Ecology of Consciousness

7/27/2019 Ecology of Consciousness

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TheEcologyofConsciousness


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When our limited truth is expressed and heard in the space ofcomplete listening, it loses its power to control us. Thats howtransformation happens.

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EnteringtheStreamIwanttowelcomeyou.

Wecome

into

this

life

as

babies,

helpless,

needing

food,

protection

and

love.

And

for

manypeoplethatsmostoftheirlife.Buteventuallythereisadoorwaywemaycome

to,onewayoranother,andatthatpointwerealizethatsurvivalisnotallthatlifeis

about.

Forouranimalnatureitis;wecantreallydenythataspectofourselves.Itdoesnt

work,todenyourhumanityourphysicalbody,ouremotionalheart,ourmindeven

thoughtheymaygiveustrouble,orbedifficulttomanage.Trulyourbodyisour

vehicle.Ourbody,mindandheartarevehiclesforouraliveness,ourspirit,our

presence;ourtrueSelf.

Sowegettothatdoorway,andmaybewegothroughthedoorwayandrealizevastness,

ortheinfinite,theunknown;themystery.Therearemanynamestodescribethat

realization,thatdiscovery,thatopening;thatbeginningonthepath.

Ofcoursenoteveryonewhodiscoversthatopeninggoesthroughthedoorway,or

continuesonthatjourney.AsIwassayingrecently,itslikeFrodogoingtoMordor

itsaroughtrip!Butoncewevebeencalled,theresnochoicebuttoclimbthe

mountainnottoisnolongeranoption.Yourefortunate,actually,tofindyourselfat

thatpoint.

And

the

question

then

becomes,

how

do

you

find

the

support

to

finish

the

journey?

Fortunately,supportisavailable.Thatsthegoodnews.Andwealsolearnhowtotake

careofourselvesalongtheway.Thatsreallyabigpartofitlearningtotakecareof

ourselves.Andbecauseourmindwantstounderstandwhatshappeningtheminds

natureistowanttounderstand,tomakemeaning,toorganizeweoftendraw

conclusionsanddevelopbeliefsaboutwhatishappening,andthesebeliefsfrequently

becomeobstaclestothejourney.

Sowelearnhowtoreturntothemysteryofnotknowing.Thisisnotthesameas

ignorance;rather,itiswisdom,tosurrendertonotknowing.Andwhenyoufindthe

truththatyouare,whenyouactuallyknowitasbeingknowing,orknowingthroughbeing,thatsthesurrendering,theguide,theteacher,theteachingandthepath,allinone.

Andbylearningtotrust,youbegintofindthattrustthroughtheheart.Notthe

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emotionalheart,butthebigheart,theheartofvastness.Nottheheartofclingingorof

need,fromwhichwe,asbabiesoranimals,normallyfunction;butratherthroughthat

doorway,thebigheart,theheartoffulfillment,theheartthatisfulfilled.Andwetrust,

becausethenatureofthatheartistrust,isacceptance.Thisisnotapractice,not

somethingyouhavetolearn.Itsalreadyit.

Sowebegintotrustthat,andittakesus,itnurturesusalongtheway.Butthenwego

backthroughthedoorway,wegobackintostruggle,intoidentification,intoprojection.

Untilithurtstoomuch;untilwelearntoletgo,learntoallowthetransformationoffire

toalchemizeusfromleadintogold.Thatsall.Thatswhatisreallymeantbybeingtrue

tooneselfinthedeepestsense.Nottruetoonesselfasego,buttruetoonesowntruth.

Partofhowwelearntotakecareofourselvesonthejourneyisbyhavinganattitude

towardourstrugglethatallowsittobefullyexperienced.Imnottalkingaboutacting

out,butaboutbeingwiththearisingofattachmentorreactionwithoutdrawingconclusionsaboutwhatitmeansthatsthetrickypart.Becauseassoonasweidentify

ourstruggle,assoonaswegiveitanidentity,wecreatemoreseparation,andthereby

keepthestrugglerunningandrunningusunconsciously.

Sothesimplestinstructionistogetoutofyourthinkingandintoyourfeeling,however

painfulasthatmightbe.Andoftenitcanbeverypainful,oremotionallycathartic,or

intense.Andofcoursethebaby,ourhumannature,wantstobecomfortable,andwe

haveaculturethatplacescomfortonaveryhighpedestal.Itsaveryfineline,avery

subtledistinction.

Itrequiresexperiencetoreallytrusttheprocess,becauseitcontinuesonandon.People

awaken,andthengobackintoidentificationandaskthemselves,howcome?Orthey

haveanexperienceofawakening,andthink,Iwantthisallthetime.HowcanIhave

thisallthetime?HowcanIbecomefree?HowcanIbecomefreeofmystruggle?Or

theemotionalenergycanbesuchthatitcanbecomedespairing:Itsnevergoingto

happen,theymaytellthemselves.Imgoingtokeephavingtogothroughthissame

oldstuff,overandoveragain.Itsnevergoingtoend.Itcanbeverydiscouraging,to

thepointofdespair.

Soitrequiresinsomewaysatremendouswilltobefree,tostaywiththeprocess.And

evenasoneprogressesalongtheway,itoftengetsmoreintenseasonebecomesmore

conscious.Youfeelthingsmoredeeply,youbecomemoresensitive.Itsnotworse,

necessarily,butitismorevivid.

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Socomingtogetherlikeweredoingtonightisveryhelpful,becauseitcreatesan

environmentofsupport,whereweinasensebecomereacquaintedwiththetruthof

ourselves,andmaybeevenimbuedwithmoreofthatpresencethroughourbeing

together.Thatreallydoeshelp.Andwhenwegettogetherforlongerperiods,likeon

retreat,theopportunityisheightenedinsomeway,deepened.

Itsreallyapleasuretobewithyou,Ihavetosaythat;agreatpleasure.Mondaynightis

kindofafunnytimetomakeitoverheretothisspot,butIhavetosayImgladyoudid,

andImgladIdid.Itsnicetohaveaforumwherewecan,inacomfortable,intimate

environment,reallyexploretruthtogether.IdontreallythinkaboutwhatIwent

throughtobewhereIaminthismoment.Allthatkindofdropsaway.Theyearsonthe

zafu,themany,manyyearsonthezafu.Andallthepilgrimagingaroundtheworld,to

teachersandsoforth.Andtheextraordinarylongingtobefree.Theintensityofthat

longing.

Q.Couldyousaymoreaboutthisvastnessthatgivesyoucomfort?

Jon:DoyouknowwhatImtalkingabout?

Q.Yes,Iknowwhatyouretalkingabout,verymuch.ThatswhyIwantedtohearmore

abouthisvastnessthatgivesyousupport.Itseemstobeasyousay,onceyougetgoing

youcantgetintoit,andyouthinkyouwanttoquit.Butallofasuddenyoufindout,

kindoflikeanaddiction,youcantquit.Inotherwords,theresonlyonedirectiontogo,

andthats

forward.

But

its

not

fun

anymore.

Ive

heard

about

the

Dark

Night

of

the

Soul,butthatsoundslikeonenighttome.Inrealityitgoesonandon.

Jon:Yes.Yes,Iknow.Itsimportanttobeabletofeel,tobeabletobethefeeling.Not

justtofeel,buttobethefeeling,whateverthatis.Inthismoment,itcouldbesadness,or

fear,oranger.Thecoveringcouldbeemotional.Andtheemotionalrealmisveryoften

thedoorwaytotheblissofvastness.Weoftenthink,Idontwanttofeelthegrief,the

anger,thedisappointment,lossButwerehumanbeings,andtheseareallpartof

ourexperience.Theyreallyjustare,andtheresnothingwrongwiththem,andtheres

nothingwrongwithus.Theydontmeananythingaboutus,theyrejustwhatwego

through.

Sowhenyourehavingahardtime,whenitstheDarkNightoftheSoul,whatisthat

feeling,andcanyoubethat?Wewanttobethebliss.Wewanttobeontheothersideof

thedoor.Buttheonlywaytobeontheothersideofthedooristobecomethedoor,

becometheresistance,becomethesuffering,thepain;whateveritis.Thefrustration

thatwerenotfree.Wewantthegoodies!Butwearethegoodies,already.Itsalready

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done.Freedomisntsomethingthatweattain.Whenwedropthatwhichwerenot,we

discoverwealreadyareThat.Followme?

Q.Yes,Ido,verymuch.

Jon:Youdo,Icanfeelit.Soactuallytheresnothingtodo,excepttobewithwhatis,as

itis,inthemoment.

Q.Butyoufeellikeyourecausingyourownsuffering,thatssofrustrating

Jon:Yes,itseemslikethat.Butthetruthisthatitjustperpetuatesitself.Andthethought

aboutitactuallykeepsitgoing.Soitsalmostlikeyouhavetobacktracktothecenter.

