32
ISBN: 978-1-57756-690-8
9 781577 566908
PERSONAL MINISTRIES LEAFLETS• How to Run a Church-
Based Bible School
• The MissionaryProgram for the LocalChurch
• Motivating Membersto Witness
• Giving Personal BibleStudies
• Small Group Ministry
• Personal Witnessing
• Methods of Door-to-Door Visitation
• Gaining Decisions forChrist and His Truth
• The Work of thePersonal MinistriesLeader
• Reaching PeopleWhere They Are
• Health Evangelism
• Reclaiming theMissing
• Sermon Preparation
• Public Evangelism
• Principles of ChurchGrowth
• Adventist CommunityServices
• Prison Ministries
Do you want to reach former and missing members of
your church? This book is your guide to learning why
people leave the church and how to bring them back into
the fold. In these pages, you will find guidelines for visiting
missing members and ideas for reconnecting with them.
You will also learn how to effectively keep those who are
currently attending your church. Discover how your church
can become a safe place for everyone.
For lots more Personal Ministries resources visit
www.sabbathschoolpersonalministries.org. This website
has an extensive library of downloadable articles and
activities to enhance the preparation of Personal Ministries
leaders.
Reclaiming:cover PRESS 4/21/10 3:08 PM Page 1
Reclaiming the Missing is created by the General Conference Sabbath
School & Personal Ministries Department
Editor: May-Ellen Colon
Principal Contributor: Calvin Smith
Design: Linda McDonald
Available from:
AdventSource5040 Prescott Avenue
Lincoln, NE 68506
800.328.0525
www.adventsource.org
Copyright © 2010 by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists
All rights reserved. You may copy these materials for local church use.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval
system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise for sale or distribution
in any way outside of the local church leadership without the prior written
permission of the copyright holder.
Printed in the United States of America
ISBN: 978-1-57756-690-8
TABLE OF CONTENTS“Did You Forget to Wash Your Face this Morning?” . . . . . . . . . . . 5
Christ Loves the Missing Members . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
Why Do People Leave the Church? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
Principles of Working for Missing and Former Members. . . . . . . 12
How to Approach Missing and Former Members . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
Additional Reconnecting Ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24
Prevention . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25
Accepting Erring Former Members . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27
3
4
RECLAIMING THE MISSING“Did You Forget to Wash Your Face thisMorning?”
A young lady wearing jewelry and makeup boarded a bus and
sat by a pastor. When he identified himself as a minister she
asked, “What church?” When he stated, “Seventh-day Adventist,”
she leaned back a bit and defiantly said, “I used to be a Seventh-
day Adventist.” Then turning to him she demanded, “What’s wrong
with wearing jewelry anyway?”
She expected the pastor to prove to her what was wrong with
jewelry, but he responded, “There are many things that are more
important than the question of jewelry.”
Surprised, she asked, “Such as?”
“Well, our relationship with the Lord,” he replied. “Do you think
that if Jesus returned today you would have the assurance of
eternal life?”
She paused for a moment and said, “No, I wouldn’t.”
Within fifteen minutes, there on the bus, the pastor shared with
her the good news of God’s plan of salvation and led this young
girl to a new commitment to Christ. Tears flowed down her cheeks
as she accepted Christ as her personal Savior and made peace
with Him.
Then she told her story. She said she had gone to church one
Sabbath morning wearing makeup. In front of the church an
elderly lady stopped in front of her and said, “Oh, my dear, did you
forget to wash your face this morning?” The girl turned around,
went home and decided never to set foot in an Adventist church
again.
“But I’m going home now,” she told the pastor. “I’m going to
patch things up with my mother and I’m going back to the church.
But oh!” she added, “I wish you could come on Sabbath and tell
our church what you have told me today.”
5
What can we learn from this? Could this happen in your
church? The chances of it happening are less likely if your
Sabbath School members are in small groups, such as Sabbath
School Action Units, where they are not just listening week after
week to an all-knowing lecturer, but where they are interacting and
thus learning to understand, love, and care for one another and
how to reach out to others.
The pastor just mentioned told the writer of this leaflet, “I am
convinced that if we would lead our young people into a true
relationship with Christ instead of always trying to deal only with
the symptoms, then ninety percent of our problems would be
solved.” Is he correct? Rules and standards are important, but if a
tree is bearing bad fruit, can we cause it to bear good fruit by
cutting off its branches? Of course not. Evidently, many of our
“saints” with many years in the church, who are not in the habit of
witnessing and who would say, “Did you forget to wash your face
this morning?” do not have a living connection with the God who
transforms lives from the inside out as they behold Him and
respond to His love.1 Could a first step in reclaiming the missing
be to help them, as well as our young people, to commit their lives
to Jesus and to know Him daily instead of cutting off branches?
But before we deal with solutions we must acknowledge that far
too many are leaving. We must also examine the reasons they
leave and why we should be deeply concerned.
