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Emotional Intelligence
From Self Awareness to Relationship
Management
Dr. Eric M. Gladney – Presenter
Prepared For:
NCLA Leadership Institute
Objectives…..
Prove that ―soft skills‖ have hard value
within the life of an organization.
Provide a framework that enables us to re-
think what the elements of success are.
Build a leadership framework that emerging
leaders can begin to leverage across their
careers which enables them to better serve
their constituency.
NCLA Leadership Institute
Mission
The mission of NCLA Leadership Institute
is to create opportunities for learning and
skill building in leadership and mentoring.
The institute will cultivate an improved
understanding of self and others, while
inspiring participants to serve in leadership
roles within the profession at local, state
and national levels.
What is any library’s
most important asset?
Did you say people?
Consider…..
What are the things that make a person a liability?
What are the things that make a person an asset?
Surprisingly These 2 Lists Share
ONE COMMON SOURCE:
The Human Brain
Human Beings Have At Least
2 Types of Intelligence:
Left Brain Right Brain
The Framework
IQ = Intelligence Quotient
– Academic learning, language, rational thoughts,
analysis
EQ = Emotional Quotient = Emotional Intelligence
– Intra-personal competence, interpersonal or social competence
Major Players In The Field
Daniel Goleman – whose best seller
introduced the ideas to most people.
Robert K. Cooper – his work is focused on
leadership. He has coauthored the EQ Map
which allows people to identify how they
have used EQ during the past 30 days.
Reuven Bar-on – has developed an
instrument for measuring EQ ability. It has
17 years of research behind it.
Emotional Intelligence Defined
―Emotional intelligence‖ refers to the
capacity for recognizing our own feelings
and those of others, for motivating
ourselves, and for managing emotions well
in ourselves and our relationships.
Goleman “Working with Emotional Intelligence” 1998.
IQ –vs- EQ (Intelligence Quotient –vs- Emotional Quotient)
• Research indicates
that IQ can help you
to be successful to
the extent of 20%
only in life. The
remaining 80% is
dependent on your
EQ.
IQ
EQ
Emotional Intelligence
Self Awareness
Relationship Mgmt
Social Awareness
Self Management
RE
CO
GN
ITIO
N
RE
GU
LA
TIO
N
Influence Inspirational Leadership
Developing Others
Building Bonds
Empathy Organizational Awareness
Service Orientation
Self Confidence Emotional Self Awareness
Accurate Self Assessment
Self Control Trust worthiness
Conscientiousness
Adaptability
Achievement
Self Awareness
Self awareness - knowing one's internal
states, preferences, resources and intuitions.
– the key to increased personal and organizational
performance.
– "bringing to the conscious mind an
understanding of the compulsions that push us
around"
It is waking up and realizing WHO you
really are and WHY you do the things the
way that you do them.
Self Awareness
Increasing our own levels of self awareness
therefore, empowers us to make different
choices.
– Not that we will automatically do things
differently.
– ……some habits die hard!
It allows the leader and the people that they
influence to move to a place of not
automatically reacting in the same old
inappropriate manner as before.
Building Emotional Trust – Group
Exercise
Consider the following statement:
“IF YOU KNEW THIS ABOUT ME, YOU
WOULD BETTER UNDERSTAND WHO I
AM AS A MEMBER OF THIS TEAM.”
Building Emotional Trust – Group
Exercise
What did you learn about yourself?
What did you learn about others?
What did you learn about truthful
communication?
What did you learn about the value of self
awareness?
The Emotional Brain
Your life experiences are not sterile facts; they are
emotionally laden memories.
Self Awareness – Your Current
Environment
Your current life circumstances, at home
and at work sets the context for exploring
your EQ capacities.
Many times, individuals are unaware that
they are having an emotional reaction.
– Underdeveloped self awareness leads to a ―just do it‖ / ―fly by the seat of my paints‖ attitude
– We need emotional competencies to help us in this area.
Self Awareness Emotional
Competencies
High degrees of self awareness are strongly
correlated with the following competencies:
– Intentionality
– Creativity
– Resilience
– Interpersonal Connections
– Constructive Discontent
Values & Attitudes
One’s view of the world and what one
values within it….
– Described in the words we use
– The actions we take
– Consistency over time
– They shape our outlook
– They fuel our compassion
– They inform our intuition
Self Awareness Principles…
Taking the time for mindfulness.
Recognizing and naming emotions.
Understanding the causes of feelings.
Differentiating between emotion and the
need to tack action.
Preventing depression through ―learned
optimism‖.
Managing anger through learned behavior.
Listening for the lesson of feelings.
