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AM I GOOD ENOUGH?
“I am confident that God will complete
the good work He started in me” (Phil.
1:6).
Why would God choose me? That was the question that I
constantly asked myself before I accepted my destiny. I didn’t
understand why He would choose me to encourage His people when He
has so many other people to choose from. I thought to myself, “I just
want a regular job that is enough to provide for my family.” However,
God had other plans. Just like the Bible says, He knows the plans that
He has for us. He has plans to prosper us and bless us more than we can
ask or think (Jer. 29:11; 3 John. 1:2).
The problem is that I didn’t think that I was good enough to
receive all of His blessings. I knew I didn’t deserve it so I didn’t ask for
anything spectacular. Obviously at this point, I was not able to think
BIG. I couldn’t see past my nose. Ironically enough, I thought I was
smart enough to offer my detailed opinions about my future unto the
Lord. There is a saying out there that suggests that God laughs at our
plans. But I don’t think He laughed at mine. He’s my friend, so He
wouldn’t do that. But I’m sure my plans made Him smile on many
occasions. I would go as far to say, that He would shake His head and
smile.
God, the one who created the universe, also created me and
you. He knew what He made us for, and what He designed us to do.
Don’t you know that God knew what He was doing when He made
you! He is everything, so that means that He can see your beginning
and your end. When He looks at you, He sees your potential. He
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doesn’t see all of your mistakes and blunders. He wants you to
understand that you don’t have to measure up to any special standards
set by the men of the world because He has designed a special standard
just for you.
The previous statement does not mean that you should not follow
the law. It means that you don’t have to compete with anyone to your
left or to your right. Ultimately you answer to God, and the standards
that He has set forth for you in His word. During the storms of life, the
best thing for you to do is to look ahead. If you look ahead you will see
Him; and through Him you will see yourself as He sees you.
There is more in you that you have yet to realize. You know why
you haven’t realized it yet? It’s because you are stuck on yourself.
You’re dwelling on what you should have done. You’re thinking about
what you wouldn’t have done—if only. You’re dreaming about what
could have been. While you’re doing this, God is waiting for you to
step into your future. While you’re in the past, He’s waiting for you to
step into the here and now.
There is nothing too hard for God. So what, you messed up and
made some mistakes. So what, you should have made a different
decision—suck it up, that’s life. God knows how to make it all work
together for your good if you would just believe Him (Rom. 10:28).
His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8). You can take the easy
route, but that route will not take you to your destiny. Your route will
land you on Mediocre Street. You’ll be wondering what it is like on
Success Lane, but will not have a clue how to get there without God’s
help.
God knows how to get you where you need to go.
Experiencing hard times brings out what is really inside. How can you
discover that there is more in you if you have never had to deal with
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anything difficult? If life doesn’t offer a challenge to you, then how
will you be able to work up to your full potential? If life was that easy,
you wouldn’t even care about your potential. In essence, it would be
heaven.
Well, I hate to break it to you, but you have not arrived at the
pearly gates just yet. In the meantime, need to know that if you stick
with God, He’ll get you there. Sometimes He may need to carry you. In
fact, there may be times throughout this process that you will look back
and see one set of footprints. When you look back, you’ll know that
someone must have been carrying you because you were too weak to
move on.
As quiet as it’s kept, God likes to use the least of them. He likes to
use the one who is unlikely to succeed instead of the one who is most
likely to succeed. So, don’t think that He hasn’t chosen you. In the
great book, 2 Thessalonians 2:13-15 proves that He chose you before
the foundations of the earth.
If that’s not enough, let’s look at the history in the Bible. God chose
David who was the youngest in his family to become a great king. David
was actually a shepherd boy, and it’s fair to say tending the sheep is not
a prestigious position. In fact, when Samuel arrived after receiving
instruction from the Lord that a king would come out of the house of
Jesse, David was not even considered as an option for a king. He was out
doing his job, minding his business (1 Sam. 16:1-22). So when you feel
like so many people have counted you out, God has not forgotten you.
So let’s think about that. God knows your name. The king of
kings knows who you are. How astonishing is that! You know the man!
You’re in there. If you don’t know Him, get to know Him. Knowing
God alone makes you good enough. If God calls you a friend, what
makes you think you’re not good enough? He said in the Bible that
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God doesn’t call you a servant but He calls you a friend (James 2:23).
Who are you to reject the gifts that God has given you? There you go
being rude again. God took the time to shape you; and you tell me
you’re not good enough.
I truly understand because I too thought that I wasn’t good
enough. I thought that there was no way that God could have chosen
me. I knew my value in my own sight; but I didn’t know what God
thought of me. I didn’t know that I was loved by God regardless of
what I did (Rom. 5:8). I was trying to prove my worth to no avail. God
knew that we would never measure up, which is why He sent His son,
Jesus to die for us (John 3:16). He knew that we needed something that
we didn’t deserve, which is grace. There is nothing that we could ever
do to be good enough, but God has decided that we are. He has chosen
to justify us through grace (Titus 3:7). Now if He says that we are
justified. His opinion trumps our point of view; so therefore we are
good enough. God is the only one that can judge you, so quit judging
yourself before He’s finished.
Think about it like this. Imagine that a potter has started making a
beautiful masterpiece. It looks finished, so you decide to judge it and
you notice some details out of place. The artist may be annoyed that
you decided to judge his work before it was done. He might say, “Stop
inspecting it, I’m not even finished yet!” So if God is the potter and He
has made a masterpiece who is you, it is impolite to judge yourself too
soon.
Now that you have decided to stop judging yourself, you need
to stop comparing yourself to other pieces of art. Who are you to tell
God that you don’t like His design? He says that you are a masterpiece
and you are perfect (Heb. 10:14). If God says you’re perfect, then you
are perfect.
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However, you must remember that His thoughts are not our
thoughts (Isaiah 55:8). We don’t see things how He sees it. We cannot
wrap our little pea brains around the mighty things of God. So just take
His word for it and believe that you are good enough. He made you just
how He wanted you to be.
I used to compare myself all of the time. Is she prettier than
me? Does my body look as good as hers? I’m just as smart as she is—I
guess. Did I do it better than the one before me? Did I measure up? She
got a better car than I did. Her style has a flare that mine doesn’t have.
I always wanted to know what the standard was in order to exceed
it. This is not that bad of a thing if it’s done with the right motives and
using God’s standards. I was using the world’s standards; and I was
doing it to make myself feel better about myself.
The Bible doesn’t have any measures of worth measured by
outward appearances, but God judges the heart (1 Sam 16:8). Even
though I knew that this whole process was pointless, I did it anyway. I
would have endless conversations with my friends about how I think
that I’m better than this person for this or that reason. I’m embarrassed
to admit it, but I did.
According to the Bible we are to produce fruit. So if we are
the fruit of an apple tree would we look at the other apples on the tree
and compare ourselves to it? Would we say, “That apple is bigger than
me—that’s not fair.” Would we say, “I don’t like my color, I’m green
and I want to be red.” What if one of the apples fell on the ground and
got bruised? The apple would still be edible right? All someone would
have to do is cut around the bruised part. It’s still good enough.
So you see, you have no reason to compare yourself to others.
The way that God made someone else is none of your business. The
only reason that you should look at someone else is to learn from them.
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If you want to be successful, the best thing that you can do is follow the
example of someone who is successful. However, it’s important not to
want to be the person you are following.