Christ Loves the Missing MembersChrist loves every one of them. He would have died for only
one of them. He spent much time in His ministry trying to reach out
and reclaim the dropouts. In Luke 15 He gave three parables which
He used to teach a lesson to the religious leaders of His day. They
taught that God rejoiced when a sinner or a backslider was
destroyed. Christ showed by these three parables that God is
waiting for the dropout to be found and reclaimed. He said that
there is rejoicing in heaven when one lost sinner is found and
rescued.
6
There are three types of missing members represented in
Luke 15:
1. The lost sheep represents those who know they are lost
but don’t know how to find their way back. Someone must
go and search for them and bring them back.
2. The lost coin represents those who don’t realize they are
lost, so they are unable to do anything about their
condition.
3. The lost son represents those who know they are lost,
know their way back, but are afraid they would not be
forgiven and received back. Most of our missing members
will fit into this category. We need to share with them a
positive, reassuring message that our heavenly Father
loves them dearly and is longing to forgive them and that
He is eagerly waiting for them to return.
Our responsibility and His promise of successBefore Jesus comes, many who are lost will come back to
Him. It is our privilege and responsibility to rescue those who once
believed in Him but who have gone astray. “When the storm of
persecution really breaks upon us, the true sheep will hear the
true Shepherd’s voice. Self-denying efforts will be put forth to save
the lost, and many who have strayed from the fold will come back
to follow the great Shepherd.” 2
Best prospects for soul winning – four reasons whyMissing and former members can be the best prospects for
future leadership in our churches. Here are four reasons why we
should not neglect them:
1. The judgment day: With their knowledge, they will have
the most to give an account of in the judgment day.
2. They believe the message: Most of them know and
believe the message of truth we have to share with the
world.
3. They will not be easily discouraged: In most cases, these
individuals will not be easily discouraged or need the care
7
that a new convert without their background will need.
They have been out in the cold world and they know that it
does not satisfy.
4. They need little instruction: Although to make them strong
in the faith they do need to review our message
thoroughly, nevertheless, with very little instruction they
can accept the whole message of salvation and in a short
time be a powerful help in the cause of God.3
Why Do People Leave the Church?Research indicates that most former Adventists did not leave
the church because of doctrinal reasons. Some do, of course. But
certainly not the majority. Most leave for one of the following four
reasons:
1. A conflict with another church member or pastor.
2. Discouragement over personal problems and guilt
because of an inability to live up to biblical ideals.
3. A growing disinterest in spiritual things because of a
neglected devotional and prayer life.
4. A perception that the church is no longer relevant to life
and does not meet felt needs.4
Now back to number one— Conflict. If a new member,
especially—or any member—has a conflict with another member,
the feeling of being treated unfairly can produce a tension that
increases with time. If no one intervenes to help resolve the
conflict, one may decide to leave the church because no one
seems to care. The feeling becomes prominent in the mind that he
or she doesn’t belong.
Discouragement and guilt. When people don’t live up to
their convictions as to what the Bible says is the right thing to do,
they feel guilty. They may feel that the easiest thing to do is to
avoid the environment that accentuates their guilt. Marital conflict,
working on Sabbath, or a moral lapse all create a sense of guilt,
leading to a feeling of being under the disapproval of the church.
This in turn leads to a desire to stay away from church. These
8
individuals need church friends who love, care, and can give
assurance, not disapproval.
Disinterest in spiritual things. This often comes from a
neglected devotional and prayer life. It is so easy today if one
allows exciting TV, DVDs, Internet programs, etc. to monopolize
the time so there is little or no time for getting to know and connect
with Jesus. A direct connection exists between a meaningful
devotional life and a vibrant spiritual experience with the Lord. If
worldly excitement is predominate, the spiritual aspects of church
will soon seem unattractive. Small Bible study groups in the
homes during the week could be one means to get members
excited about a daily devotional life.
A perception that the church is no longer relevant to lifeand does not meet felt needs. For some, traditional church and
Sabbath School activities may seem boring and out of touch with
modern real life. To these, church attendance may appear to be
little more than a legalistic requirement which takes up valuable
Saturday morning sleep time. They may simply give up the
church. Dynamic interactive Sabbath School Action Units, where
everyone becomes involved in and outside the church, could be a
solution. Another would be seminars and discussion groups during
the week and occasional sermons that deal with specific felt
needs. (The worship service is about worship, so the sermon
usually needs to focus on God.)
Three other major reasons people leave the church are:
divorce, lack of assimilation, and growing up in the church.
1. Divorce is a major reason for leaving the church. Many
of our members are letting the devil trap them into
infidelity or they, because of lack of love, can no longer put
up with the idiosyncrasies of their mates. When a divorce
takes place, in many cases, it makes the person feel
separated from the teachings of the church. Because of
our stand against divorce and remarriage without biblical
grounds, the person who remarries cannot see how he or
she can ever be right with the church. They feel cut off
from God. This is especially true of those who are over 40
years of age. They do not try to come back because they
9
feel they are out of harmony with God and His church.
Even the innocent parties may feel that church members
are uneasy around them.
We must find a way to help divorced people understand that
God is willing to forgive all our mistakes and sins if we accept His
salvation, and through repentance come to Him for forgiveness.
