APRIL 1945. BERLIN. ings aren’t going well for the ird Reich. Mistakes have been made. Plans have mis- carried. e Russians are close, very close, and they seem uncharitable in their intentions. Luckily, Nazi scientists have been working on important developments. Not practical new weapons; or even zombies, werewolves or war-robots. No, they’ve got the time machine set up. In the bunker, next to the ersatz-coffee machine. It’s a brilliant scheme. Knowing what he knows now, Adolph Hitler will travel back to 1933 and Get Everything Right is Time. He’ll take Bormann, and Eva Braun and Blondi the dog. ere’s no room for Himmler, no mat- ter how much he whines. It’s not a very big machine. ey get in and make ready for the big moment. But, as Herr Professor Projekt Direktor reaches for the operating lever, adjusting the date dial twelve years backwards, a shell blast rocks the bunker. e director is thrown forward. Lights go out. ere’s a strange whir- ring noise, like something the Dr Who sound engineer might have come up with in 1963. And then, suddenly, it’s light again. Everyone looks out of the windows, “Ach! Dummköpfe!” screams the Fuhrer. “Dies ist nicht Berlin in 1933! Das ist kein Brandenburger Tor!” (“is is not Berlin in 1933. at is not the Brandenburger Gate!”) Eva Braun knew that her sweetie was right about this, although she could not have told you that the big thing in front of her was known as a brachiosaurus --- Eat Hitler – The Nazi Taste Treat! A game of time travel and well-deserved comeuppance By Howard Whitehouse, from an idea by Bruce Pettipas, influenced by Nic Robson, with additional material by Patrick Wilson, and others I don’t remember owing to being a bit drunk at the time. Historical authentication and German translations by Dr Sam Mustafa, actual academic historian. Photos by Dave Taylor, courtesy of Wargames Illustrated. Sample file
Transcript
APRIL 1945. BERLIN. Things aren’t going well for the Third Reich. Mistakes have been made. Plans have mis-carried. The Russians are close, very close, and they seem uncharitable in their intentions. Luckily, Nazi scientists have been working on important developments. Not practical new weapons; or even zombies, werewolves or war-robots. No, they’ve got the time machine set up. In the bunker, next to the ersatz-coffee machine.
It’s a brilliant scheme. Knowing what he knows now, Adolph Hitler will travel back to 1933 and Get Everything Right This Time. He’ll take Bormann, and Eva Braun and Blondi the dog. There’s no room for Himmler, no mat-ter how much he whines. It’s not a very big machine. They get in and make ready for the big moment.
But, as Herr Professor Projekt Direktor reaches for the operating lever, adjusting the date dial twelve years backwards, a shell blast rocks the bunker. The director is thrown forward. Lights go out. There’s a strange whir-ring noise, like something the Dr Who sound engineer might have come up with in 1963. And then, suddenly, it’s light again. Everyone looks out of the windows,
“Ach! Dummköpfe!” screams the Fuhrer. “Dies ist nicht Berlin in 1933! Das ist kein Brandenburger Tor!”
(“This is not Berlin in 1933. That is not the Brandenburger Gate!”)
Eva Braun knew that her sweetie was right about this, although she could not have told you that the big thing in front of her was known as a brachiosaurus ---
Eat Hitler – The Nazi Taste Treat!A game of time travel and well-deserved comeuppance
By Howard Whitehouse, from an idea by Bruce Pettipas, influenced by Nic Robson, with additional material by Patrick Wilson, and others I don’t remember owing to being a bit drunk at the time. Historical authentication and German translations by Dr Sam Mustafa, actual academic historian.
Photos by Dave Taylor, courtesy of Wargames Illustrated.
Sam
ple
file
Eat Hitler
3
The Objective of the Game
The players are meat-eating dinosaurs. Their objective is to Eat Hitler and – to a lesser degree – his companions. The Nazis and herbivores are moved by players with the inten-tion of preventing their fellows from eating Hitler before they get their own chance to do so.
The Set-up
Lay out a table at least 4 feet square. You can make it larger if you like; it’s not like this is a historical simulation or any-thing. Place pieces of terrain in patches around the table – jungle, rocks, cave formations, swamp, long grass etc – with clear spaces in between. Be as prehistoric as you like – get into a Mesozoic frame of mind. The terrain can be as elaborate as you like. We’ll assume that dinosaurs can move through what is, after all, their own habitat without much difficulty, but that Nazis have problems moving through rough terrain, what with their shiny boots and spiffy Hugo Boss-designed uniforms.
Place the time machine in the middle of the table.
Place the Nazis in groups within 12” of the time machine. Make sure each group has at least one SS guard. Place any other SS guards out in a scouting formation, as if it’s going to do them any good.
The Cast
On the Nazi side we have Hitler, Eva Braun and Blondi the dog, plus a selection of Nazi ‘personalities’. Add a time machine driver/operator if you like. Add a few SS men if you want; they can even have machine-pistols, be-cause it doesn’t really make any difference. Goering, Bormann, Himmler; bring ‘em on! I tend to have one Nazi ‘personality’ and one nameless soldier per player, so that everyone has a chance to eat. I don’t worry if that’s a lot of people in a small vehicle. Realism is the least of our concerns.
Opposing them are carnivorous dinosaurs. They can be any type you like – small packs of velociraptors, huge T. Rexs, or anything in between. Each player gets one big dino or three medium carnosaurs, or a pack of six Velo-ciraptors. It’s not as if we are inviting any actual paleontologists to the game (and if you are a paleontologist, we expect you to behave like a gentleman and keep your opinions to yourself!).
Cluttering up the table are various herbivores, who serve to get in the way and step on things they aren’t sup-posed to. The larger ones are like moving terrain obstacles, while the smaller ones just run about. Don’t overdo this – that would be unrealistic.
Picking your Carnosaur
Each player selects his weapon of choice from the charts at the end of the book. Each player gets one T. Rex or Allosaur, three medium-sized carnosaurs or pterodactyuls, or a pack of six velociraptors.
The Rules
Place each carnivore anywhere on the edge of the table, equidistant from the time machine. Give each player a playing card as their own ‘your turn’ card, and deal them into a deck with a joker. Decide who moves by drawing the top card. When the joker comes up the turn is over. Shuffle the deck, even if some players haven’t had their turn yet. This is meant to be unfair.
The Time Machine: Suggestions made to rep-resent this item include various German WWII vehicles: a black Mercedes, an Opel truck, a Kubelwagen, a basic VW bug. A tank, even a little Panzer-II, seems like overkill. A phone box has already been done. I’m using a diecast Schwimmwagen myself. More ambitiously, Ed and Brendan Watts use a truck lashed between two Schwimmwagens, with a model Flux-ca-pacitor attached!