For instance, people have said that I could be the next Oprah. I
take that as a major compliment because I can identify with her. I see
that Oprah experienced adversity and trauma. As I look closer at her
story, she was a teen mother too, but her child was still-born. She also
was not afraid to share her history of hurt and pain with the world. As a
result, her story is an inspiration to many people—especially to African
American women.
Surprisingly enough, while Oprah is extremely successful, her
success came out of failure. Originally, Oprah started her career as a
co-anchor. Due to mispronunciations, complaints about her appearance,
and a questionable interview with a fire victim, she was demoted from
a broadcaster to a presenter.
Oprah’s new position as a presenter of a talk show was actually
the avenue to her destiny. Some people would have perceived her
experience as a broadcaster as a failure, but I see it as a set up for
success. It would have only been a failure, if she would have quit after
being demoted. She didn’t give up, despite her circumstances. I admire
her because she was transparent enough to let the world see her go
through the process. In essence, she let us all see her road in between
the valley to the mountain top.
Obviously, Oprah’s history did not determine her destiny. Her
beginning certainly wasn’t her end. She could have whined about her
not being good enough, or compared herself to others. As you can see,
she didn’t have too many people to compare herself to because of her
originality. She did something new and you can too. As you step into
your greatness remember this:
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Don’t compare yourself to the next one when you could be the
best one.
Don’t let where you came from determine where you’re going.
Don’t smother the fire before it expires.
Don’t let another’s perception become your own opinion.
Don’t you want to become all that you were meant to become?
Don’t you want to be all that you can be? If you compare yourself to
others, you are putting limits on your own potential. What does it take
for you to see that there is more in you? There is nothing that you can
do to make people realize your full potential if you haven't realized it
for yourself. If you don't believe that you can do it then how do you
expect others to believe in you?
You are looking for someone to give you the okay. Have you
forgotten that God has already given you His approval? Whose opinion
is greater than God’s? God says that He approves of you, so you don’t
need to be concerned with pleasing other men. Your primary concern
should be pleasing God and God alone (Rom. 14:18). As a result, some
people may be pleased, and some may not. You cannot let other people
determine the level of your potential.
You must be your first cheerleader, so get started. Tell yourself, "I
can do whatever I set my mind to do through Christ who strengthens
me (Phil. 4:19)." Some people feel silly saying things aloud but you
must begin to talk to yourself. After you say something so many times,
you have no choice but to take action. What you think you will say, and
what you say you will do.
If you have been thinking, "I can't do this," then you can't. On the
other hand, if you have been thinking, “I will do this," then you will. It
is really that simple. For those of you that think it is not, it's because
you’re impatient. You expect for something to happen overnight. If you
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are saying that you want to become a millionaire, then you can't expect
to go outside and find a money tree in your yard. It's ridiculous, and it
doesn't happen in real life. You have to develop a plan and work the
plan.
All of this motivational stuff is inspirational, but let’s get real.
Regardless of how much you believe in yourself, you will have
discouraging moments. You will have imperfections that get under
your skin. Nonetheless, don't let anyone or anybody tell you that you
cannot achieve greatness. You are good enough!
Despite your imperfections, greatness is your destiny but that
doesn't mean that you will arrive there in two seconds flat. Now, what
kind of ride would that be? Wouldn't it be boring if that were true?
What is life really about? It's not an easy question, but I'm going
to take a shot at it. Life is about challenging yourself to become better
each and every day. There is always going to be something that you
can do better and some area of your character in which you can
improve.
When your eulogy is read, people will remember you for the way
that your approached life. People will remember that you tried to be
your best. It is such a great honor to live a life of purpose.
Sadly enough, everyone will not reach their full potential, and
they will die with a dream in their heart. They will never live the life of
their dreams. With that reality in mind, what are you going to do? Are
you going to let rejection and dream snatchers take your dream? You
have a choice. You can view negative feedback as constructive
criticism or take it as a blow to your ego. What is more important your
ego, or your dream?
If you really don’t believe in yourself and your abilities there is a
reason why. It is up to you to find out. Ask yourself why you don’t
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think you can do it. Is it the past? Is it because you’ve made a lot of
mistakes? Many successful people have made multiple mistakes, but
that didn’t stop them from believing in themselves. Why are you letting
it stop you?
God believes in you, and He knows your potential. He thinks you
are good enough even when no one else does. He knows your
beginning and your end. He promised to finish what He started in you.
You are the only one delaying your destiny. I know that you don’t
mean to do it because I didn’t mean to do it either.
Contrary to popular belief, you are stopping your own show. Do
yourself a favor and tell yourself today that you will no longer question
if you are good enough. You will no longer doubt your worth. You will
take the limits off of your own potential and become everything that
God has destined you to be. According to the Bible, you are “fearfully
and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). If God believes you are good
enough, then you should too.
MORE IN YOU CHALLENGE
You may already know that you are good enough. In fact, I really
hope you do. However, a major theme in this book is developing self-
worth. So regardless of if you know you are good enough or not,
complete this challenge.
Meditate on everything positive that you have to offer (Phil. 4:8).
Writing it down is not enough. You have to meditate on it. The
Bible tells us to meditate on good things (Phil. 4:8). It also tells us to
cast those negative thoughts down (2 Cor. 10:5). That does not mean
negative thoughts will not come, but we can get rid of them when they
do. We can rid our mind of negative thoughts by forcing ourselves to
think of something positive when we are tempted to think negatively.
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In other words, go to your happy place any time you start feeling
down. Your happy place could be a sitting in the sun on the beach or
taking a nature walk. In your mind, go to that place and push those
negative thoughts to the wayside.
In addition, pray about any issues you have with
acceptance of yourself—the good, bad and the ugly. Ask God
to help you accept yourself the way that He made you. If you
do not have self-acceptance issues, that is great. However, do
not forget that there are many people that do. If you sense
someone is struggling with this issue, suggest this exercise to
them. This is a great way to help someone else who is struggling
in that area to overcome self-defeating thoughts.
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IS IT WORTH THE FIGHT?
“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when
you encounter various trials, knowing
that the testing of your faith produces
endurance. And let endurance have its
perfect result, so that you may be
perfect and complete, lacking in
nothing” (James 1:2-4).
How can you be full of joy in the midst of a struggle?
For many years, I did not understand this concept. How
am I supposed to smile while I’m fighting for my life, and
struggling for my dream? I mean that doesn’t even look
right.
Let’s take a moment to picture it. See yourself in the
boxing ring hitting your enemy laughing. Okay, maybe
that was a bad analogy. Of course you would laugh, if
you’re the one getting in the hits. Let’s flip that around,
and think about it the other way around. How do you keep
a grin on your face when life has just hit you with a
combo—a jab, upper cut and one in the gut? See I told
you, it doesn’t make sense.
It doesn’t make sense when you are leaning to your
own understanding. When you are going through a
struggle, you can’t try to understand it with your own
good sense. You will drive yourself crazier. You must
realize that whatever trial you are experiencing will work
out for your good somehow (Rom. 8:28).
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Now, don’t go trying to figure it out now. You will not
be able to understand how this will work out for your good
until it’s over. Understanding the vision is God’s job, and
He doesn’t need your help. All He needs is for you to
believe that He will see you through it.
When I think of the word, “struggle,” my marriage is
the first thing that comes to mind. Throughout my
marriage, I struggled to learn life lessons that were vital to
my success and my discovery that there was more in me.