2. There are many members who have not been
assimilated into the church family. They have left loved
ones and friends to join the Adventist family only to
discover that the people in the church don’t seem to care
about them, or are too busy to take time to help them
make the transition into the church. These new members
become discouraged because they have problems in their
homes or jobs and no one is there to show loving concern.
They carry their burdens until they feel that no one in the
church cares or is willing to help. They quit attending and
no one visits them. The devil persuades them that they
are not worth anything anyway, so they turn bitter and
forget the church and begin to doubt the importance of
what they have been taught. Surely, they reason, if it were
important someone would have shown they cared.
It will take a lot of love and Christian kindness to reverse their
view of the church. We need to assist these individuals in finding a
fellowship cluster that will help them get in touch with the Holy
Spirit through study, reading, or listening. The Holy Spirit will
create anew a desire to follow Christ.
3. Many missing and inactive members are those who
grew up in the church. A large number attended our
schools. They learned Adventist doctrines and customs as
taught by their parents, teachers, and others, but they
were never able to make it their own faith. Teens often
rebel in order to establish their own identities. Young
adults must make choices to design their own lifestyle,
occupation, marriage, values, etc. This happens at a time
in life when many leave home, travel, or go away to
school. Many Adventist churches do not have a young
adult ministry, so it is easy for them to drift away. They
10
may feel that the Adventist faith is old-fashioned or
inflexible because of attitudes they have seen in older
church members.
You will need to help them discover a living relationship with
Jesus and how Adventist doctrine is relevant to their generation
and how to find up-to-date ways to live out their faith.
Excuses for leaving—the rest of the storyTo figure into the equation of why people leave, here are
concepts from the observations of one pastor who worked to
reclaim the missing over a 25-year period. Most members have
not left because the church is “cold and uncaring,” but because
they do not want to make the self-disciplined commitment to Christ
that active membership demands. Even though they state the
church was critical, ignored them, etc., when you learn the “rest of
the story”— when you investigate carefully—you find these things
to be excuses for self-justification. Most fit into these three
categories, described briefly here:
1. Some people say, “The same old people always run the
church. I wanted to be a deacon, but they wouldn’t let
anyone new into their little clique.” However, when one
gets to know such people you find they had and still have
problems with tobacco, alcohol, Sabbath work, or other
side issues.
2. Some people say, “When you are down and out, the
church won’t help you; they just kick you out.” However,
with investigation you discover chronic financial,
emotional, or other problems, and that the church helped
them several times. But when they refused to help
themselves, the church stopped carrying them.
3. Some people say, “I never felt welcome; no one paid any
attention to me.” However, when listening to them, you
may discover that their attendance was sporadic and that
they made no effort to be part of the group, usually
showing up five minutes before the sermon and leaving
during the closing song. 5
11
Not everyone fits into these categories, but when endeavoring
to reclaim such, one should be aware of similar excuses. Still one
must not condemn them but work patiently under the direction of
Holy Spirit to do all that is possible to reclaim them. We’ll discuss
methodology later, but first let’s look at four signs of waning
interest that will help you detect backsliding tendencies:
1. Irregular church attendance. If a member’s pattern of
attendance changes radically with no apparent reason,
something serious is occurring in the life.
2. A critical or ambivalent attitude toward the church and its
leadership. Comments such as, “This church is so
unfriendly,” or “No one around here seems to care,” or
“The leaders are hypocrites,” show a verbal distancing
from the church.
3. A change in habit patterns or a return to old ones.
Watching TV on Friday nights, withholding tithe,
experimenting with tobacco or alcohol are all signs that
things are not as they should be. One compromise leads
to another, until faith is abandoned.
4. Increasing withdrawal from the fellowship of the church.
A declining association with other church members is
an indication of shifting interest. A member who skips
Sabbath school, comes to church late, and leaves
immediately after the sermon is a likely candidate
to drop out. 6
Principles of Working for Missing and FormerMembers
In working for those who have wandered away from the
church, there are certain fundamental facts we should understand:
Most still believe biblical truth. Most still believe the Seventh-
day Adventist Church teaches the truth for this time. Even if they
are not living in accordance with God’s standard they have deep
convictions concerning the correctness of our major teachings.
Most dropouts do not want, nor do they need, lectures
concerning the standards of the church. To tell them they will die of
12
lung cancer if they continue to smoke will only make them
defensive and rebellious. By pointing out their sins you focus their
attention on their problem instead of pointing them to Christ who is
the solution to every one of their shortcomings. As people dwell
upon their sins and difficulties, they are magnified and seem
insurmountable to them. As they look to Christ they gain courage
and hope for victory.
The dropouts possibly have been hurt by their church or fellow
members. In order to justify themselves they often will find fault
with their parents, church, or fellow members. God has not
appointed us to be defense attorneys for the church or anyone
else. When we attempt to correct the missing members we are
aligning ourselves with an institution or individual that they feel
has offended them. We, in effect say, “We believe in these
enemies of yours and not in you.” Our job in working with the
missing or former members is to win their friendship and
confidence, not to argue with them or correct them.