Itseasytogetoutonthesurface,whichisjudgment,analysis,comparison;itsthehead

energy,mentalenergy.Itsreallyexternal,itswayoutthere.Itsnothere,itsnotreally

thetruth.Sothenwebacktrack,wegoOhoh,Imfeelinguncomfortable,oragitatedorwhatever.

Sothetrickthenistodropthatlabel,dropIamfeelingagitated.DroptheI,andall

thereisisagitation.Theenergyofit.Thefeelingofit.Thepainofit.Thatsall.Not,Oh,

Imreallydoingitnow.Thatinstruction,ifyougetit,willtakeyoualltheway.It

absolutelywilltakeyouthewholeway.Itsthehardestthingtoget.Becauseyouhave

tokeepgettingit,overandoverandoveragain.

Andas

you

move

more

into

vastness,

everything

is

yes.

You

know

what

Imean?

I

dontmeanbeamasochist;thiscaneasilybemisunderstood.Rather,itsthatyouknow

whoyouare,yourefamiliarwiththat,youresteepedinit.Learningtoletgoisreally

learningtofeelcompletelytheholdingon.Toallowyourselftobe100%holdingon,is

theonlywaytobe100%lettinggo.Itsaparadox.Otherwisewekeeptheholdingon

goingwithourthoughts,withourjudgments,withouranalysis,ourconclusions.

Andthenwemoveintonotknowing.Sure,youcanplaywithyourmind;itsfun.

ByronKatie,forexample,doesamentalthingtounhingethementalthing:Isitreally

true?AmIreallymyownworstenemy?Youcanchallengeanyofyourbeliefs.The

truthisthatourbeliefsarenottrue.Theyrebeliefs.Beliefsarenottrue,andtheyrenotfalse;theyrejustbeliefs.Theyreusefulornotuseful.Theyrefunctional,likesoftware.

Theyrefunctional,ortheyredysfunctional.

Youreverymuchhere.Imgladyourehere.Reallyletyourselffeeleventhedifficulty.

Thesadness.Aswebecomelessarmored,wemaythinkIhavetobestrong,Icantbe

weak.Orwemayfeelvulnerable,feelemotion;andthenthereisjudgment.Notfor

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everyone,butforalotofpeople.

Q.Youkeepaskingyourself,doIhavewhatittakes?

Jon:Yes,andyoucanalsoask,isthatreallythetruth?Remember,youarealreadyIt.

Youdontneedanything.Itsnotlikeyouhavetohavesomethingtogetthrough.I

understandwhatyoumean,WillIbeabletohanginthere?Maybe.Itsavalid

questionnobodyknowstheanswertothat.Andtheremayberealpainthere.And

theremaybefearorsadnessorgriefaboutthat:WillIbefree?ButInevergetsfree.

I,theego,istheantithesisoffree.Freedomisalreadydone.Itsalreadywhatweare.

Q.Butnotwantingtobethepain,notwanting

Jon:Bethenotwanting.Bethenotwanting.Thatswherewemissititscompletely

unconscious.Werereallyfocusedonthebullseye,thegoal.Andwethinkthenotwantingismotivatingus,butinfactitspreventingus.Itsactuallytheobstacle.Its

verytricky.Andonceyougetoutofyourhead,youllgetit.Eachtime,youllgetit.

Andeverytimeyouhavetokeepregettingit.Peoplecantbelievetheyhavetokeepre

gettingit.HowcomeIforgotthis?Andgraduallyyougetthatthatspartofthe

process,youjustforgetit.Andyoujustkeepremembering.

Whenyoureinatransmissionprocesslikethis,itactivatesthatwhichisholdingback.

Itbringsittotheforeground,usually.Peoplethink,itssointense,IdontknowifIcan

handlethis.

But

you

just

take

as

much

as

you

can

take,

thats

all.

And

then

distract

yourselfforawhile,turnontheTV.Surftheinternet.Whatever!Takeabreak.

Itssimilartoexercise;oneofthemostimportantaspectsofexercisingisnotexercising.

Takingabreak.Notoverdoingit.Butwego,Ohno,Ivegottagetenlightened,Ive

gottasitonthatzafu24hoursaday7daysaweekuntilImenlightenedHey,Iwas

there.ImjustgladIdidnttearthecartilageinmyknees.Idefinitelypaidapriceforall

that,but,hey,Iwasyoung.Alotyounger,anyway.Butalotofmyfriendsdidwreck

theirknees,andtheirbacks.Theydidalotofdamagetothemselvesphysically,trying

togetenlightened.Itwasignorance.Theyjustdidntknow.Nowadays,wecansitin

chairs.Youdonthavetositinafulllotus,tortureyourself(unlessitscomfortabletositlikethat,ofcourse).SomeofthefirstpeopleIstudiedwithactuallybelievedthatifyou

didntsitfulllotusyouwerentgoingtogetenlightened.Talkaboutalimitingbelief!

Q.Whatiswakingup?

Jon:Wakingupiswhatyouare.Wakingupisthedistinction,theconsciousdistinction,

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betweensufferingandfreedom.Beforewakingupthereisnoconsciousnessoffreedom.

Itsaconceptmaybe,butnotexperience.Wakingupisthetasteoftruth.Wakingupis

notenlightenment;wakingupisonlythetaste,orglimpseofthetruth,ofthe

possibility,ofwhatcancometofruition.Butasanexperienceitcanbeverypowerful,

verymoving.Itcancompletelychangeoneslife,tohaveanawakening.Oritcanbe

avoided,andpushedtotheside,andnotfollowedthroughon.Bygoingbackinto

identification,intojustbeingcomfortable,wemightnotnecessarilygoforward.Theres

noguaranteeofgoingforward.

Intentionisprobablyimportant,butultimatelyIthinkitsreallyanonchoice.Inother

words,sufferingsimplybecomesunacceptable.Yourejustnotwillingtosuffer

anymoreeventhoughyoudo!Thisisdifferentthanwantingtobecomfortable;

wantingtobecomfortableavoidspain,seekspleasure.Wantingtobefree,ontheother

hand,divesinthroughthepain.

Itsongoingworktopayattentionnotjustwhenyouremeditating,butallthetime.

Yes,meditationisgreat.Itcanbeveryhelpfulnotnecessarilyinallcases,butforsome

peopleitcanbe.Forothers,though,itsjustanotherwaytostayindenial.Togoto

sleep.Whatever.Butyoureawake!Andtheresstillthestuffatthesametime,right?So,

canyouallowyourselftoexperiencethatconflict?

Divetotallyintothismoment.Dontdistractyourself.Cutoutallthedistractions,every

oneofthem;cultivateonepointedness.Nothinglessthanthatisgoingtoworkforyou.

Itsright

in

this

moment

Im

talking

about,

not

tomorrow

or

whenever.

You

can

feel

it;

youjustfeltit.Rightnow.Thatsit.Youredistractingyourselfwithallthestuff.

Thatswhyinmeditationpracticetheyhaveyoufollowthebreath,tocultivateone

pointedness.Itsnotattention;itscompletesurrender.ItswhatPoonjajiusedtotalk

about,beingcompletelystill.Thatsit,beingcompletely,100%still.Andwhathappens

isthatyougetthepresence,buttheheartisblocked,andthatswherestuffisgoingto

bemoving.Andifyoudontwantthat,ifweavoidthepainthatsintheheart,themind

canreallygoonatrip.Itreallygetsonatreadmill,fueledbythepainthatsnotbeing

felt.Themindwillgiveyoueveryreasonintheworldnottobehere.Itwilltryitsbest

tofigureeverythingoutthatswhatitdoes.

Sowhateveryourefeeling,rightnow,bethat,withoutdrawingconclusions.Evenif

thereareconclusions,justletthemgooninthebackground.Dontgiveyourattention

totheconclusions;giveyourintention.GiveyourattentiontoThis,thatswhat

intentionmeans.Thisisintention,rightnow.Onepointednessisintention,thatswhat

itmeans.Itsnotaconceptinyourhead.Thatsnotintention,thatswillpower.

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Andthatsokatthebeginning.Alittlewillpower,noproblem.Oryouusewillpower

whenyouneedit.Likeahybridcar;itcanswitchsystems.Forinstance,youneeda

littlewillpowertogetyourselfhereonMondaynights.Right?Onceyourehere,you

canletgoofthatwillpower.Butifyourealwaysinwillpower,thenyourestuck.

Thegoodnewsisthatyourenotunconscious.Yourefamiliarwiththistruththatyou

are.Thatsthegoodnews.Thehumanexperiencethatneedstobetraversedasaresult

ofthatisaveryimportantpartofthejourneyitcantreallybebypassed.Were

emotionalbeings,weresentientbeings,thatswhatthatmeans.Werefeeling,wefeel.