Is there something that you desire with all of your
heart; but it feels out of your grasp? It’s almost like it slips
through your fingers every time you get close to having the
life of your dreams. Better yet, it’s like trying to capture a
beautiful butterfly. You say to yourself, “Just sit still so I
can catch you.”
The problem is that butterflies do not sit still. That is
not what they were designed to do—they fly. On the other
hand, before a butterfly flies, it goes through a process of
transformation. Similar to that your dream goes through a
process of transformation as you struggle through this
thing we call life.
I had a dream that I was trying to catch. My greatest
dream was a happy marriage and family. This was the
dream closest to my heart partially because I didn’t have it
growing up.
After I had my first child, I was able to cope with
being an outcast due to my teenage pregnancy because I
had a dream. I knew that those years in high school were
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only temporary. When I got out of high school, I would
have the life of my dreams. I would have it all—a happy
family, a thriving career and an intimate relationship with
God.
What I didn’t realize is that it wouldn’t be that easy. I
had to learn how to let go of some things to make room to
receive bigger and better from the heart of God.
Unfortunately, I didn’t know that either. I kept trying to
run after a dream that had transformed into something
greater and more beautiful than I realized.
I cried over my dream many days and many nights. I
mourned for months that went onto years. My friends
didn’t think that I would ever get over it. My heart dripped
blood, developed scabs and bled again. I got to the point,
where I would stab myself in the heart—figuratively
speaking of course. I didn’t want to ever get numb, so it
was better to feel something than to feel nothing at all.
People didn’t understand why I was hurting myself.
They would say, “Why don’t you just move on?” I had
permission from God Himself to move on after we had
both committed adultery; but I still couldn’t do it. In my
mind, if we got a divorce, then my dream would be truly
dead. I couldn’t let it go.
The lesson in this is that I needed to learn how to let
go and let God change me. However, at the time I felt like I
would have been settling for less. Less than my dream
would have been a step family, which isn’t necessarily
bad. But it was not my dream. I dreamed of my children
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having one mother and one father. I didn’t want them to
have to split themselves between two families.
During the midst of that struggle, I almost gave up on
my dream. I thought that it was too hard and maybe I
could take a break. I thought that he loved me; so I
thought that no matter what we would still be together.
Everyone kept telling me that sometimes you have to love
them enough to let them go. While this is true, I didn’t
interpret it appropriately. I thought that I would loosen my
grip, but I didn’t have to really let it go. I thought that as
long as I was touching him with my finger tips that I
would be able to keep him.
I had it twisted and upside down. For one, it should
never be a woman’s goal to try to keep her man. Being a
lady is usually enough to keep a real man, but that’s a
whole new book. The point is that I was attempting to
control and manipulate the situation. The fact of the
matter is that I was trying to control a matter that had
always been out of my control. After that, I had the nerve
to get upset because I couldn’t pull the strings in my life. I
just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that God was
and is always in control.
Regardless of how out of control a situation may
seem, God is in control. It is not our place to stand up and
fight battles that only God can win. We must ask God to
give us the discernment to know the difference. At a time
in my life, I felt so threatened that I decided to fight a
battle that was not my battle to fight.
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At one point, I didn’t believe that God could dream
bigger dreams for me. Because of that, I fought for my
dream with the hope that was still within me. In reality,
the little girl in me stood up inside of me and pushed the
woman I was becoming down. She decided that we could
make my ex-husband do what he should do if she just
proved to him that we were worth it. If we could do that,
we could live the life of our dreams. Clearly, the little girl
in me had it all wrong. The poor little thing had an
inferiority complex. She was trying to prove her worth by
putting herself in a devaluing situation.
I will never forget the day that I found out that my
dream was dying. I was stopping by my husband’s
apartment for one reason or another. I walked into the
apartment and saw her shoes in the middle of the floor.
While she was not in plain sight, I knew she was there. I
spotted her purse and decided to look in it. To my
surprise, I found her ultra sound pictures. My heart
dropped, and I felt like the pain was too much to bear. All
I could think to do was to make it stop. Without thinking,
I tried to destroy the pictures.
It’s funny how emotions work. They prompt you to do
things that have no logical reasoning whatsoever. My
emotional mind said that tearing up these pictures would
take some of the pain away. So, I proceeded to attempt to
rip the pictures in half with my bare hands. When that
didn’t work, I found scissors and tried to cut them.
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I was in an utter rage. In the midst of this, my ex-
husband was trying to stop me and I cut my finger. When
I saw the blood I stopped, my husband held a towel on my
hand and cried with me. The blood made a puddle on the
floor and we cried together over a dream that we knew
would never be the same.
Obviously, I struggled with recovering from this
incident. The saddest part about the whole ordeal was
that it didn’t have to be as hard as I made it for myself. I
fought the process the entire time. One day I wanted him
and the next day I didn’t. I was being blown with the wind,
which is why the Bible says that a double-minded man is
unstable in all his ways (James 1:8). I was all over the
place.
If I would have just listened to the word of the Lord, I
would have saved myself a lot of grief. God was saying to
me that I needed to let go, and He would take care of it.
Letting go did not mean that I had to stop believing. It
meant that I had to submit under the mighty hand of God
and let Him deal with the situation.
I struggled with giving this situation to God because I
feared that it wouldn’t turn out the way I thought that it
should. Sadly enough, I hadn’t even considered that
maybe just maybe God was in the process of my
transforming my dream. At this point, I had struggled so
much with my dream that I was dead tired. I looked up to
the heavens and wondered, “Is it worth the fight?”
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Have you ever felt that way? Do you think about your
dreams and wonder if it’s worth it? Do you struggle
believing that it can really come true? Do you question if
God will really do it for you? I understand, trust me I do.
What you have to realize is that shooting for the stars will
cost you something. Even though it is worth it, it will cost
you something. If you’re not sure if you are willing to pay
the price, then you may not be ready to pay the price.
Don’t be like me and refuse to take the time to count
up the costs (Luke 14:25-35). In other words, I wanted
instant gratification—all problems solved overnight. My
friend, don’t think that way. It will have you going around
the mulberry bush until you’re dizzy. Submit to God and
allow Him to help you make the most difficult decisions of
your life.
More specifically, I didn’t take the time with God to
pray and plan. In order to pray and plan, I needed to
spend some time alone with God. I refused to be alone
because it hurt so badly; and I didn’t want to think. I
didn’t want to think about the way that I really felt about
the broken pieces of my marriage.
The cuts in my heart were so deep that I thought I
would bleed to death. God knew the inner depths of my
heart, but I wouldn’t let Him heal me. I just couldn’t deal
with the pain. In a way I found every way that I could to
side-step dealing with the broken pieces of my heart.
The defining moment was when the little girl inside
me stood up again and decided that we were going to fight
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for my marriage. No matter what, it was worth it. It was
worth it because it was my dream. Anything worth having
is worth fighting for—right? Well, it depends. It is not wise
to fight against coming out of a place of darkness and
utter despair. It is not worth fighting for unhappiness,
hurt, pain, and low self-esteem.
I was fighting for the wrong thing, and for the wrong
reasons. Sadly enough, the little girl inside of me
reminded me of all of my mistakes throughout the
marriage. The little girl inside of me felt like a failure. Little
Dee felt like she could have done more to make it work.
The counterfeit diva in me felt like she could make things
right again because no one takes her man. The little girl in
me decided to fight for her man despite it all.