Many dropouts have something they feel is too great for God
to forgive. Many feel they have gone too far, that God is not willing
to forgive and save them. This is not true and we must be positive
in our presentation of God’s willingness to forgive and His desire
to save. Make certain that your heart is filled with God’s love so
you will have an abundant supply to share with the missing or
former member who needs to find his or her way back to the
Father’s house. Claim this promise: “Christ will impart to His
messengers the same yearning love that He Himself has in
seeking for the lost.” 7
The dropouts will not share their real feelings with you until
they know for certain they can trust you. They may say and do
things that are completely contrary to what they know to be right. If
you show your disapproval or appear to be shocked they will take
this reaction as a sign of your disapproval of them as individuals.
This will destroy your ability to help them in the future. When they
tell you how bad they are or how they feel, tell them that in spite of
their past God loves them and longs to prepare them a place in
His eternal kingdom. If you are a parent you can compare your
love and patience with your children to God’s love and patience
13
with His wayward children here on earth. And yet, God’s patience
and love is far greater than that of human parents.
How to Approach Missing and FormerMembers
Gain their confidence. Let them know you would like to
become their friend before you begin talking about their
relationship to the Lord or the Adventist church.
Many people are suspicious of strangers. When you arrive at
the door of a missing or former member, they are going to be
apprehensive about you and the reason you are there. If you
announce at the very outset the purpose of your mission in so
many words, they may reject it without ever understanding the
great blessings you have to share with them. In order to get a fair
hearing (so the fears they have about us and our mission may be
disarmed) we need to be very wise in our approach.
Christ moved in a judicious way to win people’s friendship.
They were willing to listen to Him because they knew He was
interested in them and desired to help them. “Christ’s method
alone will give true success in reaching the people. The Savior
mingled with men as one who desired their good. He showed His
sympathy for them, ministered to their needs, and won their
confidence. Then He bade them, ‘Follow Me.’ ” 8
Notice the steps Jesus took:
1. “He mingled.” He moved around, mixing with them, with
one purpose. He wanted to do good to them, and wanted
the best for them.
2. “He showed His sympathy for them.”
3. “He ministered to their needs.”
4. He “won their confidence.” When their friendship and
confidence were won, then
5. He gave them the invitation to follow Him.
We must use Christ’s example in coming close to those we
seek to help. If you don’t want to get involved in caring for others,
14
then you cannot reach out to missing members as a worker with
Christ because to reach people you will have to come close to
them.9 “Your success will not depend so much upon your
knowledge and accomplishments, as upon your ability to find your
way to the heart. By being social and coming close to the people,
you may turn the current of their thoughts more readily than by the
most able discourse.” 10
Proper visitation is a major key in reaching missing members.
Many former members cite the lack of a visitation program by the
church as one of the reasons they left. “By visiting the people,
talking, praying, sympathizing with them, you will win hearts. This
is the highest missionary work that you can do. To do it, you will
need resolute, persevering faith, unwearying patience, and a deep
love for souls.”11 Your congregation needs a strong visitation
program.
Here are guidelines for visiting missing and former members,
in brief: (This will be followed by an in-depth discussion.)
1. Go two by two.
2. Pray.
3. Utilize any information you have about them.
4. Remember the things you are not to do, such as argue,
defend yourself or the church, or preach at them.
5. The first visit should be short. Use warmth, tact,
gentleness, and no pressure.
6. Based on what they have said and the leading of the
Spirit, decide if it is the right time to invite them back to
church.
7. If they express interest in returning, do everything you can
do to help them.
8. If you sense they are not ready to be invited to return, try
to arrange more visits.
15
Guidelines for visiting missing and former members, in
detail with variables
1. Go two by two if possible. Use the trainer-trainee approach. If your trainee has no or little
experience, it is usually wise to encourage him or her to let you do
all the talking so you can effectively proceed step by step without
extraneous input that is not appropriate and would distract from
your chain of thought.
2. Pray: Spend much time in prayer and have the church prayer
ministries groups pray for you and the people you plan to visit.
• Claim the infilling of the Holy Spirit, His wisdom, and
guidance.
• Claim Christ’s love for the former members. “House-to-
house work will be done by men and women who will
realize that they can labor for the Lord because He has
put His Spirit upon them. As they go forth in humble faith,
Christ will impart to them grace that they will impart to
others. The Lord will give them the same love for perishing
souls that He gave to the disciples of old.”12
• Pray before the visit and keep your heart lifted to God
during the visit.
3. Study any information you have about the people: Their age, when they joined, why they dropped from
membership, present interests, etc. Memorize their names.
4. Remember the things NOT to do when visiting:• Do not argue. You are a witness.
• Do not defend yourselves, the church, or anyone else. You
are not the defense attorney. Defending will only ally
yourselves with the hurt they have experienced.
• Do not preach by telling them they should look to Jesus
and not to other people.
16
5. The first visit:• It should usually be short. Don’t wear out your welcome.
• Memorize the names and use them during the visit.
• At the door, approach them with warmth, tact, and
gentleness. Don’t use pressure. Be relaxed.
