Dinning Skills by Maralee McKee

8/18/2019 Dinning Skills by Maralee McKee

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1 i I m p r e s s i v e D i n i n g S k i l l s f o r E v e r y M e a l

S imply stated, the dining manners you use are an outward expression of your sensitivity to the comfortof those around you. You’ll nd here the most important and impressive dining skills that will equip youto enjoy each meal with ease, savvy, and condence. Put these skills into practice and whether you’re

enjoying breakfast with your family, an important business lunch, or a romantic dinner for two, you’ll be free toconcentrate on issues that matter: your conversation, your agenda, and—most importantly—the other person.

Seven Course Meal Setting

Individual

Pepper Shaker

Individual

Salt Shaker

Butter Knife

Bread & Butter

Plate

F i s h F o r k

D i n n e r F o r k

S a l a d F o r k

S a l a d K n i f e

D i n n e r K n

i f e

F i s h K n i

f e

S o u p S p o o n

Cocktail

Fork

Sherry

Glass

White

Wine Glass

Red

Wine Glass

Water

Goblet

Champagne

Flute

Dessert Spoon

Dessert Fork

Menu


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2I m p r e s s i v e D i n i n g S k i l l s f o r E v e r y M e a l i

Setting the Table • The items that go on the RIGHT of your plateall have ve letters—the same number as in the word

Right—glass, knife, and spoon.Place the knife next to the plate with the blade facingthe plate and with the glass directly above the knife.When a spoon is needed, place it to the right of theknife. • For adults, and children over the age of ve,vegetables as well as starches, like mashed potatoesand rice, should be eaten with a fork. For this reason, itis not considered correct to set a spoon at each placesetting other than for breakfast.Some common foods correctly eaten with a spooninclude gelatin, applesauce, yogurt, cereal, ice cream,pudding, and, of course, soup.

• Although you have to play with the words a little,the items properly set to the LEFT of the plate allhave four letters—the same as in the word Left—fork,

roll (or bread of any type), and napkin. Fork and rollare easy to remember because they both have fourletters. To get napkin to t, remember that it’s used to“wipe” your ngers and lips, and you have another four-letter reminder. • The napkin is placed to the left of the fork,

not under it, because it is the rst item used in theplace setting. (Etiquette states that once a utensil istouched, it should not touch the table again. Puttingthe napkin under the fork requires us to touch the forkto get to the napkin.) • For special meals, a napkin may be folded into funshapes and placed directly on the plate. • When a napkin is placed in a glass, it’s a signal thatthe server will place it on your lap for you. • At meals with six or more guests, it’s a good ideato use place cards. The cards show your guests you’vegiven thought to their comfort at dinner by choosing

whom they might enjoy conversing with during themeal. Place cards can be positioned directly above thedinner plate or above the forks, next to the bread andbutter plate.

Butter Knife

Bread & Butter

Plate

D i n n e r F o r k

S a l a d F o r k

D i n n e r K n i f e

Dessert Spoon

Dessert Fork

Wine

Glass

Water

Goblet

S o u p S p o o n

Three Course Meal Setting


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Coming to the Table • Remain standing until everyone comes to the table.The host/ess should be the rst to sit; after that, thewomen guests sit, and lastly, the men. • As you sit, in order to avoid bumping into otherguests as you each enter your chairs, always enter thechair from the chair’s right. (Your left leg will be therst to come into contact with the chair.) Always leavethe table by exiting from the chair in the same direc-tion you entered it. • As a sign of respect, any time grace is to be saidprior to a meal, don’t touch anything on the table untilgrace is nished.

• As a sign of appreciation for the host/ess, oncefood is served, allow him or her to be the rst one tobegin each course. Wait for him or her to pick up a forkand begin to eat.

Napkin Know-How • The host/ess will be the rst to remove his or hernapkin and place it on his/her lap to signal the meal hasbegun.

• Unfold your napkin once it’s on your lap, not while

it’s in mid-air. • Open your napkin completely and then refold it inhalf. Keep your napkin folded in half on your lap withthe fold facing your waist. • Wipe your ngers and lips on the top portion of thefold. The bottom half, touching your clothes, is thenkept as a barrier between the soiled portion of yournapkin and your lap.

• Wipe your ngers often, especially before passinganything. • Wipe your lips each time before taking a drink tokeep food particles or lipstick from forming a mark onthe glass.

• If, for any reason, you leave the table, place yournapkin on the seat of your chair and push your chairunder the table. No one should be left looking at yourdirty napkin while you’re away from the table.To avoid getting the seats of the chair dirty, remem-ber to place the clean side of the napkin against thecushion. • The napkin should remain on your lap throughoutthe meal and any after-dinner conversation. You placeit back on the table only when you get up to leave.

