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7/27/2019 Difficulties Military Families Face.ppt
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Challenges for Military FamiliesBy Becca Bettis MA/PSYC
Program Manager The Soldiers Project Sacramento
The Soldiers ProjectFree, Confidential
Psychological Counseling For Military Service Members and
Their Loved Ones
Website: www.tspsacramento.org
Email:[email protected]
Local: 916-792-3728
Toll Free: 877-557-5888
7/27/2019 Difficulties Military Families Face.ppt
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The Unique Culture of the
Military
“THE FORTRESS / WARRIOR SOCIETY”
The Paradox of The Military
It’s Members Do Not Live In Democracy Themselves
Authoritarian Structure
89% of Military “Children” identify their families asauthoritarian
Run A Tight Ship At Home
An imbalance in authority and Family Boundaries…Military Families are often organized like a miniature army.
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Trials & Tribulations of the
Military Family
For those families where the “Authoritarian MilitaryStructure” extends into the home, this parenting stylecan work, at least at the elementary school level.
Children rebel against “authoritarian” parenting style
Major problems exist when “Tyrannical” and sometimes“abusive” family behavior is exhibited.
Children blame military for all of their problems….TheyDO NOT have the choices they see other young peoplemaking
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Trials & Tribulations of the
Military Family
An average tour of duty may be three years and movesmay be more frequent.
Children have gone to many schools by the 7th and12th grade. Many have never visited their grandparentshomes. Many have no idea what having contact withkids they knew in elementary school was like.
Everything appears temporary, so the focus is inward…
Us vs. Them. Many military families are seen as“transient” and are often targets of mistrust and hostility.
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The needs of the “ParentSystem” take
precedence over theneeds of the children.
There is difficulty meeting
the “fundamental “needs of “Trust andSafety” for their childrenbecause the family isconsumed with dealingwith the needs of theparents.
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Parental Characteristics The belief that the child does not have a problem,
but instead is the problem.
The child does not have a need (anxiety, depression,academic issues), but rather is lazy, stupid or screwedup.
Children detach from feelings as they learn that their feelings are of little or negative value.
Responsibility for meeting the emotional needsbecome skewed because parents are either physically not present or emotionally unable toaddress the needs of the child.
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Parental Characteristics Children learn that their own feelings are a source
of discomfort and tend not to develop a sense of
trust in their own judgments.
Because of the emotional unavailability of theparent, children often learn not to trust others or themselves.
From a mental health perspective, it is very importantto recognize that veterans do not experience war
alone and that the experience of war does notend when a tour is over.
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By early January2007, those that lost
their lives, over 47%
were married,
leaving behindalmost 2,000
children
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Modern Military Is Demanding
On Families
Frequent separations and reunions
Regular geographic household relocationsLife under the “Mission Must Come First”
Need for family to adapt its natural growth
and development to rigidity, regimentation
and conformity.
Early retirement from career in comparison to
civilian counterparts
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Modern Military Is Demanding
On Families
Rumors and background threat of loss during a mission
Feelings of detachment from mainstream of non-military
life
Security of a vast system that exists to meet familiesneeds
Work that more than likely involves travel and adventure
Social effects of rank on family
Lack of personal control over pay, promotion and other benefits
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5 Types of FamiliesA. Nuclear Family – Spouse and Children
B. Extended Family – Relatives and very close
friends
C. Military Family Unit – Specific unit to whichone is attached
D. Neighborhood Family – Friends in the
community of residenceE. Service Family – Branch of service providing
support services
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4 Types of IsolationA. Geographic – Family is separated physically
from its support system
B. Social Isolation – Support is only available atthe level of acquaintance
C. Emotional – Support of Deep friendships andlasting ties are not available
D. Cultural Isolation – Lack of access tovisual/performing arts, education andintellectual endeavors
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Unique Challenges and
Strengths of Military Children
There are almost 500,000 military children5 years of age or younger. More than
600,000 children of service members areschool age.
These school age children primarilyattend civilian public schools and theyalmost always represent a subculture inthese schools.
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Nomads
They think of
themselves as “Nomads”
“Where are you from?”
“Where is your home?”
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Adapting Children
Extremely diligent to fit in the new environment
and to find a niche quickly
Many of these children live in fear of not being
accepted... Who will they eat lunch with? Arethey still going to be a star on the basketball
team as they were at their last school?
Learning to say goodbye... A learned skill and
learned very early in life. Stuff their hurt, lossand pain for the “Good of the Mission”.
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External Focus of Control
Because their parents do not have control over theconstant changes, for many military children themessage is that all control is external.
Life In The Fortress
Characteristics of Secrecy, Stoicism and Denial areshaped by many military families.
What goes on in the family could have disastrousramifications to the military parent’s career. This canlead to the closing down of feelings of resentment,hopelessness, grief and fear that can lead to a
denial of self, rage toward self and others or simplygiving up.
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Developmental Age
Differences Infants - May refuse to eat
and appear listless.Unwillingness to eat and
weight loss. Earlyintervention/modelingparenting skills should beimplemented.
Toddlers – They begin to throwtemper tantrums or crying
increases. You should increaseattention, hugs and hand-holding.
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Developmental Age
Differences Preschoolers - May revert to younger behaviors, such as,
baby talking and thumb sucking. Reassure child with wordsand extra attention.
Elementary School Age - Whining, complaining, becomeaggressive or otherwise acting out feelings. Give childpermission to talk about their feelings and offer morephysical attention than usual.
Teenagers - May be irritable, rebellious, fight or participatein other attention getting behaviors. Child has a lack of
interest in school, peers and school activities. You shouldencourage them to stay engaged (through sports andsocial activities). Give them permission to express their feelings even if negative and be available to talk with themabout their concerns.
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How You Can Help Maintain consistency and routine to eliminate a
sense of insecurity. Have a predictable routineand home life.
Maintain good communication with honest age-appropriate discussions.
Pay attention to the needs of the children andcontinue to encourage good times to take awaysome of the pain of deployment. (special events,
hobbies, etc.)
Encourage them to maintain a healthy lifestyle byhaving nutritional foods, exercise and sleep.
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How You Can Help
Find out if parents left in charge are treating
the children as if they are adults. The children
need to be able to remain children.
Acknowledge a need for reassurance,
especially when children feel loss of control or
stability.
Create good behavior plans. Set limits and
have LOGICAL consequences. NOT punitive.
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Some Extra Tips for Schools At the pre-school and elementary level,
schools could create bulletin boards wherestudents bring pictures or write something
about their deployed parent(s).
At the Middle School/Junior High Schools,counseling groups can be effective for thosestudents who’s parents are deployed.
At the High School level, counselors candevelop small group counseling or supportsessions with students of those that aredeployed.
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Some Extra Tips for Schools
Encourage all staff to be careful ofvoicing their personal opinions about the
war or political situation. Keep newsreports to a minimum or createalternative assignments for those studentsof the deployed.