• Identify yourselves as members of your specific Adventist
church.
• You might say, “Good afternoon! Is this where John Smith
lives? Are you John Smith? (Don’t explain to another
person). Good to find you home today. We are from the
____Adventist church. We don’t plan to stay long, but we
would like to visit with you briefly. May we step in for a few
minutes? Thank you very much.”
(At the door there is a possibility you will be met with
resistance. If this happens, you may say something like this, “I’m
really sorry for whatever anyone may have done or said to hurt
you or let you down. We just wanted you to know that we still care.
Would you be willing to briefly share your experience with us?” In
this way you are not excusing nor defending what anyone may
have done or not done. You are just expressing your sorrow over
the hurt they feel and offering to listen.)
• Once they invite you inside, demonstrate love,
acceptance, and genuine concern.
• Begin your conversation with topics of general interest. If
you are not acquainted you may wish to use the “Family,
Occupation, Religion, and Testimony” step-by-step
approach. (FORT in English). Many people have found
this simple outline to be a help in breaking the ice, getting
acquainted, and winning friendships.
Family. The first thing you can easily talk to people about is
themselves and their families. When you do this they will
know you are interested in them and their interests. If you
listen carefully you will learn about the various influences
that have worked to mold them. Ask them where they
were born, where they have lived, how many children they
have, and what they are doing. This will relax them and
17
divert the mind from the fear of you and your mission. You
will better understand each person as you hear about their
lives. If you show you are listening, they will begin to feel
you are really interested in them. In doing this you may
ask about various pictures or art work displayed on the
walls or elsewhere and express appreciation for these and
their comments.
Occupation. Ask, “Do you work close to home? What is your
occupation?” Getting them to talk about their occupations
and what they do for recreation will help them to warm up
and open up to you. As they share with you their interests
you will become their friends. You will discover now that
they will share other things with you that they would not
have thought of telling you a few minutes before. You will
learn a great deal by just listening to what they tell you
and what they do not say.
Religion. We need to know their religious background to help
them in their spiritual growth. You may start by saying,
“Tell us something about your religious background.” This
approach lets them start wherever they are most comfort-
able and it will give you the opportunity to ask other short
questions that will give you a religious profile of the indi-
viduals. This is very valuable information as you will find
out about their church membership, church attendance,
whether they study the Bible, etc. This will help you adapt
your approach to fit their spiritual needs.
If the following information was not volunteered under “family”
or “religion” you may ask some of these questions, as appropriate:
(Don’t ask too many.) “I understand you used to attend the
Seventh-day Adventist Church regularly. Is that correct? How long
ago was that? How did you happen to join the church? Were you
raised in the church? Were both of your parents members? Did
you attend church school?” If appropriate, “Did you marry a
classmate?”
To help them remember with fondness the past, ask casually,
as appropriate, “Who baptized you? Were you happy? Did you
18
hold any church office? What did you enjoy the most? How long
has it been since you’ve attended church?”
By this time, listening carefully, you will probably have
discovered what has happened and why they are out of the
church at the present time. If you haven’t discovered that, here are
two options:
First, you may ask a question that will allow them to begin to
share whatever they feel without giving them any suggestions as
to what they should say. This would usually be the best. The
question could be: “Would you mind sharing what caused you to
become inactive?”
The other option may be used with a more hesitant person. It
may not reveal their true feelings, as they may latch onto what you
suggest. You may say, “I guess there are many different reasons
people leave. Some may experience disappointment in their own
lives, others are hurt by church members or a pastor, and still
others feel the church doesn’t meet their needs. What would you
say weighed most heavily in your own decision? I am really
interested in knowing.”
Listen carefully. Ask questions. Don’t act shocked at anything
they say. Express appreciation for their honesty. Do not pass
judgment on either the individuals or the church. Instead of
condemning or agreeing with the charges or excuses offered,
listen to what they are saying and be sympathetic. You must be
neutral because you do not know if what is said is fact or fantasy.
You may wish to use two phrases that many have found helpful in
response to criticism or bitterness. Say, “I’m sorry to hear that,” or
“That’s too bad.” This way you are not judging or defending the
people they are criticizing. This will help to give you a friendly
relationship with the offended without them being able to say you
believe the same thing they do.
In most cases, those out of the church and still believing the
Adventist message will find excuses for their actions. They may
not tell you on the first visit what the real reason is for leaving the
church. If they are bitter or feel that the church or someone in the
church has offended them, it will usually help if you apologize in
behalf of the church or its members.
19
After they have thoroughly unburdened their hearts you might
say, “Brother (Sister), I’m so sorry to hear what has happened to
you. If I had been treated like you have told us you were, I would
probably feel as badly as you do. As a member of the Seventh-
day Adventist Church, I want to apologize to you for anything that I
or any other member has done that has discouraged you or
caused you to feel as you do. Please forgive us. From the bottom
of my heart I ask you to forgive us. Will you do that? One thing we
are certain about is that God loves you.”
Listening and not making defensive statements will lance the
boil and remove much of the bitterness.