Remember I told you that the little girl had pushed
the diva in training down to the ground. The woman inside
of me was off in a corner crying and the little girl took
over. She said that we had failed and we needed to make
this thing right. The woman inside me was heart-broken
so she just did as she was told. The little girl said that we
were going to fight with our own strength instead of the
strength of God. She wanted us to achieve before we really
believed.
It took some time, but the woman in me finally stood
up with tears in her eyes. I told the little girl to sit her tail
down and explained some things to her. The true diva in
me explained that our failures make us who we are. Our
failures give us the drive to strive for more. Our failures
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will eventually make us great. I told her that change
doesn’t come over night, and we would have to struggle
through it to come out on the other side.
The fact of the matter was that it is worth it—no
matter how long it takes. “It” is the process of change,
which differs from person to person. The fact of the matter
is that we don’t have to prove our worth to anyone. God
knows our value and it was time that we started acting
like it.
Have you ever felt like you just want to stop
struggling? As Oprah said in the Color Purple, "I've had to
fight all of my life..." At some point, I accepted it as the
norm. I never realized that struggling will make you
stronger. My ongoing struggles have allowed me to come to
a place of success and satisfaction.
While struggle is not the key to success, it has been
an avenue for contentment for me. I know what it means
to want and not have. I understand what it means to
grieve for mistakes that have caused life changes. I have
experienced watching a dream die, made over, and then
resuscitated back to life. Through everything, I know that
if I had never struggled, I would have never lived.
God knew what was in me and how to get it out. He
was in the process of perfecting me and it took me so long
to accept it. He wanted me to develop His character within
me. I had some good qualities but my temper was out of
control. Don’t get me started on my lack of patience. God
DETRA D. CARTER
21
allowed this trial in my life in regards to my marriage so
He could perfect my character.
The Bible says to be slow to anger and slow to speak
(James 1:9). Well, I was the opposite. The Bible also
instructs us to be anxious for nothing, and anxiety was at
the depths of my soul. God promises us that what He
starts in us, He will finish. He promised to help me
become like Him, and He knew what it would take to get
me there (Phil. 1:6).
He knew I would start out kicking and screaming. I
resisted because I didn’t know how to surrender; but God
taught me how. I wasn’t mature enough to give everything
to Him. At the end of this particular struggle I learned that
nothing else matters but being with Him. With God on my
side, how could I be afraid?
Sometimes we are so afraid of change that we become
stagnant. To grow spiritually you have to learn how to surrender to
God and what He wants for your life. God wanted me to develop a
Christ-like character. He wanted to get the whining and complaining
out of me. He wanted to develop patience in me. He wanted to
develop self-control within me.
Ultimately, He was ripening the fruit within my spirit. "But the
fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is
no law” (Gal. 5:22-23 (NIV). Most of all, God was showing me the
essence of true love. Not just love, but agape love. Our creator has
agape love for us which is unconditional and self-sacrificing (1 John
4:8).
DETRA D. CARTER
22
God is willing to watch us struggle so that we will change.
Developing a Christ-like character is worth the fight. Allowing God to
shape your dreams is worth the struggle. Sustaining your faith in the
midst of obstacles is worth the struggle.
I realize more and more each day that it’s worth the fight.
God wants to complete you and develop every part of you. So, count it
all joy that He is making you, and not breaking you (James 1:2). He
wants you to have everything that He has in store for you. He wants
you to be perfect, lacking nothing, but you’ve got to fight the good
fight of faith (1 Tim. 6:12). Don’t give up and don’t give in until you
reach the end.
LITTLE BY LITTLE, BIT BY BIT
For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little: Isaiah 28:10 Little by little, bit by bit, Keep pressing toward the mark for the prize, But don’t you quit. Keep on keeping on . . . You’ll make it through the storm Little by little, bit by bit. When you find that big old mountain right ahead of you. And you just can’t seem to get over or around it, no matter what you do; You don’t seem to have the faith to say, “Mountain, get out of my way!” And you’re so overwhelmed at times that you can’t even pray, Be like David and encourage yourself in the Lord and say, Little by little, bit by bit, Keep pressing toward the mark for the prize, But don’t you quit.
DETRA D. CARTER
23
Keep on keeping on . . . You’ll make it through the storm Little by little, bit by bit. You started your journey with the Lord and just wanted to bless, But seems like life took a turn and is now one big mess. Though things may not turn out the way you think they should, Someday you’ll look back and see that all things worked together for your good. Just remember that no matter what happens that the Lord is good. Little by little, bit by bit, Keep pressing toward the mark for the prize, But don’t you quit. Keep on keeping on . . . You’ll make it through the storm Little by little, bit by bit. Be encouraged and know the Lord will strengthen those who wait Times may be hard, but you’ll reap someday if you just don’t faint. Weeping may endure for night, but joy will surely come in the morning light And remember these words: “Be strong in the Lord and power of His might.” You’re more than a conqueror, so keep the faith and fight the good fight. Little by little, bit by bit, Keep pressing toward the mark of the prize, But don’t you quit. Keep on keeping on . . . You’ll make it through the storm Little by little, bit by bit. Little by little, bit by bit, Keep pressing toward the mark for the prize, Little by little, bit by bit. Little by little, bit by bit. Little by little, bit by bit.
Lonnell Johnson Used with Permission of Lonnell Johnson, All Rights Reserved
DETRA D. CARTER
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MORE IN YOU CHALLENGE
I know you want to know how to overcome your
struggle. I know that’s one of the reasons why you may be
reading this book. Here are some of the practical things
that I did in my journal to help me work through the pain
of the struggle. I challenge you to identify one issue in
your life that is causing your emotional turmoil and work
through it using a three step process which includes
praying, planning, and praying again.
Have you ever heard the saying, “write the
vision and make it plain”? Well, it’s not a saying, but
it comes out of the book of Habakkuk 2:2. You may
have many ideas but until you write them down they
are just thoughts. When you write them down, they
become real. They become goals that will become a
reality. Writing them down is like engraving hope
into your heart for a brighter future.
PRAY
How do you feel about the issue? (i.e.: sad,
discouraged, depressed, angry, frustrated, etc.)
Ask God what He is trying to teach you?
Listen to His still small voice directing you in what to do.
PLAN
What is the problem? When did you start having this problem?
How have you contributed to the problem?
What can you do at this moment to minimize the
problem?
Who can help you with the problem?
DETRA D. CARTER
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Identify what you can do about the dilemma.
Accept what you cannot do about the issue.
Evaluate the consequences for your actions Make a decision to trust God, and believe that you
will make the right choice for you with God’s help.
PRAY AGAIN
Present your plan to God.
Release your feelings of anxiety, doubt, and fear to
Him. In other words, let go and let God.
As you go through this process with various issues,
remember that success is at the end of your struggle. If
you don’t keep pressing until the end, you will never
realize your dream. You will never know what it means to
count it all joy because of the testing of your faith (James
1:2).
Don’t you want to finally pass the test? Don’t you want
to know what it really means to persevere and rest in the
Lord? I can tell you what it means for me, but I can’t tell
you what it will mean for you. For me, I learned how to
rely on God and to trust Him with my life. I learned how to
depend on Him, when I couldn’t depend on anyone else. I
decided to keep on believing expecting to receive. In
essence, I made up my mind that it was worth the fight.
Have you made up your mind? Is it worth the fight?
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AM I GOOD ENOUGH?
“I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me”
(Phil. 1:6).
