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How to Influence Difficult People and Smile While Doing It

Emotive

Reserved

Inquire Advocate

ObjectivePreciseThoroughDetailedRationalControlled

DecisiveToughCandidEfficientResults-orientedPragmatic

SupportiveEmpathicLoyalGroup-orientedTeam focusSharing

CreativeEnthusiasticHumorousEnergeticFocus on visionPromoter

Relater

DirectorAnalyzer

Expresser

How to Influence Difficult People and

Smile While Doing It!

Dee Daley , Atlanta, GA Independent Consultant

Please Don’t get comfy…You will be moving soon

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Move To Your AssertivenessLocation

Inquire

Assertiveness OrientationASK TELL

Stand where you feel you are on the Assertiveness orientation continuum

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Inquire

EMOTIVE

RESERVED

Responsiveness Orientation

move to your responsiveness dimension

Stand where you feel you are on the responsivenessorientation continuum

About Dee …

Dee is NOT certified in:

A. Authentic Happiness

B. Six Sigma Black Belt

C. Scuba Diving

D. Prosci ADKAR

Dee did NOT work at:A. GEB. ATTC. Home DepotD. SunTrust Bank

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What to expect?

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For starters…

•Move fast and hit highlights.

•After session, see toolkit for details

• I am not a psychologist… I am a practitioner of this information

•Be engaged...have fun!

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References

Material is based on the work of Dr. David Merrill and Roger H. Reid and Robert Bolton & Dorothy Grover Bolton

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what we are doing

1.Overview of Social Styles

2.Identify your predominant Social Style

3 Discuss

your issues & /dislikes

of other styles

4. Learn how to identify the Social

Style of others

5. Practice the skill of

style flexing

6.Obtain your

Take Home Tool

Kit

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social styles

The name we give to the patterns of behaviors that others can observe is Social Styles.

Your style is what others see, hear and observe when they interact with you. ..the tip of the iceberg.

Behavior based theory – not a psychological profile

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What % of the people important to your success are different than you?

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3 out of 4 people differ from you…

• Plan differently• Are motivated for different reasons• Differ in willingness to take risks• Make use of time differently• Make decisions differently• Handle stress differently

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1.Overview of Social Styles

2.Identify your predominant Social Style

3 Discuss

your issues & /dislikes

of other styles

4. Learn how to identify the Social

Style of others

5. Practice the skill of

style flexing

6.Obtain your

Take Home Tool

Kit

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Emotive

Reserved

Inquire Advocate

Relater

Analyzer Director

Expresser

Dominate social style

1

2

4

3

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How to identify your social style?

Two behavioral variables or dimensions:

•Assertiveness (Action Orientation) the degree to which a person's behaviors are seen by others as forceful or directive.

•Responsiveness (Emotion Orientation) the degree to which a person's behaviors are seen by others as emotionally controlled.

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Positive characteristics

Emotive

Reserved

Inquire Advocate

ObjectivePreciseThoroughDetailedRationalControlled

DecisiveToughCandidEfficientResults-orientedPragmatic

SupportiveEmpathicLoyalGroup-orientedTeam focusSharing

CreativeEnthusiasticHumorousEnergeticFocus on visionPromoter

Relater

DirectorAnalyzer

Expresser

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1.Overview of Social Styles

2.Identify your predominant Social Style

3 Discuss

your issues & /dislikes

of other styles

4. Learn how to identify the Social

Style of others

5. Practice the skill of

style flexing

6.Obtain your

Take Home Tool

Kit

Let’s

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What irritates you about your opposite style?

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Perceived negative characteristics

Emotive

Reserved

Inquire Advocate

CriticalIndecisiveStuffyPickyMoralistic

PushySevereToughDominatingHarsh

ConfirmingUnsurePliableDependentAwkward

ManipulativeExcitableUndisciplinedReachingEgotistical

Relater

DirectorAnalyzer

Expresser

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Back-Up Styles

Emotive

Reserved

Inquire Advocate

Relater

DirectorAnalyzer

Expresser

Attack

Autocratic

Acquiesce

Avoid

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Social styles in a nutshell

• There are four social styles, none of which are better or worse than any of the other styles

• US population is evenly divided among the styles

• We are all four style people

• Each of us has a dominant style

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1.Overview of Social Styles

2.Identify your predominant Social Style

3 Discuss

your issues & /dislikes

of other styles

4. Learn how to identify the Social

Style of others

5. Practice the skill of

style flexing

6.Obtain your

Take Home Tool

Kit

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Identify Social styles: assertiveness orientation