Weliveinaculturethatstopheavy.Toomuchintheheadinformationoverload.We

havetogetdown,intothebody,intotheheart.Thatswhatsimportant.Otherwisethe

mindisatorturechamber.

Letyourselfbethefeeling.

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LettingGoHowisitpossibletoletgo?Ifwerealwaysmovingforward;alwaysgoingsomewhere;

howcanweletgo?Andwhatarewelettinggoof?

Oftenwhenyoustopforthesefortyminutes,ifoutinyourlifeyouvereallybeengoing

relentlessly,youjustfallasleep.Youjustkindofgounder.Thebodyneedstogounder;

itsjustbeengoing,going.Sowelearntostop,welearntoactuallystoptheforward

movement.Thatswhatmeditationisausefultoolfor,justbasicallystopping;

consciouslystopping.

Whenwerealwaysmovingforward,wecantbeawareofwhatsunconsciouslybeing

heldonto.Becausewerethinking,andplanning,anddoingBeingsomebody

TakingcareofbusinessImalwaysamazedwhatareliefitistostop.Eveninthe

midstofunbelievabledemandsandactivityandresponsibility,aneverlengtheningtodolist.Theonlywaytoletgoistobringintoconsciousnessthatwhichisunconscious.

Itsverydirtywork!

Sowhenwestop,ofcoursewhatisunconsciousbeginstoemergeintoconsciousness.

Andoftenitsnotverypleasant,particularlywhenitsphysicalthetensionsthatwe

buildupthroughourcopingmechanisms,thewayswegetthroughtheday.So

historicallyalotofphysicalculturehasbeendevelopedinspiritualcircles.Yoga,taichi,

aikido,thevariousmartialarts;healingpractices,breathingpractices,qigong.Theyre

allbased

on

meditation,

really;

theyre

all

based

on

stillness.

Stillness

thats

conscious,

thatsheldnotrigidly,butsoft,open,balanced.

IthinkintheWestwevemainlycontributedthepsychological,thepsychodynamic.

Theindividual,psychodynamicpsychologythatstheareathatsmostunconscious.

Thebeliefstructures,thementalconditioning.Thatsprobablythemostdangerous

landscapethatweeventuallymusttraverse,mustencounter.Ofcoursetheemotionalis

reallythegatewaytotheheart,tothebigheart,totheunnamable;theinfinite

consciousnessthatweare.

Usuallywestopfeelingbythinking.Weseparatefromfeelingbyanalyzingorcompartmentalizing, bythewayswedefinethings.Thementalrealmisveryoften

mostlyadefensemechanism.Soofcourseinsomanytraditions,wisdomisbasically

equatedwithnotknowing.

Ofcoursehereinourculture,intheinformationage,knowingisKing,itsGod;its

whatsrewarded.Notknowingisunthinkable.Itsradical,itssubversive.Andof

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course,ironically,itcantbeunderstoodintellectually.Notknowingisntlikedumbing

down,orbeingstupid;thatsnotwhatitis.Itsreallymorelikethewonderofachild,or

atouristinSanFranciscoonthecablecarforthefirsttime.Everseenwhatpeoplelook

likeonthosethings?Likeadogwithitsheadoutofthewindowanditstongueblowing

inthewind.Everythingsnew!

Actually,Ivelivedheremostofmylife,andImalwaysamazed,drivingaroundthe

city,athowIalwaysseesomethingnew.Always!Imeanjustintermsofbuildings,

architecture,itslike, Oh,Ineversawthatbefore!Happensallthetime,itsjust

amazingtome.Thereisasenseofappreciationofbeauty,becausetheresnothing

comparedtoit;perceptionisrightnow,itsnotrelatedtosomethingelse.Thatcanonly

happentoamentalprocess.

Notknowingisreallyseeingdirectlywhatis.Itdoesntmeanunderstandingitor

intellectualizingit.Itdoesntmeancomparingitoranalyzingit.Itmeansperception,directperceptionofwhatis.Thatsallthatsreallyrequired,completely.Whetherits

physicalawareness,mentalawareness,emotionalawarenessthatsallthatsrequired.

Seeingthingsdirectlyastheyare,feelingthemdirectlyastheyare,hearingthem

directlyastheyare.Soyoucouldcomehereandlistenandnotunderstandasingle

wordofit,thatsfine.Justhearit,justasitis,andletitbe.Tryitout!

Weassumeweunderstandwhenwerelisteningandtalkingtosomebody,wheninfact

werereacting,makingassumptions,projecting,andwedontevenknowweredoing

that.People

often

end

relationships

with

false

assumptionshave

you

ever

done

that?

Itsmuchmoreinterestingtotryonnotknowing.Ofcoursethatdoesntmeanwerenot

goingtoreact,aslongasreactivityisstillpresent.Butwecanbeavailabletothe

contractionofthereaction.

Whatdoesthatmean,beavailabletothecontractionofthereaction?Imean,youre

talkingtosomeonethatyouknow,andallofasuddentheysaysomethingortheydo

something,andallofasuddenyourbodyclamps,yourstomachgetstight,oryouhave

aheadache,oryoureangry,orafraid,orsad,orsomething.Somephysicalreaction,

maybeacombo.Right?YouknowwhatImtalkingabout.Theresareaction.

Sothenwhat?Thatswhatsimportant:thenwhat?Wheredoyouputyourattention

then?Doyoujustmovefurtherintounconsciouscontraction,thewantingtogetaway

fromit,todistractfromit?Becomemoreunconscious,inotherwords?Thatsusually

whathappens.Andwedontevenrealizeituntilwereverytired.Ittakesalotof

energytocultivateunconsciousness, itsaveryheavy,veryexhaustingcondition.And

maybeforawhile,youthinkyoureholdingon,holdingontosomething.Andmaybe

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youreatwork,andyoucantreallybreakdownandcry,orwhatever.Becauseyouve

gottodealwithyourresponsibilities,andtheyexpectyoutobeprofessional,andsoon.

SoyougohomeandsaymaybeIllsitalittlebit,Illjusttunein.Oryoucomehere,and

wanttotuneinalittlebit,maybeamplifytheconsciouschannel.Thatswhatwedo

here,oronretreat,weamplifytheconsciouschannel.Orinmeditation,thatswhat

weredoing,wereturningupthevolumeofconsciousness.Ofcourse,itcanbealittle

difficultuntilyougetthehangofit.Peoplethink well,Imeditatedfiveminutesthis

week,meditatedoneminutelastmonth.ThatsaboutalltheconsciousnessIcantake

rightnow!ToomuchontelevisionIneedtocatchupon,toomuchnews;theresalotto

keeptrackof!

Thereisalottokeeptrackof,noquestionaboutit.Butconsciousnesscreatesspace;it

createstimeandspace,actually.Itsreallykindofmiraculoustodiscoverthat,tofind

thatout.Howisthatpossible?Idontknow.Butitdoes,youshouldtryit.Cultivatingconsciousnessactuallycreatestimeandspace,andreducesstress.Ithinkweveallhad

experiencesofit,youprobablyknowwhatImtalkingabout,thoughImaynotbe

sayingitinthewayyoulanguagethings.

Youknowthefeelingyouhavewhenyoureonvacation,andyoudonthavetogo

anywhere,donthavetodoanything?Thatsagoodfeeling,isntit?Thepressuresoff,

noonesgoingtobugyouorwantsomething.Theresafeelingofnopressure.Thatsa

goodfeeling.AndthatswhatImean!Developingconsciousnesscreatesthatfeelingof

nopressureeven

when

theres

so

much

to

do.

Thats

the

weird

part.

In

some

ways

nothinghaschanged,andinanotherwayeverythingisdifferent.

Soyoubegintoliveasspaciousness.Youbegintoliveinthetimeless.Andthetimeless

hasasenseoflotsoftime;Imeanallthetimeyouneed.Andthemind,themental

activity,becomesaverycompassionate,friendlyally.Ithinkmostpeoplewouldsettle

forthat.Forgetenlightenment;justtohaveamindthatyougetalongwith,thatwould

benotbad,youknow?Illtellyouhowtodothatfirst.Firstthingsfirst,asmymother

usedtosay:

Whenindoubt,feel.Thatsall.

Mentaltorturehappensbecausesomethinghasntbeenfelt.Itsthesurfacesiren,thecar

alarm.Thatannoyingthingthatgoesoffwhenyouretryingtosleep(ifyouliveinSan

Francisco,youknowexactlywhatImtalkingabout!).Soinsteadofgoingoutand

smashingthatcarwiththealarm,goinandfeel.Becausethetortureisamentalalarm;

theobsessed,unhappymindistheresultofemotionalenergythathasnotmoved,likea

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present,itslikethedifferencebetweenDSLanddialup.Muchfaster!Likeadirectline.

