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Deborah C. Owen, NBCTParent and Life Coach
The 3 Keys to Unlocking the Mysteries of Your Teen’s Mind
•Master’s degrees – music, library science•11 years public school teacher•National Board Certified Teacher•Certified Parent and Life Coach• Strategic Intervention Coach•Raised 3 children to become young adults (18, 21, 24)
Who am I? Why should you listen to me?
•@DeborahCOwen @Parents – Tweet whatever you want!• I will give you the slides and a guide to motivating
your child to do homework!
Today is interactive!
•Go to this website (or QR code)! http://bit.ly/kidsthankyou• First 3 to submit email – get free, signed book
Take Action!
Great Parents, Great Kids Coaching Session!You will:•Clarify your family’s greatest needs right now• Strategize some real action steps that will bring peace
and harmony back to your home, fast• Identify any mindset shifts that may need to take place
for kid behaviors to change
FREE for YOU!
Leave your name and # on Feedback form
It’s not your fault!
Let’s get started
Get to know yourself
• Authoritarian – strict; all or nothing; “do as I say”• Permissive – love; lack of boundaries• Disengaged – too busy; not home• Instinctive – “old school”; “go with your gut”• Attachment – strong emotional bonds• Helicopter – hyper-present• Authoritative – love; sets limits• Mindset; The New Psychology of Success – Carol Dweck
Parenting Styles
Mindset; The New Psychology of Success Carol Dweck
From: Reflections of a Grady Doctor
The Pied Piper(Leipzig, Germany)
• Assess• Take Action• Control• Connect• Conduct
• Apply• Adjust• Adapt
Pied Piper Parenting5 A+ Steps to Success for Stressed Out Parents
• Assess• Take Action• Control• Connect• Conduct
• Apply• Adjust• Adapt
Pied Piper Parenting5 A+ Steps to Success for Stressed Out Parents
Love
FearAnger, jealousy, defiance, anxiety,
depression…
2 emotions
Amygdala
Designed for survival
Looking for threats
Thalamus (sensory perceptions) Amygdala (processes emotions; memory storage)
freeze fight/flee (threat?)Releases cortisol (stress hormone)Signal prefrontal cortex
From The Post Institute
The Stress Model
My expression of fear emotion Triggers your fear emotion
Pushes us into survival! Threat subconscious reaction(instead of responding thoughtfully)
•Overwhelms thinking part of brain•Reduces ability to learn and remember•Causes confused and distorted thinking
High Stress…
• Stress response – • Hyper aroused – anger, explosions (“You can’t tell me
what to do!”), hyperactivity, fidgetiness, vigilance • Hypo aroused – withdrawal (“Leave me alone!”), defiance,
resistance, depression• In general, more boys have ADHD, more girls depressed• Reversed in adults •Women – hyper; Men - hypo
Dr. Bruce Perry, MD
Dysregulated Regulated Dysregulated
HypoDefiance
ResistanceDepressionwithdrawal
Love
HyperAnger
HyperactivityFidgetinessVigilance
When has your child caused you to express strong emotions which are really based in fear?
Which situations?
•Clench fists•4-7-8 breathing• Smile!•Woo hoo!
To control emotions – Physical state
• Eating/sleeping•Avoid bad things (caffeine, sugar, etc.)•Move!•Manage time better •Change environment occasionally
Manage stress – Healthy lifestyle
• Connect with people who are good for you• Take responsibility for your stress• Perspective• Forgive•Watch your words• Reframe problems• Express feelings• Gratitude – every day!
Manage stress – Healthy mindset
Who is your favorite robot?
Key tip – reducing stress triggers
• Assess• Take Action• Control• Connect • Conduct
• Apply• Adjust• Adapt
Pied Piper Parenting5 A+ Steps to Success for Stressed Out Parents
• Eye contact• Body language• Don’t give advice – just LISTEN!• NO judgment – offer empathy• Be curious• Late at night• Offer back massage• 10-20-10 rule – TIME AND ATTENTION
How to connect
•Aware •Breathe•Connect•Discuss
• If necessary - Contain
ABCD method of calm parenting in the heat of the moment
• “I noticed that when (this happens)….you (do this)…. What’s up?”• Empathy•Collaborate for solutions
• From The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross Greene
After the explosion
• Assess• Take Action• Control• Connect • Conduct
• Apply• Adjust• Adapt
Pied Piper Parenting5 A+ Steps to Success for Stressed Out Parents
A servant-leader focuses primarily on the growth and well-being of people and the communities to which they belong. While traditional
leadership generally involves the accumulation and exercise of power by one at the “top of the pyramid”, servant leadership is
different. The servant-leader shares power, puts the needs of others first and helps people develop and perform as highly as possible.
