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Effective Communication:Helping Parents Find Their Voice

Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D.Author of the Nurturing Parenting Programs

1Focus of the TrainingAdult Learning StrategiesEmpowermentCommunication2Adult Learning Strategies3

Andragogy:The art and science of helping adults learn.4Keep in mind that adults generally remember

10% of what they read

20% of what they hear

30% of what they see

50% of what they see and hear

70% of what they say and write

90% of what they say as they do

(Explained by Edgar Dale Dales Cone of Experience, 1960)5Cone of Experience, Edgar Dale (1946) in AudioVisual Methods of Teaching

6Knowles, Holton and Swanson (1998) discuss six assumptions of andragogy:The Adults Need to KnowThe Adults Self-ConceptThe Role of the Adults ExperienceThe Adults Orientation to Learning The Adults Readiness to LearnThe Adults Motivation to Learn7

The Adults Need to Know

Adults need to know why they should learn something and how it will benefit them.

Learning for immediate use is better than learning for future use.

What do you expect to learn?

How might the information be useful for them?

8The Adults Self-ConceptAdults resent and resist situations in which they feel others are imposing their wills on them.

Self-Concept as a learner is influenced by successes and failures in school.

Self-Concept as a learner is also related to the persons level of empowerment and motivation.9The Role of the Adults ExperienceBased on a lifetime of experiences, adult learners are more heterogeneous than younger learners.

Adults personal identity is often tied to their experiences with biases and habits.

Reflective learning helps adults reassess the impact of experiences and prepare them for change.10The Adults Readiness to LearnAdults are ready to learn when they experience a need to learn something in order to cope with real life tasks or problems.

11The Adults Orientation to LearningAdults are life, task, or problem-centered in their orientation.

Learning needs to use real life situations.

Flexibility in the lesson allows for personal experiences.12The Adults Motivation to LearnAdults internal priorities are more important than external priorities.

Incentives such as self-esteem, quality of life, and satisfaction are most important.

Adults input into the development of lessons or prioritization of topics can encourage adults to take ownership of the learning process.

13There are Four Elements to LearningMotivationRetentionReinforcementTransference14MotivationA key aspect of learning.

Teaching to unmotivated adults is a waste of the instructors time.

A friendly and open atmosphere helps build motivation.

The learning environment needs an appropriate level of concern and stress.

Appropriate level of difficulty.

Provide relevance.

15RetentionPractice through role play

Repetition

Sequenced lesson

Practical use experiences

16ReinforcementEncourage learning

Positive better than negative

Support for students

17TransferenceLearners can associate new information with something they know.

Learners can find similarities between the new information and something they know.

Learners have a high degree of original learning (self-discovery).

Learners need information for a critical reason.18Summary of Major PointsDiscover why adults would want to learn something new.

Adults need to learn experientially.

Approach topic as problem-solving.

Repeatedly emphasize relevance of topic.

Involve the adult in the planning, learning and evaluation.

Adults will need to process and reflect.19Empowering Adults20Empowerment involves helping others build their own power bases.21Empowerment is a feeling of capability.

22In Nurturing philosophy, empowerment is referred to as Personal Power.23Personal Power is defined as the life energy within everyone that influences their quality of life.

Everyone has Personal Power.24Personal Power is The drive to accomplish

The choices we make

The will to love

The energy to explore, create and question

The commitment to nurture ourselves and others

Our personal perceptions and self-worth

25Personal Power can be positive or negative.26Positive use of Personal Power enhances our life, the lives of others, and builds positive self-worth.27Negative use of Personal Power detracts and injures our life, the lives of others, and builds negative self-worth.28The negative use of Personal Power is the mission of the victim and perpetrator personality traits within all of us.29The positive use of Personal Power is the mission of the Nurturer and the Nurtured personality traits within all of us.30Over time, personality traits turn into full-blown personalities with diseased or healthy neurological networks.31Powerlessness is a feeling of learned helplessness which is related to drug and alcohol use, depression, domestic violence, influence of peer pressure, high levels of stress and anger, and family dysfunction. 32Power struggles are the personal desires of adults, teens and children to use ones life energy to influence their lives.33

Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and ClientsIncrease your level of self-awareness and model this behavior with your family and clients.

34Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and ClientsPraise others for Being: unconditional regard. Often referred to as Unconditional Love.

Praise your self for Being and model this behavior with your family and clients.

35Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and ClientsPraise others for Doing: conditional regard with focus on behavior.

Provide opportunities for success to boost self-confidence.