Testimony. You have the opportunity to build a bridge by which
you can now share with them a message of good news—
love, acceptance, and forgiveness. You will not want to
preach or exhort, but you can witness to your own
relationship with Jesus and what He means to you. You
may want to use texts such as Micah 7:18, 19; Hebrews
8:12; and I John 1:9 to describe the incredible mercy,
marvelous forgiveness, and the power of Jesus to change
your life. Try to fit your testimony to some felt need they
have expressed. Show them by sharing your own
experience in Christ how He has been the answer to a
similar problem that you had in your life. Tell, in humility
and not boastfully, how God helped you to solve it. This
will encourage them to come close to the same Savior that
has assisted you and it will help them feel a kinship to you
as they identify with your problem and the solution you
found in Jesus.
6. Now we have two options. Usually it takes three or four visits before you go farther in
pursuing a decision. Your first visit is just to form a friendship.
However, sometimes at this point you may have friends who trust
you and are anxious to forget the past and move forward. A few do
return to church after only one friendly visit. You must decide.
Don’t be fearful; but remember that each time someone says, “No”
it is easier to say it the second time.
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If you sense during the visit, through communication with
heaven, that they are responding very positively (if they haven’t
already clarified this) you can say, “May I ask you a personal
question? Do you still believe the message the church teaches is
the message God has for the world?” or “Do you still believe the
Adventist message?” If the answer is “Yes” don’t pressure, but
continue: “Have you thought recently of coming back to the
church?”
7. If they say “Yes,” rejoice with them! Have a prayer of gratitude. Welcome them. Do everything
possible to help them become strong members again. Offer to pick
them up that Sabbath and invite them to your home for lunch and
Sabbath fellowship. You must involve them and get them to read,
study, pray, and share (more on follow-up later).
8. If at the end of the first visit you find they are not
ready to return to church, what should you do? If they are amenable, offer a closing prayer and try to arrange
another visit.
In order for people to make major changes they must have a
deep conviction about Bible truth and God’s will for them. They
must have a desire to make the changes necessary to be in
harmony with the will of God. This desire only comes as the Holy
Spirit brings conviction and conversion. We need to help former
member(s) listen to what the Holy Spirit says. The Holy Spirit
works through the Word, whether in print or by media
presentations.
Therefore, at the end of the first visit leave a booklet, video, or
DVD that will speak to their hearts from the Word with urgency.
Say, “We enjoyed this visit so much that we want to see you
again. Here is a ____that has really been a blessing to us. We
would like to loan it to you this week and get your opinion on it. We
also have another we liked that I think you would thoroughly enjoy
that we could drop by next week. Are you usually at home about
this time? Great! We will look forward to seeing you next week at
this time. God bless you and have a wonderful week.” Pray all
week for them and be sure to return as promised.
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On the second visit continue to listen. Return with the
promised material and ask how they enjoyed what you left before.
Ask their opinion of it in general and ask specific key questions
that do not offend but help to lead them closer to the Lord. If they
finished reading/watching it you might like to pick it up.
You may share hopeful Bible promises such as Psalms 32:1, 8
and 40:1, 2. No doubt questions will arise during the visit. Tell
them you have something that has helped you find answers and
that you will be happy to bring it by next week. Loan them the
material you promised the week before and arrange to see them
the following week at a specific time. Have a prayer that includes
God’s blessings on the home and gratitude for His Word and the
comfort and guidance it gives.
On the third visit deliver the material you promised, ask their
opinion on the material you left, discuss it in more depth, and ask
more penetrating questions. By this time you probably have
formed such a friendship that you would be able to invite them
over for dinner. And by this time also it would be wonderful to think
about getting them involved in a regular weekly Bible study that
covers the Adventist message. This will be a review of what they
may have studied years before. What once made these people
Seventh-day Adventists will help revive their desire to see the Lord
and be prepared for His soon return. You may say that you have
thoroughly enjoyed a new series of study guides and ask if you
could bring a sample next week.
Now that the friendship has developed and it is evident they
are moving forward, perhaps this would be a good time to return
the material you loaned them the first week. If they enjoyed it, tell
them you will be happy to make it a gift they can loan to a friend,
family member, work associate, or neighbor. (Loaning helps
assure use.) Getting them involved in sharing is vital and it may
increase your Bible study group the next week.
If you can start a weekly personal Bible study series on the
fourth visit, that is excellent. Depending on their attitude, you may
now want to invite them to a church social or other church event.
You may offer to come to begin the Sabbath with them in their
home and if you see that the conviction to return to church is
22
there, offer to pick them up on Sabbath morning and invite them to
the church service and Sabbath lunch at your home. But don’t
push too hard and too fast. Continue to ask the Holy Spirit for
wisdom and for the right timing.
Even though most former members say they believe Bible
truth, they need a fresh review, especially if they have been away
for a long time. The potential of the weekly Bible study time with
them is tremendous. Here you will be able to refresh their minds of
their great need of Jesus, and during the course of the series you
will have the joy of uniting with them in a prayer of total surrender
to Jesus as Savior and Lord. As they love Him anew and make
Him the priority of their lives, you will be able to help them to
establish a daily devotional life, which is vital for the stability of
every member. You will also be able to assist them in sharing the
joy of their relationship with Jesus with others.
