Dining Etiquettes Dining Etiquettes and Social Behaviorand Social Behavior

Wg Cdr(Retd) TVD Deshapriya USP psc

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Customs - Customs is, the usual way of doing things or acting – A strong corporate identity.– Group cohesion.– Link with the past.– Traditions of loyalty, courage and service

Etiquettes - Conventional rules of personal behaviour in polite society - Within the community we have particular rules of behaviour. In particular we need to be familiar with:– Hosting VVIPs, VIPs, and civil dignitaries.– The correct ‘form’ when a guest.– The rules of club.

ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR Respect for senior officers,

ladies and elderly people. Being polite. Being selfless. Being considerate. Having respect for property.

UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR Drunkenness when linked

with anything below. Profanity. Selfishness. Untidiness. Boorishness. Dishonesty. Vandalism. Discourtesy and failure to

display chivalry.

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TABLE MANNERS PRIOR TO THE MEAL

– Ladies will be seated first and should be helped to do so.

– If you have a senior or elderly neighbor allow him freedom to sit down before you seated and also assist him if necessary.

– A host will normally seat himself last. – Table napkins (the world is ‘napkin’ not ‘serviette’)

should be unfolded and laid on your lap in time for the first course

– Before the arrival of the food, do not rearrange the cutlery or touch the table silver.

– Sit up straight but be relaxed. – Ensure that your elbows do not prod your neighbor

and do not allow them to stray on to the table.

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DURING THE MEALHors d’oeuvre. Hors d’oeuvre is a dish usually served at the beginning of a meal. If you are offered a

selection, do not aim to sample them all. They are eaten with either a fish knife and fork or a teaspoon, depending on the delicacy. For melon, a dessert spoon and knife, or fruit fork and used.

Soup: Soup is eaten from a round-backed spoon. You should drink from the side of the spoon, and the spoon is moved away from you to pick up the soup and the soup plate is similarly tilted. This may seem rather strange, for other dishes are never eaten in this way, but it makes good sense because in the event of and incident you are less likely to cascade soup into your lap.

Fish. Fish, of course, is eaten with a fish knife and fork. A fish bone in the mouth should be removed unobtrusively with the fingers (behind a napkin) but bone or gristle from meat should be removed from the mouth and deposited on the plate with a fork.

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DURING THE MEAL

Entrée. An entrée is a dish served between the fish and the main course, and is eaten with a knife and fork.

Pudding. The pudding is normally eaten with a spoon and fork. The fork may be used by itself, but not the spoon, unless a special spoon is provided for such items as ice-cream or grapefruit.

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DURING THE MEAL Fruit. The fruit course is eaten with a dessert knife and fork. Fruit is normally cut up before

eating. The stones of stewed plums or prunes should be removed with the fork and spoon before eating.

Bread and Toast Dry Bread. Bread rolls and toast are more properly eaten with the left hand. They are broken and not cut, and should be buttered only as they are ready to be eaten.

Cutlery. Cutlery is laid out in accordance with the menu and is used from the outside towards the centre.

Salt, Pepper and Mustard. Salt is normally put on the side of the plate, not scattered. It is normal to scatter pepper over food as required. When you require condiments it is usual to ask specifically for salt, pepper or mustard. A salt or mustard spoon is not tapped on the plate to dislodge its contents.

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TABLE MANNERS Eat quietly, in small amounts, and with your mouth closed. Do not be tempted to reply to a question or converse if you are still

consuming a mouthful. Take your time but watch other guests at table and ensure that the

proceedings are not slowed down. Hands should rest in the lap when one is not eating, and a charged

fork should not be prepared between mouthfuls. Never leave a lady eating by herself.

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TABLE MANNERS Just as a host at dinner always leaves something

on his plate until all his guests have eaten, so too must you be aware of the pace of eating of the ladies in your vicinity.