Whenyoulearnhowtousethat,itslikerocketfuel.

Butyoustillcantbypassyourownstuff.Oftenpeoplehaveawakeningsandthey

think,phew!Imdone!Idonthavetomeditateanymore,donthavetokeeplookingat

allthispainfulstuff.Themindthencomesupwithallkindsofconclusions,whichare

usuallywrong,andyoufindthatouteventually.Butifyoustayconsciousthisvery

processcanbereallyuseful.Youmightsayitstheultimatecooker.Wereanamazing

ecosystem,youknow,thiswholepsychospiritual, bodymindcomplex,infinite

unknowablemysterythatweare.Prettyfaroutstuff.Prettyfarouttoexplore.AndI

likethat.

IoftensaythatIfindtheusefulattitudestohavearethoseofexplorerandscientist.

Explorer:likeyoureinunknownterritory,youveneverbeentherebefore,dontknow

whereyouare.Andscientist:simplyobservingthingsastheyare.Beingveryattentive,watchingverycarefully,andnotwithapreconceivedidea.Allthegreatscientific

discoveriesweremadebypeoplewhowereabletothinkoutsidethebox.Theywere

notcaughtbytheparadigmofthinkingthatwasaroundthem.Theywereabletosee

thingsnobodyelsecouldseebecausetheydidnthavepreconceivedideasaboutwhat

theywereseeing.Allthegreatscientificdiscoverieshavethatincommon.Thomas

KuhnwroteabookhewasaprofessoratStanford,Idontknowifhesstillaround

hewroteabookcalledTheStructureofScientificRevolutions,andhetalkedabout

that,itsveryinteresting.Andthesameistrueinourowntransformation.Thatswhat

Ivebeen

talking

about

tonight.

SoIguessthequestionthatIhaveforyouis,whatdoyouwant?Whyareyouhere,or

whatareyoulookingfor,whatisitthatyouneed?Startthere.Thatstheonlyplacewe

canalwaysstart,wherearewerightnow.Whatisityouneedrightnow,orwhatisit

thatyouwant?

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TheMirrorLatelyIvebeenbeginningthetalkswithsilentinteraction,whichisthedeepestformof

teaching.Onewayoranother,itsamirror.Amirrorofemptiness,oramirrorof

struggle.Comfortableoruncomfortable.

Howdowerelatetotheuncomfortable?Ortothecomfortable?Usuallywerelatetothe

comfortableortheegorelatestothecomfortableas Iwantmore; Iwantmore

pleasure. Andthatsok!Whatswrongwithwantingmorepleasure?Thatshuman

nature.Thatsbuiltintothehardwiringofourbodymindstructure.Andobviouslywe

dontwantstruggle,wedontwantdiscomfort;andthatswhyweseek.Thatswhywe

seekfreedom,orthepotentialforfreedom,fromsuffering.Sufferingskindofa

bummer!Wetryallkindsofwaystoavoidit,andwehavemanywayswecanavoidit.

Wereendlesslycreativeinthatway.Butultimatelywerealizethatwecantavoidthis

anymore.Itdoesntwork!Butwellkeeptrying.Theresgottabeawayoutofthis.Right?Sowetry,andtry,andtry.

Thisisaveryoldsubject,actually.Itsbeenaroundforcenturies,atleastinthe

literature.InZen,forinstance,thereareallthesestoriesaboutthestudentsayingtothe

teacher, ifwerealreadyenlightened,iftheresnoattainment,thenwhyarewe

meditating?Whyarewepracticing?Andeventodaythatsanissue.Idontknowif

yourefamiliarwiththatsubject.Itsactuallyanimportantareatolookat.Itsveryeasy

togetconfusedonthisone.Ifwhatwearefundamentallyisalreadyliberated,already

free,then

what

is

this

practice

thing?

What

is

this

meditation

thing

about?

Right?

You

mayalreadyknowtheanswertothis;ifso,bearwithme.

Ultimatelythereisnopractice,really.Itsmoreaccuratetosaythattheresacceptanceof

whatis,whichistheabsenceofstrugglewithwhatis.Certainlybysittingstillforaperiodoftimesocalledmeditationwebecomeawareofthedifferencebetweenallowing

whatisandtryingtochangewhatis,andthatsashiftinattention.Whenweallow

whatis,opennessnaturallyhappens.Thelettinggoofthedefensecalledegonaturally

occurs.Thatsallegois,really,adefense.Itsprotection,itsasurvivalmechanism.Its

notaproblem,really.Moreorlessnotaproblem,thatis.Likethebody,moreorlessnot

aproblemforsomepeopleitsmoreofaproblem,forothersless.Wedealwithallkindsofbodychallenges,someofusmorethanothers.Samewithemotionalchallenges

ormentalchallenges:moreorless.

Soaccepting,beingavailableforwhatis,isreallywhatmeditationis.Itsnotadoing.

Itsnotthatyoureimprovingyourself.Itsmorethatyoureallowingbeing.Andinthat

allowing,onerecognizesthetruthatsomepoint,thealreadycompletenessofwhatwe

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are.Andwemayexperiencethatasjustamomentofpeace,oftremendouspeaceor

love,unconditionalloveorconnection,onenesswitheverything.Maybeitsafleeting

experience,veryquick;ormaybeitlingers,andwesettleintosuchness.Andthen

maybewemovebackintothecontraction,wehavethissortofbackandforth.

Theresaphysicstoit,actually,justliketheresaphysicstoallthelawsofnature.

Theresaphysicstoliberation.Sowerealllittlescientistsandexplorersinthe

unknown,andwehavethelaboratoryofourexperiencetobeamirrorforus.Andthis

environmentcanbeaveryhighlypolishedmirrorforrecognizingthetruth,whichis

unnamable,unspeakable.Itsthesilent,atruththatwearealready,butthatweare

paradoxicallylongingfor.

Butliberationisbringingconsciousnessbacktoitself,thatswhatitdoes.And

acceptanceisreallyallowingthattohappen.Thatswhatacceptancereallyis:allowing

consciousnesstoreturntothesourceofitsbeing.Andoftenitsaterrifyingexperience;itcanbeprettyscary.Itcanbringupfear,becauseitslikelettinggoandfalling,losing

control.Thatkindoflettinggocanfeelverythreatening.Itsnotthreatening,actually,

itsveryfreeing;butinitiallyitcanbescary,particularlyifwevegotatightgrip.

Sogentlywelearntobewiththefearoflosingcontrol,andgraduallywebecome

comfortablewithexpansion,withlosingasenseofmeandyou,wheretheresjust

oneness.

Wewant

to

make

it

very

complicated,

of

course.

Our

minds

love

complicating

things,

theylovehavingelaborateexplanations.Infactthatswhattheminddoes;itlikesto

explainthings,organizethings,understandthings.Soitsalittledifficultforthemind,

particularlysincelettinggoonlyhappensintherealmofnotunderstanding.Its

counterinstinctualtoletgo.Becauseholdingonisinstinctual,survivingisinstinctual.

Andlettinggoisnt.

Somentally,itsjustrecognizingandallowingnotknowing.Thatsharder;thatmaybe

thehardestpartofsocalledspiritualpractice.Peoplesay,howcanItrust?ActuallyI,

theego,cannot.Itsactuallyagainsttheegosnaturetotrust.Becausetrustreally,inthe

wayImeanit,isnotknowing.Itsbeingliberatedthatistheessenceoftrust;itsnotanegoexperience.Egoscanttrust;theyhavetoomuchtolose.Theyhavetodefend.

Talkingaboutthisisalittletricky.

Trustiswhatwenaturallyare.Itstheabsenceofego.Itslove,itstheoneheart;itsthe

bigheart.Itsnotapsychologicalattitude;itsflying,soaringininfinitefreefall.Thats

whatImeanbytrust.Sotheresthiswillingnesstositinsilenceandbeavailableforthis

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mirror.Thismirrorofwhatever:onesdiscontent,onesanxiety,onestruth,whatever.It

doesntmatter!Itsnotlike, ohthisisgoodtonight,Iwasgroovin inthelight! Or, this

isacrummynight,Icouldntsitstillandmymindwasallovertheplace. Itsjust

whatever,youknow?Ofcoursewecancertainlysay, Ilikethat,Idontlikethat ,or

Idratherbeatpeacethanatwar.