Robert K. Greenleaf From a 1970 essay
https://greenleaf.org/what-is-servant-leadership/
Servant Leadership
•Boost self-esteem and self-confidence• Teach empathy•Discipline – from “disciple” (to teach)• NOT to punish or get retribution• Children LEARN through consequences
• Assess• Take Action• Control• Connect • Conduct
• Apply• Adjust• Adapt
Pied Piper Parenting5 A+ Steps to Success for Stressed Out Parents
•Consequences – TASK-based, not time-based•Cooperation – blog• Internet and media – book• Sibling fighting – blog• Schoolwork and homework – inspire • Lying – based on fear (Gandhi’s grandson story)• Stealing/cutting – addictive behaviors•Drugs, alcohol, sex…
• Explain your expectations• Explain the science – research project• Role play•Minimize opportunities for risky behavior• Know the signs and behaviors, paraphernalia, symptoms• Connect every single day• Don’t hesitate to get help
Do your best – drugs, alcohol, sex
•Get to know yourself•Parenting styles• Take Action• Control – stress • Connect• Conduct
•Apply
What did you learn tonight?
What do you LOVE about your child(ren)?What do you need to do now, so you and they will go
forward on a better foot?
What questions do you still have?
It’s not your fault!Things WILL get better!
You can get help
$8.00Also on Amazon
Great Parents, Great Kids Coaching Session!You will:•Clarify your family’s greatest needs right now• Strategize some real action steps that will bring peace
and harmony back to your home, fast• Identify any mindset shifts that may need to take place
for kid behaviors to change
Don’t Forget: FREE!
Leave your name and # on Feedback form
All athletes have it! Not diagnose-based; Behavior-based
Action stepsProactive, collaborative
Deal with: defiance, disrespect, early-stage cutting/eating problems, stealing, lying, lack of
motivation, your own concerns, more
What is Coaching?
Parenting course: Pied Piper Parenting; 5 A+ Steps to Success
For Stressed-out Parents•
4 months, 3x/month
Also…. Ready for more?
•Assess – Bridge the gap • Understand everyone’s needs; environment; more…
•Much more in the Take Action step•More strategies for Apply step•How to Adjust on the fly and proactively•How to Adapt by refocusing
Parenting course – 5 in-depth modules
•Parenting course: Pied Piper Parenting• 4 months, 3x/month
•Bonus – Facebook group with all members
Bonus
•A caring community mastermind!•Camaraderie and support from like-minded parents
looking to crack the code of difficult teenagers•Get the synergy of parents who care enough to make
a difference•Daily access to me and my expertise and experience•Get back your parenting confidence!
Why a Facebook group?
How much is this worth to you?• Your child’s happiness today?•His/her success in the future?•A stress-free home environment, right now?• Siblings who rarely argue?• Fun family vacations, without conflict?•Being able to sleep at night?
Priceless opportunity
• Teaching certifications, degrees, and awards•Coaching certifications – ongoing•11 years in the trenches, most of them with teens•Research •130 blogposts and a book•At least 2 more books in process
My own investments…
•….Thousands of hours•….Tens of thousands of dollars• I save you time and $ – bring you the best of the best•Because I am PASSIONATE: Empower parents to be the
best parents you can be – raise happy, successful kids
My own investments
•Parenting course: Pied Piper Parenting • 4 months, 3x/month
• Investment … Industry experts tell me it IS priceless, but I should post it at…•$997
Ready for the transformation?
•12 sessions at 90 min/each = 18 hours• Same as: ½ a semester course in college
• Equals 2 high-end iPads
•Remember! Bonus FB group – • Value: $37/month x 4 = $148
Compared to what?
•Parenting course • 4 months, 3x/month
• Investment … Industry experts tell me it IS priceless, but I should post it at…•$997 $697 (for the next 48 hours)•Or 3 monthly payments of $270
Ready for the transformation?
Our best bet for a healthy, compassionate societyIs to build healthy, happy homes
My mission: Empower parents to be the best parents you can be – raise happy, successful [email protected]
YouCanRaiseGreatKids.comMission
“Our best bet for a healthy, compassionate societyIs to build healthy, happy homes.” ~D. Owen
My mission: Empower parents to be the best parents you can be – raise happy, successful kids
• Mindsets: Reflections of a Grady Doctor, http://www.gradydoctor.com/2013/08/team-sjgr-thursday-huddle-5-mindset.html• Amygdala - http://www.maggiekb.com/2013/08/13/whos-afraid-of-
the-amygdala/• Stress Model – Post institute• Golden Rule - http://blog.genesys.com/the-golden-rule-of-great-cx/
Picture credits