Emotional Intelligence
Self Awareness
Relationship Mgmt
Social Awareness
Self Management
RE
CO
GN
ITIO
N
RE
GU
LA
TIO
N
Influence Inspirational Leadership
Developing Others
Building Bonds
Empathy Organizational Awareness
Service Orientation
Self Confidence Emotional Self Awareness
Accurate Self Assessment
Self Control Trust worthiness
Conscientiousness
Adaptability
Achievement
The Marshmallow Self-Management
Test
The Marshmallow Self-Management
Test– Group Feedback
If you have the courage (self-awareness) to
admit it, which child were you? In what
way(s)?
How do you see marshmallow test relating
to emotional intelligence?
Self Management… Essential
Components
Emotional self-control
Integrity
Innovation / creativity
Initiative / bias for action
Resilience and Achievement drive
Realistic optimism and Intentionality
Emotional Self-Control Fosters a
Positive Work Environment
Emotional self-control refers to how we control or effectively manage the behaviors our emotions trigger.
If individuals fail to self manage and loses control of their emotions often, this can create an atmosphere of negativity that ultimately hampers a team’s productivity.
Enhancing Self Control
Remain aware of feelings.
– Paying attention to how you feel—in the moment—is critical.
Keep a journal.
– Create a list of situations or events that ―trigger‖ negative emotions.
Pay attention to ―self talk.‖
– Tell yourself what it looks and feels like to be under control.
Remember, you have a choice.
Integrity Builds Confidence & Trust
Integrity is defined as ―doing the right thing, even when no one is looking.‖
Imagine for a moment a scenario in which an
organization’s leaders lack integrity. – What do you see?
This behavior (this lack of self-management in the area of integrity), can create a culture where employees & constituents spend valuable time ―second-guessing‖ their leadership.
– …when employees should be focused on goal achievement & constituents benefiting from them.
Enhancing Integrity
Know your values and principles.
– Constantly remind yourself of what you believe in, so you naturally live by your values.
Examine your behavior.
– Determine how well your behavior aligns with your values.
Admit mistakes.
– When you are wrong, don’t hesitate to say so.
Keep your word and treat people fairly.
Enhancing Self Control & Integrity:
Group Exercise
Review the self control & integrity self-
management principles on both sides of the
handout.
Choose one of the questions and write a
brief response. Discuss its impact on your
emotional intelligence with your group.
30 MINUET BREAK
Emotional Intelligence
Self Awareness
Relationship Mgmt
Social Awareness
Self Management
RE
CO
GN
ITIO
N
RE
GU
LA
TIO
N
Influence Inspirational Leadership
Developing Others
Building Bonds
Empathy Organizational Awareness
Service Orientation
Self Confidence Emotional Self Awareness
Accurate Self Assessment
Self Control Trust worthiness
Conscientiousness
Adaptability
Achievement
Social Awareness definitions
Social Awareness – Awareness of others feelings, needs or concerns
Empathy (mandatory) – Sensing others’ feelings and perspectives, and
taking an active interest in their concerns
Organizational Awareness – Reading a group’s emotional currents and
power relationships
Service Orientation – Anticipating, recognizing, and meeting
customers’ needs
34
Social Complexity in Groups
1. 2. 3. 4.
Individual Level
Group Level
In Groups:
• 1 + 1 =3
• Emotion is
contagious
35
How Social Awareness Affects the
Bottom Line
Group Emotional Intelligence
Trust, Group Identity, Group Efficacy, Networks
Participation, Cooperation, Collaboration
Better Decisions, More Creative Solutions, Higher Productivity
Social Awareness Model
3 Levels
6 Dimensions 9 Norms
Individual Group awareness of members
Interpersonal understanding
Group management of members
Confronting members who break norms
Caring behavior
Group Group self-awareness Team self-evaluation
Group self- management Creating resources for working with emotion
Creating an optimistic environment
Proactive problem solving
Cross-boundary (External)
Group social awareness Organizational understanding
Group social skills Building external relationships
37
Social Awareness…..
It is about . . .
bringing emotions to
the surface and
proactively
understanding their
meaning and impact on
the team and its
performance
It is not about…
catching and
suppressing emotions
as they bubble up
It is not about…
being nice
Social Awareness:
Group Exercise
EQ SELF-ASSESSMENT CHECKLIST
Becoming Socially Aware of Needs
Being aware of others ―needs‖
Needs:
– Unfulfilled physiological and psychological
desires of an individual.
– Explain workplace behavior and attitudes.
– Create tensions that influence attitudes and
behavior.
– Good managers and leaders facilitate need
satisfaction.
Becoming Socially Aware of Needs
Hierarchy of needs theory:
– Developed by Abraham Maslow.
– Lower-order and higher-order needs affect
workplace behavior and attitudes.