Sothequestion,then,iscanyoubewithwhatisrightnow?Rightnowmeaningnot

onlythismoment,butanymoment,anytime,anywhere.Canyoubehereforwhats

given,canyoureceivewhatsgiveninthismoment?Orareyouresistingwhatsgiven

rightnow?Areyouagainstit,areyoumovingawayfromit?Orareyoutryingtograb

ontoit?Oristherejust...allowingit?Prettyeasy,right?Thatisntareallycomplicated

setofchoices.AmIagainstit,amImovingawayfromit?AmIgrabbingontoit?Oram

Iallowingit?Thisshouldbefairlyeasytonotice,shouldntit?No?Yeah,maybenot!

Ifoneisinonesmentalprocessitmightbehardtoknow.Soyougetintoyourbody;thatswheremeditationagainbecomesveryhelpful.Mostmeditationpracticesare

bodyoriented.Youfeelyourbodyandfeelwhatsgoingon,sensationsinyour

breathing,andsoon;youstartgettingtunedin,starttogetalittlemoresensitiveto

whatsgoingonhere.Becausethebodyiskindoflikeabiofeedbacksystem.Checkinto

yourbody.Noticehowyourefeeling,whatyouresensing.Maybeyoudontfeel

anything.Maybeyourenumborjustblank;itscertainlypossible.Sojustbeblank,be

numb.Bewhateveritis.Justallowthat.

Thetruth

is,

your

particular

doorway

is

whatever

shere

right

now.

That

sactually

very

difficultforthemindtogrok,tocomprehend.Itreallyis.Ionlysaythatfrom

experience,notbecauseIbelieveit.Idont,Imnotintobelief.Itsnotmything.Idont

recommendit!Beliefisjustanotherbagofstuffitsusefulifitgetsyouinthedoor,

ontoyourcushion,whatever.Butthetruthofyourexperienceisinfrontofyou.Can

youfindit?

Canyousitinfrontofthedoorwayofnotknowing?Thatswhatwecallreadiness.

Readinessisactuallytherealizationthatwecantescapeanymore,thatwecantavoidit

anymore.Thatsreadiness.Noblame,noshame.Thatsall.Andyouknowifyoure

ready,becauseyoushowup.Youshowupregardlessofhowyoufeel.Yousitdownandyoupayattention,regardlessofwhatspresent.Whetheryouwanttoordontwant

toisirrelevant.Yougiveyourselftothismoment:thistoo,thistoo,whateveritis.The

trafficjam.Theresentmentatwork.Whatever.Therereamillionthings,right?Its

endless.Whateveritisthatwepushaway,runfrom,grabonto.Anythinginthat

categoryisfairgame.Sothisreallymeansthateachmomentisanopportunityfor

practice,forawakening,forseeingitasitis;thatsallthatsrequired.Thatswhatit

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means, noattainment.

Weresoattainmentconditioned.Weareconditionedtoachieve,toproduce.Soitsa

littleweirdtotalkaboutthis,becausetheminddoesntunderstandhowitspossible.

Butdoesthemindunderstandhowitspossiblethatyoucanstickaseedintheground,

andeventuallyhavesomethinggrow?Theresnodifference.Andwearethatseed;the

truthofwhatweareisthatseed,anditwillsproutanditwillgrow,allbyitself.Wejust

havetolearntowaterit,andgiveitsun,andtherightearth,anditdoesit!Thatswhat

itmeans, noattainment.

Nooneisexcludedfromliberation.Ithasnothingtodowithworthinessoranything

likethat.Itonlyhastodowithreadiness.Thatsall.Ofcourse,ittakesalotofcourage

tofacewhatisinanymoment,doesntit?Itseasiertohide.Itseemseasiertohide.But

thatssurvival.Ultimately,whenitsnolongereasiertohide,youreready.Whenhiding

becomesmoredifficultthanfacingwhatis,youknowyoureready.Thatsall.Thenyoujustputyourselfinthesaddleandletthebroncokick.Thatsall.Ridethatbronco.Or

thatmagiccarpet;whateveryourpreferredmodeoftravelis!

Itsreallyverystrangetotalkaboutsomethingthatsreallythesimplestthingthereis,

yetwhichisactuallyunspeakable.Butitseemstobeahumanqualitytotalk;welike

talking.So,feelfreetospeakupifyouwantto;raiseyourhand,howeveryouwantto

doit.Yeah!Hi.

Q.What

is

the

role

of

relationship

in

the

spiritual

path?

Jon:Lifeisrelationshipeverywhere,whetherwithlovers,friends,whathaveyou.Soif

yourecommittedtoyourownspiritualpath,andyoureinrelationship,howdoyou

relatetothat,howdoyoudealwiththat?Ithinkthatintimaterelationshipisagreat

mirror.Infactitsoftenthemostdifficultmirror;thepeopleclosesttoyou,whether

yourlover,oryourmother,father,brother,sister...Itswithpeoplewhoareveryclose

thatweoftenbecomethemostdefended.Initiallyyoumaybeinlove,anditsall

groovyandeverything.Buteventually,youknow,thedefensesgoup.Andthatsa

greatopportunity!

Nowitsnotaboutputtingtherelationshipontosomealtarandthenofferingincense,or

somethinglikethat,turningitintoaceremony;itsaboutbeingavailabletotherawness

ofit.Theheatofit.Thesharpnessofit.Andobviouslythepleasureofittoo!Butitsa

veryintensefieldtoworkin.Andthatsprobablywhysomanyspiritualtypesoverthe

centurieshavebeencelibatebecauseinsomewaysitseasiernottohavetodealwith

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somebodyelsethatclosely.Right?Butifyoureinrelationship,ifyoureinvolvedwith

somebody,closely,thenitcanbearealopportunity.

Asyouletgoofwhatis,asyouallowwhatis,relationshipisjustwhatitis.Itworks,it

doesntwork.Itsabumpyroad,itsasmoothroad.Whatever!Youstaywithit,you

dontstaywithit.Oryouwonderwhetheryouregoingtostaywithit.Butitsanother

mirror.Asyouredeepeningintopresence,now,yourpartnermayormaynotbeaware

ofthat.Thatmaynotbetheirthing.Ormaybeitis.PersonallyIdontthinkitmatters.I

thinkultimatelywefindthatanotherpersonsjourneyisreallytheirbusiness,notour

business.AndthatsreallywhatImeanbyacceptance.Andthenitsaverypowerful

placetobe,inrelationship.Becausethenyoureallygettoseewhereyoutrytomakeit

yourbusiness.Andthatcanbeveryliberating;thatcanbeareal,fast,hotfire.

Itsnotsoeasy,though.Anditusuallyrequiresthewillingnesstogrieve,andtheability

toreallyfeelpowerfulemotions.Becausewhenwerebondingwithanotherhumanbeing,thatsaverydeepphysicalattachment.Andifweredealingwiththefreeingof

attachment,weredealingwithaverydeeplevelofinstinct,anditsverypowerful.The

sameistruewithparentsandchildren;itbecomesavery,verypowerfulareatowork,

becauseitssoinstinctual,itsinyourcells.YouknowwhatImsaying?

SoIdontthinkoneshouldbesayingofrelationship, Ishouldbeabovethat. Ithink

theattitudeshouldbemorelike...divein!Divein,itsareallypowerfulfield.Itsavery

interestingareatoworkwith,andoftenitsavoided,ormessedwith.ButIthinkitcan

beareally

great

area

for

cultivating

one

sown

recognition

of

truth;

and

then,

ultimately,youllseethepersonaspurebeingness.

Itslikethatoldsaying:whenapickpocketbumpsintoasaint,allheseesarehis

pockets.So,howdoesyourloverlook?Whatareyouseeing?Andthentakethe

projectionback,andbehonestaboutit.Thatshotwork,hotmeaningitsalittleintense.

Butitsquick,veryquick.Quickinthesensethatitsprobablythefastestwayofletting

go;lettinggoofourattachmentandneedforsomebodytobeacertainway.Thatis

suffering.Bigtime.

Youacceptyourpartner;youacceptthemastheyare.Ordotheyneedtochange,dotheyneedtoimprove?Andisitanydifferentforourselves?See,thatsmypoint.Itsall

relationship,whetheritssomebodyoutthere,orwithmoi.Itsthesamedynamic;its

identical.Soifyourenotinrelationshipthenthegameis,Ineedtochange.Ineedto

improve,Ineedtobeenlightened,Ineedtobefreeofsuffering. Ineedtobefixed.I

needtobefiguredout.IneedtobeunderstoodSamething!

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Soultimatelyitsnotoutthere.Thatswhyitsamirror.Itsnotsoeasytolookinthe

mirror,isit?Canyoulookinthemirrorandseenothing?Canyoulookinthemirror

andbeatpeace?

Werealwaysgettingfeedback.Always,everymoment;thismoment.Notjustwhen

yourefollowingyourbreath,ordoingyourmantra,yourvisualization,whatever.

Whenyourecursinginthemiddleofatrafficjam,oratyourpartnerthat swhen

payingattentionbecomesveryuseful.Youcanstopinthemoment,andreallyletitin.