If any item you require during the meal is not within comfortable reach (or rather, without stretching). Ask for it to be passed to you, but avoid breaking into someone else’s conversation.

You should not lean across in front of another diner to talk with a person beyond him. With his cooperation, however, it is quite usual to talk to a person once removed, providing you do not overdo it.

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If anything is spilled during the meal, ask a steward to clear it up. Similarly, if you drop an item of cutlery, a disappearing act under the tale is bad manners. Ask a steward to bring you another.

At the end of the meal the stewards will clear the tables before the port. All glasses, except those used for the toast, will be removed, whether finished or not.

You should place your napkin on the table and the steward will remove it, unless a dessert is to be served, in which case you should retain it. The menu is your guide.

TABLE MANNERS

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The fork is held in your left hand and the knife is held in your right when used at the same time.

You should hold your knife with the handle in your palm and your fork in the other hand with the tines (prongs) pointing downwards.

Food should be cut "one piece at a time" directly prior to eating, and then consumed. You may not "carve up" multiple pieces and then proceed to eat them.

If you’re eating a dessert, your fork (if you have one) should be held in the left hand and the spoon in the right.

TABLE MANNERS

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When eating soup, you should hold your spoon in your right hand and tip the bowl away from you, scooping the soup in movements away from yourself. The soup spoon should never be put into the mouth, and soup should be sipped from the side of the spoon, not the end

It is not acceptable to use your fingers to push food onto your fork, nor to handle most food items. Some foods such as fruit, bread, sandwiches or burgers may be eaten using fingers, and fingers are mandatory for eating some items, such as asparagus spears, which are traditionally served with sauce on the side for dipping.

If there are a number of knives or forks, start from the outside set working your way in as each course is served.

TABLE MANNERS

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Drinks should always be to the right of the plate with the bread plate to the left.

When eating bread rolls, break off a piece before buttering. Use your knife only to butter the bread, not to cut it.

Do not start eating before the host does or instructs guests to do so. At meals with a very large number of people, it is acceptable to start eating once others have been served.

When finished, place the knife and fork together at six o’clock with your fork on the left (tines facing up) and knife on the right, with the knife blade facing in. This signals that one has finished.

TABLE MANNERS

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The napkin should never be crumpled. Nor should it be folded neatly as that would suggest that your host might plan to use it again without washing it—just leave it neatly but loosely on the table.

Never blow your nose on your napkin. Place it on your lap and use it to dab your mouth if you make a mess.

It is considered rude to answer the telephone at the table. If you need to take an urgent call, excuse yourself and go outside.

Always ask for permission from the host and excuse yourself if you need to leave the table. You should place your napkin on your seat until you return. It is considered common courtesy for all gentlemen at the table to stand when a lady arrives or leaves the table.

TABLE MANNERS

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If you must leave the table or are resting, your fork should be at eight o’clock tines (prongs) pointing downwards and your knife at four o’clock (with the blade inwards). Once an item of cutlery has been used, it should not touch the table again.

Food should be brought to your mouth on the back of the fork.

Dishes should be served from the left, and taken away from the right. Unless the food is placed on your plate at the table, then it should arrive from the left.

Drinks should be served from the right.

TABLE MANNERS

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Never lean across somebody else’s plate. If you need something to be passed, ask the person closest to it. If you have to pass something, only pass it if you are closest to it and pass it directly to them if you can.

Salt and pepper shakers should be passed together.

Do not take food from a neighbour’s plate and don’t ask to do so.

You must not put your elbows on the table.

TABLE MANNERS

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If pouring a drink for yourself, offer to pour a drink for your neighbours before serving yourself.

If extra food is on the table, ask others if they would like it before taking it yourself.

When chewing food, close your mouth and only talk after you have swallowed it.

Swallow all food before eating more or drinking.

TABLE MANNERS

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Do not slurp your food or eat loudly. Never pick food out of your teeth with

your fingernails. Try to eat all the food you are served. Wine glasses should be held by the stem in

the case of white wines, and by cupping the bowl in the case of red wines

If port is served after the meal, then the decanter should be passed to the person on your left and never passed to the right.