Praise your self for Doing and model this with your family and clients. Focus on your behavior not your intentions.36Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and ClientsBrainstorm choices with clients and possible positive and negative consequences. Write these consequences down and give the list to the clients.37Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and ClientsBuild anger management strategies:

Increase understanding of anger.

Focus on anger cues (related to attunement skills).

Brainstorm with clients ways to express anger energy in healthy, positive ways.

Emphasize the importance of modeling appropriate anger expression skills with children.38Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and ClientsBuild stress management strategies:

Increase understanding of stress and distress

Focus on stress cues (related to attunement skills).

Brainstorm with clients ways to express stress energy in healthy, positive ways.

Brainstorm with clients ways to reduce stress.39Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and ClientsIncrease self-awareness. List self traits that are desirable and undesirable and a plan to replace undesirable traits with desirable ones.40Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and ClientsIncrease self-worth:

Personal PowerPraise for Being and DoingSelf-AwarenessAccept praise from othersOffer self praiseChange negative self-labels for positive onesHave appropriate and realistic expectations for self

41Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and ClientsTreat others with dignity by developing Empathy.42EmpathyEmpathy is the ability to perceive and accept the subjective experiences of others and to respond in a caring, dignified way.

Comes from the Greek word empatheia which means feeling into.

Brainstorm with clients ways to build empathy: caring for objects (clothes, home, car, etc.); caring for self (hygiene, diet, exercise, personal references/labels, etc.); caring for others (plants, pets, children, etc). 43Ways to Build Personal Power in Self and ClientsBuild communication skills:

Taking responsibility for ones behavior: no blaming.

Confronting and not criticizing: using I statements and no name calling.

Brainstorm possibilities/causes/reasons to situations and events.44

Problem Solving and Decision Making

Problem Solving- What is the problem? - Whose problem is it- What have you tried?

Decision Making- What would you like to see instead?- Brainstorm three ways you can achieve your goals.- Try your solutions and evaluate the effectiveness.- If the problem persists, begin the process over.

Negotiate and Compromise- When problem solving leaves both people at a stalemate.45Communication46 Barriers to Listening

Focusing on Personal Agenda: Formulating our next thought while speaker is still talking.

Emotional Noise: Appearance; non-verbal cues.

Criticizing Speaker: Focus on the message and not on the messenger.

Speech Rate v. Thought Rate: Speech rate (125 wpm) is much slower than the rate at which we think (500-800 wpm).

Information Overload: Too much information.

External Noise: TV, cell phones, too hot or too cold room.

Feeling Sick: Headache, stomach ache, pain, discomfort47Strategies for ListeningFocus on the person, their thoughts and feelings.

Pay attention to the person.

Listen for the essence of the message.

Be empathic and imagine how you would feel.

Ask questions for clarification.48Barriers to Accurate Perceptions

Intense emotional state: anger, sadness, fear, etc.

Holding preconceptions about people or events.

Misconceptions generated from making assumptions and ignoring details.

Focusing on the negative aspects is a common habit.

Assuming others have a similar interpretation without checking how others interpret a situation.

Sending or receiving incongruent communication (behavioral) cues, i.e. body language that contradicts verbal message.49

Strategies for Improving Perceptions

Reality is nothing more than perceptions at moment.

All realities are the subjective interpretation of the moment. There is no objective world.

Question your perceptions and think about how they are formed.

Observe carefully and attentively be completely involved in the moment.

Be aware of the meanings you attach to your perceptions.

Increased self-awareness will lead to awareness of the barriers used in perceptions.

Develop your level of empathy and work on focusing on others.50Barriers to Effective Verbal CommunicationLacking clarity and precision: vague, political-type responses

Using generalizations and stereotypes

Jumping to conclusions

Using disconfirming responses such as interrupting, making irrelevant responses, not saying anything at all

Lacking confidence due to shyness, low self-worth, low sense of personal power51Strategies for Effective Verbal CommunicationDescribe your own feelings and thoughts rather than evaluating others.

Focus in the issue rather than on the person.

Be yourself, honestly and openly but with dignity.

Empathize rather than remain detached.

Allow for other points of view.

Continued52Strategies for Effective Verbal CommunicationValue yourself and your own experiences.

Perceive and present yourself as an equal rather than a superior.

Respond to others in ways that acknowledge their experiences, opinions, values. This is not necessarily agreeing with the messages, but honoring their response.

Send consistent verbal and non-verbal messages.

53Adapted from Beebe et al. Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others 2nd Canadian Edition, 2000;and, Developing and Maintaining Professional Relationships, TRACE Workshops, 2002. Additional concepts have been added by Stephen Bavolek, Ph.D., Family Development Resources, Inc., 2008

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