You will then lead them step by step systematically through a
clear and thorough understanding of the Adventist message,
uniting with them in a decision at every study. Later when you
invite them to a harvesting evangelistic series in the church where
the message you have studied together will be reviewed again
and they see the whole broad picture of God’s wonderful truth, the
Holy Spirit will draw them to an even firmer decision. God can
then impress them of their need for rebaptism and reuniting with
His remnant people.
You will want to invite them to join your Sabbath school class
as soon as they are ready, even before baptism. If your class is an
active Sabbath School Action Unit, of six to eight members, that is
even better. These units are accustomed to providing a warm and
caring atmosphere for the missing. One of the reasons for their
existence is reaching out to missing members. In their outreach
planning sessions, most Sabbath School Action Units make it their
first priority to reach out to missing Sabbath school members and
then missing church members. As they already work to reach the
missing and former members they can provide the safest place of
fellowship for the returning members. We will discuss the units in
relation to prevention later.
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If these former members are confronted with a Sabbath work
or other problem, introduce them to someone in the church who
had the same challenge and who with God’s grace overcame it.
Help them to form other friendships in the church as well. Six or
seven good friends in the church who will treat them with kindness
and gently lead them back will be a tremendous asset.
When they do attend church, reinforce their decision to attend
by letting them know that others are really happy they are coming
back. Personally encourage people who know them to call them
and express their joy at seeing them again.
Persevere prayerfully and you will succeed. One day in
heaven a former member will meet you on streets of gold and with
tears will joyfully exclaim, “Thank you for your visit. Thank you for
your care. Thank you for your extra effort. It is because of you that
I am here.” That will be all the reward you need.
Additional Reconnecting Ideas • Send a warm caring letter.
• Make phone calls.
• Mail church bulletins and Sabbath school quarterlies.
• Send subscriptions to church papers and outreach
magazines.
• Share updates and invitations by letter or telephone of
church events.
• Provide attractive social events and programs such as:
• A special Christmas musical
• A visiting musical artist
• A home-coming Sabbath
For home-coming Sabbath make sure the greeters are
well trained. Put on a very special program including a
fellowship dinner. Social fellowship is often the focal point
for inviting former Adventists back to church. Many who
feel uncomfortable about returning to a formal church
service will attend social events.
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• Conduct health or family related seminars.
• Have small groups that meet during the week. A
congregation that has an on-going cycle of small group
ministries provides many opportunities for former members
to return. These small, caring cells provide a network of
friendships, a web of relationships, where people openly
share their prayer requests, their heart needs, and their
spiritual longings. As such, these small groups enable
each person attending to develop a sense of belonging
and they can be encouraged to return to church.
PreventionIf you have a bucket and it is leaking, what do you do? Should
you just keep pouring more water into it or do you plug the holes
first? Many times we keep pouring more into the church with
evangelism but neglect plugging the holes first. Here are eight
ways to plug holes:
1. One basic reason Sabbath School Action Units were
established around the world was to first care for missing
members. The leader of the units of six to eight takes the
first five minutes of the one hour class time to welcome
everyone and to care for the missing. In large classes the
teacher rarely notices who is missing. They may be
missing for a year before anyone notices. But when there
are only six to eight in the class it is very easy to notice
who is missing. In fact in such a small group someone who
is missing is really missed. His or her contribution to the
interactive discussion of outreach and the lesson is greatly
missed—immediately. And there is immediate action to
change that regrettable situation. An immediate visit is
arranged—not six months later when the member’s fervor
for Sabbath school has evaporated—but immediately.
The secretary of the class usually passes a card around
and each member writes a little encouraging note
expressing how the person was missed. The discussion
group leader asks who would like to take the card and call
or visit the one missing that afternoon or during the week.
This really works. And it is much easier than chasing after
25
people who have lost interest. Certainly God’s first choice
is for us to work together to retain so we don’t have to
reclaim.
2. All new members should be more thoroughly grounded in
the message through Bible study and through the benefits
that naturally come when they share Jesus with others.
They should be assisted to establish a personal
relationship with Christ and trained to share Christ so that
nothing can shake them from His family.
3. Provide other services that meet the felt needs of the
members. Missing members often refer to the church as
being irrelevant to their needs. You might take a survey to
help identify the needs. Arrange seminars by specialists
on those topics. Hold the meetings at times when the
members needing them can attend. You might extend the
benefits of the seminars by organizing small groups that
will deal with those relevant topics on a continuing basis.
4. Make the church into a loving fellowship. The principles of
building a church family are the same as those holding a
marriage or family together—speaking kindly, learning to
say “I’m sorry.” Everyone should watch for those who are
hurting and encourage them.
5. Greeters at the door should make everyone feel
welcomed and appreciated. Make it a golden rule of your
church that everyone who attends will be greeted by a
smiling host or hostess. The pastor and other leaders
should be part of this welcoming endeavor as often as
possible. Ask how the week went and inquire about family
members. Make everyone feel they are family.