• To signal the end of the meal, the host/ess will be

the rst to remove her napkin from her lap and place itthe LEFT of her plate. Everyone else should then dothe same. • Don’t neatly refold a used napkin. Simply lay itloosely folded on the table.

Silverware Savvy • Once a piece of silverware has been picked up, nopart of it should touch the table again throughout themeal. • Cut one bite of food at a time. This keeps foodfrom becoming cold too quickly. It also slows down

your eating and keeps your plate looking neater.Make sure to cut and not saw your food. Cut in onedirection only. • To cut a bite of food, hold your knife in your righthand and your fork in your left hand. Place the indexnger of each hand at the top of the handle, directlybelow the tines of the fork, and the blade of the knife.After cutting a bite, place your knife down on yourplate and transfer your fork to your right hand. (If youare left-handed than reverse the process.)

The Silent Service CodeRest Position: This position silently “signals” to

the wait staff and your fellow diners that you plan tocontinue eating what’s on your plate. Use this positionwhen doing anything other than cutting your food.Exampls: taking a drink, eating a bite of bread or roll,


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chewing what’s in your mouth, talking, or if you tempo-rarily leave the table for any reason. How to Place your Fork: Lay the fork on your platewith the tines facing up and pointing at 10:00 (Unlikethe Continental style of eating, in the American style,the tines of the fork are always facing up whenever thefork is placed on the plate.) How to Place your Knife: Lay your knife across thetop right of the place at an angle. Make sure that thecutting edge (the blade) of the knife faces in towardsyou. (During the Middle Ages a knife laid with the“business end” facing out towards other diners was asign of aggression towards them.)

Finish Position: This position silently “signals” thewait staff and your fellow diners that you have nishedeating what’s on your plate and are ready for the nextcourse. How to Place your Fork: Place the tines of the forkup and pointing to 10:00 with the handle of the forkpointing to 4:00 as in the Rest Position. How to Place your Knife: Place your knife besideand just above the fork. Note: When placing your knife in the Finish Posi-tion, leave the handles extruding approximately oneinch off the plate. This allows for faster and quieter

removal of the plates from the table. The server cangrasp the plate and the silverware with one hand with-out the silverware clanging against the plate.

Being Served, Passing,and Requesting Food• The wait staff will serve all dishes and food items

from your left. This information is helpful so you’llknow which way to lean to avoid bumping into dishesas they are served to you. The wait staff will remove alldishes and food items from your right. • Beverages are both served and removed from yourright to avoid spilling them across your lap.

• When being served from a platter, take the serving

fork in your left hand and the spoon in your right; makesure to lay the serving utensils back side-by-side sothat it’s easy for the next guest to serve himself.

• Always take modest portions. Never fall to thetemptation of piling food high on your plate. It’s muchbetter to go back to the buffet line three times thanreturning once with food mounded on your plate. • If thin slices of meats are served, help yourself totwo. If the slices are thicker, take just one.

• For a family meal where everyone is seated aroundone table, all the food should be passed before anyonebegins to eat. • Help yourself to whatever dish is in front of you,

and then pass it to your right. All food should goaround the table and end-up back where it began. • It’s kind to hold the dish for the person on yourright so it’s easier for them to serve themselves. • Pay attention to the other diners. If you noticethey have eaten the item that was in the dish youoriginally passed around, offer them another serving.

• If an item has been passed around the table once,it no longer has to be passed to the right. Simply passit in the shortest possible route. • If everyone has had an opportunity to take aportion of each dish, and you see there’s more left, it’scorrect to request a second helping. In fact, this is a

compliment to the cook! • Always pass the salt and pepper together evenif only one was requested. Do not hand them to theperson next to you; instead, each person should sitthem down in front of the next person.


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Hors D’ Oeuvres• In order to keep your hands clean and ready forshaking at social functions, hold your beverage anda clean cocktail napkin in your left hand so that yourright hand is clean and ready to offer a handshake. • Never place used toothpicks back on the servingplatter. Place them instead in one of the small bowls,trays, or wastebaskets that should be placed in severalspots around the room. • If you can’t nd a tray or none is offered, place thetoothpicks in your paper cocktail napkin and throw itaway in the kitchen or even the bathroom wastebasket. • To avoid hot hors d’ oeuvres from splashing you

when you bite into them, allow them to cool prior toeating. .

Relishes • Relish trays aren’t seen much these days. If youdo encounter one, place the items you take from it onyour butter plate. If you don’t have a butter plate, use

the plate in front of you. • For olives, use your fork to transfer the pit fromyour mouth to the butter plate.