Left of the Line Behavior Right of the LineAsk/Inquire More Ask versus Tell Tell/Advocate MoreLower Energy level HigherLess Gestures MoreSlower Pace of movement QuickerSlower Speech speed RapidTalk less Amount of talking Talk moreSofter Speech volume LouderMore Deliberate Decision making QuickerLess direct, less forceful

Expressing opinions More direct and forceful

Lean back Posture Lean toward people

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Identify social styles: responsiveness orientation

Below the Line Behavior Above the Line More reserved Emote Emote more than others Less disclosing Express feeling More openLess Facial expressions MoreIdeas, things and tasks Focus PeopleMore formal Dress More casualAlone Working preference With othersLess comfortable Small talk Comfortable, use more

antidotes and stories Structured Use of time Less structured in use of

timeControlled Gestures Animated

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Which style is best for business success?

Source: Bolten and Bolten Social Style Management Style, Developing Productive Work Relationships

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Which style is best for business success?

Different management styles can produce the same favorable resultsSource: Bolten and Bolten Social Style Management Style, Developing Productive Work Relationships

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What correlates with business success ?

Versatility: The extra dimension

The ability to modify/flex your style to opposite styles when some tension may exist.

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1.Overview of Social Styles

2.Identify your predominant Social Style

3 Discuss

your issues & /dislikes

of other styles

4. Learn how to identify the Social

Style of others

5. Practice the skill of

style flexing

6.Obtain your

Take Home Tool

Kit

A gift you can “open” immediately

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Style flexing

Style flex is the temporary adjustment of a few of your behaviors to make the interaction more comfortable for the other person.

When is it important to style flex ?

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How to style flex

1. Know your dominant style

2. Identify style of other person

3. Identify what behaviors you will add and subtract

4. Develop your style flex plan

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A Key to Success- Flex Your Style When you wish to influence others in who you find difficult

Emotive

Reserved

Ask

DANAnalyzer

Expresser

Style Flex Plan

Emotive

Reserved

Ask Tell

Relater

Director

Objective of the meeting

Your Style

Their Style

Assertiveness Dimension

_________Increase

_________Decrease

_________Same

Responsiveness Dimension

_________Increase

_________Decrease

_________Same

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Increase Assertive DimensionBody:Erect or lean forwardIncrease frequency of eye contactVoice/Words:Speak and decide more quicklyMore conviction in your delivery

Style flex preparationRemember the toolkit

Decrease Assertive DimensionBody:Lean backExhibit less energyDo not invade their personal spaceLess frequency of eye contactVoice/Words:Decrease volume/intensity of speechListen moreBe less direct

Increase Emotion DimensionBody:Use more gestures-make them flowingLess stiff/relax postureRespond to feelings with your body languageVoice/Words:Chit chat Touch base personallyRespond to feelings

Decrease Emotion DimensionBody:Restrain gesturesBe formalLimit gesturesVoice/Words:Task oriented/limit chit- chatGet to the point/stick to it

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A Key to Success- Flex Your Style When you wish to influence others in who you find difficult

Emotive

Reserved

Advocate/Tell

Ask

DAN

DEE

Analyzer

Expresser

Flex example

Emotive

Reserved

Ask Advocate

Dan

Dee

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Flexing role play

Scenario:The project sponsor continues to not be available to the team. You have met with her previously to gain her agreement that she will be an active sponsor, However, she continues to not be available when needed and has told you she is content with the project’s progress and does not feel she needs to be heavily engaged.

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Your Turn To Plan Your Flex

Select a Partner and Share:

1. Identify a person that you find difficult2. Identify style of other person3. Identify what behaviors you will add and subtract4. Discuss your flex plan

Time Per Partner: ____________

Switch Partners

Questions and answers

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For more information contact : dee daley @Yahoo.com

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How will this help you and your teams influence better?

What will you do differently?

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Thank You

Have a safe trip homedeedaley@Yahoo.com

¾’s of the People with Whom You Work:

•Work differently from you when in groups•Plan differently when with others•Are motivated for different reasons•Differ in willingness to take risks•Make use of time differently•Make decisions differently•Manage accounts differently

Social Styles: Typical Reactions to Stress

Over-comprimising

Avoids confrontation

PerfectionistOpinionated

Over-committed

RigidUnrelentingData driven

DomineeringImpatient

Attack

ADVOCATE

RESERVED

EMOTIVE

INQUIRE

RELATER

ANALYZER

EXPRESSER

DIRECTOR

STRESS REACTIONS