Andyouseethatithurtstocontractinthatway,toresistwhatis.Resistingwhatis

reallyhurts,doesntit?Whenyoucangrievethelossofthewayitisnt,orthewayyour

partnerisnt,thenyoureonyourwaytofreedom.Thatsallthatsrequired.Itsnotthat

theyhavetochange;whenyoucangrievethelossofwhatyoudidntget,thatswhere

transformationhappens.

Imtalkingaboutrelationship,aboutsomeonewhodidntmeetyourexpectations.Iwasplayingonthattheme.Whenyoucangrievethat,andthenfullyletgo,thentheheart

opens,andacceptanceiswhatis.Andforgiveness,too,thatswhenforgivenessis

present.Forgivenessisntjustsomethingyoulaminateontoyourself,ontoyourattitude.

Itsnotalaminationjob!Itsreallytheessenceofthedeepestclearing;whentheres

nothingleft,thenforgivenessis.Justlikeacceptance;theresnodifference.

Ultimatelywecanfaceeverything.Thatswhatreadinessreallymeans;itstheabilityto

faceanything,ultimately.Andlearninghow,thatsreallytheartofcompassion;its

learninghow

to

become

available

to

our

deepest

grief,

our

deepest

disappointment

or

ourmostprofoundterror,orrage.Imnottalkingaboutactingout,Imtalkingabout

allowingthatdeepenergeticmovementtobefreed,ratherthanheldin.Thatswhy

peoplelikeusdiscoveredthingslikemeditationandyogaandtaichiandqigong;all

thesepracticesturnourbodiesintolightningrodsforenergy.Wecanbegintoseethat

weareonewithmotherEarth,andwecanutilizethatpowerandstrengthofsupport,

whichweneedtobeabletoletgoofourgriefandourfearandourangerour

protection,atallitslevels.

Sothatswhyweinventedthesepractices,spiritualpracticessocalled.Andthatswhy

meditationsittingstill,whichwedidwhenwestartedtonightitsactuallyverysimple,butalsoverypowerful,andveryprofound.Itsaverypowerfulpractice,

actually,tositstill.Obviously!Lookaround.Isthereanythingslowingdownaroundus

inthisculture?Itdoesntlooklikeit;actuallyitlookslikeitsfasterandfaster.Just

gettingtoafourwayintersectionisoftenanextraordinaryevent,Ifind.Whosgoingto

gothroughtheintersectionfirst,andwhosgoingtorunthelight?Itslikethe

Indianapolis500justgoingtothegrocerystore.

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Sostoppingisaveryyogicallypowerfulevent,andnottobetakenlightly.Itdoeswork,

though,ifyoulearnhowtoutilizethetechnology.Thesetoolscanbevery,veryuseful,

soitsreallyworthittolearnhowtousethemwell.

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TheWillingnesstoBeAvailableItsamazinghowsomethingassimpleasjustsittinginsilencetogethercanbesorich.

Ontheonehandtheresnotmuchgoingon;andyet,whatisgoingon,whentheres

nothingto

distract

you?

Itssoeasytogetcaughtindistraction.Buttochoosetostoplikethis,tojustbepresent,

toshowupasIveoftensaid,itrequiresreadiness.Nomoreescapehatches.Oryou

realizethatescapehatchesdontworkanymore.Youmightstilltrythem,actually;but

youcometorealizethattheydontworkanymore.Ormaybeyoukeeprealizingthat,

keeprediscoveringthattheydontworkanymore.Untilfinally,youjustsay,ok.Igive

up.Illjustbehere.Withwhateverspresent.Withwhateverisphysicallypresent,

emotionallypresent,mentallypresent.

Ithinkthehardestpartofthatisnotmakingconclusionsaboutwhatonesexperience

meansrightnow.Isntthatthehardestthing?Tobeavailablewithoutknowingwhatit

means,withoutgettingcaughtintheconclusion,thestoryofit?Thatcanbeanescape

hatch,themeaningofitall.Nottosayitsmeaningless;thatwouldjustbetheopposite

conclusionwheninfactitsbeyondeither,itsallencompassing.Awarenessisall

encompassing.Itexcludesnothing.Soallyouhavetodoisnoticewhereyoure

excluding,whereyourepushingaway,orpulling,struggling.

Soinawayitsverysimple.Butofcourseitcanbeintense,ordifficult,tonothavea

buffer;to

not

protect.

To

allow

the

heart

to

be

open

to

its

vulnerability.

That

swhy

compassionissoimportant;compassionmeanssimplytoallowvulnerability.Allow

notknowing.Allowthevastnessofourbeingtotakeusintotheunknown.

Openingtotheopenness,asJeanKleinusedtosay,meansthewillingnesstobe

availabletowhateverarises.Itseasytoreallywantthepleasureofawakening;

awakeningisagreatpleasure,andagreatrelief.Itsalsoexperientialevidence,you

mightsay,oftheexistenceoftruth,andoffreedom.Sowecontinueonthepath.

Otherwisewedprobablystaydowntheescapehatch,onewayoranother.

Sowewantthepleasureofawakening,butwedontwantthepainofsuffering.But

thatsreallythekey,rightthere.Thekeyisinthenotwanting.Thatstheultimate

doorwaytofreedom,beingavailabletothenotwanting.Painisntthekey;thepainjust

iswhatitis.Thesufferingisinournotwantingthepain,ourresistingit.Orour

wantingit,forthatmatter,whichcanincludewantingtounderstandit,too;wantingto

figureitout.

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Thegoodnewsisitscompletelyoktobehuman,withallthatthatinvolves.Itsnot

aboutgettingtherightmeritbadgessoyoureworthy;goodenough,smartenough,

whatever.Allthatsrequiredisreadiness.Andreadinessgotyouhere,justlike

readinesssomehowgetsthebeetotheflower,andgetstheflowertoopen.Thatsame

mysterybringsustothetruth.

Reallyitsjustreturningustothesourcethatweare.Thatswhy,inasense,wewant

thatbecauseinsomewaysweknowweredisconnectedfromthatwhichweare,we

knowitintuitively,andweusuallyrunaroundtryingtofulfillourselvesinvarious

ways,thinkingthatsgoingtomakeushappy.Butultimatelywereseekingwholeness.

Weseekfreedom,whichisourtruenature.Soessentially,ourselfisbringingusbackto

ourself.Orournoselfisbringingusbacktoournoself,ifyoureBuddhist!

Inasensewecantnotgohome;itsnotpossible.Evenifwerekickingandscreamingthewholeway,itsstillnotpossible,justlikegravityispartofourrealityhereonthis

planet.Therereallyisaphysicstothis.Wearethemysteryofnature.Weareasgrand

astheuniverseitself.Asunknowable.Wearenotseparateatallfromthat.

Ofcourseifyoureexperiencingseparateness,orisolation,orstruggle,thenletstalk.

Letsfindoutwhatsgoingon,putalittlelightonit,sotospeak.Thevalueofthis

dialoguehereistocometotheplacewheresilencespeaks.Soifwhatsspeakingoutis

noise,thenweinteracttoreturntothesilence.

Itsoktoexplorethenoise:thementalnoise,theemotionalnoise,thephysicalnoise,

doesntmatter.Noblame,nojudgmentatall.Isooftenhearpeopledescribingtheir

judgmentsofthemselves.Itsrelentless.Itssadthatwedothattoourselves;howdowe

getintothathabit?Judgmentturnsthehearttostone.Whatdoesittaketosoftenthe

heart,towarmit,soitopensandisavailable?Thatsallthatsrequired.Justbeing

present,thatsit.Ultimatelythatsthewholeoftheteaching.Yougetthat,thenyoujust

hangwiththatuntilitsdone,basically.Thatsaboutit.

Ofcourseitdoesprecipitatethatwhichisstillstruggling,asyouknowifyouvebeenat

thisforawhile.Butthatsok,thatsjustthewayitworks.Itstough,itsdifficult,becauseoftenthemindgoes,wellIguessImnotgettingit,becauseImstillstruggling,

Imstillfrightened,Imstillangry,Imstillconfused,stillsadandfrustrated.Imstill

unsatisfied.Itshardtocontinue,isntit,whenyoureunsatisfied?

Sothesavinggrace,ifyouwill,isgraceitself.Thetruththatweare,thatweallare.

Werealreadyit.Werealreadyfree.Wemaynotrealizeityet;wemaynotbeonewith

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thatyet.Andbelievingitdoesntreallyhelpthatmuch.Believingwontdoit,inother

words.Beliefmaybeuseful,ofcourse,ifitkeepsyouonthepath.Butultimately,like

theysayinZen,talkingdoesntboilwater.