Shrimp Cocktail• Shrimp cocktail is usually eaten with the small

seafood fork found to the far left of the forks or in thebowl of the spoon on your right.

• If lemon is served, you may pick it up withyour fork and squeeze it with your right hand overthe cocktail. • Dip the shrimp into any cocktail sauce and eat fromthe fork in one or two bites. • For larger shrimp, you might need to place them onthe saucer under the cocktail glass and cut them withthe side of the fork or even your knife.

Soup • Always spoon soup away from you. As the spoontravels back across the bowl or plate, any drips willhopefully land back in the bowl instead of on yourshirt.

• It’s appropriate to tilt the bowl away from you toaid in getting the last drops! • When soup is served in a soup plate, rest yourspoon in the plate between bites and when nished. • When soup is served in a cup or bowl, rest yourspoon on the small under plate, not in the bowl. • Do not slurp your soup or blow on it.

• Add only one or two crackers to your soup at atime. Do not add a whole package at once! • When eating soup from a cup, you may drink thesoup once you’ve eaten all the solid pieces of meats orvegetables in the cup.

Breads, Rolls, andPastries• If the bread is next to you at the table, offer someto the person on your left, then take a piece yourself,

and then offer it to the person on your right, who willthen pass it around the table. • Do not cut rolls. Instead, tear off and butter justone bite at a time. Do not butter ahead for futurebites!If you don’t have a separate butter plate, simply placeyour bread on the left side of the plate in front of you. • If crumbs fall around your place setting as you tearthe bread, it’s ne to casually pick them up and placethem on your plate. • Tear your bread and butter it on your plate. Do not

hold the bread or butter it in midair.Biscuits, mufns, and toast should be cut in half andbuttered all at once. • A Danish should be cut in half or even quarters. Youmay then eat it with your ngers or, if it’s sticky, youmay use your fork. • When using jam or jelly, spoon it rst onto yourplate and then onto the bread or mufn.


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Finger Bowls • Finger bowls seem to perplex even the mostseasoned travelers, executives, and well-heeled diners.Not used often in the last 25 or more years, they offer

an excellent way for guests to refresh and clean theirhands after a meal.

• Traditionally presented in small crystal bowls witha single oating ower or slice of citrus as garnish, they

are brought to the table just prior to dessert on a lacedoily and placed directly in front of the diner.

• Slightly dip the ngers of one hand into the water

and then dry them on your napkin. Repeat with yourother hand and then remove both the doily and bowl

together by placing them above your plate and slightlyto the left.

Handling Dining AccidentsWithout Embarrassment • If you drop a piece of silverware on the oor of the

restaurant, simply ask the server to bring you another.There’s no need to pick up the dropped piece unless

someone might trip over it. • In someone’s home, pick up the dropped silverwareand ask for a replacement.

• If your napkin falls off your lap and you feel theoor is clean enough, simply pick it up and place it back

on your lap. • In a restaurant, immediately tell the wait staff if

a spill occurs to prevent others from slipping. If apiece of food drops, alert the staff only if it poses

a safety hazard.


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• At someone’s house, alert the hostess immediatelyof any spill and offer to help clean it. If a piece of fooddrops that doesn’t pose a tripping risk and won’t stainthe carpet, just leave it until after the meal. • If crumbs and small pieces of food fall off the plateand land around your place setting, feel free to subtlyplace them back on your plate to avoid drawing atten-tion to them when the plate is removed for the nextcourse to be served. • If you spill something on someone else, offer yourapologies and some napkins, but let the other persondo all the wiping.

“Excuse Me, Please!” • Dining mishaps are bound to happen. If you knowhow to best handle them before they occur, you canminimize embarrassment at the time. • If someone at the table burps, he should softly say,“Excuse me, please” to no one in particular. No one atthe table should comment unless it’s to say, “Of course”or to smile slightly as if to say, “I understand you didn’tdo it on purpose.” • Any bodily function other than a burp should beconsidered an unmentionable. No comment by theoffender or the other diners needs to be made. If you’remore comfortable saying, “Please excuse me,” then noone else should say anything.

• If someone needs to use the bathroom, he or sheshould leave the table quietly by simply saying, “Excuseme” to no one in particular. The exception would beat a restaurant when children need to seek a parent’spermission and have someone go with them for safety. • You can wipe your nose at the table if you happento have a handkerchief or tissue with you; never useyour napkin. Because of the rude sounds nose blowingmakes, it should be done away from the table. Like-

wise, if you feel a coughing spell coming on, leave thetable until it subsides. • For a random cough or sneeze, cover your mouthwith a tissue. If one is not available, use your napkin,not your hand.