Why would God choose me? That was the question that I constantly asked myself before I accepted my
destiny. I didn’t understand why He would choose me to encourage His people when He has so many other people
to choose from. I thought to myself, “I just want a regular job that is enough to provide for my family.” However,
God had other plans. Just like the Bible says, He knows the plans that He has for us. He has plans to prosper us and
bless us more than we can ask or think (Jer. 29:11; 3 John. 1:2).
The problem is that I didn’t think that I was good enough to receive all of His blessings. I knew I didn’t
deserve it so I didn’t ask for anything spectacular. Obviously at this point, I was not able to think BIG. I couldn’t see
past my nose. Ironically enough, I thought I was smart enough to offer my detailed opinions about my future unto
the Lord. There is a saying out there that suggests that God laughs at our plans. But I don’t think He laughed at
mine. He’s my friend, so He wouldn’t do that. But I’m sure my plans made Him smile on many occasions. I would
go as far to say, that He would shake His head and smile.
God, the one who created the universe, also created me and you. He knew what He made us for, and
what He designed us to do. Don’t you know that God knew what He was doing when He made you! He is
everything, so that means that He can see your beginning and your end. When He looks at you, He sees your
potential. He doesn’t see all of your mistakes and blunders. He wants you to understand that you don’t have to
measure up to any special standards set by the men of the world because He has designed a special standard just
for you.
The previous statement does not mean that you should not follow the law. It means that you don’t have to
compete with anyone to your left or to your right. Ultimately you answer to God, and the standards that He has set
forth for you in His word. During the storms of life, the best thing for you to do is to look ahead. If you look ahead
you will see Him; and through Him you will see yourself as He sees you.
There is more in you that you have yet to realize. You know why you haven’t realized it yet? It’s because you
are stuck on yourself. You’re dwelling on what you should have done. You’re thinking about what you wouldn’t
have done—if only. You’re dreaming about what could have been. While you’re doing this, God is waiting for you
to step into your future. While you’re in the past, He’s waiting for you to step into the here and now.
There is nothing too hard for God. So what, you messed up and made some mistakes. So what, you should
have made a different decision—suck it up, that’s life. God knows how to make it all work together for your good if
you would just believe Him (Rom. 10:28).
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His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8). You can take the easy route, but that route will not take you to
your destiny. Your route will land you on Mediocre Street. You’ll be wondering what it is like on Success Lane, but
will not have a clue how to get there without God’s help.
God knows how to get you where you need to go. Experiencing hard times brings out what is really inside.
How can you discover that there is more in you if you have never had to deal with anything difficult? If life doesn’t
offer a challenge to you, then how will you be able to work up to your full potential? If life was that easy, you
wouldn’t even care about your potential. In essence, it would be heaven.
Well, I hate to break it to you, but you have not arrived at the pearly gates just yet. In the meantime, need to
know that if you stick with God, He’ll get you there. Sometimes He may need to carry you. In fact, there may be
times throughout this process that you will look back and see one set of footprints. When you look back, you’ll
know that someone must have been carrying you because you were too weak to move on.
As quiet as it’s kept, God likes to use the least of them. He likes to use the one who is unlikely to succeed
instead of the one who is most likely to succeed. So, don’t think that He hasn’t chosen you. In the great book, 2
Thessalonians 2:13-15 proves that He chose you before the foundations of the earth.
If that’s not enough, let’s look at the history in the Bible. God chose David who was the
youngest in his family to become a great king. David was actually a shepherd boy, and it’s fair
to say tending the sheep is not a prestigious position. In fact, when Samuel arrived after receiving
instruction from the Lord that a king would come out of the house of Jesse, David was not even
considered as an option for a king. He was out doing his job, minding his business (1 Sam. 16:1-
22). So when you feel like so many people have counted you out, God has not forgotten you.
So let’s think about that. God knows your name. The king of kings knows who you are. How astonishing is
that! You know the man! You’re in there. If you don’t know Him, get to know Him. Knowing God alone makes you
good enough. If God calls you a friend, what makes you think you’re not good enough? He said in the Bible that
God doesn’t call you a servant but He calls you a friend (James 2:23). Who are you to reject the gifts that God has
given you? There you go being rude again. God took the time to shape you; and you tell me you’re not good
enough.
I truly understand because I too thought that I wasn’t good enough. I thought that there was no way that
God could have chosen me. I knew my value in my own sight; but I didn’t know what God thought of me. I didn’t
know that I was loved by God regardless of what I did (Rom. 5:8). I was trying to prove my worth to no avail. God
knew that we would never measure up, which is why He sent His son, Jesus to die for us (John 3:16). He knew that
we needed something that we didn’t deserve, which is grace. There is nothing that we could ever do to be good
enough, but God has decided that we are. He has chosen to justify us through grace (Titus 3:7). Now if He says that
we are justified. His opinion trumps our point of view; so therefore we are good enough. God is the only one that
can judge you, so quit judging yourself before He’s finished.
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Think about it like this. Imagine that a potter has started making a beautiful masterpiece. It looks finished, so
you decide to judge it and you notice some details out of place. The artist may be annoyed that you decided to
judge his work before it was done. He might say, “Stop inspecting it, I’m not even finished yet!” So if God is the
potter and He has made a masterpiece who is you, it is impolite to judge yourself too soon.
Now that you have decided to stop judging yourself, you need to stop comparing yourself to other pieces
of art. Who are you to tell God that you don’t like His design? He says that you are a masterpiece and you are
perfect (Heb. 10:14). If God says you’re perfect, then you are perfect.
However, you must remember that His thoughts are not our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8). We don’t see things how
He sees it. We cannot wrap our little pea brains around the mighty things of God. So just take His word for it and
believe that you are good enough. He made you just how He wanted you to be.
I used to compare myself all of the time. Is she prettier than me? Does my body look as good as hers? I’m
just as smart as she is—I guess. Did I do it better than the one before me? Did I measure up? She got a better car
than I did. Her style has a flare that mine doesn’t have.
I always wanted to know what the standard was in order to exceed it. This is not that bad of a thing if it’s
done with the right motives and using God’s standards. I was using the world’s standards; and I was doing it to
make myself feel better about myself.
The Bible doesn’t have any measures of worth measured by outward appearances, but God judges the heart
(1 Sam 16:8). Even though I knew that this whole process was pointless, I did it anyway. I would have endless
conversations with my friends about how I think that I’m better than this person for this or that reason. I’m
embarrassed to admit it, but I did.
According to the Bible we are to produce fruit. So if we are the fruit of an apple tree would we look at the
other apples on the tree and compare ourselves to it? Would we say, “That apple is bigger than me—that’s not
fair.” Would we say, “I don’t like my color, I’m green and I want to be red.” What if one of the apples fell on the
ground and got bruised? The apple would still be edible right? All someone would have to do is cut around the
bruised part. It’s still good enough.
So you see, you have no reason to compare yourself to others. The way that God made someone else is
none of your business. The only reason that you should look at someone else is to learn from them. If you want to
be successful, the best thing that you can do is follow the example of someone who is successful. However, it’s
important not to want to be the person you are following.
For instance, people have said that I could be the next Oprah. I take that as a major compliment because I can
identify with her. I see that Oprah experienced adversity and trauma. As I look closer at her story, she was a teen
mother too, but her child was still-born. She also was not afraid to share her history of hurt and pain with the
world. As a result, her story is an inspiration to many people—especially to African American women.
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Surprisingly enough, while Oprah is extremely successful, her success came out of failure. Originally,
Oprah started her career as a co-anchor. Due to mispronunciations, complaints about her appearance, and a
questionable interview with a fire victim, she was demoted from a broadcaster to a presenter.
