Monarchic Anglophilia, GnR at the O.B., Dicks Dohe Chimney
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Isq REPOR P.O. Box 22113 ,OFTEN Iil ERROR - NEVER IN DOABT; s.F. cA 94122 BRITTANIA WAVES THE RUIJES! THE AIINENBERG-I,IURDOCH TREATY AND THE AI{ERTCAN CON\TERSION TO IIONARCHIC AIIGIJOPHIIJTA Blimey, is that the smell of fish and chips coming from Pennsylvania Avenue? Bloody hell, j-s that the Unj-on Jack theyrre raising on Capitol Hill? WeIl, Yankee, maybe itts news to you, but for seasoned media and conspiracy watchers, the placement of rrKingrr George Bush on the presidential throne is the ilcrowningrr glory of a 25 year U.K. intelligence operation that began with James Bond and the Beatles and will end this January as America makes a shameful and pathetic return to the British Commonwealth. Don't act surprised because werre all responsible for this noldy state of affairs. By benignly accepting our English buddies as peacetime allies and cultural consumer cousins, w€ have created the perfect environment for our Queen-loving conversion and for the ascent of a president who many believe is an out-and-out British operative. How could it happen here? The first and most important step in this plan has been the capture of the American recording and radio industry. By force-feeding a revisionist reading of American R&B via.a musical assembly Continued on Page 3 FROM th6 Ed.itor ENGIJAND SWINGS Surprised by the National Enquirerrs rrscooprt that George Bush is second cousin to Princess Di? A&R Report readers were aware since last July of the V-prs UK tinks (see ish 21-, rrReagan, Bush and the rMeat pie Scandal r 3 The Truth Behind the Kentucky Fried =--- chicken-H. sart Fish & chips Mergert) Just in time f-or tEe, inauguratlon; blow the lid off the complete election conspiracy with this monthrs cover story (see above). BEYONDFINGER FooDs - We warned about the miniaturization of our food supply and the danger of uncooked foods (see ish 27, rrFrom Donut Holes to Bkittles: The origins of Tiny Foodsrr, and see ish 18, rrNouvelle cuisine, ltrs. Fields and the Eat-It-Raw Generationrr). This holiday season therers a new danger - uncooked miniatures. Look for McDonaldrs McTartar (rnini steak tartares, four to a box) and the post-buy-out Nabisco debut of Freeze-Dried sushi Bits. Expect vacuum packed Guacarnore Barls next spring. SEASONSGREETfNGS YTAIJIJ - Christmas comes but once a year but the A&R Report comes about I or 9 times. So remernber if youtre looking for a stimulating stocking stuffer, nothing can beat the thrill of tz rnonihs of conspiracy fighting dictum! Ask about our special gift subscription rates! ifranki for another record breaking year! (") rgee A&R '
Transcript
IsqREPORT
P . O . B o x 2 2 1 1 3 ,OFTEN Iil ERROR - NEVER IN DOABT; s . F . c A 9 4 1 2 2
BRITTANIA WAVES THE RUIJES! THE AIINENBERG-I,IURDOCH TREATY ANDTHE AI{ERTCAN CON\TERSION TO IIONARCHIC AIIGIJOPHIIJTA
Blimey, is that the smell of f ish and chips coming from PennsylvaniaAvenue? Bloody hell , j-s that the Unj-on Jack theyrre raising on CapitolHi l l? WeI l , Yankee, maybe i t ts news to you, but for seasoned media andconspiracy watchers, the placement of rrKingrr George Bush on the presidentialthrone is the i lcrowningrr glory of a 25 year U.K. intel l igence operation thatbegan with James Bond and the Beatles and wil l end this January as Americamakes a shameful and pathetic return to the British Commonwealth.Don' t act surpr ised because werre a l l responsib le for th is no ldy s tate ofaffairs. By benignly accepting our English buddies as peacetime al l ies andcultural consumer cousins, w€ have created the perfect environment for ourQueen-loving conversion and for the ascent of a president who many believeis an out-and-out Brit ish operative.How could i t happen here? The f irst and most important step in this planhas been the capture of the American recording and radio industry. Byforce- feeding a rev is ion is t reading of Amer ican R&B v ia.a musica l assembly
Continued on Page 3
FROM th6 Ed.itorENGIJAND SWINGS Surprised by the NationalEnquirerrs rrscooprt that George Bush is secondcousin to Princess Di? A&R Report readers wereaware s ince last Ju ly of the V-prs UK t inks (seeish 21-, rrReagan, Bush and the rMeat pieScandal r 3 The Truth Behind the Kentucky Fried =---ch icken-H. sar t F ish & ch ips Merger t ) Just in t ime f -or tEe, inauguratlon;blow the l id off the complete election conspiracy with this monthrs covers to ry ( see above ) .BEYOND FINGER FooDs - We warned about the miniaturization of our food supplyand the danger of uncooked foods (see ish 27, rrFrom Donut Holes to Bkitt les:The or ig ins of T iny Foodsrr , and see ish 18, r rNouvel le cu is ine, l t rs . F ie ldsand the Eat-It-Raw Generationrr). This holiday season therers a newdanger - uncooked miniatures. Look for McDonaldrs McTartar (rnini steaktartares, four to a box) and the post-buy-out Nabisco debut of Freeze-Driedsushi Bits. Expect vacuum packed Guacarnore Barls next spring.SEASONS GREETfNGS YTAIJIJ - Christmas comes but once a year but the A&R Reportcomes about I or 9 t imes. So remernber i f youtre looking for a st imulatingstocking stuffer, nothing can beat the thri l l of tz rnonihs of conspiracyfighting dictum! Ask about our special gif t subscript ion rates! i franki foranother record breaking year! (") rgee A&R