Duties of a GraciousHost • It’s the duty of every host to pick the restaurant.Don’t put your guests into the awkward position ofnot knowing the limits of your hospitality or your bankaccount. Your invitation could go something like this,“Victoria, we know that you and Bob will be celebrat-ing your fth anniversary next month. To celebrate,Kent and I would like you to be our guests for dinnerat Café France.” You can then discuss which dates andtimes work best for everyone. • Make sure you’re at the restaurant before any of

your guests so you can welcome them as they arrive. • You may wait in the lobby or at your table.If you wait at the table, don’t place your napkin onyour lap or order a beverage. Your guests should see aperfectly set table when they arrive. • When it comes time to order, talk about whatyou’ve previously eaten at the restaurant and whatyou’re thinking of ordering now. This gives your guesta good idea of the price range of the items he or sheshould choose. • It’s always best to offer your guests at least threecourses: salad, entrée, and dessert. • Allow your guests to order before you and then

“match” your choices to theirs. If at a business meal theguest orders just a salad, you should forgo the soup,entrée, and dessert and have only one course as well. • During the meal you become in essence the “headwaiter.” Offer your guests another beverage when yousee the glasses half empty, offer more bread, and askif the food is to their liking. In general, you want toanticipate the needs of your guests and look after theircomfort.

• To avoid the inevitable refrains of, “Please allowme to buy us lunch today” when the bill is brought tothe table, the savvy host prepays for the meal. Whenyou arrive at the restaurant, hand your credit card tothe host or server. Instruct him or her to add a twentypercent tip to the bill and present only the nal total atthe table. You then only need to sign the receipt priorto leaving. Even better is to authorize your credit cardto be charged as in the rst example but request thebill not be brought to the table at all. Explain to yourguests that you’ve already taken care of payment.

• Then, after walking your guests to the door, youcan return to the hostess stand and sign the completedreceipt.


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Duties of aWelcomed Guest • Compliment the host on his or her choice of res-taurants, or, at a private home, the food served. If themeal was catered, you can compliment the host on hischoice of food or the lovely centerpieces, etc. • If the host doesn’t share what he or she is ordering,ask nicely and then match your food choices to some-thing in the same price range as theirs. • Send a handwritten thank-you the next day, evenif the business meal was an attempt by the host toearn your account.

• For all social invitations and any business relation-ships you wish to maintain and grow, make sure toreciprocate the invitation within six months.

Tips for Savvy Dining

• Try a little of all the food offered to you, unlessyou know you’re allergic. • Take small bites so you can join in the conversation

at any moment. • Wait until you’ve swallowed what’s in your mouthbefore taking another bite or a drink. • When drinking, look into, not over, the glass. • Remove bones, seeds, pits, gristle, and other alienobjects with your thumb and rst nger and place themon the side of your dinner plate. If available, it’s nice tohide them under the parsley or other plate garnish. • Always taste your food prior to adding salt andpepper. • Ketchup and steak sauce are used only at yourlocal burger joint. At ne dining restaurants, both areconsidered an insult to the quality and avor of the

food prepared by the chef.• For every meal, thank your host or hostess and

compliment him or her on the food served or therestaurant chosen.

• Keep purses, papers, and all other items that don’tpertain to eating off the table while the meal is inprogress. • If a purse is small you may place it on your lap withyour napkin over it. Larger purses should be set on theoor directly in front of your feet. Never hang a pursefrom the back of a chair.

• Remember your table posture: both feet at on theoor, hands in your lap when not being used for cuttingor eating. Sit up straight with your back against theback of the chair. Push your chair all the way in leavingapproximately the width of your hand between youand the table. (Sitting this close aids in keeping foodthat falls off your fork from falling onto your lap.) • Always bring the food up to your lips rather thenbend down to the food.

Common DiningErrors to Avoid • Don’t talk about diets, restaurants, or any foodother than what’s being served while at the table. • Never take medicine, use a toothpick, applymakeup or lipstick, look into a mirror, or touch yourhead or hair at the table. • Don’t push your plate away to signal you’re nishedeating. Simply lay your knife and fork with the handlesfacing four o’clock in the “nished” position. • Don’t gesture with a utensil in your hand.

• Don’t mix food on your plate together. • Gentlemen do not lift their ties over their shoul-

ders while eating.• Don’t dunk your food into beverages in public oradd more than one bite of crackers to your soup at atime!

• While there might appear to be a lot of dining rulesto remember, they really are straightforward and easyto master. When put into practice, these etiquetteskills become a vehicle to deliver the valuable charactertraits of kindness, deference, patience, and self-controlin our everyday encounters with one another.


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Dinning Skills by Maralee McKee

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