– Lower-order needs:
• Physiological, safety, and social needs.
• Desires for physical and social well being.
– Higher-order needs
• Esteem and self-actualization needs
• Desire for psychological growth and development
41
Becoming Socially Aware of Needs
Effective Social Awareness Requires
Empathy
The old song title ―Walk a Mile in My Shoes‖ sums up the concept of empathy.
By being attuned to how others feel, an effective leader will likely say and do what is most appropriate in any given situation.
– Calming fears
– Reducing the severity of anger
– Joining in the high spirits of the team
Enhancing Your Ability To
Empathize
Listening is the key. Remember, you don’t have to agree with what is said; it’s about acceptance.
Learn to listen for feelings. People don’t always express their true feelings or concerns directly, so listen for words that express feelings and needs.
Make time for people. Make addressing the concerns and feelings of others a top priority.
Enhancing Your Ability To
Empathize
Acknowledge what you think you heard (or saw). Remember, you don’t have to agree with what is said; it’s about acceptance.
Withhold judgment. When you’re tempted to criticize or dismiss the opinions or feelings of others, stop. Also consider the merits of the other person’s point of view before you respond.
Social Awareness
Self-management
Understanding and sensitivity to the
feelings, thoughts, and situation of
others
Controlling or redirecting our internal
states, impulses, and resources
Self-awareness Understanding your own emotions,
strengths, weaknesses, values, and
motives
Relationship
Management Managing other people’s emotions
Lowest
Highest
Model of Emotional Intelligence
The Three Layers of the Brain
The Layers:
Rational Brain (thinking)
cortex and neo-cortex
analytical & technical ability
Emotional Brain (feeling)
limbic system
feelings, impulses, drives
First Brain
brainstem
How Each Layer Learns:
Rational Brain (reading, studying)
grasps concepts quickly
associations, comprehension
Emotional Brain (experiencing)
motivation, extended practice,
feedback, repetition (breaking a habit)
Gender Differences?
Women tend to be more aware of their emotions, show more empathy and are adept interpersonally.
Men tend to be more self-confident and optimistic, adapt more easily, and handle stress better.
However, on the whole, men and women are generally equal
in total emotional intelligence.
Behavior
Emotions, Attitudes and Behavior
Perceived Environment
Attitude Feelings
Beliefs
Behavioral
Intentions
Cognitive process
Emotional process
Emotional
Episodes
Mirror
Neurons
Relationship Management…
“The key to management success is to
keep the folks who hate you away from
the undecided”
Earl Weaver
Great Leaders Move Us
Through our emotions –
which are contagious
Exercise
Think of a leader for whom or with whom you worked - one that you would gladly work with or for again.
Think of a person in a leadership position that you try to avoid, or left you drained, or hoping for more.
How would you DESCRIBE these people? How did they make you FEEL?
52
Relationship Management Drives
Leadership
Power
– Ability to get someone else to do something you
want done or make things happen the way you want.
Power should be used to influence and control
others for the common good rather seeking to
exercise control for personal satisfaction.
Two sources of managerial power:
– Position power.
– Personal power.
53
Relationship Management Drives
Leadership
Position power
– Based on a manager’s official status in the organization’s hierarchy of authority.
Sources of position power:
– Reward power
• Capability to offer something of value.
– Coercive power
• Capability to punish or withhold positive outcomes.
– Legitimate power
• Organizational position or status confers the right to control those in subordinate positions.
54
Relationship Management Drives
Leadership
Personal power – Based on the unique personal qualities that a person brings
to the leadership situation.
Sources of personal power:
– Expert power
• Capacity to influence others because of one’s knowledge
and skills.
– Referent power
• Capacity to influence others because they admire you
and want to identify positively with you.
55
Alternative change strategies and
their leadership implications.
4 Criteria For Relationship
Management
A decision regarding the best course of action in a particular situation.
An interaction with others based on the research you've done.
An outcome
– How and what you say or do will be guided by a specific outcome you want to achieve.
Your needs
– The outcome you intend to achieve will be guided by your specific needs, or the business needs, at that time.
Relationship Management Drives
Organizational Commitment
Affective commitment
– Emotional attachment to, identification with,
and involvement in an organization
Continuance commitment
– Belief that staying with the organization serves
your personal interests
Building Organizational
Commitment
Justice and support
– Apply humanitarian
values
– Support employee well-
being
Shared values
– Values congruence
Trust
– Employees trust org
leaders
– Job security supports
trust
Organizational
comprehension
– Know firm’s
past/present/future
– Open and rapid
communication
Employee involvement
– Employees feel part of
company
– Involvement
demonstrates trust
Intelligence
Intellectual
Emotional
QUESTIONS / COMMENTS
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