TABLE MANNERS

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Never transfer food to your mouth with your knife. Never spit food out. Do not scrape your plate with your cutlery.

TABLE MANNERS

Notification of a Formal Dining to a Guest Formal invitation to be made at least 7 days before the event and will give details of the function as follows.

Date and time of assembly. – The time of assembly, normally, is 1930 hours for dinner at 2000

hours. Dress. The dress for a formal dining. Names of Chief Guest Guests invited

FORMAL DINING

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Assembly. All members assemble in the ante-room 30 minutes before dinner, taking care not to arrive before the stipulated time. This is a simple rule which is frequently broken.

On entering the room, seek the Host and say ‘Good Evening’ BEFORE helping yourself to a drink. If is also courtesy to say good evening to other senior members if you meet them

Stand in a smart but relaxed manner, avoid snapping ostentatiously to attention, heel-clicking or bowing.

FORMAL DINING

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During this time before dinner, sherry is taken or perhaps spirits, and it is customary for members to stand.

Smoking of cigarettes is unlikely to be permitted: pipes are definitely not tolerated.

Members should consult the seating-plan, which will be on display in the ante-room.

Do not forget to attend to the needs of nature before entering the dining-room.

FORMAL DINING

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Entry into Dinner. A senior steward will inform the Host that dinner is ready.

An announcement may be made. If the dinner is ready, the host along with chief guest lead the way followed by others.

At a ladies’ guest night, seek out the lady who is on your right at dinner, introduce yourself, and escort her into the dining-room.

Dining- room Layout. The dining tables are normally laid out either in the shape of a ‘U’ or an ‘E’.

Host sits at the center of the top table.

FORMAL DINING

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The Meal. Good manners and behaviour are expected throughout the meal. There are additional customary procedures which must be observed during the meal.

Courses. The meal will normally consist of at least 4 course. – Diners should not start eating any course until the

Chief Guest has started eating. – The stewards will wait until every person has signified

that he has finished a particular course before clearing away and returning with the next one.

– Obviously, it is not in good taste to devour food quickly but, conversely, the proceedings should not be lengthened by eating too slowly.

FORMAL DINING

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Mess Silver. The Silver may be displayed on the dining tables. Do not touch it. To do so normally incurs an expensive round of drinks.

Wine. Normally, red and white wine are served with the meal, the wines having been selected by the Host beforehand.

In this case, a collective charge for wine is made but, just because you pay for it, this does not mean you should try drink as much as you can.

FORMAL DINING

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The Port. Towards the end of dinner, the Host will pass, in a clockwise direction, the port and Madeira decanters, the stoppers having been removed.

The decanters should not be allowed to scratch the table but there is no convention which precludes their being put down.

Each person helps himself, according to his choice, and then passes the decanters to his left; the Host help themselves last and replace the stoppers in the decanters.

FORMAL DINING

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Water. Anyone who do not wish to take port or Madeira should leave their glasses unfilled and pass the decanters on to their left. Their glasses will be filled with water by one of the stewards.

The Loyal Toast. When glasses are charged with port, Madeira or water and the stoppers have been replaced in the decanters, all Mess staff leave the dining-room.

Coffee, Liqueurs and Smoking. After the toast has been drunk, coffee and liqueurs are served. After Dining Speeches. When the bandmaster and head chef have left, or at a reasonable interval after coffee and liqueurs

have been served, Host will introduce the after dinner speakers. They alone will stand and those being toasted remain seated. Emergencies. If for any reason (eg, an emergency call or feeling suddenly unwell) you are obliged to leave the dining-room

before dinners is over, you must walk round to the host and ask his permission to leave.

FORMAL DINING

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Leaving the Dining-room.

FORMAT OF A DINING – IN NIGHT