Dynamics InterpersonalEd BatistaWinter 2016CLASS 2: COMMUNICATION

Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]

The netBradford & HuckabayHow can we improve feedback?How can we minimize defensiveness?

The netMe You

Yourrespons

e

Mybehavi

orMyintention

What I knowMe

Myintention

Mybehavi

or

What I don’tYou

Yourrespons

e

What you know

You

Yourrespons

e

Mybehavi

or

Me

What you don’t

Myintention

Use the modelTo stay on your side of the Net…Focus on observed behaviorDisclose your responseWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].

Language police

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Language police“I know this is over the Net, but…”

Language policeWhat that really means:

“This may make you defensive & I don’t care…”

Language policeAlso, a quirk of English…

When we say, “I feel like…” or “I feel that…” what follows is not an emotion but a opinion or a belief

Language police“I feel like you’re disrepectful…”

= Conjecture about their inner state= Over the Net= More likely to provoke defensiveness

Language police“I feel disrepected…”

= Disclosure about your inner state= Not over the Net= Less likely to provoke defensiveness

5 levels

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Richard FranciscoIn what ways do we communicate?Increasing levels of difficulty, risk & learning

5 levels

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1: Ritual2: Extended Ritual3: Content4: Feelings About Content

5: Feelings About Each Other

5 levels

Photo by Rita Willaert [link]

5: Feelings About Each Other

HardestRiskiest

Most powerful for feedback

Use the modelIn T-group (& anywhere)What levels are we using?What levels are we stuck in?What levels are we avoiding?All levels serve a useful purpose

Connections

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ConnectionsJohn GottmanHow do we connect with each other?What happens when we fail to connect?

ConnectionsA bid can be a question, a gesture, a look, a touch—any single expression that says, “I want to feel connected to you.”

~John Gottman

Gottman &gender

Gottman &gender

Gottman &gender

Culture &communication

Culture &Erin Meyer (& Geert Hofstede)How do cultures communicate?(A manifestation of social identity)

communication

Communication

Low-Context High-ContextPrecise, simple,clear, repetitive& overt messages.

Complex, nuanced,multi-layered, unspoken

& implied messages.

style

Evaluation style

Direct IndirectFrank, blunt, candid.Individuals may becriticized in a group.

Subtle, diplomatic.Criticism is given

only in private.

Disagreement

Confrontational Conflict-AverseOpen debate is goodfor the team & doesn’timpact relationships.

Open disagreementdisrupts the team

& hurts relationships.

style

Persuasive style

Practical ConceptualStart with opinions &facts. Add concepts tojustify conclusions.

Start with underlyingprinciples. Add facts

to justify theories.

Source of trust

Task Accomplishment Personal RelationshipsRelationships begin &end quickly, based onpractical needs.

Relationships evolveover time, based

on personal networks.

Dynamics InterpersonalFor more:www.edbatista.com/interpersonal-dynamics.html