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J; ) 'trrcl ri goue - l ights and all. Ir l Vandals chopped down and car_ IHr ..r",] of f rhe spru(.e that the Heralys I' l haci treasurecl lbr a decade sincc Ij ' i heir r hree children gave il I o thern. I
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Iine -nqTng-fron Lulu to nick AsEfey, Brlt-iniluEnce-d rec execs haverrturnedrt mil l j -ons of white American youth, many of whom are at crucialchi ld-bearing ages. For decades, American youth have been bombarded by aderuge of subLi rn ina l Engt ish messages (e.g. , r rGod save the eueen' ! , t tBuyBr i t ish" , and r rThatcher is Godrr ) carefu l ly layered in to rnu l t i - t rackrecordings. And with the ascent of George Michael on American soul charts,there is evidence that Brit ish penetration has f inal ly glone beyond the whiten idd le c1ass .Second and equally distressing in this Brit ish operation has been thePac-Man l- ike digestion of the American media. This erosion of our FourthEstate is powered and choreographed by a secret treaty executed by formerambassador to Great Britaj-n Walter rrTV Guiderr Annenberg and Rupert rrYou nameit, I own itrr Murdoch. It was this UK-US axj-s which turned the Charles-Diwedding bash into an American media bl i tz and it was this same Fleet Streetconnection that deregulated Arnerican media taste devolving Yankee journalisminto i ts current s tate of tab lo id izat ion (see ish 35: r rNews and Ant i -News:The Catac lysmic crossover of Tr iv ia , Gos.s ip and Enter ta inment" ) .The p ivota l (and f ina l ) s tep in th is Br i t bra in-washing is the Yuppiephenornenon a media ruse conceal- ing our hidden but ever-growing Brit ishtendencies. The smokescreen of Yuppies and Preppies shields the growingThatcher is t ic co lonia l - ism lurk ing behind every F i lo fax owner. I t rs nocoinc idence that the r rYuppierr Mom loves her Made- in- the-UK Br is to l lambrswool card igan f rom Landrs End (and Dad sure l ikes h is L.L. Bean rugby sh i r t )because The Yuppie Iook, is in rea l i ty , the Br i t ish lookFed by a Ferry-cross-the Mersey rornanticisrn, the baby boom has beenhook, I ine and wanker in to a hopeless vor tex of Anglomania. So th isinaugurat ion day, toast the Unj - ted States of Br i ta in wi th a p in t o fb i t ters and some soggy crumpets. Af ter a l l , werre not rea lJ-y los ingyears of dernocracy, w€rre gain ing a royal fami ly ! Hard cheese, oIdP ip p ip and s t i f f uppe r l i p !
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11eY SHARKEI', whol(played TV's toughestIlvillain on Wiseguy,has wed the woman he metwhile battling an agonizingeight-year heroin and alco-hol addiction.
Dear A&R:Sometimes when I l isten to whatf r m s a y i n g , I c a n t t b e l i e v e I r ms a y i n g i t . I t s e e m s s oincredib ly bor ing. f t is as i fI have been hired to read thel - i n e s o f t h e w o r l d I s m o s tb o r i n g s i t c o m . W h a t r s w r o n gwi th me? E.R. Muncie
D e a r E . R .Therets nothing wrong with you.A lot of sitcoms are boring butthey a re ve ry popu la r . Donr texpect so much f rom l i fe , andy o u w o n r t b e d i s a p p o i n t e d .Peace.
rrHets Crazy and Dumbrl
Dear AtR:Can dumb people go c.razy or isi t on ly smart people? Peoplet e 1 1 m e I h a v e t w op e r s o n a l i t i e s b u t i f t h a t t st r u e t h e n t h e y m u s t b o t h b eh a l f - w i t s . I t a l k t o m y s e l fbut I donr t understand what l rmsaying. Whatrs wrong wi th me?Black and BIue in nhi l Iy .
Dear B&BThere's nothing wrong with you.Maybe you werenr t f i rs t in l inew h e n t h e y p a s s e d o u tdouble-d ig i t IQs, but you st i l lhave an equal r ight to menta li n s t a b i l i t y . T a k e p r i d e i nyour l in i ta t ions. Good Iuck.
I tghers Beincr Tested r l
Dear A&R:W h e n e v e r s o m e o n e a s k s m e aques t i on , I i ke a t wo rk , I canl o o k i n t h e i r e y e s a n d n i n etimes out of ten f can see thatt h e y k n o w t h e a n s w e r t o t h equest ion. And I can te l l thatthey know that I know that theyknow. So why would they ask methe question? Is this some kindof test? And i f i t is a test , isthe rrcorrectrr answer really ther r r i gh t r r answer? I can r t s topwonder ing whatrs wrong wi th me.Gal Friday, Akron
Dear GF:Therers noth ing wrong wi th you.You need to stop asking so manyguest ions. I t rs t rue people aret e s t i n g y o u r b u t r e m e m b e r ,someone is probably testing thepeople who are test ing you andthen someone is probably testingt h e m . I t r s n o t s o m e t h i n g y o ucan do any th ing abou t . Th inkpos i t i ve l y and don r t be a f ra idto shut your mind off when yout a L k t o p e o p l e , e s p e c i a l l y a twork. Take care.
WIIATIg WRONG WITH YOU?
I f y o u f e e l l i k e s o m e t h i n g r sw r o n g w i t h y o u r s e n d u s y o u rle t ters and we' I l keep then ins t r i c t e s t c o n f i d e n c e ( u n l e s stheyrre so pathetic that we haveto show them to a few f r iendsfor some laughs) . Mai l to A&R,P . O . B o x 2 2 1 - L 3 , S u n s e t , S . F . C A
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