6. Know who is in attendance and quickly visit those who are
not. Here again, the Sabbath School Action Units are
excellent for this purpose. There are, however, some who
work in other divisions of the Sabbath School, and some
who for health, or other reasons, may not be attending
Sabbath school. Keep a record of attendance. When
someone misses one Sabbath mail a note that evening. If
26
they miss two Sabbaths go visit them. Plug the holes
immediately.
7. Organize and train a visitation team. Most of this leaflet
has emphasized visitation because it is the key. The cry of
many former members is, “How can the church say it
cares about me if no one has visited me for 10 years? You
can’t love me if you don’t know me.” Sometimes visitation
teams meet former members who have not been visited in
20 years since they left the church. Sermons, seminars,
articles, and books on caring will not take the place of
simply noticing who is in church and visiting them when
they are not.
8. At minimum, review the entire church membership list
every six months and find out who is missing. Each church
board should discover which members are not attending
and see that they are visited by those who are most likely
to encourage them.
Accepting Erring Former MembersSometimes the church has difficulty in forgiving and accepting
former members who have made mistakes. Nothing can bring
greater joy to the congregation than doing as Jesus would do:
forgiving, forgetting, and accepting former members back into
loving fellowship regardless of what they have done. In
conclusion, here is a helpful story shared by world evangelist and
church leader Mark Finley:
“Forgive as you are forgiven.”
“Tension filled the room! Our elders had strong feelings about
the point under discussion. Jacquie grew up as a member of the
church. Twenty years earlier, while a member of this particular
church, she had committed adultery, left her husband and married
another man. Now she desired to be re-baptized. Appearing
before the church board she sobbed out her repentance and
asked for forgiveness.
“An icy silence ensued. No one said anything. They knew too
much about her. They understood too well the hurt she had
brought to the congregation. She had inflicted pain on so many.
27
She sat on one side of the room, with the board on the other. The
chasm between them seemed almost impossible to span.
“I knew I had to speak. My words were calm but direct. ‘She
has suffered enough. Let’s not give her any more pain. Paul’s
counsel is for us: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving
one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you”
(Ephesians 4:32). If God in all His perfection accepts and forgives
us, we can forgive Jacquie.’
“With quivering lips, her voice cracking, she replied, ‘I know I
have done wrong. For years I have felt guilty. At times the guilt has
almost driven me crazy. Please accept me.’
“I noted a tear in the first elder’s eye. Then I realized that most
of the church board was crying. Soon a chorus of voices
responded in unison, ‘Of course, of course, we will accept you.’
Warmth, love, and joy filled the room. Board members reassured
Jacquie of their love. Some hugged her. Others squeezed her
hand in the warmth of Christian fellowship.
“I stood back, quietly recognizing again that our church was never
more the church than at that moment. Here was the love of God in
action. Here was Calvary demonstrated in the family of God.”13
28
Endnotes1 Calvin Smith, Action Magazine, General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists,
April, 1994, p. 3. 2 Evangelism, p. 693.3 Don Gray, Reaching and Reclaiming Missing Members, December 4, 2002, pp. 6, 7.4 Mark Finley, Action Magazine, General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists,
March, 1993, p. 14.5 John Martin, Adventist Review, “The Real Reason People Quit the Church,”
September 14, 1998. 6 Mark Finley, They’re Coming Home. Hart Research Center, 1993, pp. 8, 9.7 Christ’s Object Lessons, p. 235.8 The Ministry of Healing, p. 143.9 Gray, pp. 7-9.10 Gospel Workers, p. 193. 11 Testimonies, vol. 9, p. 41.12 This Day With God, p. 115.13 Mark Finley, They’re Coming Home. pp. 18, 19.
29
30
ISBN: 978-1-57756-690-8
9 781577 566908
PERSONAL MINISTRIES LEAFLETS• How to Run a Church-
Based Bible School
• The MissionaryProgram for the LocalChurch
• Motivating Membersto Witness
• Giving Personal BibleStudies
• Small Group Ministry
• Personal Witnessing
• Methods of Door-to-Door Visitation
• Gaining Decisions forChrist and His Truth
• The Work of thePersonal MinistriesLeader
• Reaching PeopleWhere They Are
• Health Evangelism
• Reclaiming theMissing
• Sermon Preparation
• Public Evangelism
• Principles of ChurchGrowth
• Adventist CommunityServices
• Prison Ministries
Do you want to reach former and missing members of
your church? This book is your guide to learning why
people leave the church and how to bring them back into
the fold. In these pages, you will find guidelines for visiting
missing members and ideas for reconnecting with them.
You will also learn how to effectively keep those who are
currently attending your church. Discover how your church
can become a safe place for everyone.
For lots more Personal Ministries resources visit
www.sabbathschoolpersonalministries.org. This website
has an extensive library of downloadable articles and
activities to enhance the preparation of Personal Ministries
leaders.
Reclaiming:cover PRESS 4/21/10 3:08 PM Page 1
