

I was so relieved and went quickly back to the bedroom

where Karen was still peeking through the doorway. We

watched him as he finished most of what was left in that

bottle. He was pretty drunk when he’d gotten home, but now

he was really drunk.

Just before he drank the last of it, his arm just

stopped in mid air as he was lifting it to pour it in the

glass. We saw him grin. It was an evil grin on his face as

he went over and began digging in a drawer. We watched as

he found the container with the cyanide in it. He kept that

stupid drunken grin as he poured the powder into the almost

empty bottle and then put the lid back on. He shook the

bottle really well and then placed it back in the cabinet.

But this time he put it right in the front of the cabinet

where it would be easily seen.

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“Now we will just find out who’s stealing from me!

Nobody gets away with stealing from me!” He was so drunk

that he barely made it to his bed before falling soundly to

sleep.

The next morning, before he woke up, I got the bottle

out of the cabinet and was going to throw it away.

“What if he misses it and gets real mad, Tommy?”

Karen was right. He might get mad enough to hurt us

both. Plus, he might figure out that it had been me all

along pouring out his liquor.

I decided to simply put it in a different cabinet. That way

no one would be able to find it and accidentally drink it.

But if he said anything about where it was, then I could

pretend to help him find it, and he would never know that he

hadn’t put it in the other cabinet by mistake.

After all, he’d been so drunk that he couldn’t possibly

remember exactly where he’d put it in the first place.

The next day he went to the grocery store and got a few

things to eat. He also went to the liquor store and bought

some more bottles. If he had missed the other bottle, he

hadn’t said anything. I’m not sure he even remembered

yelling at us the night before. I was afraid to touch his

bottles again and so he got back on the same routine of

going to parties, coming in late, drinking and being too

loud.

Karen was sleeping in my room all the time now. I

think we both felt safer with her there. He wasn’t violent,

but we really didn’t know what he might be capable of when

he was that drunk.

One night, a few days later, he came in about two

o’clock. He was as drunk as we had ever seen him. Karen

woke up when he tripped over his bed going to the kitchen.

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He had fallen against a rocker and it had broken as he fell

over it.

It took him a long time to get up, and I was wondering

if he might have been hurt really bad. We had the door to

my room slightly open and were both watching him.

He did get up though and, partially staggering and

partially limping, made his way into the kitchen, cussing

all the way.

He opened the cabinet and got out his last bottle,

opened it, and drank the last large swallow that was in it.

He really started cursing loudly now as he dug through

that cabinet looking for another bottle. He lost his

balance again but, this time, caught himself on a kitchen

chair and sat down.

For a long time he just sat in that chair cussing and

mumbling.

Then he managed to get back up and go back to the

cabinet and felt around in it again. He still didn’t find

anything so he opened another door and looked where the

glasses were, feeling around and knocking some of them out

and onto the floor.

They crashed down and most of them broke. He then did

the same where the plates were, breaking a lot of them too.

The third cabinet he opened was where I had hidden the

bottle days before.

He reached in, knocking the flour and sugar out on the

floor, and then he found it. He suddenly had a smile on his

ugly, drunken face as he staggered back and fell into the

chair.

He reached down and picked up one of the unbroken

glasses from the floor. He then slowly twisted the lid off

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that almost empty bottle of liquor and poured all of what

was left into the small glass, nearly filling it.

“Tommy,” Karen’s voice cracked as she whispered in

fear, “shoudn’t we say something to him?” Karen paused as

she watched Jim slowly raising the glass to his mouth. She

then turned her face from him and looked at me as she

whispered again, “Shouldn’t we warn him?”

I thought for a short moment and began slowly shaking

my head back and forth, and I still remember quietly

whispering back, “No,” I remember pausing again for just a

second before finishing, “no, Karen. Cyanide kills rats.”

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About the writer

 Rich Eubanks has been a lot of things in his life.     At eight his family moved from a small town farm to a college town and he got his first job as a paperboy.     At twelve he also began working at restaurants and by high school he was night manager of a popular college restaurant.     After graduation he went into the Air Force and spent almost seven years as a Combat Controller.  In this elite outfit he was an Air Traffic Controller, survival expert, and master parachutist among other skills.     During his last year of service he met his love and they decided the military wasn't for them, so he took his discharge and became a police officer in his hometown of Norman, Oklahoma.     Law enforcement just wasn't financially rewarding enough and after a couple of years Rich decided to get into sales and spent fifteen years in auto sales and sales management allowing his wife to complete her education.     But during all of these years, and jobs, Rich loved to write.     So, as planned by the two of them, when Carol, Rich's wife, finished her Master's at the University of Oklahoma the two moved to Florida where Rich could write full time.     For a year Rich did just that but soon realized that writing is an art, and very few artists make a good living at their hobby.     So, Rich found a job with the Postal Service that wasn't mentally demanding and allowed him to continue, if only part time, his passion.     Along with tons of other things over the years, Rich has written eight chapbooks and three young/adult novels.

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