Oprah’s new position as a presenter of a talk show was actually the avenue to her destiny. Some people
would have perceived her experience as a broadcaster as a failure, but I see it as a set up for success. It would have
only been a failure, if she would have quit after being demoted. She didn’t give up, despite her circumstances. I
admire her because she was transparent enough to let the world see her go through the process. In essence, she
let us all see her road in between the valley to the mountain top.
Obviously, Oprah’s history did not determine her destiny. Her beginning certainly wasn’t her end. She
could have whined about her not being good enough, or compared herself to others. As you can see, she didn’t
have too many people to compare herself to because of her originality. She did something new and you can too. As
you step into your greatness remember this:
Don’t compare yourself to the next one when you could be the best one.
Don’t let where you came from determine where you’re going.
Don’t smother the fire before it expires.
Don’t let another’s perception become your own opinion.
Don’t you want to become all that you were meant to become? Don’t you want to be all that you can be? If
you compare yourself to others, you are putting limits on your own potential. What does it take for you to see that
there is more in you? There is nothing that you can do to make people realize your full potential if you haven't
realized it for yourself. If you don't believe that you can do it then how do you expect others to believe in you?
You are looking for someone to give you the okay. Have you forgotten that God has already given you His
approval? Whose opinion is greater than God’s? God says that He approves of you, so you don’t need to be
concerned with pleasing other men. Your primary concern should be pleasing God and God alone (Rom. 14:18). As
a result, some people may be pleased, and some may not. You cannot let other people determine the level of your
potential.
You must be your first cheerleader, so get started. Tell yourself, "I can do whatever I set my mind to do
through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:19)." Some people feel silly saying things aloud but you must begin to
talk to yourself. After you say something so many times, you have no choice but to take action. What you think you
will say, and what you say you will do.
If you have been thinking, "I can't do this," then you can't. On the other hand, if you have
been thinking, “I will do this," then you will. It is really that simple. For those of you that think
it is not, it's because you’re impatient. You expect for something to happen overnight. If you are
saying that you want to become a millionaire, then you can't expect to go outside and find a
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money tree in your yard. It's ridiculous, and it doesn't happen in real life. You have to develop a
plan and work the plan.
All of this motivational stuff is inspirational, but let’s get real. Regardless of how much you
believe in yourself, you will have discouraging moments. You will have imperfections that get
under your skin. Nonetheless, don't let anyone or anybody tell you that you cannot achieve
greatness. You are good enough!
Despite your imperfections, greatness is your destiny but that doesn't mean that you will
arrive there in two seconds flat. Now, what kind of ride would that be? Wouldn't it be boring if
that were true?
What is life really about? It's not an easy question, but I'm going to take a shot at it. Life is
about challenging yourself to become better each and every day. There is always going to be
something that you can do better and some area of your character in which you can improve.
When your eulogy is read, people will remember you for the way that your approached life.
People will remember that you tried to be your best. It is such a great honor to live a life of
purpose.
Sadly enough, everyone will not reach their full potential, and they will die with a dream in
their heart. They will never live the life of their dreams. With that reality in mind, what are you
going to do? Are you going to let rejection and dream snatchers take your dream? You have a
choice. You can view negative feedback as constructive criticism or take it as a blow to your
ego. What is more important your ego, or your dream?
If you really don’t believe in yourself and your abilities there is a reason why. It is up to
you to find out. Ask yourself why you don’t think you can do it. Is it the past? Is it because
you’ve made a lot of mistakes? Many successful people have made multiple mistakes, but that
didn’t stop them from believing in themselves. Why are you letting it stop you?
God believes in you, and He knows your potential. He thinks you are good enough even
when no one else does. He knows your beginning and your end. He promised to finish what He
started in you. You are the only one delaying your destiny. I know that you don’t mean to do it
because I didn’t mean to do it either.
Contrary to popular belief, you are stopping your own show. Do yourself a favor and tell
yourself today that you will no longer question if you are good enough. You will no longer doubt
your worth. You will take the limits off of your own potential and become everything that God
has destined you to be. According to the Bible, you are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm
139:14). If God believes you are good enough, then you should too.
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MORE IN YOU CHALLENGE
You may already know that you are good enough. In fact, I really hope you do. However, a
major theme in this book is developing self-worth. So regardless of if you know you are good
enough or not, complete this challenge.
Meditate on everything positive that you have to offer (Phil. 4:8).
Writing it down is not enough. You have to meditate on it. The Bible tells us to meditate on good things (Phil.
4:8). It also tells us to cast those negative thoughts down (2 Cor. 10:5). That does not mean negative thoughts will
not come, but we can get rid of them when they do. We can rid our mind of negative thoughts by forcing ourselves
to think of something positive when we are tempted to think negatively.
In other words, go to your happy place any time you start feeling down. Your happy place could be a sitting in
the sun on the beach or taking a nature walk. In your mind, go to that place and push those negative thoughts to
the wayside.
In addition, pray about any issues you have with acceptance of yourself—the good,
bad and the ugly. Ask God to help you accept yourself the way that He made you. If you
do not have self-acceptance issues, that is great. However, do not forget that there are
many people that do. If you sense someone is struggling with this issue, suggest this
exercise to them. This is a great way to help someone else who is struggling in that area
to overcome self-defeating thoughts.
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IS IT WORTH THE FIGHT?
“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let
endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete,
lacking in nothing” (James 1:2-4).
How can you be full of joy in the midst of a struggle? For many years, I did not understand
this concept. How am I supposed to smile while I’m fighting for my life, and struggling for my
dream? I mean that doesn’t even look right.
Let’s take a moment to picture it. See yourself in the boxing ring hitting your enemy
laughing. Okay, maybe that was a bad analogy. Of course you would laugh, if you’re the one
getting in the hits. Let’s flip that around, and think about it the other way around. How do you
keep a grin on your face when life has just hit you with a combo—a jab, upper cut and one in
the gut? See I told you, it doesn’t make sense.
It doesn’t make sense when you are leaning to your own understanding. When you are
going through a struggle, you can’t try to understand it with your own good sense. You will
drive yourself crazier. You must realize that whatever trial you are experiencing will work out
for your good somehow (Rom. 8:28).
Now, don’t go trying to figure it out now. You will not be able to understand how this will
work out for your good until it’s over. Understanding the vision is God’s job, and He doesn’t
need your help. All He needs is for you to believe that He will see you through it.
When I think of the word, “struggle,” my marriage is the first thing that comes to mind.
Throughout my marriage, I struggled to learn life lessons that were vital to my success and my
discovery that there was more in me.
Is there something that you desire with all of your heart; but it feels out of your grasp? It’s
almost like it slips through your fingers every time you get close to having the life of your
dreams. Better yet, it’s like trying to capture a beautiful butterfly. You say to yourself, “Just sit
still so I can catch you.”
The problem is that butterflies do not sit still. That is not what they were designed to do—
they fly. On the other hand, before a butterfly flies, it goes through a process of
transformation. Similar to that your dream goes through a process of transformation as you
struggle through this thing we call life.
I had a dream that I was trying to catch. My greatest dream was a happy marriage and
family. This was the dream closest to my heart partially because I didn’t have it growing up.
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After I had my first child, I was able to cope with being an outcast due to my teenage
pregnancy because I had a dream. I knew that those years in high school were only temporary.