SodoyouknowwhatImeanwhenIsaythetruthofwhoyouare?Isitclearwhatthat

means?Notclearintellectually,butclearinthefullnessofbeing?Thatswhywehave

thismirrorcalledsatsang.Thatsreallywhatitis,thatsitsonlypurpose.

Fundamentally,thatsitstruevalue.Satsangistherealizationthatwerenotseparate.

Theresreallynomeandnoyouatthislevelofawareness.

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ThePainofNotKnowingIntheZenmonastery,inthezendo,themeditationhall,watchesarenotallowed.And

Ivenoticedthathere,duringthemeditation,somepeoplekeepcheckingthetime.Like,

gee,Iwonder

how

much

longer

Im

going

to

have

to

sit

here?

Is

he

late?

Is

he

torturing

meagain?Orwhatever!

Itsreallyrecommendedduringmeditationperiodsthatyoukeepyourwatch

somewhereyouwontseeit.Otherwiseyouredenyingyourselfthepainofnot

knowing.Andthatsanendlessdetour.Dontdenyyourselfthepainofnotknowing!

Thatsaverypowerfulandimportantpain.Itseemsquiteharmless,ofcourse, oh,Im

justlookingatmywatch.Justwanttoseewhattimeitis.Iwanttoknow,isittenmore

minutes,thirtymoreminutes,onemoreminute? Butagain,thatsadetouraround

somethingthatcanbeverypowerful.Becauseultimatelyitsallaboutnotknowing.

Thatsreallythesecretteaching.

Now,youcouldlookatthisasjustanotherruleyouhavetofollow,thatsrestricting

youwhenyoudontwanttoberestricted.Idontknowifthatcomesupforyouinthis

situation,butitmight.Andthatsonewaytoperceivethat,onewaytoseeit;butitsa

waythatwillonlyperpetuatesuffering.Bettertojustexperiencewhatis.Theurgeto

know:feelwhatthatis.Ifyoulookatyourwatchifyousatisfythaturge,inother

wordsthenyoudontgettofeelit.Youtakeitawayfromyourself;youredenying

yourself,actually.Ironic,buttrue.

IntheZenmonastery,atleastwhenIwasthere,ifyoumovedinmeditationyouwere

hitwithastick.Notabusively,ofcourse,itwasdonewell;andtherewasaphysiology

toit,itstimulatedthetrapeziusmusclestohelpyoustayawakeandhelpyoustay

focused.Buttheydiscoveredoverthecenturiesthatsittingstillwasmuchmore

effectivethanmovingaround.Thatsall.Itsnotlikeyouresupposedtobetorturing

yourself,butthereisapowerinstillness.Thepathofstillnessisliketakingthe

ConcordetoEuropeasopposedtorollerskatingandswimmingtoEurope.Again,its

notmeanttobetorture;itsmeanttobeawelldiscoveredpieceofadvice.

Sotheneedtomoveisanotherurgeforyoutofeellikeneedingtoknowwhattimeit

isinthemeditationperiod.Simplyfeelthaturge,thatcompulsiontomove.Nowif

youreinpainandyouneedtoshiftyourpositionbecauseyoureinjuringyourself,

thenmove,obviously.Butexperimentwiththat,becausewerecookinghere.Thisisa

cooker,thisisalittlemicrowavewevegotgoinghere.Yourecookingfromtheinside

out,andalsofromtheoutsidein.

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Itcanbehelpful,whenyouresitting,justtogiveyourselfalittleencouragementtostay

withwhatisrightnow,asbestyoucan.Andifyoureallywanttoknowwhattimeitis,

reallywanttoknowhowmuchlongeryouregoingtohavetositthere,thenfeelthat

wantingtoknow,feelthatpain.Otherwiseyoudontgettofeelit,andthenitcomesup

again,andagain,andagain.Butifyoureallyfeelit,youredone.Thestruggleends.

Thenyoucanenjoyyourself.

Stillnessistheeaseofbeing.Itsnotholdingyourselfstill.Itsnotholdingbackfrom

moving.Notlookingatthewatchisrelaxingintonotknowing,relaxingintothe

discomfortofnotknowing.Thegrief,thesuffering,thefear,whateveritis.Theanger,

theanxiety,therestlessness,theimpatience.Whatever.Itsgivingspacetothat.

Ironically,itsstillnessthatallowsthattomovewhichneedstomove.Thatsall.

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TheFruitionofthePathIwanttotalkaboutthisideaofwhatkindoflifestyleisnecessarytotakeaspiritual

journeyseriously.AndIjustwanttosaythatitdoesntmatter.Itdoesntmatter

whetheryoure

amonk

or

ahouseholder.

It

doesnt

make

any

difference

at

all.

Theres

noguaranteeonewayortheother,andnohindranceonewayortheother.Ultimatelyit

isntaboutthat.

IwanttotalkaboutJeanKlein,whowasmyfirstrealizedteacher.Hewasnotamonk.

Hewasamedicaldoctor,andaconcertviolinist,andamusicologist,andhadtwo

growndaughtersbeforehereallyenteredhispath.Infacthewasonthelasttrainoutof

GermanyintoFrancebeforetheNazisclosedtheborder;itwasatumultuousperiodof

time.AndhewentofftoIndiatoexplorethedeepermeaningoflife,becauseclearly

whatwasgoingoninEuropewasinsane.IwanttogetbacktoJeanlaterwhenwetalk

aboutintegrationandleavingtheretreat,becausehehadsomethingstosaythatIthink

arereallybeautifulandappropriate;butIdontwanttosaythemjustyet.

Theonlythingthatsrequiredforthespiritualjourneytocometofruitionisthatone

hastocometothatplacewheretheprofounddesiretobefreeofsufferingisthe

numberonepriority.Thatsallthatsrequired;therestwilltakecareofitself.Thatsthe

onlythingthatsrequired.

Q.Putanotherway,youdhavetobesufferingintolerably?Isthatthesamething?

Jon:Couldbe.Buttherearemanypeoplewhoaresufferingintolerablywho

fundamentallywanttobecomfortableinatemporalsense,soIwouldntsaythatthat

wasit,necessarily.

Icantalkaboutmyowncase,whichsomeofyoumaynotknowabout.WhenIwas

sixteen,Ireachedapointinmylifewhereitwaseitherfindhappinessordie.Iwasso

drivenandsoachievementorientedthatIreallymadetypeAlookcatatonic.Seriously!

Thatsthetruth;anybodywhoknewmebackthenwillconfirmit.SoIwasverylucky

thatIhadanawakeningatsixteen,becauseotherwiseIdbedead.

Interestinglyenough,Ididntknowwhathappenedtomeatthetime.Itwasclearlya

bigexperiencewhichisaninterestingstoryinandofitselfbutIdidntreallyknow

whathadhappeneduntilIwastwenty,whenIwasfortunateenoughtohaveareading

withAnneArmstrong,averyrespectedpsychic.ShetoldmethatIdhadmany

lifetimesasacelibatemonk,andthatIknewwhattodotosetmyselfup,asayoung

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personinthislife,tofacilitateanawakeningatsixteen.BecauseIwasntreligious,andI

didntknowanythingaboutmeditationorspiritualityoranythinglikethat.

Anyway,ithappened,anditchangedmywholelife,andsheacknowledgedwhathad

happenedtomewhenImetherattwenty.ButwhatIwantedtosaywasthatthatwas

thebeginningofthepath.Theawakeningwassortofawakeupcall.Manypeople

awakenbutdontnecessarilygetonthepath.Awakeningisreallynotabigdeal;its

reallywhatweare.Graceisreallyourfundamentalnature,andmanypeople

experienceitinmanydifferentways.Butitdoesrequirebeingattheendofyourrope,

toacertaindegree,forfreedomfromsufferingtoreallybecomeyourmainpriority.

Thatsabsolutelyessential.Becauseittakesakindofdeterminationthatisunrelenting.

Butyouvedemonstratedthatdetermination,actually;thatswhatImheretosay.

Youvealreadydemonstratedthatthisweekend,evenifyoureinaprocessrightnow,

evenifyourenotreallyinagroovyspace.Therearepeoplewhoareinaverygroovyspacerightnow;Iknow,Ivebeentalkingtothem.Iwontembarrassthemby

mentioningtheirnames,buttheresarangeofwherepeoplearerightnowinthisroom.

Soifyoureinaprocess,andalothasbeenstirredup,becarefulnottojudgethequality

ofyourretreatbasedonthat.

Thetruthis,yourenotqualifiedtojudgeit.Youdontreallyknowhowyouredoing.

Thatsreallythetruth.Thatsnotaputdown;thatsreallythetruth.Ifyouliveinthe

question,youllfindoutovertime.Ifyoureconfused,orifyourestirredup,I

encourageyou

to

hang

in

there.