When I got out of high school, I would have the life of my dreams. I would have it all—a happy
family, a thriving career and an intimate relationship with God.
What I didn’t realize is that it wouldn’t be that easy. I had to learn how to let go of some
things to make room to receive bigger and better from the heart of God. Unfortunately, I didn’t
know that either. I kept trying to run after a dream that had transformed into something
greater and more beautiful than I realized.
I cried over my dream many days and many nights. I mourned for months that went onto
years. My friends didn’t think that I would ever get over it. My heart dripped blood, developed
scabs and bled again. I got to the point, where I would stab myself in the heart—figuratively
speaking of course. I didn’t want to ever get numb, so it was better to feel something than to
feel nothing at all.
People didn’t understand why I was hurting myself. They would say, “Why don’t you just
move on?” I had permission from God Himself to move on after we had both committed
adultery; but I still couldn’t do it. In my mind, if we got a divorce, then my dream would be
truly dead. I couldn’t let it go.
The lesson in this is that I needed to learn how to let go and let God change me. However,
at the time I felt like I would have been settling for less. Less than my dream would have been a
step family, which isn’t necessarily bad. But it was not my dream. I dreamed of my children
having one mother and one father. I didn’t want them to have to split themselves between two
families.
During the midst of that struggle, I almost gave up on my dream. I thought that it was too
hard and maybe I could take a break. I thought that he loved me; so I thought that no matter
what we would still be together. Everyone kept telling me that sometimes you have to love them
enough to let them go. While this is true, I didn’t interpret it appropriately. I thought that I
would loosen my grip, but I didn’t have to really let it go. I thought that as long as I was
touching him with my finger tips that I would be able to keep him.
I had it twisted and upside down. For one, it should never be a woman’s goal to try to keep
her man. Being a lady is usually enough to keep a real man, but that’s a whole new book. The
point is that I was attempting to control and manipulate the situation. The fact of the matter is
that I was trying to control a matter that had always been out of my control. After that, I had
the nerve to get upset because I couldn’t pull the strings in my life. I just couldn’t wrap my
head around the fact that God was and is always in control.
Regardless of how out of control a situation may seem, God is in control. It is not our place
to stand up and fight battles that only God can win. We must ask God to give us the
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discernment to know the difference. At a time in my life, I felt so threatened that I decided to
fight a battle that was not my battle to fight.
At one point, I didn’t believe that God could dream bigger dreams for me. Because of that, I
fought for my dream with the hope that was still within me. In reality, the little girl in me stood
up inside of me and pushed the woman I was becoming down. She decided that we could make
my ex-husband do what he should do if she just proved to him that we were worth it. If we
could do that, we could live the life of our dreams. Clearly, the little girl in me had it all wrong.
The poor little thing had an inferiority complex. She was trying to prove her worth by putting
herself in a devaluing situation.
I will never forget the day that I found out that my dream was dying. I was stopping by my
husband’s apartment for one reason or another. I walked into the apartment and saw her
shoes in the middle of the floor. While she was not in plain sight, I knew she was there. I
spotted her purse and decided to look in it. To my surprise, I found her ultra sound pictures.
My heart dropped, and I felt like the pain was too much to bear. All I could think to do was to
make it stop. Without thinking, I tried to destroy the pictures.
It’s funny how emotions work. They prompt you to do things that have no logical reasoning
whatsoever. My emotional mind said that tearing up these pictures would take some of the
pain away. So, I proceeded to attempt to rip the pictures in half with my bare hands. When
that didn’t work, I found scissors and tried to cut them.
I was in an utter rage. In the midst of this, my ex-husband was trying to stop me and I cut
my finger. When I saw the blood I stopped, my husband held a towel on my hand and cried
with me. The blood made a puddle on the floor and we cried together over a dream that we
knew would never be the same.
Obviously, I struggled with recovering from this incident. The saddest part about the whole
ordeal was that it didn’t have to be as hard as I made it for myself. I fought the process the
entire time. One day I wanted him and the next day I didn’t. I was being blown with the wind,
which is why the Bible says that a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways (James 1:8).
I was all over the place.
If I would have just listened to the word of the Lord, I would have saved myself a lot of
grief. God was saying to me that I needed to let go, and He would take care of it. Letting go did
not mean that I had to stop believing. It meant that I had to submit under the mighty hand of
God and let Him deal with the situation.
I struggled with giving this situation to God because I feared that it wouldn’t turn out the
way I thought that it should. Sadly enough, I hadn’t even considered that maybe just maybe
God was in the process of my transforming my dream. At this point, I had struggled so much
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with my dream that I was dead tired. I looked up to the heavens and wondered, “Is it worth the
fight?”
Have you ever felt that way? Do you think about your dreams and wonder if it’s worth it?
Do you struggle believing that it can really come true? Do you question if God will really do it
for you? I understand, trust me I do. What you have to realize is that shooting for the stars will
cost you something. Even though it is worth it, it will cost you something. If you’re not sure if
you are willing to pay the price, then you may not be ready to pay the price.
Don’t be like me and refuse to take the time to count up the costs (Luke 14:25-35). In
other words, I wanted instant gratification—all problems solved overnight. My friend, don’t
think that way. It will have you going around the mulberry bush until you’re dizzy. Submit to
God and allow Him to help you make the most difficult decisions of your life.
More specifically, I didn’t take the time with God to pray and plan. In order to pray and
plan, I needed to spend some time alone with God. I refused to be alone because it hurt so
badly; and I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to think about the way that I really felt about
the broken pieces of my marriage.
The cuts in my heart were so deep that I thought I would bleed to death. God knew the
inner depths of my heart, but I wouldn’t let Him heal me. I just couldn’t deal with the pain. In a
way I found every way that I could to side-step dealing with the broken pieces of my heart.
The defining moment was when the little girl inside me stood up again and decided that we
were going to fight for my marriage. No matter what, it was worth it. It was worth it because it
was my dream. Anything worth having is worth fighting for—right? Well, it depends. It is not
wise to fight against coming out of a place of darkness and utter despair. It is not worth
fighting for unhappiness, hurt, pain, and low self-esteem.
I was fighting for the wrong thing, and for the wrong reasons. Sadly enough, the little girl
inside of me reminded me of all of my mistakes throughout the marriage. The little girl inside of
me felt like a failure. Little Dee felt like she could have done more to make it work. The
counterfeit diva in me felt like she could make things right again because no one takes her
man. The little girl in me decided to fight for her man despite it all.
Remember I told you that the little girl had pushed the diva in training down to the
ground. The woman inside of me was off in a corner crying and the little girl took over. She said
that we had failed and we needed to make this thing right. The woman inside me was heart-
broken so she just did as she was told. The little girl said that we were going to fight with our
own strength instead of the strength of God. She wanted us to achieve before we really
believed.
It took some time, but the woman in me finally stood up with tears in her eyes. I told the
little girl to sit her tail down and explained some things to her. The true diva in me explained
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that our failures make us who we are. Our failures give us the drive to strive for more. Our
failures will eventually make us great. I told her that change doesn’t come over night, and we
would have to struggle through it to come out on the other side.
The fact of the matter was that it is worth it—no matter how long it takes. “It” is the
process of change, which differs from person to person. The fact of the matter is that we don’t
have to prove our worth to anyone. God knows our value and it was time that we started acting
like it.
Have you ever felt like you just want to stop struggling? As Oprah said in the Color
Purple, "I've had to fight all of my life..." At some point, I accepted it as the norm. I never
realized that struggling will make you stronger. My ongoing struggles have allowed me to come
to a place of success and satisfaction.
While struggle is not the key to success, it has been an avenue for contentment for me. I
know what it means to want and not have. I understand what it means to grieve for mistakes
that have caused life changes. I have experienced watching a dream die, made over, and then
resuscitated back to life. Through everything, I know that if I had never struggled, I would have
never lived.
God knew what was in me and how to get it out. He was in the process of perfecting me
and it took me so long to accept it. He wanted me to develop His character within me. I had
some good qualities but my temper was out of control. Don’t get me started on my lack of
patience. God allowed this trial in my life in regards to my marriage so He could perfect my
character.
The Bible says to be slow to anger and slow to speak (James 1:9). Well, I was the opposite.
The Bible also instructs us to be anxious for nothing, and anxiety was at the depths of my soul.
God promises us that what He starts in us, He will finish. He promised to help me become like
Him, and He knew what it would take to get me there (Phil. 1:6).
He knew I would start out kicking and screaming. I resisted because I didn’t know how to
surrender; but God taught me how. I wasn’t mature enough to give everything to Him. At the
end of this particular struggle I learned that nothing else matters but being with Him. With
God on my side, how could I be afraid?
Sometimes we are so afraid of change that we become stagnant. To grow spiritually you have to learn
how to surrender to God and what He wants for your life. God wanted me to develop a Christ-like character. He
wanted to get the whining and complaining out of me. He wanted to develop patience in me. He wanted to
develop self-control within me.
Ultimately, He was ripening the fruit within my spirit. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law” (Gal. 5:22-23
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(NIV). Most of all, God was showing me the essence of true love. Not just love, but agape love. Our creator has
agape love for us which is unconditional and self-sacrificing (1 John 4:8).
God is willing to watch us struggle so that we will change. Developing a Christ-like character is worth the
fight. Allowing God to shape your dreams is worth the struggle. Sustaining your faith in the midst of obstacles is
worth the struggle.
I realize more and more each day that it’s worth the fight. God wants to complete you and develop every
part of you. So, count it all joy that He is making you, and not breaking you (James 1:2). He wants you to have
everything that He has in store for you. He wants you to be perfect, lacking nothing, but you’ve got to fight the
good fight of faith (1 Tim. 6:12). Don’t give up and don’t give in until you reach the end.
LITTLE BY LITTLE, BIT BY BIT
For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little: Isaiah 28:10 Little by little, bit by bit, Keep pressing toward the mark for the prize, But don’t you quit. Keep on keeping on . . . You’ll make it through the storm Little by little, bit by bit. When you find that big old mountain right ahead of you. And you just can’t seem to get over or around it, no matter what you do; You don’t seem to have the faith to say, “Mountain, get out of my way!” And you’re so overwhelmed at times that you can’t even pray, Be like David and encourage yourself in the Lord and say, Little by little, bit by bit, Keep pressing toward the mark for the prize, But don’t you quit. Keep on keeping on . . . You’ll make it through the storm Little by little, bit by bit. You started your journey with the Lord and just wanted to bless, But seems like life took a turn and is now one big mess. Though things may not turn out the way you think they should, Someday you’ll look back and see that all things worked together for your good. Just remember that no matter what happens that the Lord is good. Little by little, bit by bit, Keep pressing toward the mark for the prize, But don’t you quit. Keep on keeping on . . . You’ll make it through the storm Little by little, bit by bit.
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Be encouraged and know the Lord will strengthen those who wait Times may be hard, but you’ll reap someday if you just don’t faint. Weeping may endure for night, but joy will surely come in the morning light And remember these words: “Be strong in the Lord and power of His might.” You’re more than a conqueror, so keep the faith and fight the good fight. Little by little, bit by bit, Keep pressing toward the mark of the prize, But don’t you quit. Keep on keeping on . . . You’ll make it through the storm Little by little, bit by bit. Little by little, bit by bit, Keep pressing toward the mark for the prize, Little by little, bit by bit. Little by little, bit by bit. Little by little, bit by bit.
Lonnell Johnson Used with Permission of Lonnell Johnson, All Rights Reserved
MORE IN YOU CHALLENGE
I know you want to know how to overcome your struggle. I know that’s one of the reasons
why you may be reading this book. Here are some of the practical things that I did in my
journal to help me work through the pain of the struggle. I challenge you to identify one issue
in your life that is causing your emotional turmoil and work through it using a three step
process which includes praying, planning, and praying again.
Have you ever heard the saying, “write the vision and make it plain”? Well, it’s not
a saying, but it comes out of the book of Habakkuk 2:2. You may have many ideas but
until you write them down they are just thoughts. When you write them down, they
become real. They become goals that will become a reality. Writing them down is like
engraving hope into your heart for a brighter future.
PRAY
How do you feel about the issue? (i.e.: sad, discouraged, depressed, angry, frustrated,
etc.)
Ask God what He is trying to teach you?
Listen to His still small voice directing you in what to do.
PLAN
What is the problem?
When did you start having this problem? How have you contributed to the problem?
What can you do at this moment to minimize the problem?
Who can help you with the problem?
Identify what you can do about the dilemma.
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Accept what you cannot do about the issue.
Evaluate the consequences for your actions
Make a decision to trust God, and believe that you will make the right choice for you with God’s help.
PRAY AGAIN
Present your plan to God.
Release your feelings of anxiety, doubt, and fear to Him. In other words, let go and let
God.
As you go through this process with various issues, remember that success is at the end of
your struggle. If you don’t keep pressing until the end, you will never realize your dream. You
will never know what it means to count it all joy because of the testing of your faith (James
1:2).
Don’t you want to finally pass the test? Don’t you want to know what it really means to
persevere and rest in the Lord? I can tell you what it means for me, but I can’t tell you what it
will mean for you. For me, I learned how to rely on God and to trust Him with my life. I learned
how to depend on Him, when I couldn’t depend on anyone else. I decided to keep on believing
expecting to receive. In essence, I made up my mind that it was worth the fight. Have you made
up your mind? Is it worth the fight?
IT’S NOT OVER…
You have just read a few chapters from my book, There’s More in You!
Purchase the full copy here:
https://www.amazon.com/Theres-More-You-Sustain-Obstacles/dp/1467946559
Purchase the Kindle version here:
https://www.amazon.com/Theres-More-You-Detra-Wilson-ebook/dp/B00FKYWQ76
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THANK YOU!
Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey of growth and development. This
process will not be easy, but it is worth it. You WILL get through this! It is an honor and a
privilege to offer you my support as you actualize into the new you.
I want to hear from you. What can I do to serve you? I invite you to send me any
questions that you may have. Connect with me!
https://www.facebook.com/moreinyoucoaching/
https://twitter.com/moreinyoucoach
https://www.instagram.com/moreinyoucoach/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/moreinyoucoach/
If you have a specific question or you just want to share your experiences, email me at
Congratulations for starting the process of becoming the new you!
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Detra is a certified life coach, author, and educator. She is also the owner of More in You
Coaching, a social enterprise dedicated to helping youth reach their potential using a holistic
approach. Detra has a bachelor’s degree in English and a master’s degree in education. She
received a life coaching diploma and a Christian life coaching certification from New Life
Coach, Inc. In addition, she has obtained a life coaching certification from University of NLP.
Currently, she is a Ph.D. candidate at Capella University in the human services program with a
specialization in non-profit management and leadership.