In

away,

its

kind

of

tricky

to

come

to

ashort

retreat,

whereitsactuallyveryhot.Itsalittletricky,becauseitdoesmovealot.Thosewho

havebeenherenumeroustimesandhavehadtheexperience,theygetit.Butifyou

havent,andyoudontknow,itcanbealittledisorienting.

Soyoulltaketheretreatwithyou.Theworkyouvedoneheredoesntendhere;its

goingtocontinue.Somepartofyoumadethechoicetobehere,andIbelieveyoucan

trustthatpartofyou.Andwhenyouleave,reallytaketimetocheckinwithyourself,to

bestill,tonotjustautomaticallygetbackintoallthehabitsofyourlife.Itsveryeasyto

dothat;itslikeatsunamithatsreadytoswallowyouupassoonasyougetoutthe

door.Itcanhappen!SoIreallyencourageyoutomaketheefforttobeconscious.Andstoppingmeditatingcan help.

OneofthethingsthatJeansaid,whichIreallythinkisappropriate,wasitsnotgood

toworktoomuch.Hesaid,spendsometimeeverydayinopenness.Hedidntsay

sitonyourcushionandmeditatefortyminutesaday.Butitmightturnouttobethat

way.Oritmightbethreehours,whoknows?Itsnotarigidprescription.Healsosaid,

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whenthereisnoonemeditating,thenmeditationishappening.Theformof

meditationisnotmeditation.Theformsofmeditationareasetupto,Godwilling,

discoverrealmeditation,thesocalledopenness,orgrace,ofourtruebeing.

Soyoubecomeavailable,eveninthestruggle,evenintheturbulence.YousayOK,yes

tothiseven,yestothismoment;andthenallowtransformationtohappen.Andyou

maycry,andyoumayscream,andyoumayshakeinfear;allofthatmayhappen.

Thatsjustmovement,thatsjusttheunwindingoftheegoprotectivewall.Thatisnot

whoweare,thatsjustthecrumblinganddissolvingofthefalseself.Letithappen.

Thatswhatyouwant.Isntit?

Thetruthis,youvedoneincrediblywellhere.Itsbeenabeautiful,beautifulretreat.Its

anincrediblepleasuretobesittingwithyouthismorning,andjustfeelinghowyouve

beendoingyourwork.Believeitornot,youhavebeendoingyourwork.Theresahuge

differencefromdayone,fromwhenwearrived.Huge.Andforthosethatknowme,Idontfibaboutthatkindofthing.

Everyonespathisunique.Itsimportanttoknowthat.Youmayreadbooksby

teachers,orpeopleyourespect,andthink,wellIguessthatsthewayitssupposedto

happen.Thatswhathappenedtothem,right?OrifItellmystory,itswhathappened

tome.Butyouhaveyourownstoryinthatregard,andthatsgoingtounfoldinitsown

uniquewayforyou.Therearecommonelementsthateveryoneshares,andwhenyou

begintogetit,youcanbenefitfromhearingthemandunderstandingthat.Butthetruth

is,your

own

unfoldment

is

really

very

specific

to

you.

Thatswhyitssoimportanttopayattention,closely,soyoubegintoletitunravel.

Theresnooneelsewhocandothatworkbutyou,theresnotgoingtobeanygreat

guruwhosgoingtozapyouintoenlightenment.Youmightgethigh,youknow,ina

satsangenvironment,andkindofdigthathigh.Thatsnice,butthatisntgoingtodoit

foryou.Youcangetaddictedtothat,andthenyoustayinthatimmature,adolescent

spaceofwantingittobeservedtoyouonasilverplatter.Anditaintgonnabe!

Soonceyouveawakenedandyoubegintogetthehangofit,itsimportanttotake

responsibility,tobegintomovetowardsthetruththatyouare,andtorealizethatultimatelyyoucantrelyonanybodyelse.Onnoteacher,noanything.Imnotsaying

youshouldntgetsupport;supportisactuallyvery,veryimportantformostpeople.

Learninghowtogetsupportisalsoimportant,andImhappytotalkaboutitwith

anybodywhowantstoexplorethat.

Ihavebenefitedgreatlyfromsupport.ItmaysoundlikeIvebeenblessedwithGod

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knowshowmanyincredibleteachersandhealersthatIvebeencloseto,whohave

mentoredme,anditstrue.ButthatsbecauseIabsolutelycouldnthavesurvived

withoutthem!Iwaswillingtogoanywhereonthisplanet,spendanymoney,devote

anyamountoftimeIhadto,becauseIdidnthaveachoice!Itwasthatordeath.

Sothatshowitworkedforme.Andtheresalotavailabletoday,intermsofsupport.

AsIwassayingtoAdyatheotherday,Imjustfindingouthowtodothis,Imjust

learninghowtoteach.Andhesaidright,thatshowitworks.Imfindingouthowto

besupportive,inaway.Itstricky!Verytricky.Anyway,IhopethatImusefultoyou.

Whatever!

Theworkthatyoudoiswhatmatters,whatreallymatters.Andthen,asyougetthe

fragranceasoneofmyteacherssaid,whenyournoseiscleanyoucansmellthe

flower.Whenyougetthefragrance,thenyourejustpluggedrightintothe

transmission.Andthenthatsveryuseful;itsactuallyveryhelpful.Justrealizeitsyou.Itsnotthatguyoverthere.Itsnottheyouthatstheme.Itstheoneness.Andwhen

youretunedinthere,fallinloveasmuchaspossible.Completelysurrendertolove.

BrotherDavidoncetoldmethatamonkisencouragedtofallinloveasmuchas

possible.Whichdoesntmeantobeattachedtoeverysingleperson;thatsnotwhathe

meantbylove.Hemeantthebigheart,theopennessofbeing.Therealizationthatwe

arenotseparate.Thatislove.Thatisintimacy.Andifyourenotusedtoitits

downrightfrightening,usually.

Pleasecultivatenotknowing.Findouthowtocultivatenotknowing.Becreative.Let

meknowwhatyoudiscover;everybodysmindworksdifferently.Imnotsaying

cultivatestupidity.ThatsnotwhatImsaying!Trustme,Ihadtofigureoutevery

singlethingthateverhappened.Itoldyou,mymotherusedtogetmethesepuzzles,

andIwasgoingtofigurethemoutcomehellorhighwater,andIwouldsitandwork

onthosethingsforeighthourswithoutstopping.SoIwasverycompulsiveintermsof

figuringthingsout.

WhenIwasonaretreatwithJeanKleinatMt.Madonna,many,manyyearsago,abig

shifttookplace.Andhesaid,Liveinnotknowing.Andtheefforttofigurethingsoutdropped,completely,atthatpoint.Anditwaslike,aaahhh,itwaslikeathousandtons

ofbricksweretakenoffmyback,andIcouldnotbelieveit.IreallyrealizedthatIdidnt

havetofigureitoutanymore,thatthatwaslikepushingatentonboulderuphill:

pointless!Itwassucharelief,Icouldntbelieveit.Itwasjustopeningtothepresence,

realizingthatwastheteacher,thatwastheguide,thatwasthefireoftransformation.

Thatwasthetruth!ItwasntwhatIthought;itwasntwhatIbelieved.

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Imspeakingatthedeepestlevel,now,aboutthedeepestlevelofunderstanding.The

understandingofnotknowing.Itsarelief,ahugerelief,andyouwillfeelit.Forthose

thatknow,youknowwhatImean.Itsahugereliefwhenthatburdenofneedingto

knowfallsoff.Maybejustforamoment,maybeforanhour,maybeforaweekend.

Maybefortherestofyourlife.Godwilling!

TheDalaiLlamasaidthatthepurposeoflifeistobehappy.Iagree.Wealldeservethat.

Everyonedeservestobehappy.Thatsreallywhatwewant,Ibelievethatsreallywhat

wewant.AndIpraythateachandeveryoneofyoufindsit.

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JonexpressesdeepgratitudetohisteacherAdyashanti,whocloselyandwithlove

mentoredJontofruitiononthepathandaskedhimtoteach.

Jonexperiencedhisfirstawakeningattheyoungageof16,leadinghimtospendmany

yearsintensivelypracticingintheZenandVipassanaBuddhisttraditions.Alongthe

way,hisspiritualunfoldmentwasgreatlyenhancedbycloseteacher/student

relationshipswithAdvaitamastersJeanKlein,H.W.L.Poonja(Papaji)andRobert

Adams.

JonholdsSatsangweeklyinSanFrancisco.Schedulesandcontactinfoareavailableat

www.sfsatsang.org

35
http://www.sf-satsang.org/http://www.sf-satsang.org/http://www.sf-satsang.org/http://www.sf-satsang.org/


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Ecology of Consciousness

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